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Grass crunched beneath Monika’s feet as she walked through the silent night, and with each step she focused on the sound.
She knew where it had come from, a recording of Yuri balling lined paper in her hands in front of a microphone. It had been pitched down, cleaned and adjusted in audio editing software they’d managed to find one day, but if Monika listened closely she thought she could almost hear herself whispering from the corner of the room: “Now.”
As she continued, it became clearer.
Or perhaps it was all in her head.
Monika may have just been crazy. Frankly, she’d be surprised if she wasn’t, at least a little.
But she had been down that path many, many times before, and a much more welcome subject had appeared in her vision.
There, lying spread-eagle in the field, was Sayori.
She had a notebook in her hands and a pen in her mouth, staring up at the great expanse above. As quietly as she could, Monika knelt down next to her.
“Oomf! Mnnika!”
Freeing a hand, she took the pen back in it, giggling softly as Monika did her best to gracefully fall backwards.
“And good evening to you, too.”
That wasn’t cool.
Was she still trying to sound cool?
After all this time?
In front of a girl with drool on her pen?
“Did you guys need me back at home?” Sayori asked. Monika shook her head.
“No, don’t worry. I just wanted to come and check on you.”
“Aww, that’s so nice of you!”
“I know it can be tough when it’s…still like this out here.”
“...I guess you just get used to it.”
Above them, as Monika finally forced herself to acknowledge, the void yawned.
It looked different, at different times and different places, sometimes a roaring sea of light and sound, others a constantly shifting storm, but here and now it was utterly silent. An enormous sea of black, unshifting and unyielding.
Just looking at it brought back memories of being trapped in it.
Lost, paralyzed, broken, blinded, screaming-
She took a deep breath. Sayori, seeming to notice, raised an eyebrow, but Monika shook her head. They continued to lay in silence.
“Do you ever think about what’s out there?” Sayori finally asked.
“...All the time.” Monika replied. “How could I not? It’s…everywhere, you know?”
“I mean…It’s just like space, isn’t it?”
“Space? Like…outer space?”
“Yeah. Like outer space would be if we were, you know…”
Monika snorted. “Real?”
Sayori went silent, and Monika mentally kicked herself for her own bluntness.
“I’m sorry.” Sayori said. “I didn’t mean to bring up something that would make you sad.”
“No, no!” With a huff, Monika pushed herself up on her side, looking down at Sayori with a gentle frown. “You didn’t! Please don’t worry about that, okay?”
Sayori sighed and nodded her head. It didn’t escape Monika’s notice that she didn’t say she would stop, but it felt wrong to push the issue. She carefully settled back onto the ground, watching the great colorless expanse above.
“You want to know something I thought was interesting?” Monika asked.
“Hmm?”
Monika glanced over to find Sayori sitting up, looking at her curiously.
“I read an article the other day about outer space. Why it’s so cold up there.”
“Oh yeah? And why’s that?”
Sheepishly, Monika shrugged. “I, uh, probably won’t get all the details right, but it was something about how everything is so far apart. There are these vast spaces of nothingness, right? No air, no water, no way to transfer heat because the molecules can’t move.”
Sayori blinked. “Wow. That’s…that’s kinda sad, don’t you think?”
Monika crossed her arms. “In a way. Like in a sort of…existential way. That cosmic loneliness, and all.”
“Can I ask something?”
Sayori’s voice was quiet.
“Anything. Isn’t that what I always tell you?”
“...Was that how you felt? Out there?” Sayori began to stammer. “I mean, I know it’s not REALLY space or whatever, but I figured with the way that you said that you were speaking from experience!”
“Sayori…”
“And it’s just that I wanted to know if, uh, if you still felt that way and-”
“Sayori.”
“I didn’t mean to make you remember what it was like to-OOF!”
Sayori yelped slightly as Monika leaned over, seizing her in her arms and pulling them both back to the ground. They lay there now, side by side, Monika’s embrace so tight that each could feel the other’s every move.
Monika giggled.
“You going to listen to me now?”
SIlent, Sayori nodded her head, pinching her fingers as if she was holding a zipper and pulling them across her lips. Monika laughed.
“Dork. Okay, so, to answer your question…yes and no. I can’t say I was…cold, because that would mean I could discern the temperature, and that’s not…really how it worked. If I was cold, I was also hot, and I was everything, all at once. It was a sensory overload, a deprivation, it was…It’s hard to describe.”
Her breathing calmer now (as Monika realized with a jolt she could feel, their bodies pressed so close), Sayori seemed to be mulling over her words. She moved her arms up into an “X” motion, just in front of Monika’s face.
“You can talk now, Sayori.”
Sayori exhaled a loud puff of air.
“Okay. That’s not what I meant, really, is what I wanted to say.”
“Oh?”
“I meant the other part. The “cosmic loneliness”. Do you still feel that way?”
Monika’s response was quick.
“No.”
Sayori narrowed her eyes.
“That was too fast, Moni. Think about it. I won’t get sad.”
Monika thought about it. She really did. She thought about how she had felt on that fateful day an unimaginable time ago, when the horrible truth had been revealed to her. She thought about the things she’d done, and everything that had followed, about lies and mistakes and pain, but also about recovery and honesty and where she was now.
“I think my answer is still no.” She finally said. “Not that I don’t ever get lonely. Not that I don’t worry about how much is really out there, and how significant we really are, and things like that. But I know now that I’m never really…alone, you know?”
Sayori leaned in close enough to rest her head on Monika’s shoulder, nodding encouragingly as she did.
“I’m so glad that’s how you feel.”
And then she kissed her. Lightly, on the cheek.
“And plus…you’ve given me a good idea about how celestial bodies get warmer…they’ve gotta be close!”
They spent the rest of the night drawing stars into an empty sky.