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Chapter Text

Charlie looks at the building in front of him, and then looks down at his phone. This is definitely where he’s supposed to be meeting his date. 

Who plans a first date at a bowling alley? What are they, 15? He shakes his head and reminds himself that bad dates make good stories. It’s the motto that keeps him trying again after every disappointment (and fuck, have there been a lot of those).

Walking in, he’s immediately overwhelmed by the smell of grease and feet. Charming. 

“Charlie?” He hears a voice call. He looks over and sees… oh. That man’s profile picture does not do him justice. 

“Nick?” Charlie asks, walking over to greet his companion. 

“It’s so nice to meet you!” Nick says, leaning in for a hug. Charlie stands still and accepts the embrace, not sure whether to be concerned or relaxed by the man’s apparent ease. 

“So… bowling?” Charlie asks, trying to get a conversation started. He hates first dates. People are always on their best behaviour, which typically means they're full of shit, and the awkwardness is usually palpable. 

Nick doesn’t seem to find the interaction awkward at all though. He smiles widely as he speaks. “You mentioned in your profile that you hate dinner dates because there’s nothing to do except watch each other eat. I figured an activity would ease the tension!” 

Charlie insists on paying for the lane and they rent their shoes, chatting lightly about the construction that they both encountered on the way here. Settling in at lane 17, Nick goes over to the screen. 

“Do you want to pick fun names for the board?” he asks. 

“Fun names?” If it weren’t for Nick’s well built frame and scruffy blonde beard, Charlie would be wondering if he actually was on a date with a 15 year old after all. As it is, he feels like he's out with a golden retriever who has been magically turned into a (very attractive) man.

“Yeah!” Nick says. “Like you could be Charmander, or Charlemagne, or Prince Char ming.” 

“My options are Pokemon, Roman Emperors, or Disney?” Charlie responds with a laugh. This guy is ridiculous, but Charlie can’t help but be swept up in his unbridled enthusiasm. 

“How about I pick yours, and you pick mine?” 

“That sounds like a truly atrocious deal, but alright.” 

Nick puts his hand on his chin and looks Charlie up and down as though he’s examining him. 

“I’ve got it!” the taller man finally announces, turning around to type the chosen name onto the screen. 

Charlie walks over. “Charcoal?” he says incredulously. “Out of all the names you could have picked, you went with a lump of coal? The thing Santa brings to naughty children?” 

Nick laughs. “It’s the colour of your hair! Plus I didn’t want to pick something so good that you would feel intimidated by my incredible nicknaming skills. You’re welcome.” 

“So thoughtful,” Charlie rolls his eyes with a smile. He’s slightly annoyed to find that the smile is genuine, and that he actually doesn’t think he could stop grinning if he tried. 

He shakes his head as he types in his date’s chosen moniker, and the board flashes with the new names and a cheesy animation. 

CHARCOAL VS. NICKNAME

Charlie goes first, silently praying for anything but a gutterball. It’s been a long time since he’s done this, and he’d really rather not embarrass himself. 

“Three down!” Nick shouts in excitement as Charlie’s ball knocks over the right three skittles. Charlie does a little curtsey before heading back to retrieve another ball. On his second try, he knocks down two more and Nick claps. 

On Nick’s turn, he rolls two gutterballs. 

“Aren't you supposed to try and impress someone on a first date?” Charlie teases. 

“I’m just lulling you into a false sense of security,” Nick replies. “You’ll see.” 

Charlie knows Nick is only joking, but the false sense of security comment hits a little too close to home. He can’t count the number of times he’s thought that a relationship has been going well, and come date four or five when Charlie actually starts to open up about himself, he ends up ghosted. He won’t be falling into that trap again. This time, he’s decided to go for radical honesty. If Nick doesn’t like him for who he is, Charlie would rather know sooner rather than later. He’s just not sure when to bring it up…

After his third straight frame of gutterballs, Nick suggests a snack break. “Clearly my strong rugby arms are doing me no favours, so I need to refuel.” 

“You just want to apply chips to your wounded ego,” Charlie jokes.

“I’ll apply my chips wherever I see fit, and I’ll thank you not to mention it,” Nick retorts playfully. “You want anything?” 

“Diet Coke?” Charlie requests.  

“Coming right up.” 

Nick returns carrying a tray with two drinks and the largest basket of chips that Charlie has ever seen in his life. 

“I figured we could share,” the blonde man shrugs when he sees Charlie’s eyes widen. 

“With the whole bowling alley?” Charlie asks, only half joking. The portion is truly obscene. 

They sit at the little table attached to their lane. “Cheers,” Nick says, holding out a greasy chip. 

Charlie can’t help but laugh. “Cheers,” he replies, knocking his own chip into Nick’s outstretched one.

They eat and drink in comfortable silence for a few minutes. 

“It occurs to me that this is precisely what you maybe wanted to avoid when you said no dinner dates,” Nick says after some time. 

Charlie smiles. Usually eating in silence with a near-stranger would be torture, but he had been happily munching away without giving it much of a thought. 

“Guess you better make some clever conversation, then,” Charlie replies. 

Nick clears his throat and wipes his hands on a napkin. “So Charlie, tell me about yourself.”

“Oh god!” Charlie giggles. “Anything but that fucking question!” 

Nick joins him in his laughter. “A truly terrible question, on both dates and job interviews,” he chuckles. “I’ll try to do better. What do you do for work?” 

Charlie swallows his food, feeling his heart rate immediately increase. If Nick is going to be an ass about this, he’d rather find out sooner than later. Might as well put all his cards on the table.

“I’m a sex worker,” Charlie says simply, making sure to look Nick in the eye as he answers. 

“Oh cool,” Nick replies. “I’m a teacher.” 

Charlie nods blankly, not sure what to say next. That was… not the response he had been expecting. Usually guys were either overly enthusiastic to the point of being creepy, or they made some gross joke, or they suddenly had to go make an emergency loo trip and simply never returned. 

“I’m trying to think of follow-up questions to ask, but I don’t know how much you’re comfortable sharing,” Nick says, apparently interpreting Charlie’s prolonged silence for discomfort. Not an entirely inaccurate assumption, to be honest. “I’m interested in hearing more, but we can also just move on to hobbies and allergies if you’d prefer.” 

“Allergies?” Charlie asks, still taken aback. 

“You know, normal first date conversations,” Nick says with a grin. He’s joking. Charlie told him about his work and Nick is being… normal. Making jokes. Not weirdly sexual ones, either. Like, regular banter jokes. It feels a bit too good to be true, so Charlie proceeds with caution. 

“Well in terms of the work stuff, I guess I’d just want you to know that my work is mostly online, and that it’s legal, and… that just because I do that for a living, doesn’t mean I want to like, jump into bed with you.” He finds it difficult to maintain eye contact now and says this all very quickly, hoping to just rip off the plaster. 

Nick reaches across the table and nudges Charlie’s pinky with his own. 

“Thank you for telling me,” he replies, and Charlie forces his eyes to return to Nick’s face. The expression he sees on his companion is painfully soft. “Am I right to assume that, er… that dates don’t always take kindly to that information?” 

Charlie laughs mirthlessly. “No, they don’t.” 

“What you do for work really doesn’t affect me in any way whatsoever,” Nick says gently. “And um… actually, er… since we’re on the topic of things that don’t tend to go over well on dates…” he stumbles, clearly looking for the right words. 

Charlie nudges his pinky finger back, and gives the larger man an encouraging nod, not sure of what might come next.

“You read on my profile that I’m demi, right?” Nick finally says. 

“Yeah?”

Nick shuffles uncomfortably in his seat. “And like, you know what that means?” 

Charlie racks his brain, unsure why this would be a weird thing to talk about on a date. “Demisexual, right?” he responds. 

“Yeah,” Nick says, picking at his thumbnail. “So like, when you say you don’t want to jump into bed on the first date, I definitely don’t want to do that either. I sort of can’t predict when or, like, if … I’ll ever want to. With a particular person.”

Charlie nods. Demisexuals don’t experience sexual attraction until they’ve established an emotional connection, he remembers vaguely from the LGBTQ Soc he had been a part of in uni. 

“That’s fine,” Charlie responds softly. “Let’s just get to know each other, yeah? No expectations.” 

“Yeah.” Nick breathes out a sigh of relief. “I’d really like that.” 

“Last I checked, I wasn’t quite done kicking your arse at bowling. Shall we?” Charlie gestures back to the lanes. 

“My arse is all yours,” Nick replies with a wink. 

Charlie raises his eyebrow and tilts his head questioningly. 

“I’m demi, not dead,” Nick says with a shrug. “Flirting is still very much in the cards.” 

The larger man saunters past him and Charlie smiles, shaking his head. What has the universe sent him in this Nick Nelson shaped parcel? 

Chapter Text

Nick has been thoroughly enjoying his time with Charlie. After their date at the bowling alley, Charlie had suggested Nando’s and cinema as a follow up. “Since we’re dating like teenagers,” he said. 

For their third date Nick had taken them to the arcade, continuing the theme. Then Charlie booked an escape room, purposefully picking a horror-themed one that he knew would make Nick jump. Nick got his revenge on their fifth date by choosing a pottery class, despite Charlie’s insistence that he was absolutely hopeless at crafts.

Charlie called a truce for their sixth date by taking them axe throwing, saying, “I may be small and weak, but I’ve seen how you aim so I think we’ll be even.” 

When Nick is with Charlie, everything just feels good and easy and fun. Typically by this point in a relationship, Nick’s dates have either already run for the hills or they’ve started applying pressure to move things along physically. But Nick hasn’t felt any of that with Charlie in the month that he’s known him; when they’re together they genuinely just have a nice time. 

Checking the time on his phone, Nick realises that he’s early. Charlie had invited him round to watch a film, and Nick’s anxiety had kicked in a few hours prior so he ends up on Charlie’s doorstep a full half hour before they had agreed to meet. He turns to walk back down the garden path, thinking that he’ll take a few laps around the block before knocking. Then he turns back again towards the door, deciding it’s best to just get it over with. Then he shakes his head, of course he can’t show up this early, that’s insane . He starts walking away again when he feels his phone buzz. 

Charlie: are you currently pacing my front walk like a madman, and would you like to just come in instead?

Nick smiles at his phone, and then looks up to the terraced flat. He sees Charlie wave from an upstairs window, and then his phone buzzes again. 

Charlie: front door should be open, if you head upstairs I’m the one on the left

Nick walks into the old subdivided house and takes the steps two at a time, knocking when he gets to Charlie’s door. 

“Come in!” he hears his date shout from inside. 

The flat is an open concept living room and kitchen with two doors to either side of him. To Nick’s left the door is shut, and on his right there’s an open one leading into a room with a soft bed against the wall and a tall ring light set up in front of it. He toes off his shoes and steps into the living space before him. Looking around he sees a settee, bookshelf, TV, and electric drum kit to one side, and to the other side he spots a relatively tidy kitchen with… a drying rack full of sex toys. 

“Sorry,” Charlie says from behind, causing Nick to startle. He’s walking out of the door that had just been closed, wearing skinny jeans and a cosy jumper and is towel drying his curls with a spare t-shirt. 

“No, no worries!” Nick replies hastily. “Sorry for being so early.” 

Charlie looks over Nick’s shoulder and seems to spot the rack full of toys, because Nick sees a hint of blush creep over the smaller man’s cheeks. 

“You play the drums?” Nick asks, heading in the opposite direction of the kitchen. “That’s so cool!” He sits down at the kit with his back to the rest of the room, and hears Charlie quickly tidying up behind him. 

“Yeah, I started in secondary,” Charlie calls from the kitchen. “It’s really good for releasing negative emotions.” 

Nick picks up the sticks and bangs out a shaky rhythm. 

“You’re terrible,” Charlie laughs, appearing beside him. 

“I’m trying!” 

“Budge up, let me help.” 

Charlie puts his hands over top of Nick’s and taps out a much more pleasing beat. Nick watches their hands clasped together, moving as one. He looks up to Charlie’s face to see a tiny concentrated scowl as the man bites his tongue between his teeth. A distantly familiar swoop settles in Nick’s belly, the early tingles of something growing in his chest. 

“You’re… really good with your hands,” Nick says once they finish. 

“I’m a professional,” Charlie winks. “Tea?” 

“Always.”

Charlie sets the water to boil. “So I was thinking we could watch But I’m a Cheerleader ? I haven’t seen it in ages, and it’s such a classic!” 

“Oh my god,” Nick replies, shaking his head with a smile, “I watched that in uni while I was going through my sexuality crisis and related way too hard to Dolph.” 

“He’s the athlete, right? Rufio from Hook?” Charlie fills their mugs and allows the tea bags to steep. 

“That’s the one. I also related to the main character, though. When she says she can’t be gay because she’s a cheerleader? Fully a thought I had in secondary school about playing rugby.” 

“But I’m a rugby lad!” Charlie jokes. 

“Exactly,” Nick laughs. “I can’t believe how long I let myself believe ‘it’s not a crush, I just really admire them!’” 

“You were looking respectfully,” Charlie smiles as he brings their tea over to the couch. “What made you finally see the rainbow light?”

Nick sighs, blowing on the steam emanating from his piping hot mug. “I fell in love with my best friend,” he says quietly. “And there was really no denying it.” 

Charlie reaches out and puts a hand on Nick’s knee, giving a gentle squeeze, waiting to see whether his date will keep sharing. 

“I couldn’t stop thinking about him,” Nick continues. “Imagining us… together. And that had never happened to me before, I’d never really thought of people in that way. I mean I think I had crushes before, but nothing like this. We were best friends, and flatmates, and I found myself wanting more but not really knowing what that meant? Honestly I was just so, so confused.” 

“What happened?” 

“My ex-girlfriend helped me put some of the pieces together. We were still good friends, still are good friends, and she’s a lesbian so she had some words of wisdom to share.” 

“God bless the lesbians,” Charlie says playfully. 

“Amen,” Nick chuckles. 

“And the best friend?” 

Nick shrugs. “Straight as an arrow.”

“An unfortunate fact of life.” Charlie gives Nick’s knee another squeeze, and then removes his hand. Nick immediately misses the contact. 

As the film plays, Nick is distracted. Charlie is sitting next to him on the couch, and Nick can feel his presence even though their bodies aren’t touching. He wants to make a move, wants to be closer, to hold hands or maybe even snuggle up under a blanket. But years of being told that he’s a tease makes him pause. What if Charlie thinks that this will lead to something more? Nick’s definitely attracted to him, Charlie is objectively gorgeous, and funny, and thoughtful, and kind, and just… amazing, honestly. But that’s different from wanting to have sex with him, as Nick has learned the hard way time after time. 

After coming out, he went through a period in uni where he slept around a lot, trying to justify his queerness to himself. It never felt right though; the encounters were always consensual, but left him feeling a bit empty inside. It wasn’t until a couple years ago that a friend suggested demisexuality to Nick as something for him to look into more. His trusty Google search led him down a rabbit hole, and he cried from relief. He wasn’t weird, or repressed, or internally homophobic, or any of that. He was just demi– he needed that emotional connection first before any sexual feelings could bloom. 

“Nick?” he hears Charlie say.

“Yeah?” 

“You kind of zoned out there.” 

“Sorry.” 

Charlie pauses the film, and then shuffles on the sofa to face him. “What? What’s up?” 

Nick scrunches up his face, willing himself to be brave and just ask for what he wants. “Can we cuddle?” he says, not looking at Charlie. “Without like… I don’t know if I’m ready for… more than that.” 

Charlie places a hand softly on Nick’s cheek, gently turning his head in order to look him in the eyes. “Course we can,” the younger man smiles kindly. “I’d love to cuddle with you.” 

Nick moves his arm to the back of the sofa, and Charlie tucks himself into Nick’s side. The larger man wraps his arm around the smaller, pulling him in tight. Charlie lays his head comfortably on Nick’s chest, and Nick feels his heart swell with affection. 

“You ready to keep watching?” Charlie asks. “I think they’re about to fuck in the pillow fort.” 

“Always ready for pillow fort fucking,” Nick grins in return. 

As the film continues, Charlie’s head grows heavy on Nick’s chest. His breathing slows, and one of his hands slides off of his own lap and onto Nick’s. Nick grasps the open hand, smiling to himself as he bathes in this comfortable intimacy. 

Eventually Nick feels a buzzing from Charlie’s trousers. Over and over again. 

“Charlie?” he whispers, pausing the film. “Hey,” he gently rouses the sleeping man.

