Work Text:
Raphael was avoiding his counterpart. Not because he hated him or something. He didn't understand why he was doing it, to be honest, he probably looked like a jerk. He certainly felt like one.
He would get this feeling sometimes, the feeling that something is wrong, a gut feeling of sorts. May it be when they're out on patrol or just something felt off about one of his brothers.
Those were situations he understood like the back of his hand. He could easily help his brothers. While he wasn't always sure what to say, being there as a shoulder to cry on for his brothers was the best thing sometimes. And in turn, he would get that support to get his anger out, via training or sparring matches (he would mostly spar with Leo because his older brother could take his angry punches. Not to say his younger siblings are weak, just that he didn't want them to get hurt because of him).
Getting a gut feeling, or as his brothers call it, 'The Raph Tingle', on patrols was also a very frequent thing. It was normally some petty criminal stuff, on the odd occasion, it would be the foot, but they mostly died down after the Winter's ordeal. Anyway, the gut feeling was normally easy to figure out the issue causing the feeling, this time however, was not a gut feeling he couldn't decipher.
There was some kind of energy that was haunting his counterpart, and he couldn't put a finger on what it was. It was all so familiar, yet so vastly unrecognisable.
It was an old habit of his, but he locked himself away and 'slept' to avoid his counterpart, well it was mostly to think, but he slept mostly during the day. Seeing as he was up guarding his brothers at night. This was more to help keep himself from panicking, after the events of Leo's kidnapping, he constantly felt like if he looked away for a second, one of his brothers would be stolen from him. He would never forgive himself if that happened again.
Raphael would also sometimes observe the two families interact from the second floor when he wasn't 'sleeping'.
From his observations, his counterpart was a relatively calm guy, he was nice and kind. If it weren't for the twin sais and his red mask, Raphael wouldn't think they were counterparts. Not to say they were that vastly different, he'd think the big guy was some weird big Leonardo. From the way Raph seemed to lead the group, it was evident he had, or is still, the leader for this batch of turtles. However, most of their plans and orders came from Leo, so he leaned towards the possibility Raph had led the team. Understandable, the dude was, and he quotes, 'the biggest and oldest'.
It was strange. The whole situation was strange, but his counterpart was a whole different kind of strange. There was one thing that wasn't strange, however, and it was the fact his counterpart was angry. Though he never expressed it, Raphael could tell that his younger counterpart kept a lid on his anger. He would watch Raphs brothers get on his nerves, he saw the way his eye twitched at times, but the big guy just never got outwardly angry. It was bothersome sometimes. There were times when Raph should have let off a bit of anger, like when Leo and Mikey disappeared for 2 hours, and they didn't think to tell anyone (They called April, and she explained that CJ had invited the two to hang out at April and Casey's apartment).
All Raph did was sigh and quietly tell them 'It's fine' and 'at least you're okay', before disappearing into the room they were occupying.
He would have gotten angry, it would have purely been out of concern, but it's a logical response to your brother's disappearance. Maybe he was wrong about that, maybe that's just how Raph handled those situations. The big guy, however, did look mortified when he couldn't find his younger brothers, so he'd imagine that he was suppressing some of his feelings.
Raphael's brothers knew he was avoiding his younger counterpart, and Leonardo asked about it one night. He was brutally honest with Leonardo, he disliked his counterpart. He disliked how much he restrained himself. He disliked how his counterpart kept a lid on it, how he let it bubble up but never did anything. He disliked how he didn't do anything when he was angry. It pissed him off much more than it should. He didn't hate Raph, he made that very clear, he just disliked how he handled things. Leonardo told Raphael to talk to his counterpart and ask the questions that burned his frustrated mind. From the way Leonardo quickly gave his advice, Raphael could tell that his older brother knew something about Raphael's counterpart that he didn't. It was bothering him, but he didn't ask. Probably a secret between the eldest brothers.
Besides, he knew Leonardo was right.
Raphael was a bit pissy about it, but he didn't say anything after that. Leonardo left the room without another word, leaving Raphael to swim around his ocean of thoughts. It was now just a matter of, when are both of them going to be able to be alone in a room together.
It's like the gods above heard him, because a day later, as he walked out of his room, Raph was alone and in the kitchen. Before Raphael even thought to say anything, Raph turned around and smiled.
