Chapter Text
Jisung had kept it a secret for this long, for 7 years. 7 long years and not once did anyone have any idea of the horrifying truth of what he really was.
Hybrid. Squirrel. Freak.
Filthy rodent.
A monster.
Since he had 'moved' to South Korea, rather ran away too, he had kept it a secret and had dedicated each day to taking it to his grave. He couldn't go through the abuse he had sustained day-to-day when living in Malaysia, not again.
Even when he couldn't transform, where he couldn't have his ears and tails magically disappear and he had to pin his nipped ears to his head, strategically laying his hair over them so they would be fully covered and taping his naturally curly tail to his leg as tight as possible, the pain was worth it because it didn't match to what he had experienced before. He'll endure every consisting headache, every ache in his lower back, and every sting from his tail than to have a taste of the horror from before.
And overtime, after meeting the rest of what is now known as Stray Kids, after debuting, and after being in the band for many years, even becoming lovers, Jisung had managed the art of keeping his originally existence in a tightly sealed, locked box, and has plans to keep it that way.
Forever, if he can.
But sometimes, he wishes it was different.
He wishes he could tell someone, anyone.
He mostly wishes he could tell him boyfriends.
But he can't. Even if they didn't instantly hate him, nor felt disgusted by him, they would be so angry at him for keeping this secret for so long. Lying for so many years.
They would hate him.. They would break up with him and even kick him out of the group.
No. No.
He has gotten this far and he refuses to let anything be revealed now.
He's doing this for them, they would feel terrible if they were to find out. They have already been through so much, he couldn't let them feel any more heartache, especially because of him. He can't let them feel any more negative emotions due to his actions. They all deserve all the love and happiness in the world, he won't darken their lives with his hideous truth.
Even if he has branded himself as a cruel liar, he can't back out now.
The only, only, good thing about being.. That.. Is that Jisung is able to tell early on that he's getting sick and it lets him plan accordingly. He can't hide his features when he is sick so he knows to wear a beanie or bucket hat and carry around some tape in case he gets caught outside of the dorms. He would just have to sneak over to the closest bathroom and tape his tail down.
But it didn't help him this time.
He and the other members of 3racha have been on a time crunch for these 4 new tracks they were working on and have been in the studio for 3 days straight, fully absorbed into their work. The other members knew this happened often and would usually send Jeongin or Hyunjin to deliver either Minho's homemade food (otherwise they would have eaten takeout) or some of Felix's baked goods.
They were all so supportive even when they were still busy with their own work and Jisung couldn't ask for better boyfriends than them.
They had managed to have all the tracks finished by the end of the 3rd day. Chan having left a little early to talk with one of their managers and Changbin had left less than an hour after him, promising to stop by and grab food on the way back for everyone, leaving Jisung to just finish cleaning up and save their work.
Which he had done diligently but the moment he had taken a seat on their couch for a small second, just to rest for a few minutes before leaving, he could feel the weight of exhaustion starting to weigh him down.
Even just the sheer thought of having to stand back up made him want to cry.
His body just felt the need to slump over and rest as a headache was slowly growing now. Even when Jisung thought he'd finally have a moment of peace, he didn't get to have that moment of peace.
Deciding it would be best to have a quick nap, just long enough to get enough energy to walk back to the dorms, he falls over on his side. He grabs his personal checkered pattern pillow to put under his head while tugging the blanket they always have off the back of the couch, wrapping it tightly around himself.
'Just for a moment,' he thinks to himself as his eyes close, forgetting the fact that his phone had died a few hours before, having forgotten the charger at home, and had no way to set a timer. But it was okay, he was sure he'll just naturally wake up within an hour or two.
Except for the fact that he didn't
While he had slept so peacefully, so calmly for 13 hours, when he had finally woken up the morning of, or rather, the afternoon of, was like waking up in a nightmare.
Everything hurt.
His brain was pounding furiously against his skull, there was a tight, scratchiness seizing his throat, and his nose felt like a glue bomb was shoved up it and had exploded, forcing him to breath through his mouth, having him let out wheezing, pained breaths..
