Chapter Text
Zen likes this kind of atmosphere from time to time. It's just the right kind of night to take a small break from training: the weather isn't too cold or hot, the air is fresh and it's quiet and tranquil. Quite different from usual. Well, in fact, the total opposite.
He wouldn't change his everyday life, his cheerful family to anything of course. Not even Satsuki and Reo's childish fights, not Hokusai's cat dropping things off the shelves, not Waka opening another bottle of expensive alcohol while laughing it off. It sure drives him nuts at times, yet he loves all of that. If he spent too much time alone this way the silence would make him miss the racket anyway.
However, it feels like a waste to not take a little more time for his run than intended on a night like this, as long as it doesn't affect his schedule the next day. Sometimes one needs little time for themselves after all.
Stopping to take a small break in front of a vending machine and putting the money in, he starts going through his plan for tomorrow in his head. The training program for the morning is already done, he knows what to make for breakfast, what to prepare for lunch before the boys leave for school. Later he will help Waka with the Club Candy work and hopefully be surprised how well Anne-kun has lifted up their sales once again.
Everything seems to be so in place he doesn't even pay attention to footsteps getting closer.
"Gaho…kun?"
The empty plastic bottle slips out of his hand and clatters on the asphalt.
In an instant the content feeling is gone, replaced with so strong dread it's long forgotten how comfortable he felt just a second ago.
A call of his name shouldn't be enough to do that - unless it's a familiar voice, familiar yet the one he would've least expected. The last one he would've wanted to hear.
An uncomfortable wave, a horrible sensation takes over him. It goes all the way up his spine, squeezes at his chest and his head throbs painfully.
He's hearing things, imagining it, maybe it's the remains of a trap reaction, anything, anything other than reality no matter how absurd any of the other options are.
He isn't looking, he couldn't move even if he wanted to, even when he senses the person coming closer.
"Gaho-kun, it really is you! I can't believe it, what a coincidence bumping into you again!"
It's late. Dark. No one else in sight.
However, he seems to be in his normal state. Zen has to come up with something to say.
"S-Sorry, did I surprise you?" Inukai asks carefully and gets down to get the empty bottle and throws it into a trash can near the vending machine.
"Ah, no. Um, thanks," Zen mumbles, his voice coming out lifeless.
He still isn't looking but can clearly hear the excitement in Inukai's voice, just like that other time they met without a warning.
"A late night walk?"
Zen himself isn't too excited to continue the conversation but letting Inukai start questioning anything would be worse so he tries his best to act normal.
"...something like that."
"I guess we had the same plans then. Well, for me it's more like late night shopping," Inukai laughs a little and based on the rustling sound lifts up a plastic bag. "Oh, right!"
Should he just continue his way straight home? He should, absolutely should.
It's easier said than done.
It's been years and Zen has been doing his best to forget - he doesn't know how to deal with this kind of situation. A situation where he would be alone with this man without any other people close by again.
Zen has no clue when he might become like that. The more he tries to not think about it, the more the exact opposite happens.
The burning red eyes glaring at him with an intent to kill. Each hit aching in his body. The memory becomes more and more clear and suddenly it feels impossible to breathe.
"What a relief, it's sold here!"
The cheerful voice cuts his thoughts. When he hears the rattling of a drink dropping inside the vending machine he somehow automatically turns to the direction of the noise.
It's a bit easier to properly look at Inukai when his focus is elsewhere. As expected, he's not in a uniform at this hour anymore and instead is wearing a bit baggy casual clothes which make him look even more younger for his age than usual. Zen had almost forgotten how much shorter Inukai actually is when they're standing next to each other.
"I wonder if this is the most popular one, it feels like it's sold out in every store."
Zen bends his neck a little to look at what the other man holds in his hand and is surprised to find what seems to be some bright green colored energy drink.
It must have shown on his face because when Inukai turns to look at him he starts to talk in a bit of a panicky, faster manner.
"Ah, it's not mine! It's for one of my priso-, I mean, teammates," he stutters and hides the can in the plastic bag he holds in his other hand.
"Mikoshiba-kun… He's the youngest, still in his teens. Lately he has behaved better than usual so I thought that maybe for once I could make an exception," Inukai says softly and looks down at his shoes. "Well, I better not say such aloud or he might start causing just more trouble again. And of course I had to get the others something too or there would be a fight. I can't afford to risk anything so…"
Honestly speaking, Zen wants to comment that boys that age will never learn if you always give in and let them have whatever they want. However, the more Inukai talks the more he also seems to realize how little sense his reasoning makes, how he's probably technically being tricked.
