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"You never told me what happens after." Una is helping Chris prepare dinner, by watching a pan of potatoes until they boil. It's all he will let her do, having discovered that her cooking abilities tend to lend themselves to burning things. Usually she's on clearing up duty, but right now she's his only helper so he's put her to work.
Chris is chopping vegetables methodically, and is currently working his way through a head of broccoli. "After?"
"After you saved the cadets. In the future." They've talked about his future often since the first time he told her about it. Using words so vague and florid she had to drag the truth out of him, even though it seemed like he'd wanted to tell someone.
She suspects it's a subject that will be revisited often, until it's resolved. One way or the other. He can only see it one way and she needs him to consider other options. She knows that given the option between saving himself and someone else he'd never choose himself. But there must be a way that everyone can be saved.
He pauses for a moment, knife resting on the chopping board. "I don't know, exactly. I only saw myself as an observer." He stares off into the distance and she wonders if he's seeing it again.
It's clearly nothing good, given his reluctance to speak of it. However, she needs to know, so she can understand his thinking. And then get him to re-think it. "And you saw…"?"
"Myself." His gaze took on a far-away look. "Paralyzed. In pain. I don't think I could speak, but I could see the pain in my eyes. His eyes."
He's not dead, which is something. To inject a note of optimism into the conversation she says, "That doesn't sound too bad. There's technology to help you move and communicate, and drugs for the pain."
"Yeah." But he doesn't sound like that's a good thing. "But I still wouldn't be able to take a horse out for a ride any time I liked."
And that is the important part, of course. Anyone else could, and did, live happily without horses. Having been introduced to them by Chris, Una was very happy to live far away from them. Not that she let on about that, or he'd try and convince her otherwise. But for Chris, if he can't ride a horse he might as well be dead.
"And I won't be the same man," he adds.
"Of course you won't." She says in a no-nonsense tone.
He focuses back on the room and on her.
"No one could go through that be the same afterwards. You aren't the same now, having seen it."
He frowns. "I'm not?" He picks up the knife absently. Before she can say anything he speaks again. "There's also the two cadets I don't save. I have to figure out a way of saving them."
Of course he does. Any outcome where someone dies is a bad one. "You can't always save everyone," she says in a soft tone, saucepan forgotten.
He shakes his head. "I have advanced warning. That should be enough." He cuts through the broccoli with too much power and the knife hits the board with a bang.
She steps closer. Although it's good that he's thinking of changing his future, she'd rather he consider how to save himself than focus on the cadets. She's known him long enough to know this was how he thought, but it never stopped her trying to talk him out of it. "Any ideas?"
He shakes his head. "I only saw the future after they were dead. I'm not sure what happened leading up to that point."
"But you know when it happens, right?" He certainly seemed to know the date, even if he wouldn't give her anything exact.
He nods.
"Then you'll be prepared. You'll be able to get everyone out in advance. Then no one has to suffer the effects of delta radiation."
"Maybe." He scraped the broccoli off the chopping board into a pot and started on some carrots.
"If you're not going to know how they die until it happens, then there's no point in worrying about it yet."
He sighs.
"Chris." She rests a hand on his shoulder and waits for him to give her his full attention before continuing. "I know you. I know you'll always do whatever you can to save as many people as possible. But all anyone can ask is you give your best. You're not perfect and you can't save everyone."
"I wish I could." She can see the world of hurt in his eyes from everyone they've lost on the Enterprise since he became captain.
"I know."
Then his gaze slides past her and his expression turns more panicky. "The potatoes are boiling over."
She jumps over and turns it down, although there's still hot water running down the sides of the saucepan.. He comes over and adjusts the temperature.
"If I can find a way to save those two cadets, I will." He smiles.
She smiles back, but also knows they'll return to this conversation again and again, until she gets the answer she wants.