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To my dear friend,
I hope this reaches you well in Jincheng. I have been informed that our Crown Prince is diligent beyond belief with the arrangement of supply lines, so hopefully this letter will reach you in a timely manner. I know that I, for one, anticipate your letters with the eagerness of a child and curse any delays in their arrival. Your words bring me much comfort these days. It is fascinating how news of home can soothe the far wandering soul which longs for simpler times.
The days are short here as winter approaches, and we often labor long before sunrise and long after sundown, slugging through the cold and wet. Many times, we work in near darkness to avoid lighting too many fires and alerting the enemy to our location. In another life, I would never be here, but in times of great peril, a man must make a stand for himself, for his loved ones, and for his country. These recent years have instilled that within me.
It occurs to me that I have never been so far north before. Our travels in the jianghu have never taken us this way. When I return, we must visit Prince Ji’s hot springs again. I fear that if I do not have a hot bath at the end of all this, I will lose the faculty of my toes altogether!
Please do not be too concerned by my whining as I am doing well. I will not lie to you and say that it is easy. As you know, I am no military man. I am but the frivolous son of an apathetic Marquis, spoiled by the privileges of my station and the comforts of the capital. Although I suppose that is not true anymore. Father is embroiled in politics once more, and General Nie has done his best to guide me as a soldier. I must inform you that Dong-jie is no less frightening translating for General Nie than she was as a martial instructor. If she insists on pinching my ears as punishment, then they will fall off before the campaign is over! Oh, the injustice, the cruelty, and for her favorite student as well! If only Fei Liu were here to avenge me.
I complain to you only because you are my friend, and I trust you to receive my words as the empty whinging of my childish heart and nothing more. I hope Grand Princess Liyang and Xie Bi are in good health and stable spirits. I thank you once again for tending to my father as well. You are my dearest friend, and I look forward to the day that we can be reunited in sunnier days and peaceful climes.
Your loyal friend,
Yan Yujin
—
When Yan Yujin returns to the capital, it is in the procession of a victorious army. Red banners line the street as they ride for the Palace to deliver their final report. The Jifeng army did not emerge without losses, but they successfully defended the Northern front. It should be an occasion for celebration.
Yan Yujin rides not far behind Nie Feng and Xia Dong. He finds it fitting that he went from following Xia Dong’s instruction in training yards to following her and her husband’s instruction on the battlefield. He gladens to see how Xia Dong has healed with Nie Feng’s return. Yan Yujin was too young to remember what Xia Dong was like before the Chiyan tragedy, but he could see the vestiges of a younger, happier woman in the snatches of quiet found between the fighting. He thinks that Gong Yu would be able to spin a wonderful song out of this kind of love.
As they approach the outer wall of the palace, Nie Feng dismisses his troops to rest and recuperate in their respective homes or barracks. Yan Yujin says his goodbyes to Xia Dong and Nie Feng and returns to the Yan Manor.
Yan Yujin doesn’t know who to expect at the Yan Manor this morning. While Marquis Yan Xie no longer abandons the capital for long tenures in the temples, he has now become one of Crown Prince Xiao Jingyan’s trusted advisors, and he may be conferring at the Eastern Palace. As such, Yan Yujin dismounts from his horse and indulges in a long walk through his neighborhood. He has never much liked the feeling of returning to an empty manor, especially after so long away.
The streets of Jincheng reflect the state of war. The vendors are more sparse and their wares much diminished. Still, Yan Yujin walks in the comfort of homecoming.
Finally, he has delayed enough and arrives at the entrance of the Yan Manor. A servant rushes out to greet him, taking the reins of his horse. The servant says, “Young Master Yan, your father has been summoned to the palace and regrets his inability to welcome you home. He will, however, return by supper to dine with you.”
“I understand. I’m tired anyway. I may lay down for a rest until supper. Are my rooms ready?” Yan Yujin asks.
“Yes, Young Master, but you have a guest.”
“A guest?” Yan Yujin walks around the servant into the courtyard.
