Chapter Text
Lance didn't mind being on his own.
Ok, maybe that was a lie, but he was more accepting of it now that he really didn't have the choice.
Well that may be a lie as well, but Lance was going to pretend till it wasn't anymore.
He sighed, rubbing his face into the pillow. One of the better ones he had found, obviously.
Red purred in the back of his mind and her abnormal heat allowed Lance to only have a blanket or two compared to the 6 or 7 he had back in his room.
What can he say? He performed the warmth. It was what he knew. What he grew up with.
He couldn't help the sign that passed his lips once more.
Lance had been trying to get a good night's sleep ever since he had come off that stupid mind altering spell that Druid had hit him with.
Luckily his previous training had kicked in and kept everyone alive while he wasn't fully in control of his moods and how he handled situations. Nonetheless he could only imagine what would have happened to his teammates had that small bit of self control not been slammed into him since he was 3 years old.
He shivered at the thought. Though they were nothing more than his mind messing with him, he would dream of their blood on his hands. Of the bodies that would be laid out along the Castle’s hallways.
He gave a small whimper trying to push the images back. He hated that side of himself, the trained soldier who was used to combat in his native tongue only to be sent to a different, more structured military base.
One that did not use Guerrilla Warfare like he was used to. One that only spoke English. One where he was seen as the weak link.
And now he was in space fighting a war and still seen as the weak link.
Rubbing his eyes he blinked and looked to the Reds council.
He wouldn't say he loved being back in the fray of things. But it was comforting knowing he still had it. It was hard to remember that he knew what he was doing in war, when everyone thought he was nothing more than a goofball who flirted with anything that moved.
Sorry he had built up defensive mechanisms to deal with the horrors of war.
Red snorted in the back of his mind and he huffed at her.
“Well at least I'm trying.” He muttered, now sitting up. Sleep was once again not going to drag him under.
He didn't know how much longer he could go like this, but his record was 3 days in a snipers pit.
At least he got to move around and use the bathroom this time.
Red suddenly moved, making him jolt and look out the front panels to see Keith walking towards the Red lion.
Great.
“Don't let him in here!” Lance hissed but it was too late as Keith entered the Red lion.
Lance groaned and wrapped himself in his blanket, putting his back to the door.
That had taken a long time for him to allow, but he knew it was just Keith and Lance, despite what it may look like on the outside, trusted Keith with his life no matter what was going on.
“Lance.” Keith grumbled as he entered the cockpit. “How many times do I have to tell you to sleep in your own room?”
“I don't know…..how many times have you told me already?” Lance huffed out burying his face into the pillow again.
“I lost count 2 days ago.” He could hear Keith shaking his head. That mullet gave small hissing noises as it brushed up against Keith’s jacket.
“Then why ask for a number?” Lance replied blankly.
Keith sat down on the mattress, which was nothing more than maybe an inch and a half of horrible space memory foam. Lance was working on that.
“You can't keep sleeping in Red.” Keith said softly.
“Sure I can. It's warm. She's safe. I'm safe.” Lance replied easily.
“Lance….” Keith spoke with that worried tone that he sometimes used. It wasn't necessarily disappointment, but it was as close to it as Lance thought Keith could get. “At least talk to me.”
Lance turned to face that Black Paladin. “Are you asking me to talk to you?”
Keith hesitated then nodded. “If you need to.”
Lance eyed him suspiciously before flopping back into his pillow.
“Don't worry about it.” Lance replied.
“You're not sleeping Lance. I need to know you are ok.” Keith replied.
“I'm fine.” Lance muttered out.
Keith sighed and shook his head again. Lance could listen to that soft whooshing noise all day long. He knew he couldn't. How close had he been to tearing Keith apart just a few days ago? Did Lance even deserve to have good things?
No. And he knew that.
“Lance please.” Keith tried again.
“You're not going to drop this are you?” Lance hissed, turning around again. Keith shook his head.
“I'm going to keep asking till you tell me.” Keith replied stubbornly.
Lance was about to kick him out, like he had so many times previously, but Red gave him a gentle and reassuring nudge.
So he sighed and sat up, wrapping his arms around his knees.
“I keep having nightmares. What would have happened if I hadn't been so well trained in self discipline.” Lance muttered not looking at Keith. “What would have happened to all of you.”
Keith hummed next to him. “I think I could have taken you.”
Lance snorted. “I can outlast you in a fight any day.”
“Well as much fun as that would be to test,” Keith replied, side -eyeing him. “You need a proper night's sleep.”
Lance snuggled deeper into the blanket. “Pretty sure I can get a good sleep here.”
“Lance, your routine is no longer hiding the bags under your eyes.” Keith replied, shaking his head.
Lance didn't reply to that. He knew Keith was right and unfortunately he had yet to find his proper shades in space, which he was determined to do. Despite his skin routine, even Lance had the rare skin blemish pop up.
“Why are you so against sleeping in your own room?” Keith asked, glancing over to Lance.
Lance hesitated but rolled over so he was at least facing Keith, even if he wasn't looking at him. He didn't know what was making him tell Keith, but he trusted Keith enough to inform him of all the nightmares.
“I am having nightmares.” Lance whispered, still not looking at his fellow paladin. “About what happened. I keep dreaming about killing you guys, and it scares me.”
“But you didnt. You saved us.” Keith replied.
“I know. But I could have. And that scares me more than anything. What if the Druids hit me again with that stuff? I don't think I could go through that again.”
Keith sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “I'm sorry. I'm not good with comforting.”
Lance snorted and rolled his eyes. “Everyone knows that.”
But Lance decided to give Keith the benefit of the doubt and sat up. He crossed his legs as he moved to sit next to Keith and proceeded to wrap the blanket around both of their shoulders earning him a look of confusion.
Lance ignored the look.
“I know you're trying. But I don't think a few words of encouragement are going to help this one.” Lance replied softly. “I really could have killed you. And that scares me.”
“But you wouldn’t.” Keith reapplied with a raised eyebrow.
Lance gave him an ``are you dumb look, “But I could have. And still can. I don't want to feel that way again.”
Keith looked down at his hands before allowing one to curl into the blanket and play with it. One of Keith’s many nervous habits. Lance had given him a way to not become a live wire. Whether Keith realized it or not.
“Well I can't help with that obviously. But I will always have your back.”
Lance gave him a soft smile, which Keith returned. “I know. I just need some time on this one.”
He was about to go back into his cot and try to get an hour or two of sleep. But Keith grabbed his jacket collar and pulled him back.
“That starts with sleeping in your own room.”