Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The feeling of floating in an empty void whilst an alien robot screamed in rage was a feeling Leo was all too familiar with. The cracks that had begun crisscrossing atop his shell had begun to fade to a dull throbbing as new injuries were brutally stacked on top of old ones after what felt like weeks trapped in the prison dimension. Wait. Had it really been weeks? Had he only been there for a few minutes? How many hours, days, weeks, or even months had he been trapped in this God awful place?
Leo curled in on himself, bringing his knees to his chin and the photo he had been holding onto all this time as close to his beaten and battered chest as his anatomy would allow. A distant yell of frustration was all he heard before a robot-clad purple alien came hurtling towards him through the graynesses of his surroundings.
Krang only came to a stop after smashing into the slider, sending him crashing into a piece of the broken ship with a sickening crack of his carapace.

“You….” Krang snarled, glaring down at Leo. There was nothing In his eyes but pure hatred. “You ruined everything! And now, my wrath will be reserved for you alone.”

Before Leo could even think to open his mouth for a classic snarky remark, two enormous metal fists crashed down into his plastron with so much weight he could feel his ribs snap under the pressure.

“You think you’ve won, YOU WRETCHED LITTLE PEST!”

He was once again sent flying through the cold darkness behind him, gasping as the blood clogging his throat prevented him from getting the full breath of the thin air he desperately needed. All he could do is lie there and stare at the crumpled photo in his hands as the tears began to fall. Because Krang was right. He may not be as smart as his twin, but it didn’t take a genius to see that his brothers would be better off without him there to hold them back. It maybe a little hard at first, but they would be okay. They could heal.

And Leo was okay with that.
He knew he probably wasn’t getting out of here anytime soon, and if his injuries didn’t take him out, starvation and dehydration would. But he wouldn’t hesitate to do it again if it meant his family was safe.

With that thought, he allowed himself to smile. If he couldn’t get out of this alive, he at least wanted to go out with a smile.

“WIPE THAT GRIN OFF YOUR FACE!”

Leo braces for impact as he is once again struck by Krang, closing his eyes and opting to turn his medically trained mind off about whatever injuries he has sustained. It’s at moments like these that all he wishes for is to be able to pull all the way into his shell the way Mikey can, to relish in the comforting warmth and darkness that comes with it rather than only being able to semi duck his limbs in.
He goes for the next best option, squeezing his eyes tighter and counting backwards from ten the way he sometimes helps to guide Donnie through. He didn’t want to open his eyes again, but when a harsh yellow light illuminated the otherwise grayscale landscape before him, he hesitantly peeked one of them open to see three all too familiar tear streaked faces staring right back at him with wide blown eyes.

“Heh, Took you guys long enough,” was all he managed to say as he smiled, mustering up the strength to reach his arm out to his brothers. Letting out a determined scream, the oldest summoned his glowing red avatar around his arm, reaching through the portal to grasp his brother’s hand.
Leo had stopped hoping for a chance to leave this hell hole, because hope was dangerous. But this time was different. He was getting out of here, he was determined. That was until he heard the angry animal-like roar that resonated from behind him. He whipped his head around to look behind him to see a more-than-usual pissed off Krang making steady progress towards him.
Donnie, however, had other plans as he summoned the mystic drill he and his brothers had asked him about on multiple occasions to push Krang back long enough for Raph to pull Leo through the portal and Mikey to snap it shut behind him.
The youngest’s knees buckled under him, but it was only a second before he was up and rushing to Leon’s side along with the rest of his brothers. Raph had propped him up into a slouched sitting position leaned up against the eldest’s larger than life plastron.
“Hey,” Leo croaked out to try and ease the tears and pain flowing through everyone, not enjoying how raspy and raw his voice sounded. The slider glanced around in mock wonder and disgust, trying to relieve some of the tension in the air with a classic Leo one liner. “Eww, are we in Staten Island??” He said, throwing his arms up in the air in front of him. Before he could so much as try to gauge how successful he had been, all of the turtles around him piled on top of him in a tearful hug.
Leo had not come to fully realize just how much he had craved the contact and warmth that came from his brothers until he had it again, relaxing into the makeshift pile. Much to his dismay though, he was quickly released from the hug when a low pained grunt had escaped his lips without his noting.
“We need to get you home before any of the damage you sustained becomes irreversible. What and where hurts,” Donnie questioned as he quickly flipped down his goggles and sucked in a harsh breath through his teeth at all the red and yellow hazard signs that were only multiplying the longer he looked at his blue clad brother. The look on Donnie’s face was all it took to bring everyone back down to Earth, and fortunately for his brothers, that meant Mikey jumping into action to call April, Splinter, and Casey to come pick them up and Raph trying his best to reassure Leo that he would be okay.
Unfortunately, for Leo that meant coming down from his adrenaline high only to be swallowed by just how much pain his injuries had caused. He blinked a few times before starting to slump further into Raph as his eyelids began to droop and black dots clouded the edges of his vision. Donnie was quick to action upon seeing this, and crouched in front of Leo and waved his hands in front of the slider’s face to try and grab his attention.

“Hey, hey, hey I need you to try and stay awake for me Nardo. I need you awake until we can make sure your brain isn’t bleeding. Can you tell me three things you can see around you?” Leo lifted his head and looked around as much as his aching body would let him.
“Mikey calling Dad, the red of Ralph’s gloves, and…. the purple of your bandanna?” he said as he squeezed his eyes shut and reopened them to a mildly confused and definitely worried Donnie.
“Leo, Raph doesn’t wear red glov-…. Oh. OH.” Donnie looked down in horror to see the red blood that was pooling around Leo from the numerous cracks in his carapace and plastron, as well as from his arms and legs. This was enough for both him and Raph to rush into putting pressure wherever most of the bleeding was coming from, both turtles removing any cloth items they had on them to try to slow the bleeding. The scream that was ripped from Leo’s already raw throat made Mikey plead with Splinter and April on the phone to hurry, before he ran over to hold Leo’s hand to provide a reassuring squeeze as Raph was currently more focused on sopping up the shear amount of blood that was coming from their brother.
Leo didn’t like the look on his little brother’s features, so he provided a weak squeeze back and it was enough to at least bring a sad smile to Mikey’s face.
Luckily for all of them, a van soon pulled up beside them and April, Casey, and Splinter all practically fell over one another to get out and run to the aid of the four turtles. Without missing a beat, Donnie quickly stood up and turned around to address the three worried faces staring back at him.

“We need to get Nardo home. NOW.”

Chapter Text

If it hadn't been for the constant encouragement from his brothers combined with the unbelievable pain from every time the van so much as moved, Leo is almost positive he would have passed out the moment Donnie and Casey lifted him up by the arms to get him in the van.
Even with his mind clouded over with pain and worry for his family, he still knew from his extensive medical experience that he did in fact need to stay awake until he could walk Donnie through the scanning process. Currently, he was leaned up against his dad as they couldn't put him on his back thanks to the number of cracks running through his carapace. Mikey was asking him questions to keep him awake while Donnie was working to stop the bleeding.
And oh God. There was a lot of blood.
“Stay with me Nardo,” Donnie said as he lightly shook Leo’s shoulder. “Casey, I need you to hold him as still as possible while I do this. Leo, I know this is going to probably hurt like hell, but I need to stop the bleeding.”
Leo only nodded, and shakily untied his mask to bite down on. Right as Casey grabbed ahold of him, Donnie pressed down with a bundle of cloth on a particularly large crack in his plastron. He felt like all of his nerves were on fire as he let out a muffled scream tensing every muscle in his body to a painful degree.
His family offered him words of encouragement and as much skin contact as they could provide him without getting in the way or making his injuries worse.

