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Dorian loathed to admit it, truly he did, but he was about ready to give in. He held himself so highly his whole life. Tall and proud and regal, all for his family, for his father, and where did it get him? His head pounded from where his father's grunt had hit him, not hard enough to put him out, but still, his world spun around him. He wanted to continue to fight back, he was strong, he trained his whole life to be a force to be reckoned with. He didn't have his staff, but he was fit, he trained in hand to hand combat, and if he broke the hold these slaves had on him he could call forth his magic, but was there a point? He would have no home if he escaped, no family. Wouldn't it just be better to let this happen? To let his father change him? He already spent the last twenty five years of his life lying to please the man, but that wasn't enough. Maybe he would find a sick kind of peace in letting this part of him die.
"It will be over soon, my son," his father said. Dorian dared not look at the man. He's not entirely sure he could handle watching as his father betrayed him so thoroughly. When he did finally raise his head eyes snapping immediately to the bundle held in his father's arms. The face he saw was contorted as it silently screamed. Tears and snot trailing down the dark complection of an infant’s face as his father held it out with one hand, a dagger in the other, as the other mages in the room chanting in low voices.
***
Dorian wasn't sure how long he had been running. He was covered in blood, not all of it his own, he could feel the side of his face swelling and knew that something was probably broken, but he didn't have the mana reserves to draw the magic he would need to heal it. His feet dragged on the ground until he couldn't bare to take another step. Sharp pain shot through his body, starting at his knees when he dropped to them. He gasped for breath, his lungs burning. He was probably still being followed, but he had evaded his pursuers, and could not go on any longer. He looked down at the infant he cradled to his chest. His arms ached from holding it but he dared not loosen his grip.
"Hush now little one," he murmured against the whimpering babes dark curls. "You're safe now, I have you."
***
Dorian looked up at the darkening sky and frowned at the clouds gathering overhead. He needed to find shelter before the storm started. He looked down at Amadeus, who was sleeping as he carried him on his hip. His dark hair was a haphazard mess of tangled curls atop his head, he'd be needing a haircut once they had shelter. Dorian tucked a lock of his curls behind a long tapered ear as he shifted the boys weight, trying not to disturb his sleep while also attempting to switch carrying arms.
From somewhere behind him on the trail he heard voices. He stepped off the trail and behind a tree, it wasn't entirely unlikely some of the men at the inn they were denied service at wanted to ‘teach the 'vint a lesson for coming into their country’.
"Bloody ox-men think they have a fuckin' right," he heard one voice slur.
"Fuckin taught them a lesson, ey Pierro?" Another chuckled obnoxiously. They were practically on top of Dorian now, and one wandered a bit too close to his hiding spot for his liking to take a piss. They chatted for a while about 'showing those horned freaks what for' before continuing down the path.
Once they were far enough away Dorian stepped back onto the path. Ox-men?, he thought to himself. Qunari this far south? Must be Vashoth. His curiosity got the better of him and he wandered back up the path, the opposite direction from where he was heading before, and the opposite direction from the rowdy drunks. When he reached the fork in the road that would take him back to the previous town he took the other path, and it wasn't much longer until he found a raided merchants coach. Qunari corpses beaten bloody on the ground. A man and woman, a young couple from the looks of it .
He was about to turn to leave, not wanting to risk Amadeus waking to see this carnage. He had to do his fair share of killing to survive, but he did his best to shelter his child from needless violence, and the storm that was brewing was now letting out low groans of thunder in the distance. He started up the path, when he heard a whimper from under the carriage. He placed Amadeus off the path, gently rousing the little elf from his slumber, and pressed a finger to his lips to signal that he was meant to be quiet. A motion the child mimicked to show he understood. When Dorian was sure his son was safe he pulled his staff from his back and lowered himself to look under the coach, to find wide, terrified eyes staring back at him.
“Fasta vass,” he swore under his breath, and in an extra cruel twist of fate the rain started falling hard around him.
***
There was an army, a massive army, marching on Haven. They were no fortress, they were not prepared for this kind of fight. Cullen needed to make a plan, needed something. He would not let his people die.
"If someone could open this, I'd appreciate it!" a voice called after a banging on the gates. The Herald rushed forward before Cullen oppose, and the gates swung open to show a man, dark and elegant looking, despite the dirt on his face, and blood dripping down from his hairline. He was kneeling on the ground, balancing himself with one hand on his staff. The other arm held a small elven child, no older than five, and behind him stood a tall but thin Qunari child. His stance was defensive but not at all aggressive as Cullen rushed forward.
"Ah," the man gasped out, trying to stand. The Qunari girl was staring wide eyed at the sword he hadn't realized he had drawn. He sheathed it as he stepped closer. "I came to warn you, fashionably late, I'm afraid." The man, a Tevinter, if his accent was anything to go by, said. He swayed on his feet and before Cullen knew what he was doing his arms where around the man, holding him up before pulling away with the child when he was righted.
