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Simon missed quiet moments with Johnny. Granted, there were still the sounds of the radio, and the general noise that cars made, but it was close enough. Simon sat, slightly hunched over though not uncomfortable, with his head on Johnny’s shoulder, just enjoying the contact. Simon hoped it was enough to tell Johnny that he wasn’t mad about their earlier squabble. Simon was the king of misunderstanding things, and Johnny always gave him grace; it wasn’t hard to return the favor.
At some point during the ride, Patty had fallen asleep and woken again, picking up her self-indulgent tangent right where she’d left off. Johnny mumbled answering words to each of her questions, the vibrations of his voice traveling down and into Simon's ears like a soothing symphony singing him to sleep.
Almost sleep, anyway.
“Uncle Simon, are you awake?” came Patty’s voice in a whisper.
He nodded his head, still not quite sure where his voice had gone. Johnny relayed his answer for him. Patty asked again about a sleepover, and Simon’s mind began to wander.
He couldn’t remember if he’d ever had a sleepover as a child. Granted, he didn’t remember much about being a child, but he did have some key memories. He could vividly remember a snake, loud music, and the smell of alcohol. Any sleepovers though seemed to be notably absent from his mind.
Johnny must have taken his stillness for a no, and told as much to Patty. She complained for a while, unsatisfied by Johnny’s promises of another time. It reminded Simon just slightly of Timothee, odd as it was to think. Unlike feeding the giraffes, though, Simon thought he wouldn’t mind a sleepover. He wasn’t sure how to convey that to Johnny though, as he was unable to pull his voice back from whatever void it had wandered off into.
Instead, Simon thought about what he was even supposed to do at a sleepover. Sleep, probably. Eventually. Not that he would actually be able to. Surely that couldn’t be it though. If sleeping was all you did, then what was the point?
At some point, the car rolled to a stop in the family’s driveway, and everyone piled out into the frigid nighttime air. Johnny had Patty bundled in his arms, a slight frown still prominent on her face. He was in the middle of finalizing their plans for Christmas day when Simon silently floated by, plucking Patty from his partner’s arms and carrying her off towards their house. She hugged him tight, bad mood immediately abandoned in favor of planning out their night. She spoke so fast, and with such a thick accent, that Simon hardly caught a word she said. Johnny trailed behind, a warm smile across his lips.
Once inside, Simon got right to making the group dinner while Johnny helped set up a sleeping space for Patty in the living room. Apparently, he had an entire closet dedicated to pillows, blankets, and toys for his niece that Simon had missed on his first sweep of the house. For once, that thought didn’t bother him.
“Wait!” he heard Patty yell, prompting Simon to stick his head around the corner to see what had caused the commotion. “I don’t have any of my stuffies! How am I supposed to sleep in these conditions!?”
“Keep the heid las, I’ve got it covered,” Johnny laughed. “Simon, would you go grab a stuffie or 2 from the closet in the hall? And bring some extra blankets.”
Simon nodded with a thumbs up, and went to scavenge the closet. There was a small tub in the bottom corner, filled with several quite old looking plushies. He carefully looked over each one, making sure to avoid the ones that looked like they might fall apart. Eventually he settled on grabbing a raccoon, koala, and puppy plush. Simon grabbed an armful of blankets before heading back towards the living room. Before he could round the corner though, something stopped him in his tracks.
“But are you sure Uncle Simon likes me?” Patty was mumbling.
“Oh Patty, Simon adores you,” Johnny reassured the young girl.
Silently, Simon leaned against the doorframe, just out of view of the living room. Without any sort of warning, a deathly hand had wrapped itself around Simon’s heart and began to squeeze. With each breath it’s grip seemed to tighten, alleviated only by Simon’s own squeezing of the soft bundle in his arms. He didn’t think it was even possible for him to hurt like that anymore; Simon hadn’t experienced that specific brand of pain in years. But there it was. Brought on by the uncertainty of a little girl he’d know for less than a month.
Maybe civilian life was making him soft, he briefly thought. Maybe he didn’t care. All he cared about now was Patty, curled in her uncle’s arms just on the other side of the wall.