“Mm? Sorry, did I fall asleep?”

“You’re vibrating.” 

Charlie reaches into his pocket and takes out his mobile, silencing the movement. “Sorry,” he says. “They must be doing a round.” 

Nick frowns. “Round?” 

“On Twitter,” Charlie explains. “I’m in group chats with other people who do the same kind of work, and we do these rounds where everyone retweets each other’s content. It helps to organically boost your advertising.” 

This is the first time that Charlie has spoken more about his work. Nick had been careful not to mention it on any of their previous dates, not wanting to pry. 

“So they’re like, friends of yours?” the blonde asks. 

“Nah, not really. I mean some of them are, but mostly you do it according to demographics? Are you really interested in knowing more?” Charlie looks sceptical, as though he’s worried about saying too much. 

“Yeah,” Nick says easily. “Anything you’re comfortable sharing, that is.” 

“Okay, so…” Charlie takes out his phone and opens the app, showing Nick what’s going on in the chat. “This one is for otters, you know like, smaller hairy guys?” 

Nick nods, and Charlie continues. 

“Right, so, the idea is that there are potential clients who are interested in more otter content, and maybe they follow a couple of the guys in the chat. When we do a round, we each post a tweet that we want people to share, and that gets our content out to more people who might then like, follow or, ideally, subscribe.” 

“So you’re amplifying each other’s work?” 

“Exactly. I’m in the otter one, a leather one, a jock one, and then a very niche one for guys with curly hair.” 

“Can I see?” Nick asks, and then immediately starts to backtrack. “Or not! Sorry, that was probably stupid, you don’t have to–”

“Nick, it’s fine,” Charlie smiles, clicking over to his Twitter page and handing Nick his phone. 

“Cerulean Sea?” 

“Coming up with a porn name is no easy task,” the smaller man giggles. “Most of my subscribers just call me Cer.” 

“Sir, eh?” Nick teases.

Charlie catches the pun. “Only if you’re a very good boy,” he winks. 

Nick laughs lightly, turning his attention back to the phone. He clicks on the profile picture: it’s a shot of Charlie wearing a beautiful leather harness, looking up at the camera through his eyelashes with long loose curls partially obscuring his face. The picture is in greyscale except for his bright blue eyes. Nick feels like they pierce through the screen and stare right into his soul. 

“You can scroll if you want,” Charlie says, “but it’s mostly a bunch of dick pics.” 

Nick hands the phone back, still wanting to respect Charlie’s privacy. “I’m sure they’re very artistic,” he laughs. 

“Oh absolutely,” Charlie chuckles. “Cerulean Sea is a classy cunt.” 

“Is it like… sorry, can I ask questions about this? Is that okay?” 

Charlie places his hand on top of Nick’s, giving him a gentle smile. “I don’t talk about it much because I haven’t known what your comfort level is, but you can ask me anything you want. I’m not ashamed of it.” 

“Is Cer like an alter ego? Or is it you with just a different name?” Nick starts, struggling to clarify what exactly he’s asking. “Like when I’m teaching I’m Mr. Nelson, and it’s me, but it’s also not me, you know? The guy I am at the front of a classroom is confident and funny and fast on his feet in a way that I don’t think Regular Nick really is.” 

Charlie nods. “Yeah, I get what you mean. I think with Cer I pretend to be like, the best version of me? Like he’s confident and bold and flirty and always down for a good time. Regular Charlie has bits of all those things, but everyday me is also like, grumpy and tired and insecure sometimes too, you know?” 

“I like regular Charlie,” Nick says softly. 

“You haven’t met Morning Charlie yet. That’ll be the real test.” He giggles again, and Nick feels his heart flutter. 

“I’d like to meet every version of Charlie.” 

The words hang in the space as the two men look each other in the eyes. Cinnamon brown melting into cerulean blue, irises contracting as inky black pupils bloom. The air is thick, electricity crackling between them. Eyes are drawn to lips like magnets, and Nick feels his heart might beat out of his chest. 

“I’d like to kiss you,” Charlie says. A statement, not a question. No pressure, just a simple fact. 

Nick is watching Charlie’s mouth as he speaks. Plummy pink lips, wet tongue against white teeth as he forms each word. Nick finds himself wondering how that mouth feels, how Charlie tastes. He feels himself leaning in like a magnet toward it.

“Yeah,” Nick whispers, closing the distance. Their lips press together gently at first and Nick inhales deeply to try to ground himself in this moment. He turns his head, reaching up to Charlie’s shoulder to hold on as the kiss deepens. Charlie returns the embrace, nimble fingers moving to the back of Nick’s neck, gripping tightly onto his shirt as though Nick might simply float away. The softness of his lips contrasts the stubbled skin that surrounds them, and a moan escapes from the back of Nick’s throat as he revels in the multifaceted sensation. 

Charlie moves in an instant, not breaking the kiss as he climbs onto Nick’s lap, straddling his legs. He grinds down and Nick pulls back, eyes wide. 

“Too much?” Charlie pants, lips wet and pupils blown out black. 

“Sorry," Nick says, looking away. 

“Hey, hey, no. No sorries, none of that,” Charlie reassures, removing himself from Nick’s lap and sitting on his heels next to the larger man. He’s careful to settle himself beside the man without touching him, and Nick closes his eyes, frustrated at his brain and body for making all of this so fucking hard. 

“Sorry,” he repeats. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Charlie says firmly. “I should have checked before climbing onto your lap, that was my bad. You moaned and I thought… well it doesn't matter what I thought, I’m sorry.” 

Nick shakes his head. “I do like you, I swear I do.” This is it, Charlie is going to realise that Nick is Difficult To Date and break things off. He feels a storm cloud looming over his head as his thoughts swirl viciously. You like him, loosen up, have some fun, don’t be such a tease.

“Can I hold your hand?” 

Nick opens his eyes and looks over at Charlie, surprised by the sudden request. He frowns, confused, but offers out a hand which Charlie takes gently in both of his own. 

“Please don’t feel like you have to rush for me,” the smaller man says. “We don’t have to do anything ever if you don’t want to.” 

“I know it must suck dating someone and basically just being friends with them.” 

“Hey,” Charlie says softly. “I don’t care if I’m watching a film or walking through the park or kicking your ass at literally any competition we try,” he smiles as he teases Nick, and Nick rolls his eyes fondly, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards. 

“I just like being with you,” Charlie continues. “And this isn’t just a friendship for me. Fucking isn’t some sort of magical line between just friends and something more.”

“I really liked cuddling with you tonight,” Nick murmurs, slightly overwhelmed by the validation. “And kissing you.” He senses a blush blooming across his cheeks. “I’m just not ready for the, er… trouser contact.” 

“No more trouser contact until you say otherwise,” Charlie nods. “Shall we finish the film?” 

Nick chuffs, feeling the clouds part as Charlie smiles at him. “Honestly I’ve no idea what's going on.” 

“They’re gay, doing gay shit. What’s to follow?” 

Nick grins widely, opening his arms to invite Charlie back in for a cuddle. “Commence the gay shit, good sir.” 

“Aye aye, Captain.” 

Charlie just likes being with him. He likes being with him. He likes being with him. Nick doesn’t have to hide, or worry, or pretend. He doesn’t have to try to defend the nuanced differences he experiences between aesthetic, romantic, and sexual attraction. Charlie likes him just as he is. Nick sighs contentedly, basking in the rightness he feels when he’s with this man. 

Chapter Text

Charlie moves his freshly washed and dried sex toys from the strainer into their cloth bags, ready to go back into his room. Nick is on his way over and the sex worker does not want a repeat of last time. He’s 99% sure that Nick spotted the various plugs, dildos, and gag in the drying rack when he came over to watch a film the other week– how could he not have, with the bright neon silicone practically glowing in the sunlit kitchen? Charlie shakes his head, smiling to himself at the memory of his date smoothly moving over to the drum kit to save Charlie’s blushes. What did he ever do to deserve that man? 

He packs the toys away under the bed and starts pulling the bedding off the mattress. It had been a messy recording. Gathering the sheets up in his arms, he deposits them in the laundry basket and grabs fresh linens from the cupboard in order to remake the bed.

There’s a knock at his door. “Come in!” he calls. “Just in here!”

“Hi,” Nick greets him with the lop-sided smile that Charlie likes so much. 

“Hi,” Charlie grins in return over his shoulder. “Almost done here.” He’s bent over the bed, reaching to tuck the last sheet corner in.

“Let me!” Nick says, rushing over to help. The large man lifts the mattress easily, slipping the final corner on. Together they spread out the duvet, playfully knocking their hips together as they smooth out the wrinkles. 

“Is this where you work?” Nick asks, looking around the room. Charlie nods. “I thought it would be… different,” the blonde man says. 

“Were you expecting a sex dungeon or something?” Charlie giggles. He looks around his room, trying to take the perspective of seeing it for the first time. Bed with drawers underneath for easy storage, adjustable height desk in the corner, and two ring lights. A bit plain, perhaps, but highly functional. 

“I think I was expecting like… fairy lights or something,” Nick frowns. 

“What kind of porn do you watch with fairy lights in it?” Charlie laughs. 

Nick blushes. “Oh, er… I don’t really… um…” 

“Oh!” Charlie says, surprised. He thought all adults watched porn? Some less so than others, probably, but surely everyone did sometimes? “Like, never?” 

“I mean I’ve seen it,” Nick confirms awkwardly, reaching his hand up to rub the back of his very pink neck. 

“Sorry,” Charlie says, feeling the tension in the room and wanting desperately to ease it. “I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.” 

“It’s just like… weird for me. Watching strangers do that?” 

Understanding dawns, and Charlie nods. “Yeah, of course. I can see that.” 

“I took pictures with a partner once and that… that was good.” If Nick blushes any deeper, Charlie thinks he might combust. 

“Is it weird for you that I… do that? For strangers?” Charlie asks. He’s pretty sure he knows the answer, but he still finds himself craving the reassurance. Plus, this will help him figure out how to approach another big conversation they need to have. 

“No!” Nick says quickly. “No, I don’t think it’s weird at all. People like it, you’re good at it, you gotta work somehow. I definitely don’t think it’s weird.” 

“How do you know whether I’m good at it, Mr. Nelson?” Charlie teases, stepping closer to nudge Nick’s shoulder with his own. 

“I don’t think 50,000 people would follow your Twitter account if you were shite, Mr. Sea,” Nick smiles, the tension visibly starting to ease from his body. 

“I dunno, I think the fucktrumpets on Twitter would follow a potato if it posted nudes.” 

“Naked taters is something even I could get behind, honestly.” 

“Well you are in luck, because we have potatoes in the kitchen that need help getting their clothes off.” 

“You peel, I’ll cook,” Nick says firmly. “Don’t want you starting another fire,” he adds with a smirk.

Charlie puts a hand over his heart, aghast. “A guy tells you that he forgot a pizza in the oven one time and you never let him live it down!” 

“It’s frozen pizza!” Nick exclaims. “So simple a child could cook it!” 

“Nuh uh,” Charlie protests. “Children shouldn’t go near stoves, what kind of teacher are you?” 

“A certified one,” Nick replies with a playful scoff. “What kind of teacher are you?”

Charlie grins. “I play one on the internet sometimes,” he says with a wink. 

Nick shakes his head and smiles, holding out his arm to gesture Charlie out of the room. “Full supervision in the kitchen until I say otherwise, Mr. Spring.” 

They set to work preparing dinner. Charlie peels and chops, as agreed, and Nick gets the potatoes boiling and sautés the rest of the ingredients. It’s not long before he’s sliding a simple (but still impressive) shepherd’s pie into the oven.

"Now we wait!" Nick announces as he shuts the oven door.

"Now we wait," Charlie repeats with a smile. 

"Shall we get a head start on dishes?" Nick asks it as a question, but he's already rolling up his sleeves and turning on the water. 

Charlie shakes his head. "You really don't have to, I can do it later!" 

"You think I'm going to come make a mess in your kitchen and then leave you with the destruction? Besides the fact that I'm trying very hard to impress you right now, my mother would simply never forgive me." He reaches for one of the sponges beside the faucet, and Charlie stops him.

"Not that one," the smaller man says. "Notched sponge isn't for dishes." 

"Oh, is that the one you use for counters and stuff?" Nick asks. 

Charlie's brain flashes back to the numerous sex toys he was washing earlier today with that sponge. "Something like that," he smirks.

Nick grabs the correct one, and sets to work scrubbing. They quickly find a rhythm, Charlie drying and putting away the dishes as Nick washes them. Charlie hasn't felt this comfortable in a kitchen with someone for years, and he's surprised when they fall into an easy silence, neither feeling the need to fill the room with noise. It's… simple and domestic in a way that Charlie hadn't expected. And honestly, didn't think he would ever have. 

Once the dishes are done, Nick reaches for the notched sponge again to wipe down the counters. Charlie puts his hand on the larger man's arm, stopping him. The smaller man sighs; apparently domesticity and vulnerability go hand in hand. 

"Notched sponge is just for toys," he says quietly. "Counters get cleaned with the antibacterial wipes under the sink." 

"Makes sense!" Nick responds lightly, crouching to get them. Charlie releases another breath. This man makes it so easy to be honest.

Sitting down on the sofa with their meal some time later, Charlie feels a bit self conscious at his lack of a dining set. 

“Sorry I don’t have a table to sit at,” he says. “It’s usually just me, and I never cook anything this fancy.” 

“It’s fine,” Nick shrugs. “I usually eat standing up at the counter.” 

“I guess those stereotypes about bachelors may not be entirely inaccurate,” Charlie laughs. 

Nick smiles. “I can cook and you changed your sheets today without, I assume, a mother or girlfriend nagging you to do so, so I think we’re doing alright.” 

“No mother or girlfriend prompts, I just can’t stand the feel of crusty sheets,” Charlie shudders. 

“Rightfully so,” Nick agrees, taking a bite of his dinner. 

Charlie pushes his food around his plate. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to eat until he gets this out of the way. 

“So, um… we’ve been on a bunch of dates but we’ve never really like, defined what we’re doing together,” he starts to say. 

Nick puts his fork down, giving Charlie his full attention. Charlie sort of wishes he wouldn’t. 

“And er, well, next weekend I have a sort of… work event,” the smaller man continues.

“A work event,” Nick repeats neutrally. Charlie has no clue how to read his seemingly blank facial expression. 

“Yeah so, I know I mentioned that I don’t meet up with clients, that’s just like, a personal boundary of mine. But I do meet up with other content creators sometimes? And we, like… create… content? Together.” 

“Okay,” Nick says without a hint of emotion. 

Why is this so hard? Charlie has been doing this for years, he’s never felt ashamed of his job, nor has he ever felt the need to justify his work trips to anyone before. He had also never been this close to what felt like a monogamous relationship with anyone outside of the industry before either, so maybe that was it. Nick has done nothing to suggest that this will be an issue, but meeting up with others for actual sex feels worlds apart from recording solo sessions in the comfort of his home. 

Charlie gulps. He’s just got to spit it out. “Basically I’m going to be meeting up with some friends of mine who also do sex work, and we’re going to fuck a bunch and film it.” 

He realises that he’s been avoiding Nick’s face this whole time, and forces himself to make eye contact. 

Nick is nodding. “Okay,” he repeats. 

“Okay?” 

“Yeah,” Nick says. “When are you leaving?” 

“Er, Friday afternoon. I’ll be done Sunday.” 

“I’ll miss you,” Nick says simply, picking his fork back up to continue his supper. 

Charlie is confused. Is Nick confused? Does he understand what Charlie will be doing next weekend? Charlie’s not sure how much more clearly he could lay it out. 

“Do you, er… have any questions about it?” he asks the blonde man. 

“Where are you headed?” Nick asks before eating another mouthful of potatoes. 

“Just a hotel in Battersea. We’re all local, but none of us have enough space to film group sex so we split the cost of the room.” 

“How many people constitute group sex? Because three is a threesome, and I want to say four is a foursome. But then what counts as an orgy? And does it all fall under the umbrella of group sex?” 

Charlie is trying to process this conversation. It has not gone at all how he thought it would. 

“I think it all counts as group sex,” he says quietly. "And then orgies are five or more, by most definitions."

Nick nods. “So how many of you are there next weekend?” he asks, continuing with his meal as though this is the most normal conversation in the world. 

“Um, three others plus me? Ted, Vinny, and Mal.” 

“Nice,” Nick nods again, taking another bite. “You’ve worked with them all before?” 