"Might exhausted," the Tevinter continued, his hands still on the elven child as his eyes searched Cullen's, as if trying to read him. "Don't mind me." The Qunari rushed forward and clung the the man's side. Cullen wasn't sure if she was trying to anchor him, or herself.
"My name is Dorian Pavus, and I bring grave news from Redcliff," He said, not taking his eyes off of Cullen and the child he held.
After Dorian explained what he knew the Herald demanded a plan from Cullen. He made to hand the child back to the mage, but the man was barely able to hold himself up, so Cullen handed him off to one of the scouts nearby and ordered them to get him to safety. That received a frustrated noise from their visitor, but he nodded then and turned to the girl.
"Vitka, go with your brother, keep him safe, I'll find you later," The mage said as he leaned down to place a kiss between her horns. The girl nodded and wrapped her arms around the man in a tight hug before she ran after the scout, glancing back over her shoulder occasionally until they were out of sight.
When Cullen made it to the chantry Dorian was already there, using his magic to help heal the injured that had already congregated there, often glancing over to the corner where the children he came with were huddled together, the young girl doing her best to quell the younger boys crying. Cullen felt a pang in his heart for the children. They might have been able to fend off the army, but a Dragon? There was little left that they could do. Dorian disagreed.
"That is not acceptable, I didn't race here to warn you, only for you to drop a mountain on my children." It wasn't until their debate started picking up heat that Chancellor Roderick spoke up about a hidden path, a way to save the people of Haven.
***
Cullen saw little of Dorian or his children on the journey to Skyhold, though he heard many whispers. Mostly viscous rumors of how he acquired the children, how they were his slaves, or how he would use them as blood sacrifices. He heard slurs such as ‘vint, knife-ear, and ox, thrown around at all three of them, as people spoke of the man who had risked his life, and the life of the children he cared for to warn them. A man who had healed their wounded and possibly saved their lives.
He also saw little of them when they reached Skyhold. As commander he was busy from the moment they arrived, arranging troops and advising the newly anointed Inquisitor. One of the scouts Leliana had assigned to him informed him that the mage frequented the library, and once he had the time he made his way to the alcove the man seemed to carve out for himself.
The girl, Vitka he recalls Dorian calling her, sat on the floor, sounding out words to an impressive looking book for her age, while the elf played next to her. Dorian himself was browsing the shelves of his alcove, searching for something. Cullen stood there for a moment, not sure how to approach the man. He held himself well, he was obviously a noble, a Magister perhaps? And he was gorgeous, now that Cullen had the time to notice. High cheekbones, tanned skin, perfectly coiffed hair and a ridiculously styled moustache that shouldn't work for anyone but somehow only made him more attractive. Cullen didn't realize he was staring until a meek voice brought his attention back.
"Papa, the lion man is here," Vitka said, peeking over her book. The way she stared at Cullen with her wide dark eyes was a bit unnerving, but he reminded himself that she had first seen him armed and in full armor. It was only natural that she was wary of him.
"Ah, what do I own this pleasant surprise," Dorian said leaning easily on the bookshelf he was recently purusing. Cullen cleared his throat, and rubbed awkwardly at the back of his neck before speaking.
"Hello, Lord Pavus-"
"Oh, do call me Dorian, I haven't been 'Lord Pavus' since I left Tevinter."
"Right, Dorian then. Uh, I wanted to apologize."
"Apologize? What ever for, my dear Commander," Dorian asked, his head cocking to the side curiously.
"For Haven. Our argument I mean. Also the way people have been treating you. You risked your life, and your children’s lives to warn us, you deserve better."
"First, you have nothing to apologize for about Haven. You where doing what you thought was right. It wasn't, but there were few other options at the time. I should apologize for what I said. Calling you a bloodmage was unworthy. Second, there is nothing you can do about what people say about me. You don't have to apologize unless you are one of the people saying them. I've been the 'scary mage from Tevinter' terrorizing the south for five years now, I'm quite used to what that means for me," Dorian waved his hands dismissively before glancing over his shoulder at the children. When he was sure that they weren't listening he stepped in closer to Cullen, causing him to blush.
"I would ask though, that you keep an ear out for anyone insulting Vitka. She doesn't say anything but I know people have been rude to her, and I know it bothers her. She's as used to being an outcast as I, but I won't tolerate people berating my child. As far as I know she and Bull are the only Qunari in Skyhold and she doesn't need people calling her an ox or poking fun at her horns to know that she is different, and she definitely doesn't need people making her feel that she is anything less than perfect."
Cullen was shocked at the heat in Dorian's words, though he's not entirely sure why. The man obviously loved those children, even if they were not his by blood. He nodded and with that Dorian seemed pleased, stepping back out of Cullen's space. Some part of Cullen wanted to say something else, to find an excuse to talk to the man, but instead he just nodded back before turning to leave.
