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It started with small things.
Alicent didn't notice it at first; she was too busy worrying about Rhaenyra. Her old friend, now her stepdaughter, was becoming a headache that she was really afraid to deal with. Thus she could be forgiven if she wasn't paying much attention to her husband other than regular nightly visits after the birth of her eldest.
It started with subtle suggestions.
"You were given a lot of jewels at our wedding, weren't you, dear? Make sure you wear one of them for tomorrow's feast. You would look beautiful."
"That tapestry doesn't match the rest of the decorations, my dear wife. Your cousin gifted it to you, but wouldn't it look better elsewhere? Maybe you can have a wing in the future where you can display it in all its glory.”
Which evolved to more blatant comments sometime after Aegon was born.
“Really, my dear? Is the symbol of Seven so important to you that you would wear it all the time?”
Which turned into jabs.
“You are married to a Targaryen, Alicent. Stop your pettiness and at least try to show everyone how you have assimilated into our household.”
She was sure that her good brother was behind more of the vicious comments on her appearance, garb, everything. Everything that made her a Hightower was now a sin. She had heard of Targaryens’ hate of Faith, but she was sure that it was just Daemon and Lord Velaryon. Viserys had never shown such inclinations. He was always so mild-mannered even her Father dismissed such rumors. He was sure that her piousness would endear her to the court and win over her spouse to them. She didn’t realize her husband was very careful in showing his displeasure over matters of Faith.
“Good grief brother. I didn’t realize you married an outsider rather than having an outsider marry you.”
The most hurtful thing about that altercation was that Viserys refused to even say a word in her defense against his brother. All she could do now was grit her teeth and sit silently, picking at her dinner while Deamon regaled Rhaenyra with tales of his warmongering inside and outside the Seven Kingdoms.
She felt suffocated in the Red Keep. She couldn’t display her religious affinity beyond what her husband deemed appropriate, she couldn’t wear what she wanted, and she couldn't show any favor to Seven. Viserys was handing more and more household duties to her stepdaughter. She couldn’t even pray in the Keep for Seven’s Sake! It wasn’t outright prohibited, but from servants’ subtle expressions, it was extremely frowned upon. Apparently, the Maesters in the Keep were only tolerated because of their knowledge and the history Citadel contained in Old Town.
"Alicent, I had hoped by now that you would become more used to our traditions and culture. It has been years since our marriage, and everyone here has given you sufficient time to integrate into our home. How much more time do you need?"
That one hurt the most. But apparently, it was nothing compared to Viserys remarking on her ability to raise her son. Her beloved Aegon. How can Viserys assume she was unaware of what her child needed as a Targaryen? She didn't want to affect him with the queer customs of her good family this early. She wanted him to grow up a little bit, to have some semblance of normality before the cruel world could take his innocence.
It all came to a head when she arranged for Maesters to teach her children son. Suffice it to say, her husband wasn't happy. Oh, he didn't scream or shout at her. No, that wasn't how her husband showed his displeasure to her. He was still gentle, speaking to her with the same softness that always confused her whether he really loved her or disliked her. But his actions were harsher than the swing of the blade.
He implied that he wasn't happy with how she was raising their children, educating them in the ways of Seven as a pious woman of her status should do. She grew increasingly desperate as the conversation continued because he was refusing to budge on this issue. He had already arranged for Aegon’s teachers through Rhaenys Targaryen. Alicent stressed that she had been snubbed by Viserys twice, and she could exact revenge through her child, but he wasn't deterred. He went as far as to claim that his cousin would never hurt the children of their house; it was all her paranoia.
Alicent was also stubborn when it came to her children. She wouldn't leave them vulnerable. However, Viserys had enough of that, as he ordered his ever-present Kingsguard to escort the children from her servants and take them to Rhaenyra.
Why was he doing this? Why is he taking her children to her stepdaughter? Eyes blown wide in panic, she inquired from her husband. His answer made her hyperventilate.