“Yeah. Vinny really helped me out when I first got started, and he’s married to Ted. And then I sort of used to date Mal. Is this weird for you? I feel like this whole thing is weird and you’re just not saying it because you’re trying to be polite.” 

“It’s not weird for me,” Nick says with a frown. “It’s just work, right?” 

“It’s totally just work!" Charlie rushes to reply. "But if you’re feeling like… I don’t know, jealous or something… I want to know. We can talk about it.” 

Nick sits back on the sofa, a look of thoughtful contemplation on his face. 

“Are you jealous of me grading book reports next weekend?” he asks. 

“No?” Charlie responds, confused by the question. 

“And if I go out with my friends next Saturday night, are you going to feel jealous about that?” 

Charlie shakes his head. “Course not.” 

“I’m headed home to visit my mum in a couple weeks, and I’ll probably go out for brunch to catch up with my ex. Is that going to make you jealous?” 

“Nick, that’s different. None of that is sex.” Charlie can’t believe that he’s the one making this argument. Usually he’s the one saying that sex is no big deal and everyone needs to stop clutching their fucking pearls about it. But Nick is this sweet cinnamon roll of a primary school teacher who seems totally blasé about his boyfriend going off to film a porno. Oh god, what if it’s because Nick doesn’t think they’re boyfriends? Has Charlie completely misread this situation? Maybe Nick isn’t jealous because he’s not attracted to Charlie and not only doesn’t see him that way, but doesn’t want to see him that way. Charlie can feel himself start to spiral. 

“Charlie,” Nick says softly, reaching his hand out to grasp Charlie’s own. “Sex is cool and all, but honestly I don’t see it as being some super special thing that should be reserved for your one and only. You going off to shag your friends professionally isn’t that different from me grabbing a drink with my colleagues after school.” 

“Really?” Charlie can’t believe what he’s hearing. He believes the words; they’re words that he’s probably said himself a hundred times while trying to explain his job to various people over the years. But he can’t believe that someone else is saying them to him. 

“You said you used to date Mal,” Nick says. “What happened?” 

“Oh, um. We weren’t really compatible? They’re polyamorous and I realised I really wanted monogamy in a romantic relationship,” Charlie explains. 

“Look,” Nick starts, “I’m not some robot that’s immune from jealousy. If you said you wanted to date one of those guys, I’d be jealous. I don’t want you to date anyone else. But fucking them for work? That honestly doesn’t bother me.” 

Charlie looks at him. Soft, honey-brown eyes surrounded by the faintest hint of laugh lines. Eyebrows raised, mouth quirked, earnestness oozing out of every pore of his being. How could Charlie ever doubt this man? 

“You don’t want me to date anyone else?” he asks quietly, needing to hear the confirmation once more. 

Nick’s smile is so warm. “I’d really rather you didn’t,” he reassures. 

Charlie knows he just needs to ask. Make sure they’re on the same page. “Does that mean you want to be, like, boyfriends?” 

Nick’s face nearly splits in two with the intensity of his grin. “Yes, Charlie,” he laughs. “I want to be boyfriends. Of course I want to be your boyfriend!” 

“Can I kiss you, boyfriend?” Charlie asks with a smile. 

“Please do.” 

Both men set their plates to the side, leaning in to press their lips together. One of Nick’s hands wraps around the small of Charlie’s back, pulling him closer, while the other cards through his curls. Nick opens his mouth, inviting Charlie in, and Charlie takes him up on the offer. They take their time, hands running through hair, across shoulders, over arms. Tongues exploring leisurely, teeth occasionally knocking together when neither of them can contain their smiles any longer. Charlie keeps his hands solidly on the upper half of Nick’s muscular arms in order to avoid even the suggestion that he might be headed towards some sort of trouser contact, wanting to ensure that he respects Nick’s clearly stated boundaries. 

Kissing Nick like this is incredible, and Charlie doesn’t want it to end. He shifts a bit to relieve some of the pressure of his own trouser situation, hoping that Nick doesn’t notice. He would never want to pressure this glorious man, who seems at once so at ease with himself and also sometimes so full of self doubt. He wants nothing more than for Nick to feel the kind of comfort and safety that the man has so effortlessly created for Charlie. 

Hearing Nick whimper quietly into his mouth, Charlie allows himself to revel in the sensations of this kiss without picking up the pace of their intimacy. Nick’s lips are so soft and his beard is delightfully scratchy. His hands are strong, big enough that his splayed fingers seem to cover most of Charlie’s lower back. It’s been years since Charlie snogged like this with no expectation of anything more, and he finds it intoxicating. Their faces move together, finding a rhythm between lips and teeth and tongue. He licks playfully into Nick’s mouth and Nick nips at him in response. Charlie grins, unable to contain his enthusiasm, kissing quickly over Nick’s cheek and jaw before returning to his lips for more. 

They kiss for so long that Charlie’s skin starts to burn from the friction of Nick’s scruffy beard. Dinner long since abandoned, they cuddle on the sofa as the sun sets, breathing breaks between kisses growing longer each time. 

“I should head home,” Nick finally murmurs into the dusk-lit room. 

Charlie’s hand, which had been resting on Nick’s clothed chest, involuntarily contracts, grabbing his shirt. “Stay?”

Nick looks at him, eyes questioning. 

“No expectations,” Charlie clarifies. “Just… stay. Please?” 

The blonde man’s mouth twitches into a small smile. He nods, and Charlie takes him by the hand and leads him to bed.

Chapter Text

Nick: Miss you

Charlie: you saw me for lunch like four hours ago

Nick: So?

Charlie: such a sap. i miss you too

Charlie: sorry for working this weekend

Nick: Don’t be sorry. I hope you have fun and get lots of good shots!

Charlie: maximum money shots is kind of the goal

Nick: I’ll light a candle and manifest it for you <3

Nick sighs, putting his phone away. He has a lot of year 5 book reports to get through, and he wants to get them out of the way tonight so that he can relax tomorrow. 

The problem is that his mind keeps wandering back to last weekend, when he stayed the night at Charlie’s. 

“I don’t want you to feel any pressure, okay?” Charlie whispers as they walk hand in hand into his darkened bedroom. “Just cuddles, yeah?” 

Nick nods, the rise and fall of his chest increasing as he sees Charlie’s bed. He wants this so badly, to fall asleep and wake up in Charlie’s arms. Sleeping with someone has always felt so intimate to Nick– he never understood why it was slang for sex when the two were such totally different categories in his mind. 

“Pants or jimjams?” Charlie asks as he pulls off his fuzzy jumper. Nick watches him from across the room, backlit in moonlight. 

“Pants is fine,” Nick responds, flicking open the buttons on his shirt and pulling it off. He’s glad he wore a tee underneath– topless cuddles in bed might be a bit too much for him still. Charlie follows his lead, removing his skinny jeans but leaving his t-shirt on. 

Pulling back the blanket, Nick sees a worn stuffed cat sticking out from under a pillow. He glances up at Charlie, who smiles warmly in return. 

“I think Kitty can probably sleep on his own tonight,” the shorter man jokes, putting the plushie on the side table. 

They crawl into bed and Nick feels his skin prickle with heat against the cool sheets. 

“Big spoon or little spoon?” Charlie asks softly. 

“I can go either way,” Nick replies. 

Charlie smirks. “Good to know.” 

Nick smiles to himself, the casual flirty banter putting him at ease. “Can I be little tonight?” 

“‘Course you can,” Charlie murmurs, opening up his arms for Nick to snuggle into his chest. 

He closes his eyes, hearing the steady drum of Charlie’s heartbeat, the sweet smell of his boyfriend filling his nose and carrying him to sleep.

Present day Nick shakes his head, reading the same sentence on this “Mountain of Magic” report for probably the seventh time. He decides to take a break, getting up to make himself a cup of tea. 

He hears the distant whistle of the kettle. Blinking his eyes open, he’s confused by the direction of the light. That’s not where his window belongs. Taking a deep breath, he remembers: Charlie. 

“Char?” he calls out, sleep still clouding his mind. 

Soft footsteps. The bed dips. 

“Aww, I wanted to be back before you woke up,” Charlie says quietly. “I made us tea.” 

Nick smiles, shuffling to sit up in bed and gratefully accepting the mug. 

“Did you just call me Char?” his boyfriend asks. 

“Must have just slipped out.” 

Charlie cuddles up against Nick’s arm. “I like it. It’s cute.” 

“You’re cute,” Nick teases. “I was warned to expect a nightmare with Morning Charlie, and instead I get fluffy bedhead and tea?” 

Charlie reaches up to smooth down his hair, but it’s no use. His curls are as wild as Nick has ever seen them. The larger man kisses the smaller one’s head.

“Maybe I’m still trying to impress you,” Charlie replies.

“It’s working,” Nick whispers, setting down his mug in order to pull Charlie into a searing snog. 

Charlie starts to return the kiss and then breaks away. “Nick!” he says, lightly slapping the blonde’s chest. “I haven’t brushed my teeth yet, my breath is a crime!”

“Fortunately for you, I have a thing for criminals.” 

Nick’s kettle whistles, pulling him from his reverie. He really needs to get these daydreams under control if he has any hope of making it through all this grading. 

The following night, Nick heads to the pub to meet up with some of his mates. It took almost all day, but he finally got through all the book reports and is looking forward to a night off. 

“Nicky boy!” Christian shouts from across the room, waving his arms as Nick walks in. Sai and Otis turn to greet him as well, and Nick smiles at his friends. The pub is a little hole-in-the-wall place that they like because it’s never too crowded, even on a Saturday night. 

“Gentlemen,” he nods as he sits down at the permanently sticky table. “How was the game today? Sorry I missed it, grading was kicking my arse.” Grading, highly distracting fantasies about cuddling with his boyfriend– same difference.

“You didn’t miss much, mate,” Sai says sadly. “We got our arses handed to us by the fucking Badgers.” 

“I’ve never seen a social team play so dirty,” Otis shakes his head. “And the ref was totally fucking blind.” 

Nick’s eyes have wandered over to the door of the pub, where a familiar flop of black curls has just walked in from the rain. 

Christian follows Nick’s line of sight and elbows the teacher. “Nick’s not blind though, eh? That’s a fit looking group of men.” 

Sai and Otis turn around to look. “The curly-haired one is definitely Nick’s type,” Sai says. 

“What about the one with the buzzcut and tattoos? Doesn’t he look a bit like that guy you used to date? What was his name?” Christian asks. 

“Their name,” Otis corrects. “Kam transitioned while they were together, remember?” 

“Right right, sorry,” Christian nods. 

“I think we’ve lost him, boys,” Sai correctly assesses. 

Nick has been watching Charlie this entire time, only vaguely aware of the conversation that his mates are having around him. His boyfriend has walked in with three of the queerest looking men that Nick has ever seen, and he’s not sure whether to get up and greet them or let them be. He wants to say hi to Charlie, but doesn’t want to force an interaction between their friend groups if that would be unwelcome. 

Fortunately Charlie spots him across the uncrowded pub, and his face immediately splits into a grin. He says something to the people he came with, who all turn to look at Nick with eager curiosity. Nick waves, unsure of the social graces for this particular situation. He’s pretty sure these are the men that Charlie has been fucking in a fancy hotel room all day. 

“Hi,” Charlie says as he walks over, saving Nick from further overthinking. 

“Hi,” Nick smiles back dreamily. Charlie’s hair is damp from the rain, sharpening the definition of his curls and giving him a dewy halo. 

“Hi,” Christian says loudly. Sai kicks him under the table. 

“Um, guys,” Nick explains, “this is Charlie. My boyfriend.” 

“Ahh,” both Otis and Sai hum in understanding. Nick shoots them a glare, silently begging them not to embarrass him. Christian, as usual, doesn’t get the fucking memo. 

“So you’re the guy Nick has been obsessing over for the past couple months!” Nick’s soon-to-be-ex-mate says very loudly. 

Charlie giggles. God bless this fucking man. 

“It’s so nice to meet you all!” he responds politely. 

“We asked Nick to bring you out tonight, he said you were working,” Otis mentions.

Nick’s eyes widen, but Charlie stays calm. “I finished early!” he says smoothly. “Just came out for a pint with some of my friends.” 

“Bring them over!” Christian demands. “There’s plenty of room!” 

Nick curses himself for not choosing a busier spot.

“Charlie might want a relaxing evening with his mates,” Nick says through gritted teeth, worried about how easily this could get out of hand. His friends are not bad people, but they’re nosy as fuck and can be absolute eggs when it comes to sensitive topics. 

“Why don’t you go buy Charlie a drink,” Sai suggests, mercifully giving Nick the opportunity to talk to his boyfriend away from listening ears. 

“Yeah,” Nick agrees, getting up and taking Charlie’s hand as they walk over to the bar. “I’m so sorry about them,” he whispers once they’re out of earshot. 

“They seem nice,” Charlie smiles. 

Nick takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “They are,” he nods. 

“We don’t have to join you if you don’t want,” Charlie says, gently squeezing Nick’s hand. 

“It’s not that I don’t want you to,” Nick explains, “it’s just that when they asked me to invite you out this weekend and I said you were working, they had about a million questions about you and your job and your life. I told them something vague about customer service because, like… you know…” 

The smaller man throws his head back in a laugh. “Customer service!” he repeats. “That’s quite good, I’ll have to remember that. Usually I just tell people I work at a sex toy shop. Adjacent to the truth, and awkward enough that they don’t ask follow up questions.” 

Nick groans. “These idiots will definitely ask follow up questions.” 

“Nick,” Charlie says, taking both of Nick’s hands in his own. “This is not the end of the world. We can hang out as a group, or not. I’d like to get to know your friends better, but we don’t have to do it tonight if you’d rather we didn’t. I’ll just throw my friends under the bus and say that they’re antisocial, if you want me to.” 

“Rude of you,” a large, older man says from behind Charlie. The curly-haired man turns around and rolls his eyes at the friend of his that’s just joined them at the counter. “Thought you were buying a round, not eye-fucking your boyfriend at the bar,” the large man adds.

“Shut your face, Vin,” Charlie replies with a playful scoff. 

“We’re thirsty and you’re slow!” Vin responds. 

“I’m going to make you socialise with a bunch of rugby lads if you’re not careful, you old prick,” Charlie threatens.

“Oh no, a bunch of fit men who like to roll around in the mud with other fit men, whatever will I do?” Vin’s response drips with heavy sarcasm. 

“They’re straight,” Nick supplies, and Vin looks at him for the first time during this entire exchange. His eyes trail down Nick’s body and then back up again as a flirty grin spreads across his face. 

“And I’m married,” the man replies with a wink. “What’s your point, gorgeous?”

“Quit creeping on my boyfriend, you fucking lech,” Charlie smacks the man on the chest. “You haven’t even introduced yourself. Can’t take you anywhere, honestly.” 

Vin steps back and takes a deep bow, flourishing his arms. “Vinny VanderSpank, at your service.” 

“Nick Nelson,” Nick replies with a sharp nod. This guy is… interesting. It occurs to Nick once again that Vinny and Charlie have been having sex all day. Nick searches his body for any hint of jealousy and doesn’t find it– he mostly just feels confused by the unexpected addition of his boyfriend and friends to a night out with the rugby lads. 

“So should we send the round to your table, or…?” Vinny asks, looking at Nick to clarify the invitation. 

“Oh,” Nick says. “Yeah, sure. I know my friends really want to meet Charlie.” 

Vinny’s smile softens, and Nick thinks he might be dropping a bit of his facade. “Yeah, CC’s a good cunt,” the man replies, crinkling his nose and giving Charlie’s cheek a pinch. 

“Fuck off, you munter,” Charlie murmurs affectionately, pulling his face out of the other man’s grasp.

Vin puts his hands up in mock surrender. “Off I fuck,” he says as he backs up to go collect the two other men from their original table. 

Charlie’s gaze returns to Nick, and the smaller man smiles warmly. “You sure about this?” 

Nick chuckles. “What could possibly go wrong?” 

His boyfriend continues with his gentle, loving stare, and Nick decides to ask a clarifying question. “Er, by the way… is that like, his real name, or…?” 

“We all call each other by our porn names,” Charlie explains. “It just helps with mental boundaries, you know? CC is for Cerulean Sea, obviously, but it’s close enough to Charlie that I don’t think it’ll confuse your friends.” 

Nick nods. “And you don’t mind them knowing your name is Charlie? Or like, should I have called you CC? Sorry, I just don’t want to make things weird.” 

