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December 20, 1977
Peter
The thing about Peter Pettigrew was that he was quieter and more thoughtful than the rest of the Marauders. People who didn’t know him very well sometimes wondered how he fit in with the rest of them. Thankfully, none of his friends had any such doubts. Peter was the glue holding them together, and they all knew it. He had an uncanny ability to read people, and it was almost like he knew what they needed sometimes before they themselves did.
In second year, he had been the first to notice how regular Remus’ “chronic headaches” were, and when they had figured out what the problem was, Peter seemed to know instinctively that the worst part of it for Remus was not the pain or the secrecy, but the loneliness of it. It was he who borrowed James' cloak one night and snuck into the restricted section of the library to find a book with detailed instructions on how they could become animagi.
In the beginning of fifth year, it had only taken him an hour on the Hogwarts Express to realise Sirius was hiding bruises from them. It took a little longer than that, as well as the joint effort from the rest of the Marauders to convince Sirius to not return home for Christmas that year, and go to the Potters’ instead, but they managed eventually.
Observant as he was, it didn’t escape his notice that at some point, his friends became more and more obsessed with the idea of going on dates and sneaking off to snog in broom cupboards. Mind you, it took ages for any of them to actually get around to doing any of these things, but that didn’t stop them from constantly talking about it.
It had annoyed Peter at first. He really didn’t see the appeal and thought it was quite silly, how his friends were talking about nothing else for months. It was boring, honestly. But then, Sirius went on his first real date in Hogsmeade and came back with flushed cheeks and sparks in his eyes, raving about how wonderful kissing was. And even Peter could not be annoyed about that (although he did notice that Remus looked a little stone-faced during Sirius’ account), because he loved his friends. Seeing them happy was his absolute favourite thing in the world, and if dating and snogging and, eventually, sex made them happy, who was Peter to be annoyed at them for it?
So he had watched his friends develop crushes, get their hearts broken, sneak off to broom cupboards, and pine silently (in Remus’ case) or not so silently (in James’ case). Despite himself, Peter found himself getting quite invested in his friends’ love life. And sometimes, he found, people just needed a tiny little extra push to go for what they wanted, and Peter was happy to do that for them.
It had been Peter who had knocked some sense into Sirius when he had freaked out about wanting to snog his best friend, and it had also been Peter who had reassured Remus that Sirius would pull his head out of his arse eventually. He had also been the one who had eventually locked them in a cupboard together, so that they could finally talk it out.
He had had nothing to do with James and Lily though, which maybe should’ve been their first clue that it wouldn’t work between them. They only lasted three months after Lily had finally agreed to go on a date with James, and it had turned out a lot less romantic and a lot more awkward than they had expected. They had parted on friendly terms. At least they now knew that it simply wasn’t meant to be.
Peter had known it before them, of course, which was also why he had refused to help James about it in the first place. He just had a sixth sense for these things. Besides, he had been too busy having late night conversations with Mary, who had taken ages before confessing to him that she was in love with Lily. This was while Lily had still been with James, so there had been nothing to be done about it, but that breakup was now over nine months past, and Lily and Mary were practically joined at the hip. Peter wasn’t quite sure yet, but he did think there was something in Lily’s eyes when she looked at Mary.
Peter was pondering all this as he sat in one of the armchairs of the Gryffindor common room a few days before they were all scheduled to go home for Christmas. It was the Marauders’ seventh year, which naturally meant that they had to put on one last Christmas party for the Gryffindors, and because it was the last one, they were determined to make it memorable.
Peter watched as Lily and Mary were curled up together on the couch of the common room, giggling with each other over their cups of punch. Lily’s cheeks were pink and her eyes were sparkling as she watched Mary gesticulate as she talked.
Sirius and James were near the drinks table, where they were engaged in some sort of unhealthy looking drinking competition. A small crowd of students had gathered around them and were cheering them on. Peter made a mental note to conjure up some buckets to put next to their beds before he went to sleep.
He let his gaze wander in the room once more, and his eyes fell on a slender, dark-haired boy, who looked eerily similar to Sirius, and who was staring in the direction of the drinks table with slightly furrowed brows.