***
Dorian wasn't entirely sure when it started happening, but he and the Commander started meeting weekly for a game of chess in the garden. He wouldn't admit it to anyone but it was his favorite part of the week. While he and the Commander whiled away hours at the board Vitka and Amadeus would play in the garden, or receive lessons from the chantry sisters who frequented the area. It was a moment of peaceful reprieve from what felt like endless hours of childcare, research and the occasional trek through the countryside to hunt Venitori, demons, and red Templars.
He could often get someone to watch the kids when he did leave Skyhold. Vitka adored Bull, both of them loved Varric, and Cole seemed an almost constant presence. Josephine had hired a nanny for him but she wasn't often used. Usually whichever members of the inner circle weren't off with the Inquisitor where more than happy to watch the two, but that never stopped Dorian from missing them. He couldn't help but smile as he watched the two playing at the other end of the garden. Vitka explaining something to her brother, arms waving wildly as she spoke even though he seemed more preoccupied with the flowers in his hands.
"Your turn, Dorian," the Commander said leaning back in his chair with a cocky smirk, he had this match, Dorian knew it but he wouldn't go down easily. At least not at chess, he thought, silently chastising himself for the thought. The Commander was off limits. He was handsome, noble, and had his own sort of charm, but sadly out of reach, and Dorian would not risk this easy friendship for anything more. It was one of the few he had.
"You have to accept your inevitable defeat, Commander, you'll feel much better," Dorian said, moving his knight in a way that would keep him in the game for two more turns.
"You say that every time Dorian, and somehow, I still always win."
"Are you sassing me Commander? Whatever am I going to do with you," Dorian said as he made his final move, in the next turn Cullen would take his tower, leaving him in check. Cullen opened his mouth as if to say some rebuttal, but closed it and decided to focus on the game. Dorian felt his eyebrows raise a bit as he watched the other man squirm for a moment, that delightful blush of his tinting his cheeks.
"It looks like I've won yet again. Perhaps we can have a rematch, there is still plenty of daylight left, you might be able to actually win this one."
"Look how smug you are," Dorian chuckled, "If I keep letting you win like this there will be no living with you I swear!"
"Letting me win? I'm sure," Cullen snorted out an endearing laugh, and Dorian began setting up the board for another game.
"Papa, Papa!" Vitka giggled, jogging over to the chessboard hiding something behind her back. Amadeus followed not far behind swinging a ring of flowers as he ran.
"Yes Princess?" Dorian responded, beaming at his little girl as she smiled up at him.
"I made you something," she said, her dark eyes sparkling. "Close your eyes." Dorian complied, feeling as she placed something on his head.
"There!" she exclaimed. "You look so pretty Papa."
"Thank you, Princess," Dorian said, lightly feeling at the ring of flowers that now circled his head like a crown. "You were sure to ask before you picked any of these right?"
"Of course," She replied, rolling her eyes. She then turned her dazzling smile to the Commander. "We made you one too, Lionman," at that Amadeus held out his circle of flowers to the Commander, a smile of his own.
"Oh, thank you very much," Cullen said, donning his new crown with a slight blush. "It's very pretty."
"Are you going to make ones for yourselves?" Dorian asked. "You would look lovely in flowers."
"I'll make one for Ami, but they won't fit around my horns," Vitka said softly, looking away from her father.
"Well then we'll have to wrap them around your horns, no? And maybe we could braid some into your hair."
"Really," she asked, her eyes bright as she looked up at him.
"Of course, my heart, lets go pick some flowers out for you," Dorian stood from his seat and turned to Cullen. "I apologize for cutting our game short-"
"No need Dorian," the Commander cut him off, standing as well. "I should be on my way as it is, I'm sure I have a thousand reports waiting for me in my office," he said before bowing to Vitka and Amadeus. "Thank you My Lady, Lord Amadeus, I'll wear my flowers with pride," and with that he turned to leave, glancing back over his shoulder once with a small smile and something in his eyes that Dorian couldn't quite read, but it felt like it meant something.
***
Cullen was used to people coming into his office uninvited. Unexpected visits from the Inquisitor, scouts bringing him reports or just using his office as a shortcut across the ramparts. He was rarely surprised when someone barged into his office without so much as knocking. He was surprised when he heard a gentle knock on his door, so much so he almost forgot to answer, and he was surprised when it was little Vitka who entered his office.
"Hello, Messere Lion," she greeted timidly and he couldn't help but smile at the nickname.
"Hello Lady Vitka, what can I do for you?" He knew Dorian was out with the Inquisitor, as were Bull and Cole, so it was likely she was meant to be with Varric or the nanny. It wasn't out of the question that she snuck away, she was an adventurous spirit and Dorian often trusted her to wander Skyhold on her own as long as she stayed in the castle proper or main courtyard, but that she had come to him was unusual. "Shouldn't you be with your nanny? Does she know where you are?"
"Yes," the girl said vaguely, drawing out the word a bit before continuing. "Ami is practicing his letters and maths with the nanny so she doesn't have time for me. Varric is too busy to play and I don't know where Sera is."
"Ah, so I'm your last choice then?" Cullen teased and Vitka stepped further into the room.