The place is just as he remembers it, in more ways than one. Since Yan Yujin and Xiao Jingrui became friends in their youth, Xiao Jingrui was often found in the front hall of the Yan Manor, and indeed, there he is today. The mid-day sun casts a favorable glow around him as he reads a scroll in one hand and holds a tea cup in the other, the very image of a learned young man.
It has been six years since the beginning of the war. Seven if one counts the tumultuous year leading up to the ascension of the Crown Prince Xiao Jingyan. Can they be the same together as they once were, when they have both been so altered in the passage of time?
“Jingrui!” Yan Yujin shouts, unable to contain himself as he bounds across the courtyard.
Jingrui stands, walking out of the hall and meeting him on the steps. “Yujin, you’re back!”
“I am, I am. What are you doing here?” Yujin throws his arms around his friend without compunction. It is perhaps impolite but he likes to think that he and Xiao Jingrui are beyond those pleasantries.
“Your father called upon me when he received the summons to court. He didn’t wish for you to return to an empty manor.”
Yan Yujin is momentarily speechless as a bordering childlike grin blooms across his face. A few years ago, this care would’ve never crossed his father’s mind.
“Good thing you’re here then. We can begin planning our itinerary,” Yan Yujin says, throwing an arm across Xiao Jingrui’s shoulders and leading him back into the hall. He waves down some servants, requesting a new pot of tea and some snacks.
“What itinerary?” Xiao Jingrui asks, sitting back down across from Yan Yujin.
“You know, for our travels. It was your idea.”
“Right, I remember. You–you never responded to the request though,” Xiao Jingrui stammers, a flush making its way across his cheeks. “You don’t have to come along. When I wrote, I was–anyway, I wouldn’t want to impose. I realized when I didn’t receive a response that I perhaps overstepped in my assumption that you would want to come with me.”
“Of course, I want to come with you,” Yan Yujin says as if Xiao Jingrui’s letter had not plagued his waking hours, as if he hadn’t only decided that he would agree as he rode back into the city. “Sorry, we got busy with the surrender terms right after I received it, and I thought that it would only be a few more weeks before we returned. I could discuss it with you in person.”
Xiao Jingrui folds his hands into his sleeves and gives a tight smile. “I understand. Where would you like to go first then?”
“The hot springs of course!”
—
Yan Yujin is home for three months before they embark upon their pilgrimage. They wait until the end of the war, until Commander Meng rides into the Imperial Palace with the final report from the Da Yu battlefields, until the recently crowned Emperor Xiao Jingyan renames the victorious forces the Changlin Army.
It is… a difficult time. For all.
The mysterious Sir Su, the illustrious Chief Mei, is nowhere to be found in the returning troops.
Yan Yujin is ambivalent. On one hand, this was a brilliant man who always welcomed Yan Yujin as a guest in his home, a strategist who even Marquis Yan praises. On the other hand, this is the arbitrator of Xiao Jingrui’s biggest heartbreak. Yan Yujin is a loyal friend above all else. It is difficult to decide if or how he should mourn Mei Changsu’s death.
Two weeks before Yan Yujin and Xiao Jingrui are set to depart Jinling, the pair of them call upon the emperor to see the baby, the new Crown Prince. Technically, Yan Yujin is accompanying Marquis Yan, and Xiao Jingrui is accompanying Grand Princess Liyang, but the two of them wind up entering the palace together. After years apart, the pair have become nigh inseparable once more.
Xiao Jingrui entertains the baby, a chubby and happy boy, with a wooden eagle while Yan Yujin contents himself with observing. Yan Yujin has never been particularly adept with children, and this is one important baby. He’d rather not draw the ire of the Empress and the Empress Dowager if he accidentally makes the boy cry.
“It is good to see you both again,” Xiao Jingyan says.
The sudden overture startles Yan Yujin, who jumps slightly before replying, “It is good to see you as well, Your Majesty.”
“I hear the two of you intend to travel together for a period,” remarks Xiao Jingyan.
“We do. We depart in two weeks.”
“That’s good. I wish you a safe and joyful journey.”
“Thank you, Your Majesty.”
The pleasant smile drops from Xiao Jingyan’s face as he hesitates over his next words. His gaze drifts back towards where Xiao Jingrui is playing with his son. “One of Sir Su’s greatest regrets in his machinations was the events of Xiao Jingrui’s birthday.”