“Do you think he’s having a good time?” Remus asked as he perched on one of the armrests of Peter’s chair. “He always looks so serious, I’m never sure what to make of it.”
“Yeah, I think that’s just his face,” said Peter thoughtfully.
Regulus had shown up on the Potters’ door step that summer, following his brothers footsteps and getting out of that ghastly house. They had all tried their very best to include him where they could over the past few months. And that included inviting him to the Marauders’ parties.
“I’m going to go talk to him,” Peter said and got up from his chair. “I think maybe you should go rescue your boyfriend,” he added, and gestured towards where James had just cast Levicorpus on Sirius so that he could take his shots while hanging upside down in the air.
Remus followed his gaze and winced. “Yeah, I think you might be right, Wormy.” And with that he made his way through the party to where his boyfriend was hanging in the air by his ankle, choking on the firewhisky he had just ingested.
Peter smiled to himself and made his way over to Regulus on the couch, dropping down next to him.
“Pettigrew,” Regulus greeted him with a nod.
Peter’s mouth twitched. “Black,” he greeted in return. “You should really start calling me Peter, you know.”
Regulus grimaced. “Must I?”
Peter laughed. “Suit yourself. Just be grateful that we already have other nicknames for your brother, otherwise this would be really confusing.”
Regulus rolled his eyes and said nothing, eyes wandering back to the drinks table where Remus was currently trying to convince Sirius to let him free him.
“Are the other Slytherins still giving you trouble?”
Ever since word had gotten around the castle that Regulus had run away from Grimmauld Place, Regulus’ pureblood housemates had turned on him, and he had needed to be constantly vigilant in the hallways to avoid getting hexed. Sirius had snuck into the dorm with him under the invisibility cloak one night to ward his bed with every protective enchantment the Marauders, Lily, and Mary could come up with so he was at least safe when he was sleeping, but it wasn’t an ideal situation.
Regulus shrugged noncommittally. “It’s fine.”
It’s still happening, but I’m handling it, translated Peter in his head.
He was about to reply, when he realised that Regulus still wasn’t looking at him, didn’t seem to be paying him any attention at all. Peter followed his line of sight to where James was still at the drinks table with a few other students, but Sirius and Remus were nowhere to be seen. Remus had likely already taken him upstairs.
There was nothing particularly interesting happening where James was standing, so what was he –
Oh.
Oh.
Of course. This made so much sense. Peter berated himself for not realising it sooner.
It was Regulus’ fault of course. Peter didn’t know him as well as everyone else and he had a sense that Regulus still didn’t quite allow himself to let his guard down around them completely. But not even that could hide that Regulus and James were just… a bit weird around each other. James was as warm and nice as he was with everyone but around Regulus, it was like he was holding back a little, giving him space and being almost aggressively polite. Regulus, in turn, either avoided him or snapped at him. Which, Peter supposed, was how he treated all of them, but there seemed to be a lot less heat in it when he did it to the others. With James it just kind of seemed… personal.
Peter had assumed it had to do with the fact that Sirius and James were brothers in all but blood, and Regulus’ relationship with Sirius was still a bit rocky sometimes, even though anyone with eyes could see how much they loved each other. He had thought that Regulus was envious of what James had with his brother and James was all too aware, making sure not to step on Regulus’ toes.
But now Peter wondered if maybe this was something else. He wondered if…
“I’m gonna go get a drink, do you want one?” Peter asked Regulus and stood.
Regular snapped out of his trance and looked up at him. “No, thank you. In fact, I should probably get going,” he said as he put down his empty cup.
“Oh, of course,” Peter said quickly, sensing an opportunity, “give me just one minute, I’ll get James to take you back under the cloak.”
Regulus shook his head. “Really, it’s not necessary, I can just disillusion-”
“Nonsense,” Peter interrupted. “Sirius will kill us if we let you go out there by yourself and you get caught by Filch or something. Don’t move, I’ll be back in a moment.”
And with that he slipped through the crowd towards James, the wheels already turning in his head.
“Hey Prongs,” Peter said loudly over the music and put his hand on James’ arm.
James turned towards him with a wide grin and hugged him. “Wormy!” He yelled into his ear and Peter flinched slightly.
“Regulus needs to get back and I thought you could take him with the cloak, but if you’ve had too much to drink, I can do it…” Peter trailed off, watching James closely.