"No! If you were busy I would ask Lady Seeker, but I wanted to ask you first," she said, nervously playing with an errant strand of hair that had escaped her braid.
"And what were you going to ask me?" Cullen asked, standing from his desk to walk over to the girl. She was very tall for her age, standing only about a head shorter than him, but that would be natural for a Qunari. She shuffled awkwardly on her feet for a moment before straightening her back and lifting her chin.
"You teach the soldiers how to fight, yes?"
"I do."
"I want to learn how to fight. With a sword."
"Oh," Cullen was a bit surprised by the girl. She often watched as he and Cassandra trained new recruits, or when members of the inner circle made use of the sparring ring, but she tended to avoid conflict, opting often to instead bury herself in books. "And does Dorian know of this new interest of yours?"
"I, no. Please don't tell him. He worries about us, he doesn't think we see it but he worries about us all the time. He tries really hard to protect us and he does a really good job. He takes care of us, and sometimes he forgets to take care of himself. I just want to help. I want to protect him because he's too busy to remember to do it himself."
Cullen couldn't help but stare at Vitka for a moment. She looked so much like her father, somehow. The passion in her voice as she spoke, the determination in her eyes. The two couldn't be any more different physically, her long white hair compared to his short black locks, her black eyes compared the the stormy grey of his, the soft curves that made her face, young and delicate, compared to his sharp feature. But in that moment, Cullen looked at this young girl and saw Dorian.
He knew he should say no, or at least insist that she ask Dorian first, but what harm could there be in teaching her the basics. He was thirteen when he went to train for the Templars, she wasn't much younger. At least if he did this then someone would be watching her. He let out a sigh as he glanced at his pile of work.
"Let me finish a few more reports, than we can go over the basics, but nothing more until you ask your father, am I clear?"
"Thank you Lionman!" The little Qunari exclaimed, throwing her arms around Cullen. "Don't worry, when I'm a strong warrior I'll protect you too."
***
"You gave my daughter a sword?!" Dorian burst into Cullen's office, causing him to drop the pile of reports he was moving, sending them scattering across the floor. Cullen glowered at his new mess before turning his glare to Dorian.
"A wooden sword, yes," Cullen said, kneeling down to pick up his scattered reports, trying to ignore the ache behind his eyes and the way his hands trembled. "It's a toy, I didn't see the harm in it."
"Oh? and you don't see the harm in teaching an eleven year old how to use that 'toy'? Without even asking me?" Dorian slammed his hands down on Cullen's desk and he almost flinched from the spike of pain the noise sent through his head.
"Dorian," Cullen said firmly. "I started my Templar training when I was thirteen. Many knights start their training at a young age-"
"My daughter is not a knight and she is not one of your soldiers! You have no right!"
"She came to me asking for me to train her. All I did was give her a toy sword and show her some stances. You're overreacting," Cullen was being short with the man. He wished he could be more patient but his headaches plagued him and Dorian's yelling was grating.
"She is not some Southern barbarian, she is not a soldier, and you do not get to decide what is right for her."
"And you do? This is a dangerous time, if something were to happen she should be able to protect herself."
"I protect her. I have protected her for the past 3 years and we have been more than fine on our own, Serah Lion," Dorian's voice was a growl as he spoke. "She doesn't need to fight. She's intelligent, she'll make a fantastic scholar one day. That is what would be best for her, not galavanting around putting herself in danger."
"That's what you want for her. I know you think this is the best way, but maybe it’s just what's best for you, have you even asked what she wants?"
Something flashed over Dorian’s face. It was a small moment, a waver in the mask he wears that Cullen would have missed if he wasn't so used to looking at said mask. It was hurt, sad, afraid, but it was gone as quickly as it was there. Dorian braced his weight on Cullen's desk as he leaned forward to look him in the eyes as he spoke, and Cullen rounded out his shoulders. He wasn't particularly intimidated by the man, but if looks could kill Cullen would have died on the spot.
"You still have yet to formally ask permission to train my daughter in the martial arts. If, and only if I say yes, you may train her under my supervision, and I would trust that you would not put her in any danger. You are my friend Cullen, my closest friend and one of the very few I have," Dorian said, leaning back off of the desk to cross his arms. His jaw was still clenched and his eyes held no less heat, but he spoke in a softer tone, for which Cullen was almost grateful. "But that does not mean you have the right to make decisions about my children without my consent first."
"You're right," Cullen said, letting out a long sigh, attempting to massage the pain from his temples. "I'm sorry. I should have asked you first. May I continue to train Vitka?"
Dorian chewed on his cheek for a moment. He refused to look directly at Cullen for a moment before finally taking a deep breath before sighing out a 'yes'. The mage turned to leave before Cullen could say anything else, but he hesitated in the door frame. He looked over his shoulder, fidgeting slightly in a way that was uncharacteristic for the man and it set Cullen as on edge as their argument had.
"Can I expect to see you at chess this week, Commander?" He finally asked and Cullen could feel himself relax exponentially.
