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December 1944
“What about you sarge? You got a girl waiting for ya back home?”
Bucky only faintly heard the question. The Howling Commandos were gathered around a fire in the French Alps talking about their sweethearts. The subject had come up before, but usually, Bucky just stayed quiet. The others had taken that to mean that he didn’t have a girl, so they didn’t push it. It could be a sensitive subject. But on this faithful Christmas eve, Dugan pulled the trigger after one too many sips of bourbon.
” Huh?” was all Bucky could respond.
” Ya got a girl back home?” Dugan repeated.
Bucky didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t know if he wanted to respond. On one hand, he wanted the entire world to know how amazing and beautiful and smart his person was, but on the other hand, he wanted to keep them to himself. A secret locked away in his heart. Safe, warm and for him, and only him, to see. In the end, he chose to go with the first one.
” Yeah. Yeah, I do.” Bucky finally replied.
A choir of oohs were exchanged, and a few coins passed around between the many men.
” Tell us about her.” Morita cut in, gesturing with his glass.
” Well, uhm-” Bucky started.
Again, he was made speechless. He had no clue what to say. The thing he wanted to scream to the world, was the exact thing he had to keep hidden. Locked away in the deepest depths of his soul. Falsworth had just finished describing his girl’s chestnut brown hair, and that’s what Bucky decided to go with.
” My girl’s blonde.” Bucky said, looking at the swirling bourbon in his glass.
” Not a dirty blonde, more like a honey blonde.” Bucky looked into the night dreaming as the face of his sweetheart appeared in his mind.
” When the sun hits just right, it shines like the purest gold you could ever imagine. And her eyes. I could stare at them forever. They are the most gorgeous blue. Like the ocean. They change colour too. Sometimes they look green almost, or a dark, dark blue at night.”
Bucky was completely gone, the only thing in his mind was the picture of his darling. He didn’t notice the smirks on his comrades’ faces. He didn’t notice the wolf whistles escaping their lips.
” When we’re out in the sun, they shine like a thousand diamonds.”
Bucky glanced at Steve. No more than half a second. Sitting there, looking at his hands intertwined in his lap. In the orange glow of the flames, his eyes sparkled. Almost like a thousand diamonds.
” Her lips are the most perfect shade of pink. Like the petals of a peony. Or a cloud of cotton candy. They’re soft like cotton candy too. A little chapped at times, but perfect.”
Bucky was longing for those lips. He had been for 9 months. Ever since he left their apartment and stole that last kiss. It was nothing special per se. No softer. No more desperate. No more passionate. But at the same time, it was so much more than a normal kiss. It was so filled with unspoken emotion and feeling. It could’ve been their last kiss. A fact that Bucky hated with his entire being, yet he couldn’t deny it being true. He could’ve died. Hell, he almost did.
” When she gets embarrassed or flattered, this blush blooms on her cheeks. It can be light pink, but sometimes it’s almost bright scarlet.”
Little did everyone know that that blush was appearing a few meters away. Hidden by the flames, but there.
” Her nose is crooked. It’s been punched one too many times. She’s always picking fights. Standing up for the little guy.”
It was a weekly occurrence that his doll would come home with a bloody nose or a black eye. The worst, however, was a broken rib. Bucky remembered that day like yesterday, even though it was almost 4 years ago.
January 1941
Bucky was sitting on the couch freshly showered after a day at the docks. His hair was still wet, dripping onto the pages of the novel he was reading. Before the door opened, he heard the stairs creak outside and the rustling of keys. When the handle turned, he looked up from his book. He saw the bloodied knuckles before the rest of their body. Bucky immediately discarded his book on the cushion beside him when they stepped through the door. He jumped up and ran over, laying his hands on their shoulders. When they winced, his brows furrowed in concern. His hand came up to cup their cheek, and he looked them deep in the eyes.
” What happened?” He asked, anger filtering through his voice.
” Some jerk was feeling up a lady in the alley behind the diner ’round the corner. I told him to leave, he didn’t, so I clocked him in the jaw, and he uh, he got mad.”
Bucky didn’t say anything, his facial expressions speaking louder than any words.
A sigh fell from his lips, and he wrapped his fingers around his partner’s slender wrist. He gently pulled them to the bathroom, his heart dropping and shattering at every wince, cry and grimace.
Once they got to the bathroom, Bucky let go of their wrist and walked over to close the blinds over the small bathroom window. It was highly unlikely that anyone would peek in, but he sure as hell did not need to take that chance.
