Archive of Our Own ^beta

December 25^th

SHOYO SMILED when he saw Tobio waiting beside a lamp post. His neck is covered with his favorite blue scarf, his head had a red beanie on it, and he’s wearing two layers of jacket, which is perfect for the day’s temperature since it wasn’t that cold compared from the past days and considering it’s Christmas day.

He noticed how some girls passing Tobio looked at him and then either smiled or giggled. Well, he did look a little better than usual but Shoyo didn’t expect him to attract attention even outside school. Tsk, if they only knew that the guy they are drooling only had good looks to be proud of, there’s nothing inside his brain except volleyball.

“You’re late,” was the first words Tobio said to him with a raised eyebrow.

He grinned. “Sorry.”

Tobio rolled his eyes to him.

They actually had no solid plan about what to do or where to go since they only agreed to meet each other on Christmas day because they had nothing else to do either. Shoyo already celebrated it with his family in the morning. Some relatives visited their home so he became a little busy during the morning but as time passed by and their visitors leaving, he eventually had nothing left to do but to probably lay in the bed or watch the TV. That’s why it was perfect and he was really glad when Tobio quickly replied yes to him when he invited him that afternoon.

“So? What to do?” the setter asked.

Shoyo smiled as he grabbed his phone from the pocket of his jacket and showed a picture of a poster he saw while he was on the way to their meeting place.

“There’s a Christmas festival in a shrine near Shiratorizawa. Wanna go there?”

“Hm…” Tobio looked like he’s thinking of an answer for a few seconds before he says, “Okay.”

The said shrine wasn’t far so when they took a bus, it only took them a little less than twenty minutes to arrive.

The place was jam packed. But well, that’s to be expected already since it was Christmas day and it’s a Christmas event.

He looked at Tobio and the setter’s just staring at the people inside the shrine. Based on his expression, Shoyo was thinking that Tobio’s probably thinking how to get inside with all those people. Seriously, Tobio should really not use his head except for volleyball or it would hurt. Shoyo grinned at his own thoughts. He shook his head as he poked Tobio’s arm. “Let’s go?”

“How do we even get there?”

“Kageyama.” The setter looked at him. “You just have to believe.”

It’s just so entertaining for Shoyo how Tobio’s expressions quickly changed from being confused to being mad at him. Actually, Tobio was very expressive. He just didn’t really show it to other people. (And if he may just say it, Shoyo felt like Tobio always became more expressive when he was with him. He’s proud of that.)

“Can you stop being dumb? At least for today, rest your dumb ass this Christmas day.”

“Tss.” Shoyo rolled his eyes. “You are such a killjoy. What is world without dumbness sometimes?”

“Pfft.”

He quickly glared at Tobio. “Are you laughing? What’s so funny?”

“You.” Then he continued to giggle. “Sometimes? You are always dumb.”

Shoyo let out a smile while he continued giving Tobio a death glare, because swear to God, let this day not be the setter’s last day on earth.

Tobio stopped his giggle after a few seconds and glared back at him like he didn’t even get threatened with the look he was throwing at him. Like be scared at me for once! Tsk, it’s annoying. “You’re so annoying.”

“So are you.”

“Be ready.”

Shoyo grabbedTobio’s wrist and pulled him into the ocean of people inside the shrine.

When they got inside, just one word, wow. It wasn’t as crowded inside as what it seemed at the entrance of the shrine. Maybe that’s only because of the number of the people entering and exiting the shrine. It’s so bright inside. Shoyo loved that tall Christmas tree that was standing in the middle of the shrine. He also couldn’t help but notice a group of people playing Christmas songs using traditional Japanese instruments at one side. It was just so alive because people were having fun. Thank goodness, he saw that poster of this festival earlier.

He and Tobio started to walk around and the stalls were just the usual stalls they can see at any festivals. Maybe the little difference was the vendors that were selling Christmas stuff. Also, thank goodness again, he brought a nice amount of money. That way, he could enjoy this festival without thinking about how much he would spend. It’s Christmas, let him do that at least once in a while.

They ate, of course, but they were more interested with the games around. Was there a day that they didn’t compete with each other? Whether it be the littlest thing such as the first one to blink or to say a word, that’s going to be competition for them.

“There’s fireworks display in an hour.”

Shoyo turned his head to the people talking behind them and watched them walk away. “Did you hear that?” he then asked his companion who was too focused to hit the target.

“What?”

“Fireworks display in an hour.” He excitedly tapped Tobio’s arm. “Let’s also watch that!”

“Dumbass! Stop doing that!”

“Oops…” he chuckled.

Tobio shook his head in disbelief before focusing on his target again.

In the end, after all the games they played and competed, and all the money they spent, they only got one stuffed toy each. Having that result, it’s supposed to be a tie, right? But ever since they sat to rest, Tobio had been insisting that it was his win because the prize that he won is much bigger than what he got.

“You’re not making any sense!” Shoyo argued.

“It’s you who’s not making any sense!” Tobio retorted.

They glared at each other, sending laser beams through their eyes and of course, Shoyo would not let himself look away and be this his loss, too, but a familiar smell suddenly caught his attention and that made furious eye contact break.

“Pork buns!”

He jumped from his seat and ran to the stall that was selling it.

Oh, newly made pork buns. Just looking at it made him drool already. He bought six. Two for Tobio, four for him.

“Oh, what a surprise.”

Shoyo tilted his head. “What?”

“Isn’t this the first time you have treated me?”

“How dare you?! I always treat you, jerk!”

Tobio raised an eyebrow before he smirked. “Except for that one time you bought me pork curry bun in the canteen, tell me the other times you treated me.”

“Uh…” Shoyo pouted as he tried to think of what the setter was asking him.

“See?” Tobio said after he waited for about a minute for an answer. “You’re the one who’s always harassing me to treat you.”

“Hey! I wasn’t harassing you. I always ask you kindly to buy me something,” he defended.

Tobio nodded. “Yeah, whatever you believe,” he mocked before he took a bite.

Shoyo rolled his eyes. “You really have a nasty personality. Why am I even spending Christmas with you?”

Tobio shrugged. “You were the one who invited me, stupid dumbass. Why the hell are you asking me?”

They became silent after that bickering as they ate their food. Tobio also bought something to drink for both of them when he was done eating. They just watched their surroundings. They sometimes commented about what they were seeing, but most of the time, they were silent… but it was relaxing. With Christmas songs playing in the background, watching people having fun, and the cold breeze of night air.

A few more minutes later, people were hyping up because… “Fireworks in a minute!”

He and Tobio decided to not leave their seat anymore because they can also see the fireworks even if they were sitting.

Shoyo looked at his partner and smiled because he was excited. This was the first time he celebrated Christmas in a festival with a friend. He was so glad that Tobio wasn’t so busy in their home when he invited him to hang out.

Shoyo heard a bang at the same time a bright light illuminated Tobio’s face. He saw how his setter’s expression changed from being emotionless to his eyes going bright and amazed and a smile forming in his lips.

He was astounded. Tobio looked so beautiful under the bright lights of the fireworks. He could really feel his heart racing, and maybe, if it wasn’t because of the fireworks, everyone could hear how loud it was beating. Looking at his volleyball partner’s expression was taking his breath away. He was just that… enchanting.

Maybe he completely forgot to watch the fireworks display. Maybe he just didn’t care about it all anymore. Because this moment right here, his partner’s happy and soft expression was more worth watching than the fireworks. If he only had a camera, he would take hundreds of shots of this Kageyama Tobio so would never forget it.

Tobio suddenly closed his eyes, then he took a deep breath. Shoyo quickly moved his gaze above to the fireworks before the setter caught him staring.

“It’s so beautiful, isn’t it?” he commented, giggling.

“Hinata.”

“Hm?” He looked at Tobio again, then he raised his eyebrows as he waited for whatever the setter was going to tell.

He waited and waited. He bit his lower lip because he was getting anxious about what Tobio was about to say. He looked distressed. The scowl was back, and he kept pulling a deep breath. It also seemed like Tobio couldn’t look at him properly and that made him very confused. What was happening to Tobio?

“Hey…” he called.

Tobio took a deep breath once again before he looked at him. “It hasn’t snowed today yet, right?”

Shoyo frowned because what the hell? That’s it? That’s what he was going to ask? …or say? After making him nervous for whatever the hell that was?

“Yes,” he replied as he returned his gaze to the lights flashing in the sky.

No one said anything after. Both of them just continued watching the fireworks.

Wait, maybe Tobio suddenly wasn’t feeling well? He kept taking deep breaths and his expressions looked pained. He tried looking at him from his peripheral vision but he looked fine, though? Maybe he was just overthinking?

It was his turn to take a deep breath.

There were still a few minutes before the fireworks display ended when suddenly, a snow dropped in front of him.

“The first snow of the day,” Shoyo heard the setter say. It was quiet but enough for him to hear. He turned his head and he was caught a little off guard when he met Tobio’s gaze. The scowl was not there anymore. He didn’t even look distressed. It was like he fully recovered from whatever’s happening to him earlier. Tobio wasn’t smiling but he wasn’t emotionless either. His eyes… his blue eyes had something but he couldn’t read what’s behind it.

A moment of silence between them as they looked at each other’s eyes.

A bang from the firework, and then another, and then another. And another one.

“I like you.”

Bang.

Tobio said it at the same time a firework exploded in the sky but he didn’t need to ask him to say it again because heard it very clearly.

“You don’t have to say anything about it. I just… wanted to let you know.”

❅*❅*❅*

January

TWO DAYS after their loss, Shoyo was still recovering from his fever. He was getting so much better from the previous two days he was resting. He got up from his futon and went to the common room where it was currently loud. They were still in Tokyo and they were staying there for a few days more.

“Hinata?” Sugawara called him as he was the one who noticed him. “Why did you get up? Do you need something?”

Shoyo shook his head. “No.” Then he let out a sigh. “I just need a little change for scenery, I guess. Also, I wanna move my body, I feel like the futon’s about to eat me.”

Sugawara smiled.

“Shoyo!” He turned his head to Nishinoya, who was currently having a wrestling(?) competition with Tanaka. He didn’t seem like he’s losing, though. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m feeling a little better now, Noya-san.”

“That’s great, Hina— ah! Aww!” Shoyo flinched a little when Nishinoya was able to take down Tanaka by jumping onto him and now giving him armlock on the floor.

“Oi, don’t hurt yourselves!” Daichi shook his head with his eyebrows frowned. “These two.”

“Hinata,” Sugawara called him once again. “You must be hungry. Come here.” His senpai tapped the seat beside him. “You were sleeping soundly earlier when we had dinner so we didn’t try to wake you up.”

Shoyo sat beside him and thanked his senpai for the food. It was just in time when he felt his stomach’s growling. Sugawara also placed his medicine beside his food.

While eating quietly, he watched his team doing their own things. Nishinoya and Tanaka were still at it again while the other two second years were watching, and probably betting on them. Ennoshita and Asahi were reading a book. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were in their own world, talking quietly at one side. Sugawara and Sawamura, who joined them at the table, were also talking. Yachi and Kiyoko were probably in their own room. That’s when he only noticed that Kageyama was missing.

“Where’s Kageyama?” he asked the senpais who was with him.

“Kageyama? Oh, uh, his friends from the youth camp made a surprise visit earlier and abducted him,” Sugawara said.

He nodded. “Is that so?”

“I still can’t believe he made friends outside our team,” Sawamura said, chuckling.