“That should be enough, until we get home at least,” Donnie heaved with a sigh. After that the world seemed to slow down and speed up at the same time as Leo’s vision began to go blurry and everyone looked like colored blobs.
The next time he registers a voice was Raph gently shaking him to let him know they had gotten home. "Hey bud, we're home now. We gotta get you up and to the med bay so Don can get ya fixed up, okay?"
Leo nodded slightly, biting down on his lip to brace himself for the movement that was sure to follow. The moment his older brother gently scooped him into his arms, he could feel his joints lock up in protest as he vaguely registered the changing scenery around him.

Raph set him down on the stiff bed they had in the corner of the med bay that they had all taken turns lying on at one point or another. He didn't like the way Leo’s face had twisted into a pained grimace and was pretty sure his leg wasn’t supposed to bend that way. It was only when he felt April’s soft hand on his shoulder that he realized he had been staring.
“Why don’t we go get that eye looked at big guy. Don and Case have got Leo, let’s go get you and Mikey patched up, hmm?” She said, gently guiding him away with Mikey in tow behind her. Raph didn’t like the idea of letting two of his brothers out of his sight, but the more he tried to focus, the blurrier the vision in his right eye became. He could at least help Mikey this way, plus April was right; Leo was in good hands.
April guided him into a sitting position so she could reach his face to begin looking at his eye. The minute she tried to touch the skin around it, however, his breathing picked up as he flinched away, refusing to let Krang infect him again. As if she had expected his reaction, April let out a breath of air and moved to sit beside him, Mikey taking the other.
“Remember the time I tumbled off of Donnie’s jet pack when we were on our way back from Señor Hueso’s? You made sure I was okay and helped get me back to the lair so Leo could get a look at me. It’s okay to not be okay, but just know that we’re all here for you, ya know? So can I please start cleaning out your eye? I know it’s gonna hurt, but the last thing we want is for it to get infected.” At her gentle words, he nodded, feeling Mikey squeeze his hand twice from his place beside him.
“I’m here.”

While April washed out his eye and bandaged it up to the best of her abilities, he could feel his little brother’s hand trembling inside his larger one. As April finished putting on the bandages he looked over to get his first good look at the cracks running up Mikey’s arms.
Following his gaze, April turned to Mikey and frowned. “Alright Angalo, your turn.” He reluctantly let go of Raph’s hand, but felt like he had at least managed to help a little at the small reassuring smile that graced his older brother’s lips. He turned to watch April reach for some ointment she grabbed before they left the med bay, and took a deep breath to help calm his nerves.
“This is probably going to sting a little but I need you to try and hold still.”
He didn’t know how well he could do that on his own, but didn’t have to dwell on it for too long as Raph pulled him into his lap to provide some comforting pressure he didn’t know he needed. He sucked in a breath as the cold ointment made contact with his forearms, watching Aprill wrap bandages around them just tight enough for them to stay in place.
They were lucky April had stayed on the ground when they had all split up, as a human, she could have sustained much worse injuries than any of them would care to think about. But luck was at least on their side for this, and for that Mikey was grateful.

“Can I ask a stupid question?” he asked as he stared down at the bandages covering his arms.

“Of course you can,” April said, as she and Raph turned to give him their attention.

“What if we don’t come back from this? What if Raph cant see out of his eye again? If Donnie can’t open up again? ……If Leo doesn’t wake up again?” He looked away in embarrassment as his voice dipped into a barely audible whisper, holding back the tears that were threatening to spill down his face.
“Mikey, that’s not a stupid question,” Raph whispered from behind him. “It’ll take some time, but we always get back up again. Even when it seems like it’s impossible.”

Mikey closed his eyes as he felt the arms of his brother and surrogate sister envelop him in a warm hug, and the tears began to fall. He knew they had good intentions, but it made him feel like his role he had filled for so long for his brothers wasn’t his or important anymore. He’s the one that’s supposed to be there for his brothers emotionally, he’s Dr. Feelings for God’s sake.
“I’m supposed to be the emotionally stable one, and it seems like I can't even do that anymore. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’msorryimsorryimsorr-” he choked out between sobs but was cut off by Raph giving him a tight squeeze that would be painful if he hadn't been in desperate need of the pressure it provided.

“You have nothing to be sorry about, Mikey. You did a good job.”

He wiped at his eyes and began to quiet his sniffles through the breathing techniques he usually helps his brother with. As he looked at April and Raph, he couldn’t help but give into the small smile that was pulling at his lips.
“There he is,” April said with a little laugh as she smiled fondly back at him. Things were going to be okay. Not yet, but they would. He was willing to let himself be pulled away from the bad thoughts as he sat with his family……

That is until they heard the distinct screaming ripped out of their brother from the med bay.

Chapter Text

Donnie was panicking to say the least. He had a basic understanding of how to treat most wounds and how to run the machinery in the med bay, but he had never been up against something like this. The fact of the matter was that the only one of the four turtles who could really take care of injuries to this degree was the one currently fighting to remain conscious on the uncomfortable med bay bed.
“Casey, do you know anything about treating injuries?” he questioned as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath to steal his nerves and calm down. His brother needed him right now, he didn’t have the time to panic.
“Yeah. You learn a thing or two when everything wanted to kill you growing up,” he replied, moving to start getting his sensei hooked up on an IV drip. Donnie flipped his goggles down and started assessing what was in the most need of immediate attention, listing things out loud as he saw them.
“A couple of broken ribs, right leg is shattered from the knee down, right shoulder dislocated, left wrist fractured, and his entire shell is cracked in multiple places. We need to take care of the bleeding first, then start setting his leg.” Donnie hated how flat his voice came out as if he was simply reading a book rather than listing all the ways he failed to protect his brother.
“Donnie…?” Leo’s faint voice broke him out of his thoughts as he looked at him through half lidded eyes. “You… your shell. Let m-me see it.” The slur in the slider's voice as he struggled to get the words out only worried Donnie more than he already was.
“Sen- Leo, there’s not much you can do right now that won't bother your injuries. I know you want to help but you're in no condition right now to be moving more than absolutely necessary.”
Donnie was glad that he had Casey here to pick up the slack of his wandering mind. Leo scrunched up his face at the thought of leaving his brother’s sensitive shell without medical attention, but was quickly sidetracked by the fire that lit up his side as Donnie and Casey started to disinfect the crack on his plastron that was currently bleeding the most.
His dad reached over and squeezed his hand as he let out a low whimper while Donnie started wrapping him in more bandages than he had originally thought he needed.

“Alright. That should hold for now, we need to set his leg and pop his shoulder back in,” Casey said, cracking his knuckles as he looked at Leo and the amount of cuts and bruises that littered his body.
“Right,” Donnie let out a sigh, moving to start getting the plaster ready for the cast Leo would undoubtedly need. “Leo, you’re going to need to stay still. Dad, can you help me with that?” he asked cautiously, afraid of accidentally setting one of his father’s depressive episodes off.
They all knew Splinter had problems with depression, and have all had to deal with the backlash of one of his episodes at some time or another. He would lock himself in his room for days, leaving Raphael to be the one to step up and take care of them all when they were younger.

The rat nodded, cautiously grabbing Leo’s shoulder in the gentlest way he could without bothering it before they could pop it back into place. Donnie set the materials for the cast down on an open space of the bed and lightly squeezed Leo’s hand before moving to hold him in place while Casey moved over to his leg.
Leo looked up at him and swallowed, gripping onto his brother's arm for support.

“Everyone ready?” Casey asked, his hands hovering over the purple of Leo’s leg. Donnie and Splinter both nodded and looked back at Leo with the question written on their faces.

“Yes,” Leo squeaked out as he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. As soon as Casey’s hands made contact with his leg he let out an ear piercing scream, back arching as Splinter and Donnie held him still. He heard distant footsteps before three figures came running into the room, posed and ready to jump into action if needed.

