Chapter Text
I laid on top of Payakan’s back, staring up into the vast and dark night sky.
A thousand thoughts raced through my head at once, all of them screaming for attention.
The stars were bright and shining that night, they reflected off of the water. It was quiet enough for me to hear my own heart beat. It was peaceful, as if Eywa herself had dedicated that spot to me.
Payakan made a guttural noise. I understood it was time to head back home, I had been there for hours, missing curfew by maybe 30 minutes or so.
I signed a goodbye to Payakan and dived underwater to attach to my Ilu. I held on for dear life as my ilu shot through the water. The water lit up as I rode back to the Metkayina Clans village.
I had spent a lot of time with Payakan today. No words passed between us, but Payakan could feel the my sadness ricocheting through my head. Time with Payakan was time spent at peace, and I needed lots of peace.
On the ride back to the village, I thought about my family. Kiri, poor little Tuk, mother, father… How they must feel. I was, in my head, the reason my brother didn’t survive.
…
When I arrived on the shore, I looked around and only found a few children frolicking on the sand. I listened to their playful shouts and screams as they chased each other in the water and on the sand.
I snapped back to reality when I realised my family was probably worried sick. I began running to the housing area tripping on the sand a little bit as I sped to his new pod like home.
I peeped in through the opening of the pod.
Situated around a fire sat my tight knit family, eating what seemed to be an aquatic fruit.
“Mom this one has a worm in it!” Squeaked Tuk, she threw the fruit across the room and stuck her tongue out. Kiri giggled and picked up the fruit to inspect the worm creature. She swirled her finger around it, the worm followed her finger.
“Eat your food Kiri.” My mother scolded. My mother was leaning against my fathers shoulder as they ate, occasionally wiping stray fruit off of his lips. Kiri grabbed another fruit from the pile and took a large bite out of it.
Kiri always wasn’t one for eating animals very often, she didn’t like the idea of taking away life from an innocent being even though my father had reassured her many times that the animals are killed properly.
My dad had a concerned look on his face, I recall staring at his face intently, trying to work out what could be on his mind.
“MaJake, what bothers you?” My mother cupped his jaw and looked softly into his eyes. He made eye contact with her and faintly smiled. “Just thinking.” They have something special with each other, love. True love. Something I’ll never find.
My feet were glued to the floor, I couldn’t bring myself to face my family. But I had to force myself to take one step in front of the other into the room. Everybody’s eyes were on me. Judging me.
“Where were you, boy?” My father didn’t even look me in the eye, he just kept on eating.
“I… Was with Payakan Sir.” My voice cracked. He didn’t scold me or anything, he didn’t even say anything. He just… sat there in dissapoinment.
The whole family went quiet as soon as I had entered, like their conversation wasn’t good enough for me. I sat between Kiri and Tuk. Tuk handed me a fruit soon after I sat. I took a bite of the mystery fruit and a bitter-sweet taste covered my tongue. It was unlike anything we had back in the forest.
Kiri nudged me to get my attention, I turned my head towards her. She leaned in to my ear and whispered to me. “Bro, Dads going to whip your ass.” She giggled slightly.
My eyes widened “Liar” I whisper-shouted back. “He was literally fuming when you weren’t back at eclipse.” She cupped her hands over my ear to not let out parents hear. “He’s pissed” She dragged on the S.
I rolled my eyes and leaned my head back “Fuck.” I muttered under my breath.
“Is everybody done eating?” Dad inquired. I looked around and everybody seemed to be content with the amount they had ate. Dad noticed this too and looked me straight in the eye.
“Lo’ak can I see you outside?” He stood up and made his way out the door. “Good luck. You’ll need it.” Kiri pat me on the back. “Shut up, Kiri.” I scoffed while she laughed at my situation.
I walked outside to see my dad sat on the edge of the path, his legs hanging off of the edge, a few meters above the water. I plopped down next to him cautiously. He didn’t say anything for a few minutes, he just sat and watched the ocean.
“Kid.” He glanced at me. I flinched, getting ready for a heavy berating. “How many times have I told you not to go past the reef? Especially not after eclipse, and not to visit that outcast?” I avoided his eye contact.
“He isn’t supposed to be an outcast, it wasn’t his fault.” I argued.
“Look at me, Lo’ak.” He demanded. I slowly turned my head to him. “I’ve told you countless times to not go past the reef, and to get home on time and so much more. And you, for some reason, can never follow my instructions.” He didn’t shout, he was actually almost whispering.
“You have brought shame to this family, Lo’ak.” He paused. “I need you to follow my every instruction exactly or I won’t allow you to go out without my supervision.”
“That’s not fair, what about kiri? And w—“ He shushed me. “I don’t want to hear it.” And just like that he got up and went back inside like nothing. I sat there for a while, just thinking about how it wasn’t fair, how I couldn’t ever be the perfect son in his eyes.
Kiri didn't miss a beat when she sat down next to me and put her hand on my back. “You okay?” She pursed her lips.
“Its whatever.” I crossed my arms.
“I think you should just follow his instructions, it might get him off your back.” I rolled my eyes. “He always finds a way.”
...
We had run out of things to talk about so we sat there in a peaceful silence. Kiri and I sat there for a few minutes, I could see her open her mouth a few times, deciding on either or not she should say something. But She had said enough.
She swung her feet above the water. Hundreds of glowing fish began swimming around her legs, seemingly copying her motions. They moved captivatingly, flowing through the water with no clear direction.
“What are those?” I asked, unable to keep my eyes off of them. She continued swinging her legs.
“Eywa.” She smiled a faint smile. I furrowed my brows and tilted my head in a confused manor.
Kiri gestured to the fish. “Just watch. Don’t ask.” And so I did, I took in the sight of them, they glowed brightly alongside the fluorescent plants below, as if the ocean was purely made of light.
Our ogling was interrupted by our dad, who was carrying a half asleep Tuk in his arms, announcing it was time to sleep.
I swung my feet through the air, peering into the ocean for the last time that night.
I rolled out my sleeping mat and laid down on it. I was used to the hammocks we had back home. In the forest where I belonged.
I kind of just laid there with no intentions of sleeping for a few minutes, I shut my eyes and tried to force myself to go to sleep.
After a few minutes of tossing and turning, I finally got my body to rest in a comfortable position and I soon after drifted off into a dream world.