“Really.” The vice-captain let out a content sigh. “I feel like a proud parent watching him going out with friends earlier.”

He was feeling the same. For someone as awkward as Tobio, who has a foul mouth, and very rude (maybe only with him), seeing him interacting with others and making friends was some sort of accomplishment for Shoyo. His partner was slowly but surely breaking the shell to make friends with other people.

…though, he kinda wished to see him right now and stay with him while he was eating.

Shoyo shook his head. What was he thinking? Let the guy have his fun.

For the past two days, he was aware how Tobio was taking care of him, how he was staying with him. Though Tobio mostly did it while he was asleep, or so he thought, and that was making him happy, knowing how his volleyball partner was worried for him to the point that he wanted to take care of him himself.

After Christmas, nothing has really changed between them.

Or that’s maybe what he wanted to believe.

He didn’t say anything after the confession. They went home after the fireworks display and they were both quiet. The next time they saw each other was at the new year and Tobio was behaving normal, like nothing happened, like he didn’t drop a bomb. So, he decided to be like he always was with the setter— loud, annoying, someone his volleyball partner was comfortable with.

He sent a text message before that actually and he felt depleted when the setter turned down his invitation to meet him with just one word. But after observing the setter, he realized that that’s just how Tobio answers in texts, it’s like texting other people was like a waste of time for him, and that’s something that he didn’t need to get worried about.

Two weeks had passed since that night and Shoyo didn’t know if he’s the only one who was still thinking about that.

In those two weeks, he kept thinking if he wanted to go back to that exact moment and say something. He kept seeing that scene in his head, Tobio telling him he liked him following the sound of the fireworks exploding in the sky, making an echo to his ears. He didn’t know if not saying anything would be the best for both of them. Shoyo was not sure if he should just forget that like what Tobio seemed to be doing.

**

“YOU’RE AWAKE.”

He turned his head and saw Tobio entering the common room. It’s been hours since he woke up and he hadn’t got up from his seat where he ate earlier that evening. He watched the snow outside the window as well as his teammates decreasing in the common room and moving one by one to the room where they sleep.

“Yeah.” He looked at the time. Ten twenty-five PM. “You’re late.”

Tobio handed him a paper bag and sat in front of him. “Miya-san and Hoshiumi-san were not letting me go.”

Shoyo opened the bag and was surprised to see what’s inside. He smiled as he put it on the table.

“I saw that while I’m on my way here. You’re probably craving that already.”

Shoyo nodded enthusiastically.

Kageyama Tobio bought him pork buns.

His heart was starting to flutter.

Nothing had really changed between them, but Shoyo knew he had an answer.

…even back then.

❅*❅*❅*

February

VALENTINE’S DAY.

Though Shoyo would never understand the excitement that the 14^th of February brings, he still liked it. It’s not that he’s expecting someone who likes him—if there was— to give him flowers or chocolates or a love confession, Shoyo was aware that Valentine's day was not all that. Of course, he had received chocolates and flowers in the past but all those came from his friends, he had never received one with romantic intentions.

There’s just happy air when it’s valentine’s day, you know? Everyone was just full of spirit when it’s valentine’s and that’s what he liked about it. “Hinata, chocolates for you.” Shoyo took the small bag of chocolates that his classmate was giving him. He thanked her while she gave him a smack on his back. Of course, that’s the thing he liked the most about valentine’s day—not the smack, he’s not a masochist— the free homemade chocolates. He always thought that homemade chocolates were special because of the effort of the person who made it, not to mention that it was certainly made very carefully.

Of course, he also made some and he gave it to the team during the morning practice. He was so glad when they liked it because he was a little nervous that he might have made the chocolates a little sweeter.

His valentine’s morning was great until the break time came.

One of his classmates, a girl, came to him and also handed him a small bag of chocolates. He was about to say his thanks when the girl put a chocolate bar and an envelope on top of his table. “Sorry for asking you to do this Hinata, but can you give that to Kageyama? Can you also tell him to read the letter and that I will be waiting for him beside the gym later, after school?”

Shoyo couldn’t speak for a moment.

She’s asking him to hand a chocolate and a love letter to Tobio?

Somehow, that Christmas night where he received a confession from the setter suddenly entered his mind. They never talked about it, and almost two months had passed but none of them ever brought it back. It was like it never happened. That’s also why Shoyo didn’t know if Tobio still had feelings for him. Sometimes, he’s thinking that there still was when he caught Tobio looking—staring at him, with those same eyes, the same expression he had that Christmas night. But most of the time, he was thinking that his feelings had probably faded. He didn’t say anything after all.

And right now, someone wants him to hand a love letter to Tobio. He wasn’t sure if Tobio still felt the same for him but would it not be weird if he did that? That guy once confessed to him, would it be disrespectful if he did what this girl’s asking him?

“Hinata?”

“Oh. Yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

Shoyo nodded and forced a smile. “Yeah. Yes, of course.”

“So… can I trust you with it?” the girl was sincerely asking, and Shoyo could see how she was getting shy every second passing.

Shoyo swallowed the slump forming in his throat before nodding once again and continuing showing his forced smile. “Y-yeah. I’ll do it. Your love letter will be delivered to him safe and sound.”

He could see how glad and happy his classmate was because of that. “Thank you so much, Hinata.”

“No problem.”

There is. He didn’t want to do it.

**

TOBIO WAS already waiting for him when Shoyo entered the vacant room they randomly found once and had been using whenever they ate lunch together. It was perfect when they were not allowed to practice during lunch breaks and Tobio said he loved it there because it was quiet. In his hands was his lunchbox and under it was the chocolate bar and the love letter.

“You’re late, dumbass!” Tobio was already shooting laser beams at him through his eyes. He must have been starving.

Shoyo grinned to tease the setter before he sat beside him. “Oh, you really waited for me, Kageyama-kun? You want to eat with me so bad?”

“What if I punch your face?”

Shoyo blew an air. “You know what? You’re so crabby, I was just joking.”

“Shut up. I’m already irritated as it is,” Tobio told him while opening his lunchbox. He was doing the same.

“Nothing new, but why is it this time?”

“This whole valentine thing.”

Shoyo looked at his volleyball partner. He didn’t expect that from the setter. “What about it?”

“People I don’t know have been approaching me nonstop since this morning to give their chocolates and letters.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?” he asked.

Tobio looked at him with eyebrows almost touching each other, his expression was also telling him that he couldn’t believe that he said that. “What’s so good about it?”

“You got to know that many people like you?”

Tobio scoffed, then shook his head. “Is it me or just my face?”

Shoyo didn’t speak. How would he know? No one had ever given him a love letter or a confession… except for him.

He quickly turned his head away because he felt like he was suddenly blushing.

Why did he have to remember it suddenly?

Shoyo pulled a deep breath and munched his food.

They ate in silence which was unusual because he always had something to tell Tobio, whether it’s all just nonsense, they never had silent lunch. But right now, he didn’t know what to say. He was in deep thought about how he would hand the letter from his classmate.

In the end, he just simply handed it to the setter.

Shoyo saw how Tobio’s eyes widened and his lips parted when he saw the chocolate and the letter. He might have stopped breathing at some point too, and it was very fast how Tobio’s face turned red. Wait, does that mean…?

But no. Shoyo quickly brushed away that thought. He should say that it’s not from or Tobio might get the wrong idea.

“My classmate asked me to give this to you. She also said that she wants to talk to you after school beside the gym.”

That bewildered expression from Tobio changed in a millisecond. That soft but shocked eyes was suddenly replaced by a sharp glare, his lips thinned, and if his face was still red, that’s probably because of anger. There was nothing but disappointment written in his face and Shoyo’s heart felt like squeezing inside his chest. He couldn’t count how many times Tobio looked at him with a disappointed expression ever since they met, but none of those were ever serious. None of those let him feel disappointed at himself too.

“Why did you accept?”

That moment, he wanted to cry.

He couldn’t say anything, even mutter a word.

Tobio took the letter and the chocolate in his hands, fixed his lunchbox, and left the room without a word.

**

SHOYO WAS shocked to see Tobio at the bike stand. He didn’t expect to see him there waiting since it had been almost ten minutes since he left the club room. He was the one to leave first and Shoyo just watched him go without waiting for him.

Tobio did talk with this classmate beside the gym. He didn’t know what happened during that because they didn’t talk. Shoyo practiced with Sugawara who joined their practice. If their teammates noticed something between him and Tobio, they didn’t say anything about it.

Tobio was looking at the bright full moon, his hands were inside the pocket of his jacket. Shoyo’s breath halted for a second when the setter suddenly turned his head to his direction. He probably felt that there was someone watching him.

He was just watching Tobio when he walked and stopped in front of him.

“Hinata,” he called his name, “I’m sorry about earlier.”

His mind suddenly became hazy. Why was Tobio’s apologizing? He should be the one who’s supposed to do that. He was the one who was wrong. After thinking about it, he realized that he was being insensitive knowing that the setter had feelings for him, and yet, he delivered a love letter that wasn’t coming from him.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. Why are you apologizing?” he asked, quiet and confused.

“I was wrong when I got mad at you. Your classmate only asked you to give that letter to me.”

“But I have a choice not to do it.”

“You’re just that nice.”

Shoyo bit his lower lip.

But insensitive, he wanted to say. He let out a soft sigh instead then raised his lips to form a small smile.

They stared at each other. It’s just them in this one side of the school, under the bright moonlight with the cold air brushing their faces, Shoyo was thinking how he missed Tobio in that short time they didn’t talk and interact.

Can I hug you? he badly wanted to ask. Right now, at this moment, that was all he wanted to do.

Tobio broke their eye contact as he opened his bag. A few seconds later, he was handing him a small box with a paper rose on it. “I tried making chocolates but I sucked in the kitchen so this might taste like crap to you. It’s okay if you decide to throw it away.”

He was stunned. He didn’t expect that Tobio would actually give him something for Valentine’s day. He even made it personally. Kageyama Tobio once again made an effort for him outside volleyball.

He accepted it, and he was not trying to make an effort to hide that he couldn’t help but feel happy about it. He didn’t care if his face was flushing red because this moment felt like magic, a fairytale where their day would have a happy ending.

“I actually tried making cupcakes for you,” he said, then let out a chuckle, “but I keep failing and burning them in the oven.”

Tobio grinned, then shook his head. “Should I pretend to be surprised?”

“I will succeed making them one day, stupid Kageyama! Just wait for the most delicious cupcakes you would ever eat.”

“I’ll wait then, dumbass.”

❅*❅*❅*

March

ONE THING that Shoyo always hated about the ending of the school year was finals exams. And because he was not the type to take his studies seriously, he always ended up cramming all the lessons he needed to learn in all of his subjects. Thank goodness because Yachi was there and she sure had enough patience to teach him and Tobio. Yamaguchi was sometimes helping them too, but Tsukishima never bothered… unless he’s losing his patience because he and Tobio were too stupid for him and Tsukishima couldn’t take watching them being so stupid anymore.

Of course, he and Tobio made their scores a competition and whoever loses would be the servant of the winner for three days. Shoyo won by nine points in their overall test scores. He actually got a little nervous when he saw Tobio’s score was ten points higher than his in one of their subjects. He wouldn’t win if Tobio didn’t mess up his score in another subject since the setter had been complaining how he was having a hard time understanding one of the lessons there. He secretly heaved a sigh of relief because that was two points close.

So that’s the reason why Tobio had been grumpy for two days already.  Well, there’s nothing he could do about that because… “If you only studied a little more then I would be the one serving the Almighty King Kageyama Tobio.” He had been bragging his win.