“Nardo, you have to stay with us for a little bit longer okay? Then you can go to sleep, I promise.” The barely contained sob in Donnie’s voice made Leo shiver as he looked up at him and felt the comforting hands of Mikey, April, and Raph on his arm while Casey finished pulling and prodding at his leg.

He released the breath he had been holding as Casey began the process of putting the cast on his leg and instead opted to focus his attention on the newest additions to the room. When his eyes landed on the bandages covering Raph and Mikey, his brow furrowed in concern.
“How bad…. A-are they?” he asked, still being the medic he is at heart.
“We’re fine Leon, just a little beat up,” Raph reassured him, moving to sit on the other side of their father.
Leo was willing to accept that answer for now, but when he caught sight of the way Donnie was scratching at his arms and bouncing his leg out of the corner of his eye, he tried to refocus on his abandoned task from earlier of getting Don the medical care he needed, even if he didn’t think he needed it.
Raph followed his gaze and let out a sad sigh as he and Leo shared a look of understanding. Their brother was notorious for his will to neglect his own needs in favor of getting work done or when he was focused on something, to the point that if it got bad enough they would call an intervention. Now was one of those times.

“Don, Im s…stable enough for Casey to be able to h-handle me on his own. It’s time to get y-your shell looked at,” Leo said as he tried to lean up slightly only to be immediately stopped by Raph when he started to cough.
At the sound of his brother’s strangled coughs Donnie jumped up and took a step back from the worried glances the room’s occupants shot at him.

“Blue is right, Purple. You have all sustained great injuries, and you are the only one left to be taken care of,” Splinter said as an uncharacteristically soft expression came over his face.
Mikey stood to walk toward Donnie, but once the youngest’s hand touched his shoulder he jumped and began to flap his hands and back away, his eyes squeezing shut on instinct.

Leo sighed, knowing there was nothing he could really do to help his brother in the state that he was in. He knew his brother didn’t like taking his battle shell off as it is, much less after something like the invasion. He looked over at Mikey who was still standing in between them and Donnie but respecting his brother’s wish to not be touched and silently shook his head when they made eye contact, leaving Mikey to heave a sigh and go sit down with the rest of his family.
Donnie exhaled slowly through his mouth, calming his hands from flapping but keeping his eyes closed. [I’ll be back,] he signed before turning and walking out of the med bay. Leo’s body moved before he realized what he was doing, but unfortunately for him he didn’t make it very far before his body gave up on him and he started coughing again, pulling worried reactions from the remaining people in the room.

“Stay put, I’ll go check up on him,” April said with an accusatory finger pointed in his direction as Raph moved to help Leo relax back onto the bed.

Donnie was currently hugging his knees up to his chest as he sat leaned up against the base of the bathtub. He felt horrible for the way he had flinched away from Mikey, and even more so that he allowed himself to get overwhelmed when his twin needed him.
His shell hurt so much but he didn’t want to take his battle shell off in fear of being vulnerable. He also had no desire to take up resources for shell repair when it was blatantly obvious that Leo needed it way more than he did. Even Raph had yet to get the hole in the top of his carapace fixed up.
So no, he didn’t want to take off his one piece of protection from all the things that could hurt him.

He heard the door open as soft light spilled into the room, but didn’t bother to open his eyes to see who it was. Judging by the light footsteps and small stride he assumed it was April coming to check on him. His hypothesis was proven correct as she slid down beside him just close enough so he knew she was there but not quite touching him.
“You know, Leo’s worried about you,” she began with a small whisper. “The big ol’ dummy tried to get up to follow you before he even realized what he was doing.”

Donnie pried open one of his eyes and looked up at her with a slightly puzzled expression. Leo probably knew more than anyone that he probably wouldn't be able to walk unassisted for a month at the least, so why try and follow him? It was his own weakness that allowed this to happen to himself and his brothers. If he wouldn't have fallen off the Technodrome, Raph wouldn't have had to leave Leo alone to face the Krang. He had chosen to take off his shell to control the ship, so why bother with sympathy for him?
April must have caught on to where his train of thought went because her soft expression quickly hardened into a more stern one out of worry for the soft shelled turtle before her.

“No one blames you for what happened, you hear me? There is no one to blame except those damn Krang, okay? So don’t even think about loading it all onto yourself and yourself alone or so help me God I will get Casandra to come down here and slap some sense into you,” she finished with a small glare before returning to a slightly softer expression from before.
“I know you probably don’t want to, but we gotta take the battle shell off. I don’t know how thrilled Leo will be if he finds out he has to treat it for an infection once he gets back on his feet.”

Donnie took a deep breath and counted to ten before slowly bringing his knees down away from his chest.

[Slowly.]

“There you are,” April said, allowing a small smile to come to her lips as she reached over and gave his hand two distinctive squeezes.

‘I’m here.’

Chapter Text

“I'm going to trigger the release now, okay?” April said as she slowly placed her hands on Donnie’s shoulders from her place crouched behind him. Donnie only nodded and squeezed his eyes shut, taking a deep breath.

“One… two… three.” Donnie let out a strangled breath once the battle shell was tugged away from his back, not enjoying how the rush of cold air hit his shell after being covered for so long. “Oh, Dee….,” April sighed once she caught sight of the blood and cracks criss-crossing over his shell.
Donnie shuddered and moved his hands over his ears and put his head between his knees the way Leo taught him to when he was feeling nauseous. He opted to stay that way, but removed his hands from his ears so he could hear April’s voice as she warned him of what she was going to do next.
“I…. I think the blood just makes it look worse than it actually is. I’m gonna start washing the blood off, okay?” she told him, reaching over to wet a rag in the sink before gently pressing it to Donnie’s shell. He sucked in another breath of air, but managed to stay still as his honorary sister cleaned the blood from his bruised and battered body.

Unfortunately, the silence allowed for his overactive thoughts to wander. He could vividly remember every detail of when he was controlling the space ship, the slimy feeling on his forearms that later moved to his back, the way his shell gave in under the seeking tendrils as they pushed through it, when he was pulled in and then ripped out at a moments notice.
His breathing begane to pick up and he was vaguely aware of the bandages being wrapped around his shell as his earlier abandoned nausea returned to him.
“Don….?” was the last thing he heard before he fell over, allowing his body to drift into the darkness of unconsciousness.

This is by the far the most pain Leo had ever experienced in his life.

Casey had finally started him on painkillers, concluding that the possible concussion plaguing Leo’s mind wasn’t as bad as they had originally thought, but they were doing little to ease the amount of fire coursing through his veins. Raph had moved onto the bed to hold him as Casey worked, and while his presence was comforting, it didn’t stop the tightness to all his muscles that occurred every time something touched his skin.

They had managed to pop his shoulder back in place, it having already been put into a sling, and Casey was currently putting the cast on his other wrist. Just as Leo felt like he couldn't keep his eyes open any longer, April came running into the room, stopping with her hands on her knees and painting.
“Mikey, I need you to come help me move Donnie, he passed out while I was cleaning his shell,” she rushed out, sending the youngest scrambling to his feet and leaving with April.

“D-don,” Leo choked out, breathing picking up and heart rate quickening. Everyone was aware of just how fast his heart was beating thanks to the rapid beeps of the machine next to him.
“Hey, hey, hey, calm down. Mikey and April went to go get him, you need to stay still so you don’t hurt your ribs anymore, okay? Donnie will be okay,” Raph reassured, trying his best to keep the quiver out of his own voice. It helped to calm the slider’s breathing at least a little though, but it was short lived as Mikey and April made their way back into the room with his twin hoisted up between their shoulders.
Leo once again tried to sit up, but found that he couldn’t move thanks to his big brother holding him down. Casey was quick to rush over, but noticeably relaxed as he confirmed that it was just thanks to stress and sensitivity to his injuries while he began setting up an IV similar to Leo’s to get him started on his own batch of painkillers

However, Leo was finding it hard to relax when his brother was lying unconscious in the bed next to his and he couldn’t do anything about it. Deep down he knew resistance was futile, that his brother was one, stronger than him, and two, would never in his right mind let Leo get up from that bed, but that wasn’t going to stop him from trying.
He wanted to see with his own eyes that his brother was okay, and he couldn’t do that from the fucking bed he was being held to. As his desperate attempts to get up led to him coughing up blood, he wasn’t processing the figure moving towards his own IV until he felt the liquid being injected into his bloodstream.
His eyes widened as he realized what Casey was doing and snapped his gaze down to where the needle connected to his arm.
“No,” he heaved out, desperately ripping the IV out of his arm, but he was too late. He felt Raphs grip on him tighten as Casey stuck the IV back into his arm. The last thought that ran through Leo’s head before he lost his battle with his consciousness was how useless of a medic he was.