James’ head snapped towards Regulus, who was still sitting on the couch, examining his fingernails. Peter narrowed his eyes at James. Was that flush from the alcohol or something else?
“No, no I can do it,” James said hastily, eagerly, even.
Peter smiled brightly. Jackpot.
James
“Ouch!”
“Sorry! I’m sorry.”
“You’re an oaf.”
“Charming, Reg. Really.”
“Oh, please, as if you don’t get your ego stroked all the time. You can survive a little complaining when you step on somebody’s foot.”
James sighed. Regulus had been like this ever since term had started. It was like he was allergic to having a normal conversation with James. Maybe it was naive to have expected anything else after… well.
“Fine. Be like that.”
By the time they reached the Slytherin common room, the silence between them was suffocating, and James decided that it couldn’t go on like this. Regulus clearly wanted nothing to do with him, despite what had happened, and James would respect that, he really would. But it would be nice to get rid of the hostility.
“Look, Regulus, about what happened—"
“Is this really necessary?” Regulus interrupted him.
They stood in front of the entrance to the common room, still under the cloak, which meant that they were standing very close. If he had wanted to, James could have counted Regulus’ eyelashes.
“Yes,” James said firmly. “We can’t go on like this. It’s ridiculous. Your brother is my best friend. It’s not like we can really stay out of each other’s way.”
Regulus rolled his eyes at him, but there was something complicated happening in his eyes that James couldn’t quite place.
“You’re making a big deal out of nothing,” Regulus muttered derisively.
“If it’s nothing then why do you either ignore me or stare daggers at me?”
Regulus opened his mouth to respond, but then hesitated. “Did you tell him?” he asked finally, and James blinked at him, surprised.
“Sirius? No,” he said truthfully. “I haven’t told anyone. I didn’t think you’d want anyone to know.”
Regulus’ look was unreadable, but he didn’t speak. So James continued.
“Which was not easy let me tell you. I haven’t kept a single thing from Sirius since we were eleven. But I figured… we were both tired, you were upset. I am not… I won’t hold you to anything, or whatever.” James took a deep breath, choosing his next word carefully. “It doesn’t have to mean anything.”
There it was again, that complicated expression. James wished he could look inside his head and know what was going on in there.
“Okay,” Regulus said finally, but the tension didn’t leave his shoulders and he avoided looking James in the eyes. “Okay,” he said again.
“Great,” exclaimed James, a little too enthusiastically. He’d hoped…. He wasn’t sure what he hoped. Just, something other than that hard look in Regulus’ eyes.
“Does that mean you’ll stop with the ignoring and the daggers now?” James asked hopefully.
Regulus’ mouth twitched but his eyes remained shuttered. “I’ll take it under advisement.”
James grinned. “I am going to count that as a victory.”
Regulus looked down at his feet. “I’m going to go inside now.”
“Yeah, of course, hang on,” James said, and quickly took out the map to make sure no one was near before pulling the cloak off both of them.
Regulus muttered the password and murmured, “good night, James,” before vanishing through the portrait hole.
“Good night, Reg,” James replied softly to the empty hallway.
December 26, 1977
Regulus
Regulus sat on the sofa in the Potters’ sitting room, watching as one by one, the members of the Gryffindor crowd, as he liked to call them in his head, stumbled through the fireplace. Apparently, James had invited them all for a little Christmas celebration every year since fourth year, and now that almost all of them were off age, his parents were all too happy to abandon the house for an evening to give the group some privacy. Regulus thought that was extremely forthcoming of them, considering that they were all still very much a bunch of rowdy teenagers.
Pettigrew was the last one to step through the fireplace and was greeted by cheers from Sirius and James. Regulus just nodded at him in greeting.
He had surprised himself by noticing that he liked the shortest of the Marauders — what a ridiculous nickname — quite a bit. People at Hogwarts, including Regulus until very recently, were much too distracted by Sirius’ and James’ antics to pay much attention to the other two, but Regulus had quickly found himself appreciating the quiet but razor-sharp intelligence in Peter’s gaze. He would have made an excellent Slytherin, which was also why Regulus was extra careful around him not to let his emotions show on his face. When Pettigrew looked at him, it sometimes felt like he was looking right into his soul.
