Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Michael was late yet again.

It wasn’t even his fault this time. He might have snoozed his phone like he did everyone morning, but was still able to throw on his dark flannel and jeans, and run a hand through his messy curls in less than two minutes, all with enough time to make the drive to school.

However it was the universe that was never in his favour and Michael was ultimately delayed because he had to spend the better part of the morning trying to fix his beaten down pick-up truck.

“You should just sell it.”

He had heard Max say it countless times since he’d bought it. He would encourage him to save up for something better as if it was that easy, and in the meantime just swallow his pride and accept their offer for a ride. He could never get rid of it, though, it was the one possession that he truly owned. He had worked long hot, summers at the auto yard to save for it, and if the engine didn’t stall occasionally, would it have even been his truck? 

After some time, he’d finally heard the lovely splutter of the engine before it burst into life. 

He skipped the shower, opting to just wash the grease of his hands and go. 

He should’ve skipped class instead, but Isobel had sent more than one worried text to him and he knew that he was going to get an earful, plus it was AP calc, and he had some rapport with their teacher only because he did well in the subject. Michael hadn’t tested how far that empathy would stretch if he was late to class, now had to be a good time. When he arrived, he looked through the small panel beside the classroom door. The teacher was distracted, reading a graphic novel as students worked out of their textbooks. Feeling he could risk it, he quietly opened the door and slipped into his seat.

When Mr. Harris looked directly at the latecomer and continued reading without paying him any further regard, his shoulders finally relaxed and he turned, giving a quick wink to Alex Manes in the seat behind, the one witness to his heroic feat. Alex just rolled his eyes, clearly not as impressed as Michael was.

Isobel on the other hand was impressed:

‘Lucky!’ His phone reverberated with a message tone.

Michael glared towards the other end of the classroom, where Isobel mouthed an apology as she hung her head to hide her giggling. Michael did hear the stifled laugh from behind him as well, one of the few reactions he’s ever gotten from the quiet emo kid. 

“Mr. Guerin, if you’re not going to come on time, the least you could do is silence your phone.” 

He should have just skipped today.

--

Isobel hung off his arm, pouting as she apologised again for the twentieth time, even after he had said it was fine. Another infraction, the worst that could happen, the school would hopefully just call his last foster family, they’d have to hear about how he was late, belligerent and a waste of space. He’d heard it all before and he could care less if that conversation happened, he didn’t have to live there anymore.

“What did she do now?” Max approached, sharing a knowing look with Michael, before taking the seat opposite.

Isobel scrunched her face in response, taking offense at their shared exasperation.“Nothing.” Max furrowed his brow not believing that for a second, “I was just worried when you weren’t here this morning!“

“Where were you this morning, anyway?” he questioned, too good and proper that being late would never have been a problem for him.

“The truck broke down.” Michael grumbled, throwing his head down to meet his hands on the table. He didn’t want to hear or watch him say ‘ told you so,’ “I already fixed it.”

Isobel gestured for Max to say something, but he was at a loss of what more he could say that he hadn’t already.

Michael witnessed the silent conversation they shared above his head. 

At one stage, he had envied the unique bond they shared, which only twins could have. Not telepathy or the ability to feel each other’s pain like imagined between genetic siblings, but a closeness that only came about from spending years together that Michael never had. Now it just annoyed him.

“Guys, honestly it’s ok.” Michael said. “I’m not sleeping in the truck anymore.” He now had a stable, although not government sanctioned, place to stay. “Sanders is letting me stay at the Auto yard.”

They looked at him as if that was somehow worse.

“In a functioning airstream.” He added.

“Umm… ok” Isobel looked partially satisfied, at least for now, and even if she wasn’t, she didn’t have time to express a different opinion before a hand slid behind her to circle her waist and pull her chair away. 

Kyle Valenti was smirking as he murmured a flirtatious hello and gave her a kiss.

Max shared Michael’s disinterest, Max pulling out his tattered copy of an H.G Wells novel and tuning the couple out. Michael didn’t have the same luxury of being able to read anywhere.

Michael stood as the couple were distracted, engaged in shameless flirting, but Isobel quickly shifted her eyes up to him, “Where are you going?”

“Anywhere else,” he shrugged. But the narrowed stare from the blonde got him to eventually sigh and give them something. “To de-stress.”

Isobel nodded in understanding and Kyle rolled his eyes. Michael could care less if he thought he was just going to go out and smoke a joint.

Kyle sprang up, before Michael had to make his escape, “I have to go too.”

“And where are you going?” Isobel was pouting.

“I’ve got to find Alex, but I’ll see you tonight!” 

That friendship made less sense to Michael than Kyle’s relationship with Isobel. Alex was a quiet lonely kid, dark band t-shirts and silver piercings twinkling against his tan skin and dark hair. Who could blame him for avoiding the mass of stupid teenagers? Rumours of his sexuality had circled in the last year, like people had nothing more to be concerned about, but Alex was confident through it all. He spat insults and threw punches at his bullies, ignoring the stares when he came to class with a swollen cheek or a black eye from the consequences. It was kind of admirable.

Kyle, on the other hand, was an ignorant jock who wore his letterman jacket in public as a symbol of popularity. 

“We’re going the drive-in tonight.” He turned to Michael, then Max, offering them a courtesy invite.“You guys should join.”

A peck on Isobel’s lips and he’d run off without waiting for an answer. Isobel turned to Michael, pretty much begging him.

“He’s just trying to get to know the most important people in my life.”

“All he needs to know is that I don’t like him.”

“Please give him a chance,” she whined.

With a reluctant groan, Michael agreed.

--

He hadn’t even known that there was a music room until a few months ago, but tucked at the back end of the old science building was ironically the one place in this school that was quiet. 

He heard a crunch as stepped out, moving his foot aside he noticed something caught the light, intertwined pieces of metallic chain formed a circle with a trapezoid-shaped shard in the centre, a pendant ? Michael could’ve sworn it glistened, a golden foreign letter, but as he approached, it had disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. He turned it over in his hand after picking it up. Inside there were gold metallic-looking veins, almost as if it was the cooling system to a motherboard.

It was almost alien in nature.

He could’ve spent a lot longer observing it as he headed to the music room, but through the opaque glass was the silhouette of his aloof classmate. Alex Manes was sitting cross-legged, far down the science hallway floor, headphones in, scribbling in his notebook obsessively.

Michael quickly slipped the pendant into his pocket. 

“Hey Manes,” he greeted as he walked over. “What are you doing?”

“I’m waiting for someone.” Alex said uninterested.

Michael thought he was being friendly but maybe Alex thought of him the same way as all the other kids at this school.

“Here I was thinking you wanted to join me for lunch,” Michael bit back. He meant for it to sound sarcastic, but somehow it came out flirtatious instead.

“Chin up, cowboy, I’m sure you’ll be fine,” Alex returned in kind without even looking up at Michael, attention focused on his notes instead. To Michael’s eye, it looked like verse.

“Cowboy?” Michael questioned.

Alex didn’t answer. He was ignoring him, and it irked Michael a little. The punk was too hard to read. Michael never been interested in knowing anyone outside of Isobel and Max, but Alex was an enigma – and Michael was curious. Why was he alone most of the time these days? He had friends, Michael had seen them hang around since grade school, Outside of Valenti, he’d definitely seen him with Max’s dream girl, Liz, and Maria de Luca.

When Alex finally looked at him still standing there with a crooked brow, Michael finally noticed the scraped chin and bruised jaw, and cleared his throat.

“Did you need something?”

“Valenti is looking for you.”

“Ok thanks,” Alex nodded, a hint of a smile gracing his lips. “I’ll text him.”

Michael was still standing there, staring at the dark haired teen, trying to figure him out.

“I’m waiting for someone.” Alex repeated flatly.

Michael was trying to be nice and Alex was being a jerk. He wasn’t going to stick around where he wasn’t wanted. “ Fuck you then,” he murmured under his breath as he walked away.

Alex heard, though, and glared at him before going back to his notes, murmuring: “ fuck you, too.”

At least he’d waited till he thought Michael was out of earshot.

Michael found the first guitar in the music room and strummed, drowning out the chaos in his mind. It felt like he was playing for hours before the lunch period ended but he didn’t care. Between this morning, then the nauseating couple, and now Alex Manes treating him like scum, Michael needed to play something more than ever.

--

Michael had picked up Isobel and Max despite their protests all day. Isobel knew neither Michael nor Max would not actually say no to her, when push came to shove, and she used that to her advantage an unfair amount of times.

Isobel had insisted that they come around to the airstream before the movie, so all three filled Michael’s small space,Isobel pacing down from the door to the bathroom in the back. 

“Ok I guess, this is adequate.” She sighed.

“It doesn’t matter what we think, as long as he’s comfortable,” Max pointed out, sitting himself on the bed. “You’re good right?”

“I’m good.”

“But you’re always welcome at ours,” Isobel whined.

“Thanks, but I like it here for now,” Michael replied, not ever having felt entirely comfortable in the Evans’ home, especially when Ann and Dave gave him wary looks, always making him feel like they were waiting for the day their kids outgrew him. 

There was that feeling again. No it wasn’t just a feeling, he’d had this conversation with them half an hour before they’d left their house, before they had finally worn him down.

His whole long day had been a constant state of Déjà vu. First with Alex in the hall, then he had thought the physics teacher gave the same rant twice, and after a restless ten minute nap he took as soon as he got home he had well rested as if he’d had a proper night’s sleep. Either he was going crazy or he was having some sort of weird dream. He was just exhausted, he had to be in order to have such vivid delusions, it had to be that.

He wanted this god awful day over with. He ushered Isobel out of the airstream and into the truck, reminding her they were going to be late. The last thing he wanted to do was watch The Princess Bride with Kyle Valenti, but Isobel was excited, and Michael would not be the one to ruin it.

“Hey guys,” Kyle called when they got out, giving him a friendly hug.

Michael tried not to look as uncomfortable as he did, and greeted Kyle with a forced smile looking over to Kyle’s companion, his bruises less evident under a thin layer of concealer. 

“Alex is joining us, that okay?”

Michael watched as Isobel ignored the purposeful hands in pockets and attempts to avoid any personal contact by dragging him into a hug. “Of course!! Have you ever seen this movie?” 

Alex was smiling though: “A while ago.” Michael rolled his eyes, obviously he liked Isobel.

As the forced group walked together towards the snack trucks, Michael straggled behind, Alex slowing in step to match his pace.

Alex was the first to break the silence.

“Sorry for being a little standoffish,” he murmured, giving a reluctant apology. “Bad day.”

“Can’t relate.” Michael shrugged, “All my days are good.”

Alex laughed at that, and Michael allowed himself to relax.

“So you’re a secret rom com fan?”

