Archive of Our Own ^beta

The first time you kissed Kankri, it was just another of your “ironic” jokes. 

It wasn’t even a proper kiss, really, just a quick peck on the cheek in the middle of one of his obnoxiously long ramblings about some pseudo-offensive thing or another. …In front of everyone else present on the meteor. You had just sat back smugly and waited for the bomb to go off, and go off it did. 

See, Kankri was viciously passionate and cranky, but he wasn’t exactly what you would call a hot-head. As pretentious as he was, he was also incredibly patient and didn’t like to lose his composure. You’d only ever heard him yell a handful of times, and most of that was either him getting incredibly worked up over an issue he’d been talking about, or getting pissed at Porrim for babying him again. You’d never seen him actually blow up at anyone… well, until you went and kissed him on the cheek. 

He had turned to you, wide-eyed and appalled as his face turned as red as a tomato. The rest of the group was silent - not that anyone could get a word in edgewise with Kankri running his mouth - as they watched the scene unfold. Kankri promptly stood from his chair, nearly knocking it backward, and turned to face you - you had half expected him to grab you by the shirt collar, and ignored the part of you that would have been pleased by that outcome. But he managed to maintain that part of his composure and just glared at you, hands gripping the table in front of him as his mouth drew back into a snarl. Damn. 

“How. DARE . You.”

And the rest was sweet history. You sat there like a kid getting scolded by the teacher for the fiftieth time that week and only half-listened as he chewed you out for being incredibly rude, disrespecting boundaries, and making the others uncomfortable, among several more violations of the Kankri Code. Considering the others had all quietly shuffled out of the room during his tantrum, you had a feeling you weren’t the one making them uncomfortable.

And yeah, maybe you did deserve it a little. You’d done nothing but drive him up the wall since you and Roxy arrived at the meteor and started this insanity inducing journey, so this was probably just his tipping point with you. Eventually, he got so fed up that he just groaned in frustration and stormed out of the room, leaving you alone to bask in what you considered a victory. 

The next time you kissed Kankri, it was… well. Kind of your fault again. 

Kankri dragged you into watching one of his troll documentaries, which you would have found more interesting if he hadn’t been talking over it the entire time, criticizing every little detail and fact that he deemed incorrect or problematic. Like, man, if you’re gonna commentate on a movie at least be funny or something. But whatever. 

At some point the topic of quadrants came up - whether that was from the documentary or of Kankri’s own volition you had no idea - and he started basically quizzing you on the shit he’d taught you, what, like almost two years ago at that point? So obviously, other than the basics you remembered jack and shit. He seemed a little miffed by it and proceeded to re-educate you. You weren’t about to sit through another two hours of that so instead, you said something stupid.

“You know, I’m more of a hands-on learner, if you catch my drift,” You’d said it so casually with only a hint of tease in your voice to let him know ‘I’m just fucking with you’, but apparently he didn’t get that. Evidently he didn’t, as he stopped talking and turned to you with a surprised expression. 

“Oh, Dirk, why didn’t you say so? Here I am running my mouth with useful information that’s just going in one ear and out the other. I apologize, let’s just… adjust ourselves here,” He leaned forward then, taking hold of your wrist and tugging you closer to him. 

You definitely did not make an embarrassingly high-pitched noise of surprise, suddenly all up in the personal space of Kankri Vantas. You leaned back, hesitantly, and shot him a look. “Whoa, dude, what are you doing?”

“I’m showing you how the quadrants work,” He said, deadpan, as if it should’ve been obvious. You couldn’t tell if he was fucking with you or not, but knowing him, he was probably taking this very seriously. It almost made you laugh at just how absurd this was.

He was still holding your wrist - loosely enough that you could get away if you wanted to, but… “Aren’t you- I thought you weren’t into this kind of stuff?”

Kankri sighed, impatiently. “This is for educational purposes, Dirk. It doesn’t count,” His gaze shifted into something darker, then, as if challenging you somehow. “Is this not what you wanted?”

And fuck if you weren’t one to say no to a challenge. 

