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“Have a nice night, Bridger.”
Ezra nodded dumbly at Thrawn’s farewell as he slipped out of Eli’s truck. Eli took pity on him and smiled as he rolled down the driver-side window.
“See you tomorrow, Ezra.”
Ezra slammed the door open and ran towards the sound of voices as quickly as he could, skidding to a stop in the kitchen’s threshold as his family turned to look at him.
“Family meeting! Emergency family meeting, right the fuck now!”
Kanan flinched, his milky irises darting around the room. Hera placed a hand on his shoulder to settle him. With her other hand on her hip, she looked Ezra up and down.
“What’s going on?”
Ezra took a deep breath before blurting out the terrible secret he’d just learned.
“Thrawn and Eli are fucking!”
Sabine stared at him incredulously.
“What?”
She scoffed as Kanan frowned.
“Who’s Eli?”
The older man set his glass down a little too close to the edge of the table and smiled when the scraping sound of Hera pushing it back reached his ears.
“Who the hell’s Thrawn?”
Zeb peaked around Kallus’s shoulder, steadying the smaller man where he sat astride his lap with his head buried in the other man’s neck. Honestly. There was a seat right next to them. Under any other circumstances, Ezra wouldn’t hesitate to poke fun at them. Instead, he threw his hands up in the air.
“Thrawn!”
Ezra shrieked. Sabine glared at him.
“Thrawn’s our Art History professor. Eli’s his TA.”
Kanan cleared his throat.
“Isn’t that against the university’s code? Because of the age and power imbalance?”
Ezra blinked.
“Eli’s like, older than you.”
Kanan held his hands up in mock surrender and leaned back against Hera.
Zeb let out a gruff huff of laughter.
“And he’s a TA?”
Ezra nodded enthusiastically and Sabine rolled her eyes.
“Yeah, he’s attending on his GI bill. Super smart dude, he went to West Point right out of high school. Almost went career military.”
If she had to hear any more gushing from her brother about Eli Vanto, she might just hide a pound of glitter in his bed. Again.
“How do you even know that they’re fucking? Did you see something you weren’t supposed to again?”
Sabine knocked their shoulders together with a grin. Ezra winced and rubbed at his shoulder before flipping her off. Zeb, Kallus, and Hera rolled their eyes as Sabine stuck out her tongue.
“I ran into Eli at the store on my way home. He offered to give me a ride and I said yeah ‘cause he's a pretty chill dude and I thought ‘hey, what’s the worst thing that can happen?’.”
Ezra sat down on the dilapidated sectional that surrounded their kitchen table with a loud huff.
“Turns out the worst thing that can happen is meeting up with Thrawn in the produce aisle.”
He buried his head in his hands.
“Plus Eli had his hand practically in Thrawn's lap the whole drive over and at one point he squeezed Thrawn's leg and told him to behave and Thrawn straight-up whined. I told you Thrawn had to be into some freaky shit.”
Hera shook her head disappointedly, her hair beads jingling like bells.
“Dude. TMI.”
Ezra blushed.
“I didn’t even think he dated! He’s like the most boringest asshole in the world.”
Kallus raised his head from Zeb’s shoulder.
“He’s married. To Vanto.”
He let his head thunk back into place and Zeb chuckled, rubbing a hand over his back.
“How could you possibly know that?”
Kallus huffed.
“I was the Intelligence Agent assigned to their unit to determine if any of the reports of fraternization on-board the Chimera held merit.”
Ezra lifted his head from his hands to glare at Kallus.
“And…?”
Kallus turned around, elbowing Zeb in the process. The larger man grunted as Kallus met Sabine’s eyes.
“Oh, I couldn't prove any unprofessional behavior between them or regarding their relationship. My evidence had a tendency to disappear. The few scraps that did not were… ignored, so to speak. He had a number of important figures in his pocket, not to mention being something of a pet project for the head of the Imperial Security Bureau. If there was information on him that would serve to his disadvantage, it was not known for long. By the end of my time on board the Chimera, I had begun to question the importance of sussing them out.”
Kallus shrugged as if he hadn’t just dropped the worst bombshell they’d ever heard on Sabine and Ezra’s heads.
“Hold on, I’m gonna need the full story on this. Thrawn was in the Navy?”
These children were not going to leave him alone, were they? Kallus sighed and shifted around, trying to make himself comfortable over Zeb’s meaty thighs.
“Grand Admiral Mitth’raw’nuruodo served in the Imperial Navy for fifteen years, preceded by twelve years in the Chiss Expansionary Defense Fleet. Mitth’el’ivant’o, formerly Eli Vanto, was his translator and aide in the Imperial Navy. He also temporarily relocated to Csilla to dabble in Ascendancy Intelligence under Thrawn’s order. They were finally caught a few years later, on a reconnaissance mission between the CEDF and the Imperial Navy where Vanto was present, and was discharged for violating Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Vanto left the Ascendancy as soon as he could, following the trial. As far as both Csilla and the Empire’s armed forces and intelligence communities are concerned, neither of them exists anymore.”
Sabine furrowed her brows, opening her mouth as if she was about to ask him to expound upon her Art History professor and his TA possibly committing treason. He cut her off before she could.
“They wed as soon as Thrawn left the service. It was a lovely casual affair. Vanto’s daughter was there. She bit me.”
Zeb hooked his chin over Kallus’ shoulder, grinning toothily.
“You were invited to their wedding?”
Kallus rolled his eyes before bringing his hand up to card his fingers through Zeb’s unruly hair.
“I suppose Thrawn thought it would be funny. I was not the only ISB member present. He invited his mentor as well. ”
Kanan furrowed his brow, tilting his head in Kallus’ direction.
“You got bit at a wedding?”
Kallus grinned sardonically, wagging his head much to Zeb’s amusement.
“My charm knows no limits.”
He continued wagging his head for a moment before Zeb was spluttering around a mouth full of blonde hair.
“Just because I couldn’t prove their relationship within the required parameters does not mean I was incompetent. Apparently, I greatly stressed them. Vanto let his frustrations be known. L’un’hee is very protective of her father.”
Zeb scoffed, finally getting all of Kallus’ hair out of his mouth.
“You got bit by a little girl named Looney?”
Kallus huffed.
“I got bit by a ten-year-old girl named Mitth’el’unhee. L’un’hee for short, as is the tradition in the Cheunh language.”
Kallus stood up abruptly, cheerfully making his way to the fridge.
“Would you like some tiingilar, Bridger? Sabine ensured it would singe our eyebrows off this go-'round.”
There would be no more information from Kallus on the subject today, maybe ever. Classic Kallus.
Ezra groaned in defeat as he accepted the tupperware from Kallus. He would never be able to look at Thrawn and Eli the same way again.
Tomorrow’s lecture was going to be hell.