Bucky got the blinds firmly shut and walked back over to his partner. Situating one hand under each arm, he carefully lifted them onto the tiny counter next to the sink. It was not very sturdy, things you pick out of a dumpster rarely are, but his partner weighed so little, that it didn’t collapse under their weight.
At this point, it was a choreographed dance. Bucky would pull off their shoes, then shirt, pants, and socks, until they were down to only underwear. At that moment they would glide down from the counter, and Bucky, depending on how stubborn they were, would aid as little or as much as they would let him. They would shimmy their way out of their three sizes too big boxer shorts, and Bucky would get a proper look at all the damage.
A black eye, bloody nose and split eyebrow as usual, but the more Bucky looked, the more he found. Blood trickled down from a cut on their right cheek, and a big purple bruise was blooming on the left.
It was when Bucky’s eyes wandered further down that he spotted it. On the right side of their ribcage, a large gash decorated the area. Shades of black, blue and purple were appearing rapidly, and Bucky could see a rather large bump on the skinny frame.
He couldn’t say with certainty that it was broken; he would need a doctor for that, but that was a problem for future Bucky to deal with.
Other than that, they had a scraped knee, a few bigger bruises and an abundance of smaller ones.
After the thorough inspection, Bucky guided them to sit on the shower floor out of reach of the water, before pulling off his own shirt, to avoid getting it wet.
He grabbed a rag from the basket under the sink and sat down next to the shower.
The water would always be cold when he turned it on, and it took a few minutes for the water to heat up.
In the meantime, Bucky rubbed at his partner’s arms trying to keep them warm, the lack of clothes and cold tile not doing much to keep them comfortable.
When the water was hot enough Bucky grabbed a cup from under the sink and filled it with water from the showerhead. He laid a palm against their forehead to gently pull their head back, so the water wouldn’t get in their eyes when he emptied the cup over their hair.
He repeated this task until every strand of hair was sufficiently wet. Bucky then grabbed the small bottle of shampoo off the shelf and poured a good amount into his hands. He rubbed his hands together to heat the shampoo before he started cautiously massaging his lover’s scalp. Bucky made sure to cover every hair, getting every last bit of dirt and grit out. He finished with a relaxing scalp massage.
Afterwards, Bucky grabbed the cup again and slowly rinsed out all the shampoo. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt his sweetheart more.
Money was too tight for conditioner, so Bucky grabbed the bar soap from its spot beside the shampoo next. It was supposed to smell like driftwood, but it smelled more like rotten wood. That’s what you get when you pay 15 cents for soap.
Bucky rubbed the soap between his palms, lathering his hands in bubbles. Afterwards, he gently started washing his partner, starting from the top and working his way down, being insanely careful around the bruises and cuts. When needed he would lather more soap on his hands.
Bucky made sure to clean every last millimetre of skin. Behind their ears, in their bellybutton, even between their toes. When he finished you would not be able to find a single speck of dirt anywhere on their body.
Bucky grabbed the cup from the floor, where he’d randomly placed it at some point. He filled it with water again and rinsed off the soap.
Bucky stood up and walked over to the makeshift towel rack in the corner of the bathroom. It was an old, broken chair that had been in the apartment when they moved in. The chair was missing a leg, and it was being held up by a couple of old math books, that they weren’t able to sell.
Bucky grabbed the biggest and fluffiest towel that they owned, which, if he’s being honest, was neither big nor fluffy.
He walked back to the shower and crouched down next to his everything.
During the shower the exhaustion of fighting a man three times your size hit them like a truck, and they were draped over their legs, ignoring the excruciating pain in the right side of their body.
Bucky started drying off the parts of skin that were exposed, and moved from top to bottom, so the water stopped going in their eyes.
When there wasn’t any water left, Bucky threw the towel in the sink and brushed the stray hairs away from their forehead.
” Doll, you’re gonna have to work with me now. We have to get you up before you get cold.”
Bucky ran the back of his hand against their jaw, and they leant into his touch.
” Ya think ya can do that for me, sweetheart?”
” Hmm.”
Bucky stroked his thumb over their bruised cheekbone.
” You need to use your words doll.” Bucky said, turning their head a little so he could see their face.” You think you can do that?”
” Yeah. I think so.” They whispered, sleep overtaking them by the second.
” OK.”
Bucky released their hands from around their shins, and gently placed his hands under their armpits.
” Up we go.”
Bucky started lifting them to their feet, but he stopped when their face twisted in pain.
” Fuck.” They said through gritted teeth.
” Your ma would wash ya mouth out with soap if she heard ya speakin’ like that.” Bucky laughed, as he smoothed out the wrinkles on their forehead with his thumb.
