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Ocean had never experienced a romantic attraction towards another person.
Sure, some people may find this worrying - but due to the fact that she had lived in the same isolated town of Uranium, with only twenty-two people her age for her entire seventeen years of life, Ocean had simply chalked it up to a lack of options.
So, whilst the people around her had dove into games of romance as they grew up - she remained somewhat of an outcast in that aspect, preferring to have her head in some higher level textbook instead of awkwardly professing a shallow attraction to the first boy who had been kind to her that academic year.
That isn’t to say that she was unaware of what was going on - that was far from it in fact.
-
Starting off with her general love of literature at the age of six, Ocean would spend hours rereading the same small batch of love stories that were stacked on her living rooms shelf - allowing her imagination to take control over the scenes of ‘true love’ the writer decided to portray.
Her small, round cheeks would flush red at the descriptions of what falling in love felt like, bringing attention to the many freckles scattered across her face. However, once she had turned the page to read the description of the man evoking such emotions, her brows would furrow and her russet-brown eyes would cloud over in confusion.
These descriptions of ‘never wanting to let this person go’, ‘always wanting to be near him’, and ‘loving him unconditionally’ gave the impression of some heart throb that would undoubtedly make the reader fall as well. However, little Ocean couldn’t help but be disappointed in the written about man. He was so normal, if not a bit sweeter than the boys her age - what was attractive about that?
Back then, she had shrugged it off, simply concluding that some stories just had characters that Ocean wouldn’t find interesting, and eventually she would find one male love interest she liked.
-
Eventually, Ocean didn't need to rely on the words of authors in order to try understand the concepts and effects of love - due to her dearest friend developing crushes on a handful of boys in their grade.
The first time Constance had told Ocean about these alien feelings, they were eight years old and sitting next to one another in their schools small sports hall, both of the girls out of the game currently being played after being hit by a dodgeball.
Neither had spoken much, apart from an odd comment here and there, the pair exhausted from the forty minutes of intense competitive sports they had partook in. However, after many moments had been used to catch their breaths, their conversation started rolling the second Constance mentioned she found a boy in the opposite team cute.
Milliseconds after the admission, Ocean’s head had snapped to the right in order to take a look at the boy.
He was of average height, with tanned skin and dimples that showed up whenever he caught another player out. The ginger-haired girl couldn’t quite remember his name despite sitting beside the boy in her American history class, but she can clearly remember his loud, and lazy behaviour as migraine inducing.
“Isn’t he dreamy?” Constance had sighed then, pulling Ocean out of her critical thoughts as she leant forward to rest her cheek against an open palm. “I mean, look at how his hair shines in the light! I just want to run my hands through it,” Constance explained, causing her best friend to take another glance at the boy, noticing the blonde strands of hair that Constance had gushed about.
Ocean blinked once, and then twice before dumbly nodding along - unaware of the appeal but having enough knowledge of social cues in order to know what she should say.
Allowing a small smile to grace her face, revealing a straight line of white teeth, Ocean had calmly replied, “You both would be so cute together.”
-
The second boy Constance had a crush on was Oceans partner in her grade six art class, a boy who had recently moved to Uranium after his parents business had caused them to leave their original home.
Ocean had been staring down at a single piece of stiff, white card - the A-Four canvas having been sketched all over with a standard HB pencil. For the past fifteen minutes, she had been erasing and lining the same section of her drawing - growing increasingly agitated as she failed to get the proportions of her sketch exact to the reference image she was using.
Biting down on the tip of the pencil, she could vaguely taste the copper that attached the eraser to the wood covered lead, her mind clouding over with ideas about her next move in order to make this picture perfect.
Stuck in her own thoughts once again, she jolted up in her chair as she felt a gentle nudge against her left bicep, caused by a small, folded paper note being poorly aimed at her desk.
Picking it up, her eyebrows raised in surprise to find Constance’s rushed handwriting. After a few seconds of deciphering the message, Ocean recognised it to be a simple question: ‘could you introduce me to Aiden?’.
Once again, Ocean remained puzzled at Constance’s crushes, but knowing that people had different types of characteristics they looked for in a partner, she had to conclude that her type in boys and Constance’s were just wildly different - and also that Constance’s type was abundant in Uranium whilst Ocean’s type didn’t exist in their small corner of the world. Alas, she had the duty of being a sideline cheerleader, causing her to turn over to the shy boy.