“But he doesn’t say he loves me like you and Ma and Da. He doesn’t even say he likes me,” she whispered.
“Patty, there’s more than one way to express love,” Johnny explained. “Just because Simon doesn’t say it doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel it, do you understand?” When Patty didn’t answer, he continued.
“Simon has been through a lot, you know? And the things that happened to him in his past affect the way he is now. He doesn’t think like you and me- he has his own processes that other people don’t really understand- but being different doesn’t make anyone wrong or bad. Simon doesn’t tell me he loves me a lot either, but I know he does because of how he shows it.”
“How does he show it?”
“Through actions, mostly. He makes me breakfast almost every morning, and he squeezes me extra tight when we hug. It’s just like how your Ma and Da take care of you because they love you, we take care of each other-”
“Because you love each other,” Patty finished.
“Right.”
“So how do I know he loves me?”
“You remember when we were at the mall, and you wandered away from him?” Patty gave no audible response, and Johnny carried on. “You know how you thought he was angry at you? That’s cause he was worried about your safety, and he was worried because he loves you. Trust me, I know first hand that if he didn’t like you, he would not have given a shit,” Johnny laughed.
“But if he was worried, why was he angry?” Patty asked.
“Because his brain works differently, remember? He feels emotions and reacts to situations in a way that might not make sense to you, but make sense to him. Do you understand at all what I'm saying?”
“I think so.”
“You’ve just got to try to understand him a bit better I think. I know you don’t know him too well yet, but I hope you will one day.”
“Are you gonnae get marrit?”
“I dinnae ken about that, but I would like to spend the rest of my life with him, if that’s alright with you lassie.”
“I'm pretty sure that’s cooties, Uncle Johnny.”
“Oi yer bum’s oot da windae,” Johnny laughed, quickly followed by Patty’s much higher pitched laughter.
Simon loved the sound of their laughter individually, but together it was just that much better. The grip around his chest began to loosen, taking the pain away with it. It lingered just a little, but Simon was able to move around it and into the living room with the others. Patty had just escaped being tickled by Johnny, and her face lit up when she saw what was in Simon’s arms.
“Mr. Bumblestump?” she asked excitedly, taking the koala from the pile. “You’ve been here this whole time? I thought we lost you!”
“Pretty sure you left him here last time we had a sleepover,” Johnny said as he took the blanket’s from Simon’s arms. He planted a solid kiss to his cheek as he did, and Simon smiled at the action. He grabbed Johnny by the shirt, pulling him back for a proper kiss before letting him go. Because he did love Johnny, and Simon was going to make sure everyone knew.
Just like he was going to make sure Patty knew he loved her too.
Simon quickly retreated back to the kitchen to finish the mac n cheese he’d been cooking, bringing the entire pot out into the living room for the 3 of them to feast on while Patty and Johnny traded stories. Apparently, Patty had certainly not had a boyfriend in the last 2 years, which Johnny seemed very suspicious about, but she had made a friend from korea. She also seemed very excited at the fact that he and Simon had been to Mexico.
“You guys get to go everywhere,” she lamented over her spoonful of mac. “I’ve never even been to London.”
“Well, you're also 9,” Johnny pointed out around his own spoon. “But either way, traveling so much isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Especially in the military.”
“I still think it sounds fun,” she said matter-of-factly. Simon couldn’t help the way he grimaced at that.
The military was anything but fun. It was bloody, and traumatic, and very often just plain sad. Ghost had witnessed too many good men- too many young men- slip away in death’s embrace. He’d felt her pull a few times himself, but Ghost wasn’t planning on dying any time soon. He’d decided not too long ago that he actually had quite a lot to live for, thank you very much. But Death could have her trophy soldier one day, and what a bloody day that would be.
Thankfully, Johnny had pulled the conversation away from military talk, and was instead interrogating Patty about her Korean friend. His name was Jumin, and he was very pretty, and that was that.
“I’ll tell you more if you teach me how to shoot,” Patty tried to bargain.
“Do you wanna paint my nails?” Johnny asked in a not-at-all obvious subject change.
