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It was his birthday.
Kaeya paced his apartment. In his shaky hands, he held a letter. It was creased many times as if someone had folded it, unfolded it and then folded it again.
It was Kaeya’s birthday today and no one had remembered. There weren’t any gifts given to him, no wishes for his good health, and no on the house drinks.
Something like this shouldn’t upset him. He was a grown man, he could handle this. He’s being childish, as his biological father would say.
Crepus wouldn’t forget his birthday.
A groan escaped Kaeya’s lips as he shook his head in frustration, crinkling the letter while clenching his hands.
Thinking of that will just make him sadder.
Kaeya sat down on the couch, sighing as he unfolded the letter once more. It had been a long day of getting his hopes crushed every time he passed a person he knew, wishing that maybe just this one person would remember. Time and time again, he was disappointed.
The calendar laid open on the coffee table, a date marked in red and circled. It was soon, only a week away now.
Kaeya frowned, balling the letter up and throwing it over his shoulder with a huff. Some naive part of him had actually thought that he would’ve found a reason to stay by now. Maybe it would’ve been a person, or an event, as long as it was at least something.
But nothing happened.
Days went by as usual. Nothing stood out and his sadness only grew, even more so today.
It almost made him laugh at how pathetic he must be to have no one care enough to wish him a happy birthday. Not even a single person.
Maybe he should just move the date up. If no one bothered to remember his birthday, then surely no one would mind if he didn’t return.
Would they even notice?
Kaeya scoffed, staring at the date in the calendar. He had set it two years ago, after the fight with Diluc. It was a way to comfort him, knowing that an end was in sight. Many times he was tempted to move it up, but he has made his mind.
It was going to happen tonight.
He leaned back on the couch, his eyes narrowing as possibilities ran through his mind.
He could use a noose. It was easy, not very messy, and rather a quick way to end it. However, he wasn’t sure if he had rope strong enough to do the job nor a place that could hold his body weight.
Shaking his head, he mentally wrote off that option.
Cutting the wrists seemed messier, less reliable to work, and obviously more painful. He wasn’t sure if that’s how he wanted to go out.
Sleeping potions weren’t reliable either, besides he likely wouldn’t do it right.
Kaeya sat forward, his uncovered eye wide as he let out a soft chuckle. He had finally figured out the perfect way to go. It wasn’t messy, it wasn’t complicated, and best of all it was guaranteed to work!
Arsenic.
Giddy laughter erupted through his chest as he bolted upstairs. When he first got the poison, it was from Albedo. He had asked for it to help him with a mission that he was on. It involved him poisoning someone that he needed to be rid of as soon as possible.
Just another regular day for the calvary captains underground information network. He didn’t mind doing the Acting Grandmaster Jean’s dirty work, after all, someone needed to.
It was certainly going to prove very useful now.
Grabbing the bottle hastily, he shot back down the stairs and towards the kitchen. He set the bottle on the counter, taking a fancy wine glass out of his cabinet and pouring the poison into it. With the glass in hand, he carefully made his way back to the couch.
If he was going to go out, he was going to go out in style.
So, this was it.
He almost couldn’t contain his excitement, finding it hard to stop himself from laughing once more. It was just so funny. He will finally be dead.
Kaeya Alberich would finally be dead.
How relieving that statement felt! It was like a weight had been lifted off his shoulder after being there for far too long.
It was ridiculous, now that he was thinking of it. Honestly, for people to expect him to just move on, to forgive, to let himself be walked over, insulted, demeaned, and sexualized.
How too many looked at him with desire, as if he wasn’t a person in their eyes, but an object with no feelings. Hands touching where they shouldn’t, crying himself to sleep, and praying that for once in his life that someone would save him.
They never did.
So, Kaeya stopped waiting.
The wine glass touched his lips and the tasteless liquid began to pour down his throat.
It was happening. Oh gods, he was really doing it. Two years of waiting patiently for this moment and it was here. His hands were shaking from the sheer anticipation that was coursing through his veins.
There was a knock.
Kaeya’s hands jolted as he startled, causing the sweet liquid of death to slip from his hands and spill onto the couch. The glass bounced off of the couch and landed on the hardwood floor, breaking into pieces.
He was fuming. Whoever was at the door just ruined his long awaited moment and broke his favorite wine glass all in one go! The nerve of these Mondstadt folks. Always asking too much and having no respect for boundaries.
“Hello?” A voice called from the other side of the door, sounding awfully familiar.
Kaeya groaned, getting up and opening the door with a scowl. “What do you want.”
Diluc stood in front of him, his fist raised to knock once more. He was holding a small, neatly wrapped present in his other hand.
