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My only one; my smoking gun
Harvey had always seen a part of himself in Mike, he supposed that was why they got along so well. They shared so many morals and views and yet Mike rivalled Harvey’s worldview. Maybe that was why Harvey loved him so much, or maybe it was the Mike looked at him.
He looked at like like he had hung the stars in the skies. For so long, Harvey had felt like his deserved his solitude in life, but by God did Mike Ross change that. He had started to begin to think that he could be happy; that they could be happy. But then Mike had to go and be a martyr.
My eclipsed sun, this has broken me down
Anita Gibbs had it out for Harvey from the get go. She wanted to crumble down the towers he had built for himself, his life, his kingdom. Every impenetrable wall he spent years masterfully constructed because of his and Mike’s dirty little secret. He almost had everything he wanted in life; he was one of the best lawyers in New York, he had Mike, Jessica, and Donna.
The sun was setting on his perfect life because of Anita Gibbs. He couldn’t beat her. He had to play her game and he was losing.
My twisted knife; my sleepless night
The first night without Mike wasn’t the hardest, nor was it the second, third, or even fourth. The worst night was around the two week mark when the bedsheets had been changed and the bedroom tidied. When Harvey couldn’t smell the faintness of Mike’s aftershave, or when Harvey couldn’t see the pile of clothes that used to drive him absolutely insane. The hardest part was when he could feel what traces of Mike had had left slip through his fingers like sand in a timer.
He thought he had no right to complain. Mike was the one in prison, Mike took the fall, Mike lost his life. And yet, Harvey was the one with the sleepless nights and the biggest regrets.
You know I left a part of me back in New York
Even though he didn’t leave the city, it certainly didn’t feel like home anymore. Harvey wasn’t sure when home had shifted from the imposing skyscrapers and the brooding populous to the smartass associate of his, from the sleepless mornings to the sleepless nights, to the warmth of dah to the cool evenings.
New York didn’t feel like New York at all. It was a place barren of all things good and Harvey, for the first time in his life, was desperate to leave. If it wasn’t for Mike he would be a bat out of Hell. Correction: if it wasn’t for Mike, he wouldn’t feel like this in the slightest, and yet he doesn’t regret loving him in the slightest.
You knew it still hurts underneath my scars from when they pulled me apart
Even after Mike came home, and his scent returned to the apartment - as well as the mess pile of clothes - Harvey still felt the big gaping hole in his chest. For a time he thought that it was a manifestation of his internal grief and that it would never go away, but he now realised it was the physicality of being in love. The hurt came along with the pleasure.
The pain would remain with him for as long as he would remember. He could be old and senile but still remember the pain. The pain would be endless but worth it if it meant that he could love Mike Ross forevermore. It was a small price to pay for their freedom; for his freedom.
Don't want no other shade of blue but you
No other sadness in the world would do
Maybe that was it. The lesson he had to learn. Harvey was a stubborn woman, he would be the first of many to admit that in a court of law but even he could change. And if Harvey Specter, ‘the greatest closer in New York City,’ could change then maybe, just maybe there would be for the legal system. And if the legal system could change, then it could be changed by them.
Mike being able to practice was the first step of many but it was the right step to take. Harvey was just thankful that he could take that step alongside him.