“Shut up, dumbass! You only won by two points,” Tobio snorted at him.

“A win is a win, Kageyama-kun.” He shook his head, with a proud smile plastered on his face.

Tobio rolled his eyes. “Dumbass.”

It’s not like he was making Tobio do hard things. So far, he only asked Tobio to carry his bag, buy his lunch at the cafeteria, buy him a drink at the vending machine, give him lots of tosses (as if he hadn’t been asking that ever since), and take his bike until the spot where they always part ways after school, and buy him food if they’re outside school. Nothing hard, Tobio’s just annoyed that he lost. (Also, he hadn’t spent a single cent yet since the setter was the one who’s been paying for everything he’s asking him to buy. He said that it’s not part of the consequence but Tobio insisted that he would also pay for everything.)

The last day was a weekend and Shoyo asked Tobio if he could come to his house. There’s no real reason for him to ask that, he just wanted to hang out at the setter’s house (and steal some of Tobio’s snacks in his bedroom). Tobio did think so too, but he was not allowed to decline him, was he? Shoyo’s laughing evilly in his mind.

“Aren’t you sad?” he randomly asked. They were in the living room, sitting side-by-side on a sofa, their legs and thighs covered with a blanket, munching the snacks he took from the setter’s room, while watching a movie.

He felt Tobio looked at him. “About what?”

“About the seniors graduating? I mean, ever since they left the team, they barely join us for practice to prepare for college exams, but at least, we can still see them every now and then. But if they graduate…” He turned his head to look at him. They stared at each other for a couple of seconds before Tobio broke in by looking away. He let out a soft sigh because that suddenly made his heart race.

“Of course, I’m sad. I will never forget how they accepted me to the team despite my bad attitude.”

“I amazed that you acknowledged that you were so bad at the start,” he grinned.

Tobio glared at him.

“Okay, sorry.”

“I already talked with Sugawara-san since he’s the most I am closest and thankful with.”

“What? That’s unfair! You should’ve told me that you’re going to talk to him personally.”

Tobio looked at him with one eyebrow raised. “Can’t you do that alone?”

“Of course, I can. I just never thought of talking to the senpais randomly.”

“Well, maybe you should do it and express your gratitude to them for accepting you to the team even though you’re so dumb.”

Shoyo tried hitting Tobio’s arm but the latter quickly caught his hand and made tight hold to it. He tried with his other hand but no luck.

“Too slow, dumbass,” Tobio said with a grin playing on his lips.

Shoyo’s ears got a little ticked with that so what he did next was to stand using his knees on the sofa so he could get a little force to get his hands from the setter’s hold and try to hit him again.

That’s what he was thinking to happen so why was he suddenly on top of him?

Ah right, he pushed him. But he could swear to every god out there that he didn’t plan for them to be in that position. It didn’t enter his mind for one second.

He felt Tobio let go of his hands. When he looked up, he met Tobio’s eyes… and his little pinkish cheeks.

Shoyo swallowed before avoiding his partner’s eyes. He slowly moved from that position to his previous position.

“Sorry,” he said. “It’s your fault, though!” he quickly added.

Tobio shook his head and rolled his eyes upward. “It’s yours, dumbass.

It became a little awkward, that's why Shoyo didn’t say anything and focused his eyes on the TV. His heart was racing!

At some point, they both fell asleep on each other’s shoulders.

❅*❅*❅*

April

TRANSITIONING FROM first year high school to second year didn’t feel like something had changed if Shoyo’s going to get asked about how he felt about it, since the team never really stopped going to school during the whole break to practice. He was thrilled though, when a number of freshmen decided to join the team, there were sophomores too.

Tobio looked… normal about it. This dude didn’t even try to pretend to look excited like him, like come on, at least join him in his enthusiasm about meeting the new members of the team.

“Do you remember how we got kicked outside the gym?” Shoyo asked. They were currently watching their new captain since February, Ennoshita, doing an orientation to the new joiners. “It was all your fault. My chance of getting into the team was suddenly put into danger because of you.”

Tobio looked at him, then looked at the new joiners, then back at him again. “I apologize, then.” It’s obvious that he only said it just because, only for the sake of saying it and letting him hear it.

“Really, Kageyama? That’s your best?” he scoffed, standing in front of the setter, crossed his arms and raised his right eyebrow. “Apology not accepted.”

Tobio rolled his eyes. “Okay.”

If he could just really land a hit on Tobio’s face, or arm, or in his stomach, that would satisfy him for once.

But for real, seeing a lot of freshmen joining the team was giving him Shoyo a nostalgic feeling even though it was only a year passed since the first time he stepped into the floors of Karasuno gym. From then on, a lot of things had happened. Friendships built, and he, as a volleyball player, has improved a lot. Honestly, Shoyo was thinking that the journey of his first original Karasuno team should be written and be made as a movie because for all the hardships they had been through, they actually got a happy ending. They got the chance to play at the National’s tournament that a lot of teams in their prefecture are always dreaming to be part of.

“Why are you smiling?”

Shoyo looked at Tobio because of the sudden question. He didn’t even realize that he’s smiling already. He shook his head and sighed happily. “Nothing, just… time really flies.”

Tobio didn’t speak for a couple of seconds, then showed a small smile after and looked the students getting oriented by their captain. “You’re right, time flies.”

Shoyo grinned. “Let’s do better this year, stupid Kageyama.”

Tobio smirked. “You do better, dumbass.”

❅*❅*❅*

May

IT’S STILL cold but Shoyo could tell that summer was approaching. The mornings were still definitely freezing cold but the afternoons were becoming a little hot.

As always, they were having their morning practice at the gym. Shoyo was watching at one side, he’s taking a little rest before he changed his practice clothes to their school uniform in the club room. Tobio was beside him and quietly observing the people playing.

The freshmen loved him. His setter, he meant. It was a surprise when Tobio got cornered one time after the welcoming match by the freshmen to get him set for them, but it was a funny sight because Tobio obviously didn’t know how to handle their new kouhais. He honestly thought that it would be the opposite situation between the setter and the new members of the team because Tobio had always had his forehead frowned like it was a permanent tattoo, and his poker face was always on making him hard to approach. Shoyo was glad it wasn’t what he was expecting. As time passed by and it was almost a month since the welcoming match, the setter learned to warm up to their juniors. They also had new setters so he’s practicing with them sometimes, but them together, Shoyo and Tobio, were still practicing most of the time, though.

“I’ll go change,” Tobio said before he stood up and started to make his way out of the gym.

“Wait up, me too!” Shoyo ran to catch up.

There were still minutes left before the morning practice ended but since they had almost twice the number of the members compared from before, the club room was becoming a tight space if they were all inside.  

“I feel like I’m forgetting something.”

Shoyo glanced at Tobio. “About practice?”

Tobio shook his head. “No. About something else.” He scratched his head for a second. “I can’t pinpoint what it is.”

“Pfft.” Shoyo chuckled. “That’s a sign that you’re getting old, Kageyama.”

The setter glared at him. “Dumbass.”

Shoyo stretched his lips like he’s smiling but not really, he stared at Tobio, and a few seconds after, he started sprinting fast out the club room. “Last to get to the classroom’s door will buy drinks at lunch!”

“Eh- uh- dumbass! You cheater!”

Shoyo looked behind him and saw Tobio was fast approaching him so started running faster too. If the principal saw them once again, they would surely spend half the day in detention again.

“Wooh! I won!” he screamed but not so loud. He looked at Tobio who’s just walking now while trying to catch his breath.

“Cheater.”

“Huuh?” Shoyo put a hand behind his ear like he’s trying to hear better. “Are you saying something?”

The setter let out a breath, shook his head, and looked at him like I should stop talking to him, like he couldn’t believe what he’s doing. Shoyo loved it every time Tobio was showing that expression because that’s his expression most of the time when he lost their competitions, like that’s the ‘he knows that he lost’ expression.

“I want a cola later, the big one.”

“Whatever.”

Tobio started walking to his own classroom when suddenly— “TOBIO!” The setter abruptly stopped because of that and they turned their heads almost at the same time. It was a girl, probably around his height. She stomped her feet while walking towards Tobio.

“You! I bet you forgot to do your homework again, didn't you?!” She didn’t seem like she’s mad but she's pointing her finger hard to Tobio like a boss. Her other hand was placed in her waist.

“Oh, we have an assignment?” the setter casually asked, like he didn’t get fazed by how the girl was trying to intimidate him. “Maybe that’s why I felt like I was forgetting something.”

The girl let out a frustrated sigh as she narrowed her eyes. “I knew it! Come with me!” She suddenly pulled Tobio’s ear and started walking the way to their classroom.

“Ah- aw! Let go, that hurts!” Tobio complained.

“No!”

He watched the two until they disappeared out of his sight. What did he just watch? Also, he didn’t know that Tobio had a female friend aside from Yachi. They seemed close, Shoyo thought as he entered his classroom. If he’s not mistaken, that girl was a transferee. Did Tobio friended her? No wait, that seemed wrong. He couldn’t imagine Tobio initiating a friendship with someone, so that girl friended him?

She also called Tobio in his given name, he never even… dared to do that no matter how close they were already.

That’s great, wasn’t it? Tobio having friends outside the team. At least his circle’s becoming wide and it’s not all about volleyball.

Shoyo leaned in his seat as he looked at the ceiling of their classroom and bit his lower lip.

That should be great.

❅*❅*❅*

June

THE FIRST day of the interhigh. Everyone from the team was excited but of course, the nervousness would always be there. After a few reminders of Ennoshita to the team, as always, Shoyo immediately ran inside the Sendai gym. He heard Tobio shout, “Dumbass! That’s a false start!” He took a quick glance and he saw the setter just meters behind him but that’s not enough to catch up to him. Ending, he won.

“That’s not counted, dumbass!” Tobio grumbled but he just showed him a goofy expression.

“Just admit that you’re just that slow, Kageyama-kun.”

“Tsk.”  Tobio walked past him bumping his shoulder and went straight to a vending machine. Oh, his daily need of his favorite milk drink.

They would have their first match in an hour and Shoyo couldn’t wait anymore. It’s been months since their last official match and excitement was eating him. He couldn’t stay still. He’s walking back and forth. He wanted to jump around and hit the ball already! He couldn’t wait for the thrill that the game would give him.

“Oi, dumbass! Would you mind to fucking sit because you’re giving me a headache?”

“No.”

“No?” Tobio repeated, angrily.

Shoyo stopped walking and stood in front of Tobio. “No, I can’t, okay?!” He suddenly started shaking his hands. “I am too excited, I don’t wanna sit! I need to move or I’ll go crazy.”

Tobio didn’t say anything but Shoyo knew, he just knew that the look that the setter was giving to him was saying ‘are you for real?’ so he pursed his lips and gave the same look and answered the setter through his eyes with ‘yes!’.

Tobio stood and started walking away.

“Hey, where are you going?” he asked.

“Anywhere you’re not.”

Shoyo pouted. That guy was really a jerk. “I hope he trips.”

While waiting, Shoyo was doing anything, everything. He’s walking back and forth He’s jogging back and forth, he’s jumping around, he’s stretching. Basically, he’s doing some exercises just so he couldn’t stay in place. He also got Nishinoya and Tanaka to do ball passes with him. When did one hour become so long? Was it always like that? He’s getting frustrated and he couldn’t count how many times he let out a frustrated sigh already.