He could also feel the light brush of fur against his skin, something soft having been cradled in his arms while asleep. While his head screamed at him, Jisung was able to hear sounds a lot better, the soft air being pushed through the air conditioning, the faint steps outside in the hallway, it made his ears twitch.
Fur? Soft.. Twitch!
Jisung forced his body up in an up-right position in a panic, regret hitting him as the feeling of bile pushed its way up his throat. With a pained grimace, he manages to stop it from going anywhere with 2 rough gulps, gagging afterwards.
This was bad.
This was so very bad.
He is sick, unable to hide his counterparts, and isn't in the safety of his dorm room.
He needed to get home, fast.
He can worry about being sick when he is home and safe in his bed, covered and protected. Right now, he needs a way to hide his deformity and speed rush home.
He can do this, it'll be okay.
It has to be okay.
As he has to slowly move around the studio, waves of dizziness crashing into him at random points, Jisung searches for anything that could help him. Tape, a hat, even the horse head that he used to have would work. But as he searched, not even finding his hidden beanie he keeps under the couch as a precaution, his only equipment was 3 rolls of scotch tape. Someone had to have come in and cleaned up here by how clean underneath the couch was. They cleaned the room, and now Jisung is missing his beanie.
Shit.
It's okay!
He has the 3 rolls of tape to use to tape his tail to his leg, that'll work, he'll just need to replenish their stock before Chan or Changbin questions what happened to it. He just needs something to cover his head.
Like.. Like.. Like a pillowcase!
Jisung grits his teeth as he wrangles the checkered fabric off of the pillow in a frenzy. He might look stupid but it'll work. He'd rather look stupid than be revealed for what he is. It can work. It will work. He can just use the excuse of it needing to be washed and he didn't want to carry it home. It'll be fine
Okay, good, this is good.. He can do this.
Shoving down his sweatpants, grateful he isn't wearing jeans or any tight bottoms, Jisung goes to work on tightly taping down his tail to his leg, groaning at the blood rushing to his head from bending over, making him dizzier so much fast thanks to being sick. His head has been consistently reminding him of that fact.
Gritting his teeth, Jisung manages to use all 3 rolls of tape, possibly an overkill but better over prepared than under.
After pulling his sweatpants back up, tightening the string and pulling the pillowcase over his head, tying the slack in the back, he braces himself against the studio door.
He can do this.
Having to pause for 5 minutes, taking deep breaths in and out to battle the panic in his chest, he manages to finally work up a spark of courage. And that's all he needs.
Jisung manages to pull open the door and peek his head out, glancing down each way, relieved to find it empty of people. But it might not be empty for long, he needs to move and get heading home.
Trying to keep the panic building in his chest, he shuffles quickly towards the stairwell, too anxious to wait for the elevator, and god forbid he finds someone in it. As if feeling as if someone was chasing him, he rushes through the door and slams it a bit too loud behind him, wincing as the sound echoes around him.
Gulping for air as he takes a moment for peace, he waits, listening. It was quiet, no other sound other than his breathing. No sounds of footsteps against the metal steps, nothing.
The stairwell is empty.
Thank god.
He can do this.
Quickly grabbing onto the railing, Jisung keeps himself plastered to the wall as he begins his descent down. He just needs to go to 4 flights of stairs to make it to the ground floor. It'll be fine. Completely fine.
He almost makes it down one flight. Almost.
He had three more steps until he was on the 3rd floor. Almost there, when the door to that floor had opened.
Jisung instantly froze at the sound of footsteps, laughing, and the soft screeching of the metal door swinging open. Stepping in the stairwell were 3 new trainees, ones Jisung hasn't seen before.
They were laughing, one seemed to be boasting as if he had just told them a joke, before the trio noticed the rapper on the stairs slightly above them.
"Sunbaenim!"
"Sunbaenim."
"Sunbaenim."
They had spoken, bowing towards Jisung as they did so.
But Jisung couldn't move, frozen in a panicked terror as if they could see right through him. They'll find out. They could find out.
The trainees glanced at each other, confused and baffled at how their senior was acting but decided to just shuffle along, heading down the stairs as they were previously about to do.
Jisung still couldn't move, even as the trainees were out of sight, he could still hear them walk and murmur to each other. They were going down, the same way as him. He just.. He just needs to wait a little bit, until they are gone.