“Took long enough to answer.” He huffed, eyebrows drawing together when he noted the others sloppy appearance. “Why do you look so bad?”
He quickly realized his mistake before his former brother could tease him of it. “Oh, that’s not what I mean. You just look like...like you’re sick. Why are your hands shaking?”
Kaeya couldn’t stop staring at the gift. “Why?” He whispered, eyes finally meeting the others. “You...got me a gift?”
“Yes...it’s your birthday. Did you forget?” Diluc asked, shifting his weight with unease. Something felt off, but he couldn’t put his finger on it yet.
“You...remembered?”
“You thought I wouldn’t?”
Kaeya blinked, taking a step back. He smiled, though it didn’t reach his eyes, and began to shake his head. “No. I’m good. Whatever this is...save it for a different day. I’ve got something planned right now, and you won’t interrupt me. I’ve waited too long now.”
The door began to close.
“Kaeya, what is wrong with you?” Diluc responded, his foot in the door preventing it from shutting. “Do you have someone in there with you?”
“No.” Kaeya pulled the door harder, frustration building up when he found his hands becoming weaker.
Diluc shoved the door open with force, easily knocking the other to the ground. He held a hand out, but Kaeya brushed him off, wobbly getting up by himself. “Are you okay?”
Kaeya leaned against the couch with one arm, panting from the exertion. “I am fine. Would you leave already?”
Diluc snatched his hand roughly, turning it over and rolling up the sleeves. When he was satisfied, he let go.
That hurt.
It wasn’t if he ever told the other about that either. There were times that he self harmed, but never once did he confide in someone about it. He thought he hid it well enough, but Diluc was always too observant for his own good.
Kaeya couldn’t let him know that it got to him. He put on a smile, crossing his arms and praying that the dizziness didn’t hit again. “Have you finished with your investigation now, Master Diluc?”
Diluc narrowed his eyes, setting his gift on the coffee table. “You didn’t stop by the tavern today.”
“What does that matter?”
“I know how you get, Kaeya. You’re always sad on your birthday.”
Kaeya threw up his hands in exasperation, a smile still on his face along with a few tears. “Well, can you blame me? No one ever remembers, besides you. And it’s not like you even care about me anyways!”
“You probably do it as an obligation, to ease your guilt of casting me out after almost murdering me. After all, who would care about a birthday of a traitor?”
“Or are you just some sadist who enjoys how much it pains me to see you so uncomfortable around me? To see you forcing yourself to be polite to me as we both ignore what happened? Don’t worry, Diluc, I know you don’t actually care about me.” Kaeya finished, finding himself concerningly out of breath now.
Diluc’s gaze darkened. “You think so little of me?”
It was becoming too much. He didn’t have time to waste on arguments with Diluc. He didn’t take enough of the arsenic and if the effects began now, he wouldn’t be able to take the proper dose in time.
“Just leave.” Kaeya said, turning around to the kitchen and reaching for a new wine glass.
“Oh, of course you’re drinking now. Is that all you know how to do?” Diluc snapped, stepping forward onto the broken glass. It crunched under his feet, drawing his attention towards the sound.
“Real nice, Diluc.” Kaeya muttered, using his brothers distraction and opening the arsenic bottle. Liquid sloshed as it was poured to the brim of the glass. He wasn’t going to under do it this time. All or nothing.
“Looks like you’ve already had one too many if you managed to break something already.” Diluc commented unhelpfully, returning his gaze to his brother.
A dull, light green liquid filled the clear cup he was holding. That was strange. Wine is usually red and he knew of no drinks that were green.
Although, recently he had heard that the Chief Alchemist Albedo was experimenting with different types of poisons. Specifically arsenic. Word was that it was a newly discovered deadly poison that only took half an hour to fully work.
It was green.
“Kaeya, is that arsenic?” Diluc whispered, his muscles tense as he pleaded internally that he was wrong, that his brother wouldn’t do that.
But Kaeya smiled.
He didn’t waste a moment. He knew that smile. If it meant exactly what he thought it meant, then his brother didn’t have much time left.
It took him five seconds to cross the room and tackle the blue haired man, sending the glass full of poison shattering to the floor. It spilled all over the floor and onto the others shirt.
Kaeya groaned, his hand reaching up to touch the back of his head tenderly. “Ouch, why...why did you do that?”
Diluc seized the mans hands with one of his own, using the other to sit him up. “What the hell were you thinking?”
He was met with an empty stare.
“Well?” He tried again.
A dry laugh escaped Kaeya’s lips as he lowered his head. He tried to free his hands but his former brother’s grip was unmoving.
The one night that he didn’t want to be bothered. The one time he needed to be alone. His plan was foiled.