“If one were to ask Jingrui about it, he would say that Sir Su only brought to light crimes that were already committed. It was not his fault,” Yan Yujin says, choosing his words carefully.
“And what would you say?”
Yan Yujin doesn’t respond for a long moment. “Honestly, I do not know. The truth has the right to be known, but the manner in which it was done hurt my dearest friend. It was difficult to witness.”
“I see.” Xiao Jingyan pauses. His eyes are suddenly somewhere very far away, dreaming of people no longer present. “Sir Su was always concerned with how his underhanded schemes would tarnish my righteousness, but when he relayed this plan to me, I had less reservations than him. I was driven by the weight of the truth that was revealed to me. There are some tragedies in one’s life that indelibly changes who they are. The Chiyan case was mine. Perhaps that banquet was Xiao Jingrui’s. What kind of man can remain unchanged when their world turns on its head?
“Xiao Jingrui is lucky though. He has a faithful friend at his side to help him rebuild the world.”
Xiao Jingyan finishes with a smile and a hand upon Yan Yujin’s shoulder before he stands up and is once more the irreproachable Son of Heaven, but for a moment, Yan Yujin was spoken to by the man himself.
—
They say their goodbyes to their respective parents at home and are accompanied to the outer city walls by an entourage of Xie Bi, Nie Feng, Xia Dong, Mu Qing, and the recently betrothed, Nie Duo and Mu Nihuang.
“Be sure to return in time for my wedding. I expect worthy presents from your travels,” Mu Nihuang teases. She is lighter than Yan Yujin has ever seen her, her face lit up with a girlish delight by the prospect of her marriage.
“We will, we will. I’ll be sure to pick for both of us too! Jingrui has no taste.” Yan Yujin laughs loudly to keep the attention on him. From the corner of his eye, he can see Xie Bi and Xiao Jingrui engaged in a heated discussion.
“Your taste is not much better in this case. Nihuang prefers graceful and classic designs unlike your preference for ornamentation,” Xia Dong says.
“I am well-versed in all types of styles,” Yan Yujin insists. “Just you see, Duchess Nihuang. Our gifts will be your favorites.”
Xiao Jingrui chooses this moment to tear himself away from Xie Bi, reappearing at Yan Yujin’s shoulder. “We should leave soon if we want to reach the hot springs by nightfall.”
“You’re right,” Yan Yujin agrees easily. He turns to their friends and bows deeply. “I thank everyone for the send off. We will leave from here.”
They mount their horses to a chorus of goodbyes and well-wishes, and Yan Yujin’s carries a weatherbeaten heart. Bittersweetness settles in his marrow as they temporarily relinquish home in favor of the wild, wide world.
—
“Ah, this is life, Jingrui. I am never leaving this hot spring,” Yan Yujin sighs contently, sinking deeper into the water until it grazes his chin.
“I am not carrying you back to your room if you faint from the heat,” Xiao Jingrui retorts.
“What a cruel friend you are!”
Xiao Jingrui rolls his eyes fondly and wades further into the pool, slowly submerging his entire body into the water. He emerges with a loud huff and wipes the water from his face. Yan Yujin has not seen him so relaxed in a long time. He doesn’t know if that is thanks to the hot spring or the distance from the capital. Possibly both.
“What were you talking to Xie Bie about?” Yan Yujin asks and almost wants to slap his own mouth when the tension returns to Xiao Jingrui’s shoulders.
“He was entreating me to call upon Zhuo Dingfeng and the Tianquan Manor,” Xiao Jingrui says with a scoff.
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“Well,” Yan Yujin starts carefully, “it’s not a terrible idea. Zhuo Dingfeng and Madame Zhuo saw you as a son for many years and doted on you constantly. A reconciliation would not be impossible.”
“That’s not the point,” Xiao Jingrui snaps. “How does Xie Bi have the audacity to suggest I visit them when I still cannot fathom the tragedies that Xie Yu has subjected the Zhuo family to? He mentions it from a perspective of social reputation, and I will not darken the Zhuo’s doorstep on such an account.”
