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Gwen is seriously rethinking her decision to leave Morgana alone with her thoughts to keep her company after she had another terrifying nightmare. Her daily bouts of waking up after nightmares have become a normalcy much to Gwen’s growing despair. Not only the night terrors eating Morgana alive, but her physical health keeps declining due to emotional distress. Permanent dark circles were etched around her diamond-shaped eyes. Gwen's heart aches with the grief towards her lady. There is little to nothing she can do to help Morgana and it drives her sick with worry. She paces inside her dimly lit room still in her day dress, too jittery with nerves to actually sleep. 'What if Morgana is crying alone?' The thought of her lady, weeping inside that terribly lonely castle with no one to console her makes Gwen's heart tighten with grief.
Gwen clenches her fists and starts to walk determinedly towards the door and grabs her coat and rushes outside. Winter cold is seeping through the flimsy layers and she shudders involuntarily. The snow on the path makes a pristine white carpet. Though it is chilly, the night is stunning. Gwen notes no such thing while she hastens her pace towards her lady. Her one and only focus is the weeping face of Morgana that her worried mind conjured for her.
In minutes that felt like hours Gwen finds herself standing next to Morgana's door. She hesitates a bit before softly knocking on the gigantic wooden door separating her from Morgana's chambers. The silence from the other side almost convinces her that Morgana might be sound asleep. but her instincts are screaming at her that there is something clearly wrong.
"My Lady?" Gwen whispers to the darkness while slowly opening the door. It took a few minutes for Gwen's adjusting eyes to see the state of the room which currently looks like it has been swept away by a whirlwind. The gasp she lets out rings loud in the abnormally silent chambers. The pristinely clean room she organized is in a pure mayhem. The sheets are bundled on the floor. The vase that held the flowers Gwen carefully arranged laying by the cupboard. Is that the hand mirror lying broken by the windowsills?
The wrecked room is not what makes Gwen antsy, but that she can't see her Morgana anywhere. Her eyes anxiously sweep around the room to gather her thoughts.
"Morgana..? Are you here?" Gwen whispers again, afraid to break the thick silence. She slowly walks inside the chambers.
"Morgana, it's me Gwen", She declares louder this time. Before she could say something else Gwen spots her lady and she is overtaken by grief all over again.
Morgana is hugging herself, huddling in a corner, sitting next to the bed on the floor, staring at the dying embers of the hearth. Her beautiful eyes are glazed and she is staring at the opposite wall unseen. Her ivory skin that usually glows looks almost papery. She seems to be unaware that Gwen is standing right next to her.
Helpless and worried sick, Gwen debates with herself on what she should be doing. It's not like there's anyone she can call here to console her lady. Gwen knows she herself is the only friend Morgana keeps close to her heart. Without wasting any more time on useless idle thoughts, Gwen carefully sat next to Morgana on the cold floor, shuddering with cold when it seeped through the fabric.
‘Morgana, can I touch you?’, says Gwen with the caution of approaching a wild animal.
Morgana gives no sign that she could hear Gwen. The maid slowly reaches towards Morgana’s clenched fists and takes them into her somewhat colder hands from walking outside. Morgana gives a full body quiver and FINALLY looks at Gwen with wonder coloring her red eyes.
‘Gw-’, her voice cracks and she tries again through parched lips.
‘Gwen, what are you here for? It is well past midnight’
Morgana whispers through a fragile smile and Gwen's heart breaks all over again.
‘My lady.’ Green meadows meet brown pools when their eyes meet. One pair filled with unshed tears, the other pair overflowing with palpable concern.
‘Yes Gwen?’
‘Can I hug you my lady?’
Morgana startles. She obviously didn’t expect her friend barging into her rooms in the middle of a winter night offering hugs. When Gwen receives no response she takes the silence as permission to wrap the bundle of misery with her arms. Morgana’s tear stained cheeks pressed against Gwen’s bosom. Morgana’s still body tenses and trembles within the arms of her best friend. Gwen determinedly tugs her towards herself and tightens her hold on Morgana in a wild effort to share her strength. Seconds past, and Morgana’s body gives a shudder as she breaks apart in Gwen’s arms sobbing loudly staining Gwen's dress with tears. Gwen is overcome with love and concern towards Morgana; she feels that the emotions might suffocate her.
Gwen slowly runs her left hand on Morgana’s back and rubs her to soothe her while her right hand is tangled in Morgana’s long black hair. Gwen silently lets Morgana cry her eyes out while holding her through what it felt like hours. Morgana, why do you always choose to suffer silently? You deserve to be held and comforted too my lady.
When Morgana finally runs out of tears to cry, “My lady, can you stand up?”Gwen queries her, quietly doing her best to not to startle Morgana. Morgana nods her assent and Gwen helps her to stand up and sit on her bed. Then she sits next to the lady and takes her hands.
“Morgana look at me, Will you?”
Morgana’s reddened eyes glazed with tears finally meet Gwen’s browns. Gwen gives a tiny comforting smile and squeezed Morgana’s hands.
"Morgana what happened?" no response.
Gwen takes a deep breath and opens her mouth again.