He had looked up through dark eyelashes, the sides of his eyes wrinkling as he gave Ocean a polite smile.
“Is everything all right?” He questioned, his voice only a few pitches lower than the girl opposite him. Ocean nodded, quickly turning back to see a patient but anxious Constance watching them.
“Yeah… I was just wondering, could I introduce you to my friend Constance?” She had spoken quickly as she made eye contact with him, noticing the pretty emerald colour of his iris.
Waiting a few seconds, Aiden had agreed, causing a small rush of relief to flush her system as she gave Constance a thumbs up, hidden underneath a table.
-
The last boy Constance had a crush on had caused an eye opening experience Ocean.
Ocean was walking down the hallway with Noel, the two discussing sheet music for Saint Cassian’s newly constructed choir. As the two students turned the corner, they caught sight of their fellow choir member talking to a cross country player a year above them.
Noel and Ocean had quickly froze, before sharing a look that caused them to round the corner again - both of them well aware of Constance’s crush on whatever his name was after being forced to hear about it during their extra curricular period.
Putting all her weight against a stone pillar, Ocean peeked her head out to watch the interaction, noticing Constance’s and the boys bright smiles as they awkwardly flirted with one another.
“You know she’s going to tell us about this in tomorrows session right? You don’t need to be a creep Ocean,” Noel had spoken up from behind her, raising a singular eyebrow as he filed empty sheet music into a folder.
“I’m not creeping Noel, I’m just taking a quick look - there’s a difference,” Ocean had replied in her usual tone with him before continuing, “Besides, hearing about something and witnessing it are totally different experiences.”
He rolled his eyes at that, but Ocean paid no mind as she studied her best friends interactions - this new guy was noticeably taller than her past crushes, standing at a minimum of six foot four. Personally, Ocean couldn’t see the appeal in a guy so tall, it made her feel suffocated and intimidated - but Constance described the height difference as something to swoon over.
Used to being on the sidelines, Ocean had felt nothing but joy as Constance pursued whomever her heart directed her towards, but this time, she experienced a new feeling that didn’t settle well with her - envy.
Ocean wasn’t aware of when it started, but seeing her best friend experience all these flurrying romantic feelings about multiple boys had made the ginger-haired girl feel slightly ostracised due to her inability to have this experience at least once.
“I guess I’m interested in what it feels to be loved like that,” Ocean softly admitted in a moment of vuneralbility before remembering Noels presence behind her. Quickly trying to make up for it, she scrambled to seem more nonchalant, her voice raising ever so slightly.
“I mean, me and you. Neither of us have found a person that interests us,” She shrugged as she turned round to properly face her choir mate, “I guess I was just expecting to find a boy I’m interested in by this age.”
Noel looked at her with an unreadable expression before it quickly vanished to one of mild annoyance. “I’m sure you’ll find a boy that can tolerate your devil-like ways in whatever fancy university you’re shipping yourself off to,” he stated, one side of his mouth quirking up to form a smirk.
Ocean scoffed, but decided to let it slide just this once, “I’m sure you’ll find a girl around the same time I find a guy, I know for a fact you’re ditching Uranium like I am as soon as possible.”
Turning back to spy on Constance’s meeting, she missed Noel’s smile drop slightly. He coughed awkwardly, putting a hand in his pocket as he murmured something along the lines of finding Ricky and Mischa.
Ocean nodded in recognition, her head in the clouds as she thought about what he said to her, causing her nerves to calm about her current lack of romance.
It was only a matter of time until she found a guy that interested her - what other possible could there be after all?
-
Ocean had just entered her senior year at Saint Cassian’s catholic school, ready to take on the world. She had a perfect grade average, with shining reviews from her tutors, and an extensive list of extra activities that have awarded her a full ride scholarship out of her small town and towards a prestigious future where she will never have to look back at her past - everything was going according to plan.
So, when she was called into Father Marcus’ office during study period, the small girl could only wipe her sweat stained palms against her uniforms long, plaid skirt as she anxiously wondered why she was requested.