Evans had also turned out to be a much more interesting new friendship than he would have expected, and not just because he still felt a tiny pang of envy when he remembered that she had been in a brief relationship with—
Well, it didn’t matter now, did it? Regulus had quickly been impressed by her magical ability and, frankly, by her unending patience with him as he asked her question after question about muggle technology. He had never quite understood his parents’ bigoted views on muggles, but even he had been impressed by some of the things he had learned from Evans. He was quickly becoming convinced that the wizarding world was being utterly idiotic learning so little about muggles. They things that the combination of muggle technology and magic could achieve…
"We should play truth or dare," Macdonald said excitedly. James was handing out drinks and Regulus tried to not look him in the eye when it was his turn to reach for a mug of hot chocolate.
He was quite proud of how good he had gotten at not looking at James. Most of the time at least. He had slipped up at that stupid party the other day, and in front of Pettigrew no less. He wondered what the other boy had thought of it.
It hadn’t started as anything hugely significant. James was handsome, had always been handsome as long as Regulus could remember, and living under his roof for the better part of the summer meant seeing him a lot, and sometimes in not very many clothes. Sue him for enjoying the view.
Except, he hadn’t just been enjoying the view. Enjoying the view wouldn’t have made his heartbeat speed up within seconds of James saying ‘good morning’. Enjoying the view wouldn’t have made heat rush into his cheeks whenever James smiled at him. Enjoying the view wouldn’t have made him lie awake at night, daydreaming about what it would be like to touch James. Enjoying the view wouldn’t have made him make stupid, impulsive decisions just because James’ eyes had looked so soft and—
James interrupted his train of thought by groaning at Macdonald’s suggestion. Sirius cheered, Lupin rolled his eyes, and Evans giggled. “Something to hide, James?”
James grinned. “Nothing from you guys, I am an open book,” he declared proudly, flopping down on the ground and leaning back against the armchair where Mary was lounging.
“Cocky, Potter,” Evans said mischievously, her eyes flashing. “Don’t get too comfortable.”
Regulus sighed and resigned himself to being forced to participate in this silly game. He had had to once before, and he had quickly noticed that everybody was going easy on him. Somehow, he had felt equally offended and relieved about that and had chosen to pretend he didn't notice.
“Lily,” Macdonald began, her eyes sparkling. “Truth or dare?”
So Regulus watched as Evans had to balance a mug of hot chocolate on her head for five minutes, and Sirius resigned himself to speaking only in the third person about himself for the rest of the night.
“James,” Evans said when it was her turn to pick. “Truth or dare?”
Regulus watched him expectantly, grateful for the excuse to look at him.
"Truth," James said, earnestly, raising a challenging eyebrow at Evans.
Evans grinned. “Who was your first kiss?”
It seemed like an odd question to ask James, especially coming from the, allegedly, only person he had ever dated or even fancied. It seemed like the rest of the room agreed because almost everyone's eyes snapped towards James, and they were a few noises of confusion. Regulus furrowed his brows and cocked his head, mirroring everyone’s expressions of surprised curiosity, but his heart started pounding much too fast.
Sirius, however, roared with laughter while Lupin buried his head in his hands. Regulus sat close enough to hear him mutter, “Oh, Lily, you are evil.” He ignored the nervous feeling in his stomach and turned back to James, who was staring daggers at Evans.
“You are a menace,” James said darkly and ran his hands through his hair multiple times, the way he did when he was flustered.
Because Regulus knew these things about him now. How he looked when he was flustered. Or happy. Or worried. Without meaning to, he had gotten to know this ridiculous boy who was his brother’s best friend, and who was being almost overbearingly nice to him, even though he was a Slytherin, even though he hadn’t said a single nice word to him in the first five years they had known each other. Regulus had expected to be disillusioned. Had expected his crush from the summer to fizzle out like a faulty firework that burned out before it even climbed high enough to explode.
Instead, he was here, his heart in his throat, and his stomach turning as everything within him rebelled against the thought of learning who James had kissed.
Evans grinned innocently and raised her eyebrows at him. "Well?" She gestured at their friends around them. "Everybody's waiting."