"Ahah… Do you think I go too easy on them?" He rubs his neck in embarrassment and turns to look at Zen again.
For a moment he forgot how close Inukai is and can't help flinching a bit. He turns away and tries to concentrate on the buttons on the vending machine in front of him instead of following any possible changes in his eyes to keep the conversation natural.
"Well, that's…"
It sounds familiar. Maybe not to the extent he seems to have with the guys he's currently a guard for but he isn't very surprised. It's too easy to take advantage of Inukai. Zen has seen it countless times after all.
"If I'm honest they're a lot of work," a quiet voice says. "Always causing trouble, they're selfish, their attitude is terrible and they never care about the consequences of their actions," Inukai babbles desperately and a part of Zen wants to give him a pat on his shoulder to remind him to breathe.
"But…" he continues in a calmer tone. "They’re good boys at heart. I believe so."
Zen doesn't look but can hear a gentle smile in his voice.
Inukai hasn't changed.
He was always like this: friendly, caring, cheerful, always smiling.
He might have been a bit clumsy and awkward at times, and despite being part of the police Zen always used to find something delicate about him. It was easy to forget he's older than him. He might be a lot shorter but it's not only that: something about his cheerfulness and friendliness made him too naive at times. Yet, it rarely affected his work. He was definitely serious, working a lot more than most of the others.
He got along with everyone, but that was all.
He walked alone in the corridors, dined alone, probably spent all his free time in his apartment and joined drinking parties only when there was too much pressure to refuse going. There was a time Zen caught him doing paperwork late at night, something that helped many but no one knew about. He's sure it was neither the first nor the last time after all, almost as sure it wasn't even Inukai's own work.
That's it, Inukai probably didn't have any friends.
Zen can't help wondering if anything has changed.
Something feels heavy in his chest in a different way than earlier - is it pity? Guilt? He doesn't really know. He never was really the one to figure out different kinds of emotions.
He shouldn't beat himself for things he can't affect or change. That's what Waka has told him countless times, and he would hate to disappoint him.
There's just something that doesn’t feel right and the more he mulls over it the more difficult brushing off the tightness in his chest becomes.
Perhaps Zen felt bad for Inukai back then. Perhaps he related to him in some sense, too.
Later, when it was decided they would start working as a team, as partners, Inukai's eyes had sparkled. He had grabbed Zen's hand, shook it enthusiastically and swore he's going to do his best.
Exactly when did things start changing between them?
It took fairly long for Zen to notice Inukai had slowly started to become more open ever since: he talked more when Zen was around, he was seen less alone, suddenly he had joined group events more and he didn't overwork himself as much when Zen was keeping an eye on him.
Before he knew it they somehow ended up visiting each other's places more and more often, found themselves sitting a bit too close to each other, staring into each other's eyes for a bit too long to consider it just something normal between coworkers.
Sometimes Zen's heart beat more than necessary. Sometimes he found himself yearning to reach out, to find out more about the feeling he couldn't quite name.
However, he never did.
Zen thought so back then: that he didn't want to disappoint Inukai. That taking advantage of the situation just for his own curiosity wouldn't have been right. That he could be a better person than that.
He was young, they both were. A lot more immature, selfish and clueless than it felt like.
It's not like he would know what to do in a similar situation nowadays either but it feels a bit too simple to be a good solution. He was often told he's mature for his age but perhaps he was quite too naive as well back then.
Zen doesn't think he shouldn't have gone to talk to him that day or continue giving him company. He doesn't regret.
Yet, would things have been different if Inukai had more people around him to begin with? Would things have continued more like a normal colleague relationship between them if Zen had been less easy with him? If there were less feelings of responsibility to take care of each other, less affection, less of all that what Zen can't to this day explain what it was?
He knew it already back then. He wants to believe they both knew. That it couldn't have worked under any circumstances. Not even if he hadn't left, not even if all that hadn't happened.
"I'm sorry, I keep talking about myself."
The nervous voice of the present time Inukai takes Zen back from the past. He has no idea how long he has been standing there in silence and having a staring contest with a '200¥' button.
It's a good reminder to concentrate on now, not the past.
He can't be the one to give in.
"It's fine. Don't worry."
His voice sounds firmer already. He's able to look at Inukai now, too. He's got this.