"I wouldn't miss it for the world," Cullen replied with a small smile, which the mage returned.
***
"I like the Lion man," Vitka said matter-of-factly.
"I would hope so, he is your instructor," Dorian said as he ran his fingers through his daughters damp hair, twisting it into a long braid. He had given up and trying to dissuade her from calling Cullen Lionman or any variation of it. At least the Commander didn't seemed bothered by it.
"Do you like the leo? He's very nice," Vitka asked with an air of innocence as she picked through her jewelry box on the floor.
"He's a good friend," Dorian answers. He knows what she's getting at, and doesn't want to fuel whatever fantasy she has in her head. Cullen was a good man, handsome, kind, and both Vitka and Ami adored the man. He did his best not to imagine what it would be like, to love the man, to give his children a family with two parents who loved them, or what it could possibly feel like to feel the man's love himself. Cullen was a good man, truly, but Dorian wasn't going to delude himself into thinking that they could be anymore than friends.
"He likes you," Vitka all but declared. "He asks about you a lot," she continued as she handed Dorian a set of gold bracelets that he had repurposed to fit on her horns. "I think he misses you when you go away."
"As he should, Skyhold is so very boring without me in it I'm sure," He said as he clasped a gold ring around each of her horns. Vitka let out a frustrated huff as she stood up and gave him a dissatisfied look. After a moment of rolling her eyes at him she twirled around letting her dress spin out around her.
"How does it look," she asked with a wide smile at her father.
"More lovely than any Princess in Thedas," he relied, meaning every word of it. His daughter's responding smile could outshine the sun.
***
Cullen felt a strange sense of loss today. Dorian was called away on a last minute mission with the Inquisitor that morning, thus they had to cancel their chess match. It's not that they hadn't had to cancel and reschedule in the past, with Dorian being one of the Inquisitor's favorite field mages and Cullen's hectic schedule, but every time it happens he finds himself more and more disappointed. He does his best to ignore the empty feeling as he throws himself into his work, and decides to blame it on his withdrawal, rather than acknowledge that he may or may not have feelings for the mage.
The summer sun is setting when the Inquisitor practically bursts into his office. He stands immediately from his desk and hand reaching for his sword when he notices how shaken they look. He asks what's wrong, if they are under attack, but in the back of his mind all he can think is that if the Inquisitor is back Dorian must be as well, and if the Inquisitor looks so distraught something may have happened to him.
"Cullen, no, we aren't in any immediate danger," The herald says, closing the door behind them before stalking closer to his desk. "It's Dorian-"
"Is he hurt," Cullen cut off the Inquisitor, feeling his stomach drop.
"No! No, not physically. I made a mistake Cullen, he’s refusing to speak to me and frankly I can't blame him. Please, go talk to him, I'll look after the kids." The Inquisitor offered little more than that on what had happened, but that didn't matter, if Dorian needed him he would be there. When he got to the man's quarters he knocked on the door, but solicited no response.
"Dorian?" he called softly, but there was still no response. He knocked again. "Dorian, please. It's Cullen, please open the door." He waited for what felt like an eternity and right before he could cave and knock again he heard the lock click. He waited a moment before cautiously opening the door and stepping into the room.
It was poorly lit, the only light was the twilight that seeped through the window. Dorian looked a mess. His hair was disheveled, and as the man ran his hand through it as he leaned against the window frame Cullen could guess why, his regularly pristine clothing was rumpled and dirty, and though the man refused to look directly at him Cullen could tell he had been crying recently. His heart ached and he was by the man's side before he was sure of what he was doing.
"Dorian," he murmured as he placed a hand gently on the mage's shoulder. "Maker, what happened?" he asked as he pulled him into a hug, rubbing soothing circles along his back as the man half sobbed half laughed into his shoulder.
"I must look rather ghastly right now," Dorian said as he pulled away, just far enough to wipe away the tears that threatened to spill past his eyelids. "What must you think of me now?" Cullen pulled his gloves off and gently brushed his thumbs under Dorian's eyes, wiping away the kohl that had smudged around them. He could smell the alcohol on the man's breath and could see half empty bottles scattered around the room.
"I think no less of you Dorian. Please, just tell me what happened. Are you alright?" Cullen let the man step away from his embrace, even though he wanted nothing more than to cradle him in his arms and tell him that he was going to be alright, that he would keep him safe.
"No, not really," the mage sighed as he picked up one of the open bottles and sat on the edge of his bed. "The Inquisitor tricked me into going to see my father." Cullen wasn't entirely sure how to respond to that, he knew little of Dorian's past and family, only that he was considered a pariah and had not returned home for some time. When he said nothing Dorian took a long drink from the bottle in his hand and continued.
"I prefer the company of men you see, and my father, well he did not approve. I was his heir, I was supposed to be the perfect mage, perfect body, perfect mind. The perfect leader, bred and raised to be Archon. Instead I was deviant, an aberration from the norm, a shame upon my family name. I refused to live a lie for him. Selfish I suppose, not wanting to spend the rest of my life screaming on the inside."
