Chapter Text
When they got her back it was dusk. Kit’s arm was draped over her shoulder and Jade’s was wrapped around her waist, supporting her, as they ran through the forest. Jade didn’t know how hurt she was or what had happened to her in the mines but she was barely conscious enough to stay on her feet. They barely escaped with their lives and were all a little worse for wear because of it so as soon as Willow decided they were a safe distance away and hadn’t been tracked or followed they set up camp.
When they stumbled to a stop Kit sagged deeper into her arms and Jade relished it. Having her princess safe in her arms was something she had taken for granted for so many years, but she never would again. “We’re stopping?” she grumbled, her first words since they had been reunited and they washed over Jade like a wave. Hearing her voice was just more proof that she was alive and with her, even if her voice was lower and scratchier than normal.
“Yes, Yes we’re stopping,” she replied after a moment. They had reached a small clearing in a grove of trees that were taller and larger than any Jade had ever seen before. In any other circumstances she knew Kit would have been in awe of this place, the princess had dreamed her entire life of seeing the world, adventuring and getting into trouble that she knew Jade would be there to get her out of. Jade knew all of this, she had known for years that she would spend her life following Kit and standing by her side, seeing her through life as a friend if nothing more, but somehow a situation like this had seemed impossible.
Kit was fiery and bright and rash. She was full of life in a way that Jade could never allow herself to be, she was so many things, but what she wasn’t was the silent weak girl in her arms right now.
The others started to move around them, setting up camp in the familiar way that came with traveling together for so long. Jade’s job most nights was to set up a perimeter and gather firewood. “Princess,” she started,” Kit, I’m going to set you down now so I can help the others. Is that ok? Will you be ok?”
She slowly started to lower them to the ground, not wanting to jarr her,” yeah I’ll be fine,” she mumbled before promptly passing out in Jade’s arms. Kit wasn’t heavy, in fact Jade could easily lift her, but that didn’t stop the surprised sound from escaping the back of her throat as she suddenly had the full weight of Kit in her arms. What was originally a slow descent became quick and Jade found herself sitting on the hard forest floor.
“Just stay with her Jade,” Grayson said, glancing at them,” we can handle this.”
Night fell quickly around them and Kit didn’t stir. Even as exhausted as she was, Jade didn’t sleep, not like the others did, restlessly on their bed rolls, she stayed upright close enough to her princess that she could feel the warmth radiating off her skin. She didn’t allow herself to touch her body, even though she longed to hold her, to wrap Kit up in her arms and never let her go, but she couldn’t, not right now and at this point maybe not ever.
She had a purpose here and it was to keep the Princess safe, to protect her when she couldn’t protect herself. She could love her from a distance and still do her job. No distraction could be allowed, she’d been distracted the night Kit was taken and she had nearly lost her, and that couldn’t happen again. Never again would she let Kit be so close to lost even if it meant she could never be truly hers.
And so she sat up late into the night, scanning the surroundings and watching the steady rise and fall of her chest. As the moon traveled further along its arch across the sky, Jade felt herself growing weak. Being near her wasn’t enough, she needed to feel her, to hold her even if it’s just for tonight.
Her hand moved of its own accord as she wrapped her thumb and forefinger around her wrist, nothing more nothing less, just the heat of her skin as reassurance. It calmed her while simultaneously causing her heart to beat faster and harder. This could be enough, this would be enough.
Kit shifted in her sleep and Jade froze, it’s not like she was moving a lot to begin with but her fingers tensed up and her wrist flexed. A part of her desperately wanted her to wake up so she could see the soft color of her eyes, but the rest of her knows that Kit will want to pick up where they left before the trolls came and Jade knows she can’t do that. But she also fears that as soon as Kit looks at her, with a smirk or a sleepy grin, or worse as soon as she asks she will fold. Because no matter what she can never deny her friend when she asks.