“It is clear that you cannot be trusted with the upbringing and education of the future of House Targaryen. Teaching them the way of Seven? Why don’t we kill ourselves before bearing the shame of following false gods? Rhaenyra might be young, but she was taught what was expected of her as a Targaryen before she was heir. I think she would do a much better job raising Aegon and Helaena. Maybe this way, she would also understand her responsibilities as a future queen and a mother."
She screamed, begged, and pleaded. She even promised to keep every single mention of the Faith of Seven away from her children, but Viserys refused to listen. He shook his head and summoned a servant to give her milk of poppy so she could "calm down." And then exited her rooms calmly, like he hadn't destroyed her entire life.
When she woke up from her forced sleep an entire day later, she tried going to the Rhaenyra’s wing to fetch her children. But before she could step in there, the guards stopped her. Then she tried by sending her maid in secret. That was in vain, too. She tried to insert one of her personal maids into the Princess' household. All that resulted in her entire household being fired the same day, from handmaidens to servants to lowly chamber maids. She went to her Father to plead her case. And he tried too, but Viserys banished him to the Old Town, taking away his position as Hand.
After all, she made one last attempt to sway her husband. She went to his bed. At first, he seemed charmed, but it was as if he had forgotten all about it in the morning. It seemed like nothing was going to work. Until finally, there was a ray of hope.
Sevens had blessed her with another child. She was sure that Viserys would let her see her children as the pregnancy progressed. Which came true, as she was allowed to see her beloved prince and princess every three days. Rhaenyra would sit there silently, her face devoid of emotion, keeping an eye on every interaction.
Alicent could take that. As long as the child was born safe and sound, she could get her older children back too. After all, now that Rhaenyra was married, she wouldn’t have time to focus on her siblings instead of her duty to birth an heir, would she?
But it was all for naught. Aemond, some days after his birth, was also handed over to Rhaenyra to be raised. This time, Viserys reminded her that she couldn't be trusted, especially after the spectacle she had made at Crown Princess's wedding. This was surprising to her, as it had been some time since that incident. And even if Viserys showed displeasure to her by banning the color green from the entire capital, he didn't take any action beyond that at the time of incident.
This time, Alicent truly lost it. She threw a fit, screaming at the top of her voice. Her rooms looked like a battle was fought in there. The King confined her to her wing of the Red Keep, citing that she needed some time recovering from birthing fever. But how could she recover? Her children were the only piece of happiness in this wretched marriage. And now, they were in the hands of their enemies.
She contacted her Father secretly. While her communication with her maternal family was not being strictly watched, she still preferred caution. Father told her to wait and then try to charm Viserys again.
She heeded his advice. She grew quiet and stopped any interference in household matters in the Red Keep, the ones that were still in her hands. She hid any signs of her Faith from her living space, no matter how much it hurt her. She stopped praying to Gods out in the open, preferring to do so secretly. She kept her head down.
And then, sometime later, she tried again.
Viserys accepted her into his bed again. She spent the next few days in a similar routine, meeting her children when she was allowed to, and spending the nights with her husband. Aegon had grown up a lot in that time, his pearly white skin glowing in the light. Helaena was still plump, but Alicent was sure that she would grow up to be a beauty.
And her Aemond…
The small baby she wasn't allowed to see for a long time was in her arms again. She teared up when she saw him. But he didn't recognize her. For the entire duration she held him, he fidgeted and squalled repeatedly, searching for another figure with his eyes. If Alicent had a mild dislike of her old friend before the Silk Street debacle, by now, she had a full-blown hatred for her. On top of everything else, she was raising her children with her bastard. How dare she?
So she tried again. It has been some time now, and Viserys had mellowed out a bit, even allowing her a little more time to spend with her children. But this time, fear and paranoia had driven her to the point where she wouldn't realize what she was saying on occasion. In hindsight, she should have been careful. She was surrounded by the King’s faithful servants most of the time, not her Father’s.
