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This was always the worst part. When everything came to an end, and while they were happy they were still together, the looming end of a great few weeks drew nearer and nearer by the second.
It invaded the air around them, putting a damper on their moods as they tried to remain upbeat so they could enjoy their time together for just a little bit longer.
Looking at his phone, Michael sighed dramatically, leaning over to rest his head against Yoichi’s. His flight was exactly twelve hours away now, and it would whisk him back over the seas to Japan, every mile increasing their distance and every moment tugging at their hearts.
“You’ve already checked in to your flight, right?” Michael asked, squeezing Yoichi tightly with the arm that had been wrapped around him for the last couple hours.
Yoichi nodded, leaning in to Michael’s hug and resting his head on his shoulder. Michael smiled softly, looking down at his adorable little boyfriend, who looked tinier and tinier the more his mood sank. Yoichi pulled his feet beneath him, tucking his legs up so that he could get each part of his body as close to Michael as he could. Wrapping his arms around his torso, Yoichi returned Michael’s hug, letting his arms hang loosely around him as they sat together on Michael’s couch, watching a movie to keep themselves awake and pass the time, as they had both already silently agreed to not sleep that night. Michael was sure that they could come up with some other ways to pass the time as well, but, for now, he was content to hold Yoichi close, the sounds of some action movie that neither of them were paying attention filling the silence.
“Dinner was nice. Did you enjoy yourself?” Michael asked, trying to make sure Yoichi had everything he needed to be comfortable while they relaxed together, but also just wanting to hear his cute voice in person a few more times before their time together was over.
Yoichi simply nodded again, wrapping his arms around Michael just a bit tighter as he exhaled, breath heavy and tired.
Running a hand down Yoichi’s side, Michael decided to just enjoy himself for the time being, providing Yoichi with physical forms of comfort when words weren’t wanted. Closing his eyes, he kissed the top of Yoichi’s head, his boyfriend's hair tickling his nose as he inhaled, trying to memorize the scent of his shampoo before he no longer had the chance. Yoichi sniffled at the contact, his nose sounding remarkably more stuffy and runny than it had just a little while ago.
Leaning back, Michael tried to get a good look at Yoichi’s face, brows furrowed in concern. Knowing he had been caught, Yoichi turned his head away, hiding his face so that he could rub his eyes on the sleeve of his shirt, sniffing again to clear out his nose.
“Yoichi, are you okay? Why are you crying?” A redundant question. Michael knew that. He knew exactly why Yoichi was crying, and while it was immensely precious and made him love Yoichi just that much more, it was not what Michael wanted to see on his sweet Yoichi’s face.
“‘m not crying…” Yoichi mumbled, rubbing at his nose now, trying so hard to regain his composure as Michael watched him.
“Oh come here, you big baby.”
Before Yoichi could even complain, Michael had pulled him up and into his lap, settling Yoichi’s legs on either side of his thighs. Yoichi pouted, never appreciating when Michael would use his strength to manhandle him, and rubbed at his eyes once more, the skin under them turning red.
“Why so sad?” Michael teased, wrapping his hands around Yoichi’s waist, enjoying the way Yoichi squeaked as he squished the softest parts of his sides. “Have you not had fun? I wanted you to have a good time so badly…”
“That’s not it…” Yoichi mumbled, reaching a hand out to play with the long strand of hair that was falling over Michael’s shoulder. He rolled the blue length between his fingers, staring at it absentmindedly so that he did not have to look Michael in the eyes again.
“Then what? I can’t make it better if you don’t tell me…” Michael knew he was being mean as he cocked his head to the side, trying to get Yoichi to look at him. Yoichi knew well how much Michael loved him, as Michael had always been more free with his feelings and affection. But Yoichi’s love was more subtle, and while Michael did not doubt for a second that it was there, sometimes, he just wanted to hear from Yoichi’s own lips how deeply those feelings ran, and how much it affected him.
“You can’t…Even if you wanted to.” Yoichi sighed, finally looking up to lock eyes with Michael. He had stopped crying, but the wetness in his voice was still there as a sad little smile played on his lips. “My team starts up training again next week, and I can’t miss that.”
“I keep telling you…you should try to get on with a European team…” Michael trailed a hand up the front of Yoichi’s body, walking his fingers up his stomach and chest until he reached his chin. Yoichi didn’t shake him off anymore like he used to, but rather, leaned into the touch, allowing Michael to loosely grasp his face in his long fingers. “Just imagine, how often we could see each other if we were on the same continent, if not the same country.”
Yoichi closed his eyes, holding himself back from rolling them, as they had already had this conversation a number of times this trip, but for a number of reasons, that wasn't a reality that was in the cards quite yet. Maybe in the near future, but not this season, as contracts and leases and agreements had already been signed.
“Hey, Yoichi. Don’t worry about that right now, okay?” Michael smiled, comforting Yoichi best he could with the resources he had. He led Yoichi’s face towards his, bumping their noses together, enjoying the way Yoichi laughed, a puff of warm air ghosting over his lips as Yoichi tried to hold himself back. “That’s right, just focus on me for now…”
Yoichi nodded, letting Michael kiss him, entire body relaxing as he wound his arms around Michael’s neck. Michael’s hand left Yoichi’s face, tickling the side of his neck and over his ribs, before intertwining his hands behind his back. Yoichi sighed, relaxed and happy as he kissed Michael back, pulling back only when he needed to catch his breath.
While Michael thought he solved all of Yoichi’s problems with soft words and tender touches, he was disappointed to see the sadness returning to Yoichi’s eyes, as the inevitable reality hung over their heads, unable to escape from their minds. Yoichi’s lower lip trembled, and he dipped his head to rest his face in the crook of Michael’s neck.
Michael rubbed his back as his shoulders began to shake, not bothering to state that the way Yoichi hugged him was making it a bit hard to breathe. As he felt the warm wetness of Yoichi’s tears falling over the tattoo on his neck, Michael closed his eyes, holding his boyfriend securely on his lap as he let it all out.
He had to admit, he felt a bit like crying himself, because he too really did not want Yoichi to leave. Without him, his home and his bed would feel immensely too big. Without him….he would go back to the life he had prior to Yoichi being a part of it. If only in routine, because he would never truly go back to “normal”, not with the impact this love has had on his life.
Inhaling deeply, Michael felt his chest rattle with the unshed tears he was holding in himself. He would cry later, when Yoichi was in the air and truly beyond his reach. When he returned home, and he smelled Yoichi on his pillows and found the few small things he had forgotten in his wake after scattering pieces of himself all over Michael’s life.
For now, he would focus on Yoichi, as Yoichi focused on him. On Yoichi’s warm tears and even warmer kisses, and on the tightness of his hugs as he held on to him for dear life, as if they would delay his departure in the end.