Work Text:
In these notes I will talk about my four seasons: about all people that I loved and that how they managed to compose a nice time.
Daeyeol was like summer: my least preferred season, but still pleasant. It wasn't even close to what I loved the most, but when I allowed myself to love, it was something true, I fell in love soon as a child, discovering what was the love. Unfortunately it was not long lasting
and it was my fault, but at the time I needed to do this. It was good while it lasted, while I was present.
Joochan, on the other hand, represents winter: the coldest and most chilling season, and certainly my favorite. In my head, the certainty that he was the person which I liked the longest is great, however, unfortunately we could never have a direct connection. I never had the chance to show me a nice person for him, and it breaks me, just like an ice stone. Joochan was someone good, although I thought for a long time that he hated me and I embarrassed me on his Instagram dm, but soon I discovered that he don't hate me, and this made me love him more, loving him made me more hot inside. Or should I say cold?
And now, Jangjun is the spring to most beautiful and flowery season of the year, just like I think he is, handsome and cool, therefore blooming. Of the three, I like him the least time, and I hardly ever spoke to him in little life. I was only able to observe the years that had your presence on schoolyard, I never had the courage to enough to get close and I don't even know if one day I will have (correction: I had but didn't go far). I even rooted for that we could fall on the same class this year, but apparently it didn't work, then I hope to have the opportunity on the next year. Or rather, I had yesterday my chance to talk to him, where I was happy, but the flowers seem to survive on devices, but I'm not crazy to make them wither just now, what is the sense, the spring has just begun! I hope that I am strong enough to manage to keep them alive.
Now you realize that I didn't mention autumn, right? Of course, the graceless season represents me. I'm not even far to be considered the most interesting boy and not even close to being the prettiest, just the "quiet boy from that class" was enough to describe me. But I think I'm not just that, clearly I'm not. I don't have as much grace as the rest of the boys, but I'm not a person impossible to look interesting. So like autumn, I wish I could show that the leaves are also beautiful, not only the flowers or the snow and the sun. After all I try to move on, thinking that maybe one day i'll leave this phase of autumn and manage to make my spring more florid and less wilt - yes, I choose you! -, It's better stay that way and wait for them to try to open again by themselves. Everything is just a matter of time, and we're only at the beginning. Rain in spring season is totally normal.
Now, I wanted it more than anyone thank them for everything that I provided and taught. Daeyeol taught me how to love. Joochan taught me how to move forward without looking back. And Jangjun? He is currently teaching me to understand a rejection, but in the end of the season we are going to receive the final diagnosis of what he tried to teach me. I think I should teach myself love itself, since not everything depends on other people. I'm not the person with the higher self-esteem, I'm full of insecurities, but it's ok, it's impossible for you not to be insecure with something, so at the end of it all I know I should love myself more and worry more about my condition. This sounds like a more angsty version of thank u, next from Ariana Grande, but it's not, it's just me thanking all the good and bad seasons I've had and have, it's my love story - bankrupt with each one. Not so broke, because we haven't reached the end of spring, right? There's still time for the flowers to open up.