Fifteen minutes before they entered the court, Ennoshita gathered them again to make some final announcements before their first game. At last! Because he’s so really, really itchy to play and he didn’t know what to do to keep himself entertained anymore.

“Who’s not here?” the captain asked after he did a head count.

Shoyo raised his hand before he answered, “Kageyama’s still not here, Ennoshita-san.”

“Can you look for him, Hinata?”

He nodded as he gave a salute. “Yes, sir.”

Shoyo walked to the path that the setter took earlier. He’s wondering why Tobio still hasn't come back because that’s so rare of him not to be ready minutes before the game. Did something happen? Was he suddenly not feeling well? Stomachache? Headache? Because he wouldn’t accept that his setter will not be able to play for those reasons. Or did he get lost? Shoyo shook his head. No, Tobio’s stupid, like that’s not new, but he won’t get lost in a place that he had been many times, right? He hoped so. In that case, where was he?

Shoyo tried going outside, it was where they wet their hair the previous year after they lost to Seijoh. He heard a bouncing ball so he followed where the sound was coming from. A few steps more and there he was, Tobio!

…who’s playing with the girl from his class. The transferee who befriended the setter real quick.

So, that’s what keeping him busy. There’s a reason why he hasn’t come back yet. That’s… if he wanted to do that, why didn't he invite him?

They looked like they were having fun. The girl, who Tobio still hasn’t introduced to him yet, was all smiles and laughter while trying to hit the ball Tobio passes to her. They weren’t doing any volleyball drills, they were just simply playing around. Tobio looked like he’s enjoying and having a great time.

Shoyo suddenly felt a pang in his chest. He didn’t know that Tobio would be able to get distracted like that even if there was a match coming. He always had his guard on before a match, trying to be calm and as focused as possible. But now… he’s playing… with a girl from his class.

Hey, there’s only ten minutes left before the match.

Shoyo widened his eyes from shock when the girl’s eyes suddenly landed on him. She said something to Tobio and after a few seconds, she pointed in his direction. Shoyo gulped when Tobio turned his head to his direction. He saw how the setter’s eyes widened the moment he saw him. It was like there was that sudden realization that ‘oh, it’s time already!’. So, he didn’t really realize the time because he was so busy playing with, huh?

He bitterly smiled.

Tobio walked to his direction with the girl following him.

“Ennoshita-san’s looking for you,” he said, trying so hard to hide the bitterness of his voice, when the setter stopped in front of him.

“Oh, I didn’t realize that it’s almost time—”

“Yeah, I kinda figured it out.” They stared at each other for a couple of seconds before Shoyo realized what he just did. He quickly avoided Tobio’s eyes. He didn’t mean to cut what Tobio was trying to say, and he absolutely didn’t mean to say that out loud, especially when he said it with the bitterness he tried so hard to hide a few seconds before.

“Hey, I’m going back,” Shoyo heard the girl say.

“To where?” Tobio asked.

Shoyo looked at the girl and it was the exact moment she was rolling her eyes. “To the girls team, duh!”

“Wait, you’re not going to watch our game?” His eyes moved to Tobio and he looked genuinely curious and confused.

“Uh, yes? Didn’t I tell you that I came here with the girls’ volleyball team? Were you not listening?” The girl was raising an eyebrow.

“I was but…” Tobio’s expression became more confused.

The girl suddenly laughed. “You thought that I came here to watch your game?” she asked, amused. Tobio’s frown deepened which made his classmate laugh a little more. “Bad news, I didn’t come here for you.”

Shoyo’s eyes were just moving back and forth the whole time Tobio and his classmate were talking. He didn’t want to say it but it felt like he wasn’t there. They were talking like it’s just the two of them existing and that being said, he felt another pang in his chest. They seemed close.

“Bye! See you whenever,” the girl said as she ran in the opposite direction. Shoyo watched her back going further away from them and heaved a soft sigh because if they reached one more minute talking, he might not have been able to control himself and he might just suddenly start walking away from them.

“Let’s go,” Tobio said quietly as he started walking. Shoyo followed him but he didn’t walk beside him. He just… he didn’t want to.

No one’s speaking until they regrouped with the team.

It’s funny how his mood shifted one hundred and eighty degrees just because of that.

***

THEY WERE in the third and last set of their final game of the day when suddenly a loud scream took their attention. It’s their serve and Tobio’s the one who’s going to do it.

“Tobio! Don’t you dare lose this match or I will not let you copy my assignments anymore!”

It was the classmate. He quickly took a glance and saw Tobio spinning the ball in his hands like he always did and while waiting for the serve signal, he had that confident smirk. Also, an amused expression was painted on his face.

Not now.

Shoyo closed his eyes, pulled a deep breath, then he let it out at the same time the whistle blew.

❅*❅*❅*

July

EXCEPT FOR the matches, one of the things that Shoyo was anticipating the most was the Fukurodani training camp in Tokyo because that means he got to play and train with some of Tokyo's powerhouse schools. Of course, he also couldn’t wait to spend time with his friends there, especially Kenma who’s kinda influencing him to play games in his free time.

Training camps were never easy. You have to constantly move your body around, you have to keep jumping almost the whole day, you have to be strong enough to be able to keep up with everyone else because in training camps, one practice match was never enough. Basically, it’s not just about improving your skills or making your body stronger enough, but you’re also training your mental strength to hold on no matter how tired you were. And that’s what Shoyo loved about it. He wanted that thrill, that adrenaline, that frustration, because no matter how hard training camps were, it would never have the same thrill or anticipation that the official matches give. It’s like a preparation, an appetizer for the main course.

But look, he’s excited about all those things. Of course, he was. It’s volleyball. But the breaks between practice matches didn’t excite him especially when he noticed how Tobio was smiling while looking at his phone.

It was the second break they were having in the first day of the long-week training camp and it was so hot, Shoyo didn’t even want to go outside the gym because he felt like the sun wanted to burn their skins. All the teams were having some refreshers such as fruits and cold drinks and of course, Shoyo planned to stay with Tobio and you know, spend time with him since they didn’t get to do that the previous year because they kinda had a fight, and they were having their separate practices that time.

So, they were sitting together with some of their teammates and friends from other schools and they were having their refreshers, Shoyo felt like it was really a great time talking and laughing with others when he noticed how Tobio took out his phone and let out a smile after staring into it for seconds. Of course, he didn’t think anything of it. It might be someone he’s very close with, probably his sister, texting him something that could make him break a smile.

But that’s not the only time Tobio did it. Every break that they were having, he kept holding and checking his phone like there was some important message that he needed to read and respond to. When he thought that he was the only one who noticed it because he just couldn’t take his eyes off to Tobio, he was wrong. Many people from the team also noticed how Tobio almost couldn’t let go of his phone, like that’s not very him to always hold his phone especially when they all knew the setter very well, and how rare he was to respond to any of their text messages they sent to him.

“Kageyama!”

Shoyo watched how Tanaka smoothly slid himself beside Tobio, making the latter jump off a little from shock. It was the third day of the training camp and instead of sitting beside Tobio, Shoyo sat beside his Nekoma friends.

“Who are you always texting, huh?” Tanaka asked with a hint of teasing in his voice. “It’s so rare to see you holding your phone but ever since we got here, you’re always busy texting someone.”

Tobio frowned a little, maybe confused because why was Tanaka asking that? “Nothing, just my classmate,” he answered, still.

“Oh!” Nishinoya joined, he looked amused with that smirk on his face. “I feel like it’s that girl from the interhigh! Am I correct? Tell me I’m correct!”

“Ooh, Noya-san, I remember her. The one who screamed”—he cleared his voice and tried mimicking the girl that they were talking about—“I will not let you copy my assignments or something, right?”

“Yes, her! You know what, Ryu? I took a glance at her and she was very pretty,” Nishinoya shared and Shoyo could really feel his excitement about that. He crossed his arms and gave Tobio a narrowed look. “So, I’m not going to be surprised if she’s the reason why Kageyema couldn’t let go of his phone.”

Tanaka put an arm around Tobio’s shoulders and urged him to talk. “Spill it, Kageyama.”

Tobio clearly looked like he wanted to escape from those two from giving him a hot seat but he didn’t know what to say or what to do. His eyes were wandering, probably looking for someone who could help him escape, until his eyes landed on him. Shoyo saw that immediate hope from Tobio’s eyes before he quickly avoided his gaze and turned his head to the people around him. Maybe, he’s getting petty but he was not on the mood to interact with him.

“Yes,” Shoyo heard Tobio a few seconds after, his voice had the hint of defeat from the two senpais. “Yes, it’s her.”

The friends he was talking with turned their heads when suddenly Tanaka and Nishinoya screamed, “I knew it!” together. The people surrounding him looked genuinely confused because of that but Shoyo didn’t turn his head to look at them once more.

“But it’s only because she kept texting me, okay?” Tobio tried to defend himself but Shoyo was thinking that he should know better than that. Those two were suckers for things like that.

“You’re growing, Kageyama. Me, Tanaka Ryuunosuke, is a proud senpai.”

“It’s not like that—”

“It’s okay, Kageyama. You don’t really have to hide it,” Nishinoya said.

Shoyo wasn’t sure if he should be thankful with those two for confirming for him who Tobio had been constantly texting. He was curious but he didn’t know if wanted to know who that was who could make Tobio smile over a text. Tobio who almost never replies to his texts, he wasn’t even sure if he ever made him smile over a text like how he was smiling in this training camp.

❅*❅*❅*

August

IT WASN’T like their time practicing together had reduced, if anything, Tobio was more than welcome to have extra more minutes practicing, as always. But it’s not like it wasn’t noticeable either that their time hanging out whether in school or outside had decreased.

Maybe it’s because he and Tobio were in different classes, someone may think that it’s inevitable that they weren't always together. But they weren’t in the same class as last year too, though?

Shoyo was well-aware that it was because of Tobio’s newfound friend. No, it wasn’t like he’s blaming her.  Shoyo was genuinely happy for his friend… maybe, he shouldn’t lie anymore, should he?

He’s happy for Tobio, yes, but not fully happy with the idea about him being so close with someone who could potentially become his… girlfriend.

He could see it, how close they were becoming. Tobio’s smiles when he’s with her. Shoyo tried remembering all the times that Tobio smiled at him like the ones he’s giving to his new friend and he realized that there wasn’t much, it made him think that… was he not deserving of the same smile that Tobio’s giving to her? It was like it’s so easy to give it to her than it was to him.

❅*❅*❅*

September

THEY WERE eating their lunch in the same room they found when they were in their first year when Tobio suddenly handed him a paper bag.

“What’s this?” he asked, completely confused.

“Just open it and see for yourself!” Tobio replied, or should he say snapped? What’s with the sudden attitude? Shoyo almost rolled his eyes if he didn’t noticed that Tobio’s eyes couldn’t stay still, like he’s looking around the room except to him.

Puzzled, he opened the paper bag and saw a box of chocolates. Expensive chocolates as far as he knew. Shoyo’s mouth opened and his jaw literally dropped on the floor. His heart started to race making him feel a little breathless.

Shoyo didn’t know what to say. His mind was short circuiting because why would Tobio was suddenly giving him a box of expensive chocolates? He was just staring into it as if he’s waiting for it to vanish because what if he’s only dreaming? There’s no way Tobio would suddenly buy him chocolates. Okay, pause. It’s not like that there was zero possibility of that because he knew damn well that Tobio wasn’t so stingy anymore whenever he asked him to buy him pork buns… but chocolates? Expensive chocolates?