The dull ache in his shell was a feeling Donnie did not want to get used to as he slowly popped his eyes open, registering that he was on his side on one of the med bay beds, too drugged up to care about how uncomfortable the mattress beneath himself was. He was tempted to close his eyes and drift back off to sleep, feeling the exhaustion weighing down his eyelids, but quickly abandoned the thought as the events from his last bout of wakefulness started to come back to him.

Leo.

He struggled to sit up, breath hitching in his throat until he caught sight of his brother sleeping peacefully on the bed beside his. He hated what he saw. Leo was currently hooked up to a machine that read his vitals and Heart rate, as well as an IV that matched the one sticking out of his arm. He had a breathing mask placed over his beak, though Donnie assumed it was just there as a safety net, but it still disgusted him nonetheless.
There were entirely too many red-stained bandages wrapped around parts of his shell, and a cast covering his right leg with writing and doodles to boot. His right arm was in a sling with stickers placed in random spots all over it (undoubtedly Mikey’s doing), and his other having a wrist brace strapped to it.

He couldn't help feeling ashamed at himself that he had passed out when his brother was in need of his help, digging his nails into the exposed skin of his arms.

“Purple?”

His dad’s voice from beside him made him jump, forcing him to look away from Leo and refocus on Splinter. His dad reached out a cautious hand to Donnatello’s shoulder, stopping to hover above him as his dad waited for permission to touch him.
When he showed no signs of wanting to move away, Splinter placed a gentle hand on his son’s shoulder to rub small soothing circles. Donnie stared at his dad for a moment, but then looked away to scan the rest of the room.
Countless pillows and blankets had been dragged in to fill the floor of the med bay, as Raph, Mikey, April, and Casey all slept soundly in a makeshift cuddle pile. April was draped over Casey's lap and Used Raph’s arm like a pillow as the oldest held Mikey protectively like a stand in teddy bear.

When Donnie’s sight landed on Leo again, he could feel the tears spill down his face as he turned back to his father who only looked on with sympathetic eyes. The rat pulled his son into a tight and careful hug as he began to sob quietly until he was lulled to sleep by the comforting warmth and desperate tiredness that weighed heavily on his chest.

Chapter Text

Mikey woke up after about three hours of being cuddled up to Raph’s plastron in need of a stretch and a glass of water. He carefully shimmied his way out from under his big brother's arm with ease, all his years of practice serving him well as to not wake any of the other sleeping occupants of the room.
He looked around and noticed that their dad had left at some point, probably to return to his own room. He looked over at Leo, only to find that he was once again still sleeping, the same as he was the other hundred times he had looked.
Sighing, he maneuvered his way out of the med bay and into the kitchen where he reached up to the cabinet to retrieve a glass. As he grabbed a hold of it and began to bring it toward him, however, he let out a gasp as his hand and arm spammed, sending the glass crashing to the ground where it shattered.

Mikey could only stand and stare in shock as his brain processed what had just happened. He lifted his hands up to look at them and before he knew it his breathing picked up and he was crouched on the floor trying to hold back strangled sobs.

After cleaning up his mess and deciding he no longer wanted water, he slowly made his way back to the med bay. He had been hoping that his little fiasco hadn't been loud enough to alert any of the sleeping family members, but he was not expecting to see a very confused Leo struggling to sit up and pull the breathing mask away from his face.
Mikey immediately flushed to his brother’s side, carefully pushing him back against the mattress.

“Hey, it’s okay, It’s okay. I'm here,” he said, moving his brother’s grasping hands away from his face so he could slowly remove the oxygen mask.

“M….mike?” he whispered, looking up at his brother with half lidded eyes. “What happened to… y-your arms?”

“I’m fine, Leo. Do you need anything? Does anything hurt too bad? It’s been a few hours since the last time Casey got up to give you more painkillers,” he said, desperate to help out in any way he could.

Leo shook his head, looking around at his sleeping brothers.
“Alright hermano, fill me in. H-how is everyone?” He wanted to know what he had in store for him once everyone woke up. While he’s sure that Casey did a good job, he just wanted to look over everything and make sure nothing was missed.
Mikey hesitated,not sure if it was a good idea to add stress to his brother’s already fragile state of mind. He ultimately decided that it couldn't hurt too bad to fill him in, as there wasn’t much he could do about it anyway.
“April, Casey, and dad got out pretty much unscathed, only a couple of cuts and bruises. It’s too early to tell how bad Raph’s eye is, but Casey doesn't think he’ll go completely blind in it. Donnie's shell is pretty banged up, but he'll be okay."

Leo paused for a minute, remembering his frantic scramble to get up and help his brother when April and Mikey carried him back into the med bay. He turned his head to look at said brother in the bed next to his, frowning when he saw his back was turned to him, at once white bandages covering the surface area of his shell.
He took a deep breath and counted to ten before refocusing his attention on Mikey.

"What about you?"

Mikey looked away and swallowed slowly at the question.
"I'm okay...," he whispered, unable to keep eye contact with his big brother.
"You're a bad liar, Angelo," Leo said with a small, tired chuckle. "But as long as you're not hurting yourself, you don't have to talk about it." Leo was finding it harder and harder to stay awake and his brother was beginning to pick up on it.

"Thanks, Leo. If you're tired you can go back to sleep, I don't mind. You look like you need it."

"Thanks, little brother," he said as he felt his eyes slide shut, and drifted back to sleep.

Chapter Text

     “I’m trying to save you, you idiot! Why do you have to make things so hard?” 

The slider stood panting before him, dodging the tentacles he had been swinging at him. The voice inside of Raphael’s mind began to laugh.

       Maybe he really was the one in control. It just felt so good to lash out with no intention of leaving Leo standing. Maybe he had alway wanted this, the Krang must have just been the small push he needed. 

“You want to keep coming at me? Go ahead. I’m done fighting you,” the turtle in front of him that at one time was his brother said, as he lowered his swords onto his back. He let out a low snarl, waiting for the blue one to get distracted before charging at him, sending him flying backwards.

     Raphael wanted nothing more than to see the red blood splatter across the ground in front of him, to watch the terror flash across the turtle’s face, knowing that he is the cause. He wanted to make him bleed.

    “I don’t want to fight anymore. I was fighting you because I didn’t understand you, but now I get it.”

     Raphael roared and charged him once again, getting annoyed by the constant nonsense spilling out of his mouth. He didn’t want to hear him talk anymore, he was just so angry but it just felt so good.  

     “I always figured you were mad because you didn’t like the way I did things.”

    He watched as the blue one fell to his knees. Funny. He couldn't seem to remember his name anymore. It didn’t matter any more. He grabbed it  by the neck and lifted his other arm, ready to strike.

   “But when I see what’s happening to you and what’s happening to them, I realized it wasn’t about me. You didn’t yell because you were mad, you yelled because you were scared. It’s scary to be responsible for the lives you protect. Your team… your family. But we do it anyway because that’s what it means to be a hero. If this is it, I want you to know I finally understand. And I’m sorr-” he was cut off by the blood that gargled in his throat and out of his mouth. 