“No.” Alex’s ear tinged a shade of red, eyes still watching the uneven ground they were walking on. “I just watched this one as a kid - with my mum,” he added as if that lessened his sense of embarrassment. “Then I was forced again with Liz and Maria thrice.” 

“You must have been very reluctant to come tonight.” Michael could hardly sit through one whole move, let alone watch it four times.

“Yes. Kyle begged for a buffer,” Alex disclosed with a completely straight face that made Michael snicker. “He’s terrified you guys don’t like him.”

“I don’t like him.” 

Alex lifted an eyebrow and fell quiet for a moment before asking: “Why?”

“He’s kind of a douchebag; just a bully pretending to be a good guy to get with as many chicks as he can,” Michael said honestly. “It’s fine, when they aren’t Isobel.”

“Don’t all immature straight guys lie to get women at some point?”

Michael did not think Alex would have been so blasé about his sexuality.

“Believe me, I don’t have to lie to get anyone.” Michael smirked with confidence.

“I don’t think he’s pretending with Isobel.” Ignoring Michael’s bravado, Alex brought it back to his friend. “If you gave him a chance, he could surprise you.” He sounded as if he was speaking from experience.

Michael didn’t have time to form a rebuttal before Kyle jogged back to catch up with the stragglers.

He looked to Alex. “Will you be okay hanging out with these guys?” 

Alex hated being treated like a kid. Brushing Kyle’s concern off, he pushed the jock back to Isobel. “I’ll be fine.” 

Kyle took that as permission to invite his girlfriend to go make out in his car. “Maybe we should watch from my car,” he suggested slyly to Isobel, who with an apologetic smile back to her brothers, quickly agreed.

The person who had said it was going to be a good bonding experience for them all climbed her way into Valenti’s car. So that left an uncomfortable trio.

Max sat against the back of the truck when the movie started, book on his lap in case he got bored. Michael was already bored. He’d never been a fan of watching movies, let alone romantic ones, seeing a bunch of issues that kept two protagonists apart only for them to figure none of it mattered in the end and have it all be solved in a neat little happy bow before the credits rolled. In his experience, life didn’t work like that; no one was worth all the effort.

He looked over at Alex who was sitting on a lawn chair by himself. Michael didn’t love hanging around with strangers either, but Alex Manes was a completely different form of introvert. 

Though the screen displayed the giant picking up a rock and smashing it against the thief’s back, Michael's attention shifted back to Alex. He had gotten up and walked away from his chair, finding a quiet space behind the food trucks; Michael could just see him. Alex was speaking into his phone, pacing before Michael saw him breath in and then head back towards the group. He didn’t stay. Instead he quickly grabbed his water, and then kept walking past the moviegoers.

They briefly made eye contact before Alex looked away and kept going. Michael couldn’t help but track the boy as he made his way out of the lot and onto the highway.

Wait – was he going to walk back into town? 

Michael saw the headlights rounding the weaving the desert road moments before Alex had. He yelled out too late as the sound of screeching tires bellowed louder than the movie. Michael felt as if was the one that had been hit by a car, his vision blurred into bright white glare.

No one was responding, no one was rushing to the scene in frenzied madness. Michael was the only one terrified, about to fall off the truck as he moved in a panicked frenzy. His knee almost gave out as he made contact with the ground, and he felt nauseous.

Then Alex, unscathed, annoyed, and upset like before, yet unaffected by whatever had just happened, was walking past him again. He glanced briefly in Michael’s direction, and then looked away. 

What had just happened?

Heart still pounding, feet moving on their own, Michael called out to him. “Where are you going?” He jogged to Alex and grabbed his forearm, stopping him before he stepped out onto the unlit dirt road.

“Home. Kyle’s my ride and he’s still with Isobel – so…” Alex looked at the hand around his arm and Michael immediately let go.

“I’ll give you a ride,” Michael offered, rubbing the back of his neck.

Alex shook his head. “I have a friend down the –”

Blinding headlights lit up the side of their bodies, and they both jumped at the woosh of air as the car bounded past a mere few feet from where they stood.

“Shit.” Alex murmured. It had been too close a call.

This could not just be déjà vu.

No one else seemed to be aware of the difference, not even Alex.

Michael watched him walk away down the unlit highway until he couldn’t see him any longer, rejecting a ride home as if he didn’t know how close he had come to being seriously hurt. 

Michael was still panicking though. Alex had been hurt though, hadn’t he? 

As Michael staggered back to his truck, Max stared at him.

“Are you drunk?” He asked.

Michael ignored him as his mind ran through all the possibilities that could explain what had happened. There had to be some logical reason, he felt the back of head for signs of a head injury, he’d heard of people getting delusional with head injuries. 

Was he going crazy? No it had been too real.

Michael pinched the skin above his thumb, feeling the sting. 

He’d had this feeling all day. No, not all day, he thought about everything that happened that day. The first instance he could recall was before the music room. Again it was with Alex Manes’. The more he thought about it, Alex’s look of contempt may have actually been confusion. And if so it had been right after he’d found that weird glass pendant.

He felt around in his jeans pocket. It was still there. 

Michael placed his trust in what he’s learnt over time about science and physics. But that also carried with it the endless possibilities of time and space. Even Michael and his two companions were another sort of mystery, so it seemed less and less implausible the more he thought about it. 

He looked at the movie screen. The pirate and the princess, who were just fighting large rodent puppets, were now rolling down the hill again, and Max was looking at him like he was still drunk.

He pulled the pendant out and faint slivers of gold light illuminated the surface before it dimmed completely.

Chapter Text

Through a series of haphazard experiments –  which mostly involved Michael destroying junk around the garage and generally being able to recover them intact– he was able to figure out a few important things about the pendant. Firstly, it had to be some sort of time device, which was somehow linked to Michael. If he could remember a moment, he only had to want to go back, and he would. He also had to be close enough to the device for it to work. Michael had measured the distance to be 13.7 inches at most. 

The time jumps had their limits, and realising this his attempts to hone this new power slowed quickly. Michael wasn’t able to figure out how to move forward yet, or if he even could, and time he moved back felt like snail speed when you had to relive an hour, let alone a day. A week felt completely out of the question.

Michael had floated the idea of going back to before being found in the dessert with Max and Is. He couldn’t remember much but was at one point desperate to have a family again. 

But he had quickly abandoned the idea, he would not be able to tolerate another 10 years of childhood and adolescence and being ripped apart from Max and Isobel a second time, he’d hardly made it through the first time. 

His curiosity wasn’t palliated with just figuring a few problems out, and over the next few weeks Michael had a lot of fun with his new discovery. 

His work at the auto yard became simple. Michael would impress Sanders by solving difficult engine problems in what seemed like minutes to Michael. Since they’d implemented a new system for picking up their customers, allowing him and Sanders to alternate dealing with them, Michael was able to rig the system in his favour. Avoiding the annoying customers he didn’t want to interact with; the ones who had an opinion on a kid working at an autoyard, the racist folk, the gun heads, or the soldiers driving through. 

He occasionally felt bad for Sanders, and let a few slide through from time to time. 

Even school wasn’t too bad. He didn’t need any extra help to maintain his GPA, as long as his attendance remained overall good, and he avoided any more late days.Michael was golden, and to being able to skip a period and drive out to Foster’s ranch, relax, and make up for it later was a real bonus.

He might not be able to see the dawn of time or live a completely new existence, but for once in his life, he controlled his own luck.

Max was the first to notice something was clearly up. Michael had been luckier than usual but his excitement for day to day life was disconcerting.

“Are you on drugs?” Max asked him when he caught Michael by his locker and confronted him about his unusually good mood.

“Why is the first place you go to, me being high or drunk?”

“Because I’ve actually seen you be both.” 

Michael was about to protest that he had never been both but Max reminded him: “Last year, our birthday party? When you made out with Christie Thompson in the backyard before you threw up all over her.”

That’s something Michael would definitely have erased if he had the patience.

“Well I’m not.” Michael brushed off the concern. “Can’t I just be in a good mood?”

“You can, but it’s just that you usually aren’t.” He gave Michael the classic Max Evans stare, full of concern and a tinge of judgment.

Michael folded. “Ok fine I’ll tell you.”

Max waited. “Tell me then.”

“Not now. Meet me with Isobel later today.” 

“Why are you being so secretive? Please tell me it’s nothing illegal.”

Michael shook his head and walked away. “Just bring Is.”

–

Despite being desperate to know Michael’s news, Max was now frowning and clearly not focused on Michael sitting opposite next to Is. He’d chosen this seat to obviously be able to see the counter. Michael glanced back to see Liz Ortecho leaning over the counter chatting with Alex Manes, who was in his work getup, dark clothes and visor with bright green logo of the ufo emporium.

Of course, Max was jealous.

“Is this why you wanted to meet here?” Michael sighed, turning his straw in his milkshake. “Why don’t you just ask her out?” 

Isobel smirked and put away her phone. “That would mean speaking to her.”

“Shut up. You’re the one who didn’t want to come by our house.” Max finally tore his eyes away from the waitress. “So, what’s the big secret?”

Michael leaned in, he hadn’t figured what exactly he was going to say, but in hushed tones revealed his findings.

“I think I can travel through time.”

Isobel covered her mouth, trying not to burst out laughing.

“I thought you were actually going to tell us something serious. Like you got someone pregnant.”

Michael scowled. “I am serious.” 

“So can you tell us, is earth taken over by aliens by the year 2500?” Max actually did laugh, chuckling at his own lame joke. 

“You guys are the worst.” Why had he expected this to go any different?

Isobel grabbed his hand as she tried to apologise for her reaction, but he brushed her off.

“Ok – ok.” Max put his hands up as his laughter died down. He could see that Michael was getting increasingly frustrated with them. “Tell us how it works.”

Michael pulled out the device from his jacket pocket with a sneer and placed it firmly on the table. 

“This thing allows me to go to points in my own life.” Met with blank stares, he explained further. “Ok, think of it like this:if time dilation occurs the closer something is to an object of intense gravitational pull, like a black hole, what’s to say it can’t reverse or accelerate time based on the pulling force?”

“Theoretically,” Max replied. “Are you saying it’s a mini black hole?”

“It’s not just theoretical, and no – probably – not exactly a black hole…”

Going along with the idea, Max suggested: “If this does work, shouldn’t there be multiple versions of yourself every time you use it? Would meeting another version break the space-time continuum?”

“It does work,” Michael defended before reluctantly admitting: “I don’t really know yet, I think I kind of replace myself. I’ve only gone back an hour at most.”

“So if you go back to when you were one, would you be a baby or would you be a teenager replacing him?” Isobel laughed with Max this time.

Michael just glared at them both. He hated admitting he didn’t know the answers, yet.

Isobel took it from the center of the table, she looked it at both sides before proceeding to clasp it between her palms. “Will our Romeo here ever ask out Liz?”

