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It became a habit lately, that Jade will sneak into Azul’s room at night and lie down beside him.
Sometimes he doesn’t even sleep. Azul knows this because he can hear the sound of flipping book pages next to him.
Sometimes, at nights like this, he will silently hug Azul from behind. His palms would be laid gently over Azul’s chest, and he would press his ear to his back.
Only after he hears the thumping sounds of Azul’s beating heart that he will let sleep overtake him.
Had it been any other day, Azul would probably snap at him. Yelling his ears off about how irritating the way he treated him like a fine china. That Azul did not pick him as his vice housewarden for him to expose his vulnerabilities so easily.
But Azul is tired.
He is always tired these days. The aftermath of his overblot feels liberating in a sense that a huge burden that constantly looms over him has been taken out.
This constant fatigue, however, is new to him. Days come and go like flowing water sometimes when he spends the rest of his time in bed like this.
Jade murmured something to his back. Azul lies very still, pretending that he’s still asleep. His heart clenches a bit when he managed to make out what Jade was whispering:
You’re alive. You’re alive. You’re alive.
Ah, damn it.
How ungrateful he had been all this time–acting like he was above love when it surrounded him all along, nurtured him when he thought the rest of the world was against him.
Suddenly he remembers his parents’ warm smile, and the way they always have his favorite food ready whenever he thinks there is nothing worthwhile for him in the cruel sea they live in. Floyd’s toothy grin that he flashed whenever he succeeded cheering Azul up with his silly jokes and teasing. And then there’s Jade, and whatever happens between them. It’s all love in every form he could recognize.
Azul dropped his act and gently squeezed Jade’s hand with his.
“I’m alive,” he repeats, his voice as gentle as the Northern wind that brushes over the ocean. “I’m alive. I’m alive. I’m alive,”
Jade hugs him tighter.
And in that moment, Azul knows that everything will be alright from this point on.