The choir had no performances for a good few months due to early exams, and no one she was in charge of supervising has acted out - so, she automatically thought of the worst possible scenario’s as she rapped her knuckles against a hollow, wooden door.
Hearing the invitation to come in from the familiar voice of the choir conductor, Ocean slowly pushed her way into the office - shocked to find another student in the room that she didn’t recognise.
“Ah! Ocean, it’s lovely to see you - thank you for taking the time to come here,” Father Marcus had greeted, his voice kind as the man poured a sugar packet into a flask of strong coffee.
“Of course Father Marcus, is there anything I can help with?” Ocean had asked in her usual peppy tone that was saved specifically for teacher interactions.
The older man had nodded slightly before gesturing to this mystery student, running his left hand over his balding head as he tried to explain the situation.
“As you have noticed, we have a transfer student here at Saint Cassian’s… Now, usually we don’t allow new students to come into senior year this late into the academic term, but unique circumstances have allowed an exception. I was hoping you would show her around,” Father Marcus said, expectantly watching the space between the two.
Leaping to fill her responsibilities, Ocean nodded quickly before turning to face this stranger, a hand extended in greeting.
“Welcome to our school. I’m Ocean-“ The final part of the sentence died in her throat as she made eye contact with the student.
It was another girl, at least two heads taller than Ocean’s five foot two frame. She had bright viridian green eyes that had speckles of gold embedded into her iris. Her skin was as pale as a porcelain dolls, with no imperfection in sight - emphasised by curly blonde locks of hair framing her face with a fringe and long bob cut, without a single fly away in sight.
The morning sun had streamed through the gaps between Father Marcus’ blinds, lighting up the room to give this mystery girl an almost heavenly aura, and by god, did she look other worldly in Ocean’s eyes.
Snapping out of her trance, the ginger-haired girl gulped before carrying on with her introduction, suddenly feeling a lot hotter than she did when first entering the room.
“…Ocean O’Connell Rosenberg. It’s nice to meet you, I hope you’ll be fine with me showing you around.”
The girl smiled in response, reaching out to shake Oceans small pale hand before softly whispering.
“Nice to meet you, I’m Penny. Penny Lamb.”
-
After giving a not so grand tour of the school to Penny, they had compared schedules to discover that they had most of the same classes, which eventually led to Penny joining Saint Cassian’s choir when the forced proximity had caused the girls to nudge past the line of basic acquaintanceship.
This was a surprising, but not unwelcome change to the small groups final year before graduating. Penny had fit in well, as if she was the missing puzzle piece to the gang of misfits that had helped all of them ‘click’ better.
Ocean watched in astonishment as Penny first became fast friends with Mischa, the girl having listened patiently to the many stories he had to tell about Talia whilst asking relevant questions, that established her as a good listener.
Penny then quickly got along with Ricky, taking the time out of her day to learn the basics of sign language for when he relied less on his AAC device - leading to the pair having an extensive chat history of cat memes sent back and forth as their main form of online conversation.
She then got to be one of Noel’s favourites in the choir when they both discovered their mutual fascination of poetry. At the start and end of every club session, Ocean could catch them leaning over their matching poetry anthology books, discussing the meaning behind every word written.
Penny then eventually got onto Constance’s good side. The two girls originally hadn’t had anything to talk about until a certain habit had bridged the awkward gap between them: Penny’s seemingly infinite knowledge of animal facts, which had originally startled the choir, but now they all found it to be an endearing trait of the girl - especially Ocean.
She couldn’t place her finger on it, but seeing Penny integrate herself into Ocean’s found family had caused an odd fluttering in her heart.
Paired with reddened cheeks whenever they were in close proximity - which was an often occurrence now that the two had switched to seats next to one another in all their shared classes, allowing them to pass notes to each another when the situation was ideal.
By a certain point, Ocean had started getting concerned she was sick with an indescribable illness - an illness that was only triggered whenever she was near the other girl for whatever reason. However, her decision to ignore these signs had caused them to increase by tenfold, prompting the ever so observant Penny to start bringing in an extra flask of tea to their first period algebra-twelve class, in concern that the transition from autumn to winter had gotten Ocean stuck with the common cold.