She gulped and raised her eyes to the sky trying to steady herself by taking in the stars. She needed to get a grip. “You should be sleeping,” her voice broke through the quiet and Jade jerked to look at her.
“Kit,” she gasped,” I am sorry I didn’t mean to wake you,” she shuffled back slightly and released the princess’ wrist from her grasp suddenly overwhelmed by the slightest contact.
“Where are you going?” She grumbled and with little fanfare placed her head directly into Jade’s lap. Her heart stuttered in her chest as Kit gazed up at her, her tired eyes bright in the moonlight.
Kit grabbed the hand that was previously holding her wrist and laced their fingers together. Jade felt her resolve start to slip, just as she knew it would. She imagined it would be gradual, like falling in love with her had been, but this wasn’t the same feeling. It was the sudden and nearly irresistible urge to run her fingers through her hair, to taste her lips, to feel the flutter of her eyes lashes against her skin, and to follow her to the world's edge if need be. She always thought herself a restrained person. She had years of training, she could take a beating and keep fighting, and hell she grew up alongside Kit, who she had loved for years but she always knew her place. Until now.
“What are you thinking about?” Kit asked.
“Nothing,” she started,”you,” she finished, averting her gaze.
Kit hummed and squeezed her hand once,” I would say lucky me, but I know that look in your eye,” she was smiling, but it was a sad smile, almost resigned. No resigned wasn’t the right word, she looked content but knowing, like she was fully aware of Jade’s internal struggles while she was sleeping.
“What look?” Jade countered,” I don’t have a look.”
Kit chuckled lowly to herself, “ Jade we have known each other since we were 8 years old. You are my best friend. You are- my love,” Jade sucked in a harsh shaking breath and desperately tried to press down the butterflies that erupted in her stomach. “ I know the look in your eye that you get when you want something that you won’t let yourself have.”
The world was spinning around her quicker than she knew how to process. She knew Kit had feelings for her but hearing them spoken so bluntly was overwhelming. And hearing the princess’ observations of her, ones that had clearly been years in the making, made her feel far too seen. Her skin was uncomfortably tight and hot. “Princess,” she said, her voice low and rough,” you were in danger, when we almost - that night when you were taken, and I was distracted. I was distracted and you were nearly killed. I won’t let that happen again, princess, I can’t.” Somehow while talking Jade’s hand had made its way into Kit’s hair. Threading lightly through the knots created by their many days of travel and adventure. She leaned into the feeling letting her eyes fall closed.
They stayed like that for a moment, a quiet peaceful moment, before Kit opened her eyes. They locked onto her and bore into her. “Alright you’ve said your piece now it’s my turn.” Kit was surprisingly calm during Jade’s whole speech, she had imagined much more protestation and sadness. “ You can hold yourself back all you want but that won’t change how you feel and it won’t change how I feel. I could kiss you right now and it would be like nothing has changed since that afternoon with the bone reavers, you and I both know it,” Jade leaned forward involuntarily, she didn’t even realize she was doing it. Kit was like a magnet pulling her in. She was mesmerized by her, her dreamy words that spoke of everything that Jade wanted, her soft lips that she was desperate to kiss, her eyes that Jade could get lost in forever. “ but I won’t.”
Those words jerked Jade back to reality. “Kit,” she said, somewhere between a whine and a beg.
“What?” She laughed,” You want me to don’t you?” Jade couldn’t answer, she couldn’t even breathe. Kit Tanthalos was laying in her lap gazing at her with her chin tilted up, she had never looked more kissable.
“Well too bad,” she said,” I kissed you last time, remember,”
“How could I forget,” Jade said, barely loud enough for Kit to hear. And Kit beamed at her.
“I kissed you first, so next time you're going to be the one to kiss me,” she said it so matter of factly, like Jade kissing her was inevitable, as if she hadn’t spent the last five minutes explaining why she couldn’t kiss her.
“Princess I just tried to tell you…” she started, but was quickly cut off.