Regulus wasn't sure if he imagined it, but he could've sworn that James’ eyes flickered towards him for just a moment before he closed his eyes and sighed in defeat.
“Fine. Whatever. It was with Padfoot.”
Regulus suddenly felt hot and cold all over and his rapid heartbeat was now verging on painful.
Mcdonald almost choked on her drink. “What?! When?! How??”
Regulus' gaze travelled to his brother automatically, who was still wheezing with laughter, holding on tightly to his boyfriend’s arm. Regulus clamped down on the irrational envy that flared up in his gut and clutched his mug of hot chocolate more tightly, staring very hard at the remnants of whipped cream that were still floating on top.
“Tell them the story, James,” he heard Evans say, her voice still dripping with amusement. Unable to stop himself, Regulus looked up from his mug, unsure whether hearing the story would hurt more than not hearing it. Instead of James, his eyes fell on Pettigrew, who was watching him with a faintly amused look. Regulus quickly let his eyes flicker away. Damn the observant git.
James rolled his eyes and looked down into his lap. “It was in fourth year. We were being stupid. Sirius here,” he looked up at that, and pointedly looked at Sirius, who was still giggling, “thought we could figure out if we were gay that way. Needless to say, it didn't really clear things up. It…” and suddenly, inexplicably, James’ eyes were on Regulus’ again as he finished, “it didn't mean anything.”
The words hit him right in the chest, and Regulus shuddered, suddenly, feeling a cold hard pit in his stomach.
It doesn’t have to mean anything.
Regulus stood abruptly, the need to run, to get away too overwhelming to ignore. "Excuse me,” he muttered, as he stepped over Pettigrew’s outstretched legs on the floor and slipped out of the room.
“Reggie?” He heard his brother’s voice behind him, but he ignored it, hurrying as far away from the sitting room as he could, trying to think through the ringing in his ears and the twisting sensation in his chest.
Four months earlier
August 29, 1977
James
James was in his pyjamas, quietly padding down to the kitchen to get a drink when he saw that he wasn’t the only one awake. Regulus was in the sitting room, curled up on the couch with a blanket draped over him, staring into the empty fireplace.
“Can’t sleep?” James asked softly.
Regulus startled, his head snapping up towards him, and then relaxed. He nodded.
James hesitated, then asked, “Do you want some hot chocolate? I was going to get some.” He gestured towards the kitchen.
Regulus seemed to hesitate too, but then he nodded again. “Yes, please. Thank you.”
James flashed a smile at him and slipped into the kitchen.
Regulus had arrived on their doorstep three weeks before that, with a haunted look in his eyes and bruises on his wrists and god knows where else. The Potters had taken him in without question, the same way that they had his brother two years prior.
For the first week with them Regulus had barely left his room. If it weren’t for the house elves who checked on him when they brought him food and the few occasions that Euphemia Potter came to check on him, it was as if he wasn’t even there.
Sirius had been beside himself, begging Regulus through the door to talk to him, but he wouldn’t budge. It was Fleamont who managed to calm him down a little and make him understand that he needed to give his brother time. And it had worked. Regulus eventually came out of his room, asking for Sirius. That had been two weeks ago.
Ever since then, Regulus ate with them and sat with them, but he was quiet and rarely spoke beyond polite, thank you’s, and excuse me’s. Sirius seemed to be the only one he spoke to properly. James had kept his distance, not wanting to overwhelm him, but he couldn't deny that he was curious.
Two steaming mugs of hot chocolate in his hand he came back into the sitting room handing one of them to Regulus.
“Thank you,” said the other boy and blew gently onto the surface of the drink.
James sat on the other end of the couch, grabbing a blanket for himself. The last few August days were still bright and sunny but the chill at night promised the imminent arrival of autumn.
As he spooned some whipped cream off the top on his mug, James glanced at Regulus curiously. He looked different than usual. Less guarded somehow, as if he was letting his defences down under the cover of night. There was less tension in his face and his shoulders, and his hair was a bit ruffled, maybe from tossing and turning before giving up on sleep.
“Are you looking forward to going back to Hogwarts?” James asked in an attempt to make conversation.
Regular snorted softly. “Not particularly, no.”
“Why not?”