Yan Yujin waits for Xiao Jingrui to vent his frustration and then asks simply, “Do you wish to go though?”
Steam rises from the water into the lingering chill of an early spring night. Xiao Jingrui tips his head back to the stars. His hair swims loose behind him, dark strands catching on pieces of rock at the pool’s edge.
“I don’t know,” Xiao Jingrui says. “I don’t know.”
—
For the first leg of their journey, Yan Yujin and Xiao Jingrui elect to go west from Prince Ji’s hot springs. They travel along the major trading route, so it is not long before they arrive at a larger city. It is to Yan Yujin’s delight that they happen upon the city on a bustling market day. To Xiao Jingrui’s exasperation, he is dragged along under the excuse of shopping for a gift for Mu Nihuang. After the tenth stall on the street, Xiao Jingrui stops keeping track of what wares they are perusing.
“This is a wonderful composition,” Yan Yujin praises. He has one hand tucked behind his back while his other traces the notes of the music score laid before him.
“I wasn’t aware that the Duchess Nihuang developed an interest in obscure musical compositions,” Xiao Jingrui remarks drily.
“She hasn’t. I’m considering purchasing this for Miss Gong Yu.”
“Oh?” A teasing grin emerges on Xiao Jingrui’s face.
Yan Yujin takes one look at him and rolls his eyes. “It’s not like that.”
“Isn’t it? Tell that to someone who has not heard you sing her praises to the moon for years now.”
“I won’t lie and say that I don’t enjoy her company or her musical talent,” Yan Yujin clarifies quickly, a light pink on his cheeks. “It’s different though.”
“How so?” Xiao Jingrui asks with a polite tilt of his head.
“She has had a difficult life. She grew up wanting nothing more than to avenge her father’s death while the man she followed for years has recently passed as well. She doesn’t have much in the way of true amity. I count it a blessing that she considers me a friend these days, someone she can confide in.”
“That is certainly something you are good at.”
“What?”
“Being a friend,” Xiao Jingrui says with a gentle smile.
Yan Yujin flusters at the sudden compliment and returns his attention to the vendor, extracting the correct amount of payment for the music scroll. When Yan Yujin turns around, having concluded the transaction, he finds Xiao Jingrui accosted by a group of children. Their youthful voices surround him as they urge him into a game of jianzi. With Xiao Jingrui’s martial training, it is no hardship for him to keep the feathered toy aloft, easily kicking it from foot to foot and delivering it back to the kids.
Seized by a sense of mischief, Yan Yujin waits until the jianzi is kicked towards Xiao Jingrui and leaps forward to intercept it. Their shoulders collide with a loud smack, and while the jianzi is kept in play, the two of them are not. Xiao Jingrui goes down first, hitting the ground, as Yan Yujin crumples on top of him.
Xiao Jingrui groans from the impact and shoves Yan Yujin off of him unceremoniously. Yan Yujin is ready to apologize and beg for forgiveness when Xiao Jingrui bursts out laughing. He flops back against the ground, unconcerned by the dust covering his traveling robes.
“Yan Yujin, are you trying to kill me?” Xiao Jingrui demands, loud enough to be heard over the raucous giggles of the watching children. He is grinning widely though, so Yan Yujin knows that no offense was taken.
“I wanted to play too,” Yan Yujin says, pitching his voice into a whine.
Xiao Jingrui laughs again, standing and holding out a hand to help Yan Yujin. They return to the children’s game until an older woman comes to beckon the children away. By then, it is late afternoon with the sun beginning to set against the sky. As they stroll back to their inn for the night, the jocular mood follows them and buoys them through their dinner.
Yan Yujin has not heard Xiao Jingrui laugh so freely and so frequently in a long time. Perhaps since their last trip into the jianghu. When they turn in for the night, Yan Yujin thinks to himself, “No, I am not trying to kill Xiao Jingrui. I am attempting to rebuild a world.”