“It’s not an eight ball,” Michael said, taking it back and stuffing it back in his pocket before anyone else could see. “Plus, we all know he’d rather just pine and mope than ever do something.”

Max was distracted before he could get defensive about Liz or continue asking more probing questions that Michael hadn’t figured out yet. His attention had shifted to the entrance and back to Liz Ortecho, where voices had begun to rise. 

Liz had her hands on her hips and was listening to the abuse being thrown at her. “We can refuse service to anyone. Please leave.”

“You fucking illegal bitch!”

As the customer stepped towards Liz, Max hands gripped the table, and he sprung to his feet ready to defend Liz, but Alex was already there. He stood between them bearing the brunt of the huffing, furious Wyatt Long. “The door is behind you.” 

“Manes, my problem is not with you,” Wyatt spat, trying to get around him.

“Well mine is with you,” Alex spat back with equal venom, his forearm pushing Wyatt out the front door. “Leave before we call the sheriff.”

The bell jingled as Wyatt took an involuntary step back through it. Michael watched in horror as Wyatt’s arm swung back before coming back with full force to contact Alex’s face.

Both Max and Michael moved quickly to try to help the situation.

Michael offered a hand to help Alex up, but he didn’t take it, instead pushing himself to his feet. His visor had fallen and his lip had already started to swell as he licked the blood at the corner and grinned, almost as if wanted that to happen.

“And that’s assault. I hear third strike and it’s no longer community service.”  

Michael didn’t let the second punch land. He had already leapt back and was quickly on his feet as Liz was saying: “We can refuse service to anyone.”

He interrupted before Alex even had a chance to speak.

“Just leave, Long. people are eating, and no one is in the mood for your bigoted bullshit,” Michael said, approaching the situation. Max followed, “We already called the sheriff, and since they’ve refused you service, this is trespassing.” He glanced to Alex quickly before adding, “I hear it's your third strike.”

Wyatt glanced between Max and Alex, and then back at Michael. Three to one. With a sneer, he realized it wasn’t worth it, and stormed out.

Michael breathed out, and with a chuckle turned, expecting a thank you. Where Liz smiled fondly and did thank them, Alex just frowned as if he weren’t grateful for the help. What was his problem? Michael thought. He had saved him twice now.

–

He only got questioning glances from both the Evans’ after the incident, as if it were more far-fetched for him to have any interest in other peoples’ issues than to have experienced the same fight twice and stepped in both times.

Talking to Max though, he had realised how little he knew about how it all worked and what potential it had. He took out the piece of time tech and let it dangle above his head. What would be the extent of this device? If it had the power to distort reality enough for him to go back in time, would it be able to inertia to push him forward in time?

Following the same logic as he had tried to explain to the twins, the distance between two points in time were closer than they seemed, and maybe he just had to find the right way to reach them. Now was as good a time as any to try. 

Would he ever leave this god forsaken town? Michael focused his mind as if that would be energy enough.

It was something that could be a reality, for college maybe, or if Max and Isobel weren’t around anymore. It was something he’d thought about since he was placed with his Roswell foster family. He hated the family; horrible adults who were only after the government checks and didn’t give a shit about him, but Michael had stayed with them longer than he should have because it had given him the chance to meet Max and Isobel again. If they left, he wouldn’t have a reason to stay.

Michael stared intently waiting for something, anything to happen. 

Reply hazy- try again .  Michael sarcastically thought.

It was frustrating. Maybe he was only able to go back in time because it was a fixed moment he had actually lived at some point. Maybe it was impossible to see a future where he’d be happy because it wasn’t an existing reality for him. Both explanations were just as depressing as if he had seen himself living out of the airstream stuck between Roswell and the autoyard his whole life.

As he dropped the pendant on the linoleum floor, it floated like a feather…except  it wasn’t just that. Everything had slowed down. Michael felt as though eons had passed, and then all at once like he was thrown on a twister ride at the amusement park.

The hall table shook as he leapt this time. He took hold of the edge to steady himself, the heaviness in his head worse than it had ever been, though it began to lighten after a few minutes. He pushed back the stray curls from his face and finally breathed.

He was in a house. Not a trailer or his pick up, but an actual house, which he could only assume was his - he was still holding the key. He threw it onto the counter and took a step into the unfamiliar home. It was full of half-packed moving boxes, and a suitcase, he recognized as his own.

Without looking in a mirror, he could only imagine how much older he looked. Running a hand along his angled jaw, he felt the stubble and chapped lips. How far had he gone? Five years? Ten? Even more? At least he could now tell Max what it was like.

Michael looked through the first box he reached. Everything felt familiar, and yet it was brand new to him. A solid guitar case was wedged next to a keyboard stand, and there were pillows for protection. Whoever had packed this was horrible at packing. He pulled out the top cushion to release the guitar case. 

He read the faded letters AM on the neck, written in silver sharpie. Michael opened it up and pulled out the instrument. He ran his fingers across the smooth oak and picked the steel strings.

He turned, and finally noticed a presence leaning against the doorframe with a smirk on their face,

“If you unpack all that, I’m not helping you pack it back up.”

Michael’s heart lurched and the neck of the guitar slipped out of his clattering to the floor. 

“Careful, Cowboy.”

It was Alex Manes , not all annoyed, despite the words he was saying. 

Michael gaped at the man before him, unable to even bring himself to pick up the guitar, Until the obviously no-so-distant acquaintance pushed himself away from the door and walked over. 

“Are you okay?”

A million thoughts were running through Michael’s mind, until he was instantaneously grounded and felt the cool touch. Alex placed the back of his hand on Michael’s cheek and then forehead checking for warmth. “You do look a little flushed.”

Michael knew he had to tell the brunette before he did anything stupid, but then Alex leaned forward, placed a soft kiss on Michael’s lips, and all thoughts left his mind. Michael found himself chasing Alex’s lips when he pulled away. He placed a swift hand on the small of Alex’s back and dragged him back in, his own pallor gone as he was blushing at his own neediness.

Alex giggled pushing his shoulders away. “You’re all good.”

But Michael didn’t let go.

“Alex…” Was he somehow mistaken? No, he couldn’t have been. The haircut was new, as was the scar above his eyebrow, but the same dark lashes cast a wispy shadow over Alex’s almond eyes.

Alex cocked an eyebrow, suspicious that Michael was acting so odd.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this.” Michael blinked in awe of this beautiful man, who he was somehow living with? Dating? He decided to just embrace it, smirking, and raking his eyes over Alex. Only then did he notice the golden band around Alex’s finger matching one on his own. “How the hell did I get so lucky?”

Alex smiled, then looked away. It still made him shy when he heard that type of thing from Michael.

“Ok, get dressed. We can’t keep everyone waiting at our own goodbye party.”

Michael wanted to ask who everyone was, and where they were going. But he figured he was expected to already know, so he nodded and finally dropped his hands from Alex’s waist.

He finally saw himself in the bathroom mirror, a thirty something year-old version of himself. His curls were messy and wild, he was rugged, taller and dare he say it, handsome. He looked around the bathroom; it wasn’t snooping if it was his. A couple toothbrushes in a mug sat atop the sink, next to facial cleanser and a soap dish. Alex had meds for pain relief and anxiety in the cupboard next to what Michael assumed was his curl cream, all signs of the domestic home they had somehow created.

They had clearly been able to let each other into their private lives, and neither had run away scared. He sat on the closed toilet seat and buried his head in his hands as the doubt crept further. How the hell had he not screwed this up already? 

He quickly splashed some water on his face. From the wardrobe, he pulled on what he assumed was his flannel shirt and a padded chord jacket that looked like something he might wear. After finding a black cowboy hat on the back of the door, he threw that on too. If Alex was going to call him cowboy, he might as well embrace the look. He slipped the pendant back under his shirt.

Alex had just finished lacing up his boots when Michael noticed the metal replacing the other man’s left shin before he slipped his jeans down. He wondered about that, but asking now would give him away, and that seemed too much for someone who wasn’t planning on staying too long.

“Shall we?” Alex threw on a leather jacket and took the set of keys from the counter. A powder blue truck parked next to the Jeep in the driveway meant not everything could have changed. Maybe they were actually meeting the only two people that mattered to Michael. 

 –

“Alex! Mikey!” Liz exclaimed, happy to see the two as soon as they arrived at another new house.

Michael frowned, he wasn’t too keen on that nickname from someone he’d hardly spoken to. For someone so short she closed the distance between them quickly and had pulled them both down into a crushing hug. 

“Nice to see you, too,” Alex said, a little winded. 

Everyone had meant everyone . Even Kyle was around. Outside of Is and Max, Michael never expected these people to be in his life after a decade. It was incredibly odd. They were led over to the rest of the group out on the patio, and Liz joined his brother’s side.

Good for him . 

He watched as one of Alex’s old friends - Maria De Luca, he recalled, dragged Alex into the living room to sit with Kyle and another guy in a clerical collar. Isobel came around to Michael and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. 

Max gave him a nod and handed him a beer from the cooler as they sat around a woodfire. They teased Michael, who was still looking towards Alex to see if he’d make his way back to him. He brushed them off and asked about their lives instead. It was easy enough to reminisce when he was obviously at a farewell party.

He learned a few things by their conversation from having to fill in the gaps himself. Straight laced Max Evans was now Sheriff, Isobel was starting her own business after working years as an event planner. Kyle had recently returned from his fellowship in surgery and rekindled his romance with Isobel, and Alex, his Alex, was the love of this Michael’s life. He didn’t need to hear about how he’d been so happy introducing the twins to Alex for the first time as his boyfriend, about how nervous he was before the wedding, or him dreaming of a white picket fence and a family with this man. He didn’t need to be told because he could feel it all. It was overwhelming living this Michael’s life, his life, but he had never known how much he needed it.

“I’m so proud of you Michael.”

“Thanks.” Michael smiled; he was proud of himself.“Things have changed quite a bit from when we were seventeen.

“It has, but for the better right?” Isobel asked, leaning against his shoulder. Michael nodded as she murmured: “I’m going to miss you so much.”

“I’ll miss you too.” 

“You better come visit, and if you keep Alex away, I’m going to kill you.”

“Okay!” He tried to act offended, but it came out as a laugh. “I see where your loyalty lies.”

When the fire died out and Max had wandered in to find Liz again, Michael pulled Isobel to her feet and he made his way back towards Alex.

Michael observed as everyone around him fell into casual conversations and inside jokes. He remained quiet again, still unsure where he fit. Michael felt Alex slip his fingers around his and it felt like instinct to lift the palm to his lips and peck the back of his hand. He fit perfectly.

“You two are insufferably adorable,” Isobel exclaimed.