"Must be unusual to get to talk with people closer to your own age after all!"
After hearing Zen's words Inukai slowly turns to look up at him. He tilts his head a little and the gentle smile turns into a more forced, uneasy one.
No.
Oh no.
"Wait, no! That came out wrong, I didn't mean you don't-"
"I know."
Inukai doesn't turn his head away but his eyes wander a little to the side. Zen tries to keep looking back, eyes widened and mouth left open as he doesn't seem to come up with anything to say.
"You…do?"
"Mmh," Inukai nods. "Thank you."
Zen can't tell if the smile is fake or not but there's a grain of something that could be desperation or disappointment. The hand Inukai has on the handle of his bag is clenched so tightly in a fist it's shaking a little.
It's enough to give him an answer. As expected, not a lot seems to have changed.
"That’s good."
He shouldn't blame himself. He can't do anything about it.
"I…"
He thinks about Waka. About his encouraging words. About how he felt safer after talking with him. How he should just believe him or he will just cause problems to his dear family.
"I-It's late," he tries carefully, voice trembling a lot more than expected. "I probably, um, should get back. Before the kids get worried."
He didn't plan on taking his leave before getting an answer from Inukai but one step away seems to be enough to set off a reaction.
Not given one second chance to prepare, a hand grabs Zen's wrist and yanks him forward, making him almost stumble on his own legs.
It takes him a few seconds to realize what happened and when he does the nausea he felt the first time Inukai approached takes him over again.
No, it may be even worse.
He never knew what triggers it. But if he has learnt something it was always most likely related to something negative.
Inukai hangs his head down, his dark hair covering his face and making it impossible to see. But somehow it felt like Zen saw something flash in his eyes.
He must be mistaken. He must be. It can't be. No. Not now.
"Gaho-kun…"
A part of him wants to yell, the other part wants to run away.
He knows he could technically still leave but the tight hold keeps him glued to the ground, as if Inukai's hand had a power to make him freeze.
His vision spins, mouth feels dry and uncomfortable shivers go through his whole body. He can't feel his legs and it feels like his head is about to explode.
Zen's heart throbs, for an entirely different reason than it used to.
When the hold around his wrist tightens the atmosphere gets even more intense, as if he was just on the verge of passing out. Somehow, probably by reflex, he manages to gasp and pull his hand a little toward himself.
"I-I'm sorry!"
Inukai's voice is louder than any other time tonight as his hold loosens. Even in the state he is, Zen can't ignore how fingers slide from his wrist to his hand a bit too slowly, making it almost feel gentle when the cold fingers brush against his skin. It's not until he properly lets go that Zen feels like he can maybe breathe a little again even though it comes out as panting he desperately tries to hide.
"I didn't intend to…! I mean-!"
Inukai seems to be his mere normal self. Must mean the earlier sight was just his imagination after all. Zen has never felt so relieved about being wrong.
"Ah, no…" he manages to stutter and subtly tries to make more space between them while holding his other hand against his wrist.
"Sorry, I…"
Inukai's voice sounds surprisingly calm and a lot less panicky than Zen thought it would be. Despite his heart still drums painfully in his chest he can't help being a bit curious now as the most alarming danger seems to be already gone.
Inukai's expression is quite completely different from what he expected to see.
He definitely looks uneasy but there's nervousness, maybe even a bit of shyness if Zen squints, when he averts his gaze but keeps a tiny smile on his lips.
"I just wanted to thank you."
Ah, that's right - didn't he use to make a face like this back then as well?
"I'm…glad to get to talk to you like this."
His smile becomes brighter when he lifts his head up and presses the hand he had around Zen's wrist a while ago on his chest.
"It almost feels like the old days," he laughs nervously a little and takes a glance to the side. "Of course everything is very different now. We were younger back then too."
"...right."
"Gaho-kun."
Zen inhales at his name being called once again. He doesn't reply but tries to carefully look Inukai into eyes.
"It's good to see you're doing well. I'm glad."
His gaze softens again as he smiles wider and properly looks up at Zen.
For a moment they stare into each other's eyes in silence, like time has stopped. Zen prepares to feel the painful drumming in his chest, the chills going through his spine, the nausea coming out again.
Against all expectations, there's barely any of that.
He shouldn't let his guard down at any point but the more he tries to find the furious red he still sometimes sees in his nightmares flashing in those friendly eyes, still glaring so gently at him, there isn't any sight of it. It's hard to imagine it's the same person after all.