—
A few weeks into their travel, they have turned south where the rivers swell with the summer rains and the humidity becomes a second cloak. They wash frequently in rivers or bathhouses as they start to sweat through even their thinnest robes. The world around them explodes into lush greens with bursts of the brightest flowers. The trading routes wind through forests that teem with flocks of birds and troupes of hares. Yan Yujin makes a merry game of chasing the animals into the thrush until Xiao Jingrui has enough and scolds him for scaring away their potential dinner.
It is in these times that they are joined by, what Yan Yujin would consider, an unwanted companion. Xiao Jingrui’s Nanchu sister, Yuwen Nian.
They bump into the young woman in some backwater town. Apparently, she had been accompanying her teacher, Yue Xiuze, on his travels. Yan Yujin thinks that her arrival is far from mere happenstance, but he has no proof. He alludes to as much during dinner.
“Princess Yuwen Nian finds long stays at court stifling. She has often accompanied me on short trips into the jianghu. Now that I have retired from court service, she has to come to me for further training,” Yue Xiuze explains, nailing Yan Yujin with a haughty look.
And yet, despite the apparent need for Yuwen Nian’s further training, Yue Xiuze allows Yuwen Nian to join Xiao Jingrui and Yan Yujin’s party of two for a duration.
Yan Yujin follows Xiao Jingrui back to his rooms after dinner, fuming. As soon as the doors slide shut, he demands, “Who is she to invite herself along like this?”
“Actually, I wrote to her. I told her that we would be traveling around these parts and that if we bumped into each other, we could continue together for a while,” Xiao Jingrui explains sheepishly.
“You wanted her here? But you were so uncomfortable during dinner.”
“She does make me uncomfortable sometimes,” Xiao Jingrui admits with a sigh. “She grew up hearing about me as a brother. I didn’t know we were related until my birthday banquet. Not to mention, when I think about a little sister, I still think about…”
“Xie Qi,” Yan Yujin says the name quietly.
“Yes… I want to know her better though. As much as I resent the circumstances, she is my family. Her father is very likely my father too.”
Yan Yujin doesn’t voice this uncharitable thought, but it’s not as if Xiao Jingrui lacked fathers before. Why does he need another one from Nan Chu?
“What is he like? The Emperor of Nan Chu?” Yan Yujin asks.
Xiao Jingrui adopts a contemplative look, always one for deliberating his words before speaking. “He is a kind man and a stern ruler. He dotes upon Yuwen Nian especially. I think he still loves my mother.”
“Really? Even after all these years?”
“I think so. He often asks after her, and when he speaks to me about her, I can hear how much he venerates her.”
“Will Grand Princess Liyang ever visit him?” Yan Yujin asks as the thought only occurs to him at that moment. Grand Princess Liyang is a widow now, the grown aunt of the current Liang Emperor. It would not be beyond the realm of possibility that she could be granted a visit to Nan Chu to accompany her son.
“I don’t know. That is the matter of the generation above us. I have enough of my own troubles without taking on their burdens more than I already have,” Xiao Jingrui replies wryly with a type of bitterness that had never touched him until recently.
With that, they bid each other goodnight and conclude the discussion on this matter.
The next day Yuwen Nian joins them with a decidedly cheerful attitude and an acute knowledge of southern music styles. It doesn’t take long for Yan Yujin to warm up to her despite his reservations. His open discussion with her appears to help Xiao Jingrui relax in front of her as well.
Yan Yujin is suddenly summoned back to their boyhood when the reserved Xiao Jingrui would use the loudmouthed Yan Yujin as a buffer to strangers and a bridge to new friendships.
Yuwen Nian travels with them for two weeks altogether. They enter another town where Yue Xiuze is waiting to assume custody of the wayward princess once more. When they part ways, Yuwen Nian says to Yan Yujin in low tones, “My brother is lucky to have as thoughtful a companion as Young Master Yan.”
“Your brother is lucky to have as kind of a sister as Princess Yuwen Nian,” Yan Yujin replies, and he finds that he means it.
The young woman has thoroughly endeared herself to him these previous days. She is generous and filial, which led her to seek out her long lost brother. She desired her father’s happiness and a completed family more than anything else in her young heart. It is not her fault that the circumstances of the situation were so tormented.
In the rebuilding of a world, not all the players of the stage remain the same. Sometimes a world rebuilds bigger than how it began.