Alex laughed. It was a wonderful sound; Michael felt the need to kiss him again, so he did. 

Chapter Text

Michael walked into the bedroom to see Alex sitting comfortably on the edge of the bed in his boxers and a worn air force tee. He watched as Alex loosened the socket attached distal to his knee and rolled down the liner. Alex sighed in relief as he got the sock off, revealing his amputated limb, and looked up to see his husband watching him. Michael was grinning as he came to sit down beside him.

He finally had the life he’d wanted but never could’ve imagined for himself.

Alex smiled as the mattress dipped next to him. “Did you have fun? You spent a long time with Max and Is by the fire.”

“Yeah it was really nice,” Michael replied. “You should’ve come and joined us.”

“No, it seemed like a private siblings-only moment.”

“Were you jealous?” Michael smirked.

Alex chuckled. “Not at all.”

“Well darling, I was jealous,” Michael admitted coyly and as Alex tilted his head and stared. What did he have to be jealous of? “Everyone loves you. You’re so smart, gorgeous and perfect.” Michael kissed Alex’s lips with each compliment. “How the hell have you settled for me?”

Alex’s face fell and he shook his head. “We’re both far from perfect. Please stop always putting yourself down. You and I, we’ve been through too much for this to be settling .” He sighed and communicated how wrong Michael was with just a few simple words: “I love you, Michael.”

Michael’s heart ached wanting to kiss the frown away. He placed his hand gently on Alex’s jaw and grazed his thumb against his cheek as he leaned in for the second time that night. It was slow and tender, as if he was already acquainted with every movement and wanted the moment to last. As his other hand slipped under Alex’s t-shirt to caress his waist and help lean him back against the pillow, Alex’s hands ran across his chest and over onto his shoulders, fingers starting to play with his curls on the back of Michael’s head.

“I love you, Alex Manes.”

“Can I ask you something?” Alex whispered against his lips before Michael caught them again.

Michael pulled away as Alex looked at him, his face contorting as he considered whether he should say it.

“You’re not from this time, are you?”

Michael pushed himself up. Of course this Michael had shared everything with Alex. They were married for god’s sake.

“When did you figure it out?”

“Right now, I guess.” Alex was nervously tapping his finger against his knee, head still on the headrest. “I probably should’ve known much earlier; I become kind of dumb when it comes to you.” He smiled as if it was another inside story between them.

“I’m so sorry…” he started, fearing the worst of what Alex would think, looking for any excuse that would absolve him.

“When are you from?”

Michael hesitated, wary of the answer. “Senior year.”

But Alex half laughed and sat up straighter. “Ahh.”

“Is it that weird?”

“No, sorry.” Alex brought his lips to a thin smile. “But it was a weird time back then, wasn’t it?”

Michael nodded. That was an understatement. “I wouldn’t have even imagined this.” A home, a love, being actually happy. “But now I can’t imagine without.”

His husband, after a moment of quiet contemplation, said with a soft smile: “You should go back.”

Michael's face fell. It was the original plan all along, but hearing Alex say it hurt.

“Yeah… yeah.” He looked down, trying not to let Alex see the tears that were starting to form. He was not going to make this even worse and look like an immature kid in front of Alex.

“You’ve lived a whole life that you’ve missed. I can tell you, it's not always going to be easy or quick, but nothing worth it is.” It was Alex’s turn to cup his cheek, and he coaxed Michael to look at him before gently placing his lips on his cheek. “It’ll be okay.”

He had never thought he’d be jealous of himself. At 17, he couldn’t admit it to himself let alone anyone, that he wanted that happy, picket fence life. A home. However, Alex was right. He couldn’t skip to the good part.

When Michael opened his eyes he was sitting on the edge of his bed, the device lying on the floor next to his leg. He was no longer looking at Alex, just a small square window in his airstream. He was back to where he had left it, a miserable teenager without a family, or a proper home.

--

Getting to know Alex Manes from scratch was harder than anything he’d ever done.

Michael had spent a whole night missing him. How could he miss someone he’d only had for less than a day. No, he had felt the years of pining in his heart, he felt the love and the perfect contentment they had earned, and now he could feel the emptiness he had without Alex in his life.

When he saw Alex that next morning he smiled so widely that Max almost asked him if he was high again. Alex was getting down from Kyle’s SUV, younger, ears and hands adorned with jewelry again, and a dark oversized sweater making him look even paler than he remembered. Michael instinctively jogged to his side, Isobel raising a brow at the fact that he had run ahead of even her.

“Hey Alex.”

Alex looked up, equally confused as everyone else as to why Michael was speaking to him, the subtle bite of his lip and expectant eyes made Michael just want to take his face in his hands and kiss him senseless.

“Can I talk to you?”

“Why?”

“Umm – alone.” He looked towards his siblings standing behind him and then back at Alex.

Kyle stepped forward, protector to his friend. Michael looked to Kyle, wanting to tell him to get lost, but Alex pushed his shoulder gently away and cleared the space between them giving Michael a nod that it was fine.

Michael took him past Max and Isobel and behind the main building. Alex gave a wary glance back at Kyle, but still followed, stopping when they were truly alone. He stood back, pulling at the strap of his backpack. Michael was still preparing himself, trying to figure out how to start.

“Guerin, the bell’s going to ring any second, can you make this quick?”

Alex flinched when Michael raised his hand to rest on his shoulder. What was he thinking, that Michael would beat him up out of the blue? Had that happened to him before?

“Umm –” Michael let his hand fall and awkwardly tucked it in his jeans pocket. He couldn’t tell Alex. How would that even sound? We’re married in a hopefully not so distant future so I think maybe we should date? First, Alex would never believe him, second Michael might have feelings for him but Alex owed him nothing and to make it an obligation because of some future they may have together was cruel. No, he was going to do this on his own. They did grow to like each other at some stage, he just needed it to happen now. “Do you want to hang out this evening?”

“Umm…” Alex couldn’t figure out where the joke was. “No, I’m working.”

“What about tomorrow?” Michael asked again. He knew he also had to work the autoyard then, but if he’d stay a few extra hours Saturday, it would be fine.

“Look, Guerin, I work most days, and I have a curfew, so whatever you need me for, find someone else,” Alex said, exasperated. He looked away from Michael as the first warning bell rang. “If that’s all, I’ll see you around.”

Shit. Michael could do with a redo, but how would it have been any different? He had to trust Alex when he had said that it wouldn’t be easy, but eventually would be worth it. Michael instead prepared himself to put in the work and followed Alex to class.

–

Michael wasn’t surprised when he was cornered by the Evans'.

“What was that?”

Michael was expecting an interrogation, but shrugged, feigning ignorance to what Isobel may be referring.

Isobel wasn’t having that. She glared back. “You know what. Why did you want to talk to Alex?”

“Isn’t he friends with your boyfriend? You wanted us to make an effort?”

She kept glaring, waiting for an actual answer from Michael.

“I just wanted to see if he wanted to hang out, you know, get to know each other.”

“Why?” Max's curiosity also peaked. Michael had never gone out of his way to get to know someone.

Michael shrugged again. “I can have friends outside you two.”

Isobel shared Max’s intuitive look. “Just don’t be a dick to him.”

“When have I ever?”

–

Michael was walking with Max when he noticed Alex eating lunch with Maria de Luca, who was running her fingers on Alex’s palms, and Michael found himself changed course.

“There’s a pretty deep love in your life, it's just around the corner,” he heard Maria say as she concentrated on Alex’s palm. “You’re life line is all over the place, Alex.”

Alex chuckled to his friend. “Maybe you still need some practice.”

“Hey Alex, mind if we sit here?”

He ignored the scoff from Max as Michael pulled out the chair next to the brunette. Max awkwardly took the seat opposite, curious to see Michael’s motivations.

“It’s a free country,” Alex continued eating, turning back to Maria.

Max motioned his head, telling Michael they should probably leave Alex alone, but Michael was not listening.

“Hi...” Liz interrupted, hovering above them holding her tray, confused at the presence of Alex's new friends .

She gave a questioning glance to Alex who just shrugged. Max gawked; he was no longer trying to leave.

“What were you doing?” Michael interrupted, earning a glare from Maria, who mistook his curiosity for judgment.

“I’m honing my psychic abilities.” She let Alex’s hands go. “Alex has got a pretty good future in his hands.”

Alex shook his head but still had a smile on his face.

Michael leaned forward into Alex’s space. “Do you see me in it?”

Alex’s eyes widened as choked on his water.

“What makes you ask that?” Maria questioned, looking past Alex at the curly haired classmate.

“Because we’re going to be friends, right Alex?”

Maria laughed, but Alex was more skeptical of Michael’s sudden interest in him.

“You don’t know anything about me,” Alex pointed out, now facing Michael directly .

“That’s what I’m trying to do,” Michael admitted.

Alex studied Michael’s face, trying to work out what his motivations could be before muttering: “It’s not going to be worth it.”

–

The more he tried, the more he was starting to think that Alex Manes in high school was nothing like the future Alex he’d met. He was so frustrating in comparison, closed off and cold.

Michael pulled out the glass from around his neck. He’d found himself trying one way or another most nights since returning from what he thought could have been his future. Some nights he just hold it, or on occasion, like tonight, throw it and demand it to take him forward. He was tired of this. He would settle for just an hour in that future, time to confirm for himself that they were still a possibility and it wasn’t just a fever dream he’d had. Michael wanted to ask Alex what it was that made him fall for him, because right now he clearly did not have any feelings towards Michael; love or even hate. Worse, he was completely indifferent to Michael.

What if it just wasn’t going to be a reality for him?

Michael thought he had gone to sleep ruminating on his anxieties.

He woke up in the middle of the night, half naked in his airstream, arm overhanging the end of the bed, the other numb under a warm body. He slipped it slowly out and turned in the crowded bed to face the woman taking up space there. He sat up still groggy from awaking or the inertia of being jumping forwards, the remnants of a hangover in the recesses of his mind didn’t help.

He looked at the woman lying there, blonde hair draping over her part of her face. She was pretty, faded red lipstick on rosebud lips and dark brows that contrasted her platinum hair, but he felt nothing. He wanted her to leave.

He couldn’t wake her and push her out though. It was 4am. Instead, he grabbed a t-shirt he’d haphazardly thrown on the ground, buttoned his jeans and grabbed his keys.

Leaving the airstream, he didn’t know where to go. All he had was an airstream in the middle of a junkyard. The Evans’ couldn’t still be living with their parents could they? He got into the truck and just drove until he found himself pulling in through the back gate of Fosters Ranch.

He searched his phone for Alex. There was nothing, nor was there an entry for ‘Manes.’

He dialed Isobel’s number. After a few rings, she groggily spoke into the phone: “Do you have any idea what time it is?”

“Is…” he murmured. There were too many questions, but he asked the most important answer he needed.