This action was a nail in the coffin, releasing a final symptom of flustered stuttering. She couldn’t believe it then, how had she, Ocean O’Connell Rosenberg - the reigning class president, master at debate tasks, and the number one go getter in Uranium, be reduced to a confused, stammering mess from a simple gesture of kindness?
This question had kept the ginger-haired girl up late at night, clutching a soft blanket against her chest as she stared up into the darkness of her painted ceiling. Running through the issues in her head, Ocean had been brainstorming for answers for at least a good two hours by now.
Butterflies in her chest… Flushed cheeks… Lack of her usual, coherant speech…
Widening her eyes, the idea appeared in her brain in a quick moment, as if someone had been holding it back with a rubber band until it snapped.
She couldn’t believe it - all those books she’s read, describing a feeling she thought was made up, and the many rants about crushes she heard Constance exclaim from the start of their childhood to present time.
The answer… It was hiding in plain sight all this time.
She had a crush on Penny Lamb.
-
This revelation had been earth-shattering to Ocean to say the least, prompting her to actively avoid all choir members in school - excusing herself by claiming that she was swamped with exam preparation’s.
Everyone had taken to the news differently as she sent off a text to their choir group chat, announcing she’d be absent in favour of studying for her AP art history test taking place tomorrow.
Mischa had replied with a simple thumbs up emoji, Ricky had wished her luck revising - understanding the struggle of the subject, having taken it as an option the last academic year, Noel sent off a quick ‘we won’t miss you’, and Constance had texted a sweet message stating they’ll miss her presence.
Everything seemed fined, everyone replied as she expected them to, well, almost everyone. There was a lack of response from Penny, unnerving the straight A-student slightly. The newest addition to club had taken to a very caring role within the friendship group - usually going to the extremes to make sure everyone was alright. On this day though, Penny seemed to skip past Ocean’s predictions by leaving her text on read.
It shouldn’t annoy her like it does, but Ocean found herself checking her phone every few seconds for a notification from the girl as she scuffed the heel of her shoe against the library floor, pouting when she saw there was none.
After many minutes of this cycle, she sighed in defeat, deciding it was best to actually get on with her work - causing her to flip to the chapter of her textbook she had missed reviewing for a second time in favour of spending Monday after school at the Blackwood cafe with the choir - all six of them stuffed into a booth, causing Ocean to become bright red as her body pressed against Penny’s.
Cringing at the memory, she barely registered the squeak of a chair being pulled back next to her as a person sat down in the isolated corner of the Catholic schools library.
“If art history has you looking like that, then I have no hope of passing tomorrows exam,” an angelic voice that enchanted Ocean during choir practice had pulled her out of her reverie, causing the girl to quickly look over to the familiar presence.
“You’ll be fine Penny,” Ocean stated with a soft smile that showed the dimples in her cheeks that not many people knew she had. “Wait, aren’t you supposed to be in choir right now?” Ocean then questioned, raising one carefully plucked eyebrow.
Penny shrugged at that, dropping her backpack to bring out her notes and a black ballpoint ben. “They’ll survive without me. Besides, I’d rather be here studying with you.”
Ocean swallowed, trying to disguise the surprise that shocked her body, in a small disbelief Penny would choose her presence over the others. Shaking her head slightly, she remembered to calm herself - ‘remember to think logically’, has become a commonly used phrase in her head whenever Ocean was near Penny.
Penny wasn’t her because she preferred Ocean, she was here because she preferred to study instead of sing during seventh period.
“Ah, I suppose it’s a good idea to get some more revision in before tomorrows test after all.”
Penny was quiet after she stated that, watching with a neutral expression as Ocean sketched over certain artwork prints with a small graphite pencil in order to properly annotate the given source. It seemed as if she was going to say something, but after the silence kept growing, Ocean decided that it was once again, all in her head. Though, that didn’t stop her from messing up her revision notes as soon as Penny reached over to grab a highlighter. Startled once again by her lack of self-control, Ocean grumbled as she searched through her pencil case for an eraser, only to freeze when a familiar, ghostly pale hand offered her one.
Smiling, Ocean gratefully took it, ignoring the burning sensation from the brush of her skin with Penny’s. “Thank you,” She had shyly stated, looking at the little penguin shaped eraser given and wiping away her mistake, careful not to accidentally break off it’s little beak.
