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There was something about the apartment building roof at night that always helped Andrew clear his head. Whether it was his brother annoying the shit out of him or Kevin being frustrating as always, whatever issues were going through his head before he went up were almost certainly better when he came back down. It was nice to have his own space up there to smoke and to think things through.
Tonight, though, his spot had been stolen.
“Jumping won’t solve anything,” Andrew told the boy standing at the edge of the roof. “Nobody’s going to care about you more if you die.”
Without turning around the boy said, “That’s a great way to talk someone off the ledge. I wasn’t going to jump, I’m just thinking.”
Andrew pulled out a cigarette and lit it. “I don’t actually care if you jump or not. You’re in my spot.”
Finally, the boy turned around to face him. Andrew was not often easily impressed by men’s looks but something about the boy-- no not a boy he must have been closer to Andrew’s age-- was striking. Maybe it was his eyes, blue and haunted, there was a burn scar underneath his right eye. Andrew was a sucker for expressive eyes, they often said what words didn't. Maybe it was his hair, auburn with streaks of red going through it. Whatever it was, he was pretty and Andrew noticed.
“You going to keep staring at me or are you going to offer me a cigarette?” He said, snapping Andrew out of his reverie.
“Neither, I’m actually going to finish the job for you and shove you off this roof if you don’t get out of my spot.”
“By all means be my guest,” He said. Despite his snarky comment, he moved over and sat on the edge of the roof. “I’m Neil.”
Andrew went to his spot and sat down next to Neil. “I don’t remember asking.”
He held out the box of cigarettes and waited for Neil to take one. “I’m Andrew,” He relented, lighting Neil’s cigarette.
“Nice to meet you, Andrew.” He honest-to-god stuck out his hand for Andrew to shake, leaving him baffled. Who was this man? Andrew wasn’t the rooftop meet-cute kind of guy, why was something as simple as an outstretched hand causing his heart to skip a beat? He stared at the hand but made no move to shake it. “What brings you to the roof?” Neil continued.
“I could ask you the same thing.”
“I told you, I was just thinking.”
“That’s a loaded statement, thinking about what?”
At that, Neil looked away. Perhaps Andrew had struck a nerve by asking him to elaborate but Neil started this game. “I’ll trade you, truth for truth. You go first, what are you thinking about?”
Neil looked back at him and held eye contact with him. Andrew wondered if this was a challenge, he raised an eyebrow unwilling to back down, even if the eye contact was weirdly intense. He wasn’t sure if it was because of the unnatural color of Neil’s eyes or the hardly concealed emotion in them.
“I was thinking about running away,” Neil conceded. “I never stay in one place too long, and I was wondering if it was time I move on.”
“Why?”
“Nuh uh, truth for truth and it’s your turn. Why are you up here?”
Andrew had forgotten that trading truth for truth meant he’d eventually have to offer a truth of his own, he didn’t appreciate his own game being turned back on him. He though about making up a lie just because, but he didn’t think it’d be very kind to repay Neil’s genuine honesty with falsehood.
“I come up here when things are hard when something is bothering me,” Andrew answered. He figured he’d have to say what was bothering him for another truth. “Why are you running away?”
Neil stared ahead, at the city that lie below them. Andrew studied his side profile, wondering why he’d never seen this man before. If he was contemplating running away, it clearly meant he had been here for some time.
“There’s nothing for me here. I go from place to place looking for a reason to stay, and I never find it. So I get restless.” Neil stated, simply. Andrew could relate to the feeling of restlessness, he had been here for far too long, tied down by familial obligation, but he was unable and unwilling to leave.
“South Carolina is an odd place to look for purpose. There’s nothing here for anyone.” Andrew said.
“I’m starting to realize that,” Neil agreed. Andrew noticed he hadn’t been smoking his cigarette, just holding it in front of him. “You said you come up here when something is bothering you? So what’s bothering you?”
Andrew laughed and flicked his burnt-out cigarette off the roof. “What’s bothering me is the fact that you’re wasting the cigarette I gave you. These things are expensive. The pack cost me $5.05, that’s 25 cents per cigarette.”
“I’ll give you a quarter. What’s bothering you?”
It was Andrew’s turn to stare straight ahead in silence. He was starting to regret coming up with this game. He was a big fan of the truth but not when it involved pinning his heart to his sleeve for a complete stranger, even if the stranger was pretty and could keep up a good banter with him.
“My brother is getting married next week.”
“Isn’t that a good thing?”
“Sure, I’m happy for him.” He said in a way that he knew made it sound like he wasn’t happy at all. That wasn’t true, he was happy for Aaron. He was just in a self-pitying kind of mood. “Aaron and I are twins. Him getting married and being happy just reminds me of how hard it is for me to open up and get close to people.”
Neil opened his mouth to speak but Andrew cut him off. “If you say something pitying I’ll make good on my threat from earlier. I don’t need pity.”
“I was just going to say that you’ve been opening up the whole time we’ve been sitting here,” Neil said and shrugged like it was obvious.
Andrew realized he was right, telling the truth and opening up was pretty much the same thing. And perhaps it was easier to open up to someone when they were doing the same to you, even if that person was a stranger.
“So, if not here, where would you go?” Andrew asked, picking their game back up.
“I’m not sure, at this point I don’t really know where I haven’t been.”
“Well, what if someone…I mean something…were to give you a reason to stay here?” The words were out of Andrew’s mouth before he could really control them. He wasn’t an impulsive kind of guy, he didn’t just say things without thinking about it extensively. However, he kind of had been thinking about it a lot since Neil said he was planning on leaving. Andrew wanted to get to know him, he wanted to have more nights like this, sharing secrets and…getting close to each other. He wanted to know if it really was possible for him to do something like that.
“Are you offering?” Neil said, giving him a look that Andrew couldn’t decipher.
“Well, I can’t really offer you much, but I can give you more nights like this. It’s not a purpose but it’s a start, take it or leave it.” Andrew held the box of cigarettes out, like a physical manifestation of the deal. He offers Neil a reason to stay and in return, he gets the game he invented, truth for truth, secret for secret. In return, he gets the possibility of something exciting.
Neil smiled and took a cigarette from the box without hesitation. Andrew lit his and then one for himself. Together they sat on the edge of the roof, looking out at the city below. Truth for truth, a reason to stay for friendship or the possibility of something more.