Viserys heard her calling his grandson a bastard. He pulled away from her entirely this time, telling her that she would behave herself if she wanted any time with her children.
This time, she was truly incensed. Why was Viserys making her out to be the one in the wrong? She was a lady of high standing, a faithful follower of the Seven. Her septa always taught her to be faithful to her husband and raise her children dedicated to the Seven. The situation has not allowed her to do the latter, but she had done the first task without complaint, hadn't she? Rhaenyra was the one flaunting her whorish ways in front of the entire court.
So she screamed at Viserys. Shouted at the top of her lungs that he couldn't take her children from her. That those three were the only happiness in this wretched marriage. He stood there quietly, watching her throw a fit with a stoic face. When she had grown tired, panting with exertion, he ordered his guards to escort her back to her room. And this time, she went gladly, sparing not another glance towards him.
She was slowly growing insane. The court, at first, was charmed by her demeanor. People were happy that the King had married a true, noble lady, pious to her Gods and dutiful to her family. But now, rumors were running around of her insanity. Somehow, the word got out about how she fought with her husband. And that took away most of the admiration that people held towards her. Her calling Rhaenyra’s children bastard was met with scorn, whereas before, people might have agreed with her. Princes Rhaenys’ mother was a Baratheon, wasn’t she? And Ser Laenor was so attentive to his children, doting on them without any care about who would watch him; there is no way he would accept baseborn children in his house. And if she said that Rhaenyra and her good family were a threat to her children, people laughed outright. Maybe it was the Queen's growing illness. See how she runs around, screaming without any regard for her station. The King must have realized something was wrong with her; that's why he took children away from her and gave them to the Crown Princess. And Princess Rhaenyra also takes good care of them, right? See how bright and dutiful those children were? How could the Realm's Delight commit such heinous acts as the Queen implied?
She was truly insane, they whispered. Her Father must have worked hard to hide her illness.
The more she heard of such rumors, the more she wanted to scream at these people. Thus, such altercations grew common. Which more than confirmed such words. Even men faithful to her Father refused to believe in her concerns. But now, she was truly beyond caring.
In this tug of war, she learned she was with a child again.
At first, she didn't inform anyone out of spite. But as time grew, she realized that she wanted at least one child away from all this madness. Thus, a plan was hatched in utmost secrecy to safely smuggle the youngest Royal baby to Old Town in her Family's care. The child would be the one to defeat the evil of Targaryens, bringing triumph to the Seven. Father had already secreted away a dragon egg; all she needed to do was to be patient.
She stopped going out of her wing, confining herself to her room. Wearing loose gowns with the excuse that she had nothing to do, she could hide the beginning of her baby bump. But time was of the essence, and she had to work fast. If she stayed here any longer, she would be discovered. Father somehow convinced the King to let her go back to her family home. Viserys didn’t agree at first, so Otto stressed that she was growing sick here; maybe a change of scenery would help?
All the preparations were complete. Alicent was sure she would be successful; however, in the end, all their efforts went down the drain. Viserys had somehow discovered the correspondence between her and her Father. And that was the last straw for the King.
Enraged, he ordered her to be confined to her rooms under the direct supervision of appointed healers and maids. Before this, she thought she was a prisoner living in hell. Turns out that that was a paradise compared to her situation right now.
No communications were allowed. All of her privileges were revoked as the Queen. She wasn't even allowed to be anywhere near her children anymore. This time, she was literally a prisoner.
Months passed by without any news from the outside world. She had no way to learn what her Father was doing or how her maternal family was dealing with any lack of communication from her side. Time had no meaning until her baby was born.
Her little Daeron. She wasn’t even allowed to hold him for a moment before he was whisked away to his sister.
