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Shamura was a busy god.
Head of the Old Faith and the eldest, they certainly have their work cut out for them. Even something as ethereal as them gets overwhelmed, emotionally, and drained, though they much rather have these sides of themselves locked away from mortal view. It was the separation between gods and mortals, to feel none while those beneath feel all. It was the way it had always been, and it was the way Shamura held their standard too.
Though, the last billions of years have certainly changed them.
Shamura looked up from their scroll, catching the sound of shrieks, squeals, and laughter. They reclined against the wall, watching with a smile as their siblings chased each other around. Well, Narinder and Leshy were chasing, Kallamar had snuck up on Heket and had claimed victory by sitting on her back. The eldest sister resigned to her fate, letting the workload she had reading through fall to the ground, unfinished. Shamura could only chuckle, a swell of pride rushing through their veins.
So childish, they thought. Such language would be an insult usually, but Shamura could only feel the unfiltered fondness that kept their teeth-covered heart pitter-pattering like the thumps of worker ants. Constant, always moving. It was unreal how much they felt in one moment.
“Shamura!” The spider god perked as Narinder skipped towards them. A sudden pain seared through their head, but they only winced. Their smile tightened, nodding at their younger brother.
“What is it?”
“We are going to go up the creek and find a nice fishing spot.” Narinder pointed behind him, and Shamura followed the trail. He smiled, giggling, “We’re gonna chase all the tiny fishes around.”
Shamura rolled their eyes, flashing a knowing grin. Narinder was the most childish of them all, excluding Leshy, the current toddler. He always had games he wanted to drag his elder siblings into and enjoyed the trouble he would get into.
“Sounds nice, Narinder.”
“Why don’t you come with us? It’ll be fun!” His red eyes were gleaming, excited.
It wasn’t like Shamura wanted to miss out on their activities, just that they were extremely busy. The scrolls that laid in front of them were important documents they had to sign and reciting incantations kept away the dangers that outside forces posed on the land. It was all very, very important. So, with a sigh, “Not now, Narinder. I have a lot of work.”
They hated how Narinder visibly deflated at their rejection. He nodded in understanding, but the disappointment threatened to tear apart Shamura’s heart.
“I might have some time later if I can finish all these papers first,” they scooped up the scrolls at their side and into their lap as if that would get them done faster. “Why don’t you and the others go have your fun? I’ll come later, okay?”
“Promise?” Narinder’s ear perked up in hope.
Shamura brushed their hand near Narinder’s to reassure him but another searing headache threatened to burst their brains. They cried out, and the memory shattered to pieces. Ichor dripped on the stone floorboards, staining it an inky black. The spider heaved, their chest hurting. Their bandages were becoming undone again. Shamura reached for the back of their head but could not reach far enough. Their hands were too shaky, too nervous, too afraid.
The dizziness and nausea dissipated, and in their blurry sight, Shamura could see the broken shards of the memory crystal laid to waste on the floor. Its blue crystalline surface is stained with blood. Their blood.
Shit, was all they could think. They could already feel that memory slip away, lost within a sea of blood, ink, and grief. They’re losing it. They’re losing grip of reality. The time grew nearer and nearer with every hour that passed.
Stars, why did it hurt this much? Why did their heart hurt so much? Why are they forgetting yet can’t bear the thought of forgetting? A trail of blue crystal shards told of the story of memories, one by one forgotten. Lost to a time that was coming to an end.
They were forgetting…
Forgetting…
Forgetting who?
Who were they forgetting?
Shamura sobbed. They couldn’t remember anymore. Their mind was slipping away, and there wasn’t anything they could do to stop it. Tears mixed with their blood and Ichor, and the spider wrapped themselves with their arms.
They never felt so alone before.
When they opened their eyes again, their blurry vision focused on their lap. Three black crowns settled by their thigh, each with a glowing eye in its center.
Green, yellow, blue…
Was one missing?
“Siblings,” they muttered to themselves. “You had siblings.” They sniffed, wiping the water from their cheeks, hiccuping. “These are your siblings.” They scooped the crowns from their lap and cradled them close to their chest. It was a…familiar gesture, though they did not know why.
“You had four siblings,” they told themselves. “You love them very very much. You’ll always love them,” they hiccuped once more, voice shaky. “No matter what happens you’ll always love them.”
For they could not remember faces no more, they’ll remember their feelings. Remember their care, their heart, and their unconditional love. Their panic finally released its grip on their mind, and Shamura could finally breathe again.
“Knock, knock, the Lamb come to raze, end of days, end of days…”
Shamura shuttered, still gripping the crowns tightly. It mattered not that they stabbed into their chest and it mattered not that soon their fate would catch up to them.
“Five becomes four becomes three becomes two becomes one becomes nothing.”
They smiled. Their death was only a mere hours away.
“I’ll be joining you soon.”
To love like a mortal; perhaps that was their downfall, but never their mistake.