"No one should have to Dorian, no one could blame you for leaving," Cullen said as he settled on the bed next to Dorian, he accepted the bottle as the man offered it to him. He wasn't sure what was in it but it was strong and he nearly choked on it.
"He-" Dorian cut himself off with a sob before regaining his composure a bit. "He tried to change me. He taught me to hate blood magic. 'The result of a weak mind.' Those are his words. But the first thing he did when I refused to play pretend for the rest of my life?" Dorian took a shaky breath before taking the bottle back from Cullen and taking a deep drink from it. Cullen's throat felt tight. He wanted to say something, anything but he couldn't get his own emotions under control. He tried not to think of abominations painting the walls with the blood of his brothers-in-arms, of Kirkwalls streets running red with blood magic, and especially of Dorian falling victim to similar violence. As he opened his mouth to speak Dorian continued before he could say anything.
"I almost let it happen you know," he said, his voice sounding far away. "I tried to leave before it was too late, but I was intercepted by his guards. They had me outnumbered, and I couldn't see a point in fighting it. 'Maybe it will be better this way' I thought to myself. I thought that maybe if I let it happen, if i changed for him we could all be happy. But I didn't want that, not really. I wanted to believe he wouldn't go through with it, that he wouldn't risk my life, or more, just to avoid scandal. He kept me prisoner for months before he made his move," when Dorian turned to him there was a new fire in his eyes, they still burned with pain and betrayal, but now they were met with a righteous fury as he spoke.
"He betrayed me, and my trust, but maybe I could have forgiven that. I can't forgive him though, not after what he had done. He went too far. He was going to kill a child for the ritual. A baby not even a year old. I couldn't let that happen. So I fought back, I took the child and ran, and I never looked back," Dorian stood as he spoke and walked over to the window, Cullen followed closely behind and wrapped his arms around the mages waist as he leaned against the cool window. Neither spoke another word as they stood there together.
***
Dorian had a content smile on his face as he watched his son playing with Kieren across the garden. Vitka was off in the tavern with Bull and Sera, more than likely getting mixed up in some sort of mischief. He was happy there was another child for them to play with, even if he didn't entirely trust the Witch of the Wilds. Kieren seemed bother neither by the fact that Vitka was Qunari nor Amadeus's inability to speak, and Dorian was relieved by the fact.
His thoughts were brought back to the present when Cullen's fingertips lightly brushed against his own when the man placed his hand on the table. Dorian moved his hand so that it was placed just under the surface of the table, where they tangled their fingers together out of the sight of any prying eyes. He wasn't sure what they were anymore, something more than friends but not quite lovers.
Things had changed months back after the ex-Templar comforted him after the confrontation with his father. The man held him through the night, whispering soothing words to him brushing light kisses along his hairline and cheekbones. He didn't judge Dorian in his moment of weakness, instead he told him he was brave, made promises to keep him and his children safe. In the months that passed they occasionally held hands when no one could see them. There were a few chaste kisses in alcoves when they could steal a moment, and once the man gave him a flower when they sat down for a chess match. It was so adorable Dorian nearly blushed as scarlet as his Commander, but nothing more came of it.
"You seem distracted," Cullen said with a slight smirk. "I like at least a little challenge when I beat people at chess, you're making this much too easy."
"How cocky you are, Commander," Dorian purred. "I think I like it."
Cullen coughed nervously into his first as pink started to blossom on his cheeks, but was able to keep his voice fairly level as he responded with "Well, I aim to please."
"I'm sure," Dorian said, giving Cullen's hand a slight squeeze as the Commander's blush spread. Dorian decided to have pity on the man and changed subjects.
"I was just thinking about when Ami was still a baby, I was so worried that he almost never made any noise. I thought I had broken him somehow. I had no idea how to raise a child and no idea when they were supposed to start speaking. I was certain I did something wrong, that I didn't speak to him enough while he was an infant, or that I waited too long to try and teach him to read and speak. It may sound selfish but I was so relieved when I found out that is just how he is, that it wasn't my fault. Mostly I'm just relieved at how well he's handling it."
"It must have been difficult," Cullen said. "To raise them on your own."
"It can be trying at times I'll admit," Dorian responded with a chuckle. "But it's more than worth it. I never imagined I'd have children of my own one day, and it's more amazing than anything I could have pictured. I wish I could give them everything I had growing up, all the luxury and wealth, but we've made it this far on our own."
"Perhaps, after all of this is over, you wont have to be on your own anymore," Cullen said, focusing on the chessboard and pointedly not looking at Dorian as a new flush graced his face.
"Perhaps," Dorian agrees.
***
Cullen would not admit that he was going to the library just to see if Dorian was still awake. No, he was just looking for a book to cross reference varghest activity in the Western Approach. That didn't stop him from looking into the alcove Dorian often resided in. He half expected the man not to be there. More likely he would already have retired to put the kids to bed, or made his way to the tavern while they slept. What he did not expect to find was the mage in his chair sleeping, Amadeus curled in his lap alongside a copy of Tales of the Champion, and Vitka leaning asleep against the windowsill.