“You know…” Penny started in a tone that Ocean immediately recognised. “Penguins often have courtship rituals like humans, the most common one being giving a gift to their desired partner. Personally, I find it to be a very cute concept… Especially knowing that around one fourth of a penguin population will carry out this courtship ritual with a penguin of the same gender.”
Ocean’s mouth felt dry, as if she swallowed a pack of cotton balls after not having drunk anything for ten days. She couldn’t formulate a proper response in her head as she wondered whether this fact shared had a special meaning Penny was trying to hint at, or, if it was just something she had heard in one of her animal conservation documentaries. In the end, Ocean could just about choke out a small, “Oh?”, mortified with the knowledge that she was most likely blushing a bright vermillion.
With some fraction of panic setting in the back of her brain as Penny carried on with her schoolwork, Ocean concluded that her crush will be a lot harder to hide than what she originally had thought - especially after Penny insisted Ocean keep the little penguin eraser when the bell rung to indicate the end of the school day.
-
Miraculously, after that close call, Ocean had gotten a small rest, thankful that winter break had started at the very end of that week.
Most of her time at home had been reading behind her locked bedroom door, but by the nearing end of December, she had gotten antsy as her eighteenth approached. In all honesty, she didn’t plan anything - but after befriending the choir, nothing surely wouldn’t do in their eyes, causing her to be dragged out to an ice skating rink fifty-six minutes away from their rural town, leading to Ocean clinging to the wall support as if her life depended on it.
“Ocean, as much as I love torturing you, this is just sad - even Mischa is beating you,” Noel commented, skating up from behind her, showing off with every bit of grace as he pointed to Mischa, who was calmly skating a lap next to Ricky, the other boy taking fairly well to the mobility aid designed to allow him to join the choir on the ice.
Rolling her eye’s Ocean stuck her tongue out with him - she may be an organised person, but she was in no way coordinated. “Don’t be mean Noel, this is Ocean’s first time on the ice,” Penny had argued from behind her, the taller girl had been intent on sticking by Ocean and guiding her for their session.
Noel raised his hands up in defeat, looking between the two, smirking and skating off - leaving a perplexed Ocean and a softly blushing Penny.
“I’ve never seen him back down so quickly - I’m impressed,” Ocean stated, chuckling as she watched Noel skate to Constance only to trip over.
“It’s a special skill, you’ll get it one day,” Penny teased, placing a gentle hand on Ocean’s waist. “But for today, our focus is to get you moving on the ice.”
Ocean made a small face at that, her left hand still holding onto the support barrier so tight that her knuckles had turned white.
“I feel like we have made enough progress already.”
“That’s because Mischa forcefully planted you into the rink to get you started, you’ve barely moved an inch.”
“Everyone has their weaknesses?”
“True, but I won’t let ice-skating be one of yours.”
Penny chuckled, using another hand to take Oceans - leading the shorter girl closer to the middle of the rink whilst talking her through specific motions. Ocean nodded along, and after a few minutes she seemed a lot less likely to face plant into the frozen floor below.
Chuckling, Penny had realised her hold of Ocean’s waist, causing the ginger-haired girl to panic slightly and blurt out, “Don’t stop holding my hand, I need some form of support in order not to undo our progress.”
Penny smiled softly before replying, “I’ll be here to support you, always.”
“Always?”
“Always.”
That was the final straw, looking into Penny’s eyes as Ocean realised that this was no longer a crush… She had fallen in love with her.
-
Without any great ideas to fix her predicament, Ocean had taken to avoiding going on her phone or as much as possible - as, if she were to see a notification from Penny, she would undoubtedly text back within the first few seconds of seeing the other girls message.
This method had been working past her birthday, but there was one fatal flaw - the inability to see other peoples texts as well if she’s avoiding her device in general and not only Penny’s contact. Thus, leading her to where she is now, holding a tin of baked gingerbread men outside of Constance’s house for her best friends New Years party that started three hours ago - which she only found out about, two hours ago.
Lifting her hand to ring the houses doorbell, she waited for a few seconds before the door swung open to reveal Ricky, who smiled as soon as he recognised her and signed a small greeting.