Maybe if it really stayed like this, maybe if it could be guaranteed Inukai Yuuto will be the Inukai Yuuto he knows - could things be a little easier? A little more like back then?
"I… sometimes wonder," Inukai suddenly opens his mouth again, still chuckling nervously.
"What is it," Zen finds himself answering, perhaps a bit too quickly. His voice comes out deeper and more hoarse than he meant it to.
There's a silent pause when Inukai looks momentarily down, opens and closes his mouth in search of words. The vending machine reflects different colored bright lights on his face as he looks up at Zen again, and he's not sure if that's why it looks like there's a small hue of redness on his cheeks.
Zen probably shouldn't stay to listen.
"Um I, uh...do you-"
He never manages to finish - the rest is cut off as a loud ringtone startles both of them.
"Uah, ah!? Is it mine? A-Apologies!"
Zen lifts up a hand and shakes his head a little as Inukai bows for apology.
"H-Hello?" Inukai turns around and carefully answers his phone. "Kaida-kun? What's the matter?"
It's one of his prisoners if Zen isn't mistaken.
"I can't hear properly. What about Mikoshiba-kun?"
He can't make sense of any words but in the moment of silence some kind of noise reaches even Zen's ears through the phone.
"...Miss me?"
This time it's a lot more clear. Inukai has to move the phone further from his ear as the yell and swear words blare from the other end.
"D-Dont let out such loud noise, it's so late too! I know he made that up, please calm down Mikoshiba-kun!"
The yelling continues even when Inukai tries to shush the person on the phone.
"I understand, you don't need to repeat it…! Could you at least give the phone back to Kaida-kun?"
Inukai sighs in relief as that seems to do the trick.
"P-Please don't call me unless there's a real emergency! Just to announce Mikoshiba-kun is being annoying is not good…" he mumbles quietly, like he was afraid someone might scream into his ear again. "I'll come back soon so please don't do anything stupid in the meantime! I'm kindly asking!"
After a while the call ends and Inukai lets out a long sigh.
"I'm sorry you had to hear all that," he finally turns around and puts his phone back into his pocket. Zen shakes his head again, trying to tell it's fine. Inukai flashes him an apologetic smile.
"I guess I should be going. Before they cause trouble again," he laughs uneasily. Zen tries to join him by huffing knowingly but it doesn’t sound any less forced.
For a while, which can't be for long but feels like an hour, neither seems to come up with anything to say.
He wonders if Inukai expects him to ask what he was about to say. Honestly speaking he's a bit curious but currently he's not sure if knowing would do any good. It's better this way.
"I'm sorry for taking your time too," Inukai is the one to break the silence again.
"N-No, it's fine..!" Zen answers quickly but leaves it at that. At this point it would feel wrong to admit that he in fact isn't as worried about his own boys as he stated earlier, not when Inukai seems to have much more trouble.
Inukai apologizes again by nodding a little. The plastic bag rustles when he fixes his hold on it.
"Well then, I believe we shall meet again during next stage battles," Inukai's tone changes into a more cheerful one.
"Let's both do our best, Gaho-kun!"
Zen jumps a little when Inukai reaches out a hand. He looks from it to the bright smile on his face and back.
Shake it. He needs to shake it. He can't come off as suspicious or rude after all.
He doesn't. It's so simple but he can't. It's not like usual Zen at all but he can't move. He can't grab that hand.
After a while he settles with bowing quickly.
"R-Right! We don't plan on losing either!"
It comes out unnatural, nothing like his usual energetic self. It makes him cringe a bit.
Inukai stares for a moment until finally taking his hand slowly back to himself, accompanying it with the one he holds the bag with.
It doesn't go unseen, not even from Zen.
He makes sure to keep the usual friendly smile on his face as he nods but something in his expression changes.
It's there again. The heavy feeling inside Zen's chest, tightness that feels like it's going to rip his heart apart.
He purses his lips and has to look away.
How can he not blame himself?
"See you around then."
"Yes…"
"Mmh. Good night, Gaho-kun."
Zen tries to come off as friendly as possible as he nods, bows the last time and turns around.
It's tempting to look back. Not just out of curiosity but because he wants to feel sure - not knowing exactly about what. That he isn't following? That the smile on his lips didn't vanish the moment Zen turned around and took his leave?
He looks up at the night sky as his steps keep getting faster.
Waka… What should I do?