You gave him the smallest of smirks, lowering your head level with his. “No, it definitely is. Show me, oh wise one.”

Kankri smirked smugly back at you, and scooted himself closer to you on the couch. You tried to keep your face as cool and unbothered as possible, ignoring the rapid beating of your heart. He tilted his head in thought for a moment. “Hm, I suppose it would be difficult to replicate the ashen quadrant given there’s no third party present… so I guess we’ll have to start with pale.”

You nodded, cool as ever. 

“What do you know about moirallegiance, Dirk?” He asked, gaze boring into you like you’re standing before a court. 

“It’s like, uh… best friends, kind of,” You started, instinctively trying to move your hands but found Kankri was still holding onto them. Did he think you were gonna run away or something? No. You were committed to this bit. “By human standards it seems mostly platonic, but it’s still a form of romance. A lot of trust and holding each other accountable, that kind of stuff.”

“Not bad,” Kankri commented, nodding. Given your close proximity, his voice was a lot lower than it normally was. “But you’re still missing a few key components. You’ve heard about the piles, haven’t you?”

He was still fucking looking at you with those sharp eyes, the faintest hint of red starting to fill in around the edge of his iris. You probably wouldn’t even have noticed if you weren’t so close. You had to resist the urge to avert your gaze. You easily could have, as he couldn’t really see your eyes behind your shades, but a part of you didn’t want to. For whatever reason. “Yeah, Roxy told me about that. You make a big comfy pile of stuff and then lay there talking about your feelings or whatever.”

Kankri hummed in approval. “Good. I forgot you have a real moirallegiance to draw some knowledge from. Now… Do you know how moirails tend to comfort each other?”

You… actually didn’t. That part of it never really came up, and you didn’t think there was some intricate ritual to comforting someone. Your silence seemed to tell Kankri this, and he tutted quietly before turning his full attention to you. “May I touch you, Dirk?”

What. What? Okay, just try to keep your cool. You lightly strained against the grip he had on your wrists, cocking an eyebrow. “You kind of already are, man. Just do what you gotta do for the… lesson.”

“Right. Of course,” He replied hastily, and he almost seemed… flustered. But he blinked a few times and straightened up a bit, releasing one of your wrists in order to slowly, delicately reach up and caress your cheek. Oh god, you hoped your face wasn't warm. He probably wouldn’t even know the difference, but still. You remained still and composed even as you felt yourself relaxing into the touch like a deflating balloon. Then, Kankri started lightly patting your cheek and making a shush ing noise. “This is what’s known as the shoosh-pap method, and it is especially effective when dealing with angry, distressed trolls on the cusp of violence.”

If you weren’t feeling so placated by this demonstration of troll magics, you’d certainly laugh at that stupid sounding name. Sounded more like an invasive medical procedure or something. You just nodded as best as you can against his hand, letting out a “mmhmm”. You couldn’t deny that it was kind of comforting.

Kankri drew his hand away, leaning back to observe you for a moment. You felt a little cold without his touch, but didn’t show it. At least you don’t think you did. Then, he cleared his throat and looked away. “That is sufficient enough for the pale quadrant, let’s move on.”

You made a noise of acknowledgement and nodded, feeling a little nervous because you knew what the next two quadrants entailed. Chill out, man, this is fine, it doesn’t mean anything. 

“I’m sure you are quite familiar with matespritships, as not only is it the most similar to human romance, but you were involved in a relationship for a while there,” Kankri said, his eyes looking off to the side in thought. A flash of hesitation crossed his face as he shifted his gaze back to you, leaning in close. You instinctively leaned back. “So why don’t you show me what you know?”

Fuck. Did he want you to kiss him? Shit, okay, you should have expected this, you did tell him to do whatever. Yeah. You weren’t afraid of a little kissing, you’d done this before. …Wait, had Kankri even been kissed before? Why would he waste that on something like this, on someone like you? He said that this lesson “didn’t count” but like, come on, there has to be a line drawn somewhere.