Regulus gave him a flat look. “I live in a dorm with a bunch of morons who’ve been taught their entire lives to worship my family. And they will likely know about…” Regulus gestured at himself and then at the room.
James grimaced.
“… so no, I am not thrilled about having to sleep in a room full of Slytherins who know that I’ve followed my Gryffindor brother to live with ‘blood traitors’.”
James gave him a sympathetic look. “Yeah, okay, that makes sense. Is there anything we can do?”
Regulus rolled his eyes. “I can take care of myself.”
“I don’t doubt it,” James said, meaning it. “But if you need help...”
Regulus waved him off. “I know, I know, Sirius already gave me the speech.”
James smiled. “Good.”
They drank their hot chocolate in silence for a few minutes. James had expected it to be awkward, but it was actually quite pleasant. Regulus was relaxed, almost soft without James’ parents or their friends around. James wondered if he was like this with Sirius when they were alone.
James put down his empty mug and started to get up. “Sometimes when I can’t sleep, I take a few rounds in the garden on my broom. You’re welcome to borrow it if you want. The brooms are in the shed behind the flowerbeds.”
Regulus looked up at him with raised eyebrows. “Does that help?”
James shrugged. “Sometimes it helps me think. And even if it doesn’t, it tires me out so that falling asleep is easier.”
Regulus nodded, putting down his own mug. “Thanks. Maybe I’ll try it sometime.” He was getting up now too.
“Are you going up?” James asked as he turned towards the hallway.
“Yes.”
So they both quietly padded up the stairs. Regulus’ room was the first one they reached and they both stopped in front of it. James suddenly felt inexplicably nervous. Had Regulus’ eyes always been this soft?
“Good night then,” he said, and turned to keep walking towards his own room, but a tug at his sleeve stopped him.
Regulus was watching him with an intense look in his eyes that James couldn’t quite place.
“Wait, I—“ Regulus said, and to James astonishment, his cheeks were turning pink.
“What is it,” James asked, “do you need—?”
But he never got to ask what Regulus needed, because he had stepped forward into James’ space until he was just a hair’s breadth away, stilling for a split second, before he pressed his lips against James’.
James was so surprised that he froze for a long second but then his heart kicked into overdrive and his hands flew up to Regulus’ waist as he kissed him back. Regulus’ hands were on his chest, and he could feel his nails digging into his skin through the thin fabric of his pyjama shirt. He had never, not once before, thought about kissing Regulus, but now that it was happening, he could not imagine a single thing that made more sense than being right here, doing exactly what he was doing.
He didn’t know how much time passed until they broke apart, but he did know that it was too soon. Regulus looked back at him, and his eyes looked like molten silver. They stared at each other for a few long seconds, and then Regulus seemed to remember where he was, who he was, and stepped back hastily.
“I… I’m sorry,” he muttered, running his hands through his curls, looking horrified at himself.
James shook his head instinctively. “No I,… It’s fine,… It’s not—” he stared at Regulus helplessly, unable to find words through his racing thoughts and the sound of his heart beating too fast.
Coherence, it seemed, was beyond him at the moment.
Regulus straightened, and his face turned back into what it had looked like before that night. A mask, James realised. The mask that Regulus wore for what seemed like most of his waking hours. He had taken it off that night, even while James was there. Until now.
“I apologize,” Regulus said formally. “It won’t happen again. Good night, James.”
James wanted to stop him, wanted to tell him there was nothing to apologize for and that he really, genuinely would not mind it happening again (and wasn’t that an interesting realisation), but Regulus had already slipped into his room and closed the door behind himself.
December 26, 1977
Peter
“Okay Prongs, spill.”
After Sirius, confusion clearly visible on his face, had followed his brother out of the room, Peter had grabbed James and dragged him into the kitchen, away from the startled glances of their friends. He was now sitting on the kitchen island, opposite Peter, who was leaning against the counter, giving him a stern look.
James looked back at him miserably.
“We kissed.”
Peter blinked. “You and Sirius? Yes, I know.”
“No. I mean, this summer. Before school. Regulus and I kissed.”
Peter suppressed a grin and raised his eyebrows. “I see.” His mind already started re-contextualising everything he had observed, and he silently cursed himself for not considering the possibility that something had already happened between them. He was usually much better at reading his friends, but he supposed Regulus was a bit of a black box for him, still. “Okay. Tell me about it.”