Cullen kept his steps quiet as he ventured farther into the alcove, and he took a moment to enjoy the peaceful bliss he found Dorian and his children in. His heart felt full as he looked at the Altus cradling his son against him. He gently shook the man’s shoulder, and held a finger up to silence him, and tried not to laugh aloud at the less than dignified snort the man let out as he woke. Cullen's eyes flicked down to the sleeping elf and Dorian nodded in understanding as he slowly rose from his chair, holding Amadeus close as to not jostle him to much, and Cullen made his way over to gently lift Vitka in his arms. She had grown a lot in the past year or so, but was still fairly slender, even with the extra muscle she amassed in her training, so he was able to carry her with ease.
The two men made their way to Dorian's quarters in companionable silence. Once Dorian opens the door to his room Cullen takes a moment to look around. It was smaller than he expected. One corner had a simplified version of Dorian's alcove, made of 2 bookcases pushed into a corner with a plush chair sitting between them, books piled on the ground around it and a lute sitting just off to the side. Nearby was a simple looking bed that he assumed to be Dorian's. While the bed itself was fairly plain the bedding looked expensive and comfortable. In the opposite corner was a smaller bed where Dorian placed the sleeping Amadeus.
He then lead Cullen past a modesty curtain to what seemed to be Vitka's part of the room and he laid the sleeping girl down on a bed that was far more elegant than the other two in the room. Dorian then stepped around him and gingerly shifted the girl around, careful not to wake her, so that she lay more comfortable on her horns, and removed her boots. After Dorian seemed sure both Vitka and Amadeus were sleeping comfortably he and Cullen stepped outside of the room and finally broke the silence that had washed over them.
"Thank you, Commander," Dorian's voice was still husky from not having used it since he awoke and Cullen did his best to ignore how attractive he found it. "As comfortable as my chair is, it is not my first choice of places to sleep."
"Cullen," the Commander said, ducking his head slightly before looking back up into the other man’s eyes. "Please, call me Cullen. I think we've been at this long enough to be on a first name basis."
"Right, Cullen then," Dorian purred out his name in a way that set a fire in him, and he realized just how close they were standing when he cautiously reached out a hand to rest on the other man’s hip.
"I'd like to kiss you," Cullen blushed as the words passed his lips, but Dorian just smirked at him, stepping in to close the remaining distance between them. They were so close that when the mage spoke he felt his lips just barely brushing against his own.
"What's stopping you then?" Dorian murmured just before Cullen captured his lips.
It started as a simple kiss, not heated, but more than the chaste pecks that they had shared before. It was intimate and slow. They broke apart just long enough to breath before their mouths came crashing together again. This time the heat was there, the desire that they had both pushed to the side for so long. Cullen let out a low groan as Dorian's tongue demanded entrance into his mouth, which he happily granted as he pushed the mage back up against the door. He was grateful that it was late enough that most of Skyhold's inhabitants where either asleep or at the tavern. He's not entirely sure he would be able to handle the embarrassment at being caught like this, as he rolled his hips against Dorian's while the man kissed and nibbled at the pulse in his neck.
"I would invite you inside but..." The mage trailed off after dragging his teeth along Cullen's jawline, then letting his head fall back against the door with a soft thud, panting.
"No, I understand," Cullen let out a sigh as he lightly nuzzled at the crook of Dorian's neck. He tried to will his erection away as he stepped away from the mage, taking his hand to maintain at least some sort of contact.
"Perhaps we can bookmark this, and return to it at a later date."
"I'd like that," Cullen said as he raised the other man’s hand to his lips and placed a gentle kiss on his knuckles. He took his leave then, and was happy he ran into no one on his way back to his quarters.
***
Amadeus wandered his way through the main hall looking for Dorian. He felt invisible, much like the way Cole must feel when he walks into rooms, some of the refugees and servants saw him, but often opted to ignore him, and if the nobles did see him they never let on as much. Varric was at his usual spot in the corner, but he looked too busy to play and he wasn't who Amadeus was looking for anyway.
It was rare that he would wander through any part of Skyhold on his own, normally he would stick close to Vitka or just stay with whoever was watching him that day, but today Vitka was playing with Sera and didn't want him around, and when he heard that Dorian was supposedly returning with the Inquisitor today he decided to see if he was home yet. Cole was meant to be watching him, and he liked Cole, he was always nice and always happy to play, and could understand him without having to try and write his words down or use his hands to talk. But sometimes he couldn't understand the things he said and it frustrated him, so when he started rambling about someone hurting because of 'little bottles' he wandered away.
When he didn't see his papa in the main hall he decided to ask Josephine if he was back, but she wasn't in her office. He continued down the hall and let himself into the war room. At first just Leliana looked up, Josephine's attention was stuck on her clipboard and Cullen was glaring at the figures on the war table, face twisted in pain.
