Chapter Text
Heavy breaths coming from them are the only source of sound that can be heard. It's the only implication that there are people there. No one can see the clothes carelessly dumped on the floor with the earlier eagerness of the two occupants in that room. The bottle of cold and sticky substance dumped carelessly somewhere on the bed. The blanket and pillows disorganized on where they're currently laying on.
Jisung can feel how disgusting his body is. How dirty he feels outside and on the inside. He wants to get up and wash it all up. Clean every corner of his body until it's red and numb that blo—just to forget it all. But he couldn't.
He's too tired. Tired to move. To think. His body's too strained to even blink his eyes open and he knows his company does too. He doesn't dare to face him though. Not yet.
He aimlessly stared at the ceiling trying to figure out what to do next. How it came to this when he has been planning to ask him his question in the first place. He doesn't know where to start now. Doesn't even know how to face him.
It's been a while since they've seen each other and he promised himself that he'll tell him when they see each other again. But when he recieved a text saying, "Meet @ 7?", he couldn't help but feel excited.
He contacted me first was the first thought that came to his mind.
When seven arrived, he wore his usual clothes. Loose gray slacks and a white button down shirt tucked in to emphasize his waist. He added some pearl accessories to add his personality to it. Not too casual but not to sexy either. He had important things to do.
Minho picked him up at his apartment wearing my his favorite black leather jacket with a simple white shirt underneath it, with a matching leather pants that hugs his thighs just right. It's his get-up that says I'll fuck you until you forget how to walk.
And it gets me everytime.
He takes Jisung to dinner first. Went to their favorite sashimi place near his apartment. Minho lead all the talking. He was the one who talked most of the time they were eating. Updating him for the times they haven't seen each other. Filling out the silence between them that Jisung usually do. If he noticed it, he didn't mention it.
Right, I'm just here for a good fuck.
All his plans for tonight was thrown out the window as they got to the hotel. Minho already booked a room and instantly pulled him inside the elevator. He wanted to say something. To stop here before he lost control of himself to him, again.
But the way he had his hand tightly gripping his arm makes him light headed. Something aching inside him saying not to resist. To have more and to give moremoremoremoremore–until nothings left of him. He couldn't help but let out a small whimper. He didn't know if it was from pain or pleasure, but it could be from both.
He was so focused on the tight grip on his arm that he didn't noticed the elevator had already stopped and Minho was once again pulling him. He was tripping on his own feet and the ping of the key card brought him back to reality. They're here.
"Minho wait! I have some--"
He wasn't even finish talking when he was pushed against the door and there were lips on his, forcing his tongue inside his mouth. He allowed it and breathed out moans that he didn't mean to let out.
There were hands all over his body. The heat and desire that's been missing from him was all back in full force. His hot breath on his skin. His soothing voice calling Jisung pretty names that he longed for in contrast of his rough hands on his body. The silent desperation from both of them in the form of not separating their bodies though they're probably knocking everything along their way. It doesn't matter because all they can think about was them in that moment and nothing else.
He thought he could finally say no. That he could endure it. Oh how wrong was he.
He let him take over. Became pliant as he manhandled him in every position he like. He could only take it. And he wants to take it. Take and take and take. Until there's nothing to take. Until all he could remember was screaming his name over and over again. Couldn't think about anything but MinhoMinhoMinho. My Minho. Not his Minho.
Jisung took a long breath. He needs to say it. He couldn't do this forever. Couldn't do this to himself. And more importantly, he couldn't do this to his hyung. To Minho. Not anymore.
His hands are sweating and it's trembling a bit. His head is starting to form beads of sweat as he save up his energy to talk. He already got a clue on what his answer will be but he's nothing but stupid. He's still hoping that it changed. Like, somewhere along the way, he has learnt to forget about him.
"Minho..?" Jisung called out to him.
Minho made no movements from where he was staring up the ceiling, seemingly deep in thoughts but hummed in response. They're lying next to each other on a queen sized bed that's big enough for both of them, yet, there's barely any space between their bodies. So close that if Minho dared to turn his face to him, the tip of their noses would touch. So close that if Minho listens very carefully, he might hear his heart pounding so loudly inside his chest. Maybe he does.