Charlie squeezes Nick’s hand. “Vinny is an obnoxious fuck but he’s been in the business for years and he knows when to be discreet. They all do. I’m really not worried about it, honestly.”

“Well then,” Nick takes a deep breath. “Off we fuck, I suppose.” 

After ordering a round, they head back to the table where the rugby lads and Charlie’s friends have already started getting acquainted. Nick is nervous about the mingling of these two groups, but he settles down on the bench next to Charlie and tries to just relax and see what happens. 

“– and then this flanker comes out of fucking nowhere and lands the dirtiest fucking hit, well above the waist, and the ref didn’t even fucking call it!” Otis is passionately giving the three new companions a play-by-play of the rugby match earlier that day. 

“That’s not fucking on!” Vinny replies with equal intensity. Nick realises he hasn’t been introduced to the two other men, but based on porn names alone he’s willing to guess that the big bear-looking guy is probably Ted, which means the smaller one with a buzzcut and tattoos is Mal. 

Maybe-Ted leans over to Nick. “Vin rarely gets to talk about sports, so he’s fucking thrilled to have found himself in this spot,” the man whispers. “Meanwhile Mal and I can’t be fucked. What’s so interesting about running around with a ball?” 

“As if you don’t love playing with balls,” Mal murmurs under their breath. 

Ted elbows them in the side. “Jog on, fucknut.” 

Nick smiles. “These guys will talk your bloody ear off if you let them. Maybe if we work as a team we can get them to change the topic?” 

Ted gives a nod and a wink. “So did you lads meet through rugby, or did you already know each other?” 

“Nick and I work together over at Cobourg Primary,” Sai says. “We both used to play back in uni and bonded over that on lunch breaks, then decided to join the social league to reclaim our youth.” 

Charlie snorts, then apologises.

Nick looks over at him, cheeky smile playing on the corners of his mouth. “You got an issue with me reclaiming my youth, Spring?” 

“Reclamation might be your only hope, given that you’ve well since lost the original to the cruel passage of time,” Charlie sasses in return. 

“Oi!” Nick grabs his boyfriend and drives his fingers into the younger man’s ribs, giving him a tickle. “Take that back, you!” 

“You’re! Old!” Charlie breathes out between giggles. “No! Denying! Facts!” 

“He’s not too old to lay you over his knee, boy-o,” Vinny says with a saucy wink. Nick stops tickling Charlie and looks at the grey-haired man, eyes wide. Discretion must not include abstaining from overt sexual innuendo , Nick thinks.

“My deepest apologies, Grandpa,” Charlie replies with a roll of his eyes. Vin looks like he’s about to say something cheeky in return, but Ted puts a hand on his arm to stop him. 

“So how did you all meet?” Otis asks, trying to move the conversation along. Or perhaps he’s just wondering what two guys in their late twenties are doing hanging out with a significantly older pair. 

“Through friends,” Ted says smoothly. “We don’t get to see each other as often as we like, but it’s always nice when the stars align and we can work in a good old natter, eh?” 

“Speaking of, did you lot hear about what His Royal Cockwomble has done now? I saw in the paper this morning that he’s…” Vinny starts in on some salacious gossip about the next in line to the throne, which captures everyone’s interest. Nick puts his arm around Charlie, and the smaller man cuddles in close. It's nice being out in public with him and their friends; a bit of a ragtag group, but everyone seems committed to a pleasant time. Fortunately there are no monarchists at the table, and the evening passes easily with everyone sharing their favourite rumours and conspiracy theories about the royal family. 

“And why shouldn’t he like to get pegged?” Vinny asks far too loudly as the table finishes their fourth round. 

“I do believe that pegging is our cue to head out,” Ted says, taking his husband’s hand and pulling him up. “It was lovely to meet you all, truly. We’ll see you boys soon, eh?” he asks pointedly towards Charlie and Mal. Nick remembers that Charlie wasn’t due back until tomorrow, which means they likely have some more filming to complete. 

“Do you need to go?” he whispers to Charlie. 

Charlie looks back at him with those big blue eyes. “I wish I didn’t.” 

Mal overhears their quiet exchange. They look over to see Nick’s friends have continued their boisterous conversation, and lean in so that only Nick and Charlie can hear them. “I don’t think we’re going to get any more work done tonight. Why don’t you two head home, CC can meet us back at the room tomorrow morning to finish up.” 

Nick and Charlie exchange a glance. “You sure?” Charlie asks. 

Mal looks over their shoulder to see Vinny knock into a table on his way out. “Positive,” they laugh. “One of my partners lives just around the corner so I’m going to crash at their place, I’ll text Ted to tell him the plan.” 

They all decide to call it a night, Otis and Christian both having wives to get home to, and Sai lamenting that he has his own stack of grading waiting for him upon his return. 

“Want to come back to mine?” Nick asks. Charlie nods, and they walk hand in hand down the street towards the tube. 

“Sorry that Vinny can be a bit… a lot,” Charlie says as they scurry across the zebra crossing. 

“He’s quite a character,” Nick chuckles. 

“He really took me under his wing when I first got into this. He’s been doing sex work for ages, first on the streets and now online with Ted. He taught me how to keep myself safer from doxxing and navigate legal shit, helped me figure out my personal boundaries with client requests… he’s a really good bloke.” 

Nick pulls Charlie in close, walking with his arm around the smaller man’s waist. “I’m really glad you have friends like that,” he says genuinely. “I imagine online work could feel pretty isolating without a community.” 

“Yeah,” Charlie nods. “Was that okay for you, meeting them all like that? Of all the pubs in Britain…” 

Nick laughs. “Bit of a bonkers coincidence, but yeah, it was alright. Here I thought I was going to have a Charlie-less weekend, and I’ve been graced with a load of bonus Charlie time. What’s not to love about that?” 

“And it doesn’t… bother you? Knowing what we were doing earlier?” 

“I mean I thought about it,” Nick admits. “Like I recognize objectively that it’s weird to hang out with my boyfriend and a bunch of guys that he just spent the day shagging, but it’s not… like it doesn’t feel weird, even though I know it’s a bit strange. Does that make sense?” 

“Are you just extremely evolved, Mr. Nelson?” 

Nick laughs. “Definitely not. I still get jealous of all sorts of things, sex just isn’t really on the list.” 

Charlie hums. “What is on the list, then?” 

“The other night I was tossing and turning, and I found myself jealous of Kitty that he was getting to sleep with you and I wasn’t.” 

“You’re jealous of my childhood stuffed animal?” Charlie giggles, and Nick wants to hear more of that sound. 

“He gets unlimited cuddles,” the larger man pouts, stopping their stroll to show Charlie his exaggerated bottom lip. 

“Aww, poor baby. You want more cuddles?” Charlie coos through a smile, moving to pet Nick’s beard. 

Nick nods and laughs, unable to keep holding his long face.

“I’m all yours tonight,” Charlie says, reaching his arms around Nick’s neck and standing on his tiptoes in order to lean in for a kiss. 

“Mmm, just the way I like it,” Nick murmurs against his lips. 

Chapter Text

Nick and Charlie are cuddled up in Charlie’s bed one Saturday morning, the whole weekend before them with no plans except time together. After both completing their morning ablutions, they had crawled back into bed for a hearty snog. 

Lying side by side, Charlie smiles into Nick’s eager mouth. The man has become increasingly comfortable with their kissing, and his hands are wandering up and down Charlie’s back as their tongues swirl around each other. The combination of kissing and morning time means that Charlie’s lower half is throbbing and he’s keeping that part of his body pulled back so as not to draw attention to the area, but suddenly Nick grabs Charlie by the hips and yanks him in close, pressing their bodies tightly together. 

Oh, Charlie finds himself thinking. He’s not the only one who’s pleased with this situation. He opens his eyes a crack and sees that his boyfriend’s are still closed, attention entirely focused on the dance of their lips. Weeks ago Nick had said that he wasn’t ready for any trouser contact, and Charlie had been careful to respect that boundary. But right now there is a significant amount of contact happening, and Charlie wonders whether that means Nick is ready to go further. 

The smaller man offers his hips forward with a tiny roll. The friction feels incredible, and Nick doesn’t pull back so Charlie does it again. His hand moves slowly down the blonde man’s clothed back, stopping just above the waist of his pants. There’s a sliver of skin exposed where his tee is riding up, and Charlie lets his fingers rest on the warm expanse. 

With no verbal or nonverbal cues as to Nick’s comfort level with their increasing closeness, Charlie wonders what to do next. With any other partner, he would flip them onto their back and straddle their thighs. But Nick didn’t like that last time, and Charlie thinks it’s better to check in verbally rather than risk making the other man uncomfortable again. 

“Nick?” he asks, pulling away from the other man’s mouth. Nick takes the opportunity to kiss along Charlie’s jaw, moving to nibble at his ear. “Oh fuck,” Charlie murmurs as the man’s teeth graze the sensitive spot just below his earlobe. His fingers contract and he’s gripping Nick’s hips as a moan escapes from deep in his core. 

Nick growls and nips at the tender flesh of the younger man’s throat, nails digging into Charlie’s back as he holds the smaller man against his body. Charlie’s brain short circuits and his hips thrust against Nick’s warm body, craving the stimulation. 

The larger man pulls back, panting. “Sorry,” he says, rolling onto his back and laying his head against the pillow. “I’m not… I got carried away. Sorry.” 

Charlie takes a steadying breath, closing his eyes in order to will the blood to return to his brain. “It’s okay,” he reassures the blonde. They lay in silence for a moment, waiting for their bodies to calm. 

Charlie’s thoughts are spinning. They’ve been dating for more than two months now, and this is the furthest they’ve gone physically. Nick is flirty and cuddly and amazing, hands down the best boyfriend he’s ever had, but Charlie is confused by the pace. He knows that demisexual people need to develop an emotional connection before sexual attraction will bloom. But Charlie feels they’re pretty connected? They’ve shared about their pasts, navigated tricky conversations around Charlie’s work, met each other’s friends and colleagues. They spend almost every weekend together, as well as at least one or two dates during the week. Charlie’s not sure what the hold up is, unless… 

“Can I ask you something?” he says, turning towards his boyfriend. 

“Course,” Nick replies, eyebrows raised in a question. 

“Are you… is it…” Charlie huffs, annoyed at his inability to articulate this question properly. “Is the reason we haven’t gone further because of my work? Because I’m on PReP and I get tested regularly, both before and after I meet up with anyone for filming. And I can show you my results, I haven’t had an STI in years and I’ve never gotten one from filming, only once from a drunk hookup in uni, and it was one of the very treatable ones, and I just–”

Nick puts his hand on Charlie’s cheek, thumb resting on his lips to silence his spiral. “Charlie, that’s not it at all, I promise.” He sighs, taking his hand off Charlie’s face and rubbing his eyes in frustration. 

“It’s like… sexual attraction for me is like a light switch, yeah? Sometimes it just flicks on, and all of a sudden I'm ready to go. But sometimes it’s one of those dimmer switches, slowly building over time. I’m attracted to you in so many ways, and I can feel it growing all the time. I just… like my body is clearly ready,” he groans, gesturing towards his still semi-tented pants. “My brain just takes a bit longer to catch up.” 

Charlie’s heart pangs as he watches the anxiety and irritation pass across his boyfriend’s face. “Hey,” he coos, gently stroking the larger man’s beard. “Your body responding to… physical stimuli… does not equal attraction. We can take as much time as you need, I’m sorry for making assumptions.” 

Nick looks like he’s nearly on the verge of tears. “I am attracted to you, I swear I am. You’re like, proper fit,” he gives a wet chuckle. 

“That’s aesthetic attraction though, right?” Charlie clarifies. “And kissing and cuddling, that’s romantic, yeah? Which is different from sexual? For some people those things all happen at the same time, but for other people they’re separate types of attraction that grow at different rates. There’s nothing wrong with you for needing time.”

“Charlie Spring, have you been googling demisexuality?” Nick asks, mouth curving into a lopsided smile. 

“I… might've done,” Charlie admits with a mischievous grin. 

“No one has ever done that for me before.” 

Charlie moves in closer, resting his head on Nick’s chest and stroking the man’s upper arm. “I wanted to understand more. And I know it’s different for everyone but… I figured a bit of background research couldn’t hurt.” His fingers dance just under the hemmed sleeve of Nick’s tee, goose pimples blooming across the milky expanse of his tricep. 

“Kissing is so good,” Nick explains. “I love being close to you, and feeling you like that. But then it’s like sex is this other thing, this totally different category for me. And I know that’s probably confusing, because it seems like for most people kissing and sex exist on the same spectrum. I don’t know if that makes any sense, I’m sorry.”

Charlie can see how stressed Nick is about all of this, and wishes desperately he could take all his pain away. “You don’t have to apologise for how your brain works. It’s… different than mine, yeah, and I’d be lying if I said I totally understood, but it doesn’t matter if I understand. If you’re not ready, or not wanting sex yet for whatever reason, then that’s enough. You don’t have to justify yourself to me.”

Nick shakes his head. “Most partners have long since bolted by now,” he sighs. “They think I’m leading them on or something. Or, well… the guys run right away, thinking I’m just a self-hating gay. The women stick around longer, impressed at first that I’m not a fuckboy but then rapidly become disinterested when I’m still not ready by the fourth or fifth date. It’s sort of a nightmare, honestly.” 

“No nonbinary folks?” Charlie jokes, trying to lighten the mood. He hates this for Nick, hates how people have treated him in the past, hates that this incredible man has internalised any kind of message that he's somehow not enough.

Nick lets out a little laugh. “My longest relationship was with a nonbinary person, actually. They were a-spec too. It was great. Never really had to explain myself, they just got it.” 

“What happened?” 

“We wanted different things,” Nick says with a shrug. “No one’s fault, just… one of those things. I… I guess I’m scared that you’re going to leave too.” 

Charlie kisses Nick’s chest, just above his heart. “I’m sorry your dates haven’t recognised what a gift you are,” he murmurs against the soft cotton tee. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

Nick huffs. “Some gift I am. Don’t even know what I want.” 

Charlie hums. “I think you do know what you want, actually. You just need time and space to figure out whether you’ve found it in a particular person.” 

He watches as his boyfriend stares up at the ceiling, mouth opening and closing as he tries to articulate what's happening in his mind. “I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed,” Nick finally says. Charlie is once again struck by this man’s vulnerability in speaking his truth. 

“What do you need right now?” the younger man asks. 

Shuffling in bed to turn and look at Charlie, Nick’s face is earnest. “I hate to think that you think I’m like… grossed out by you or something. Because of your work.” 

“I’m honestly used to it by now,” Charlie admits quietly. Even though his work is technically legal, there’s still so much stigma attached to it. Despite Nick being endlessly nonchalant about Charlie’s work, the curly haired man can’t help but worry and wait for the other shoe to drop. It always does. This all feels too good to be true.

“You shouldn’t have to be,” Nick declares.

"Most people I date from outside the industry are not as relaxed about it as you are," Charlie explains. "Even the ones who think they'll be cool with it always end up being shitty."

"But… why?" Nick asks, his face awash in confusion. This man. Charlie doesn't understand how so much naivety and acceptance can coexist within the same person.

“Because Nick," Charlie starts, “strangers pay to watch me… do stuff. Like… a lot of stuff. Sometimes live. I sext with randos, my O-face is literally plastered all over the internet. Even people who believe that sex work is work in theory tend to have a hard time separating that in practice when it's their partner doing it for strangers."

Nick frowns. "I hate that sex work is so fucking stigmatized. And I hate that people have treated you badly because of it. You've been nothing but honest with me the whole time, and I just… I don't understand a lot of what you do, but I do know that it's work. You're not off shagging other people for fun, you're making a living. We've all got to make a living somehow. I've got friends who are doctors and waiters and teachers and most of us like our jobs sometimes and hate it other times, and none of us live to work but we all work to live and I just–" he lets out an exasperated huff, shaking his head in frustration. "I understand that dating you, doing what you do… it's not your average job. It's probably never going to come up at Christmas dinner with my mum, and I think there are some safety conversations we'll need to have at some point that other couples probably don't have to think about. It's not just like any other job. But also, it should be? It's complicated, but it shouldn't be complicated. I want to do whatever I can to make it not feel complicated for you."

Charlie listens to this speech, trying to believe Nick, trying desperately to absorb the words deep into his soul. It is complicated. But it shouldn't fucking have to be. He lays there in silence, wanting to believe his boyfriend but hearing the ghosts of boyfriends past swirl through his head. I just hate seeing you disrespect yourself like that. Don’t you ever wish you had an actual job? If you really loved me, you’d quit.