“Are you okay?” Her voice cleared. She was wide awake and worried now. “Where are you?”

“I’m freaking fantastic.” He groaned. “Where’s Alex?”

“Alex?” She was confused. For a moment. “Alex Manes?”

“Yes, Alex. I need to see him.”

“Why do you need to see Alex?” Isobel asked, “He hasn’t been around in years.”

Michael was losing faith. This wasn’t his life, it couldn’t be. There was no Alex. He heard murmuring next to her and then: “Kyle wants to speak to you.”

“What do you want with Alex?” Kyle mumbled, too tired to be amused.

“I just want to see him.”

“Too bad. He’s not going to come back to Roswell,” Kyle reminded him and Michael felt a hurt he’d felt before. “Why do you even care now anyway?”

“Why I care is none of your business,” Michael snapped. He stopped pacing and dropped his tone, begging: “Can you at least give me his number?“

“No, but I’ll let him know you asked about him.” Kyle wasn’t budging, only agreeing to text him. He had a pretty annoying sense of loyalty.

“Give the phone back to Is, please.”

“Michael?”

He heard her voice again

“Slap your boyfriend for me.” He hung up the phone.

Michael waited for a call, a text, anything from Alex, but as the sky started to lighten and the sun peeked the horizon, he gave up. He knew he couldn’t stick around waiting for something that might never come. He threw his phone, not caring as it cracked on the hard ground.

Michael couldn’t stay here, he needed to go back.

--

Michael stood out the front of the UFO emporium, hands in pocket and awkwardly kicking the air. He was being selfish and was making everything worse for Alex, probably pushing him so far that he would leave Roswell. He needed to apologise.

It was meant to have opened a half hour ago, but Alex wasn’t there. Thankfully there was never a line at the emporium outside of holidays. However, punctuality didn’t seem to be an issue for Alex.

After a while, Michael finally saw an unfamiliar car pull up with Alex in the passenger seat. The subtle similarities in the face of the driver and Michael could tell he was one of his brothers. The man gave Alex a gentle pat on the shoulder before Alex got out of the car and ran the short distance to his job, his vest flapping behind his back and his hair stuck up from the top of the black and green visor. Michael couldn’t help but smile seeing him, but the other boy just frowned.

“Guerin, I don’t have time to deal with you today,” Alex snapped at Michael as he opened up his booth, wiping stray tears from his eyes.

“There’s no one here,” Michael pointed out. “Anyway, I only came by to apologise for annoying you recently. I know I can’t really force a friendship.”

Alex nodded, avoiding looking at Michael, hoping he could hide his glassy eyes. “Ok, I appreciate that.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’ll be okay.” Alex tried to convince himself. He looked past Michael and then behind him into the empty museum.

He sighed and it caught Michael by surprise when he finally asked if Michael could drive him somewhere. Alex didn’t have anywhere in mind, he just needed to get away, so Michael drove Alex to his favourite spot in the county: the back of Fosters’ Ranch overlooking the empty fields and under the shadow of the New Mexico alpine range. This was a place he had come to countless times growing up to escape his life. He could think about anything out here, or nothing at all sometimes. Next to playing guitar, this came pretty close to tranquility.

When Alex got out, Michael stayed in the truck, letting him have the calm he seemed to desperately need. Alex sat himself on the fence and just breathed. After some time, when he was finally ready, he jumped down and got back into the truck and gave a thin smile to Michael. “Thanks for this.”

“No worries.”

“Sometimes, it’s all a bit much you know?” Alex added, needing to explain his breakdown someway.

Michael nodded, understanding that feeling. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. This has always been a good place to quiet all the noise.”

Feeling more comfortable in Michael’s company, Alex relaxed into the seat and spoke.

“My brother Greg’s currently home from the army.”

“You don’t get along with him?” Michael guessed.

Alex shook his head. “No, he’s probably the brother I’m closest to. But he just announced he was going to retire.”

Michael didn’t understand why that would have been a problem.

Alex explained: “My dad hates quitters, but one thing I can count on is that he hates me much more. So I chose that time to mention that I was considering not joining the airforce at all. It didn’t go over great.”

“I’m sorry, Alex.” Michael looked over at the passenger who was just looking out the window.

“It’s not your fault.” Alex shrugged. “I should have not gotten involved.”

“Not yours either. You did what any brother would’ve done.” Michael knew if it was Isobel or even Max, he would take the brunt of any trouble to save them from it.

Alex awkwardly looked over at Michael, and then blinked. “Anyway, thanks for listening, I hope I didn’t ruin your quiet place,” Alex murmured under his breath.

Michael shook his head vigorously. “I don’t mind sharing.”

Alex nodded. “Thanks.”

After a few moments of comfortable silence between them, Alex looked back out at purple sky over the red hills as they got further away from Foster’s Ranch and whispered to himself. “I should’ve brought my guitar.”

Michael heard.

“You play guitar?” He asked as if he hadn’t already known.

Alex believed it.

“Yeah.”

Michael observed the smile forming on Alex’s lips, even as the other man tried to hide it - a little sad and proud of himself at the same time.

“My mum taught me.”

There was a story there, but despite his curiosity he wanted to continue to see Alex’s smile more.

“You play too, right? I’ve seen you take the guitars from the music room.”

“I always return them,” Michael defended the assumed accusation. “ – eventually.”

Alex was looking upward, still smiling. “We should play together sometime.”

“You asking me out, Manes?” He grinned, looking at Alex.

“No, look at the road.” Alex sneered. “I take it back.”

“Nope. How about next time I bring you out here, we bring a couple of guitars, a couple beers…”

“Where are you going to get beers from?”

“I have my ways.” Michael winked.

Alex thought about it. “Ok sure,” he conceded.

“It’s a date!”

Alex rolled his eyes but there was a smile on his face nonetheless “Not a date.”

Michael just laughed. “What type of music do you play?”

He knew he had hit the right topic, by the twinkle in Alex’s eyes as he spoke about music and his love of slow ballads as well as rock - Michael called it pop which earned a scowl from Alex – and the sly grin as he teased Michael for his love of old country songs and whatever he heard on the radio.

He could see it, why this man would mean so much to him, because right now he was already starting to. Michael was enthralled. His tongue pushed at his top teeth, trying to stop his eyes from wandering to Alex’s lips, wondering if they were as soft as he remembered.

“Look at the road!”

“I am!” Michael insisted before softly reiterating as he glanced yet again towards Alex. “I am – but you’re very distracting.”

“How?” Alex laughed at the dumb grin on the other’s face. His weight felt a lot lighter for the moment, and for that he was thankful to Michael.

Michael moved his eyes back to the road.

--

Michael had accepted that Alex would be back to usual self the next day. That he would return to being casual acquaintances when he wasn’t in the same vulnerable state. Alex looked exhausted, eyelids drooping and resting on his palm. But Michael was wrong, he was ready to just walk to his seat, but Alex’s lips still spread in a smile and in the briefest of eye contacts, he surreptitiously mouthed a hi. Smiling back, Michael had fallen into his seat.

Isobel watched from her seat, seeing her brother’s mood instantly lift with one interaction.

“You like Alex.” Later that day, Michael found Isobel leaning against his locker waiting earnestly to announce it, “Kyle was worried you were bullying him… But you actually like him.”

Michael scoffed, “I can’t even smile at someone now?”

“You can, you don’t though.” smirking Isobel pinched his cheek, “you knew exactly what I was talking about, how long have you been reliving that?”

Michael walked into that. Brushing her hand away, he shrugged and with a soft smile, “Sure, I like him.” Eyes widening, she squealed loudly, she was only guessing after seeing their interaction, but to actually have Michael admit it was satisfying. People turned to look and Michael shushed her. He could see the gears turning in her mind, “Don’t do anything Is, he doesn’t need more people making him uncomfortable.”

“I won’t.” She promised, unable to stop grinning.

Of course, Michael should’ve expected her to fold quickly.

It had been less than 48 hours when his phone vibrated on the tin barrel it rested on. Michael wiped his hands on the rag hanging on his belt, grabbed it to see a message from an unknown number.

Hey Michael, Isobel gave me your number.

I don’t know if you were serious, but if you would like to go with me this Saturday, I could use some quiet.

Seconds later, This is Alex Manes by the way.

Grinning widely, Michael typed out a reply. I think I know a place. It’s a date?

The ellipses appeared and disappeared and after an expectant minute, Alex replied.

-_- I’ll bring the guitars

Chuckling to himself, Michael agreed to their non-date.

Saturday came exceptionally slow, Michael didn’t take any time back at all since he’d received Alex’s text, knowing it would only delay his time to Alex. By the time he was leaving the airstream, Michael realised he hadn’t had to use the time device in over a week. He observed the device before heading out, he didn’t put it on, instead throwing it in the glove compartment and to pick Alex up.

They sat on edge of the truckbed, eating takeout from Crashdown and chatting about whatever came to mind. It was nice.

Alex asked about Michael’s connection with the Evans’. The ex-foster child opened up about how he considered them his siblings, even if they were adopted out with him. “I mean I was the problem kid taking apart the toaster when the Evans’ came around.”

Michael observed Alex twist the ring on his index finger, “you didn’t ever wish you could have been adopted then?”

Gently smiling, Michael couldn’t lie that he’d never considered it, “I wouldn’t wish that now. If I had been, I don’t know that I’d be sitting here with you right now. And that would suck.”

Alex blushed, and he changed the subject, “I have something for you.” He pulled across one of the guitar cases and opened it up. Michael had expected Alex would’ve borrowed a guitar from the music room for him, but this was older wood and higher quality strings.

“It’s my older brother’s’” Alex said, noticing Michael admiring the instrument “He doesn’t play anymore… I thought you might want a guitar for yourself.”

“I can’t take this.” Michael frowned, “It’s too fancy...”

“It’s just collecting dust in the shed,” Alex insisted, pushing it back towards Michael and pulling out his own, familiar instrument, silver letters along the neck, “I already have a pretty good one.”

“Now I feel worse about being unsuccessful with the beers.”

A smile graced Alex’s lips as Michael finally accepted the guitar and tried out the C and G chords.

Michael was leaning against the taillight, strumming to match Alex. It wasn’t a song he recognised, but a simple string of notes and chords that formed a nice melody.

It was a perfect afternoon, calm and filled with music and laughter from the two. Michael couldn’t have imagined a more perfect first non-date. Time was flying by too quickly.

“What do you think your future looks like?”

Alex sat on the edge of the truck bed and put his guitar carefully behind him. He thought about the question. No one had ever asked him that.

“My dad wants me to be a soldier, like him.”

Michael thought about an older Alex, one who had served two terms in the air force, and although certainly scarred by the experience, was still somehow happy.

“But what do you want?”