By none other than Diluc, who didn’t even care about him. It made no sense. If the red haired man did manage to save him somehow, he would just go back to hating him after.
It was cruel.
“I hate you.” Kaeya whispered, an empty smile on his face.
“I know.” Diluc sighed, holding onto the other tighter. He never knew how to express himself clearly, always ended up saying the wrong thing, but he prayed that this time he would manage to get his words out right. “You’re allowed to hate me for what I’ve done. I’m...sorry.”
One singular tear filled eye met his. “Why? After all this time, do you tell this to me tonight? Can’t you see I’m trying to leave?”
“I can see that.” Diluc responded slowly, lowering his eyes. “That’s why I’m telling you. I can’t let you go.”
Kaeya tried to pull his hands free again, sobs wracking his frame. “You’re a sadist. Just let me leave. Or do it yourself, I don’t care. I want to die.”
Diluc’s blood ran cold as his ears processed that sentence. He pressed his lips together in determination, convincing himself to, for the first time in years, hug his brother.
Kaeya froze, his sobs coming to an abrupt stop as his brain failed to understand why this was happening. It was everything he had wished Diluc would do, just not today. Today, it was everything he hoped that the man wouldn’t do.
“I don’t want you to die.” Diluc whispered as he hugged the other. “I can’t let you.”
There wasn’t enough arsenic in his system to kill him but still Kaeya hoped that maybe he poured more than he thought. Or that his body was somehow extra sensitive to the poison and it would take less to finish him off.
He knew it wasn’t true, though.
“I should be dead.”
Diluc frowned in the embrace, rapidly shaking his head. He would respond but sobs threatened to take control.
“I really should be, you don’t understand. It’s my day. I’ve been looking forward to this for two years now. You’re ruining it, Diluc.”
The red haired man pulled away, letting go of his brothers wrists to hold onto his shoulders. “You will not die today. I don’t care if two years ago you decided to. You will not.”
Kaeya brushed the hands off of him, glaring hard at the other. “I will be. I’m not kidding. I don’t care if you take me to the cathedral to get the antidote for the arsenic that I already drank.”
“You already drank some-?”
“As soon as you leave, I’m going to come back, pour myself a nice glass and fucking kill myself.” He snarled, his hand slicing on the glass as he tried to scoot away.
“You already have it in your system?” Diluc asked again, his heartbeat racing in his ears.
“Is that all you hear?” Kaeya whispered, his voice breaking.
A part of him told him to listen to his brother, to comfort him. But he couldn’t. Not when the poison was starting to take effect. He couldn’t just sit by and let that happen.
“I have you get you the antidote.”
Kaeya sighed, a ghost of a smile crossing his pale face. “Alright. Go fetch it and when you come back the rest of the bottle will be gone.”
“I’ll take it with me.”
“I’ll shoot myself then.”
Diluc glared at his brother, not amused by his jokes. “What is wrong with you? That’s not funny.”
“If you leave again, I think I would rather die.” Kaeya said, quieter than normal. His head was lowered again, hiding his eyes behind his hair as his breathing became erratic once more.
Something in his tone made the winery owner believe him. “Kaeya...”
“I’m tired of it.” He muttered, resting his hands in his lap as he leaned against his kitchen cabinets. “I’m tired of you caring one moment then pretending I don’t exist the next. Pick one, Diluc. I can’t stand this back and forth.”
“What?”
“If I let you save me, don’t shut me out again. Don’t call me ‘Sir Kaeya’ but just call me by my name. Not just when we’re alone either, you have to act like you know me around others. Stop being so cold. Please, I just want my brother back.” Kaeya sobbed, wiping the tears from his eyes with his bloodied hand.
Diluc was quiet for a moment.
“Deal.”
Kaeya looked up, his eyes wide with disbelief. “Really?”
Diluc nodded, his eyebrows furrowed. He wasn’t going to mess up this time. His brother needed help, he can’t ignore it anymore. He should have addressed it a long time ago, to be honest. When he noticed the captains increased alcohol intake he should’ve done something.
The one time that he really hates himself for not taking action was when he noticed the scars. It was a rare moment where the blue haired man forgot to button the ends of his sleeves like normal. He was looking over his shoulder, saying something to the bard with the green cape when his sleeve tugged up.
That’s when Diluc first saw the scars littering his little brothers arm. They were too neat to be from a fight.
Kaeya had harmed himself intentionally.
Many times he thought back to that moment, wishing he would’ve at least followed up with his brother or tried to be nicer. He just did what he always did.
He ignored it.
This time, he vowed to himself that he would never do it again. Tonight, Kaeya became his brother again.
He met the others eyes, with a small smile, reaching a hand towards him.
“Let me save you, Kaeya.”