Alicent would stay catatonic for the next few days. By the time she became aware of her surroundings, months had passed. She was informed that her Father and entire family were executed before the young prince's birth, along with many Maesters from Citadel, on conspiracy charges against the Crown. No one spoke against this decision because the charges clearly detailed how they had smuggled a dragon egg and were planning to raise a prince of House Targaryen as an enemy against his own family. As for her, now, she was a queen only in name. She was put under strict house arrest, with no possible contact with any outsider. She was truly alone.
Months turned into years. She passed her time staring listlessly at the walls of her room. Her children would have grown up by now, but she had no way of knowing. She was never allowed to venture outside until the news came.
Viserys was dead from rot.
At first, she did not give any reaction. Her tormenter, dead? But then it settled. He was dead.
She threw her head back and laughed for the first time in many years. He died in torment! What a present from her Gods. Maids would later gossip about how she passed out from a laughing fit. But that was not of concern to her anymore.
After all these years, she saw her children again at the funeral. And she couldn’t stop herself from staring.
Aegon and Helaena had grown. She was right; her daughter had shed that plump behind, growing into a true Valyrian beauty. Aegon was no less beautiful than her. In comparison, Aemond towered over them in both height and muscles. He looked like a warrior, handsome and dangerous at the same time. And little Daeron was not so little anymore.
She didn't dare to go to them. What would she say? Should she beg for forgiveness for not protecting them? Or maybe she should hug them, smothering them with love.
Alas, her decision was taken from her when she was informed that she had to return. Preparations for Queen's coronation were in full swing, and there were few guards to keep an eye on her in the open. She was expected to attend, though. She didn’t protest. It was the only chance she would get at making her case. She planned to plead to Rhaenyra to free her from this wretched prison. If she wasn't freed, that was alright. All she needed was her children; she would live in this room as long she was allowed to have them.
Surprisingly, the Queen gave the permission without any complaint. Alicent was free to go anywhere in the Red Keep, provided she was with guards. She was also given permission to visit her children as long as it didn't interrupt their duties.
So she started again. Aegon still had some memories of her, even if they were faint. He was attentive to her, telling her how he would spend his days. Helaena was more difficult to reconnect with, with her strange demeanor and glassy eyes. She would only come alive when she was talking about her betrothed, the now crown Prince Jacaerys. But Aemond and Daeron would not talk to her, no matter how much she pleaded. Daeron would not even bother to attend to her most of the time. And Aemond would always glower at her whenever she was with either of her eldest.
The behavior of her two youngest threw her into despair again. The paranoia returned with a vengeance, whispering to her how she and her children were in danger. Surely, someone has turned them against her. So she tried once again.
She tried convincing Aegon to rebel. He grew uncomfortable whenever she said something like that, but she wasn’t to be deterred. She continued whispering poison into his ears. He and his siblings would die at the hands of his older sister sooner or later. He should take back what is rightfully his before such a thing could pass. That he should poison her.
Aegon would always steer away from the conversation to another topic. He hadn't informed anyone of what she was saying to him, which is why it took so long for something to grow wrong.
She attacked Prince Lucerys in one of her fits. He wasn’t harmed, but her poor son Aemond lost his eye while protecting his beloved nephew. Which was more than enough for Aegon and all of her children.
She was confined back to her room without further delay. This time, there was more comfort, but all of her children refused to do anything to her. She knew that because Rhaenyra had come to inform her of this decision.
That was the last time Alicent ever tried to fight against her impending insanity. Before, she at least had the hope of reuniting with her children, but now that was taken from her too. She was truly alone now.
She cursed the day she listened to her Father and went to the old King. She wept when she remembered how hopeful she was on the day of her marriage, how she used to take petty amusement in stepping on Rhaenyra, proving herself to be a contrast to the spoiled princess as a truly noble, pious highborn lady. If only she hadn't done that. If only she had kept her mouth shut when it came to the accursed Faith of the Seven. If only she hadn't married Viserys. If only she hadn't listened to her Father.
If only….