“You have nail polish?”
“Oh, I have everything,” Johnny answered. And somehow, he really did.
From what Simon had decided was ‘the Patty closet’, Johnny pulled a basket filled with nail polish- at least 2 shades for every color- nail polish remover, and cotton balls. Patty was ecstatic about this, to say the least. In the span of 5 minutes, the living room had been converted into Patty’s nail and hair salon, with Uncle Johnny MacTavish as its inaugural customer. Simon had only been able to half-cover his giggling as Patty pinned berets into Johnny’s overgrown mohawk. He had his hands spread eagle on the table, allowing Patty to paint them whatever color she saw fit. He ended up with a variety of pink and blue berets, and bright yellow nails.
“What about you Uncle Simon?” Patty asked excitedly. “Can I paint your nails?”
Simon thought about it for a moment, and eventually pointed to the black bottle with a nod.
“No you can’t do black!” Johnny protested. “All you wear is black, you need some color in your life! Give him yellow so we match.”
Without really meaning to, Simon whipped his hand back towards his chest. He scowled at Johnny, who stuck his lip out in a pout.
“Please? For me?”
Simon’s scowl deepened. He didn’t want yellow. He didn’t want any color other than black, because bright colors were far too recognizable. But he didn’t want Johnny to be sad. But he also really didn’t want yellow.
“It’s ok,” Patty saved him with a smile. “Black goes with yellow too. You can be bumblebee boyfriends!”
“Bumblebee boyfriends!” Johnny mimicked with a giggle.
Simon smiled and placed his hand back on the table. “Bumblebees,” he agreed.
The way both Patty and Johnny’s faces lit up at hearing his voice was not lost on Simon.
Simon spent the next hour in varying degrees of confusion as Patty continued running her salon. Somehow, she’d managed to convince Simon to braid her hair, which went about as well as you’d expect from someone who didn’t know how to braid. They sat one behind the other on the floor, Patty giving very detailed instructions while Simon slowly went through the motions. Johnny called encouraging words from the couch, slowly but surely slipping closer and closer to sleep. By the time Patty had 2 somewhat sloppy braids trailing down her back, Johnny had almost entirely passed out. He did wake briefly when Patty tried to show off her new hairdo.
“Yeah, looks great lass,” he smiled as Patty did a little spin. His eyes slowly trailed up to Simon, who was also admiring his handiwork. It may not have been perfect, but it was damn good for a first try.
“You’re beautiful,” Johnny whispered, still making disgusting love eyes at Simon.
“You need to go to bed,” Simon replied.
“What I need is so many kisses.”
“You can have ‘em when you get your sorry ass in bed Johnny.”
“But babygirl,” Johnny complained.
“Alright, that’s enough outta you,” Simon quickly interrupted before his partner could embarrass either of them further. He flipped Johnny over his shoulder like the sack of potatoes he was and walked him back to their shared room. Johnny giggled as Simon tossed him onto their bed, trying to convince him to join him as Simon tucked him in and scolded him to sleep.
“Well what are we supposed to do now?” Patty huffed. She threw open the door to the Patty closet and began rummaging around for anything that caught her eye. Simon plucked a dvd case from over her head, handing it off with raised eyebrows.
“You want to watch a Barbie movie?” she asked.
“Do you?” Simon shot back.
Patty smiled. “I’ll make the popcorn! You got any skoosh?”
“Any what?”
“Like, soda and stuff, ye ken?”
“Right, yeah sure, just bring me one too.”
In Simon’s expert opinion, this Barbie movie was a lot less interesting than the previous one they’d watched. With nothing else to do, but unwilling to pay the movie any real attention, Simon could feel himself getting restless. He kept turning one hand over in the other, watching the light reflect off his shiny new nails. He liked them, he decided, but couldn’t help but pick at the polish anyway. An irritated look passed over Patty's face as soon as she noticed.
"What do ye think yer doin'? Are ye trying to ruin all my hard work? Mon, lemme redo them."
Simon sat patiently, letting Patty reapply the polish. He liked the cold sensation against his nails, and the bright shine of the wet polish. "Do you want me to do yours?" he eventually asked.