“Why?” was the only thing he could say and Shoyo almost wanted to slap himself because how about saying thank you first before asking him why?

“I did tell you that I was going to visit my sister last weekend, didn’t I?” Shoyo nodded though he’s not sure if Tobio noticed it because he’s still not looking at him. “We went outside because nee-san had some things to buy so I tagged along,” he continued. “Then that chocolate shop caught my attention because I suddenly remembered I loved their chocolates in my childhood… and I don’t know…” Tobio’s voice was getting lower, it’s like he’s eating his words, mumbling what he’s saying and Shoyo was unconsciously going closer to him so he could hear him better. “I just thought that… I would like you to taste it since it’s my favorite.”

His neck and ears were burning, Tobio’s. And maybe his, too.

What the hell? Smooth bastard.

All he could do was smile.

And hug him.

Yes, Shoyo didn’t stop himself this time. The moment Tobio stopped talking, all he wanted to do was to hug him. He was thankful and he wanted to convey it not only with words but also through action. For all the times he stopped himself from hugging Kageyama Tobio, he surely regretted all those times, he’s not going to do that anymore.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

Shoyo felt Tobio hugged him back and it felt like relief for all the times they didn’t spend time together. He hugged him tighter for all the times he wanted to call him but he’s busy with his new friend, for all the times that he’s looking at him from far away making him feel like they weren’t as close as before.

“Dumbass.”

He felt Tobio buried his face against his neck and Shoyo almost said it, “I’m in love with you,” like how he didn’t think twice when he hugged him but got scared after a second. What if he ruined the moment by saying it? What if he got rejected? What if this happy moment turned into a sad one? This moment was so sudden that Shoyo wanted it to last longer, a little longer than the bell that’s supposed to ring in another five minutes. He wanted to memorize it, this image of them hugging in the place they called their own. The heat of Tobio’s hug, the rhythm of his breath in his neck. Everything.

❅*❅*❅*

October

IT WASN’T like they were slipping away from each other, but everyone could see the distance.

Maybe because they were busy? Because yes, they definitely were. Except for the semi-finals of the prefectural spring tournament where Karasuno was included in the final four teams, midterm exams were also approaching.

The practices became a little stricter and harder while they had to review all of their subjects at the same time for the exams.

Shoyo turned his head and saw Tobio’s classmate slash new best friend entering the gym. She had been doing that since the start of the month where she’s going inside the gym when there’s only ten or so minutes left in practice, and every time, she always manages to steal everyone’s attention. Her eyes went straight to the setter beside him and motioned a double-time sign. At first, Shoyo was confused because why was she rushing Tobio? Didn’t she know that their practice usually ends in two hours? But he later realized that he was wrong and what she meant by that sign was for Tobio to do everything he needed to do in their remaining practice time. By that, it also means that he and Tobio haven’t had extra practices ever since she started fetching Tobio from the gym.

She had been teaching and helping him, Tobio, with his studies. It’s like she was his personal tutor. Shoyo heard her nagging Tobio once and she’s swearing that she’s not going to forgive him if he failed at least one of his subjects in midterm exams.

Of course, what could he do about them leaving together but just watch them? She wanted good for Tobio, he had nothing to say to that.

Shoyo was feeling empty sometimes, when Yachi, who had been his and Tobio’s resident tutor since first year, was helping him reviewing lessons for midterms because a certain person was not there with them. It has always been the three of them when exams were approaching, or they just needed help with their assignments.

Because of that, they rarely hang out or even talk with each other. Maybe if it’s not for practice, they wouldn’t even see each other anymore.

He’s jealous, that one he could admit. Because that girl had a fine reason to be with Tobio, to hang out with him.

They weren’t slipping away, but the clear distance was definitely there. He could feel that his place beside Tobio was slowly being replaced by his new friend and he couldn’t do anything about it because he could see that Tobio was comfortable with her, like how with him.

Their lunch together was becoming their lunch. Their extra practice together was becoming their time.

All he could do was to watch them because he didn’t have the courage to call Tobio’s name and tell him, “Hey, how about we review together just like old times?” or “Extra practice?” because that distance that’s happening between them means that he’s doing something good for himself.

But couldn’t they do that together?

❅*❅*❅*

November

WOULD THINGS be different if he had given an answer back then?

It's not that Shoyo’s blaming himself for not answering back then, his situation would be understandable, right? It was Christmas and the last thing he could ever expect was to receive a love confession, not just from anyone but from the person he considered his best friend, partner, and rival all at the same time. Who wouldn’t be surprised? And if he was remembering it right, he didn’t mutter even one word anymore until he and Tobio parted ways that night.

Shoyo also remembered that there was a time where he was thinking about wanting to turn back time and repeat that night. Repeat the moment where he and Tobio were watching the fireworks display. He chuckled because he remembered not actually watching the fireworks but instead, he was staring at Tobio’s face illuminated by the different colors of the fireworks. Was it possible? That’s his question. Was it still possible for him to go back to that moment? Because this time he would excitingly tell Tobio that “I feel the same!” that is as loud as the fireworks exploding in the sky. Tobio confessed, and yes, he told him that he didn’t really have to say anything about it because he just wanted to let him know. But really, Shoyo had been wondering. How deep was Tobio’s feelings for him to suddenly blurt out those words without expecting anything in return? How deep was Tobio’s feelings for him to treat him the same as before he said those words to him the next time they see each other again?

Was Tobio also in pain in those times like how he’s feeling the pain right now that he’s remembering all those moments?

Yes, he repeats, he’s not blaming himself because he wasn’t able to say a word after Tobio confessed to him, but the regret was there. He knew he was feeling the same. Of course, he knew. He already knew that he likes Tobio, that’s why he couldn’t remove his eyes from him, right? While everyone else, including Tobio, was so immersed and amazed from watching the fireworks display, his eyes stayed on him. Shoyo knew that he liked him even before Tobio told him he could fly even higher on the stairs they always consider their finish line. Shoyo knew that he liked him when they fought each other during that summer of their first year together and maybe, he could consider that as his first heartbreak if the topic is love.

Shoyo was sitting on his bed as he watched the snow falling and making a pile in their backyard. The snow made him remember Tobio’s confession because he seemed to be waiting for snow that day.

He wanted to go back to that night, so bad.

Where did everything start to change?

Ah yes, when Tobio got close to that transferee in their class.

Back then, it’s because he thought that it’s just fine, that maybe even if he doesn’t say anything back to Tobio about what happened that Christmas, nothing’s going to ever change. Tobio was treating him and talking to him like he always did. If there was a time that he constantly thought about that, maybe it was just a short while. Tobio was acting normal to him, maybe that’s why it just easily slipped out from his mind. He thought that it would always be like how they always were, them being together from morning, lunch, after school practices, until they go home. He thought, it’s only him. Why didn’t he think that someone could come and be Tobio’s closest one?

That transferee… they easily clicked. Shoyo saw how feisty she was with Tobio. He could also feel that she’s really kind too even though when he sees them together, it’s like she’s always nagging him. She’s caring also, there were times that Tobio’s food came from her. She’s not letting Tobio fail his tests, she always lets Tobio copy her homeworks too, and just recently, she was Tobio’s personal tutor.

At first, yes, he was happy for Tobio. He already said that, didn’t he? Finally, he’s hanging out with someone that wasn't from the team… but it didn’t last long. When did he start feeling jealous whenever he sees them together? Was it when they ate lunch together for consecutive days while he was disappointed walking to the room where he and Tobio always eat? Or how many times he looked to the corridor and saw them walking together? Or the very first time he witnessed the interaction of the two?

Shoyo was refusing to think that there’s something going on between them. No, he didn’t know how he would handle that if ever there was.

He chuckled because who was he to get jealous? He didn’t even have the guts to tell Tobio how he felt for him. At the end of the day, what right did he have to feel that way?

Tobio probably was the most awkward person he had ever met, but even so, he still fell for him. How does one person even know how they fell in love with another person? Because he, Shoyo, definitely didn't know how or when he started feeling that way towards Tobio. He didn’t even plan to fall in love with someone to begin with. Tobio has a foul mouth… sometimes, or maybe only to him (and Tsukishima). He definitely would not try to sugarcoat his words for him especially if he needed to hear it. He’s awkward, oh, he already said that, didn’t he? But he’s kind in his own little way. His dedication to volleyball was impeccable that sometimes, it’s making him question if he has that same level of dedication to the sport. But Shoyo wasn’t even sure if any of those was the reason he fell in love with Tobio. Because when he realized it, it was just really random. He was resting for a moment and Tobio was practicing his serves. Tobio jumped, hit the ball, watched it drop close to the line, a small smile appeared in his face and Shoyo could tell how satisfied he was with that serve. Shoyo was staring at the boy who he swore to beat someday and uttered silently, “I like you.”

The snow had stopped and how he wished the pain he was feeling would stop as well. It was colder than the previous days that he needed to cover himself with a thicker blanket, but the cold was familiar. It was like what he feels every time he see Tobio and his friend, whom he couldn’t even introduce to him, looking like they were having fun (even though it wasn’t obvious in Tobio’s face most of the time), it’s the sudden pang of his heart that’s like getting pierced by a sharp ice. It’s cold and painful.

If he had given an answer back then, would he be hurting like this? Was he realizing this too late? He was already hurting. He had been hurting for months. Maybe, he should’ve talked to Tobio about it. If he didn’t get to answer that night, he should’ve talked with him no matter how late it was.

Why did he let his chances passed? All things have their endings and Tobio’s feelings weren’t exempted from that. Could he still hope for Tobio to still have feelings for him? It’s almost been a year since he confessed. Or his feelings had finally vanished? In a span of a year… wasn’t it too short for Tobio’s feelings for him to fade? Was that too easy? Or maybe it’s easy because he had someone new now, someone who he could be as comfortable as with him, someone who he could show the real him, without any pretenses, could be as harsh as he could, and could show his softer, vulnerable side sometimes.

Maybe Shoyo shouldn’t have been too comfortable by fact that he was Tobio’s closest someone. Tobio told him that he just wanted him to know that had feelings for him, maybe he should’ve done the same.

❅*❅*❅*

December 20^th

IT’S TOBIO’S birthday in two days and maybe, Shoyo had mentioned it once when December had started but they really didn’t talk about doing anything about it. That’s why he wasn’t sure either if Tobio had plans with anyone or he’s just going to sleep through it and pretend that it’s only an ordinary day.

Of course, if he remembered, Tobio’s friend would definitely remember it, too. Shoyo’s getting the feeling that she’s that type of friend who’s not going to let such an event pass. That’s why imagine everyone’s surprise when she suddenly showed up in the gym almost an hour after they started their after school practice. She was with their two other classmates and she told them to start ‘abducting’ Tobio. Shoyo gulped when she stepped inside the court and stopped in front of Tobio, while the latter’s genuinely confused, she gave him a smile that Shoyo knew Tobio wouldn’t be able to say no. 

Tobio’s classmates covered his eyes with an eye mask and started guiding him outside the gym while the girl was thanking Yamaguchi for allowing them to get their setter in the middle of the practice.

When the girl also exited the gym, Yamaaguchi called him and asked, “Hinata, you’re not going?”

He was confused, of course, why would he ask him that? So, he answered the new captain, “No,” and followed by “What was that, Yamaguchi?”

“That girl from Kageyama’s class asked me days ago if Kageyama could skip the practice tonight because she was planning an early surprise for his birthday since his birthday falls on Sunday this year.” Oh. “I thought you’re planning it with her.”

Shoyo shook his head. No. 

