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Nico wasn’t the only one that had lost someone. He used to think he was, that small selfish part of him that thought no one could ever understand what it was like to lose his sister used to be loud. But time changed things, and with it came experience. There wasn’t a single person who had gone through everything he had, but the same could be said of anyone. The dead outnumbered the living, and that made life precious for its rarity.
He turned over in bed and brought his blanket up higher over his shoulder. The Hades cabin probably wasn’t the most welcoming to others, but it was home. He felt safe here. And, if he focused hard enough, he thought he could smell the perfume Bianca kept a small bottle of. He never knew where she got it from, but she’d treasured it. He liked to think it'd been their mom's.
Being at Camp made the holidays easier; Christmas wasn’t really celebrated when a Godly parent made any possible relationship with religion complicated at best.
Nico’d been too young to really have any sort of understanding, but he had vague memories of churches and hymns and incense. Camp was easier, safer. But easy and safe made Nico uncomfortable and he’d never been able to stand staying at Camp long. It was inevitable he snuck out and walked the paths of some city and passed a church where the choir was practicing. It was one of the songs Bianca used to hum when they were little. The casino didn’t really do holidays, or anything that symbolized the passing of time, but before and after? Bianca had hummed this song.
He walked into the shadows of the first dark corner he found and out into Will’s waiting arms.
Nico melted into his boyfriend’s warmth and breathed in the familiar, comforting scent that could only be described as medicinal herbs and sunshine.
“What’s wrong?” Will asked, soothing his hand up and down Nico’s back.
Nico sighed and wrapped his arms around Will’s waist and squeezed as hard as he could. “Nothing really,” he said, keeping his voice low. They were alone, but it felt too vulnerable to risk anyone hearing. “I was walking through a city and passed a church and…I miss Bianca.”
Will made a sound of understanding. He’d lost siblings too. It wasn’t quite the same, but they were Demigods and no strangers to loss.
“Christmas is harder without her,” he whispered.
“Why?” Will asked, still rubbing his back. “What about Christmas?”
This was one of those things that Will’d never understand. He’d been at camp too long, too used to burning offerings and seeing Gods as parents instead of as something Divine.
“It’s a tradition thing,” he said. “Christmas was important growing up. I don’t remember a lot, but…”
“Then why don’t we do something for Christmas?” Will asked, pulling away to look down at him. His eyes were bright and his smile was soft and Nico loved him so much it hurt sometimes.
Nico froze. He hadn’t actually thought…
“Whenever you take us somewhere, there’s always signs and stuff for all sorts of things,” Will continued. “We could go somewhere and see what there is. I’m sure Percy would know of some stuff in New York, but we could go anywhere. What’d you want to do?”
An old memory bubbled up, and the words came out before Nico could second-guess them. “Could we go ice skating?”
Will smiled bright, cheeks literally glowing. “Whatever you want,” he said. “Let’s go!”
An indoor rink on the West Coast didn’t really scream Christmas, but it was the first place Nico thought of. It also felt a little bit safer. He was allowed to laugh at the picture the little kids made as they figured out how to move on ice in their cheesy Christmas sweaters while parents chased them with phones and cameras without feeling the weight of memory pressing down.
What he had failed to consider in the ten seconds he’d given the decision any thought, was that he hadn’t skated before and that his boyfriend radiated heat.
They made it work. Squeezing Will’s hand as tightly as he could and holding onto the wall with his other, they made their way around the rink. Slowly, but surely. Nico refused to fall.
It took a surprising amount of effort to keep himself standing. Every time a kid skated past him at impossible speeds, he was torn between screaming at them for almost running him down and his stubborn streak that refused to show weakness.
Will, somehow, despite having a competitive disadvantage, was better at this.
“This is fun,” Will said after a group of kids who couldn’t be more than ten—he’d never been that small, had he? “Did you used to go skating with Bianca?”
Nico shook his head, biting his lip as he thought back to it. “No,” he said after a moment. “It didn’t get cold enough, but we always wanted to. Bianca thought it looked fun.”
“Is it everything you dreamed it would be?” Will asked, smiling. The hesitant eyes countered the cheer; Will knew there was more under the surface than Nico would ever say. Wil was good at that, knowing him.
He squeezed Will’s hand even tighter instead of answering.
“It’s good to remember, I think,” he said. “I used to only focus on the bad, especially when it came to Bianca.”
Will nodded, but said nothing.
“I want to forget the bad,” Nico admitted. It felt like he was revealing something important despite how obvious it was. “When I think of Bianca, I think of her death and all that came with it. I want to forget that. She deserves to be remembered for the good.”
“I think she’d like that,” Will said.
The warmth from Will’s hand worked its way up his arm and into his heart. Nico felt his cheeks warm, but kept his face forward as they made another circle around the rink.