But the thought of someone else walking in, someone more important finding him, stuck, frozen, acting so suspicious.
He needs to move, now.
His body works, but not in the way he needs it too. His hands are sweaty, the more he tries to grip the railing the more he is able to feel the slipperiness of it.
It'll be fine, totally fine.
Gritting his teeth, Jisung moves one foot forward, moving to set it on the next stop but his vision, it won't focus. He still moves on autopilot, taking the step. Two more until he has finished a full flight of stairs.
He can do it.
Except, taking that second step, his legs trembling in doing so, he misses. His foot catches half of the step, his body flinching in panic, before he feels himself slip off of it. Instinctively turning to land on his side, he feels himself hit the metal floor with a loud thud, a pained yelp escaping his lungs. Sharp whimpers escape his lips as pain spreads through his tail and up his spine, rolling on his other side as he pulls his legs to his chest.
Fuck, he landed on his tail.
Tears have sprung up in his eyes almost instantly, a sob breaking out of his lips as he tightened himself into a small ball, hoping the pain will ease up.
With the blood pumping in his ears and his brain slamming against his head, he was distracted. He didn't focus the on loud footsteps echoing through the stairwell up towards him, didn't see the previous trainees now standing at the top of the stairs, a step below him, didn't catch their look of surprise and bewilderment.
"Sun-sunbeanim?"
Jisung froze once again but couldn't stop the tears leaking from his eyes as soft footsteps were slowly stepping towards him.
"Are- are you..?" The way they speak is as if they don't know what to ask. Are you okay? Are you in pain? Are you a freak that hurt their tail?
With a pained gulp, Jisung slowly rolls to where he's kneeling on his knees, whimpering with each movement. The urge to throw up rising in his throat was making an appearance but Jisung manages to hold back, placing his forehead on the cold metal floor with his arms wrapped around his stomach.
Keeping his head bent down, breathing heavily, he shifts his hands to be placed by his head, slowly lifting his head off the floor. In doing so, he can feel the cold metal under his hands and fingertips, though a soft sort of fabric slightly under his right palm.
But it takes him a moment to wonder why as he lifts himself up, in doing so, he can feel a certain fabric slip off of his head, ruffling his head as it slides off.
No.. No, no, no!
Jisung fumbles, panicking as he grasps at the pillowcase, trying to yank it back over his head but he freezes as he grasps it, catching eye contact with one of the trainees.
Disgust covered across his face.
Disgust.
Disgust.
Disgust.
"Get out of here you freak!"
The words from the past echoed in his ears.
They know.
Jisung instantly flinches backwards in fear of the pain that would have followed afterwards when people usually have found out what Jisung was. He doesn't even know notice how they remain frozen as he scrambles up to his feet, his limbs working in a panic as he fumbles up the stairs, fleeing from the truth.
They found out.
His muscles ache, his stomach sloshes, his head pounds, but none of that matters. All that matters is getting somewhere remotely safe. Safe and covered, hidden, away from everyone.
They know what he is.
It's going to happen again, he knows it, but refuses to acknowledge it. All Jisung can think about is hide, hide, hide. He manages to get back without anyone else seeing him, his pillowcase having been left behind in his panic.
They're going to tell everyone.
He accidentally slams the studio door, uncaring of the loud noise as he fumbles for a few seconds trying to lock it. Gasping as he does as he takes a step back, half expecting police to burst in here to hurt him- to kick him out.
He's going to lose everything.
Jisung lets out a faint sob as he backs up into the wall, sliding slowly down it.
His members will hate him.
The tears are felt sliding down his face, the urge to itch at them follows as he manages to maneuver himself into the corner, protected from the view of the door by the couch.
Stay will reject him.
He yanks the blanket off the couch then wraps it around himself, over his head and legs as he is curled into a little ball.
The company will terminate his contract.
And he just cries for the life he knows that will end soon but loves so deeply.
He will be alone again. Utterly, alone.
His phone was ringing.
Chan let out a soft groan as he glared over at the offending device for disturbing the peace. He currently had a Felix draped over his chest as they were both laying down on the couch in the MinLixSeungIn dorm, currently spending the day relaxing as they watched the whole collection of Marvel movies.