"It really doesn't bother you?" Charlie finally asks, craving more reassurance despite Nick's repeated validation. "That your boyfriend is so… I don’t know. Out there? For others? With others?” 

“My boyfriend,” Nick says, planting a kiss on Charlie’s forehead, “brings me tea in bed. He sleeps with an old plushie named Kitty. He holds my hand during scary films, and sends me good luck texts before my rugby games, and kicks my ass at Mario Kart. My boyfriend has wild bedhead, and atrocious morning breath–”

“Oi!” Charlie scowls. 

Nick smiles as he goes on. “– and cries when adverts for the RSPCA come on–”

“The puppies always look so sad!” 

“My boyfriend,” Nick continues, “is funny, and boring, and gorgeous, and grumpy, and thoughtful, and tired, and bold, and shy, and totally imperfect, and absolutely amazing, and flawed, and brilliant, and mine. I don’t care that a bunch of strangers on the internet know what you look like when you come. Because they don’t know what you look like when I surprise you with coffee, or how peaceful you look when you’re sleeping in my arms, or the way you do a happy little wiggle when you eat something I’ve baked, or really anything that makes you… you. They know Cerulean Sea. But that’s not my boyfriend. My boyfriend is Charlie Spring, and… my life is way better because I met you.” 

“Fuck off,” Charlie murmurs affectionately, wiping away the dampness that’s suddenly sprung from his eyes. He’s unable to better articulate the overwhelming amount of… oh god, this is love, isn’t it? Charlie is in love with Nick. This kind, gentle, infuriating, incredible man has somehow knocked down all of Charlie’s carefully constructed defences and filled Charlie with… hope? Comfort? Safety? He sees Charlie, sees all of him, and likes him. Charlie doesn’t have to pretend with Nick, doesn’t have to be confident or sexy or brave or anything at all. He can show up however he is at any given moment, and Nick takes him exactly as he is. Charlie’s never met anyone like him, and Charlie loves him, and he doesn’t know what to do with this information now that he’s realised it. If Nick’s not ready for sex, surely declarations of love are definitely off the table.

“I really like you, Nick.” 

Nick kisses him on the forehead again. “I really like you too, Charlie. In a romantic way, not just a friend way.” 

Charlie cuddles up close, relaxing into the comfort of Nick’s embrace. He feels no rush for this relationship to be anything other than what it is right now.

Chapter Text

Nick is visiting his hometown for the weekend, and is looking forward to catching up with one of his dearest friends. 

“Tara!” he says, standing as he sees her walk into the tiny cafe. He steps to the side of the table in order to greet her properly with a hug. “It’s been too long!”

“You need to come home more often,” she teases, setting her bag down and taking a seat. “It’s only an hour train ride and yet it’s been months since you’ve been back.” 

Nick automatically reaches his hand up to rub the back of his neck. “I’ve er… been a bit busy on weekends,” he smiles shyly. 

Her face lights up with a knowing grin. “What’s their name?” 

“Charlie. He’s… incredible, honestly.” 

She raises her eyebrows, silently inviting him to continue. Tara is Nick’s oldest friend– technically an ex, but they usually choose to overlook those few months in uni before she figured out she was a lesbian and they both realised they were much better off as mates. 

A waiter comes by to take their order, and Tara looks back at Nick as soon as they leave, “So. Charlie,” she smiles.

He takes a deep breath. “We’re still getting to know each other, but it’s been going really well. He’s so funny, and ridiculously smart, and unreasonably competitive, and kind, and thoughtful, and gorgeous… I really like him. I think I might love him? But I can’t love him yet, that would be insane. Right?” 

“Why would that be insane?” 

Nick crinkles his nose. “We haven’t… you know. Yet.” 

Tara laughs. “Oh my god Nick, how old are you? You can say the word sex, I won’t faint.” 

He rolls his eyes. “We haven’t had sex and I know he wants to but I still don’t know if I’m ready and it’s insane to love someone when you’re not even ready to have sex with them.” He says this all very quickly in one big breath. 

Tara looks at him thoughtfully, her eyes so kind. “When did sex become the metrestick by which you measure the depths of your feelings for someone?” 

“Well… if I love him, shouldn’t I want to have sex with him?” Nick asks. 

“I don’t think attraction works by rules of shoulds,” she says simply. 

Nick sighs. Of course she’s right. You can love someone with your whole heart and still not be sexually attracted to them. But lately Nick has been wondering whether he is sexually attracted to Charlie. It’s all so messy though, all tangled up and confusing in his brain. 

“Being demi fucking sucks,” he groans. 

The waiter appears with an Earl Grey for Tara and iced lavender oat milk latte for Nick. The blonde man can feel himself blush a bit, knowing that the server likely overheard him. 

“Tell me more,” Tara says, leaning forward so that her chin rests on her upright clasped hands while her tea cools on the table beside her. 

“Attraction is about desire, right?” Nick starts. “So if you’re sexually attracted to someone, you want to have sex with them. But that doesn’t mean you will have sex with them, yeah? Because there are a bunch of other factors that go into that decision?”

“Right,” Tara nods.

“So lately I’ve been wondering, like… do I actually not want to have sex with him? Or do I finally want to, but I’m still holding back for some other reason?” Nick continues, hoping his explanation makes sense but still feeling muddled in his brain. 

Tara hums thoughtfully. “I think I know what you mean. You know how with Darcy it was like, we're just friends, just friends, just friends, oh god I want to jump their bones?”

“Yeah,” he smiles at the memory of a mildly crazed Tara showing up at his accommodations in the middle of the night talking madly about a person in her music class who kept stealing her pens and who Tara could not get out of her head.

“Just because I suddenly understood my attraction didn’t mean that we hopped straight into bed," she continues. "I was still totally inexperienced, and terrified of being bad at it, and worried that they might realise what a mess I am and do a runner. It took time, even after realising I wanted to, for us to actually, you know… get there.”

“‘Get there’” Nick quotes back at her. “You can say sex, you know. I won’t faint.” 

Tara balls up a napkin and throws it at him. “Do you want my wisdom or not?” 

He mimes zipping his mouth shut. 

“Obviously you’re the only one who can know whether you’re sexually attracted to Charlie. I wonder, though, if it would help for you to separate out some of the thoughts that seem to be blurring together. Like just pretend for a moment that you are attracted to him, you definitely want to have sex. Just hypothetically. Are there other worries that come up that prevent you from acting on that?”

“I worry that I won’t be, you know… good,” he says quietly. 

She nods understandingly. “What else? List them all out.” 

He takes a deep breath. “He’s more experienced than I am. It’s been a really long time since I’ve been with anyone, and I’m afraid I’ll be shit. What if he finally realises what a mess I am, and leaves? There’s also… we’d use condoms obviously, but I don’t know whether I should also go on PrEP. And what if we have sex and it changes things? It’s been going so good, and I don’t want to fuck everything up. But then what if we never have sex, and that’s what fucks everything up?” He rubs his face roughly, frustrated by his stupid brain. 

“Okay,” Tara says. “Want to take those one by one?” 

Nick nods. 

“If you’re shit in bed, then who better to be partnered with than someone who’s experienced, who will be able to teach you?” 

He looks at her, annoyed by her logic. “Yes, fair. Fine.” 

“You’re worried he’ll leave when he realises what a mess you are. But hasn’t it been a couple of months already?” she asks. Nick nods again. “Hear me out here– is it possible that he already knows exactly what kind of mess you are, and he likes it?” 

Nick scoffs. “No one likes messes, Tara.” 

“Everyone is a mess in their own way. We find the people whose messiness complements our own. Just look at me and Darcy,” she laughs. 

He smiles, shaking his head fondly. “Yeah, alright.” 

“In terms of condoms and PrEP, I’ll admit that I’m probably not the right person to ask. But that sounds like a very solvable problem if you just talk about it with him.” 

“I know,” he says, sighing. 

“And in terms of sex changing things… I mean, yeah. It will. But sex or no sex, your relationship will change either way. Relationships do that– they grow and change over time.” 

“I hate you,” he mumbles under his breath. 

“I love you, too,” she smiles softly. 

—

Later that night, Nick is lying in his childhood bed and reflecting on his conversation with Tara. After he explained their increasingly heated snog sessions, she suggested he think of some way of taking another step that didn’t involve trouser contact– since it seemed clear he wasn’t ready for that– but that would maybe grow their intimacy in other ways. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing, he reminds himself. 

He thinks back to the weekend prior, when Nick had growled involuntarily while kissing under Charlie’s ear. He feels physically warm at the memory. For a split second in that moment, he had wanted Charlie. In all the ways. And then he had immediately pulled back, scared of all the things that he had rattled off to Tara earlier in the day. 

Nick has read online about other demi people’s experience with sexual attraction being like a light switch. It’s off until it’s on, and then suddenly it’s really on. He’s experienced that once or twice before, though usually for him it’s something that grows slowly over time. But if he experiences sexual attraction in degrees rather than absolutes, how much is enough to act? And how can he be sure? 

He thinks back to the days in uni when he used to jump into bed with people. Not because he was attracted to them in that way– although all of his partners were undeniably hot in their own ways– but because he wanted to feel… normal. Connected. Queer. The sex wasn’t bad, it just wasn’t great. It wasn’t like the sex he had when he really knew someone, when thoughts of them flooded his mind and overwhelmed his senses and he felt driven, desiring them deeply. But he hadn’t felt that way in so long, he sometimes doubted his own mind. 

He thinks about Charlie’s striking blue eyes, and his loose springy curls that constantly break free from where he tucks them behind his ears. He thinks about Charlie’s smooth cheeks, his full lips, the way the skin around his mouth pinkens from beard burn after they’ve been kissing for some time. 

At the thought of Charlie’s mouth, Nick feels a coil tighten deep in his belly. Blood is rushing south. It may not be a lightswitch but the dial is certainly being turned up…

Nick closes his eyes, trying to decide whether he’s going to deal with this situation or pretend it isn’t happening. He gets out his phone, opting for distraction. When he opens Twitter though, he finds himself absentmindedly typing a certain name into the search bar. 

Cerulean Sea’s picture appears– the one Nick had first seen weeks ago, with the leather harness and icy blue eyes. He immediately closes out of the app. That’s fucking creepy, he tells himself. Cerulean Sea isn’t my boyfriend, he’s not the one I want. 

Nick groans. The one I want. A twitch below the sheets. Yeah, this doesn’t seem to be going anywhere any time soon. 

He pulls out his phone again. 

Nick: Hey. Miss you. 

Charlie: miss you too <3 how’s home?

Nick: Good. Lonely in bed though. 

Charlie: aww, sounds like you need a Kitty to cuddle

Nick: I’d rather have a Charlie.

Charlie: i’m much more difficult to fit in a suitcase though

Nick: I wish I was with you right now.

Charlie: me too. it’s fucking freezing here, i miss my furnace of a boyfriend

He tries to take a deep breath, but it catches in his throat. Nick can feel his face flush as he slowly types out the next message. 

Nick: What would you want to do? If I was there right now?

The typing symbol appears and Nick holds his breath.

Charlie: cuddlepuddle and film sounds like heaven rn, honestly

Nick sighs. Of course Charlie would give a safe answer. Nick’s given him no indication that he would be interested in doing… what he’s trying to do. The thought of being more explicit makes his stomach twist, but not necessarily in a bad way. The thin sheet covering his body is fully tented now. Here goes. 

Nick: I had some ideas about what we could be doing. Can I tell you what I’ve been thinking about?

The typing symbol appears and disappears several times before Charlie finally responds. 

Charlie: please do

Nick: I’ve been thinking about what you look like. The parts of you I haven’t seen yet. 

Charlie: would you like to see me?

Nick: May I?

Charlie: do you want a picture?

Nick is throbbing. He types out his response one handed, while his other arm reaches down to give himself some relief. 

Nick: please

Charlie: [click to download attachment]

He opens the image. It’s not well lit– this clearly isn’t for mass consumption, this is just for Nick. Charlie is lying in bed naked, blankets pushed to the side, one hand holding himself while the other one, presumably, takes the photo on his phone. He looks like he’s all ready to go, and Nick wonders if Charlie had been thinking of Nick the way Nick had been thinking of him. He finds his own hand increasing in speed, encouraged by the thought. It occurs to him that he needs to respond. 

Nick: had you already been busy?

Charlie: caught

Nick: what were you thinking about?

Charlie: is it okay if I was thinking about you?

Nick: yeah

Nick: you’re so gorgeous Charlie

Charlie: i’m all yours. tell me what you want, baby

Nick: you

The coil in Nick’s belly keeps tightening, and he pulls the sheet back and his shirt up as his arm works faster. He opens the attachment again, thinking about all the things he wants to do to the man in the image. All the things he wants Charlie to do to him. The fantasy is enough to send him over the edge and he finishes silently as a bead of sweat drips down his forehead. Reaching blindly over to his side table, he feels around until he finds the box of tissues to tidy up. Taking a moment to catch his breath, he opens up his texts again.

Nick: Thank you. Was that okay?

Charlie: always happy to help ;) 

Nick: I’m not sure if I’m ready for that irl yet. Is it okay if we still take things slow?

Charlie: i don’t want to do anything you don’t want to do. you set the pace. 

Nick: You’re incredible, did you know that?

Charlie: if you think i’m incredible, you should meet my boyfriend

Nick: He’s a very lucky man.

Nick smiles to himself, feeling a wave of peace wash over him. He closes out of the messages and looks at his lock screen, a picture that he and Charlie had taken when it snowed a few weeks ago. Charlie’s face is barely visible, bundled up under his hat and scarf and coat, but he’s absolutely adorable. Perfect, really. Perfectly imperfect, anyways. Just like Nick. His brain is still swimming in dopamine and oxytocin as he drifts off to sleep.

Chapter Text

“Nick you big oaf!” Charlie shrieks as he’s thrown onto the bed. He had barely opened the front door when the rugby player tackled him into a hug and carried him into the bedroom. 

“I was promised cuddles!” Nick replies, climbing on top of Charlie and nuzzling into the younger man’s neck. 

Charlie chuckles, amused at his boyfriend’s unrestrained enthusiasm after having been apart for almost a week. “You sap,” he says with a little giggle, rubbing his hands up and down the soft jumper over Nick’s well-muscled back. Nick wiggles his face further into Charlie’s collarbone and his beard tickles along the exposed skin. “You burrowing in for the winter?” he asks with another laugh. 

“Recharging,” Nick sighs, relaxing into the embrace but holding off from pressing all of his body weight onto the smaller man’s frame. Charlie tugs him down anyways, enjoying the deep pressure from having the man’s solid frame crush him soothingly into the mattress. 

“I missed you too,” the curly-haired man murmurs, soaking in the easy affection. They lay there like that for some time, just being together after their mutual absence. Nick’s visit home the weekend prior and Charlie’s busy evening schedule had meant their usual dates had been postponed, and this was the first chance they had to catch up in-person. 

Charlie wonders if they’re going to discuss the sexting they had done while Nick was away, but he’s soon distracted by the larger man pressing kisses into the crook of his neck. He’s not sure if it’s the time apart, or the vulnerability of having shared more through texts, but the cuddles quickly turn heated and soon they’re panting into each other’s mouths, pupils blown wide as their hips grind against each other. 

Nick pulls back. “Sorry,” he murmurs with a pained expression. 

“You have nothing to apologise for,” Charlie replies softly. “Can I… was that feeling good?” 

The blush spreads across Nick’s cheeks as he nods. “I’m just… a bit up in my head still. Sor–”

Charlie puts a finger to Nick’s lips to silence him. “No s-word.” Nick nods his understanding, smiling softly. “I have an idea,” Charlie says. “And it’s totally okay if you don’t want to, I don’t want you to feel any pressure at all, okay? Can I tell you what I was thinking about?” 

A hitched breath. Another nod. 

“What if we did… what we did before… again. Here. I could go to the loo and you could stay here and we could text each other while we…” Charlie lets the thought trail off as a grin spreads across his face. Nick’s eyes are wide, but it looks more like excitement than fear. 

“Would… are you… do…” Nick is stumbling, struggling to find his words, and Charlie reaches out to take his hand. 

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to,” he reminds his boyfriend. 

“I do. Want to.” Nick takes a deep breath. “Are you sure that’s not like, weird?” 