    Raphael watched in slow satisfaction as the blood rushed over his hand from its place stabbed through the smaller turtle’s chest. As he watched the life drain out of its eyes, Raphael came to a sudden halt. He remembered something.

Its name was Leo. 

His brother. 

      Raph awoke with a startled gasp, remaining paralyzed from his place on his back for a few moments. He hurriedly looked to his side and let out a slow breath when he saw his brother laying on the bed, still breathing. He paused as he also saw Mikey sitting on the chair beside him, only then realizing that he was no longer cuddled up in his arms. 

     He knew it was wrong to eavesdrop, but he couldn’t bring himself to try using his voice. The dream had felt so real , and he hated the way he felt during it. The fact of the matter was, he almost did kill Leo that day. He had been ready to do it, and it felt good.  

    Raphael knew it had only been the Krang talking, but he still felt guilty when he thought about how much he enjoyed beating the pulp out of Leo, and once they got him back he shuddered at the red strangulation marks that were prominent around his neck.

      He took a deep breath, and refocused his attention on the conversation happening a few feet away from him.

    "What about you?" he heard Leo ask, not sure if he was ready to hear the answer. He didn't want to think of their little ball of sunshine being in pain, physical or emotional.

    "I'm okay….," came his hesitant reply. Raph sighed quietly under his breath. He knew his little brother always preferred to be the one making everyone else feel better rather than the other way around.

   "You're a bad liar, Angelo. But as long as you're not hurting yourself, you don't have to talk about it." Raph wanted to sit up and pull both of his brother’s into a hug, but even after regaining his ability to move he realized that if he did he would wake April up in the process. And God knew they all needed the rest. 

      "Thanks, Leo. If you're tired you can go back to sleep, I don't mind. You look like you need it." He couldn’t help but feel proud of his baby brother. Even if he had broken down earlier and was still having trouble talking about it now, he was definitely doing a lot better than the rest of them. 

      He felt his eyes growing heavy, as sleep tried to pull him under once again, but he let himself relax as he heard Mikey stand and start to make his way back over to where the rest of them were and wiggle his way back under his arm.

      He was content to just fall back asleep and talk to Mikey later, but alas, he did not get the luxury when said little brother nudged him. 

      “I know you’re awake. You okay?”

Raphael sighed, and opened his eyes to look the younger turtle. 

"Yeah, just a bad dream. Leo wake you up?" 

"No, just needed to stretch my legs," he sighed, nudging his face into Raph's plastron. 

"How was he?" he asked, tilting his head in Leo’s direction. The slider had not been awake and coherent enough to hold a conversation in six hours, occasionally waking up only for Casey to knock him out again. 

    "He said he was fine but…. I'm scared. My…my hands won't stop shaking," he said, as tears began to return to his eyes. Raph sighed and held his little brother tighter.

      "We can get Draxum to look at them okay? You'll be okay," he said, trying to be the pillar of strength his brother’s needed.

"Promise?" he asked, looking back up at the snapper.

"Promise."

Chapter Text

    The next time Leo came into consciousness, he was surprised to see everyone awake and in the med bay. Including Draxum. Leo swallowed and closed his eyes, feeling the pain that was gradually coming back to him with the wakefulness. 

   “Guys, Leo’s up,” he heard Donnie say from somewhere in the room. ‘Donnie,’ he thought, remembering the glimpse he had gotten of his brother the last time he had been awake. Leo hesitantly opened his eyes again, not enjoying how everyone in the room was currently staring at him.

     “Glad you’re finally awake,” Barry said from the chair he was sitting on in the corner of the room. “Now we can start discussing our plan for moving forward.”

     “Plan?” he asked, reaching his hand up to rub his face, but stopping once he realized it was in a splint. Huh.

     “Yes, plan. As I’m sure you’re aware, all of you have sustained a number of injuries, you of course having the most severe. You can’t really tell me you thought you would just be able to go back to your daily routines after a few days of bed rest, I mean honestly,” the yokai said, an obvious pinch of annoyance to his voice. 

    The slider scoffed. “No thanks to you. Where were you when all of this happened, huh?” he asked, not having the energy to at least attempt to be civil about things. It’s just like him really; around when no one wants him, gone when they need him.

     “Well I'm here now. If you cooperate, this will go much better for everyone involved.”

Leo huffed, but let the matter drop for now. He instead looked at all of his brothers, at the bandages covering various parts of them. It was his fault. All of it.

       He didn’t want to see his family like this, he didn’t want to be stuck in this damned bed not being able to do anything about it. The sheep man continued to speak, but Leo couldn’t bring himself to listen. He wasn’t really there anymore, and he feared that part of him would always remain in the Prison Dimension.

        He could still remember how thin the air was, how his body had been practically weightless, drifting about until something else moved him. Something that wanted to kill him.

Something that hurt his brothers. 

      Leo hadn't realized he had been crying until he felt the cold hand of his twin lightly graze his shoulder. 

“Nardo?” he asked as the conversation that seemed to have been escalating rather quickly came to a halt. Leo looked back up at his brother, focusing on the bandages that peaked over his shoulder.

 “I’m sorry….,” was all he managed to whisper out, wiping his eyes as he tried to refocus on the conversation. “What were we talking about?”

     “I was saying,” Baron said with a small, almost undetectable air of caution to his voice. “We should re-run some of the scans and tests, and I want to get a good look at Raphael and Michelangelo’s injuries. Depending on the severity of the damage, I can determine how we will move forward.”

     “Woah, hold up. I’m the medic, I’m the one who will be calling the shots here,” he said, glaring down the towering Yokai before him. He wasn’t about to allow him to take over care for his family, especially after the whole roof fiasco. 

      Baron scoffed, but was cut off by his brother before he could so much as open his mouth for a retort. 

“Like hell you will,” Donnie said from his place beside him. “Leo, you can barely stay awake for more than an hour, I don’t think you have the right to refuse his help here.”

“While he could have used better phrasing,” Raph said, shooting a dirty look towards Donnie. “Dee’s right on this one. You don’t need to be moving more than you have to or putting more stress on yourself.” 

    “But that’s the thing,” Leo said darkly, not caring to keep the bitterness out of his voice. “I do have to. It’s my fault we all ended up like this in the first place.” Leo was done being the deadweight his brothers still tried to carry around with them. He was done being just the face man, done not being able to be useful. That’s why he started learning medicine in the first place, to at least have something he could contribute to his team. And now even that was being taken away from him.

      “Leonardo, I’m afraid this is a decision you have no choice in. I know Draxum hasn’t always been friendly in the past, but at least let him have this. You can no longer handle this yourself,” his dad said firmly, not letting the slider have any room for arguing. Leo let out an annoyed huff, resolving to take care of things later when he wasn’t as tired. 

       “Anyway, I want to start with the burns on Michelangelo’s arms. I honestly have no clue how you managed to open a portal with no prior training, but it is a matter that can be explored another time.” 

      Leo watched as the bandages wrapping his little brother’s forearms slowly came away, and winced when he saw the red cracked skin that lay underneath. After listening to Draxum ask questions to which Mikey answered, Leo began to tune out and instead take a good look at his own injuries for the first time. 

     He could tell by the stiffness in his leg that it had been put in a cast, already not looking forward to the hassle of maintaining one he had ahead of him. He had discovered earlier that his wrist was in a splint, but looked over to his other arm to see the blue sling that was strapped over his shoulder. 

      Judging by the distant almost nonexistent ache in his shoulder, he assumed he could get it off in a few days tops, he’d just have to be careful with how he moved it. The things that were going to be the worst to deal with were the large amount of cracks covering his shell and the broken ribs that made it slightly hard to breath. They didn’t hurt too terribly at the moment thanks to good ol’ pain killers, thank God, but he knew he would definitely be feeling it later when they wore off and he had taken as many as he could for the day.