He was still gazing at you expectantly, and you were well aware that he would back off if you told him you truly weren’t comfortable with this. But you didn’t say anything. You, Dirk Strider, are a lot of things, but a quitter isn’t one of them. So, you leaned in, tilting your head and pretending not to hear the hitch in his breath as you pressed your lips together. It was barely anything, like the equivalent of awkwardly kissing your middle school crush in the hallway. There was no movement, and you just held it there for a few seconds before pulling away. You watched him blink, like he didn’t expect you to actually do it, as his cheeks flushed a faint red. It was kinda cute. What?

Then, his face contorted into that scrunched look of annoyance you’re so used to, and he crossed his arms. “Dirk, I would hardly consider that a proper flushed kiss! That was a kiss for wrigglers - do you really think that’s sufficient? I should apologize on your behalf to English if that’s the way you were kissing him.”

Well, he had a point about it not being a proper kiss, but did he really want you to go all out on this? “Come on, man, you have no right to be judging my kisses so harshly. Besides, we aren’t even…” You trailed off, not bothering to state the obvious. 

Kankri either didn’t notice or didn't bother to comment on it, because he was leaning in again with a scoff, close enough that you could feel his breath against your face. “Then be quiet and do it better.”

“Fine.” He wanted a kiss? You’d show him a kiss. 

You scooted yourself closer to him until your knees were touching, and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. His gaze on you was intense, traces of a blush still present. Your hand slid to his shoulder, then up his neck, and he twitched faintly under your touch. Your fingers trailed along the curve of his jaw as you leaned in, lips just barely brushing his. You rested your hand right under his ear and kissed him, deeper and with purpose. He inhaled sharply, making you smirk triumphantly against his lips. For a while you were doing most of the work, slowly dragging and pressing your lips together, and you thought he wasn't going to reciprocate. It wouldn’t have surprised you - the two of you weren’t flushed, after all. You were just going to do this for as long as he would let you.

But then his mouth parted slightly and he pressed back into your lips, and you felt sparks shoot through your entire body. He was shy, hesitant and inexperienced with his fists curled against his thighs, but you met each movement with enthusiasm. His lips were thick and rougher than a human’s, not as soft and pliable, but that only added to the experience, in your good opinion. You ended up getting lost  in each other for a while, one of his hands found its way to your shoulder while your own tangled with the hair at the base of his neck. Distantly, you recall Kankri spouting up a storm about human-troll sloppy makeouts shortly after arriving on the meteor, and look what was happening now, two years later. What a fucking hypocrite. 

You smirked at the thought and brought his lower lip in between your teeth to suck on it gently, and Kankri promptly gasped loudly and shoved you away with both hands. You hit the arm of the couch with an oof , and sat up as you rubbed the back of your neck. “Damn, dude, if you wanted me to stop you could’ve just said so.”

His eyes were wide, his face a deep red as he gaped at you. You could tell he was trying to keep up his prim and upstuck demeanor and failing miserably, and that only made you feel all the more satisfied. “That’s- just-” He stammered. “What you did at the end there is more of a- a pitched thing, is all.”

“Oh, uh, sorry?” Way to go, Dirk, skipping ahead to the next lesson so soon. They oughta give you extra credit or something. You cocked your head to the side, smugly. “So, aside from that, how’d I do this time?”

“That…” Kankri was practically bristling with embarrassment, and he cleared his throat before turning his head away. “That was… acceptable.”

“Only acceptable? Shit, guess I gotta do better next time,” You saw the way his body tensed as you said next time and bit back a laugh. You were only messing with him, of course, but then he was standing up abruptly and adjusting his sweater, avoiding eye contact with you.

“I… I think that’s enough for this lesson. You did…” His gaze flickered to you for a split second, as if the very sight of you burned him. “...good enough.”

You’d shifted awkwardly in your seat, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed about everything that just happened. Part of you was tempted to tease him about not even getting to the pitched quadrant, but you were also worried that you actually made him uncomfortable. “Oh, uh. Sure.”

Kankri nodded and took a breath before heading for the transportalizer on the other side of the room. “Right. I’ll see you later, Dirk.” He was gone before you could even say anything, and you were left to sit there wondering if maybe you fucked something up.