The words spilled out of James as if he’d only been waiting for someone to ask, and Peter listened patiently.
“So,” he asked when James finally paused to get a glass of water. “What did you say? When you walked him to the common room?”
“Well, I wanted all this weirdness between us to stop, so… I said I wouldn’t hold him to it and that it didn’t have to mean anything.”
Peter groaned, burying his face in his hands. “Prongs, nooo.”
“What?”
Peter looked up, giving James an exasperated look. “Prongs… he obviously likes you. It not meaning anything is the last thing he wants to hear about kissing the bloke he likes.”
James, bless him, lit up like a Christmas tree. “You think he likes me?” he asked, his eyes shining brightly.
Peter gestured vaguely in the direction of the sitting room. “Obviously,” he repeated. “He kissed you, Prongs, why would he do that if he didn’t like you? And I see the way he looks at you, I thought he was jealous at first, of you, because of Sirius, but it all makes sense now.” Peter paused, looking at James meaningfully. “He likes you. I’m certain. Have I ever been wrong about this?”
James huffed a laugh at that but then his smile dimmed a bit. “But then… why is he upset?”
Peter rolled his eyes. “You just made it look like you go around kissing your friends without it meaning anything all the time. I thought he was going to break his mug out there at the thought of you kissing his brother.”
James looked horrified. “What do I do, Wormy?” he asked, quite desperately. If he didn’t look so distressed, Peter would have found it endearing.
“Talk to him,” Peter said firmly. “Explain yourself. Tell him you like him.”
James looked even more terrified at that prospect. Peter stepped up towards him and gently took him by the arm, pulling him out the kitchen and down the hallway Regulus had disappeared to. “Come on, mate. No time like the present.”
They walked past the suspicious eyes of Remus, who was leaning against a doorway, and Peter just winked at him. Before they turned the corner where they could already hear Sirius and Regulus speak in low voices, Peter stopped, giving James a short but tight hug. “You’ve got this. Just be your usual blunderingly adorable self.”
James nodded, and Peter was pleased to see him straighten his shoulders with intention.
Peter squeezed his arm one last time and then left him to it, walking back to where Remus was still looking at him with narrowed eyes and his arms crossed over his chest.
“Please tell me you aren’t doing what I think you’re doing,” he asked quietly.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Peter said innocently.
Remus gave him a stern look. “Padfoot will kill you,” he said quietly. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
Peter waved him off. “Oh, please. Padfoot will throw a tantrum for five seconds and then he’ll see how smitten they are and he’ll calm down. He is much too big of a sap to stay mad at them.”
Remus’ lips twitched. “I’d love to have a look into that head of yours, mate. I don’t know how you always do this.”
Peter grinned. “I’m just observant. It’s not that hard.” He stepped forward and draped his arm across Remus’ shoulders, pulling him back towards the sitting room. “For instance,” he murmured into Remus’ ear conspiratorially, “have you noticed how Lily has been looking at Mary lately…?”
James
James took a deep breath, trying to clamp down on the anxiety that was coursing through him and then rounded the corner.
Regulus and Sirius were leaning against the wall of the sunroom, and Sirius had a hand on his brother’s arm. He was speaking softly, but they both turned towards James when they heard him enter.
James cleared his throat. "Pads, could I talk to Reg for a second?”
Sirius furrowed his brows, looking back and forth between them.
“Is this… does this have to do with James?” he asked Regulus, who looked back at him stone-faced.
James was about to open his mouth and confess to everything, but Regulus beat him to it.
"Give us a moment, brother.”
Sirius looked at him incredulously for another five seconds and then scoffed. “Fine. But I want to know what’s going on later.”
James decided that it was not the right moment to remind Sirius that he was supposed to refer to himself in the third person.
Regulus rolled his eyes. “Fine. Now go.” He shoved him a little for emphasis.
With one last suspicious look at James, Sirius stepped out, leaving the two of them alone.
Regulus looked at James expectantly, with his arms folded in front of his chest, and his expression blank. James suddenly, viscerally, missed the version of him from months ago, who hadn’t bothered with his mask.