That’s why throughout the practice that evening, he was not in his mood. They have another setter so he’s still jumping here and there, spiking the ball, but his mind was flying. He kept glancing at the gym door, hoping for Tobio to come in but why was he even waiting for him? Maybe he’s having fun celebrating his birthday. For someone as aloof as Tobio, he’s now getting the group of friends he deserved. It was thanks to his friend, making him involved in everything and everyone.

Last fifteen minutes of practice, he was already taking a rest and he was just waiting for the practice to finish, he’s still glancing at the gym door and until their practice was done, Tobio didn’t come back anymore.

Maybe it was a good thing that he wasn’t the one assigned to lock the gym because what he wanted to do was go home already and lay on his bed. His feeling was heavy and he just wanted to close his eyes and let it pass in his sleep.

Look, Shoyo can call out Tobio about everything. He’s not afraid to tell him that he sucks even when he’s not. He’s not afraid to tease him and make him mad because around Tobio, that’s just how he is and Tobio knows that very well. But recently, he had been depleting when it came to things like planning something to do together. That’s why he couldn’t bring Tobio’s birthday anymore when he had already talked about it once. They weren’t slipping away but the distance was there and that’s the reason why Shoyo felt it like having to bring Tobio’s birthday once again was too personal that he couldn’t step in it anymore. 

He didn’t know if he had done some bad things recently, but destiny must have hated him because the timing was impeccable. He was about to get his bike when Tobio and his friend, and their other friends from their class, bumped into him. And because he wasn’t really feeling well, he just wanted to ignore them, him, and go fetch his bike but Tobio suddenly called him. He tightly closed his eyes as he planned to continue his steps which he did, but Tobio called him again, this time with a louder voice that’s why he had no choice but to turn his head and look at him. 

“What?” he asked, impatient. He also wasn’t sure if he’s showing a pleasant, friendly expression but he didn’t really care about it at the moment. Please, he just wanted to go home. Why did he have to see them?

He noticed how Tobio’s eyes softened while looking at him, but he also looked a little taken aback, probably because of how he reacted to his call. He avoided his eyes and asked, “What do you want?” This time in a softer voice.

“Nothing, really,” Tobio replied. “Forget it, sorry.”

His heart sank right at that moment. Shoyo bit his lower lip a little hard when Tobio started to walk away from him and follow his friends and classmates. The girl was calling him and all of them were all smiles at him, and he, Shoyo, was only staring at his back. 

He wanted to call him, but he didn’t know what he’s going to say. Don’t go? Stay with me? Just this once? “Turn your head on the other side, Shoyo,” he told himself. 

He started walking to where his bike was parked, he really wanted to go home… but he didn’t know what struck him, he u-turned and tried to catch up to Tobio. “Kageyama…” he said but he himself knew that his voice wasn’t loud enough for Tobio to hear. That’s why he sprinted into him even though he wasn’t that far, until got a hold of Tobio’s wrist. “Kageyama.”

Tobio looked at him, wide eyed and lips parted. He looked like he wanted to say something but before Tobio could do that, Shoyo opened his bag to get something and handed it to him. It’s a small and transparent plastic ware. Shoyo noticed how the others also stopped walking and looked at them, that's why he didn’t want to keep Tobio longer. He tried his best to give him his best smile— the one that he always gave to Tobio every time they see each other in the morning, and the one he always give him when they’re about to part ways when going home. 

“Do you remember when I told you that I’m going to make the best cupcakes ever? I did it.” He grinned at him. “Happy birthday, Kageyama.” 

He didn’t wait for Tobio to say anything as he quickly stepped away from them. Shoyo kneeled in front of his bike as he felt his knees giving up. He’s so emotionally drained, he just wanted to sleep.

He was walking home alone. Shoyo could feel the cold breeze of December air despite his thick hoodie, he could feel it in his throat and lungs, and it was not helping because he was trying so hard to swallow the slump that has been forming in his throat since earlier. For the first time in months, he wanted to cry. But he didn’t want to. He couldn’t afford to cry, not when he thought he didn’t do anything about everything. 

❅*❅*❅*

December 25^th

SHOYO WAS thinking how amazing it was that the Christmas day wasn’t snowing unlike the previous days. The sun was out, and it was helping to give a warmer feeling for the holiday season of love and happiness… at least for others.

He didn’t have any plans. He wasn’t even planning to go out of their house and he just wanted to lay on his bed and treat the Christmas day as an ordinary day just like any other days. But he couldn’t stop thinking about the poster he saw the other day. It’s a Christmas festival… at the shrine near Shiratorizawa. It was the same festival as last year. He didn’t want to go, but his body couldn’t stay still. He didn’t have anyone to come with him, and for sure, he would only look like a loner if he decided to go and wander around like a lost puppy.

With all the things he said, his body won and he just stepped out of the bus. It was already early evening, and just like the previous Christmas festival, the shrine was already jam-packed. He entered and that’s when it struck him that he didn’t even know what to do there. His body couldn’t stay still at home and he kept thinking about this festival, but then he got there and he didn’t know what he’s supposed to do. He didn’t even have the appetite to eat anything, nor have the mood to play games.

He looked around and everyone looked happy. Wished he was feeling the same.

Shoyo started walking around and it was like he was going through memory lane from last year. He remembered how he and Tobio walked around first, checked every stall and see what would interest them. Shoyo remembered that one Takoyaki stand and how their mouths burned when they tried eating one because they couldn’t wait for it to cool down. He remembered the okonomiyaki they ate and they were fighting for it because stupid Tobio only bought one. He remembered the delicious yakisoba. He remembered the lemonade the helped the food to go down in their stomachs. He remembered all the games they played, and he remembered how they lost most of them.

He was right when he thought that going to this festival wasn’t a good idea. It would just make him remember how he enjoyed it, how he loved every second of it because he wasn’t alone, because Tobio was there to enjoy everything with him.

Shoyo was in line for the egg sandwich that’s seemed popular with the people there. He still hadn’t had the appetite to eat anything but his attention was taken by the number of people waiting for the food and it made him want it, though he’s not really sure if he could finish it.

As he quietly waited for his turn in the line, above the noise coming from everywhere and all the voices he was hearing at the same time, one voice dominated his ears. He immediately turned his head to where that voice was, his eyes widened as his lips parted, he could feel his heartbeat was starting to race in his chest because there, a few meters behind him was Kageyama Tobio.

Tobio looked annoyed as his hands were full of food. Was he with someone else? And as he asked that question in his head, that girl from Tobio’s class suddenly appeared. Her hands were full of food too and she was all smiles while talking with Tobio. Of course, she’s the one who came with him. Why would he even ask who was with him?

Shoyo removed his eyes from them and instead of waiting for his turn, he stepped out from the line and walked away. He kept walking until he reached that part of the shrine where people no longer go. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He could feel his body trembling at the same time as his heart beating so fast. His feeling was so heavy, he felt like both heaven and earth had struck him down.

“Shoyo, calm down,” he said to himself as he softly tapped his chest. “What is happening to you? Calm down, you dumbass.”

He was right, wasn’t he? He really shouldn’t have come to this festival. He should’ve just stayed at home, lay in his bed and maybe sleep and treat Christmas day like an ordinary day. He probably wouldn’t be this brokenhearted if he didn’t let his body win and came here. Because also earlier this day, maybe, just a little, a teeny-tiny of hope, almost zero percent, he was waiting for Tobio to contact him and ask him to hang out with him.

Has he forgotten about him because he had a new one to hang out with? Thinking about that made him laugh because it hurts so bad that this time, he finally let his tears fall from his eyes. He wanted to go back to that Christmas. He wanted to tell him that he was feeling the same way. He wanted to erase the regrets. He wanted to clear all the what ifs. Because a year had passed and it seemed like he was the only one stuck in there, to that Christmas that was full of regrets.

If only he could go back one year from now, would they be different now? Yeah, it’s a stupid thought, but still, what if?

Who would have thought that his Christmas day would be full of tears? It should be a happy day because it’s an event where most people express their love to one another. He giggled because that’s what Tobio did last Christmas, right?

His tears where continue falling as the snow started to fall too. The weather must be crying with him, accompanying him because he was alone, crestfallen on this one side of the shrine while he’s listening to the happy people celebrating a joyous event.

He wasn’t blaming himself and no, he wasn’t blaming Tobio either. Nothing’s wrong with having a new friend he could hang out with, and their friendship wasn’t even forced either, because they were literally in the same class. How he wished they both worked out to the distance that was starting to widen over time, then maybe, even if he didn’t give an answer back then, as long as they were so close to each other as before, maybe that’s enough. Maybe, the heartbreak won’t be this bad. Maybe, he wouldn’t be crying in this part of the shrine alone.

Shoyo dried off his tears when he heard people coming to where he was. The last thing he needed was to have people look at him weirdly because he was crying alone in the Christmas day. With heavy heart, he walked back from where he walked earlier. He sat to the nearest seat he saw and he immediately realized that this was the same seat where he and Tobio sat last Christmas. Did destiny was really playing on him? He might just suddenly hate these coincidences. But as much as he wanted to change his seat, this was the only available and he couldn’t bear to stand anymore. He was so drained. He didn’t do anything for the day but he was really feeling tired.

There he was again. Shoyo spotted Tobio from a distance and it was like he’s the only one he could he see.

“Hey, I’m here,” he whispered. “Can’t you see me? I’m here.” Tobio was smiling and looked like he was having fun. Good for him. “Kageyama, at least greet me Merry Christmas?” Tears were started to form in eyes again so he had to raise his head and tried to stop it. No, not here. Not where everyone could see him crying.

When his eyes dried up a little, he was a little glad when Tobio was still in the same spot. “We didn’t see other for days. Hey, it would not kill you to ask me how have I been, right?”

A tear suddenly escaped from his eyes making him dropped his head to the table. It was stupid, he should just go home. He wasn’t even sure why he was still staying where everything was just reminding him of last Christmas.

“Hinata?”

He was about to stood up but that quickly stopped him from moving. He didn’t want to look up to him. He had been crying for minutes, his eyes must be very puffed right now.

“Hey,” he said instead. He wasn’t sure if Tobio heard it.

Because his head was a little bent down, he could only see half of Tobio’s body. He saw how it moved and seated in front of him. He could feel Tobio’s eyes on him, staring on his head. They were both quiet and he’s just looking at his hands on top of the table.

“I knew you were the one I saw earlier,” Tobio said, breaking the silence between them. “I sent you a text.”

“I didn’t have my phone,” he quietly said, he’s still not looking at him.

Someone called Tobio and told him that they were just going somewhere. He didn’t hear what Tobio answered to them, and since Shoyo’s still not looking at him, he assumed that Tobio only nodded at them. So, except for that girl, they came here in group?

“I just asked if you wanted to come here again,” Tobio then said.

Oh. What a timing. He must have already left home when Tobio texted him. It once again reminded him that destiny must hate him this Christmas day because he felt like it was playing on him.

“Sorry, I didn’t— I—” he couldn’t continue what he wanted to say because he felt like he was choking. Tears were starting form in his eyes again so this time, he dropped his head on the table. He tried his best to gulp the slump that was forming in his throat. His breath was shuddering and he needed to bit his lip or he would suddenly let out a sob.

“Hinata, hey. Are you okay?” Shoyo felt Tobio’s hand on his and the little squeeze he did so he could completely get his attention. “What’s happening? Are you not feeling well?”