Josephine let out a surprised little 'oh' when she heard the door to the room shut, but Cullen still didn't notice their visitor until Amadeus was at his side, tugging lightly at his arm. When the man looked down at the little elf next to him his face softened a bit.
'Is papa home yet?' the young elf signed up at the Commander.
"I'm sorry Ami, something came up and Dorian won't be home for two more days," Cullen said to the now pouting elf.
Amadeus stood next to Cullen then for the remainder of the meeting. He eavesdropped a bit but nothing they said seemed interesting so instead he just zoned out staring at the giant map on the table. He thought for a moment about returning to Cole in the tavern, but he prefered the low murmuring of the advisors to the loud chatter of the bar. Just as he was starting to get bored he excitedly noticed a shape on the map.
'It's a bunny!' He signed excitedly as he again tugged on the Commander's sleeve, then pointed at lake Calenhad.
"Ha! See, Ami sees it," Cullen exclaimed with a grin, making Leliana and Josephine laugh.
***
"Do you think Sera likes me?" Vitka asked while she and Cullen sparred.
"Of course, you play with Sera all the time. Did she say otherwise?" He said before lowering his sparring sword. "You need to tighten your grip a bit, if you don't have a good grip you could be disarmed."
"Last time you told me my grip was too tight," she muttered rolling her eyes a bit, which earned her a frown from Cullen. "I mean does she like me," she said drawing out the word.
"Oooh" Cullen said in understanding, clearing his throat a bit. "Well you do spend a lot of time together, but I think maybe you should wait until you're older to worry about those things. You have plenty of time. Or perhaps consider pursuing someone closer in age," Cullen said, earning another eyeroll from the young Qunari.
"You should teach me how to woo pretty Fereldan girls," Vitka said with a grin, which was quickly wiped from her face when her training sword when flying out of her hands.
"And what makes you think I know anything about 'wooing pretty Fereldan girls'?" Cullen asked as the girl retrieved her sword.
"Lilybird said all the Orlesian ladies at the ball absolutely swooned for you!" Vitka said with a giggle.
"They were all rather fond of your father as well, why not ask him?" Vitka gave him an incredulous look before they both laughed.
"I'm not sure papa would be much help in this particular matter," the girl said matter-of-factly. "Although he does seem pretty good at finding pretty blondes," she said with a mischievous smile.
Cullen blushed furiously as he tried to sputter out a response, only causing the girl to laugh more. "Don't worry dad, I'm just teasing," the way she tensed up after she spoke told Cullen she had caught her mistake, but he said nothing and they continued training in near silence. He couldn't help the please smile that kept creeping onto his face as his heart swelled as he passed the day with the young girl.
***
Dorian sighed as he reveled in post-coital bliss. Cullen's arms wrapped around his waist to hold him close while the man nuzzled at the back his head. He had waited so long for this, and when he and Cullen found out they were both blissfully free for almost the entire day they almost immediately fell into bed. It had been amazing, everything he had hoped for, and more, as the man who had so thoroughly captured his affection tangled their limbs together. But he could not fight the sinking feeling him his chest. They had had their fun, this was normally the part where his lovers would find some excuse to sneak away, and they would go on living their lives pretending nothing had ever happened, slowly drifting farther apart each passing day. Apparently Cullen could sense his hesitance because the man loosened his grip enough to turn Dorian towards himself.
"Is everything ok, you seem, distant," Cullen asked.
"I-" Dorian had a deflection, something about sex being distracting, ready to throw at the man, but at the look in his eyes, how genuine they always were, how sincere, he found he couldn't. "I'm curious where this goes, you and I," he said instead.
"Dorian," Cullen said in a low voice as he brushed the hair away from the mage’s forehead, "where do you want it to go?"
"I like you," Dorian said with a sigh. "More than I should, more than is wise. You know that where I'm from this sort of, thing is not accepted, it's just for pleasure, nothing more. You would be a fool to hope for more."
"This is more, Dorian. It's always been more." Dorian's breath hitched at the intensity in the other man's voice. "If you want to end this, I'll understand. You have your children to worry about and I would never want to come between that. But I adore them Dorian, just as I adore you. If you would have me I... I," as the man spoke his confidence wavered, he looked into Dorian's eyes for some sort of clue. Some indication that his feelings were reciprocated, or that he had crossed a line. Dorian just stared at him in disbelief, and a moment passed before they shared a gentle kiss. When they pulled apart Cullen rested his forehead against the mages.
"I love you," he whispered, placing another soft kiss upon Dorian's lips. "I want to share my life with you. I want to share a family with you. I promise nothing will be more important to me than you and your children..." Before Cullen could say anymore Dorian captured his mouth, tears pricking at his eyes as he absorbed all of this. Cullen loved him. Cullen, his gorgeous and wonderful Cullen. He wanted to be together, to raise a family together. He loved him, and his children, and for once Dorian let himself hope for more. For once 'more' was offered to him by the hands of the man he loved.
"I love you too, Amatus."