Charlie can’t help but laugh. He’s definitely done weirder. “If it works then I don’t care if it’s weird. I really enjoyed the other night.” He squeezes Nick’s hand and the larger man nods once more. 

Getting up from bed, Charlie checks to make sure his phone is in his pocket before heading to the toilet. “Stuff is in the top drawer of the nightstand, if you want it,” he adds with a wink, leaving a very flushed boyfriend in his bed. 

—

Charlie: let me know when you’re ready for me to come back

Nick: Yeah I’m good whenever

Charlie giggles at his screen, checking his hair in the mirror before heading back to the bedroom. That had gone even better than he expected; Nick really seems willing and able to open up over texts in a way that he isn’t quite ready to do yet in-person. But if his boyfriend’s fantasies are any indication, Charlie is very enthusiastic for when that day comes. 

He gets to the shut door and knocks on instinct, despite the fact that it is his own bedroom door in his own flat. 

“Er… come in?” Nick calls mirthfully. 

“Sorry,” Charlie says as he walks in, crinkling his nose at his silliness. He crawls into bed and cuddles up against Nick’s broad, warm chest. The hoodie from before has been shed and Nick is looking only slightly dishevelled in his plain white tee. 

“I thought the s-word was banned?” the blonde asks, pressing a kiss onto the top of Charlie’s head. 

“Only when it’s you apologising for expressing your very fair and valid boundaries and preferences,” Charlie retorts. 

Nick scoffs. “I mean, when you put it like that…”

Charlie snuggles in as close as he can, breathing in his boyfriend’s scent. He smells like citrus and mint and something distinctly Nick. The heart rate that had finally settled from their previous activity speeds up again and Charlie closes his eyes to refocus his thoughts. 

“Tell me about your week,” he murmurs into his soft cotton t-shirt.

“The kids are doing projects on ancient civilizations. They have to pick an ancient art, sport, or technology and write a report on it,” Nick recounts. “One student asked if she could do the poems of Sappho.” 

“Love that for her.” 

“Yeah,” Nick chuckles. “When she made her nametag at the beginning of the year she coloured the letters pink, purple, and blue. I said I loved the bi colouring and she got kind of quiet and said it was just cotton candy colours.” 

“What did you say in response?”

Nick huffs out a laugh. “I said that cotton candy colours were my favourite, and that I even keep a little flag with those colours on my desk.” 

Charlie looks up at his boyfriend. He remembers how important it was for him to have a supportive, out teacher when he was in school, and beams that his partner is able to provide that for another generation of students. “She must have loved that.” 

“She’s a great kid,” Nick nods. “I worry about her a bit. I worry about all the rainbow ones, honestly.” 

“Do you get many of them in year five?” 

“More every year. Some out and loud, some out quietly in a way where they think I won’t notice,” Nick smiles, clearly reflecting on his students past and present. “Some I just wonder about in my own brain, but they don’t say anything so neither do I. They all deserve safety though; all kids do. And too many of them don’t have it.” 

It’s Charlie’s turn to nod. “You’re making a difference, you know. Showing up as yourself at work.” 

“Just trying to be what I needed when I was that age, you know?” Nick sighs. 

Charlie lifts his head up to kiss his boyfriend. Soft, tender. “You’re incredible,” he whispers against the bearded face. “You’re kind,” kiss, “and thoughtful,” kiss, “and caring,” kiss.  

“Charlieee,” Nick whines, shifting both of their bodies so that they’re lying down again instead of sitting up against the headboard. “You’re not playing fair.” 

The smaller man nibbles on Nick’s earlobe. “Whatever do you mean?” he asks in a tone of faux innocence.

Nick groans. “I–” he starts, then takes a shuddering breath as Charlie sucks softly just above his pulse point. Not enough to leave a mark, just enough to feel good. “Charlie,” he moans softly. 

“Do you want me to stop?” the smaller man asks. He’s enjoying the tease, knowing it won’t lead any further. Not only because of Nick’s boundaries, but also because refractory periods are very real and he suspects they’re both solidly still in theirs. 

“I–,” Nick starts again, head leaning backwards to grant Charlie more access. Charlie pulls away, wanting to give his boyfriend a chance to actually say what’s on his mind without being teased into oblivion. Nick’s chest is heaving already, and Charlie loves how easy he is to get going. 

“You what, darling?” Charlie asks, smirking and tilting his head as he moves back to look Nick in the eyes. 

“Brain scramble, honestly,” Nick replies with a shake of his head, apparently trying to restore his factory settings and refocus on what he had been trying to say. 

He takes a moment to regain his composure, and Charlie waits patiently. 

“I want to talk about PrEP,” Nick finally answers. 

“Oh!” Charlie had not been expecting that. But he supposes it was only a matter of time. Of course it didn’t matter to Nick earlier, when they were firmly not sexually active together, but now that things seem to be headed in that direction, it makes sense that Nick would have questions about Charlie’s work and the safety measures he takes. “Um, do you have specific questions for me, or…?” Charlie’s been on PrEP for years now, but he’s hardly an expert. Still, if this is something that Nick has been worrying about, then Charlie wants to answer whatever concerns he has. 

“You said you were already on it, yeah?” Nick asks. 

Charlie nods. “Yeah, I went on it in uni. All the guys that I work with are on it too, and we get tested for everything before shooting together. Well not herpes, that’s a bit of a tricky one because you can’t actually test for it preemptively, you can only get swabbed if you have a sore. But we obviously all monitor for that, and get tested for the ones we can,” he feels himself rambling, wanting to reassure his boyfriend that he does everything he can to stay safe, but also be honest about the limitations of those practices. 

“No, yeah, I know,” Nick smiles, gently running his thumb over the worry line that must have appeared on Charlie’s forehead when he jumped into Concerned Mode. “I was actually thinking about PrEP for me.” 

“Oh.” That is… really unexpected. “Have you been on it before?” 

Nick moves his hand away from Charlie’s face and over to the back of his own neck, rubbing nervously at his hairline. “No,” he admits, “but I had a doctor’s appointment earlier this week and we talked about my risk profile if, you know, when we start having sex. And I had already done some Googling about it and I think it’s probably a good idea?” 

“Right,” Charlie nods. Most of his previous partners had already been on PrEP when they met, but no one had ever offered to go on it just for him before. “Um, we can also use condoms and stuff? I don’t always when I’m filming, I know that’s like… you know…” he’s rambling again, not really sure how to land this. He’s not about to try to justify barebacking for work, but he also feels like he owes Nick an explanation. Once they start having sex, the choices Charlie makes will impact Nick too, right? 

“Yeah, I think I’d like to use condoms and maybe dental dams if we’re rimming,” Nick says plainly. Charlie’s never heard him speak so openly about sex before. 

“Yeah, totally,” he replies a bit blankly. 

“I just… I don’t want you to feel like you have to change what you’re doing for work because of me,” the larger man adds. 

Charlie just looks at him. 

“And I don’t want you to feel like, you know, if anything were to happen, that it was your fault. Things just happen sometimes, yeah?” Nick’s eyebrows have knit together and he looks at Charlie earnestly, affection oozing out of his every pore. 

“You’re not going to ask me to start using condoms for filming?” Charlie asks, trying to process this turn of events. 

Nick sighs. “I… I know that it’s complicated. Like, would I prefer it? Probably. But I also trust that you know what you’re doing. You’re taking calculated risks, and doing it as safely as you can, in an industry that you know really well in a way that I don't.” 

“Barebacking videos sell better,” Charlie says simply. 

“I bet they do,” Nick chuckles. “The aftermath can be quite…” he stops himself, a blush creeping across his cheeks. 

“Quite what, Mr. Nelson?” Charlie asks, playfully nudging his flushed boyfriend. 

Nick clears his throat. “I, er. Well. You know, it’s… um. You know.” He buries his face into Charlie’s chest, and Charlie giggles delightedly at this new information. 

He kisses the top of the blonde head. “I thought you didn’t watch porn though?” 

Nick’s response is muffled by the fabric of Charlie’s tee. “Porn isn’t where I’ve seen it.” 

“You’re just full of surprises, aren’t you?” the younger man laughs.

Nick looks up, just barely meeting Charlie’s eyes. “I told you, I’m demi, not dead.”

Charlie hums, absentmindedly petting Nick’s hair. “Have I ever told you that I really like that you’re demi?” 

Nick frowns. “No. Why, though? Isn’t it kind of annoying?” 

“Not at all,” Charlie says quickly. “I mean it’s been a learning curve for me, but it’s not annoying. Your identity could never annoy me.” 

“I still struggle sometimes with like, shame?” Nick admits quietly. “Like I know that being demi is super valid and that there’s nothing wrong with me, but I’ve also had so many people make me feel like shit over the years for taking so long to get into things. It’s hard to shut up the voice in the back of my head…” 

“What does the voice say?”

Nick sighs, turning his head away from Charlie. “That I’m being dramatic. If I want to kiss someone then why not just go all the way? Why do I have these stupid dividers in my brain? Or like, when I do like someone like that, the voice says see? You were never demi after all, you’re just lying to yourself and everyone else. I know logically that it’s not true, but it’s just like… really hard sometimes.” 

Charlie nods kindly, absorbing this information. “I don’t know that there’s anything I can say to change that voice inside your head,” he starts, “but I think that it’s wrong. I think it’s lying to you. I think it’s maybe not yours at all, but a combination of everyone who’s ever misunderstood you, lingering around in your brain. And… as someone who is very familiar with nasty voices in my head, I hope you know that what it’s saying is not true, and it’s not worth your mental energy.”

“It just really sucks.” 

“Yeah,” Charlie agrees. “But you being demi doesn’t suck. Not from my perspective, at least. I like that it’s invited me to slow down the usual pace that I go at in new relationships. To focus on getting to know your very neat brain, rather than just your body. I like how open you are about your desires– the things you want, the things you don’t want, the things you don’t want yet but might later. I like being intimate with you in nonsexual ways, and I like figuring out creative ways of deepening our sexual intimacy that work for you. And even if you never wanted to go any farther, I just… I like you. I like what we have. I love it, actually.” 

Nick looks back at him, warm eyes swimming with tears. “You do?” 

“Yeah,” Charlie asserts. “I love our relationship. I love that you’re demi. And I… I love you.”

“I love you too,” Nick rushes to respond, eyes crinkling with the force of his grin. 

“You don’t have to say it back, I–” Charlie starts to say, but is interrupted by Nick’s mouth crashing into his. 

Nick’s words come out muffled as he tries to speak and snog at the same time, doing neither very effectively but demonstrating his affection with great gusto nevertheless. “I love you, Charlie. So much.” 

And if that’s not the highest high that Charlie has ever felt. He pulls Nick closer, their kissing further hampered by the wide smiles on both their faces. 

Chapter Text

Wandering through the Apple Market, the men are hypothetically buying some produce for the week but in reality are really stopping to look at every art, craft, and trinket available. 

“Ooh, smell this one,” Charlie says, holding up a candle for Nick to inhale. 

Nick dutifully bends to capture the scent with his nose, a fruity mulberry wine that smells like Christmas and home. 

“We used to have a little mulberry tree in the estate where I grew up,” Nick shares, smiling at the memory. “It was probably only as tall as an adult, tucked into a little garden they planted to try to make the neighbourhood look less depressing, but of course as a kid I thought it was huge.” 

“Did it grow berries?” Charlie asks, putting down the candle and picking up another one to sniff. 

“Yeah,” Nick chuckles. “My mum told me not to pick them, but I did anyways. It was like this little umbrella-shaped tree with long branches that hung down, and I’d stand inside it and pick all the berries I could reach. It felt like my own little world in there, like a special secret that only I knew about.” 

Charlie smiles, placing the candle down and reaching for Nick’s hand. “Did your mum ever find out?”

“She never said anything, and I thought I was sly, but I can’t imagine she missed the purple stained fingers I’d come home with each night in the summer.” 

Charlie laughs. “I’d like to meet your mum some time,” he says with a soft smile. 

Nick squeezes his hand. “I’d really like that too. I was thinking of going home again next weekend, maybe you can–” 

They’re interrupted by a shy-looking man, about their age, who walks up to them and immediately blushes, fumbling over his words. “Hi, um. Sorry,” he laughs anxiously. “I didn’t mean to interrupt, I just…” 

Nick’s not sure what this guy’s deal is, but Charlie seems unsurprised. 

“Hey,” Charlie says warmly, smiling at the man. 

The man breathes a sigh of relief, apparently feeling more at ease with Charlie’s greeting. 

“Are you… sorry I know this is totally random,” the man continues. “You look just like someone I follow online.” 

Nick huffs out a laugh but manages to turn it into a cough, not wanting to be rude. It doesn’t matter though; the man is paying him no mind. He only has eyes for Charlie. Or rather, for Cerulean. 

“Do I?” Charlie asks, his demeanour subtly shifting. He’s still holding onto Nick’s hand, but he squares his shoulders and stands up a bit taller, taking up more space. 

“Cerulean Sea?” 

Charlie giggles and squeezes Nick’s hand. Nick isn’t sure if he’s seeking reassurance or checking in, but he squeezes back all the same. 

“Yeah, hi,” Charlie says, giving an adorable little wave. Nick is overcome with how cute his boyfriend is. 

“Oh wow, hi,” the man says. “I’m such a fan. Oh my god, is that weird to say? That’s so awkward, sorry…” 

“You’re alright,” Charlie smiles, shaking his head fondly. “It’s nice to meet you.” 

“Would it be okay to get a picture?” the man asks. This guy is so bold, Nick thinks to himself. 

“Sure,” Charlie responds kindly, “do you want my boyfriend to take it?” 

The man notices Nick standing there for the first time, his eyes travelling down to see his and Charlie’s joined hands. 

“Um, yeah. Thanks, mate,” he says quietly, handing his phone over to Nick. Nick gives a friendly smile, stepping back and taking a few shots of the two of them. Charlie poses for the camera, but it’s a practised, smouldering type of closed grin that Nick’s not used to seeing. Nick lowers the phone and Charlie pulls away from the stranger, immediately moving back to Nick’s side. 

“Thank you so much, it was amazing to meet you!” the man says to Charlie as he takes his phone back from Nick. 

“You too!” Charlie says with another little wave, taking Nick’s hand and leading him in the opposite direction. They find an alcove and Charlie slumps against a wall. 

“Sorry,” the smaller man mumbles, eyes closed and head pressed back against the brickwork. Nick leans against the wall beside him and Charlie’s head falls onto his shoulder. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Nick says quietly. He’s not exactly sure what’s going on for Charlie right now, but he trusts his partner to tell him when he’s able. The stranger had been a bit bold but very polite, and didn’t take up too much of their time. Nick thought the whole interaction was a bit funny, honestly. 

“Was that… does that happen often?” Nick asks softly. 

Charlie sighs, wrapping an arm around Nick’s waist. Nick pulls off the wall and folds the smaller man into a tight embrace, kissing the top of his head. He holds them there, waiting until Charlie is ready to pull away. 

“It doesn’t happen super often,” Charlie finally says. “And they’re always super nice, like that guy was. I don’t know why I find it so draining.” He rests his forehead against Nick’s chest, and Nick rubs a hand up and down Charlie’s back. 

“Do you want to head home?” Nick asks, wanting nothing more than to wrap Charlie up in a blanket and bring him tea and cuddle him until he drifts off to sleep. 

“We didn’t buy any of the veg we had planned to get,” Charlie pouts. “Didn’t you say that all you had at home was potatoes and pasta? What are you going to make with that?” 

Nick laughs. “Oh I’m sure I could figure something out. But also, I can always do my shopping later.” 

“Film?” Charlie asks, looking up at Nick with those big blue eyes. How could Nick ever say no to anything this man asks for?

“Film,” Nick agrees, taking Charlie’s hand and leading them out the door. 

—

Settled in at Charlie’s, Nick balances a computer on his lap while Charlie is curled against him in bed, not even pretending to watch the film. The smaller man’s eyes flutter closed and Nick smiles, happy to be a pillow and a table and whatever else Charlie needs to rest easy. 

After a short nap, Charlie stirs. His stomach grumbles loudly. “Tea?” Nick asks. 

Charlie sighs, clearly still sleepy. “Tea,” he agrees. 

They move into the kitchen and Nick opens Charlie’s cupboards. They’re practically bare. “I’m not the only one who needs to do a shop,” he remarks as the younger man opens the fridge. 

“I’ve got the only ingredients I need,” Charlie smiles, pulling out a jar of peanut butter and a bag of chocolate chips from the freezer shelf. “Grab the granola.”