"Hey, Raphael!"
He gulped. How had he known he was there? He was normally very quiet when he was coming out of his room. Did he just know he would be out at this time? Or does he just have good hearing? Raphael hesitantly jumped off the railing and landed on the concrete floor.
"Uh…sup."
Raph gestured to him to come over. Raphael hesitated again, was he ready to talk to him? Raph could probably rip his head off if it got angry. He was way bigger than him, and Raphael wasn't the biggest fan of that.
"I was just about to go and get you. I wanted to talk to you about something."
Raphael's palms began to sweat as he avoided eye contact. The fact he was nervous about a small confrontation shows how he has been dreading this conversation with his counterpart. He muttered a string of curses to himself before looking back at Raph,
"What did ya need to talk about?"
Raph smiled back at him. Before Raph said anything, he turned around to face the kitchen sink, then came the sound of water running. Raphael stared in confusion. The sound of clinking glass came from his counterpart, and the confusion only doubled. Why was he doing the dishes?
Raph turned back to him, "Before we talk, I'd like it if you'd help me do the dishes. I find it rather relaxing."
The word 'relaxing' felt meaningless in context right now, doing the dishes with his younger self would be anything but relaxing. The room was silent for a minute, the only sounds being the arcade games and water flowing. It was killing Raphael but didn't say anything, rather, he just walked over to Raph and stood there. Raph didn't say anything either, he handed him a dish he had just cleaned. Raphael grabbed a hand towel and began drying plates, cups, bowls, etc.
It was quiet between the two. Raph hummed to himself while Raphael zoned out, his thoughts stuck on what he was going to say. How can he say 'I dislike you' in the nicest way possible?
"I don't think you like me very much, Raphael."
Raphael snapped his head to look at Raph. He was smiling sadly, "I understand your caution towards me. I'm a big alligator snapping turtle who's from another universe. To be honest, I'm on edge, too."
Raph shrugged, turning to face a now conflicted Raphael. He didn't know what to say or do. Was he supposed to apologise for something? Hug it out? No, no, he would rather do the latter.
"This whole situation is confusing," Raphael muttered. Raph nodded his head, he went back to scrubbing at a plate. Raphael took in Ralph's appearance. He hadn't noticed the hole in the top left of his shell. He didn't know how he missed such a thing, but it was a sad sight. This kid wasn't an adult yet and was already sustaining horrid scars. The scar on the kid's eye was horrifying too. He had heard that he was a little blind in that eye. Raph passed him the plate he was cleaning.
"Yeah, my scars are a sight to see, huh?" Raph laughed morosely. There was a story behind every scar, Raphael didn't know if he wanted to hear it. Normally he would be asking all about scars someone had, but it felt wrong to ask. Raph pointed at a scar on his plastron,
"How did you get that one?"
Raphael was shocked a bit at the question and pondered about it.
"I think I got it from that fight with Leo-uh my Leo- a few months back."
"Was it a training accident or?"
"Real fight. We were taking kill shots."
Raphael didn't mean to sound so blunt. Raph replied with a shaky oh . It went quiet again. Raph muttered another question,
"Why were you fighting?"
Raphael sighed, "Do you want a brief or some detailed description?"
"Whatever you feel comfortable with"
Raphael sighed, turning to dry off a cup. It takes a second for him to start retelling the events of that rainy night.
Avoiding his big brother was a challenge once he locked eyes with him. No amount of running could get the turtle in blue to stop the chase, and Raphael was not feeling a confrontation right now. As he went flying into the air, he felt someone grab him mid-jump. Both of them crashed through a neon light. He barely grabbed the fire escape before scrambling up the ladder. He looked down to see a green and blue blur climbing after him. He cursed under his breath.
Raphael rushed across the rooftops, jumping from roof to roof, desperate to escape his older brother. The funny thing is, Leonardo didn't even know it was him under the helmet. He didn't know how he hadn't connected the dots, but he was very glad he hadn't. He had made it to the end of the block, almost jumping to the next building, before he realised that there wasn't the next building. Realising he was cornered, he cursed under his breath. There was no way out of this, huh?
He clenched his fists as footsteps sounded from behind him.
Here goes nothing. He turned his head just enough to side-glance at his brother.