To grab his phone would mean he would have to move his whole body and that sounded like too much work on a relaxing day. Chan just assumed if it was important, they would call back and he would answer then.
But as the phone went silent, and stayed silent, he assumed it wasn't and went back to focusing on the TV, lifting a hand to play with Felix's hair mindlessly as they watched.
Unfortunately, the peace was broken again, this time by Minho as he stepped into the living room, already holding out his hand towards the leader.
"Manager wants to speak with you, says it's important," Minho sighs, a headache already forming at the thought of them having done something wrong that the management needs to scold them about.
Chan just copied Minho's sigh as he shifts his body to slightly sit up, giving Felix a small apology when the younger lets out a small whine in protest as Chan pauses the movie, taking Minho's phone and holding it up to his ear. "Hello?"
Minho could hear the mumbling over the other end from whatever the manager was saying but was unable to hear what was exactly said, only able to read off Chan and Felix's facial expressions as the younger was close enough to fully hear what was said.
"I-I see? Well, what did they say?" Chan's eyebrows are furrowed while Felix's face goes dark with worry, then confusion as he tilts his head to the side. "But that doesn't- No, no.. We'll be there soon then, just leave him alone until we get there.."
Chan just hung up and stared down at his phone in utter confusion for a moment, pondering over whatever the manager had said.
"Well? What happened?" Minho huffed, pushing lightly on Chan's shoulder to pull his attention back to reality.
"Uh.. Well, a few of the trainees saw Jisung fall down a few of the stairs at the company?"
"Is he okay?" Minho asks, perplexed as to why they weren't jumping to go check on Jisung like he was.
"I don't- know, but they said they saw him wearing.. Ears.."
Minho freezes, stunned at the revelation, his eyebrows furrowing.
Shaking his head to rid him of these distracting thoughts, Chan rises from the couch, the need to see Jisung taking over.
"C'mon, lets go get him," Chan helps Felix off the couch before the trio head to the front door, quickly pulling on their shoes and jackets before making their way out of the dorm.
If anything was wrong with their boyfriend, they will all need to know but if he's scared and/or having a panic attack, it'll be better to just have the three of them there for now and will fill in their other boyfriends later. All that matters at the moment is Jisung is feeling okay.
They didn't bother waiting for the manager to come pick them up, instead, quickly hailing a taxi to take them to the company. The whole ride, Felix was nervously chewing on his lip while Chan was mindlessly messing with Minho's fingers, all with concerned thoughts in their head.
When they had finally arrived after what felt like an hour of sitting in that car, they quickly rushed out with Chan giving the Taxi driver a little more than required but he didn't care. Hope the driver will be happy with the decently sized tip then.
They quickly speed walk, practically running, to the elevator, just as Minho was about to forcefully press the button to go up, he pauses, and looks to the left.
There, the trio see Changbin, Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Jeongin exit the JYP cafe, entering the actual business side of the building, each holding a drink.
Seungmin was the first to notice them. "Hey hyungs! What're you guys doing here?" He beams while taking a drink before his positive expression drops from his face at the sight of his boyfriend's worried faces. "What happened?"
Felix glances at Chan to explain but it was Minho who speaks up as he presses the button.
"Something happened with Jisung, we're not entirely sure but a few trainees said they saw Jisung fall down some stairs and-.. Uh, we're heading up to check on him," Minho pauses, almost mentioning the ears but decides not to as he isn't exactly sure what that small fact of information means.
"Sungie? Is he okay?!" Hyunjin almost screams out in worry, his finger itching to press the button a thousand more times in hopes it'll make the elevator arrive faster.
"We're not sure but the manager did say he had ran back to the studio so he couldn't be in too much pain," Chan assures them, hoping that Jisung is perfectly okay and it was, at most, an anxiety attack because they can handle that. They have handled his panic attacks before, they can do it again and will do it again, forever if they have too, for Jisung.
The group of four decide to follow the trio and no one could convince them otherwise, all needing to see their boyfriend, wanting him to be safe and happy.
Chan just nods as they all silently demand to come, secretly happy to finally hear the elevator ding as it arrives on the floor.
"Alright, let's go check on our boy."