“Well – I thought I wanted to be a musician, but I don’t think it’s for me really,” he noted, as if he’d already given up on it before he even tried. He noticed the questioning stare. “I realised I don’t like crowds.” Starting to get self conscious, Alex added: “I don’t really know. Maybe something in technology or intelligence instead. What about you?”

“I don’t like crowds either.”

Alex chuckled and nudged against his shoulder. “No, what do you want to do?”

“I want to be an engineer. Maybe environmental, maybe civil.” Michael shrugged. “I just want to create something that changes the world for my kids one day.”

Alex was looking at him, not judging or smiling, just looking like he was still trying to figure him out.

“Anyways, that's a long way away from fixing a broken engine.”

“I’m sure you’ll get there.” Alex nodded, as if it was that simple, and Michael didn’t need to see it actualised to believe him.

Michael couldn’t hold back much longer. He leaned forward and slipped a hand behind Alex’s collar turning his head, his fingers tickling the hairs on the nape of his neck. The brunette tried to laugh but it caught in his throat. Alex’s face softened after a moment and he looked at Michael through dark lashes, finally melting into his touch.

Hearts beating fast against their ribcages, they were unable to differentiate whose was beating louder when they finally closed the gap. It was a simple meeting of lips at first. Alex’s hands came to rest on Michael’s chest keeping himself steady as they started to rhythmically move their lips against the other.

It was different to kissing Alex Manes from the future, and not just in age. There wasn’t the same intricate understanding of each other’s movement - that you could only learn from years together. Instead of rough stubble grazing his chin, he could feel the cool touch of Alex’s septum piercing against his own nose. It was different and new, but it was just as perfect.

When Michael finally parted and observed Alex, his eyes were still closed, his hand still clutching the fabric over Michael’s heart. His face changed from one of content to something unreadable.

“Shit,” he finally whispered, eyes opening as he leaned away and ran a hand through his mussed hair. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

Michael’s face fell and he adjusted where he stood.“Should I have not?”

Instead of answering, Alex just sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he collected his racing thoughts. The silence only served to heighten Michael’s anxiety. He had jumped the gun and now Alex was going to feel awkward around him - or worse - hate him.

Alex doesn’t have to regret this, he reminded himself – he could undo it.

Realisation quickly followed by panic washed over Alex’s face. “Don’t go back!” Alex’s hand returned to Michael’s chest to stop him as if he could hear his thoughts. He looked afraid.

“What?

“Don’t erase this time.”

One moment they had been making out on the back of his truck, and now Alex was begging him not to turn back time. Michael’s hands fell from Alex’s shoulders, his head a mess,unable to make sense of what he’d just been asked.

He knew .

Chapter Text

Alex was not always miserable. He remembered playing guitar with his mom when he was 11 and having a close friend so much like a brother in Kyle Valenti that his actual brother, Flint, had been jealous. 

At the time, Jesse Manes paid less attention to his youngest son, as it was his oldest making him proud by being the first to follow in his footsteps. When his mother had left, Alex had wished for his remaining parent’s attention and approval back before he knew what that meant. 

It had all been downhill from there. At 14, he had started to realise that he was gay, and his best friend abandoned him in high school when he needed someone the most. Being outed and alone was not at all fun. Worst of all, his father had long since realised Alex’s sexuality before Alex himself even had, and between the abuse and belittlement at home and the bullying at school, he hated his hometown. 

He had taken the first opportunity to leave this godforsaken place and at the same time prove to his dad he wasn’t weak.

Alex Manes was now edging on thirty, out of the air force, and having lost a leg, forced him to return to a town where he lived in the shadow of his father wherever he went. 

Even with his father gone now, somehow the town still carried his presence. There was even a freaking statue commemorating him in the town square. Alex could never feel at home here because he couldn’t relax, but where he could never really relax, one thing he knew how to do was persevere. 

When a curly haired cowboy approached him at the bar, he instantly recognised him. Even under that cowboy hat and weeks’ worth of stubble, it was the same Michael Guerin he’d gone to high school with. The secret genius who had beat Liz Ortecho for valedictorian but didn’t even attend graduation. 

“Manes? Fancy meeting you here,” Michael said as if they were old friends. 

They hadn’t been friends – Michael was only friends with the Evans twins; they hadn’t been anything to each other except two people who sat near each other in AP calculus. Michael was as attractive then as he was now, and he was giving Alex attention. Furthermore, he smelled good, like rain and campfire. 

Alex found himself making out with the cowboy against his car, letting himself be held against the door as Michael tugged on his bottom lip with his teeth and slipped his roughened hand under his shirt.  

He hadn’t been with anyone since his last boyfriend left him for having too much baggage, and that was before he lost a limb, adding a whole other layer of self-consciousness. With the cowboy’s hardening dick rubbing against his own, and the way Michael kissed down his neck, Alex couldn’t hold back a pleasured whine. His fingers entangled in Michael’s curls and knocked the hat off his head. Michael didn’t try to pick it up, instead cupping Alex’s face and meeting his lips again. Alex hadn’t felt this good in a long time. 

“Easy there, Cowboy, I have a prosthetic leg,” Alex announced the moment Michael looked at him for permission before unbuttoning his jeans.

Michael continued to look at him, not knowing what to say, or if he should say anything at all. “Ok – if you still want to though? Would a bed be more comfortable?”

Alex hadn’t considered that Michael might still want to have sex after hearing that,but Michael wasn’t wrong, Alex still desperately wanted it.

Michael took him to his airstream – he lived in Santa Fe for work, but when he came back to town, he always had this place to stay. Alex was thankful that this was his first experience after losing his leg. Michael was kind, attentive and he tried his best to make Alex comfortable on the thin mattress of his trailer. Alex needed it, and that’s all this was -  two people blowing off some steam.

Michael let out a deep exhale when they were lying back in bed. “Should’ve done that years ago.”

Alex grinned. “I didn’t know you were queer years ago.”

“I don’t think I knew myself,” Michael admitted, leaning against his palm and looking at Alex with an admiring smile.

His stare was too much for the airman, so Alex sat himself up and contemplated his exit. He reached for his t-shirt on the dining table attached to the opposite trailer wall, pulling down with it an odd ornament. Alex turned the pendant around in his hand. It was unique, not beautiful by standard means, but a chained outer ring held an intricate glass that appeared naturally made. Had it just illuminated for a microsecond? 

“Didn’t take you for a jewelry type of guy.”

Michael glanced over and took it from Alex.

“A professor back at UNM discovered it, in Careyes. He has me researching the physics behind it.”

Michael scoffed when he saw that Alex had raised a brow.

“I didn’t just become a cowboy. I went to UNM.” Michael was used to having low expectations. “I also did a semester at Stanford.”

“No, I mean what physics would a piece of glass have?” Alex hadn’t meant to offend, he was only curious. “Sorry I asked.”

Michael softened, and dropped his defenses. “Well it’s supposedly Alien tech.” He pushed back his curls out of his eyes and turned the pendant in his hands. “Come on, you also grew up here, you’ve got to believe in Aliens?”

“I believe in tourist traps, because I had to work at one.”

Michael laughed at that.

“It leaps through time,” Michael said nonchalantly, as if it was as simple as saying his truck drove him to the bar tonight.

Alex didn’t believe him, it was impossible, but the enthusiastic way Michael described the notion of time travel and his ideas about where it could have come from, Alex had to admit, he was dedicated to the story and probably had a strong interest in it. 

As a result, Alex humoured him. The airman opening up about all the past things he would change if they could. Michael said he probably wouldn’t go back, he’d go forward, make sure everything turned out okay. Alex disagreed, there were too many things he wished were different. He listed his leg for one, his friendship with Kyle as another, and if he could, he would have gone with mother when she asked. 

Alex could see the pity in Michael’s eyes. He didn’t need pity, he needed a distraction. He leaned into Michael and whispered against his lips, “But maybe I would do this again a couple more times.”

Michael caught his lips with a laugh.

Alex awoke before Michael the next morning. He pulled on his clothes and called himself an Uber. He had to get out of there, it was the type of comfortable that he knew couldn’t last. He looked at the pendant once more. Michael had to be teasing him, it was a piece of glass. The Uber honked, which caused the cowboy to stir and Alex grimaced. He felt like he had opened the airstream door to go outside but the sun had hurt his eyes and the sounds suddenly deafened. And then it went quiet and Alex was pouring himself a coffee in his house as he had done the morning prior.

He didn’t need to avoid the cowboy; they hadn’t even had a reunion yet, but when Alex saw him in the Crashdown the next day, he leapt back. Maybe he created a carbon copy of the device by doing this, or maybe Michael would realise it was missing at some point but by then, he wouldn’t even be a memory in his mind.

Alex learnt how to control it in the next few weeks. If he thought about a moment he’d lived through when he was near the device, he would return there. Minutes, hours, days. Alex had realised he had to still live through the time he’d rewound through. Michael said that it would forward too, he just had to figure it out.

Once a cumulative month had gone by, the glass had changed. It showed a reducing number every time he used it.  Alex was still figuring it out, and had yet to use it for anything important, but the countdown only stressed that he was wasting time. 

Emotion drove him in the end. He had enough left that he could save his limb and still return so he took the leap.

Alex's world shifted in a moment. His whole right side of his body suddenly numb followed by excruciating pain. He screamed out. The fallen walls and the night sky over Baghdad, told him exactly when he was. No matter how much he tried to forget it, he had re-lived it hundreds of times when he closed his eyes. Heknew what happened next. Adrenaline and training allowed him to tourniquet his leg. He wouldn’t be rescued for hours, and his leg, already pale, would start to turn purple before he was.

He had no choice, he had to leap. He thought back to before the mission, but his mind was fogging and his heart pounding rapidly. Alex’s breathing turned heavy, all he wanted was to be home, in his time, pouring coffee in the cabin, even the bar, but nothing changed. He was still here. Alex didn’t know why he thought of it then, but the time he was sixteen lying in bed listening to Panic at the Disco, before he had drifted apart from his friend, before his father had found out he was gay, when things still felt like home, jumped to the forefront of his mind 

–

“I have been stuck in the past for almost two years now, Michael.”

Michael was still reeling. It didn’t make any sense. How could Alex be from the future? He’d met future Alex, sweet and perfect with his life together, not the same lost person Alex was describing now.

“I didn’t mean to leave the device for you,” Alex said. “But when I realised you had it, I thought it would be okay. You’re the smartest person I know and it was originally yours. You’d figure it out and I could go back.” 

Michael blinked, looking for any sign on the other’s face that he was joking. But Alex remained glassy eyed and vacant, no signs of laughter or a punchline waiting to be delivered.

“Are you going to say anything?” Alex asked, the dread palpable in the air.