"I want you to know that I appreciate your intentions,"
Raphael sighed and turned to fully face Leonardo. He felt his eye twitch,
"but you can't change the world like this."
He blinked, he was utterly dumbfounded. Whatever Leonardo was saying, he was blocking it out, "Is he kidding? He's lecturing"
The rain sounded so loud from inside his helmet, wait, when did it start raining? He watched Leonardo walk slowly across the rooftop. Why is he lecturing this guy he doesn't know? He zoned back into whatever nonsense his big brother was spouting.
"So I'm gonna give you one chance to just walk away and stop this vigilante nonsense."
Thunder sounded from above. The stare Leonardo was giving wasn't new to Raphael, it was a glare that told someone he wasn't kidding. He was dead serious about this, and it was amusing to him. He grinned, muttering to himself,
"Okay, Leo, time to teach you a lesson."
"And he decked my ass." Raphael jokes. He looked up to see the slight shock on his face.
"Hey, don't look so shocked yet. There's more." His smile dropped, "It gets worse."
"Raph?...what?"
He turned his head, an infuriated look plastered on his face. He swung his leg, effectively sending Leonardo flying into a roof vent. A loud crash sounded as Leonardo crashed into the vent.
"You are so smug, y'know that?"
The anger burning in his chest was finally being released.
"You think the whole world revolves around you, don't you?"
“There is no going back now,” he thought.
"That we couldn't possibly survive without the mighty and powerful Leonardo to guide us through our problems, huh?"
His older brother wiped his mouth, spitting out what he'd assume was blood. He watched Leonardo furrowed his brow.
"Well I got a newsflash for ya," he took a breath, "we got along just fine without you ."
Without their leader. Without their older brother. Leonardo was gone for two years, and yet he doesn't seem to get that he can't come back and intrude into their lives, expecting them to just listen to him, to give him the respect he lost a year ago. He lost that respect when he stopped sending letters when no one knew if he was okay.
If he was alive .
"Oh, and this qualifies as just fine?"
Leonardo's face morphed into pure anger. "Dressing up like it's Halloween every night? Risking the safety of our family ?" Leo threw his hands up, "I mean, come on, what were you thinking?!"
"Don't push it, Leo. You can't leave home and come back expecting us to fall in line again, like your little soldiers."
Every word that spilled from his mouth was laced with bitterness and anger. At this point, he didn't regret a single word.
"Hey, I was training! Training to be a better leader, for you !" Leonardo huffed, "Why do you hate me for that?"
"And whoever said I wanted to be led?!" Raphael gestured his arms open frustratingly. He shoved his thumb into this chest, "I'm better off calling my own shots" he pointed at his brother, "Now get used to it."
He spat that last part out. Leonardo was great at adapting to change, so Raphael wanting to work alone shouldn't be too hard for his older brother's stubborn ass.
"You aren't ready ", Leonardo looked like he was about to rip someone's head open, "You're impatient and hot-tempered " his brother took a quick breath, and Raphael could feel the pure anger in his words.
"And more importantly… I'm better than you ."
Raphael laughed, "Oh you know something big brother? I'd have to disagree with you on that one." He pulled his twin sais out, spinning one before standing in an offensive position. If it's a fight his older brother wants, it's a fight he'll get.
Leonardo shook his head, "Don't do this, Raph."
His decision was final, "I'm done taking orders."
Leonardo sighed, drawing his twin katanas from their sheaths.
"Well, what happened after that?"
Raphael sighed, stretching his arms, "What do you think happened?"
Raph looked down at the now-empty sink, his brows furrowed. Raphael hummed, turning away from the sink to lean on the counter. The two of them stayed like that for a few minutes, both lost in their thoughts. In all honesty, Raphael was hoping that his younger counterpart would open up to him, and share a story about one of his scars. It wasn’t difficult to tell the stories of his scars, he had accepted that they would forever be a part of him, that they were stories that shaped him into who he was today. He understood how it could be difficult for others, hell, Leonardo couldn’t speak about their argument and the scars on his arms for a few months. He would joke about it, but Leonardo couldn’t escape the watchful eye of his brother in red. Raphael knew his older brother felt bad about the situation. He caught him silently crying at late hours of the night. He would never tell anyone, he wasn’t even supposed to see his leader at his weakest, that was a private thing he accidentally intruded into. Leonardo probably knew he was standing at his door, but neither mentioned it to the other, it was something to be left unspoken about.