Patty looked up at him, wide eyes betraying the excitement her voice hid. "You dinnae have to if you don't want."
"Wouldn't have asked, kiddo."
"You think you can?" Patty asked. She looked over her own nails, a smile growing as she considered which color she wanted.
"Can't be that hard if you can do it."
"Ok!" Patty slapped her hands down on the table before them. "I want all the colors!"
"I don't think you have enough fingers for all the colors."
"Ok well, I want most of the colors then."
She ended up with an extended rainbow of sorts shooting across her fingernails. She'd chosen the brightest shade of each color, which Simon was not a fan of, but he kept his mouth shut about it when he saw how happy it made Patty. Just like with braiding, she gave him all kinds of helpful tips to get the best results. And, just like with her braids, her nails were a little messy but pretty good over all. Patty held them up to the light with a large smile. She squealed with excitement before tackling Simon where he sat.
"Thank you Uncle Simon! I love them!"
Simon wrapped her in a gentle hug, keeping her face firmly turned away from the smile that he now wore too. "Course kid."
“So what are we supposed to do now?” she asked. “Uncle Johnny wasn’t supposed to fall asleep so early.”
Truthfully, Simon had no idea. He’d been making his best judgments without Johnny to guide the party, but he was quickly running out of ideas. One glance at the clock though, and a new thought popped into his head.
“I think it’s time for bed,” he said matter-of-factly.
“What? Noo c’mon!” Patty complained. “It’s only 2:30!”
“My point exactly. Little kids need a good night’s rest.”
“I am not little!”
“You sure? Look pretty little to me.”
“Well that’s just cause you're a giant! You're even taller than Uncle Johnny and he’s, like, huge!”
“Johnny is pretty little. But he’s being a good little kid and getting his beauty rest.”
“I'm not little!”
They could have had this argument all night, Simon thought. Knowing Patty, they probably would have. There was something else, though, that caught Simon’s attention. It was a sound; a panic-inducing, hair-raising sort of sound that set Simon on edge before could even identify it properly. And when he did, his heart skipped a beat. It was Johnny, thrashing and calling out Simon’s name in the other room.
Without so much as a second thought, Simon was on his feet and running into their bedroom to see what the problem was. Johnny was, thankfully, still alone in their bed. Simon could just make out his distressed expression through the dim, along with the way his body twitched beneath the blankets. Simon immediately pulled himself on top of his partner, grabbing him by the shoulders to try and shake him awake. It took a concerning amount of time for Johnny to still beneath him, and for his eyes to rip open like he’d been shot.
“Alright Johnny?” was the first thing Simon thought to say.
It took a few breaths for Johnny’s eyes to focus in on Simon, and when they did he only looked like it caused him more pain. Johnny sat bolt upright, throwing Simon back just slightly but pulling him closer again with a tight hug. Then he cried. He cried loud and messy, with his face tucked safely in the crook of Simon’s neck. Simon was not usually good with people when they cried (he wasn’t really good with people at all), but he’d learned to handle Johnny’s nightmares just like Johnny handled his.
Simon rubbed soothing lines up and down Johnny’s back. “It’s alright love, everyone is safe. No one is gonna hurt you.”
Johnny shook his head and squeezed his arms tighter around Simon.
He understood.
“Hey, I'm ok. I'm not going anywhere either,” he chided. “Not without you, yeah? We’re a package deal now.”
He felt Johnny nod, his cries beginning to subside. For better or worse, the night was officially over. Simon could never wiggle his way out of Johnny’s arms after a nightmare, which meant it was time for everyone to get some shut eye. That is, of course, right about when Simon remembered Patty.
Her silhouette at the edge of the bed was small and ridgid. She stared at the pair with wide, fearful eyes, and squeezed her hands together in front of her. Simon sighed. He motioned with his head for her to climb up, and opened one arm for her to join in on the hug. She did so without hesitation, adding just a small amount more to the pressure of their embrace.
“Are you ok?” she whispered up to them.
Johnny nodded again, finally pulling his face free from its shelter with a sniffle. “Yeah, yeah I'm alright lass. Sorry you had to see that.”