Michael finally exhaled. “What am I supposed to say? You were miserable, and wanted a way out… believe me I understand. What I don’t understand is why you would want to go back to that.” 

“I don’t even know if it's possible.” Alex chuckled miserably. 

The last two years of teenage hormones and angst  had him resigned to the possibility he would have to live another decade like this…  until Michael punched Wyatt in the diner, and Alex knew exactly who had the device. 

Watching Michael, he was so carefree with his leaps, where Alex was so careful, and yet the original time traveler was the one still messing shit up .  

Michael knew Alex was wrong. It was entirely possible. He could let Alex have that knowledge and do with it he would. Michael knew it was cruel and selfish. But how could he expect that the Alex left behind would want anything to do with him. Why would he? He was a destitute loser that Alex had no other connection to. He didn’t want Alex to leave. Not now, when they finally had a chance in this lifetime, so he didn’t say anything.

“How many timeleaps do you have left?”

“Timeleaps?” Interesting name, Michael thought.

“Sorry, that’s what I call them, where’s the device?”

Michael reached through the passenger window grabbing the pendant from the compartment and walked back over to Alex. Alex didn’t try to take it from him, he just made Michael hold it, and asked him to look closely. In his hands, the centre of the glass had the faint etching of lines, tally marks. Three. It hadn’t always been there, had it?

Michael let go of it easily as Alex took it into his own hand and two lines disappeared as it touched his palm. “I only have one shot at this.”

Alex didn’t notice the other avoiding his eyes or maybe chose to ignore the guilt, wanting to believe in Michael instead. He had tried so hard to avoid the cowboy, afraid he’d somehow be figured out. Alex never believed Michael would understand.  

Rubbing the nape of his neck, he asked Michael again to not take them back, he needed to remember this.

Cutting through the tension with a smirk, Michael asked: “Are we talking about our kiss? Because if you want to remember that…”

Alex softly smiled, his fingers stopped tapping on the metal edge of the truck. Heart fluttering and finally able to relax, glad that Michael was such a dork. “I’m sorry. “ Alex murmured.

Michael was confused, why would Alex be sorry?

“I’m pretty selfish,” Alex murmured. “I’ve changed so many things… I didn’t realise it would affect how you feel and the choices you make.”

“I don’t care,” Michael announced,  “I’m pretty happy, our choices lead us to each other.”

Alex lifted a brow momentarily, but Michael didn’t expect Alex to pull his waist, let him settle between his legs. Alex’s forehead rested on Michael’s for a long minute, before he sighed. He finally dropped his head to Michael’s shoulder, inhaling Michael’s scent.

“I’m not sure what I want anymore.” 

Michael smelt like rain and embers. It was strangely comforting.

–

After putting away his guitar in the shed, Alex made his way into his house. Greg had left and the house was cold and quiet once again. Even with all four brothers there though, it still felt closer to a base than a home. 

He snuck in through the back door an hour past curfew, still thinking about Michael’s question. When he had asked Alex why he still wanted to go back, Alex didn’t have an answer, because somehow he had found himself forgetting why at all.

There wasn’t much left of Alex’s old life. After two years of reliving his adolescence, only remnants of his misery remained. 

Something had changed.

His life was different the second time around. Kyle actually listened to him for once. When he’d come out, Kyle hadn’t abandoned him or thrown him under for popularity. He still had Liz and Maria; they hadn’t had a decade of distant contact to slowly kill their friendship. 

And there was Michael - the curly haired genius. Never having left a strong impression on Alex before, but somehow Michael was constantly vying for his attention. It wasn’t a bother, however. Instead Alex found himself constantly fighting the urge to return in kind with the flirting and to kiss Michael when he joked about it. Alex wanted to live in the moment for once.

Maybe he could do this. It would only be 3 months until he left this house, and he had enough money to pay for college himself, maybe this time he could actually get through this.

“Where have you been?” His father stood sternly by the staircase.

Then again, nothing had changed.

“I was with Maria and Liz,” Alex lied. “We had an assignment to complete.”

Jesse Manes grabbed his son’s arm before he could get past.

“Miss DeLuca was with her mother at the Wild Pony.”

Alex winced as the fingers tightened around his forearm, twisting as they pulled him down a step.

“Do you want to rethink that answer?”

“No Sarge, Maria had to leave to help her mom out.” Alex stood firm in his lie. He had a few more years of experience with it now. “Liz and I ended up finishing it together. You can check with Arturo if you want.”

Jesse stared at him, maybe thinking a minute of menacing silence would be enough for Alex to fold, but he didn’t. Finally, the grip loosened and Alex took the chance to spring up the stairs. He really hoped that Jesse Manes was not going to be that pedantic but he could never be sure with his father. He needed to text Liz.

It wasn’t care or worry when it came from his father, it was control.

–

Alex found himself lying awake most of the night trying to figure out what he wanted. He could keep trying to figure out how to get back, with Michael to possibly help him out. Or he could just let it go, live this life through. 

Neither option seemed great and both equally out of his control. Sleep deprived and annoyed at himself, heightened by his adolescent angst, Alex wanted nothing more than to disappear.

His bad mood brightened as soon as he saw the grinning profile and heard the laughter down the hall as Michael listened to Max Evans whine and pout about something. He was wearing the same things as the night before, minus his jacket, his curls in disarray making him look like a greek god. Michael's gaze cut away from the future sherriff, met his eyes and Alex swore the smile got even wider. With a quick pat and goodbye to Max, Michael was approaching fast. 

There was one reason to stay.

Michael came to a stop in front of him and tried to look less enthusiastic,“Hi.” 

“Hi.” Alex greeted back.

“So…” Michael started as they walked together. “I thought about what you mentioned Saturday night.” Michael shifted his weight, gently bumping shoulders with Alex, wanting to hold his time traveler's hand. Not knowing how Alex would react, Michael settled for brushing the back of his hand against Alex’s.

Alex quirked a brow. “Yeah?”

“I think we could redo our date a few more times in real time. We don’t even have to use the device,” Michael said with such confidence that Alex was stunned at first. He started laughing a moment later. Michael was only partly joking, but liked seeing Alex smile. 

“We’ll see,” Alex said, surprising even himself with how much he wanted to. 

Chapter Text

When Alex Manes finally said they could go on another date, Michael didn’t think he meant moving cardboard aliens around in an empty museum. 

Michael tossed the detached alien limb from one arm, catching it with his other.  “Did you have this job last time round?” 

It felt so natural to talk about time travel with Alex. Michael could tell that a burden had been lifted for the other man and he had nothing left to hide. The last few weeks, Michael had gotten to know a new side to Alex, more than the emo kid who loved being alone, Alex was funny, sarcastic, extremely kindhearted and embarrassingly for the adult he used to be a huge geek - claiming he only knew all the characters in Buffy the Vampire Slayer because he had extra time on his hands to watch it.

“Yeah.” Alex grinned. “Some things don’t really change.”

“Even if you wanted them too?”

“My high school job wouldn’t have been the first thing I would change about my life.” Alex exchanged the UFO for Michael’s alien arm to attach it to the rest of the 6 foot creature.

“Your relationship with Valenti changed though, didn’t it?”

Alex paused, admitting: “I had to tell him…”

It was irrational to be jealous that Alex would have opened up to Kyle first, when Michael likely hadn’t even had a proper conversation with the quiet loner at the time, but he was.

“Being stuck here, I don’t think I would’ve survived otherwise.” 

“How did he take it?”

“Well I told him we’ll drift apart….” Alex was putting it lightly for Kyle’s sake. “And being the stubborn mule he is, decided it wasn't going to happen.”

“That’s probably the smartest thing he’s ever done.” Michael was secretly glad that there were very few people that had yet to realize how easy Alex Manes was to like. But Alex deserved to know the effect he had on others “Who wouldn’t want you in their life?”

Michael was so close and Alex was thankful that the cool lights hid his involuntary blush as he saw Michael study his face. He bit his lip and tried not to give in. 

After a slow moment, Alex had gravitated towards him, tilting to fit his lips against Michael’s. Alex’s lips were cool and chapped compared to Michael’s warm ones, and he couldn’t believe how needy and desperate he was acting as he kept going back for more wet kisses. He murmured something against Michael’s lips before he stepped away finally.

“If I wanted to stay despite everything…” Pulling his gaze away from Michael’s mouth and making eye contact. “Am I an idiot?”

“No, not even a little bit. Stay,” Michael murmured. But within the bliss he felt that Alex actually wanted him, he felt the pangs of guilt stronger than before. “Alex, don’t be mad…”

Alex took a deep inhale. Nothing good starts that way. “I’ll try.”

“I’m only telling you this because I like you… alot.” Alex furrowed his brows and stepped away as Michael skirted the truth. “If you can’t already tell, I really do want you in my future.” 

“That’s nice,” Alex whispered, starting to believe it.

Michael nervously rubbed his palm against Alex’s arm.  “I’ve been there…”

Any hint of a smile that Alex was hiding faded fast. “What?”

“Alex… You have to understand I still don’t know exactly how it worked. But I was able to go forward over a decade…” Michael watched Alex stare back at him, unable to tell what he might be thinking, “Twice.”

Alex moved then, shaking his head and slipping further away from Michael. “How?”

“I don’t know.” Michael had figured out it had to be linked to emotion rather than memory. There was no doubt that time itself had to be a consequence of their choices, and the future was not going to be as set or as inescapable as either of them hoped. 

But if he told Alex all this, he didn’t know whether he’d leave anyways. Alex was so desperate for freedom from this life under his father’s thumb, maybe Michael wouldn’t have even been another choice for him.

Alex shook his head, “You expect me to believe you’ve been there twice and don’t have an inkling on how?”

“What does it matter?” Michael raised his voice, Alex felt so faraway, “You said you wanted to stay.”

Alex swore under his breath as he finally turned to leave. Everything was falling apart.

Michael felt the pendant, tucked away in his pocket from the last time he’d had it. He knew he shouldn’t but moments ago Alex was kissing him, wanting to stay.  

Alex was wordless as he pulled away from their kiss, the moment felt odd and disjointed. Alex studied his expression, “Tell me you didn’t just reverse time.”

“Alex.” Alex flinched away from the touch. 

“What did you do?”

Michael can’t think straight. His mind was screaming at him to lie, to tell Alex he hadn’t changed a thing, but Alex was seeing right through him, and the silence only fueled the anger and betrayal that was replacing their one moment of intimacy.

“It’s not important,” Michael muttered. “Trust me…”

“Trust you? How, Guerin? You’re lying to me.” Alex rationalized his anger. “I haven’t asked you for anything… I didn’t even want the device back...”

“Well it wasn’t even yours first,” Michael spat back. “You wanted me to just figure out the fucking thing so you can go live your own miserable life.”