"We were going to go and retrieve an artefact that was actually a key to another dimension and whatnot when we had to retreat."
Raphael stayed quiet.
"We couldn't get the key, the Kraang took our powers. We couldn't do anything ." Raph took a shaky breath, "I told Leo to back down, but he… he wanted to make up for his mistake of losing the key in the first place. So he…" He trailed off, taking a few seconds to recollect his thoughts.
"He tried to save the day." Raphael finished.
Raph nodded, "Yeah…he went off and got the key." Raph's eyes seem to get duller, "But, he didn't have an escape plan…he would have been killed. So I dashed in and…" he glanced at the hole in his shell.
Raphael bit the inside of his mouth, he didn't know what to say.
"It hurt, a lot, but I would do anything to protect my brothers. Even if it meant dying in the process."
Raphael understood completely. He'd tear the world apart for his brothers. Even on his bad days, his brothers knew that he would push through and stand by their side. His brothers meant everything to him, and that was something he and Raph would agree on.
Raphael elbowed Raphs arm, "Hey, y'know, I get it, you would do anything for your brother. I think we both are on the same page for that one."
Raph nodded, "Glad we agree on something." Raph smiled, his toothy grin making Raphael smile as well. Though, he felt his smile drop after a few seconds. He felt all the questions he wanted to ask were too inappropriate for this kind of conversation they were having. He didn't want to ruin this mutual understanding they had going on at the moment, but the questions burned to the back of his mind.
"Hey, big me, you okay?" Raph placed a hand on the older shoulder, a face full of concern staring at Raphael. Raphael frowned,
"I wanted to ask some questions, but it's way too inappropriate now, considering we both shared some sad shit."
Raph grimaced, "You don't have to walk around on eggshells around me. Raph can take it." He pointed at himself with a smile on his face.
Raphael took a second before shooting out one of his questions, "Are you an angry guy?"
Raph slowly blinked, a confused expression on his face, "Elaborate?"
"You seem to," he smacked his knees, "y'know… keep a lid on it ."
The atmosphere of the conversation quickly changed. Raphael felt a shiver down his spine and tilted his head just enough to catch a glance at his counterpart. Raph's face was riddled with emotions, it put him off.
"You alright?"
Raph eyed Raphael and nodded instantly, "Yeah…yeah…just uh" he clicked his tongue, "thinking of something."
Raphael frowned, "Want to share with the class?"
Raph lightly chuckled, "Just uh…just an argument between me and D when we were tots."
Raphael nodded, muttering out an ah in understatement. He and Donatello weren't the closest as kids, in fact, they fought a lot more than Leonardo and Raph ever did as children (they were a lot closer due to being the eldests and wanting to be the cool big brothers). Donatello and Raphael just couldn't agree with each other, the brain vs brawn type of situation. They slowly grew closer as the years went on, coming to a mutual agreement that they thought differently, and they couldn't do anything about it.
However, when Leonardo left, their relationship shattered. Donatello was handling both Michelangelo and a job at the same time, alone. That's one of the many things he regrets, not being there for Donatello. He was quite upset at Leonardo for leaving, but this was before his older brother cut contact. Once Leonardo didn't return home, and stopped sending letters, him and his brothers spiralled. This caused Donatello to break down under the seemingly more intense pressure. Raphael was more pissed off, snapping at Donatello more often, which caused an influx of arguments. Michelangelo slowly became sadder each passing day, which Donatello took it on himself to keep his spirits high.
Raphael could have helped. Could have repressed his bitterness just to help Donatello in some way, that being taking care of Michelangelo or getting a job himself, but no. No, he had to hide himself away and only come out to run around the city, stopping petty robbers and teasing crooks, just so he could feel some happiness in the darkening world.
Raph turned and sank to the floor, a thump sounding as he landed, "It was a silly argument."
Raphael slowly sank to the ground, "It always seems to be the dumb arguments, huh?"
Raph nodded, "Yeah…it was some dumb argument over a cookie. Donnie ate the last one after I called dibs." Raphael snorted.