     With his self evaluation complete, he turned to Donnie who was still sitting beside him but scrolling through files on his tablet rather than giving the conversion happening with the rest of their family his full attention. Leo could tell just by his posture and body language that whatever he was looking at was upsetting him, even before he taped his hand to get his attention.

     His brother jumped, immediately closing out whatever he had been looking at before relaxing slightly once he realized it was only Leo. 

    “You okay?” he asked, just loud enough for Donnie to hear him without interrupting the rest of the people in the room. His twin hesitated, but shook his head up and down and refused to make eye contact with the slider. Leo knew something was wrong, but didn’t want to push it for now. He’d come back to it later when he could get a minute alone with Donnie. 

     “If you say so,” he said, sighing and closing his eyes as he brought his head back down to the pillow behind him. Donnie noticed the way his brow furrowed in discomfort, recognizing the look his brother made when he was uncomfortable. 

     “You need more painkillers? You haven’t had any in a while,” Donnie asked, knowing his brother was too stubborn to ask for them himself. 

     “I’m fine, they make me tired anyway,” he said, wanting to do anything besides sleep. Donnie sighed, and reached over to grab the bottle anyway, figuring Leo could take the pills rather than the IV that was still hooked up to his arm. Leo sighed, but didn’t complain as he took the pills and dry swallowed them, a skill he had possessed since he was a child.

"Thanks, hermano," he said as he relaxed against the bed, sliding his eyes shut with a sigh. 

"Anytime, brother."

    Leo felt himself slowly succumbing to the weight that was pushing down his consciousness and drifted off to sleep, but not before noticing the uncertain glances shot at him but the uneasy soft shelled turtle beside him.

Chapter Text

    It had been about seven hours since they first got Leo back home and about four hours since Casey and April had left to get Casey set up in her apartment and everyone else had scattered to various parts of the lair. Everyone except for Donnie. 

      He couldn’t shake the uneasiness that threatened to take hold of him every time he looked at his brother. 

     He sighed and pulled up his tablet, making sure his headphones were connected before he continued. He didn’t want his brothers to have to hear this, especially not Leo.

     Donnie took a deep breath, then started to pull up the audio logs that he had pulled off of his brother’s com. 

       He had initially thought they were broken, as did the rest of them, but with a few minor obstacles he managed to salvage most of the recordings. He had already heard them a million times since the first time he had gotten his hands on his tablet when he woke up, but that didn’t stop the shudder that creeped down his spine at every loud crash the com picked up. 

      “You…. you ruined everything! And now, my wrath will be reserved for you alone.” He closed his eyes when he heard the crash, not wanting to think about what it was.

      “You think you've won, YOU WRETCHED, LITTLE PEST.”

       “WIPE THAT GRIN OFF YOUR FACE!” 

    Donnie threw down the device, breathing heavily. He couldn't, wouldn't listen to the sound of his brother being beaten black and blue anymore. He just couldn't. He tried to stand, deciding to go get a glass of water and to mabe take a break from the sterile smell of the med bay that assaulted his nose, but found himself on the floor near the discarded device when he tried to take a step.

      Logically, he knew there was no reason for him to be acting like this, they had Leo back home. They were safe. Yet each time he tried to get a full breath the air only got stuck in his throat. 

      It felt as though someone had placed one of the beds in the room on his chest, stopping it from expanding to its full capacity. He could feel the wet drops that fell from his face, but did nothing to stop them in his struggle to just stand up.

      A few panicked chirps escape his mouth, and the beeping of the machines in the room sounded like underwater static. He tried to count down from 10, to focus on something in the room, but he just couldn't stop hearing the Krangs voice berating his twin as he was thrown about as though he were a rag doll. 

        Over and over again, until he thought he would pass out due to lack of oxygen. He didn’t hear the sound of his brother trying to get his attention, all he could do was stay on his hands and knees, chest heaving.

       "DONATELLO!" 

    At the sound of his name, he managed to snap his head up to look behind him at his brother, pupils shrinking as he stared at him. His brother was sitting up in the bed, good leg dangling over the side as if he was about to try and make his way over to him.

      The more he looked at him, the more his breathing picked up as the ringing in his ears became more prominent. He could see some of his injuries and pinpoint the exact point in the audio the Krang had given to him.

    "Donnie, I need you to take a deep breath. Try to name three things you see, three things you can feel, and three things you can hear. The 333 rule, remember? It doesn't have to be out loud, I just need you to try for me, okay?"

    Donnie tried to focus on something he could hear, but everything sounded like static and he didn't have to focus for very long before the constant crashing of the audio came to mind.

    Leo could see how much his twin was struggling, but there really wasn't much he could do for him at the moment. He knew from past experiences that when his brother got like this he didn't like to be touched, and he's sure that even if he did, he wouldn't be too thrilled to see Leo getting out of bed. 

      He needed him to calm down at least a little bit before he could help him, but there wasn't much of a way to do that right now. 

     Donnie tried to instead go for three things he could feel, as it was better then the images his mind was creating to go along with the crashing each time he tried to look at something. 

     The floor was rough and textured beneath him, for one. He still had his goggles on his head, and was able to get his hand to reach up and touch them. He couldn't think of anything else that was physically touching him at the moment, so instead he tried to redirect his attention in identifying a specific emotion running through his crowded mind.

       As he thought about more, he realized there wasn't any specific thing he could recognize. Obviously the panic and fear, but those were the superficial ones that didn't really count, not to him at least. 

       When he came to that realization, it became slightly easier for him to breathe, and he was able to get up to sit up on the floor. He didn’t feel like he was going to be able to talk for a little while, but he could at least retain eye contact with his brother. 

      "You with me, Dee?" he asked, carefully moving his casted leg to hang off of the edge of the bed with his other one. Leo knew it wasn't his brightest idea in the world, but he was drugged up enough that he just couldn't bring himself to care. 

        His brother, however, was not too thrilled to see him moving when he wasn’t supposed to. He was having a panic attack, not an idiot attack.

        [Stop], he sighed, breathing still slightly uneasy as he glared at him. Leo held up his hands defensively.

         "Alright, alright, I'm done moving, see?" he said as he carefully looked at his twin. "You want your compression gloves? I started keeping a pair in the drawer over there for when you end up stuck in here." He pointed to the drawer that was a few steps away from where Donnie was sitting, watching him look over at it. 

       Donnie wasn't too sure he could stand at the moment,  so instead he elected to shuffle across the floor to the drawer Leo was pointing at. After sliding them on, he let out a sigh at the comforting pressure that helped to keep him grounded. 

       He leaned up against the wall, sitting with his knees held to his chest as he tried to focus on anything but the turtle currently staring him down.

      "Can I ask what that was about?"

      Donnie closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He knew his brother wasn't the kind of person to just let something like this go, especially if it pulled such a strong reaction from him. 

      [I…] Donnie attempted to start, but had to stop to compose himself.

      [I heard…. everything.]

      Leo paused. He could feel the unease starting to set in, but was holding out for the hope that his brother was referring to something else. 

      "You've lost me, hermano. Care to be a bit more specific?"

      Donnie just stared at him for a moment.

      [ Everything, Leo. The….. the coms were still salvageable.] 

      Leo’s blood ran cold. He… he didn't know what he was supposed to say to that. What he was supposed to do.  

Chapter Text

        The two turtles only stared at each other, neither breaking eye contact. Leo didn’t know what to do. What was he supposed to say to that? ‘Don’t worry Donnie, just forget about the recordings of your brother being beaten half to death after he threw himself under the bus.’  He’s sure that would go over great.

        They weren’t supposed to know. He was fine with living with it on his own, he could deal. He couldn’t, however, sit there knowing that his brothers might have had to hear any of it. Leo sat there for a long moment, just processing. 

        “Do…. do the others know?” he asked quietly, looking down to the floor. He didn’t want to remember or think about his time in the Prison Dimension as it is, even less so as he realizes that that’s what had initially caused his brother’s recent panic attack. 