—
When they land in a town, Yan Yujin finds them an inn and a teahouse, and they wile away the days indulging in properly cooked meals, good stories, better wine, and the best of local musicians. Most of their days on the road though are spent riding, admiring the scenery, and fighting against each other.
In the past, Yan Yujin has never successfully beat Xiao Jingrui in a swordfight. There’s only so much one can do against one of the legacies of a martial style on the Langya List. The first time that Yan Yujin wins, he crows his victory to the skies.
“You’ve gotten much better,” Xiao Jingrui compliments as they sit side by side on the ground, catching their breaths.
“Thank you. I don’t have the flair of a proper sword style, but Dong-jie and General Nie did a good job instructing me.”
“I imagine fighting on a battlefield is much more complicated.”
Yan Yujin hesitates to comment. They don’t speak of the war, at least not in detail. He knows that he returned to Jincheng a different Yan Yujin. He has yet to be able to articulate along which ley lines these changes occurred.
“It is. It’s messier, dirtier,” Yan Yujin says. “I never would’ve thought myself a man of war, but the times called for it. In the moment, nothing much matters except how your body moves, but the real difference sinks in during the aftermath. When the smoke clears and you are left with the work of cleaning corpses from a field.”
“That sounds… difficult. Sometimes I thought about enlisting, but my mother wanted me at home. She’d experienced too many shocks in recent years for me to disobey her.”
“Grand Princess Liyang was right. We didn’t lack bodies in our battles. We lacked sufficient generals. The ones we had were brilliant, but they were stretched across all the battlefronts. One extra soldier would not have tipped the scales.”
“Still, I would’ve liked to fight alongside you,” Xiao Jingrui declares, wrapping his hand around Yan Yujin’s wrist.
“I think I would’ve as well, but let us hope that such an opportunity doesn’t arise again in our lifetimes!”
Yan Yujin laughs as the sun beats down upon their shoulders, burning them through the thin material of their inner robes. There were days upon the northern front when Yan Yujin feared that his bones would never be warm again. He is glad that he is wrong.
—
One day, their journey takes them to the Jiangzuo Alliance. They’d taken care to avoid those territories for most of their expedition, but the unexpected blockage of some roads due to floods caused them to detour past the borders. They’ve barely been in the territory for longer than a shichen when they’re accosted by a shadowed figure leaping from a tree.
Yan Yujin screams as a lithe young man lands in their path, scaring the horses. The young man stands with a proudly lifted chin and a familiar pout. Yan Yujin’s eyes almost jump out of his skull.
“Fei Liu?” he exclaims.
“Mn,” Fei Liu answers.
“You’ve grown so tall,” Xiao Jingrui says, recovering faster verbally as the two of them dismount their horses.
“Mn,” Fei Liu says again, drawing himself up with a smug smile.
“What are you doing here?” Yan Yujin asks.
“Want to come,” Fei Liu says, lifting a hand to show the knapsack at his side.
“You want to come with us?” Xiao Jingrui confirms.
“Mn!”
“Why?”
Fei Liu bounces forward, as light on his feet as a sprite even with his new height. He pokes Xiao Jingrui on the forehead and says, “Su-gege’s friend.”
Xiao Jingrui startles with Fei Liu’s sudden proximity and turns to Yan Yujin with a wide-eyed look. Yan Yujin shrugs helplessly. No one except Mei Changsu has ever been able to tell Fei Liu to do anything.
“Welcome to the trip, Fei Liu. It’s been too long,” Yan Yujin says with a warm smile. It’s an unexpected visit, but it is good to see the young man. Last anyone heard of him, he was searching the ravines of Cliff Mei for his precious Su-gege until the Young Master of Langya Hall dragged him home.
Fei Liu seems to take Yan Yujin’s words as permission and jumps back into the trees. Miraculously, Fei Liu keeps pace with their horses from the tree tops. Every once in a while, he yells out to him and hangs upside down from a branch to show them an interesting leaf pattern or a sweet fruit that he found.