He quietly cried like that for a moment. He didn’t know what he was feeling. One second, he was just looking at Tobio in a distance. Then another second, he’s there, with him. He didn’t know if he was feeling a relief because finally, they were together this Christmas, or he was scared because he didn’t know if another heartbreak was coming. His mind was so messy that he just wanted it to rest right there and then.

But no.

He shouldn’t waste this opportunity anymore, right? For all the chances that he wasted, he shouldn’t let this one go, right?

Shoyo slightly raised his head and muttered, “Kageyama.”

“Hey, are you okay? Wait, are you crying?” Tobio asked, with his voice being confused and surprised at the same time. “Are you really not feeling well?” he sounded very worried, too.

His raised his head completely and as he looked directly into Tobio’s eyes, tears were continue falling from his eyes. Now that he was looking at him, Shoyo could see how confused, surprised, and worried Tobio was. He also let out a small laugh because Tobio was looking like he didn’t know what to do.

“Kageyama…” he called, then he paused. He closed his eyes for a second and took a breath. He opened them again and as he looked straight to Tobio’s eyes, he said, “I’m in love with you.” And let out a chuckle. “That’s…  I’ve been meaning to tell you that for a long time now.” He paused again. He was trying to dry off the tears in his face but he knew very well that it’s useless because tears were continue falling from his eyes. “I’m so stupid, aren’t I? I really chose this day to tell you this when I had so many chances to tell it to you before.”

They fell into silence. Tobio was looking downwards and Shoyo couldn’t tell what he was thinking and he  hated that because even though Tobio almost always have his expressionless face, he could almost always tell what he’s thinking or what he’s feeling. Some even call it his talent because it’s hard for them to decipher Tobio’s thoughts when he could read his face in a glance. But this, he hate it when he’s like this. He hate it when he couldn’t read him. It always made him nervous. He always wasn’t sure if needed to prepare himself for something he wasn’t expecting.

Hey, stop making that face.

“I…” Slowly, Tobio returned his eyes to him. “…told you that I only wanted you to know that I like you, right? I did tell you that you don’t really have to say anything about it?”

A tear dropped as he smiled and nodded his head. “And I was grateful for that because you didn’t put a pressure on me. I just had this… realizations and what ifs and I was regretting that I…” he paused and let himself cry for a second. “You know, I thought that we’re still going to be like how we were in our first year. You… and me, always together. I thought that it was fine if I don’t give an answer to your confession, because you seemed fine with it. Maybe, there was a time that I brushed it off my shoulders because nothing seemed to have changed between us. I thought that it was always going to be fine. And yes, nothing have really changed. We’re still fighting a lot.

“I was just… jealous when you got a new friend. Our time together were becoming your time with her. Our lunches were becoming your lunches with her. Our study sessions became your study sessions with her. I could see how you were smiling whenever you’re texting her, or when you’re just being with her. You looked like you’re very comfortable with her and it makes me jealous because that’s how we were, except for the smiling part.” He let out a laugh. “I sound so selfish, aren’t I?

“I’m scared that you two are already dating. I’m scared that your feelings for me are already gone. I really wanna go back to last year, to that Christmas night where you confessed, and tell you that I was feeling the same.” He let out a sob. “Kageyama, I’m in love with you. Even before that night, even before we win the spring tournament, and even before the fight.”

Shoyo wasn’t sure if he had said everything he wanted to say, but he was hoping that he properly conveyed to Tobio what he really wanted to say. The feelings that bottled up from the past months and his feelings that he had been hiding for a very long time. He’s expecting nothing from him, because just like Tobio last Christmas, he only wanted him to know everything. It wasn’t like something was lifted from his shoulders to make him feel better about it, but he was a little glad that finally had the chance to say what he ever wanted to tell him.

“I’m sorry,” was Tobio’s first words after everything that have said. More so, that was what he was already expecting to hear, his heart sank by those two words from Tobio but he already accepted it even before he said it.

Shoyo was about to say something but he stopped himself when Tobio speak again. “Hinata, I was actually…” he paused, took a deep breath, then he continued. “I was planning to be the worst person you’re ever known tonight.”

“Huh?” A frown was forming in Shoyo’s forehead. “U-uh, worst person? What do you mean?” He’s confused as hell, he didn’t know what to think, what Tobio mean by that. At that moment, he’s just hoping for Tobio not to break him even more.

“I was planning risk our friendship this time, Hinata. I was going to hold you accountable about my feelings. If last year, I told you that you don’t have to say or do anything about it, I’m not going to let you do that anymore because this time, I’m holding you accountable for my feelings for you. I was planning to put a pressure on you, I even wanted you to feel guilty about it.”

Shoyo couldn’t breathe. He was just staring at Tobio. He didn’t want to assume but he… correctly understood what did Tobio was saying, right?

“I was planning to be a really bad guy this time but…” Tobio suddenly clicked his tongue. “You ruined it by confessing first.” Then he took a sigh. “Nothing’s changed, Hinata. I still feel the same way as last year. No, this time, it’s deeper. I’m in love with you and I’m still falling in love with you, every day, my feelings for you are getting deeper and sometimes, I’m worried because I don’t think it will ever change, that I’m going to be trapped in this deep hole alone, forever.

“Hinata, I love you every day. I love you when you smile at me. I love you whenever you call my name. I love you when you’re just there, by my side. I love you even when you’re being the most annoying person ever. I love you that I was willing to take the risk, to be the worst person you’ve ever known, to be the worst friend you’ve ever had. I’m still really, ardently in love with you.”

With that, Shoyo burst into tears.

He didn’t expect that.

Tobio looked so confused when he stood up but he needed to do that to take a breath. He was overwhelmed. Kageyama Tobio, for the second time, confessed to his feelings to him. If what happened was only a dream, could someone wake him up? If that wasn’t real, Shoyo didn’t want that. It would only hurt more; he didn’t want to hope for something that’s not real, that’s not going to ever happen.

But one look at Kageyama Tobio had all it took to know that he wasn’t dreaming, that the second confession was real, that Tobio was and still in love with him.

Tobio stood up, reached for his cheeks and dry up his tears. “I’m sorry if I let you feel like I was leaving you out these past months. I didn’t mean to do that.”

Shoyo shook his head. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Yes, I did. I should’ve been more sensitive about it, to you, who’s closest to me.” Tobio put his forehead against his and closed his eyes. “I’m sorry, Hinata.”

Shoyo stared at him. He couldn’t believe that a time would come that they would be this close. His heart was rapidly racing in his chest, and it was making him have a hard time breathing.

“Kageyama?” he muttered.

“Hm?”

“Am I allowed to do this?”

Tobio opened his eyes and moved his head a few centimeters away from his. “What?”

Shoyo gulped as he tiptoed, he let his lips touched Tobio’s. “This,” he said as he only let it last for a second.

Tobio’s eyes went wide. His lips were moving like he wanted to say something but he couldn’t let the words come out from his mouth. It’s funny seeing him like that because he looked so flustered that he didn’t know what to do. But it was his turn to get shocked and dumbfounded when Tobio suddenly bend his head and put his lips into his. It lasted more than he did and when Tobio moved away from him, he saw him smirking.

“Dumbass. Who the hell would do something before they ask if it’s okay to do it?”

He grinned. Tobio rolled his eyes, with a smile on his lips, and shook his head.

They both turned their heads at the same time when a firework exploded in the sky. It was beautiful and enticing as they always were… but Shoyo moved his eyes to Tobio and thought, ‘oh, he’s more worthy to look at’ because Tobio has always been pretty and the fireworks that’s illuminating on his face was making him more enchanting.

Tobio suddenly looked at him, and even though his heart pounded for second there because he caught him staring, he didn’t dare to look away like he did the previous Christmas, instead, he gave Tobio a smile.

“Merry Christmas,” Tobio greeted.

“Merry Christmas,” he greeted back.

Shoyo then was planning to hug Tobio when he suddenly gasped making Tobio jumped out a little. “Wait!” he said. Confusion was visible on Tobio’s face. He put both his hands to Tobio’s shoulders and asked him, “Kageyama! Date me? Be my boyfriend!”

Tobio suddenly scoffed. “You’re only going to ask me that after you stole my first kiss?” he asked like he really couldn’t believe it.

“So? You stole my first kiss, too,” he shrugged.

“And when is that?”

“After I kissed you.”

“Dumbass, you kissed me first! How can I steal your first kiss when you’ve already kissed me?” Tobio ranted, and he really took a step back so he could express himself better.

“There’s a difference, stupid Kageyama!” he argued in a little louder voice, too. “I kissed you first, that means my first kiss hasn’t been taken yet until you kissed me!”

Tobio let out an incredulous breath. “You are not making any sense, you dumbass!”

“It’s you who’s not making any sense, stupid Kageyama!”

They glared at each other, sending each other an electrified look and Shoyo wouldn’t let himself lose to that if it’s not for someone suddenly bumping into him making himself lost a little balance.

“So? Aren’t you going to answer me?” Shoyo asked after he recomposed himself but got startled a second after when Tobio suddenly grabbed the top of his head.

“No!”

“Why?!”

Tobio pressed his hand a little harder on his head. “Because why do you keep blowing up my plans for tonight, huh?! You confessed first, then you kissed me first, and now, you’re the one who get to asked for us to date.”

“Well, maybe if you’re not a slow poke then you could’ve done those things first before I get to do it!”

They exchanged death glares again to each other when Shoyo had realized something. “Wait. That’s… three strikes for me,” he grinned. “That means that I won tonight!” he cheered.

“Ugh, dumbass.” Tobio rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“But your answer?” he complained, impatiently with his lips pouting.

Tobio glared at him before saying, “This.” As he pulled him once again and gave him a kiss and this time, it was not their lips only touching anymore. Tobio suddenly moved his lips and Shoyo was taken aback that he couldn’t react in the first few seconds until it registered to him that Tobio’s kissing him for real this time, nice and slow, with Tobio’s one hand on his cheek and the other went to his back pushing him closer to him, under the last minutes of the fireworks exploding high in the air.

“Is this enough answer, Hinata?” Tobio asked against their lips. “Or you still want me to put it into words?”

Shoyo got it. He felt it between their lips. But still, he wanted it to hear in words. “Say it,” he whispered.

“Then, yes. I want to be your boyfriend,” Tobio finally answered, and he couldn’t help but let out a smile as they continued kissing.

**

“DO YOU remember when I asked if it snowed already last Christmas?” Tobio asked.

They’re still at the shrine because Tobio said that Yumi told him to wait for her because she had something to give to him.

Shoyo was thinking that after all those months, he finally learned Tobio’s friend name was.

“Yes,” he replied to his question.

Tobio let out a sigh. He took his hand on the table and started fiddling it with his. “I decided that to be my sign.”

“Sign for what?”

“Since it hasn’t snowed yet that day, I decided that if the first snow of the day falls while we’re together, I will confess to you.”

Oh.

“If it didn’t, then I don’t know when I could build my courage again.” Tobio let out a smile. “I’m glad it did. It actually helped me build my courage to confess this time”—Tobio suddenly side-eyed him—“but someone here ruined my plans.”

Shoyo only sticked out his tongue.

They went quiet for a moment. Tobio was still fiddling his fingers while they both watched the people celebrating the last hours of Christmas in the shrine.

It was peaceful, and Shoyo was realizing how he was feeling so good, feeling so light, without the things in his mind that he had been thinking before. He came to this shrine with a heavy feeling, he even broke down at some point, but now, he was feeling the complete opposite. He was happy how this night turned out. That sudden relief when he finally realized that he had nothing to worry about Tobio and about them anymore was so good.