        [No. Just me.] he signed, as he looked over at his twin. Leo sighed and closed his eyes, and Donnie could tell by the uneven breath he took that he was trying to compose himself. 

       “I’m….. I’m sorry, Dee. I’m just…. Not ready to talk about it yet.” Leo felt like his chest was caving in as he said the words, but he just couldn’t.      
   
      [That’s okay.] Donnie signed once Leo opened his eyes. Donnie had had enough hard emotions for now, and it seemed that Leo felt the same. The two remained where they were, until Donnie felt brave enough to stand up and make his way towards Leo. 

       [You should probably lay back down before Raph catches you] he signed as he sat down on the bed next to Leo. The slider looked down to where his legs were currently dangling off the bed. He knew Donnie was right, it wasn’t exactly good for the healing of his leg to just let it hang. 

      When he started to move to bring them back up, however, he was surprised to find his twin helping him, helping to gently bring his leg up to rest on the bed. Usually when Donnie had a panic attack the drawbacks would last for a few hours at least where he could just be alone in his room or lab. Leo accepted the help with a small huff of thanks, and leaned his back against the heep of pillows that supported his shell.

       He felt terrible for brushing Donnie off, or at least that's what it felt like to him. Maybe they could come back to this conversation at a later time, but for now it was just too fresh for Leo to feel comfortable talking about it. He looked over at his twin who was still sitting on the edge of the bed, wringing his wrists nervously. 

     “Don, if you want to be alone I get it. You don’t have to stay in here with me. I’ll be fine,” he said as softly as he could, making eye contact with him. Donnie sighed.

     [Thanks, Leo.]

    Leo watched him stand up and make his way out of the room, leaving the door slightly open for him to call if he needed anything. Once his twin was completely out of sight, he brought his head back to stare up at the ceiling. This was the first time he had been left alone in the med bay since he had gotten home.

         Home. That word sounded strange in his head. When he had been floating through the darkness he had given up on the word. And yet, here he was.

       He wished he could turn his brain off, but this was the first time he had gotten the chance to really think about things. He didn’t regret what he did, not for a second, but that didn’t change the fact that part of him was just gone . 

       Leo looked back to the door that his brother had walked out of not too long ago. He hadn't even considered that his brother might have been able to pull the audio files off of his com. He hadn't planned to ever tell his brothers about his time in the Prison Dimension, about the constant verbal berating from the Krang.

       And now, he was dragging down his twin with his baggage. Again. 

       As Leo laid there, he slowly came to register the wet streams running down his cheeks, but he couldn’t be bothered to care at the moment. All he wanted was for his brothers to be okay. He didn’t want to see them in pain anymore. 

      He knew that he was due for another dose of his pain meds soon, but he didn’t have the will to take them. In hindsight, Leonardo knew it was an obvious bad decision, but he would be lying if he said he didn’t want to wallow in his own self misery and pain, even if just for a little bit.

     With those last thoughts running through his head,the slider allowed his eyes to slide shut for what felt like the thousandth time in the past 24 hours. 

Chapter Text

     Leonardo would have liked to sleep in more. He would have liked to be able to ignore the uncomfortable stabbing sensation that his leg was currently on fire with, that was also making itself known in his carapace and plastron. 

       He didn’t dare to open his eyes, but he was aware of the small weight that was half on his chest and half on his side. It wasn’t uncomfortable per se, but it definitely didn’t help the stiffness that was currently plaguing every joint and muscle in his body. He didn’t necessarily try to shift away from it, but he felt it slide off of him when he tried to sit up only to immediately let out a sharp breath of air.

         The slider forced his eyes open and immediately felt guilty at the sight of his still sleeping little brother that was curled up with his arm thrown over Leo’s chest. He looked over at the clock they had set up on the table next to him once he realized that the overhead lights he had come to expect when he opened his eyes were currently off.

       3:45 a.m. 

      He was due for another dose four hours ago.

     Leo looked around the room to find that he and Mikey were currently the only ones in it, meaning that if he wanted his meds it came down to either waking Angalo up or getting them himself. One look down at his sleeping brother and the dark rings that resided under his eyes was all it took to eliminate that option. 

     The problem was he couldn’t really get them himself either, as the pain that was practically eating him alive at the moment was becoming more of a focus as the last bit of sleep was blinked out of his eyes. He knew his breathing was coming out more as quiet gasps as the pressure in his chest began to make itself more known to the slider, and he was honestly grateful that Mikey hadn't been sleeping directly on top of him.

      In a last ditch effort to bring his breathing back to a level he was more comfortable with, he squeezed his eyes shut and let out a shaky exhale as he counted down from ten. Once he had reached zero he allowed his eyes to slowly open, and only then became aware that his brother had not in fact been sleeping quite as deeply as he had initially assumed.

      He looked down at a slightly disoriented Mikey as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes with a yawn. 

       “Leo…?” he asked, still rubbing his eyes. The more he looked at his brother the more Mikey became aware of the staggered rise and fall of his chest and the crease that found its way between his eyebrows. “Leo, are you okay? Do you need anything?” he asked, sitting up and reaching for his brother’s arm.

      At the box turtle's touch Leo looked up at him and tried to swallow down as much of his discomfort as he could before he tried to open his mouth to speak.

     “Meds,” he got out with a quick breath. “Forgot to take them earlier.” Leo did not in fact forget to take them, but Mikey didn’t need to know that. 

     Mikey’s eyes widened as he hurriedly scrambled to get off the bed resulting in a tangle of limbs as he fell onto the floor. He wasted no time in getting up and over to where they kept the pills Leo had been popping like candy since he was conscious enough to manually take them. He felt the pit in his stomach grow slightly when he felt how empty the bottle was as he handed the tablets to Leo. They would need to send April on a supply run soon.

      Leo stared at the pills being offered to him for a few seconds before he hesitantly reached a shaking hand out to take them. Mikey, however, did not miss the small hesitation that came over his brother.

     Leo didn’t particularly like the intensity of his brother's stare as he watched the slider swallow them, only relaxing when they had traveled down the entirety of his throat.  Mikey walked back over to sit on the edge of the bed with his hand rubbing comforting circles up and down Leo’s arm as he waited in much appreciated silence for the effects of said pills to kick in. 

     Once Leo was confident enough in his ability to speak again he looked up at Mikey with guilt etched into every corner of his face. 

      “Sorry I woke you up…,” he said with a frown. He didn’t like the way his little brother's face went cold.

      “Sorry!?” he half heartedly whisper yelled as his face morphed into barely contained worry and the slightest bit of anger. “If anything you should have woken me up sooner!” 

      Leo sighed. “I didn't want to bug you. You look tired enough,” he said quietly as he brought his gaze down away from his brother. 

      “Leo….. are you afraid to ask for help?” His voice got quieter as he ended the sentence. Leo looked up at Mikey and sighed.

      “It’s not that…. I just don’t want to make you guys worry about me anymore.”

      Michelangelo went quiet at this. Something had been bothering him from the moment they fished Leo out of that portal, and it had only strengthened when he saw Donnie leaving the med bay only to immediately shut himself in his room for the rest of the night earlier that day. He hadn't talked about it with anyone because he knew as soon as he said it out loud it would become real. He wouldn’t be able to hide from it anymore. But he would rather be safe than sorry.

     “Leo, do you…. do you ever wish we hadn't pulled you out of that portal?”

      He felt the tears that sprung to the corners of his eyes as the weight of his words slipped out of his mouth. When he had heard the sound of his brother telling Casey to pull the plug on the portal over his com, his heart had shattered with the amount of absolute certainty that was in his brother’s voice. Everything about the way he had been acting since they had gotten him home had been weighing on the small turtles thoughts,

      Even if he wasn’t necessarily suicidal, that didn’t change the fact that his brother didn’t seem to have a bone in his body for self preservation. Everything about the desperation in his voice when he begged for Casey to close the portal over their coms upset Mikey, even more so when he didn’t seem to have the slightest bit of regret or hesitation towards his decision to throw his life away for their sake.