As with their last guest, Fei Liu doesn’t stay with them for too long. He lasts a week, albeit an eventful one. During this time, Fei Liu single handedly saves a traveling caravan from bandits, loses a good chunk of Yan Yujin’s money on streetside games, and gets them thrown out of an inn for brawling.
At the end of this week, Yan Yujin and Xiao Jingrui are spiritually exhausted. Their salvation comes in the form of one Lin Chen. The Young Master of Langya Hall finds them in the inn that they relocated to after their Fei Liu-induced eviction.
“Ah, so this is who you ran off with,” Lin Chen comments breezily, waving his fan in front of his chest.
Yan Yujin and Xiao Jingrui bow their greetings, which Lin Chen dismisses as an unnecessary formality.
“You’re coming back with me,” Lin Chen says with a hand gripped on the back of Fei Liu’s robes, who slumps over like a kitten caught by the scruff. “Let me pay for your dinners as thanks for putting up with Fei Liu.”
“There’s no need, Young Master Lin. We were happy to have him,” Xiao Jingrui says.
“Speak for yourself! Fei Liu lost my money two days ago,” Yan Yujin complains.
“It seems that Young Master Yan has spoken, and I owe you both a debt. Let’s eat, and the Jiangzuo Alliance can compensate for your financial loss.”
Lin Chen doesn’t wait for their response. He drags Fei Liu with him to the proprietor of the inn and asks for a table for four downstairs.
“In that case, we thank you for your hospitality,” Xiao Jingrui says as the two of them join Lin Chen and Fei Liu at the recently acquired table.
“It’s the least I could do.” Lin Chen leans back with a sigh and a piercing look at Xiao Jingrui. “Would you mind allowing me to read your pulse?”
“Uh, I suppose not.” Xiao Jingrui presents his wrist to Lin Chen.
Lin Chen takes it in hand and closes his eyes for a long moment before declaring, “You’re in great health. Congratulations.”
“Thank you.” Xiao Jingrui retracts his wrist, flicking his sleeve back into place.
Lin Chen nods slowly. He adopts a faraway gaze and says, “Wherever Changsu’s meddling spirit is these days, I’m sure it’s relieved to know that Young Master Xiao is well.”
Xiao Jingrui opens his mouth and then closes it again. Nothing is said at their table until a server approaches to receive their orders. Yan Yujin wonders when the prodigious shadow of Mei Changsu will stop following the living. By the looks of Xiao Jingyan, Lin Chen, and Fei Liu, it will not be any time soon.
—
They’re in the southwest somewhere, stopping for the night in a scenic lakeside town. The waters are laden in the pink and green of water lilies, and they have been indulging in the fragrant local wine since the afternoon.
It is now well into the night. They sit by the open window, summer breeze upon their faces. Candles lay flickering on the table behind them while the moon glows cooly overhead.
Yan Yujin hums a quiet song, something composed long ago and sung to him before he could properly remember. It is the time and space for dreams.
“Prince Ji shared a story with me a few years ago. He said that my parents were sure that I was a girl and were even discussing my inevitable future betrothal. He wouldn’t tell me who though. Maybe it was you.”
Xiao Jingrui laughs uproariously—no doubt at the mental image of Yan Yujin in a dress, attempting to play the role of a dutiful wife. “Something tells me that you would make for a terrible bride, Yujin. Far more trouble than you’re worth.”
“Probably,” Yan Yujin agrees with an amused huff. “Still, if I were your wife, I could at least follow you to Nanchu or wherever it is you decide to settle next. My father doesn’t truly need a male heir. I would’ve been better served taking care of you than stewing in the murky waters of the capital.”
“What are you on about?” Xiao Jingrui asks. His voice is soft as is his expression even as a faint wrinkle appears between his brows. His wine-logged brain attempts to follow Yan Yujin’s wild thoughts.
Yan Yujin shrugs, chuckling. He’s not entirely sure himself. It is merely that Xiao Jingrui hurts in a way that Yan Yujin, as he is, cannot touch. No matter how much Yan Yujin wishes he could assuage his friend’s wounds.
It’s not as if people of their standing often marry for love anyway. Yan Yujin just wants to take care of Xiao Jingrui, shield his tender heart from a world that seeks to tear these weaker organs apart.