“It’s ok. I'm glad you're ok Uncle Johnny.”
The three quickly settled into bed, with Johnny in between Simon and Patty. He had one arm wrapped around either of them, refusing to let either go. Somehow, he fell asleep again in a matter of minutes. Simon was relieved to feel the way his breathing evened and his body relaxed. The room was unnervingly silent though, until Patty spoke up.
“Uncle Simon?” she whispered. “Are you awake?”
“You should sleep,” he responded.
“I can’t. I can't stop thinking about it."
"Haven't you ever had a nightmare?"
"I didn't know adults had them too."
"Everyone gets 'em. Its just another part of life."
"But Uncle Johnny is in the military. Nothing is supposed to scare him!"
"Everything about the military is scary, Patty. The things we see out there- the things we do- that's what keeps us up at night."
"It's that scary?"
"It's more than scary. Some things are so terrible, they change the very way your brain works. Alter the neurons and their pathways and such, and it messes you up. No one comes out of the military the same way they went in."
"Is that why you're different?"
"Partially."
"What are the other parts?"
"Nothing a 9 year old needs to worry about," Simon answered. His tone, while quiet so as to not wake his sleeping partner, was firm enough to leave no room for argument. And Patty didn't, but she did sigh as she shifted on Johnny's other side.
"You know, it's ok to let people worry about you. That's how you know they care."
Simon didn't answer. The room fell silent, save for the breathing of the people next to him. Between one blink and the next, the dark had turned to light, and Simon was blinking sleep out of his eyes. Sometime in the night, Patty had crawled between himself and Johnny, who had her held close to his chest. Simon couldn't help the way he stared at them; he couldn't be bothered to pull his eyes away until his internal clock told him he'd been in bed for far too long already.
As carefully as he could, Simon untangled himself from their pile and set about his day.
Simon stood idly under the shower's cool water for longer than he cared to admit. He kept staring at the black paint staining his nails, trying to figure out how to wash his hair without washing it away too. Eventually, he resigned himself to the fact that he'd have to ask Patty to redo them for a 3rd time.
He was pleasantly surprised to see that the paint had been mostly intact
After a shower it was breakfast time. Once the bacon had finished cooking, as if she'd been summoned by the smell of her favorite food, Patty wandered into the kitchen. Her braids had become a tangled mess and her cheeks were still red from sleep. She poured herself a cup of orange juice and sat wordlessly at the table.
"Sleep alright?" Simon asked as he made her a plate.
Patty nodded. Satisfied with that answer, Simon set about his next task: gun maintenance. Simon could disassemble and reassemble his 9mm handgun with ease (probably under a minute if he was really trying), but he liked to take his time. He admired the gun's lethal beauty and intricacy.
He also noticed someone else admiring from across the table.
Johnny had told him of Patty's new interest in guns since the break-in. He'd been contemplating teaching her- and her parents for that matter- how to shoot, but Simon didn't think he liked that idea much. Truthfully, he was undecided though.
It was true that the best way to protect someone was to teach them how to protect themself. And a gun was just about the ultimate form of protection. It was also true that Patty was 9. In Simon's expert opinion, no child should have to protect themself; that's what the adults around them were for. And Simon would die or kill everyone else before he let anything happen to Patty again.
"All good L.t.?" Johnny asked.
Simon blinked out of the trance he'd fallen into. Johnny was pulling a shirt over his head, one bright pink beret still loosely hanging on to his hair. Patty’s plate was now empty, and Simon’s 9mm was fully assembled in his hand. His knuckles turned white he gripped it so hard.
“Alright Johnny,” Simon confirmed as he tucked the gun away in its holster.
Johnny nodded and plucked Patty up from the chair she was in and tossed her over his shoulder. “Well! I think its about time we get you back yo your parents, aye lass?”
“But Uncle Johnny we just woke up!” Patty complained, punching Johnny in the back with her little fists. It didn’t really do much.
“I know I know, but Uncle Simon and I have plans today.”
“Can I come?”
“No.”
“Damn it.”