     He had even outright said he blamed himself when Draxum had been over to help with their recovery, but no one wanted to bring it up as it was something they were all struggling with to some degree. He didn’t miss the way he had hesitated before accepting the pills that he had offered to him, and something was telling him that he didn’t simply ‘forget’ to take them earlier.

     Leo was taken aback by this sudden confrontation from his brother and could only stare at him in return. This, however, seemed to be enough of an answer for his little brother as he looked away from Leo to ready himself for a reply. 

     “That's what I thought. Leo please don’t let us get in the way of you taking care of yourself. I’m not sure I could handle losing you for a second time.” The desperation in his voice made Leo’s heart break as he watched the tears flow freely down his little brother’s face.

     He already felt useless from his conversation with Donnie earlier, still living with the guilt of knowing his brother had heard every sickening crack of his broken body as Krang flung him around like he was nothing, but this felt like it would finally be the death of him.

     His brother, his little, innocent brother, has been walking around all this time living in fear that he might lose his big brother for a second time. And all because Leo wasn’t fucking strong enough to deal with it on his own. Mikey didn’t deserve to be weighed down by the ever present pit of Leo’s internal struggle to see himself as worthy of standing next to them as equals. 

      Every fiber in his being hated the scene before him, feeling physical pain at the sight of his little brother’s tears. 

    “Mikey, please. Please don’t cry,” he heard himself choke out as he felt his own tears begin running down his cheeks. He sat up and pulled his brother into the tightest hug he could manage with one of his arms in a sling, despite the burning in his ribs at the deeply unappreciated movement. 

    “Leo,” his brother all but sobbed out as he buried his face into Leo’s shoulder, eagerly accepting the hug. Leo only held him as tight as he could, as if he were afraid of him disappearing into a cloud of dust if he let go. 

     “I’m sorry Mikey,” he said as he gently rubbed the back of the turtle’s head. “I just get so fucking pissed at myself every time I see what those Krang did to you guys. It’s my fault you can’t keep your hands still anymore. It’s my fucking fault-” his voice deteriorated into the most gut twisting sob he had ever heard himself make. At that moment, he allowed himself to let go of the walls he had been desperately holding onto that were keeping all of the things he didn’t want to feel back, and just allowed himself to break down with his brother tightly held in his arm. 

      He let himself think about the Krang, to think about how he had been completely ready and willing to let himself die in the Prison Dimension. He felt all of the crushing guilt for letting his family down all because he fucked up come rushing back to him all at once. 

      Mikey was right. He wished they hadn't pulled him out of that portal.

      Leo had hit lows before, but nothing was ever as bad as this. He would be lying if he said that the thought of ending it all hadn’t crossed his mind on a particularly bad day before, but he never thought he would ever come that close to doing it.  He had done it for Christ sake, he wasn’t counting on a rescue when he begged Casey to close that portal.

      “Leo, I chose to open that portal. I chose you,” Mikey said as he picked his head up to look his brother in the eyes. “And if you can’t see that then I will make you see it. Please, for the love of everything, don’t ever do something like that again.” Leo was shocked at the sheer amount of determination and drive that was in his brother's voice.

      “We all love you more than anything else in the world, no matter how many mistakes you've made, and we always will. You did good. It’s time to let go now.”

     Leonardo blinked, and looked at his little brother, seeing a turtle that wasn't so little anymore. They had all been changed permanently, but maybe……

      Maybe that was okay.

    “Thanks, little brother,” he said with a tired, wet sigh. 

     “No problem,” Mikey said as he once again pulled his big brother into a hug. 

Chapter Text

      Leo took a shaky breath, and reached his hand out to pull himself up. It had been about a month since the invasion, and Barry had finally given him the green light to walk around with the assistance of a crutch. He was still supposed to take it easy and rest his leg for the most of the time, but that had been all he was doing. 

       Once he righted himself, he took a few seconds to himself just to breathe. He may have been doing better, but that didn’t mean it didn't hurt. He hobbled his way over to the door of his room and pushed it aside, looking out at the chaos the lair had been turned into.

        April and Casey were supposed to come over for a movie night as a sort of ‘You're doing better.’ celebration, and while it was endearing, he couldn't help but sigh at the way everyone had been tip-toeing around him as if he would shatter at any given moment.

        With one last glance back in the direction he came from, he made his way to the TV room where the rest of his brothers were currently arranging every pillow and blanket on the couch and surrounding floor like it was a bomb they were trying to defuse. His brothers only gave him a pleasant nod when he gently lowered himself onto the couch.

       He wanted to help, but didn’t want to stress them out by moving too much even though he was allowed to. Instead he settled to just watch them work, happy to at least be here. Luckily for him, he didn’t have too much time to dwell in his thoughts as the door was hastily flung open to reveal two smiling faces.

        “Apriiiiiillllll O’Neal in the house!” She exclaimed, walking in with Casey not far behind. She smiled when she saw Leo and gave him a short kind of side hug. “Guess who’s the best sister in the world, cuz she just made a pit stop to Hueso’s to pick up a special order of pineapple pizza. Don’t worry Don, there's plain cheese as well,” she added the last part as a quick afterthought at the way the soft shell’s face scrunched up in mild disgust.

          With the help of Raph, Leo moved down to the heap of pillows and blankets that his family had all taken upon themselves to claim a spot in. He didn’t, however, particularly enjoy the amount of pillows and blankets that were pushed up against him to prop him up like bubble wrap, but he was willing to let this one slide as the opening to a Lou Jitsu movie started. 

          He relaxed into the comforting atmosphere that was surrounding him, allowing himself to sigh in content. Unfortunately, his brain didn’t get the memo. 

         It didn’t matter how much he tried, he was just unable to shut out the feeling of inadequacy that seemed to follow him around like a heavy shadow. He felt like he wasn’t ever doing enough, especially considering how his brothers have already ventured topside to help with the rebuilding of New York after the invasion. 

          Leo knew more than anyone that if he wanted to be back on his feet in full swing he needed to allow himself the rest that his body desperately needed, both mentally and physically. But Leo never knew himself to be the type to just relax.  

          Before he knew it, the tears had once again gone cascading down his face. Why was he like this? Just a hollowed out husk of the turtle he used to be and he was sick of it.

            Leo went limp when he felt the reassuring pressure that came in contact with his shaking form. When he looked down he found that everyone had opted to move closer to him, and all of them had  been sure to make some form of physical contact with him.

             April was leaned up against his right arm, Donnie on his other side with his hand gently holding onto his arm just above where the splint on his wrist stopped. Casey had his hand resting lightly on his casted leg, Mikey was draped over his lap, leaving Raph to lie his head on his other leg. 

      They had all visibly tensed up, but none of them looked away from the movie that was still playing, not wanting to make him uncomfortable by staring. But their presence was comfortable nonetheless. Familiar. 

        He let out a shaky sigh, leaning his head against his adopted sister’s. He wasn’t quite ready to let the subject go completely, but for now he was with his family. That was enough. The longer he focused his attention on the movie in front of him, the more he felt his eyelids drooping down over his eyes, and before he knew it he was drifting through unconsciousness. 

      When he next broke into the blurry beginnings of consciousness, the lights and projector were off as his family dozed around him. 

      Leo paused.

      This was…. nice. Safe. He had his family with him, and he couldn’t help but get a sense of pride as the gentle rise and fall of their chests let him know they were all still with him. 

      He felt his eyes grow heavy as he allowed his hand to give a small squeeze to whoever held it. 

       As Leo drifted off, Donnie couldn't help but give a small smile with a huf of relief, letting himself doze back off with his twin.