“What do you want, James?”
James ran his hand through his hair and grimaced. “I'm sorry for upsetting you out there. I didn't mean to."
Regulus snorted, looking down at his feet. “You didn’t, it's fine.”
James shook his head, taking a step closer. "No, it's not. I didn't get it, but I think maybe I do now.” He took a deep breath to steady himself before continuing. “When you kissed me, I was so surprised, I didn’t expect it at all. I hadn’t even considered it before. Kissing you, I mean.”
The words felt terribly awkward in his mouth, and he watched as Regulus’ face darkened. He hurried to continue, “and then you just ignored me so I thought you didn’t want to talk about it and it didn’t mean anything to you.” James swallowed hard. “But I couldn’t stop thinking about it, after it happened. I haven’t stopped thinking about it for months. But you… you were so dismissive, and I thought you must have noticed how I was looking at you or something, honestly, I’m not very good at hiding my feelings, but anyway…” James knew he was speaking too many words too fast but he was determined to get it all out there. “I thought if you weren’t interested in me then at least we could be… friends. If we put the past behind us and all that.”
Regulus’ face softened a little as James was speaking and James took it as the last bit of encouragement he needed. “That’s why I said that it didn’t have to mean anything. Because I thought that’s what you wanted. But now I’m hoping that maybe I was wrong about that?”
James ran his hands through his hair again and let the last few words, the most important ones, tumble out of his mouth. “I really like you, Reg. Like. Romantically. And,” he added quickly, suddenly remembering how they had gotten here in the first place, “I never liked your brother that way. I promise. It was a stupid thing in fourth year and with him it really, genuinely didn’t mean anything and really I’m sure he’s as indifferent about it as I was—"
“James,” Regulus interrupted and his eyes were shining as took a step closer. “Please stop talking about my brother.”
“Okay, yeah, that sounds good,” James said breathlessly, because Regulus was suddenly close enough that he could feel his breath on his lips and then their noses touched and then their foreheads and James reached out automatically for Regulus’ waist.
“I thought you were just being… aggressively nice to me, out of some sense of of obligation or something,” Regulus said softly, and then James could feel his hands, slowly trailing up the front of his shirt up to his neck.
James huffed a laugh as he felt goosebumps crawl over his skin from where Regulus was touching his skin. “Well I mean, I was trying to be nice.” He licked his lips. “But I also really liked you. Like you, I mean.”
Regulus’ grip on his collar tightened and he made a frustrated noise. “Are you going to kiss me soon, or do I have to be the one to do it again?”
James threw his head back then and laughed in earnest, feeling the cautious joy that had started to bubble in his chest spill over. “Fine,” he said when he had calmed down, and manoeuvred them so Regulus was leaning with his back against the wall. “If you insist.”
James gently took Regulus’ face into his hands and pressed their lips together, trying not to lose his balance at the summersaults his heart was doing in his chest. Regulus made a small, hungry noise and kissed him back without hesitation, making James smile against his mouth. He felt Regulus’ hands at his waist, pulling him closer as they deepened the kiss and James felt like he was bursting from happiness.
A few minutes later, when they broke apart for air, James buried his face in Regulus’ neck, hiding the giddy grin he was unable to wipe from his face.
“Best Christmas ever,” he murmured into Regulus’ skin, and he felt the other boy’s quiet laughter against his chest in response.
Peter
Peter had been distracting everyone from the events in the sunroom by getting them refills, but now that they were occupied with a particularly intense round of Exploding Snap, Peter slipped out of the room and towards the back of the house.
While he walked, he effortlessly transformed into his animagus form, letting the world grow tall around him, and just a second later, Wormtail was scuttling along the handwood floor, much quieter than he ever could have been in human form. As he rounded the corner into the Potters’ sunroom, he stopped and wiggled his little nose. He could smell the friends he had been looking for. He couldn’t see them that well from his vantage point from the floor but he could make out two pairs of legs at the far end of the room.
Wormtail rose to his hind legs and stretched up to change the angle of this view and then he could see that the two pairs of legs belonged to the two friends his nose had already identified. Their faces were very close to each other.
Wormtail dropped back down and quickly turned around, scuttling away the way he had come, giving the two of them their privacy. His job here was done.