“Morgana, do you think you can tell me what’s the reason behind your tears? As much as I wish to share your pain, I do not want you to feel uncomfortable. You do not have to confide in me if you are not comfortable.. I just want you to know that you can always trust me to protect your secrets. I am first and foremost your friend. I hope you do not think you have to keep secrets from me when I trust my life with you. I will always be yours not matter what my lady ”
Morgana’s bitten red lips part in surprise. Gwen does not stop gazing at her eyes. Gwen wants her lady to understand she is genuine, that she is baring her heart to her. Morgana is one of the most precious people in her life. Not the facade of a ward Morgana in the palace flaunting and putting on an act. But her best friend Morgana; the one who gives her warm smiles, the one who hugs when she is upset and the one who is first to stand by her side when she is at loss.
“Gwen.. I...” Morgana sighs and looks down at their tangled hands. Her face is twisted in self loathe and disgust.
“Morgana?” Gwen says patiently. Gwen wishes that she can ease the pain on Morgana's moon lit face like she could wash the dirt away from a sullied dress. Sadness does not suit Morgana.
Moragana lets out a sigh and tenderly begins.
“This place, my nightmares and Uther. Everything is suffocating me. The fake smiles and lies I am tired of living a life like a puppet Gwen. Sometimes even breathing feels like a chore. Burning pires where innocents are dying because of a manic witch hunt by the king and me, the ward of the King has to pretend that I can’t see this unjust and sufferings. What is the point of this facade Gwen? I have to pretend this is alright. Banquets, festivals and celebrations over the spilled blood and still warm bodies of innocents. I don’t want to continue my life in this prison like a caged bird. Am I to live like an ornament of Uther’s treasury dazzling and unfeeling till get traded for a kingdom alliance in a fluke of marriage? Tell me what to do, Gwen. What can I do?.” Morgana's voice clouded in self deprecation and hopeless despair.
Those words shook Gwen to her core. Those words shocked Gwen’s tears to finally escape their warm depths of pools and cascade on her golden brown skin like waterfalls. And those tears fall onto their holding hands like twinkling diamonds and it startles Morgana into looking back at her friend. And Morgana panics.
“Gwen, Gwen sweetheart, why are you crying, hm?” Morgana takes one of her hands from the grips of Gwen and tenderly wipes her tears. “ Are you really crying for me now? huh? What did I do to deserve tears from you?” Morgana’s whispers break the last bit of Gwen’s composure and she once again envelops Morgana into a hug with tears still leaking silently from her eyes. Her eyebrows furrow while she tries to form words through the complicated mess of thoughts running wild in her mind.
“Mogana, Morgana it just- I -” Gwen takes a deep breath. “Morgana.. I will not pretend that I understand your turmoil because I am no one but just a mere maid.” Gwen tightens her grip to stop Morgana from contradicting her when she feels Morgana is going to disagree with her words. “Morgana. Morgana, you know that it is the truth. You and I are from completely different worlds. But- BUT Morgana I believe no matter the differences lie among us two I understand your heart more than anyone else. I grew up with you, played with you and shared our secrets and feelings with each other. This may sound over the top but, I know you think you have to throw a show like fireworks to survive in this place. You don’t have to do that with me. For me you are just Morgana. You can just be a wildflower with me. You grew into a beautiful person amidst the circumstances. A kind hearted princess with servants and people adoring you. For I have seen you in your best and worst, I promise you that I will be here for you till the end. You are my first and closest friend. A lovely girl with a kind heart. So my lady, do not be afraid to bare your heart with me, I treasure your heart with my life.’ Gwen speaks with all the emotions she could muster.
The silent stretches and Gwen wonders if she overstepped. To be honest she does not regret a single word she said. She lets Morgana stew on her words determinedly not leaving the safety of Morgana’s arms.
Morgana's fingers tenderly combed through Gwen's curly brown hair.
“Gwen. Gwen, look at me” Gwen slowly looks up at her lady, unsure what that face will reveal. To her surprise and relief Morgana's face transformed into a fond look and she smiles slightly at her. Gwen is glad to put that look on her face. Her heart fills with happiness. She is over the moon when Morgana breaks the silence shocking her yet again.
“Gwen, can I kiss you?” Morgana’s words startle Gwen out from her thoughts.
“Huh..?” Gwen stares foolishly at the lady.
“Gwen, tell me I can kiss you.” Gwen gives her assent with a nod and she really has no idea what the hell is happening. Morgana wants to kiss her? Her brain feels like it’s full of static.
Morgana takes her face into her hands and slowly closes the distance touching their lips. It only lasts a few seconds. Then Morgana kisses Gwen’s forehead and the tip of the nose earning a startled giggle from Gwen.
“Gwen, I will always be your wild flower as long as you will have me” Morgana says with a rosy blush coloring her cheeks. Now it is Gwen’s turn to become a blushing mess. Gwen nods her head and hides her face in her hands. Morgana takes her hands from her face and whispers, “Gwen, let’s go to sleep. We are both tired”
This is not the first time Gwen is asked to sleep with Morgana, but for some reason it feels different after the kiss. Gwen bites her lips unsure what to say. Morgana looks at her questioningly and her face lights up in realization.
“Let’s talk about that tomorrow. Shall we? Let’s sleep for now. I don’t think I want to be alone tonight” Morgana is fighting a losing battle to hide her vulnerability. Gwen smiles at her lady and gives her a kiss on the cheek flustering both herself and Morgana.
“Let’s sleep” Gwen whispers and they both climb on to Morgana’s bed and hold each other in their arms and sleep with smiles etched onto their faces. A wildflower and her earth looking forward to a brighter day.