With that, Alex walked behind the pieces of cardboard UFO and switched on the main lights. The dim space illuminated, and as Michael adjusted to the light, Alex was already handing him his backpack.

“Guerin, can you leave now?” 

“Alex…” Michael swallowed. “I’m sorry…”

“I’ve got a lot of work to do.” Alex shook his head, not ready for an apology or at all ready to face that there could be some truth to Michael’s words. Maybe he was always going to be miserable, no matter the time or the foresight, that’s all the universe had in store for him. Alex could no longer control the downward spiral of his thoughts. “I can’t do this.”

–

Michael wasn’t a stranger to self loathing. Why would anyone have chosen him? He was a worthless, troubled child since he had been at the first foster home with Max and Isobel. Over time, he’d only become more broken and angry, and kept making one shit decision after another. Even with a chance to fix things, all he did was make it worse. 

Unable to pick up his guitar, he thought fixing an inanimate piece of metal would help calm his mind, but Michael couldn’t concentrate on work. All he could see was Alex's face, glassy eyed and voice shaking as he had asked Michael to leave.

Alex hated him. Almost as much as he hated himself.

He threw his wrench, hitting the side mirror of the old van he was working on, bending it out of shape. The tool bounced off somewhere into the mess of parts. Michael made no effort to retrieve it. Instead, He threw the remaining tools off the bench as he swiped across to grab the freaking glass shard. He started punching the corrugated tin sheets that lined the walls of his workspace, separating it from the rest of the junkyard. The pain reverberated through his fingers, the glass digging into his palm, dulling the pain and self loathing. He kept punching. 

Then it returned to its original shape, shifting with time, cuts healing, and he did it all over again, until his hands were bloody, his knuckles swollen and bruised.

“Michael!” Michael heard the old man approach. As he was pulled away from the corrugated metal he fell to the ground, heaving. “What the hell are you doing?”

Michael tripped over himself as he tried to get up. Sanders helped him to his feet and walked him over to the lawnchair. Michael was seated firmly down and then Sanders told him to stay whilst he ran into the airstream.

Sanders returned after grabbing a tea towel wrapped around a frozen meal from the trailers’ fridge.

“What the hell are you thinking?” 

Michael took it apathetically. That was exactly it: he was trying not to think.  “Don’t worry about it, old man.” He avoided eye contact. “I’ll be fine.” 

Sanders sat quietly, giving time for Michael to tire of the silence. It worked, as Michael finally exhaled. “I’m just so tired of screwing things up…”

“And what have you screwed up?”

“Forget it,” Michael sighed. He couldn’t exactly explain any of this to Sanders.

“Is it about the Manes boy?”

Michael glared up at the mechanic confirming his suspicion.

“Come on, kid, you keep running off with the kid with your guitars and your teenage pining, you think I haven’t noticed?”

“Well it doesn’t matter now, he hates me.” 

Michael had tried to talk to Alex, but the avoided glances at school and the disappearing act Alex kept doing was enough to tell him to get lost. Michael no longer cared about achieving the future he had seen. Now all he wished for was that Alex at least speak to him again. 

No one knew what had transpired between the two, but Isobel was emotionally attuned enough to know something had gone wrong.

“Give him some time,” Isobel had said, not knowing how ironic that was.

Sanders sighed, shaking his head. “You know I was considered too much of a screw up to adopt you.”

Michael blinked and finally looked up. He never knew that Sanders had wanted that. Sanders half smiled as he continued. “But it wasn’t about what people thought of me. It mattered that you had a roof over your head and somewhere to feel safe. Even if I couldn’t legally be enough for you, the least I could do was provide that.” 

Michael tried to smile at the half blind elderly man. He was closer to a parent than any of the couples that the state had assigned him to. Michael had never shown how grateful he was to him.

“Thanks.”

“I’m not telling you this so you can thank me,” Sanders chuckled. “I told you this so you can learn something from me. Stop worrying about whether Manes hates you and get off your ass and do what’s right.”

“How?” Michael sniffled, as lost as he had ever been. He hadn’t done the right thing, that much was clear, but what the hell it could be in this situation felt like a complete mystery to Michael.

“I may be old, but I’m not a fountain of wisdom,” Sanders laughed, patting Michael’s back. “I do know you can figure it out. Maybe start by apologising.”

Apologising wasn’t going to be enough. Deep down, he knew that giving the device back to Alex would probably be the best he could do, but he didn’t want to. It was selfish, he knew, but every cell in his body was drawn to him, to be close to him, and to have any sort of future with the Alex he now knew. He loved Alex, and he had been starting to realize Alex might have felt some of it in return. 

All Alex had wanted was to be able to make that choice for himself.

Sanders rose to his feet. “Come on, let's get your hand looked at.”

As he left to get the truck, Michael stared at his knuckles, turning his hand over on the ice pack. The glass still clutched in his palm reflecting his miserable face, as one small line was faintly etched into the surface.

If he could go back to before they meant anything to each other, would it be so much easier to actually let him go? Maybe Alex could return to his time or some hopefully better version of it, without hating Michael for holding him back. They could both  avoid the eventual hurt that would come after.

But life didn’t work like that.

Michael had done it, he was sitting on the back of his truck still holding the pendant, his hand healed and Sanders gone. The hurt dimmed for a moment, but the memory remained and sadness started to refill the space in his chest. 

Max kicked him gently from behind. “You okay?”

Michael blinked, orienting himself as the movie went on playing above their heads. 

Glancing around the dimly lit field of cars, Michael finds space where Alex was sitting months ago now, empty. Shit . He looked towards food trucks and Alex wasn’t there either. 

Michael jumped off the truck. He ignored Max’s worried questions and he finally saw Alex weaving through the last lane of cars, towards the highway. His heart beat heavily against his chest as he remembered exactly what happened next.

Michael ran.

The sound of screeching tires bellowed and blinding headlights and loud thud.

Michael was too late. 

All the yells and headlights blurred as Michael ran to Alex’s side.

No… no… his knees scraped against the graveled road as he fell next to Alex. Alex was clutching his arm, his clavicle misshapen, but the blood was coming from his left knee. Michael could see how much pain he was in.

“Alex… ” 

Wide eyed and dazed, Alex briefly looked at him and murmured his name before a pained groan.

More people started to surround them and Alex was groaning in between staggered breaths that frightened Michael furthur. Alex wasn’t breathing symmetrically and his groans started to become gasps.

Holding the dimmed lavender shard still in his hands, Michael begged, “Please go back… Please.” It remained dark.

He could faintly hear Max calling for help, Isobel crying, whilst Kyle had kneeled to help on Alex’s opposite side. He was telling Alex it would be okay and at the same time yelling instructions, telling Michael not to move Alex. 

“Alex… I'm so sorry,”  Michael whimpered back. His palm opened on Alex’s chest, the device glowed faintly and he realized: “Please… I know it's your last shot…”

Alex stared up at him and shuddered.  

Michael was begging now: “Alex please leap back…”

And then Michael’s vision went black.

–

Alex leapt off the road, the last few moments a confusing mess of pain and fear. He couldn’t remember anymore if he had been this afraid of death when he lost his leg. Within all the chaos of the last few minutes, all he knew was that Michael had his device.

He turned to see Michael sitting dazed on the back of his truck. He could put enough together that Michael had the time device, but the rest made very little sense to him. He paced over. As he approached, he watched as panic spread on the cowboy’s face, and he started to look around frantically.

Alex used his forearm to push him against the side of his truck as soon as Michael’s feet had hit the dirt. “What the hell just happened?”

Michael’s lips crooked up as he stared and gently pushed away Alex’s forearms, easily breaking the half hearted hold and dragged the confused brunette into his arms.

“Michael?!” Alex stuttered. Max was staring at them, probably also the car next to them. But Michael held on. “Michael…” Alex repeated softly.

“I’ll tell you everything…” He whispered into the crook of Alex’s neck. “But please let me just hold you a little longer.”

He felt Alex’s hands snake in between his shoulder blades as he hugged him in return, muscles finally relaxing as their hearts continued to pound against each other’s chests.

Chapter Text

Michael remembered the days following the final leap for the both of them.

Immediately after the drive in, Alex still had to get home, this time he actually accepted Michael’s offer for a ride. Michael quickly left Max to ride home with Kyle and Isobel who were apparently engrossed in a makeout which neither Evans appreciated. Afterwards, Michael had gotten endless questions from Isobel and Max and imagined Alex was getting a similar interrogation from Kyle.

The first conversation was the hardest and had only come after ten minutes of driving in silence. The conversations continued over the next few days at Foster’s ranch and the Crashdown as they hashed and rehashed details and finally caught up with everything that had happened.

When all was said and out in the open, Alex asked for some time.

Michael had chuckled miserably, “It’s the least I owe you.”

Alex paused and furrowed his brows, “it’s only a little about the time I lost… I want to trust you but I actually do need time.”

Michael nodded.

“Also you don’t owe me anything. If you did, then I would owe you a dozen years in return.” Alex had turned back before leaving. “I can’t exactly give that to you.”

“Let’s not keep score.”

Fifteen years later

Despite Max’s doubt, the powder blue truck had survived over a decade. Michael did still have to occasionally tinker with the engine or replace parts every few years, ut he let Max believe it was only a new paint job.

Currently, the truck needed the aircon fixed, so Michael sat in his sweltering car doing just that. He jumped out to retrieve a socket wrench. As he opened the junk drawer, his gaze caught the dulled shard of a once vital device now forgotten, lying amongst the random mess of screws, drivers and the one off chopstick packet. His lips crooked up as he pulled it out. He hadn’t thought about that in years and had thought he might have accidentally tossed it.

There were so many memories ingrained in that time both good and bad. With everything that had come afterwards, all the chaos and novelty of graduating, moving on and figuring their own shit out as adults, Michael hadn’t thought about shifting time in years.

—

Alex was lost in his code when he felt the scruff of Michael’s chin lean on his shoulder, and his arms envelope him from behind. The familiar scent of rain and sweat.

He spun on the kitchen stool and his husband leaned back making space for Alex to stare. Alex’s breath caught and he smirked as he took in Michael in all his sweaty, shirtless glory.

He pulled Michael’s belt loops, pulling himself to stand as they met in a kiss.

“Were you ever mad at me?” Michael whispered against his lips.

Alex leaned away, staring back curiously. “For?”

“You wasted your last chance to get back to your own future because I was an idiot,” Michael says as he drops the pendant into Alex’s hand.

Alex laughed then. “There have been a lot more idiotic moments than that, between us.”

Would he have traded arguing with Michael about how time travel must have worked, and the wasted potential of the technology? Actually growing up with Michael, and building their own lives, with their own choices and unknown outcomes? Their home - for the future he once had?

Definitely not now.

“It took a little while longer to get here,” Alex smiles satisfied. “But I think I prefer this one more.”