“Oh I heard you loud and clear, and that’s why I won’t push you. Well I will, just this once, I will ask you once and then I’ll step back and let you lead the way.”
Jade furrowed her brow,” Ask me what?” She said as she scraped her nails against Kit’s scalp.
The smile faded from her princesses face,” Kiss me Jade, please, kiss me,” if she thought that Kit was begging to be kissed earlier then she wasn’t at all capable of handling her actually begging, begging for her. Her hands tightened in her hair to the point that if she had the mind to Jade would have worried it would be painful.
For all of her training and devotion to keeping Kit safe her resolve was melting away like the last snow of the season, exactly as she feared it would. Because despite herself she could never deny her anything. She knew that not kissing her wasn’t an option not with the fire burning deep in her gut and the clouds fogging her mind, but she could divert her desires still.
She pressed her lips to Kit’s forehead, channeling all her emotions and feelings into that simple moment. A small touch, really, but Jade could have lived in it forever. Kit’s hand came up to her, lightly touching her chin then trailing to her cheek. It only then occurred to her that Kit was as desperate to touch her as she was. Because she could feel it, the desperation in her touch, the longing.
When she finally removed her lips she pressed her nose against the top of her head, breathing her in. Kit’s hand trailed off of her cheek and till she was holding the back of her neck, her fingers digging into the hairs on the back of her neck. “No,” she breathed, finally answering the question she asked what felt like a lifetime ago.
Kit huffed out a laugh,” Yeah I figured, but that’s ok, I can wait,” she was smiling at her again, while it was still soft she had her classic mischievous glint in her eye.
“Wait for what?” Jade asked, still not thinking entirely clearly.
“For you, of course. I can wait for you to be ready.”
It was Jade’s turn to laugh. “I can’t imagine you waiting for anything. You’ve never been renowned for your patience princess.”
“Yeah maybe not, but I do like a challenge. So let's see what breaks first, your resolve or my patience.” Jade gulped when she noticed just how close Kit had gotten to her while speaking. The feel of her breath on her skin caused goosebumps to erupt across her skin. “Come on Jade, you need to get some sleep. You’ll be cranky tomorrow if you don’t,”
“No, you sleep, you need to rest to regain your strength, and I will stay awake to make sure…” she trailed off, realizing that sitting up all night to watch Kit sleep so that she knew she was ok could be construed as creepy.
“What you’re just not going to sleep at all? How long is that going to last?” Ok she had a point, but she didn’t really care.
No,” she started before realizing how loud she had spoken. To her the world belonged solely to her and Kit right now but they are still surrounded by their sleeping friends. She definately didn’t need them to wake up and listen in to this conversation. This very private conversation. This in mind she lowered her voice,” no I just I need to know that you are here.”
Kit sat up out of her lap abruptly and Jade mourned her loss. “Oh well we can easily fix that.” She said as she grabbed her hand again and pulled her closer. “All you have to do is sleep here with me.” She said motioning to her bed roll and Jade blanched. They’d had sleepovers before, kit often could be found sneaking into her room in the middle of the night, but this was different.
Kit however didn’t seem to share any of her qualms. She nestled back down onto her bed roll pulling Jade along with her and then without missing a beat wrapped Jade’s arm around her middle. Her arm hovered over her, fingers arched wide since she wasn’t sure where to place her hand. Kit, once again took it upon herself to fix this, she took Jade’s wrist and lightly pressed her hand into her stomach,” here’s fine,” she mumbled, and shuffled closer to her so that her back was pressed against Jade’s front.
Sleep was coming to claim Kit fast, but her heart was still beating out of her chest. She laid still until Kit’s breathing evened out and ever so slowly she lowered her head until her forehead rested against her head. She breathed her in and let herself sink into the feeling of holding Kit in her arms. It was surprisingly calming. Her eyes slipped closed and when she absolutely couldn’t stop it any more, she smiled.