It wouldn’t be until later, several years down the line, that he would tell you that he thought about that kiss every single night afterwards.

The first time Kankri kissed you, you weren’t expecting it at all.

You remember the final battle - on the rooftop of your apartment on LOHAX fighting three fucked up looking dudes alongside Dave, Latula, and Mituna. You remember getting trapped at the front of a line of said fucked up looking dudes all with weapons to each others throats like a really batshine insane hostage situation. You held your own sword against that of whoever was behind you, and there was no easy way out of this.

You saw Dave standing across from you. You made eye contact with him, an unspoken plan communicated between the two of you. It had to be done, there was no other way. You trusted him. And yet you couldn’t ignore the pang of guilt in your chest as you noticed the waver in his grip when he readied his sword.

He sprinted at you, and then all you saw was red. 

Red filled your vision again, when you awoke back on the platform with a gasping breath. To your left, you saw the blurry outline of Jane, the stark blue remnants of the life powers she no doubt just used on you being absorbed into her being. She said something to you, probably something like “welcome back”, but you were still kind of disoriented and your hearing muffled as your body rebooted itself.

To your right was Kankri, with an expression of outrage and terror you’d never seen on him before. He was yelling at you, probably, if the harsh movement of his mouth was anything to go by. Not that you were looking at his mouth. As your eyesight adjusted, you could see faint red tear streaks on his cheeks, and in your dazed state you were overcome with an incredible urge to comfort him. So you tried, lifting your hand to wipe his tears away, but he grabbed your hand before you could, gently setting it back on the ground even as he continued yelling at you. He didn’t let go of it. 

Soon, your hearing gradually faded back into existence, and you were finally able to discern what he was saying to you:

“...have any idea how awful of a sight it was to see you all bloodied and headless?! I can’t believe you chose to do something so reckless, you could have DIED! Actually died! I don’t know how in the world you managed to get away from a heroic death but for goodness sake , Dirk! Do you know what I - or anyone else - would have done if I learned you were gone for good? Because I sure don’t! You just-”

“Hey,” Your voice was barely more than a croak, but it was enough to get Kankri to shut up for a moment. “Missed you too. You talk too much.”

The anger on his face increased twofold before it collapsed all at once, and he let out a sigh of relief before leaning forward to bury his face in your chest. If your brain didn’t feel like molasses, you might have been uncomfortable by the fact that so many people could see the two of you being so… intimate , but in that moment you don’t think you wanted anything else. Or anyone else. 

Eventually Kankri lifted his head to look at you, his intense gaze searching yours for several moments, and then his eyes widened slightly, like he had just come to a realization. “Dirk,” He said to you, so softly that you didn’t think anyone else could have heard it even if they were right next to you. “May I do something sort of stupid? M- Maybe stupid is an inappropriate word to use, so forgive me, but…”

You smirked dumbly up at him, his sudden gentleness filling you with warmth. “I kinda just did something stupid, so, I guess it’s only fair that you get a ride on the stupid train, too.”

He gave you the smallest of smiles, a huff of laughter in that I can’t believe you sort of way, and then he was leaning down to press his lips to yours. You think you stopped breathing again, but in a much better way. His hands still on yours prevented you from touching him in any way, but you tilted your head and leaned into it as best as you could. You knew you would both be teased endlessly for this later on, but who cared? You didn’t. How could you care when you were kissing Kankri and it felt right this time?

After a few seconds, Kankri pulled away, looking down at you with a dazed kind of stupor before he seemingly realized what he just did and where he was and straightened himself back up. He hesitantly lifted his hands from yours, and glanced around awkwardly with a blush on his face. “...We can talk about this later. I should… check up on the others as well.”

“Yeah. Of course,” You replied with a thumbs up, and finally felt okay enough to sit up without feeling dizzy. Your eyes roamed the platform, and found that nobody was really paying attention to you two, which had you somewhat relieved.

Kankri gave you one more flash of a genuine, shy smile before he turned on his heel and walked off. You watched him go, feeling your heart sway in an unfamiliar, yet satisfied way.