Yan Yujin leans across the space between them, smoothing errant strands of hair from Xiao Jingrui’s face. The night is hazy between the moon and the wine and the candlelight. Xiao Jingrui is barely there, like a dream, like a song heard before you ever existed on this earth.
“In the next life, if I were born a girl, could I stay by your side and take care of you?”
Xiao Jingrui smiles gently and takes Yan Yujin’s hand into his own. He says, “No, I would rather you be Yujin in the next life as well. You take care of me as it is. I have no dearer friend.”
“Neither do I,” Yan Yujin says, and it feels like a grand admission.
Xiao Jingrui turns Yan Yujin’s hand over, running a finger across his lifeline. In the streets below, a cheer erupts from the tavern as a street musician has paused by the terrace long enough to begin a drinking song. The abrupt rowdiness does nothing to disrupt their quiet above.
“Do you remember what I wrote at the end of my last letter to you?”
“Yes.”
“Will you come with me then?”
“Yes.”
A relieved grin makes it across Xiao Jingrui’s face, but it quickly slides into a smirk. “Will you remember any of this conversation tomorrow?”
Yan Yujin laughs, standing up and pulling Xiao Jingrui with him. “I have the important parts. Anything I forget, you can remind me. Now come, there is singing downstairs, and I want a part!”
—
Prior to their departure for Tianquan Manor, they send along a letter requesting the right to visit and receive a clear affirmative. Xiao Jingrui gives Yan Yujin the response to read for himself. It is not effusive in its welcome, but it isn’t cold either. Xiao Jingrui obsesses over its intricacies but can’t keep the nervous, anticipatory smile from his face. It is enough.
When they arrive, Yan Yujin allows Xiao Jingrui to walk ahead of him. Waiting for them in the courtyard is Madame Zhuo, behind her at the threshold of the home is Zhuo Dingfeng—aged beyond his years—Zhuo Qingyao, and a young boy at his side. Xiao Jingrui’s nephew twice-over, whom he has never truly met. Madame Zhuo had been kept in the dark about the extent of her husband and son’s actions on behalf of Xie Yu, and it was said that in her rage she had retreated to her mother’s home for years until she’d finally returned to Tianquan Manor. She stands before them the same austere and vigorous woman that Yan Yujin remembers, unbent and unbowed by the tides of fate that have unwound her family.
“Madame Zhuo,” Xiao Jingrui calls cautiously. His familiar form of address for her choked within his chest.
Madame Zhuo’s countenance crumples as she rushes forward to embrace her son. Her tremulous voice fills the courtyard. “Jingrui. My sweet Jingrui, you’ve returned.”
The rest of the Zhuo family descend upon Xiao Jingrui in a long awaited, partly dreaded reconciliation. It is, beyond all other things, a joyous reunion. The skies above them are blessedly blue with fat, cumulus clouds herded along by the mid-autumn winds as a symphony of laughter and tears fills the courtyard, and Yan Yujin bears witness as Xiao Jingrui’s world is rebuilt.
—
Through the end of his tenure along the Northern borders, on the march back home, in these meandering days with Xiao Jingrui, a letter has accompanied Yan Yujin, often not far from his person.
Yujin,
I miss who I was. I know you are busy fighting in this war, and I should not concern you with such trivial matters, but I’ve heard that the northern front has finally calmed and that it is a matter of time before we receive the surrender terms from Bei Yan. Thus, I hope you have the time to humor me and recognize that there is no one else that I can speak with about this.
I miss who I was in those breezy days of an idle, wandering young master. I know that I cannot go back, none of us can, and I do not necessarily want to be that person again or to live that life, but I miss knowing who I am. There is much uncertainty about my future, as is. Nevertheless, I relish in the joy of being your friend. It brings me solace when very few other roles can these days.
When you come home, will you come traveling with me once more? We can go to Prince Ji’s hot springs and wherever we wish in the jianghu. Like the old days. Perhaps I will even muster the courage to visit Tianquan Manor once more. I know for certain that I would not have the bravery for it without you, at least. Please tell me that you will, Yujin. You remain one of the only certainties in my life.
Yours,
Xiao Jingrui