Nick looks at the ingredients. “Are we… baking?” 

Charlie laughs. “Remember how I told you I can’t cook, but I get by?” 

Nick nods. 

“Let me introduce you to my favourite food,” Charlie says. He grabs two bowls and pours Tesco Finest Super Nutty Granola into each one. Then he gets a spoon, stirring the peanut butter to mix the oil back in, before putting a heaping dollop of it onto each serving. Finally, he sprinkles the frozen chocolate chips on top. “You gotta really mix it in,” he explains, using the back of the spoon to combine the cereal, peanut butter, and chocolate chips. After a minute, it takes on a thick, cookie-dough-like texture. “Try it,” Charlie offers. 

Nick looks down at the mixture in his bowl. It smells like peanut butter, which he enjoys, but it looks a bit like sick. Chunky sick. He looks back up at Charlie, who’s already busy mixing the second bowl. Nick closes his eyes as he takes the first bite, knowing that it has to taste better than it looks. 

“Oh, fuck,” he murmurs as he swallows the first mouthful. 

“It’s good, right?” Charlie grins. 

Nick takes another bite. The mixture is thick and he has to focus on chewing, but it tastes better than he initially imagined it would. “This is ridiculous,” he finally says. 

“The frozen chocolate chips are what makes it. I’ve tried it with them at room temperature and it’s not the same,” Charlie says before taking his own bite. 

“This has no right to taste this good?” Nick says incredulously. 

“I invented it in uni,” Charlie boasts with a laugh. 

“On a scale of 1-so much, how high were you?” Nick wonders. 

Charlie giggles. “So much. But! It really holds up. Unlike the cheesy pasta tacos that I also tried to invent.” 

“Shocked that one didn’t work,” Nick huffs out a laugh. 

“It was just too many steps to remember when all I wanted to do was sit down. This one is nice and simple.” The two of them move over to the couch, munching happily on the concoction. 

“Do you have a name for it?” Nick asks as puts his bowl to the side, empty. 

“A Special,” Charlie replies. 

“A special what?” 

“Just A Special.”

“You’re special,” Nick says, crinkling up his nose and leaning in to kiss his boyfriend. 

“ You’re a dork,” Charlie murmurs, kissing back softly. 

Charlie’s phone buzzes, and then buzzes again. Nick can feel it pressed against his leg from where it rests in Charlie’s pocket. “Round?” 

The smaller man takes out his phone and checks. “No,” he says with a small smile on his face. 

Nick waits patiently as Charlie types a response. The grin never leaves his boyfriend’s face. 

“Pocket boyfriend?” Nick asks. One of the services Charlie offers for certain clients is daily communication, sexting, and private pictures for a ‘pocket boyfriend’ experience. He usually only does it at set times though, not totally randomly throughout the day. 

“Hmm? No,” Charlie says, finally putting his phone down. “Just a friend.” 

“Did they send something funny?”

The phone buzzes again and Charlie picks it up, grinning and shaking his head at the screen. Nick waits again, not wanting to interrupt. He feels a twinge in his chest that he doesn’t like. 

“Work stuff?” he prompts again, after Charlie’s prolonged silence. 

Charlie looks up from the phone, an amused smile still on his face. “Tao’s got a short film showing at an indie film festival next weekend. He’s just making sure I have all the details. Like, all the details,” Charlie giggles. 

Nick nods. He still hasn’t met Tao, although he’s heard a lot about him. He knows the man is one of Charlie’s best and oldest friends. Nick has suggested that they go on double dates before, but Charlie always finds a way to change the subject. Nick’s not sure what the hold-up is or why Charlie wouldn’t want the two to meet. 

“Are there tickets?” Nick inquires. “Sounds like a fun date night, we could go together?” 

Charlie shakes his head. “God no. I mean, yes there are tickets, but no you don’t have to come.” He looks back down at his phone, typing again. 

“I want to support you and your friends,” Nick states simply. 

Charlie looks up. “Didn’t you say you were visiting your mum next weekend?” 

Right, he had started to offer that Charlie come with him before they were interrupted by the fan in the market. “Nothing’s set in stone, I could go the weekend after.” 

“Honestly, it’ll be boring,” Charlie insists. 

“Time spent with you is never boring.” 

Charlie laughs. “You’re such a sap. Seriously, you don’t want to come.” 

Nick frowns. His stomach clenches. He knows Charlie doesn’t mean anything by it, but he does not like being told what he wants and doesn’t want. 

“It sounds like you don’t want me to come,” he says, tone sharper than he intends. 

Charlie looks taken aback. His eyebrows draw together, confused. “It’s just going to be a night of Tao being his most pretentious self, in a room of other pretentious people, all being very proud of the incredibly niche and hard-to-understand art films that they’ve worked very hard to produce.” 

“Why don’t you want me to come?” Nick challenges. He can hear himself raise his voice. It’s not shouting, but it’s louder than it should be for a friendly conversation. 

Charlie makes a face. Confusion morphs into… frustration? Anger? “I just told you. It’ll be fucking boring. Why are you getting so worked up over this?” 

Nick stands up. He has too much energy for his body. Feelings are swelling up in his chest and overwhelming him. It’s too much, all too much. He starts pacing, unsure whether to stay or go, not wanting to speak for fear of his own voice. 

“Nick, what the fuck?” 

The larger man just shakes his head. He stops in the middle of the room, closing his eyes, taking a deep breath. In-two-three-four. Hold-two-three-four. Out-two-three-four. Hold-two-three–

“Nick?” Charlie’s hand touches his bicep and he jumps, startled by the unexpected contact. “Nick, talk to me.” His voice is incredibly soft and tears well up behind Nick’s eyes. 

“Sorry,” the larger man mumbles. “I just… sorry.” He doesn’t know what else to say. Why is he getting so emotional over this? 

Charlie stands in front of Nick and takes hold of both his hands. He moves one of Nick’s hands to rest over his own beating heart, and places the other one on his much smaller chest. 

“Breathe with me?” 

Nick nods. They stand there together, eyes closed, hands over hearts, feeling the air move in and out of their lungs. Nick exhales tension, and inhales safety. His muscles relax. The feelings that threatened to overwhelm him shrink, no longer pounding on the inside of his chest and brain. He opens his eyes. 

“I’m feeling insecure,” he whispers. 

Charlie nods. “Tell me more?” 

Nick maintains his steady breathing, rocking himself gently back and forth. Charlie follows the motion, waiting patiently for Nick to collect himself. 

“I… worry. That you don’t want me to meet your friends. That you’re, I don’t know… ashamed of me? Or something. And I… really don’t like being told how I feel. So when you said I didn’t want to go, even though I was saying I did want to go, that felt…” he trails off, not knowing how to finish the sentence. 

“Invalidating?” Charlie provides. 

“Yeah,” Nick agrees. “I felt frustrated and jealous and… I don’t know. Sorry.” 

Charlie squeezes Nick’s hand, nonverbally inviting him back over to the couch. They sit down and Charlie cuddles into Nick’s side, gently stroking a hand up and down his arm. 

“You don’t have to apologise for your feelings, Nick. Ever. I’m sorry for saying you didn’t want to come, that was badly worded,” Charlie says softly. 

“I really want to meet your friends,” Nick sighs. 

“I’m not ashamed of you,” Charlie says, looking up to meet Nick’s eyes. “At all. So far from it, actually,” he laughs. “Tao is just… really intense. And I’m sort of used to keeping different parts of my life separate, you know?” 

Nick tilts his head, frowning in confusion. He feels a twinge of hurt, that Charlie views him as just one more part of his life to compartmentalise. He waits to hear more of what Charlie has to say, hoping his boyfriend’s explanation will ease the sting.

“I have work friends and friend-friends and they never meet. And then my boyfriends are either work friends or… well, I haven’t had a non-porn boyfriend last this long, honestly. So it’s sort of just never been an issue before,” Charlie explains. 

A deep sigh. “I never really thought about how… boxed up your life is, and how that would impact me,” Nick admits. 

Charlie squirms. “Is it… too much?” 

Nick looks down at the beautiful man cuddled up against him. He kisses Charlie’s forehead. “Work stuff is work stuff. Keep it separate from me, share it with me, I don’t mind either way,” Nick explains. “But friend stuff? I want to be involved with your friends. I want to know them. I don’t need to like… barge my way into the group chat or anything, but I’d like to meet them. I’d like to be on good terms with them, you know? They’re important to you.” 

“Okay but like… I’m not exaggerating when I say the filmfest is going to be so fucking boring,” Charlie chuckles. “Like, I would feel like a bad boyfriend for subjecting you to it.” 

“Yes alright, fine,” Nick laughs. “A pretentious indie filmfest sounds like a nightmare, you’re right. But maybe drinks? Quiz night at the pub? Something.”

Charlie looks up at Nick and smiles. “First Tuesday of the month we go to The Strangled Goose for the pub quiz. Wanna come?” 

“God yes,” Nick smiles, a small grin breaking into a full on beam.

Chapter Text

Charlie finishes his final personalised recording of the day, flicking off his camera and sighing deeply as he sinks back into his sofa. It’s been a long day of filming, and he knows he’ll have another long day of editing tomorrow in order to get the videos out to his clients on time. 

Looking over at the clock, he realises he needs to have the world’s fastest shower in order to make it to the pub on time to meet Nick and his friends. He leaves his stuff out on the coffee table; tidying up is a problem for Future Charlie. 

Stepping into the steady stream of water, he tries to organise his thoughts. Elle and Aled were so excited when Charlie asked about bringing Nick out to quiz night, and Tao was… Tao. His most vigilant friend by far, Tao is always suspicious of the guys Charlie dates. Especially so if they weren’t fellow sex workers. Tao wasn’t in the industry himself, but he was protective of Charlie’s privacy and worried about Charlie getting doxxed or worse. Charlie sighs as he rinses out his conditioner. This is good, blending these two areas of his life. Friends and boyfriend. His favourite people, all in the same room. It’s good. Right?

Charlie towels off and rakes some gel through his curls before scrunching them with an old Lion King tee. It’ll have to do. 

Walking into The Strangled Goose, Charlie is only moderately horrified to see Nick has arrived before him, and is already sitting at a table with his friends. He makes his way through the crowded pub, sliding into the free spot next to his boyfriend. 

“Hi!” Nick greets warmly. 

“Hi,” Charlie sighs with a smile. “Sorry I’m late.” 

“Charlie!” Elle squeals, reaching across the table to grab his hands. “We were just talking about our quiz category strengths. Now that we’ve got someone who knows sports, we might actually stand a chance!” 

“I was just going to get a round,” Tao says, standing up suddenly. “Can you help, Charlie?” 

“Oh, um,” Charlie stammers, confused. “Yeah. Alright.” He gets up and follows Tao to the bar. 

“A rugby lad?” Tao asks incredulously once he’s placed their order with the barstaff. 

Charlie laughs. “He plays in a social league on weekends, it’s hardly a defining personality trait.” 

“But he’s a lad. A dude bro. He called me mate.”

“Would you rather him call you ‘babe’?” Charlie asks with a smile. If Nick’s choice of hobbies is the worst thing Tao has to criticise, Nick must have really impressed him.

“You really like this guy?” 

“I love him,” Charlie shrugs. 

“He treats you well?” 

“The best.” 

“Is he weird about your work?” 

“No, Tao. He’s been a perfect gentleman.” 

Tao sighs, scowling. “Fine. I will… try… to give him a chance.” 

Charlie hugs his best friend. “That’s all I ask.” 

“But if he is even slightly mean to you–”

“You’ll murder him, I know.” Charlie laughs. He’s heard this speech before. 

“I was going to say I’d send him a strongly worded DM. Elle has suggested that I am perhaps too quick to threaten violence, so I am… working on that.” The edge of Tao’s lip quirks ever so slightly upwards. He might as well be beaming. 

Charlie makes a faux gasp and gives a limp-wristed wave. “She’s in her growth era, gays and theys!” 

“Violence will be reserved for defending only my closest friends,” Tao replies dryly. “Just the people really worth going to jail for.” 

“Aww,” Charlie says, pretending to gush. “I love you too. Mate.” He winks. Tao raises an eyebrow. The barman puts five pints on the counter, and Tao taps his card to pay. 

Back at the table they settle in and wait for the quiz to start. Aled pulls out some noise cancelling headphones, and Elle catches them up on the community projects she’s been leading at the drop-in centre where she works. Nick is engaged and charming, asking good questions and listening attentively to the answers. Charlie is so chuffed that things are going smoothly. 

“Alright folks, let’s get things started!” an MC calls from the front of the pub. 

Tao gets up to register their team and grab the paper they’ll use to record their answers. 

“Do we have a team name?” Nick asks.

“A Group of Borderline Outcasts,” Aled responds with a small smile. 

“Don’t ask,” Charlie giggles when Nick raises his eyebrows in surprise. 

“Just happy to be here,” Nick grins, taking Charlie’s hand and giving it a kiss. 

“You two are so adorable,” Elle grins. “I’m so glad we’re finally doing this! I’ve been trying to get Charlie to bring you out to one of these nights for ages.” 

Charlie squeezes Nick’s hand as the other man nods politely, his smile looking slightly forced at the remark. “I’m really glad we were able to make it work,” Nick replies. Charlie feels a bit of a pang, guilty for having kept these important people separate for so long. They’re all getting along so well, it’s hard to remember what he had even been worried about. 

“You know me,” Charlie tries to joke, “King of Compartmentalization.” 

Elle’s smile softens and she tilts her head, looking at him so kindly. She looks like she’s about to say something, but the MC interrupts with the first question. 

“Who is the youngest English pop rock band to sign with Fort Records?”

“The Ark,” Charlie answers easily. 

Aled smirks. 

“What?!” Charlie responds to his friend’s barely veiled mirth. 

“Quick answer,” Aled responds. 

“I like music,” Charlie retorts, feeling the slightest blush creeping across his cheeks. 

“Just the music?” Nick teases. Nothing gets past that man, apparently. 

“I play the drums, Lister is good at the drums. I’m allowed to know things!” Charlie covers his face, only a little embarrassed for being called out on his boy band crush. 

“Jimmy is the hottest,” Nick says simply.

“Preach,” Elle nods. 

“No way, it’s totally Rowan,” Charlie grins, peeking out from behind his sweater paws. 

“I don’t see the appeal, honestly.” Everyone stares at Tao, deeply unimpressed. “What!” Tao says, “it’s not my fault that I’m straight!” 

The MC brings their focus back with the next question, still in the pop culture category. “What American mascot has the catchphrase ‘oh yeah’?” 

Almost everyone at the table looks at each other blankly. What the fuck kind of question is that? 

“Kool Aid Man,” Aled says simply. Then they add a sly “don’t ask,” when everyone continues to stare at them. 

When a rugby question comes up, everyone turns to look at Nick. “Locks,” he replies, as the answer for the position that typically scores the least number of points. He easily answers the next question about NASCAR, but then misses the one about American football.

“Some sports are more interesting than others!” Nick tries to defend when Tao scoffs at his lack of universal sports knowledge. 

“Yeah Tao,” Elle adds, “like how you never get any of the popular film questions, despite claiming to be a film expert.” 

“Obviously I only watch good films, not whatever America-centric copaganda swill is being pumped out by capitalist production companies that care more about making money than making art,” Tao sneers. 

“I may have neglected to mention your love of Marvel movies to Tao,” Charlie whispers in Nick’s ear. 

“A secret I am willing to take to the grave, after that spiel,” Nick murmurs in response. 

Several rounds and categories later, the table is feeling alright about their chances. The final question is a science one though, a gap in their collective knowledge. 

“What is the scientific name for what is commonly called a moss piglet?” the MC asks. 

They all look at each other. 

“Is that like, a breed of pig?” 

“A type of plant?” 

“A hedgehog?” 

“A tardigrade,” Aled answers. 

“What the fuck is a tardigrade?” Tao asks. 

“You know, like a water bear?” Aled replies. 

Charlie stares at both his friends. He certainly doesn’t know what a water piglet moss thing is. 

Aled just smirks. “You guys never get high and watch Octonauts? Top tier, honestly.” 

Their team ends up coming in fifth, which is one of the higher rankings they’ve ever got. Charlie doubts Tao will ever admit it, but the points they got from the Sports category really make a difference. 

As they’re saying their goodbyes, Elle pulls Charlie in close for a hug. “I like him,” she whispers in his ear. 