” Hm.”
Bucky moved to get a better grip on their arms.
” This is prolly gonna hurt like a mother, but it’s gonna be over in a second all right doll.”
They hummed in agreement, and Bucky put a little more force behind it when he lifted them. When they got to their feet, they swayed a little, and Bucky put a steadying hand on their shoulder.
” You all right doll?”
” Mhm.”
” If ya say so.” Bucky murmured, disbelief clear in his tone.
He grabbed the towel from the sink and wiped off any excess water.
“‘m tired.” They yawned before gently falling forwards.
Bucky was still wiping their knee when they started tipping, but with the towel still in hand, he quickly reached up and placed his hands on their chest to stabilise them.
“Whoa,” Bucky exclaimed. “Careful. Ya got enough bruises as is doll, we don’t need ta add ta the collection.
” Bucky rose to his feet and chucked the towel to the side. He stood in front of his partner and brushed his knuckles across their temple.
“We have to get ya to bed, and then I’m gonna go get some medicine for ya doll,” Bucky said moving to the rickety bed in the corner of the room. He slowly lowered them onto the mattress and helped them lie down. He drew the blanket over their shoulders and brushed some stray hairs from their forehead before kissing the shell of their ear. “I’ll be right back ok darl’. I’m gonna get something from the kitchen.”
In the kitchen, Bucky grabbed the small first-aid kit from the cupboard and a wet rag before returning to the bed. He put the kit on the bed and tucked his love’s hair behind their ear to let them know he was back. Opening the little box he took out some gauze, some antiseptic, a whole clove and some clove oil. He put the box on the floor before settling on the bed. Bucky reached up to brush his thumb across their eyebrow causing them to open their eyes. Bucky held up the clove for them to see.
“Can you chew on this for a little while? It’ll help with the pain.” Bucky said.
They nodded and Bucky put the clove to their lips so they could take it.
“I’m gonna wrap you up, okay? It’s gonna sting a bit, but you’re gonna feel so much better afterwards I promise you.”
“Okay.” They confirmed.
“Okay,” Bucky repeated.
Bucky set to work cleaning and wrapping the worst of the injuries, adding a few drops of clove oil to numb the worst of the pain. When Bucky finished, he packed up the remaining supplies and put them back in the cupboard before washing his hands and returning to bed. Bucky slipped into bed beside his love and pulled the covers over them both, pulling them close to his chest and brushing a few stray tears from their cheek.
“You did great sweetheart. You’re the strongest person I know.” Bucky kissed their forehead. “You feel a little warm. Maybe you’re coming down with a fever.”
“Maybe.”
They lay in silence for a while the only sounds their breath and the clunking of the radiator working overtime to keep the small space warm in the middle of winter.
Bucky was the one to break the silence.
“You need to stop getting into fights all the time. Your body needs to be strong for the winter. It’s only gonna get colder and you’re already starting to get sick.” Bucky spoke. “We need every penny for food and warmth. I can’t keep buying medicine, you know that. We’re damn lucky your ma was a nurse. You’d be done for if she hadn’t taught me how to care for you.”
They didn’t say anything for a while.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to disappoint you, I just…” they paused, thinking, “I couldn’t just stand there doing nothing.”
“Sweetheart you didn’t disappoint me. I’m just worried is all. I can’t lose you, especially not to something as stupid as an alley fight. You’re everything to me, okay? I love you punk.” Bucky said against their ear.
“I love you jerk.”
Bucky smiled and kissed the hinge of their jaw.
“C’mon, get some sleep. You need all the rest you can get.”
December 1944
“She sounds great sarge,” Dugan said emptying his glass.
“She is. She’s the light of my life.” Bucky stated. “The only reason I keep going is so I can get home and marry her and live the quiet life in Brooklyn again.” Bucky looked into his glass of bourbon still clutched in his hand. He drank it all and wiped his mouth on his sleeve before standing up. “I think I’m gonna go to bed. Good talk, I’ll see you all in the morning.”
Bucky put his glass on the log he’d been sitting on before retiring to the tent he shared with Steve. He kicked off his boots and slipped into his sleeping bag, closing his eyes to go to sleep, but failing to.
Back at the fire, the men were quiet until Steve spoke up.
“I’m gonna go check on him, see if he’s okay.” Steve said, “Gabe and Dugan you’re on watch tonight. Good night, everyone.”
“Night, cap.”
As Steve walked towards the tent knowing looks were shared amongst the men at the fire.
“Buck, are you asleep?” Steve questioned stepping into the tent and toeing off his boots to join Bucky on the ground.