“About Yumi…” Tobio said, breaking the silence between them. “I’m sorry I didn’t introduce her to you.”

Shoyo didn’t speak. He didn’t know what to say. She’s the reason why he had realizations for the past months and he and Tobio being together now suddenly washed his thoughts about her away. Maybe it’s because he didn’t have to worry about them having the possibility date anymore, but she just easily slipped away from his mind.

“All my life, I never had a friend that wasn’t involved in volleyball. I didn’t know how to talk to them because while others are interested in a lot of things, I was only interested in volleyball. But when she came, Okamoto Mayumi, I didn’t know what happened. She suddenly talked to me of all people inside our classroom. She’s interested in all other things except volleyball though, she doesn’t even care about how the game works, even though some of her friends are playing it, including me. You could say that I got intrigued with her? Because while other people find me boring, she kept staying and talking to me, even though at first, I wasn’t really giving her attention. She was easy to be around with, though she’s bossy sometimes, it kinda reminds me of someone.” Tobio side-eyed him after his last sentence. He gave him a glare because what did he mean by that?

“I still don’t know how to properly handle friendships. I kept thinking whether to introduce you to Yumi but I also kept holding myself back because you probably wouldn’t care about it. We’re in different class so there might be no reason to introduce you to each other. I’m sorry.”

What a silly reasoning, Shoyo thought. And he’s so awkward. But that’s just he really is. He’s well aware that Tobio’s still practicing socializing with other people, especially with people outside volleyball. It’s not that he’s having social anxiety or something but… okay, Shoyo would straightly say it, Tobio’s communication skills still sucked. But he couldn’t blame him because maybe, that’s how he grew up, and the trauma that he had been through middle school especially didn’t help. Tobio has always been blunt, that’s why sometimes, it’s better if he just shut his mouth or he would get into trouble. It’s like Tobio’s either one or zero.

“And I’m sorry if you felt like I’m leaving you out for her. It wasn’t my intention to do that.”

“I did feel jealous with her, but don’t worry.” Shoyo slightly smiled. “I understand now.”

But Tobio obviously still looked worried about it, so Shoyo held Tobio’s face to properly faced him. “Hey, it’s okay, now, hm? You don’t have to worry about it anymore.”

“I’m still sorry,” Tobio whispered.

Shoyo shook his head and made their foreheads touched. “It’s fine now.”

He badly wanted to kiss Tobio again when someone interrupted their moment.

“So, are you two finally dating now?”

Shoyo turned his head and saw Tobio’s friend, Yumi.

“Ugh, what do you care?” Tobio asked.

Yumi suddenly pulled Tobio’s ear. “Of course, I care, you idiot! I don’t have to suffer with your longing looks and pining to your bestfriend anymore.”

“A-ah! Let go, it hurts!” Tobio complained. Yumi did let go of Tobio’s ear then she faced him after.

“Hi,” she greeted and waved at him. She’s… energetic, huh.

Shoyo waved back. “Hello.”

“I believe we’ve met a few times alreay. I’m sorry, I haven’t introduced myself yet.”

“Oh, no, no.” Shoyo stood up while shaking his hands. “You don’t have to be sorry about that.”

Yumi offered her hand to do a handshake. “My name is Okamoto Mayumi, nice to finally talked to you.”

“Hinata Shoyo,” he said as he accepted Yumi’s hand.

“Tobio really loves talking about you. Hinata did this, Hinata did that. Hinata, Hinata, Hinata.” She did a mocking hand expression.

Tobio suddenly stood up and yelled, “Hey! That’s not true!”

“It’s true!”

“It’s not!”

“Okay, it’s not true,” Yumi conceded. “Partially not true.” Tobio rolled his eyes. “He really talks about you a lot, Hinata-san.”

Shoyo let out a fake laugh. “I wonder what he says about me to you.” He softly elbowed Tobio in his stomach.

Yumi looked like she was ready to spill something but suddenly stopped herself because… “Just one word, Yumi,” Tobio said that with a hint of threatening in his voice.

Yumi didn’t look fazed with that but she still conceded again. “Okay, okay. Tss, you’re so no fun as ever.”

“I agree. Why is he always like that?” he agreed.

“Right?”

He nodded.

Tobio scoffed. “I can’t believe this.”

Yumi and Shoyo looked at each other and then laughed.

“Anyway,” Yumi said, then she tapped the box she put earlier on the table after she came. “This is the reason why I told you to stay. It’s my gift for you, my dearest scary crow. I’m so proud of you, you finally confessed again.” She covered her lips and acted like she was crying.

“Uhm, actually, I was the one who confessed first this time,” Shoyo said, with his one hand raising.

“Huh? You?” Oops, she sounded disappointed. “He?” Yumi tried confirming from Tobio who only pouted his lips and glared at him.

And to possibly make her more disappointed, Shoyo intentionally added, “I also kissed him first and asked him to be my boyfriend.”

Yumi still looked disappointed for a few seconds until her expression changed, probably because it finally sank to her what he just said. “Wait, kissed?” she gasped loudly as she covered her mouth. “You two kissed?! Oh. My. God. Wait, for real?” Shoyo nodded. “For real?” she asked to Tobio.

“I initiated the second and third, though,” Tobio said, not really letting himself lose.

“YOU KISSED THREE TIMES TONIGHT?!”

Shoyo’s jaw dropped as his eyes widened and let out little laughs after, while Tobio quickly went to Yumi to cover her mouth.

“What the hell, Yumi?” Tobio asked in disbelief.

Yumi tapped Tobio’s hand against her mouth and Tobio’s easily let her go. “Sorry, I just got excited.” She was giggling and then acted like she was crying again. “Tobio, nevertheless, I’m still proud. You made me proud, my dearest scary crow.” She hugged Tobio while gently tapping his back. She even tried to hug him but Tobio quickly avoided her attempt.

“Ugh, stop it. What are you, my sister?” Tobio annoyingly pushed her.

“No, I’m your grandma. You’re so disrespectful, you just turned my age a few days ago,” Yumi criticized.

“So? You’re just a few months older than me.”

Shoyo was just smiling while watching the two bickered at each other. He could probably guess why those two clicked to each other and became close friends. And uh, he wasn’t sure if he could say it but their bickering kinda reminded him of them, he and Tobio. Nevertheless, Tobio earned a good friend.

“Hinata…-san,” Yumi called. “Can I call you in your given name since I call Tobio in his and you two are now dating and we’re friends now, right?” Shoyo was a little taken aback when Yumi suddenly held both his hands and showed him puppy eyes. He looked at Tobio who only shrugged at him. He smiled at Yumi and slowly nodded. “Yes! So can I just call you in your given name, please? Please?”

“Uh, uhm, of course, no problem, Mayumi…-san?” Shoyo said, hesitantly.

“Call me Yumi!” she insisted.

“Yumi…-san?”

“Yumi only!”

“Yumi…-chan?”

Okay, was this supposed to be this hard? He could feel his back starting to sweat.

“Hm, if you’re going to call me like that then…” She put a finger in her chin and think for a second before she showed her a nice, pretty, and big smile. “Let me call you Sho-chan!”

She’s a sunshine, that’s for sure.

He’s aware how other people were calling him sunshine for having a bubbly personality and he loved it. And now, he’s seeing a fellow sunshine, he could feel that they would really get along well. Hopefully.

“Sure, Yumi-chan!”

“Sho-chan!”

And they giggled together.

“So, are you two done?”

They both glared at Tobio. “Killjoy!”

“Oh, wow. I feel like there are two dumbasses suddenly,” Tobio said with a flat voice. Yumi sticked out her tongue.

“Okay, I will not hold you two any longer—”

“Oh, believe me. You interrupted us way longer than you think,” Tobio said after cutting Yumi off.

“You know what, you’re such a jerk!” Yumi rolled her eyes and tried to hit Tobio in his arm but the latter quickly dodged it. “Okay! I’m leaving now since my boyfriend is also waiting for me! Happy?”

Tobio didn’t answer.

Yumi clicked her tongue then she faced him. “It was really nice meeting you and finally talking to you, Sho-chan.”

Shoyo smiled and nodded. “Likewise.”

She glared to Tobio first before taking her leave… but she turned again to them after a few steps and suddenly put something on the table. It took Shoyo a second to realized what that was and he felt his face suddenly burning up and probably became as red as the ripest tomato ever. “Be safe, kids!” she said loudly while laughing at the same as she ran away from them.

“Yumi, you—” Tobio tried to chase Yumi but she quickly got away.

Shoyo could only laugh despite the embarrassment Yumi put them.

Tobio threw that thing in the trash bin before offering his hand and asking him, “Let’s go?” He gladly accepted his boyfriend’s hand and they started walking out the shrine.

He decided to have a sleepover at Tobio’s house. And oop! Tobio threw that thing in the trash, remember? They were not planning anything but just sleep sleep together. And maybe, eat the cake that Yumi gifted them. That would be perfect with a hot chocolate.

Shoyo stared at his boyfriend as they walk. He still couldn’t believe how this night turned out, how their second Christmas together became so special.

His past year was full of overthinking and regrets. He kept coming back to their first Christmas together. Started to think what would happen if he had given an answer back there and then. A year had passed and he, Shoyo, didn’t think that he had never gotten over that. He watched Tobio getting closer with someone that’s not him, he started to think and feel that he was lonely.

Seeing Tobio having fun with someone on Christmas day felt like a final blow on him. Shoyo remembered how he cried because he couldn’t take the emotions he had been suppressing inside him for months anymore. The pain became so unbearable that he needed to let it out, he never imagined feeling like that. Hell, he never even thought that a day would come that he’d breakdown in a public place.

This Christmas was a rollercoaster of emotions for him. He was alright in the morning but after everything that’s needed to do, it’s like his brain just automatically brought back all the thoughts he had pushed aside so he could enjoy his time with his family. Just a snap and everything came back in his mind. He was sad and confused. He went to the same shrine that he and Tobio went the previous year and it just made him more dejected because it brought back memories. He saw Tobio and Yumi and thought that it’s only the two only them and that made his heart break into pieces. The pain was insufferable that he needed finally let himself cry. Tobio talked to him and he didn’t let that chance go anymore, he told him the things he had been wanting to say, he confessed and Tobio confessed to him too, again. The relief was unimaginable that he couldn’t believe that it was really happening. He was over the moon, Shoyo couldn’t really remember how he reacted to it. Did he jump from happiness? No, he didn’t think so. But he was the one who initiated their first kiss right? And then Tobio gave him twice and it felt like he was on cloud nine. The lightheartedness was immediately replaced the heavy feeling he had been feeling for months. The cold tears that felt like the snow were replaced by warm smiles and warm heart. The loneliness was replaced by happiness.

That was such one wild ride of emotions in one day, or more so, in one night.

“What?” Tobio asked when he noticed that he’s staring at him.

“Hm? Hmm.” Shoyo shook his head.

“Look at where you’re walking because you’re a dumbass, you might suddenly tripped.”

Okay, this guy had really a talent to ruin his every moment. Tsk.

“Kageyama.”

“What?”

He tiptoed and gave his boyfriend a kiss on his cheek. “I love you,” he said then dashed away from him. He glanced at Tobio and saw that he’s still flustered at his kiss, his lips were opened and his eyes widened. Tobio recovered after a few seconds and started chasing him.

“Hinata, you dumbass!”

From that Christmas that was filled with regrets to this Christmas that just became one of the most memorable ever.

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