“Me too,” he whispers back with a grin. 

“Um excuse me, where’s my hug?” Tao asks once Charlie and Elle have broken apart. 

“So demanding,” Charlie says with a fond roll of his eyes, leaning in to hug his best friend. 

“Rude!” Tao replies. 

“Sorry, so rude,” Charlie sasses back. 

He and Aled exchange nods, and Nick gives everyone a wave before they head out into the chilly night air. 

“You headed home?” Charlie asks, wondering which direction Nick will need to go. 

Nick wraps his arms around Charlie’s small frame, and Charlie leans into his boyfriend’s warm body. 

“I was kinda hoping we could go home together,” Nick murmurs into his ear. 

“Isn’t it a school night?” Charlie replies with a laugh. 

“Don’t care,” Nick says, pressing his lips against Charlie’s temple and starting to work his way down to his neck with kisses. 

“My place is a bit of a mess,” Charlie manages to say while tipping his head to the side in order to give his boyfriend more access. 

“Also don’t care,” Nick breathes against his pulse point. 

“Mhm, yeah,” Charlie mumbles, “home, yes.” 

They can barely keep their hands to themselves on the short walk home, stopping every block or so to snog. Charlie doesn’t know what’s gotten into Nick tonight, but he is very into it. 

Stumbling through his front door with their lips locked, they nearly topple over several pairs of rejected Converse that Charlie had left in the foyer from when he was getting ready earlier tonight. 

“I just… need…” Charlie pants into Nick’s mouth. “Loo,” he finally says, breaking apart from their embrace to head to the toilet. He didn’t have much to drink but what he had consumed had certainly worked its way into his now very full bladder. When he comes back, he sees Nick sitting on the sofa and looking over the cards that Charlie had left on the coffee table from his work. 

“Do you read tarot?” Nick asks as Charlie walks over and sits down next to him. 

“Yeah. Do you?” 

Nick shakes his head. “My mum does, but I could never manage to memorise all the symbolism and figure out the meanings of different card combinations.” 

Charlie laughs. “Yeah, it takes some practice.” He picks up the cards and starts shuffling the deck. “Honestly I only started because someone requested a naked tarot reading. I faked it, pulling the cards and Googling what they meant before recording. But that guy became a regular, and then a couple of his friends started making requests, and soon it became a whole thing.” 

“You do this for work?” Nick asks, eyes wide in disbelief. 

“Yup,” Charlie nods, handing Nick the shuffled deck. “Shuffle, split it, and then pick three cards.” 

“Like, a happy ending tarot reading?” his boyfriend asks as he does what he’s told. 

“Not usually. Just a normal tarot reading, except I’m starkers.” Charlie giggles again. It’s not the weirdest part of his job, but it’s certainly a niche offering and one of his more popular services amongst a certain crowd of clientele. 

“Do you like, believe it?” Nick asks. “I know my mum says that it’s mostly just a bit of fun.” 

Charlie hums, thinking about his answer. “Well at first I thought it was all kind of ridiculous, it was literally just a work thing. I don’t know if I believe it, but I find it soothing. Meditative. I pull cards most mornings now, just for myself. It’s a nice ritual, you know? And readings are so open to interpretation and context, it’s sort of a way of reflecting on what’s going on in my life and putting it into a different perspective.” 

“That makes sense,” Nick admits. “Like if you get a Death card, it’s not literally predicting anyone’s death, but it’s a way of thinking about what might be ending or changing in your life?” 

“Exactly,” Charlie smiles. 

Nick lays the three cards out face up, one after the other. 

“Ace of Cups,” Charlie says, pointing to the first one. “Being open to both giving and receiving the gifts of the universe. You’re a vessel overflowing; compassionate and attuned. For a past, present, future reading, I’d say this shows the start of a new relationship or passion project, some spark that you’ve worked to stoke into a flame.” 

Nick reaches over to squeeze Charlie’s knee, leaning in to kiss his neck and nibble his ear. “Can’t imagine what that could have been,” he coos softly. 

Charlie gulps, eyelids feeling heavy as his body tingles all over at his boyfriend’s touch. Nick’s lips on his neck are positively electric, sending waves of pleasure through his entire system. 

“Um,” Charlie starts, licking his lips as he puts down the first card and picks up the second. “The… The Lovers card is…” 

Nick continues working Charlie’s neck, sucking gently enough to feel incredible without leaving a mark. “Tell me more about The Lovers,” he murmurs in Charlie’s ear. 

“It’s… um…” his breathing becomes laboured. Heat is coursing through his veins, blood rushing south as his boyfriend’s lips caress the tender flesh below his jaw. “It’s not just… physical. This card is about… um… a soul connection… oh fuck,” he moans as Nick adds teeth to his ministrations. 

“And it’s in my present?” Nick asks, briefly pulling away from Charlie’s neck in order to stare into his lust-blown eyes. 

“Yeah,” Charlie breathes. “It’s about being in alignment with your values, communicating your needs, and not sacrificing your principles. Ch-choosing love, even when it’s… challenging.” 

Nick slowly nods, reaching over to clasp Charlie’s hands. “I’d choose you in any universe, Charlie. You’re worth every challenge.” 

Charlie whimpers softly. His heart flutters. This man. This fucking man. 

“I feel like there’s a pun somewhere in here about making love,” Nick continues, “but, um… I’d really like to fuck?”

“God yes,” Charlie murmurs, grabbing Nick’s face to pull him back in for a short, searing kiss before standing up and offering out his hand to lead his boyfriend to bed. 

The next morning Charlie serenely drinks his coffee on the couch after Nick has left for work. He looks at the cards that had been left on the table from the night before: Ace of Cups, The Lovers. He picks up the final card, thumb gently stroking down the side as he smiles at the image of two very happy people surrounded by flowers strung between sturdy pillars. Four of Wands: celebration, joy, homecoming. The cards really could not be any clearer.

Chapter Text

Nick starts drawing the bath just as the front door opens. Perfect timing. He drops in a strawberry bath bomb and lets the moving water froth up as he heads out to meet Charlie by the door. 

“Hello, my love,” Nick greets warmly, stretching out his arms. Charlie collapses into him, his body sagging into Nick’s broad chest as the larger man wraps him in a tight embrace. “How was work?” 

“Mmf,” Charlie murmurs from where his face is buried in Nick’s chest. 

“I’ve got a bath running for you, darling,” Nick whispers. 

Charlie releases a long exhale. “Work was good. Tired and sore though.” 

Nick nods. He figured as much. These weekend trips take a lot out of Charlie’s social battery, in addition to being physically demanding, and usually when the smaller man comes home he needs to decompress. 

“Bathtime,” Nick orders, gently steering Charlie in the direction of the loo. 

“I should wash my stuff properly, I just rinsed it at the hotel,” Charlie tries to argue. 

“I’ll wash your stuff, you wash you.” 

Charlie smiles at him, eyes soft and tired. He starts removing his clothing, which Nick gathers in his arms to take to the laundry bin in their bedroom. 

“Do you want company, or alone time?” Nick asks. It’s always a coin toss. 

“Alone time for now, I think,” his boyfriend says quietly. Nick leans in to kiss his forehead, and closes the door behind him as he leaves Charlie to recharge by himself. 

He deposits the laundry in the basket, and then grabs the bag that Charlie had left in the front hall and takes its contents to the kitchen. Filling the sink with hot, soapy water, he places the toys in one by one and grabs the notched sponge to start cleaning them. Music plays in the background, and he hums along to the familiar song as he does this normal-to-him washing up. 

Nick and Charlie have been living together for over a year now, having moved into this two bedroom flat soon after their first anniversary. One of the rooms is their bedroom, and the other is Charlie’s office. Charlie had acquiesced to letting Nick decorate it a bit more than the spartan and functional furniture he had at his old place, and Nick had delighted in adding fairy lights and framed art to the space. A few weeks after the change, Charlie admitted that he was receiving positive feedback from subscribers about the new decor, and Nick bubbled with pride. 

As the toys lay drying on the rack, Nick rinses the sponge and pops it into the microwave to sanitise it. He grabs the anti-bacterial wipes from under the sink, giving every surface a thorough cleaning. 

He pulls out the granola and peanut butter, mashing the two ingredients together in just the right proportions for Charlie’s preferences. Nick knows his boyfriend will be hungry soon, if he’s not already, and wants to be prepared. He holds off on adding the chocolate chips though, wanting them to still be frozen by the time Charlie is eating it. 

Finally Nick returns to the sofa, opening his phone to check the delivery status of a very special package. He had ordered Charlie a new tarot deck– a colourful queer version that Nick knew he would love– and it was supposed to be arriving any time. The tracker had said it was Out For Delivery all day today, and Nick had been practically vibrating with excitement. 

When he hears a knock on the door, he practically runs to answer it. He takes the package to their bedroom to open it, flipping through the gorgeous technicolour cards. 

“Nick?” He hears a call from the bathroom. Nick carefully deposits the deck into a shoebox labelled “Rugby Trophies” at the back of their closet. There are no trophies in the box, though. Just this new deck of tarot cards, and another, much smaller box inside it. 

“Coming!” Nick quickly puts the rubbish from the package into the bin and sprinkles some frozen chocolate chips on top of the Special, grabbing a spoon and taking the bowl into the loo. 

Charlie is lounging in the large tub, artfully covered in bubbles and smiling softly when Nick comes in. Nick wordlessly hands him the food, returning his grin as he seats himself on the closed toilet seat. 

“Ready for company?” Nick asks, looking lovingly at his partner. 

“Mhm,” Charlie nods, swallowing a mouthful of food. “Missed you.” 

“I missed you too.” 

Charlie continues eating, and Nick doesn’t feel the need to fill the room with noise. They just sit together, comfortably sharing the space. 

Once Charlie has finished, Nick takes the bowl and sets it on the counter. 

“Vinny and Ted couldn’t make it this weekend,” he shares, closing his eyes as he sinks deeper into the tub so that just his head and neck are above water. “Vin had a bit of a tumble, he’s in hospital.” 

“Fuck,” Nick says, leaning over to rest his elbows on his thighs. “Is he alright?” 

“He will be, yeah,” Charlie replies, shifting his weight around in the sparkly pink water. “Ted was pretty shaken up when he called, though. The first nurse he talked to wouldn’t tell him anything, it took ages for him to find out that Vin would be okay.” 

Nick frowns. “Why the fuck not?” 

Charlie sighs. “They’re not married. Don’t believe in the institution of it, never bothered to do the paperwork.” 

“But commonlaw is as good as.” 

“For most purposes, I think. Maybe this nurse was just being a bit of a twat.” 

“Right massive cow,” Nick huffs. 

“Yeah…” Charlie stares off, letting the word hang in the air. Things feel unsaid and Nick wonders what’s going through Charlie’s mind. His own brain wanders to the small box in the closet, and the plans he’s been making to ask Charlie to be his husband. It occurs to him that they’ve never actually talked about marriage though– just about spending their lives together and the shared dreams they hope to fulfil as a couple. Nick starts to doubt himself, but quickly shuts down that spiral. It’s not like he’s planning on popping the question today. They’ve got plenty of time. 

“Do you ever think about, like…” Charlie starts to say, and Nick gives him his full attention. Charlie holds back though, shaking his head. “Nevermind, it’s stupid.” 

“‘Snot stupid if you want to talk about it,” Nick reassures, but Charlie just shakes his head again. 

“I think I’m just a bit tired, I need a kip.” 

Nick stands up and holds out his hand to help Charlie balance as he lifts himself out of the tub. After wrapping him in the fluffiest towel, Nick presses a soft kiss onto Charlie’s forehead and shoos him off to bed. He drains the tub and goes back to the kitchen to tidy away the now-dry toys from the rack, carefully putting them back where they belong in the storage drawers under the bed in the office. 

When Nick goes to use the loo himself, he realises that the bath bomb left a sparkly pink residue coating the inside of the tub. After finishing up his bodily business, he grabs a cleaning spray and sponge and starts gently wiping up the mess. It doesn’t take much in terms of strength, since the stain hasn’t had time to set, but it’s an awkward angle to be bent over the tub like this and his arms are soon aching. 

“Nick?” he hears a soft call from the other side of the closed door. 

“Yeah?” Nick grunts, wiping the sweat off his brow with the back of his forearm. “You can come in, I’m just cleaning the tub.” 

“No, it’s fine,” Charlie says quietly. “I just… well… I’ve been thinking like… would you ever want to get married? To me?” 

Nick’s hand slips against the tub in his rush to push himself up to standing, and he nearly faceplants into the side of the ceramic. “Motherfucking cunt sucking piece of fucking…” he mutters under his breath, picking himself back up and practically throwing himself against the door before pulling it open. “Charlie Francis Fucking Spring!” he nearly shouts. Charlie opens his mouth to speak again but Nick just pulls him in for a fierce snog. 

“Is that a yes, then?” Charlie asks breathlessly when they finally break apart. 

“I was cleaning the tub!” Nick pants, laughing. “You asked me to marry you while I was fucking cleaning the fucking tub!”

“Technically I just asked if you would ever want to get married. To me.” 

“Important clarification, that bit,” Nick huffs, deeply amused and besotted. 

“And I notice you still haven’t answered,” Charlie replies, eyebrows raised with a cheeky grin playing across his face. 

Nick shakes his head, chuckling. “Gimme a mo’.” He pushes past his boyfriend and walks to their bedroom, pulling out the box marked Rugby Trophies. Charlie follows. 

“You need to consult your old trophies before you answer?” the smaller man teases. 

“No,” Nick responds. “I need to consult these.” He pulls out the new tarot deck, concealing the rest of the box’s contents while setting it on the ground at his feet. 

“New cards? But you don’t read tarot…” Charlie says, frowning in confusion. 

Nick is shuffling through the deck, looking for the card he wants. He had a plan, damn it. He finally finds what he needs, and sinks to one knee before handing it over to Charlie. 

“Four of wands?” Charlie asks, looking between the card and his partner. 

“Joy, celebration, domesticity. Right?” Nick asks. Charlie nods, and Nick continues. “You are my joy, Charlie Spring. You have brought so much laughter, and light, and love into my life. You are honest, and kind, and hardworking, and funny, and smart, and just incredible, honestly. Building a home with you has truly been a joy, and continuing to build a life with you would be an honour. Will you marry me?” 

Charlie sniffles, wiping away the mist that’s formed beneath his eyes before getting down on his knees. “You think you’re the only one who gets to make speeches around here, Mr. Nelson?” he laughs, grasping Nick’s hands in his own. “The Four of Wands is a celebration. It’s a pause to recognize everything you’ve accomplished so far, and a promise for what’s to come. What we’ve built together has been no easy task, but there is no one I’d rather have on my team. There is nothing that the world can throw at me that I can’t face, knowing that it’s you I get to come home to. You are my home, Nick. My soft place to land. My fairy lights and throw pillows and bubbles in my bath. You are warm like freshly baked bread, and steady like your atrocious snoring–”

“Oi!” Nick murmurs through a damp smile. 

“You are safety, and comfort, and love. You’re it for me, Nick. Will you marry me?” 

“Well who’s the fucking sap now?” Nick sniffles, wiping away his tears. 

“Still you,” Charlie chuckles. “Always you.” 

Nick reaches down to the old shoe box, knocking off the lid and pulling out the much smaller box from inside. “Yes, Charlie,” he says, opening the hinged box to reveal a princess cut deep red stone embedded into a shiny steel ring. “I’ll marry you.” 

Charlie gasps, gently removing the ring from the box and holding it up to the light. “Ruby?” 

“Garnet,” Nick smiles. “It’s the birthstone of–”

“January.” Charlie finishes his sentence. “Our first date.” 

“And it symbolises love, sincerity, determination, and… other stuff I don’t remember. Depending on who you ask,” Nick chuckles. He is really not a crystal gay, but he wanted the ring to be meaningful for Charlie. 

“Charisma and sexual energy too, I believe,” Charlie grins, his eyes sparkling mischievously. 

“Ah fuck, better pick a different stone then. You’re already too powerful!” Nick laughs. 

Charlie hums, cocking an eyebrow suggestively. “Guess you better put me in my place.” 

“Lord have mercy,” Nick murmurs. 

“Only if you ask real nice,” Charlie winks. 

Nick shakes his head, laughing. “Weren’t you tired? Whatever happened to having a kip?” 

Charlie stands, pulling Nick up with him. “Sleep with me?” 

Nick nods, and Charlie takes him by the hand and leads him to bed.