“No,” Bucky mumbled into the worn fabric.
“Are you okay?” Steve asked as he slipped into his own sleeping bag and closed the space between him and Bucky.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Bucky said as he turned to look at Steve.
“No reason, just checking.” Steve stared up at the cloth shielding them from the outside world.
They lay in comfortable silence, an unspoken question between them.
“Did you mean what you said?” Steve whispered.
“About what?” Bucky asked looking at Steve.
Steve was quiet for a moment before answering.
“Do you wanna marry me?” Steve murmured, turning to look at Bucky.
Bucky reached up to caress Steve’s cheek and guided him to look into his eyes.
“Of course, I do.” Steve let out a breath of relief, “There’s no one else in the entire world I would rather spend the rest of my life with. I wanna get married, and have a couple of kids, and we’ll get a cat, and live in Brooklyn, and I’ll get a job somewhere, and you will paint, and we’ll grow old together and you’ll get all wrinkly, and I’ll still love you with my entire heart because you are the most wonderful person in the world Steve Rogers.”
A few tears were rolling down Steve’s cheeks, yet he wasn’t sad. He was so inexplicably happy, laying here in the freezing cold in the middle of a war, with nothing but the clothes on his back, because he had Bucky. As long as he had Bucky, he would be okay.
“It sounds like you’ve planned that for a long time,” Steve said with a watery smile.
“Well, you shouldn’t rush into the rest of your life,” Bucky said wiping the tears from Steve’s cheeks. He turned around pinking up a pine needle from the ground and twisting it into a loop before turning back . Bucky held it up so Steve could see it. “Steven Grant Rogers, will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?”
Steve laughed at the obscurity of it all. He never expected to live long enough to find real love, yet here he was, staring the love of his life in the eyes and knowing that he felt the exact same way about him. It should feel so complicated, but it was the simplest thing ever. He had not a single doubt that this was the right decision. So, he doesn’t wait another second to answer, “Yes.” Bucky was beaming back at him. ”Yes, yes, yes, yes.”
Bucky grabbed his face and locked their lips together for the first time in 9 months, not caring that they might get caught. When they separated, they were both smiling as brightly as the sun.
“Of course, I’ll marry you, you jerk.”
“I love you punk.”
“Till the end of the line.”
“Till the end of the line.”
“In another life.”
August 2016
Steve has just come back from his morning run. When he left earlier that morning, Bucky was still sound asleep. Now he can hear rustling from the kitchen, and the smell of pancakes wafts through the air.
When he gets to the door to the kitchen he stops in his tracks and admires the view in front of him. Bucky is standing at the stove, with his hair tied in a loose bun, wearing Steve’s hoodie. Light filters in from the kitchen window and it bathes Bucky in a warm orange light. It makes him look heavenly and Steve wonders, not for the first time, how he got so lucky.
Bucky must have heard him come in because he turns around to look at Steve and smiles.
“Good morning sunshine.” Steve greets him, stepping over the threshold to the kitchen and walking over to Bucky, encircling him in his arms when he’s close enough.
“Hmm.” Bucky kisses him lazily and mumbles against his lips, “Good morning handsome.”
Steve runs his hands up and down Bucky’s back settling them low on his back and caressing the skin between his hoodie and Bucky’s ridiculous sleeping shorts, letting his fingers slip beneath the waistband.
“Mr Rogers, your child is in the room.” Bucky looks over to Alpine lounging on the windowsill.
“That’s Mr Barnes-Rogers to you Mr.” Steve says kissing Bucky’s temple.
Bucky breaks away from him and runs a hand through his hair, wedding ring glinting in the sun, before returning to the stove.
“The mail is on the counter,” Bucky informs flipping a pancake onto the growing stack on the plate next to him.
There is a stack of newspapers, letters and magazines on the counter, and Steve ruffles through them until one particular envelope catches his eye.
“Hey Buck, do you know where this is from? I don’t recognise the return address.”
Steve shows the envelope to Bucky, but he doesn’t recognise it either.
“Huh.” Steve opens the envelope and inside is a letter and a picture. Steve recognises the picture immediately and he opens the letter. He reads it and a smile blossoms on his lips.
“Buck, you need to read this.”
Steve hands Bucky the letter and he starts reading aloud.
Dear Steve and Bucky.
Congratulations on the wedding.
We are very happy for you and we are sorry we couldn’t be there with you on your special day. We wish you all the best in life and we hope to see you one day soon.
From the Howlies.
P.S. we all knew. You were shit at hiding it.