Even sharing that much with Will, being here with him and letting himself enjoy it, had a bit of the ever-present tension dripping from his shoulders. He stood a bit taller as he grew more comfortable, taking longer strides and loosening his hold on the wall.
“Feeling better?” Will asked.
He nodded, squeezing Will’s hand again instead of saying anything. Will’d understand. He was good like that.
Another turn around the rink had Will raising a brow at him in question and gesturing toward the gate with his free hand. “Wanna take a break?”
Nico nodded and let Will drag him past the concession stand and bathrooms to a dark corner beneath the bleachers. “What are you doing?”
Will reached a hand up to cup the side of his face. “Are you okay, really?”
He felt something in his chest soften and he leaned into Will’s hand, bringing his own up to cover it. “Yeah,” he said. “I’m good. It’s not new, you know.”
“Doesn’t make it easier,” Will insisted. “But really? You’d tell me if you weren’t?”
He wouldn’t. He was getting better at it, but some things…
“I know,” Will whispered. He went up on his toes and pressed a kiss to Nico’s forehead. “I love you, you know.”
Nico felt his cheeks warm again. “I know,” he said. “I love you too.”
He thought he understood why Will found a private spot now. He loved Will, and he knew it was fine at Camp and in New Rome, but there was still a part of him that shied away from anything too romantic where others could see them.
Before he could second-guess himself, he leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to Will’s lips. “Thank you for coming with me.”
“I’ll follow you anywhere,” WIll answered, smiling that small smile that Nico loved so much.
“You never have to.”
Will pushed a piece of hair behind his ear. “I know.”
Nico didn’t know what to say to that, so he settled for saying nothing and hoping Will could sense the emotions threatening to burst from his chest.
He kissed Will again and then dragged him out from under the bleachers back to the rink. “A little bit more on the ice?” he asked, almost tripping with the blade of his skate caught on something on the floor. “And then find something to eat?”
Will steadied him. “Sounds great.”
Clinging onto Will and the wall again, Nico hesitantly stepped onto the ice again. Once he was on it, he was much more confident, but getting there? Completely different story.
He was very grateful for the extra support when someone came skating at him at full speed. He tensed, too aware of the mortals surrounding them to reach for his sword. Sweater-covered arms wrapped around his waist and thick, black curly hair threatened to suffocate him.
“Nico!” Hazel cried out, pulling back to look up at him with shining eyes. “Oh my Gods! I never expected to run into you! What are you doing here? Is everything okay? We can go back and alert camp if you need!”
He settled his hands on her shoulders. Behind her, Frank skated up to join them and lifted his hand in a wave. Nico caught his eyes and nodded.
“There’s no need to alert camp,” he said. “Will and I are just ice skating. Nothing nefarious, I promise.”
If possible, her eyes went even wider. “Oh no,” she said. “Did I just interrupt your date?”
Nico shook his head with a laugh. “No, not really a date,” he said. “More like…a distraction.”
Had anyone else asked, he thought he would have used the easy explanation of a date. Hazel was different though.
“From what?” she asked, brows scrunched together. No one could ever say Hazel wasn’t adorable.
“Memories,” he whispered. “Christmas makes me think of Bianca…”
Hazel’s mouth fell open, but no words came out. He saw nothing but understanding on her face.
“Christmas is weird for me too,” she said. Of course it was. Her mother may not have been the Christian type, but there were some times of the year that were distinct, no matter personal practices. She removed her arms from around her waist and held her hand out between them instead. “Want to try to make it less weird? Together?”
Nico nodded.
“Then let’s go,” she said, smiling wide. She looked back over her shoulder to Frank and Will. “Come on, looks like we’re all here for the same thing. It’ll be fun.”
Somehow, four people was better than two. What had been a quiet comfort with Will quickly became something filled with laughter as Frank skated literal circles around the three of them and Will somehow got roped into racing one of the groups of kids and losing dramatically.
“We can make this a new tradition, you know,” Hazel said, skating up to his side and knocking her shoulder against his. “Actual Christmas can be weird, but new memories aren’t.”
“This is good,” he said, looking between her, the ice, and Will who was skating a bit ahead of them. “I’d like that, a new tradition.”
“Maybe we’ll get matching sweaters,” she said, grinning wide. “We’ll take pictures.”
“Not a chance,” he said, laughing as he shoved her away.
She skated right back to him. “We’ll see,” she said. “I’m told I can be very convincing, and I have an entire year to wear you down.”
“Convincing?” he asked, snorting. “More like annoying.”
Hazel giggled and skated off to find Frank. Will soon took her place and offered his hand. Nico took it.
The rink was playing a Christmas song that came out a bit crackly and could only be half-heard over the sound of skating and everyone talking and laughing, but it was good. Nico smiled to himself.
“Feeling good?” Will asked.
“Yeah,” he answered. He felt warm. Maybe Hazel was right, this could be a good new tradition. “Very.”