Raph nudged his arm playfully, continuing the story, "I got upset, and I just kinda snapped."
"Guess it was a crappy day?"
"No…well yeah, but I just was a lot more snappy back then…literally and metaphorically." He pointed to his snout. Raphael mouthed an oh .
"Yeah so…I just got angry and bubbled over, turned into a screaming match." Raph's eyes saddened, "We both said some things, then Donnie ended the argument with the phrase ya said earlier."
"Why can't you just keep a lid on it, Raphie?! Why are you always so angry at everything?! Why do you always have to be angry?!"
Little Raph felt his heart shattered. He stood there, sobbing silently. Why was he always so angry? He had everything and yet, he was just so angry at the world. Why did he react to everything? Why did he snap at everyone for nothing? What was wrong with him?
Little Donnie stared Raph down, angry tears falling down his small face. He looked so angry and so scared. Raph turned to his other brothers, who were hiding behind the kitchen counter. They looked so scared. Scared of him? Little Mikey was holding the corner of Leo's shirt, hiding his face in it. Leo was trying to put a brave face on, but Raph saw his quivering beak, saw the tears threatening to fall over.
He looked between the two, the guilt overwhelming him.
"I…" he sniffled, his voice croaking as he spoke, "I'm sorry!" he sobbed as he bolted out the door.
I'm the worst big brother
Raphael felt his heart shatter. The more they shared their stories, the more he realised how much the two had in common. It was scary.
"Donnie didn't mean any of it…I hope. He was just-"
"Letting his emotions get the better of him?"
Raph nodded, "What you say in the moment isn't always how you truly feel, or maybe it is. I say things I regret when I'm upset, all the time." Raph sighed, "You're so worked up that everything spills out."
Raphael nodded. Another relatable thing he added to his imaginary list (that was a joke-).
"Me and my Donnie thought so similarly, yet very differently. We butted heads constantly as kids, it was a surprise that we eventually had a stable relationship."
"I'm guessing, this is all until Leonardo left…huh?"
Raphael nodded, "Yeah… What a guess, how did ya get it?" He joked.
Raph shrugged, a smile on his lips, "Lucky guess."
A few moments passed before Raphael continued, "I did and said a lot of things I regret. Donnie and I weren't always on the same level, yet we worked perfectly. I wish I had spent more time helping him.
"He had so much on his plate that it reminded me of Leonardo way too much. It was more pettiness that got the best of me." He chuckled, "Can't believe I'm actually confessing this shit… y'know I love my brothers, but I'd never tell them the stuff I'm telling you." He leaned his head against the cupboard door, "Casey is the one who I tell normally, man's got issues too, so we talk about it. I just feel I can trust him more, more than my brothers, more than Master Splinter.
Heck, I'm trusting you with my deep emotional crap, must say something about how I feel about ya." He nudged Raph's leg playfully. He turned to look at the younger to find him staring back at him. Raphael's eyes softened,
"You're a good kid, man I sound old, but seriously kid, I trust you."
"I know, and I'm glad" Raph smiled warmly, a lingering sadness in his eyes. Raph looked away for a second, recollecting himself, before looking back. "I think you're really cool, Raphael! I was honestly quite upset at how you hid from me, like I was a threat…" Raphael felt a hint of guilt, "But I completely understand where you were coming from. My brothers do something similar, mostly Leo, but when there's someone new in the lair, they either stand there and watch them like a hawk, or they hide away."
Raphael nodded, "Sounds exactly like me."
Raph smiled, hooking his arm around Raphael's neck and giving him a noogie. Playful protests came from the older, as Raph cackled. Raphael managed to pull himself out of Raphs grasp before grinning wickedly.
"Two can play that game, Red!"
Raphael tackled Raphs neck, attempting to pull the younger's head under his armpit. Raph struggles to stand up as Raphael dangles from his neck. Raphael grabs one of his counterparts' spikes, helping him pull himself across and over to sit on top of Raph's shoulders. Raph struggles to grab the older as Raphael deflects the incoming hands. Raphael grabs Raph's head and gives him his big brother noogie. Protests and laughter erupted from Raph as he attempted to pull Raphael off his shoulders. Their shared laughter filled their hearts, an understanding shared between the red masked turtles had finally bloomed.