Appreciating his hyung's ethereal beauty isn't new to Jisung. The moonlight that's coming from the peeks of the curtains emphasizes the lines and structure of his face. His eyes hazed, deep brown cat-like eyes that can drown you with emotions you never knew you could feel. His perfect nose that became more sharp as the light from the moon creates a shadow that falls to his rosy cheeks. The tiny mole that adds to his hyung's character. Making him more special than he already is. Or maybe he's just biased. His flushed ears whenever he's flustered. His tiny hands that fits perfectly into his.
He reached out to hold Minho's cheek and turn his hyung to him. His thumb gently caressing his lower lip. Red plumped lips that are currently bruised from their recent activity but it just makes him want to kiss him one more time. Whenever he sees those lips, he can't seem to pull away from it. It's so intoxicating that it will make you want to come back for more.
He looked at his face again, retrieving his hand from where it laid. He didn't noticed that Minho was already looking at him. Minho's gaze never left his eyes as if trying to read what the latter was thinking. Jisung tries to box in his emotions. To hide his plea, his desperation. To hide the fact that he wants more than what they have right now. That he's so tired of waiting, if there's anything to wait for, that is.
But Minho looks at him like he always do. With pity. Sadness, like he knows the conflict he's inflicted onto him. And maybe a little bit of love? No, it can't be.
He let out a sigh and find courage to ask him the question he's been trying to ask but afraid to because it might break him. Will break him more. He's already broken enough.
This is the last time I'm going to hurt myself
"I--would you pick me in your next life, hyung?" Jisung whispered with so much vulnerability he knew that he sounds like he's begging for him to say yes. To pick him. To let it be him this time. And maybe he is. Just this once.
Minho then faced the ceiling. His face unreadable. He could see tears threatening to fall from the corners of his eyes. His lips formed a faint smile. Jisung chuckled in his head and faced the ceiling as well.
"Of course.. it still won't be me."
Jisung slowly got up from bed and picked up his clothes thrown on the ground. His bones slightly cracking from the movement. His lower region still sore but he'd rather feel this kind of pain than being with the person you love who can't love you back. Who will never love you back. Who loves somebody else.
"Sungie? What are you doing? Get back to bed. I know you're still sore." That stupid nickname. He hears rustling behind him but he doesn't dare to look back. He can't.
"I'm gonna go take a shower hyung, then go home. I forgot I have plans with Hyunjin early today."
"It's already 3am Sungie. Sleep here and I'll wake you up. Hyunjin will understand."
"I really need to go home today hyung, sorry." He didn't wait for his reply as he hurriedly picked up all his stuff and locked the bathroom door. He walked to the sink and looked at himself in the mirror and he couldn't help but to cry. He opens the faucet and slid down the wall as he tries to keep in his sobs and whimpers while covering his mouth.
He stayed like that for a while. Thinking what went wrong. Where it started becoming something that wasn't supposed to be. Why it has to be him of all people. But then again, he's always at the other end of failed relationships. Never the one who experience good things in life.
After calming down, he washed his face and hands and took his phone out of his bag.
7 unread messages from Hyunjin
11 missed calls from Hyunjin
20+ messages from others..
Hey Hyunjin, I'm with Minho rn. Can you pick me up? Please?
3:14am sent | read
Omw. Send me the address now.
3:14am sent | read
[Address sent] Please hurry.
3:16am sent | read
I'll be there in 10. I'm coming.
3:16am sent | read
He took a quick shower and waited for Hyunjin's text to arrive. To let him know when to go out. He doesn't want to be here anymore. He feels trapped and couldn't even bear to see the person he loves without feeling shit about himself.
But it wasn't Minho's fault. It was never his fault. He was the one who pushed himself unto him. Who said it was okay to use him. Said that it was only for the pleasure. He wasn't supposed to fall in love with him. It was never part of the whole idea.
But he did anyways. A mistake. A dumb fucking mistake that he can't take back and he had enough. He's so tired. He just want everything to be okay. For everyone to be okay. To get rid of the problem.
He's the problem.
I'm here.
3:25am sent | read