Ocean smiled back, trying her best to sign back - she was still learning sign language, and as Penny had been the one helping her, having picked it up very easily, that meant Ocean recently hadn’t gotten her biweekly tutoring sessions on the topic.
Stepping in as the door was opened further, Ocean set down the tin of house-warming treats as she looked round Constance’s living room. Upbeat music that wasn’t typically on their local radio show was playing, leading her to the conclusion that Noel must have bought his collection of Vinyl records for the party.
Looking towards the kitchen, she saw Mischa and Constance talking as they created various fizzy drinks, laughing occasionally.
“You know, if we keep accidentally matching our outfits, people may start believing we tolerate each others existence,” A familiar voice spoke up right beside her, causing Ocean to startle slightly as she faced Noel. He wasn’t wrong, her flowing green dress was a direct colour match to his glittery top, causing the shorter girl to roll her eyes.
“Heaven forbid that happens,” She replied, a small smirk gracing her face as he playfully hit her shoulder - the two of them having grown to have a sibling relationship, something which they would deny until the day they died.
“Some of us were convinced you would be a no show,” He commented nonchalantly, but Ocean knew him well enough to know that this would lead to something. “Especially Penny - poor girl looked like a kicked puppy waiting at the door for you.
Ocean narrowed her eyes, her gaze flickering around the room to try find the mentioned girl. Noticing this, Noel was quick to carry on speaking, “You’re trying to find her?”
Ocean huffed, “Was it not obvious?”
He shrugged, reaching past her to grab a drink of the table close to them.
“I’m just saying, you seemed pretty intent on cold shouldering us until the new year at least.”
Ocean shrunk slightly, a tension spreading across her neck. “I don’t know wha-“
“I’m calling bullshit on that.”
“Language, Noel.”
He chuckled, unsurprised by her words, before leaning down close to her height to whisper his next words.
“I have known you since we were four years old, and we both know you are shit at lying,” he smirked. “And I won’t say it outright, but all of the choir have at least sensed something going on,” he said with a slightly kinder tone than he usually used with Ocean, whilst choosing to not mention how the small group had placed bets on when Penny and her would finally stop ignoring the obvious.
Ocean’s cheeks were a pale pink as she looked at him in slight disbelief, but Noel didn’t wait for her to catch up to the moment before stating, “She’s hanging out on the balcony at the end of the hallway… You should go to her.”
Ocean nodded before looking towards the direction that would lead her to Penny, her finger twitching with a need to pull open the stairwell doors and run up the stairs.
“You should too,” she mentioned, causing Noel to look at her suspiciously. “To him I mean,” she pointed at Mischa, causing Noel to look away slightly flustered.
The boys had been circling one another since the Ukrainian had broken up with his online fiancé, and though Ocean’s senses seemed to be deactivated whenever she was around Penny, she still noticed their budding romance.
“It’s funny, all this time I had been looking for a boy when I should have been looking at girls - I guess the opposite is true for you?” She said, her voice low as she listened to herself confess this for the first time.
Noel looked back at her, tilting his head to prompt Ocean to stop procrastinating go find Penny, ending their conversation with a simple tease, “I guess I beat you at one thing in life, I figured out my sexuality way before you did.”
-
Ocean had stepped away from the heat of the choirs small party, shivering slightly as she felt the cold wind of the night brush against her.
“Penny?” She said, immediately spotting the other girl under the glow of the moonlight and shattered starlight.
She hadn’t seen the girl in a few days, and Ocean would secretly admit that this has greatly affected her mood - wishing that every activity she had done was in the company of Penny. But, as she stepped close to lean against the railing, Ocean’s mind was completely wiped blank as she witnessed the serene expression on the taller girls face.
Penny was dressed in cuffed, beige cigarette trousers and a fancy shoulder-less blouse with intricate embroidered flowers on the sleeves, a sight that Ocean wasn’t sure she was worthy enough to see.
“I was half convinced you weren’t coming,” The taller girl stated, her eyes flashing with an unrecognisable emotion as she turned to face her.
Ocean shyly shrugged, pulling on the sleeves of her dress.
“I’ll always make time for the choir.”
Ocean had stated it so easily that she didn’t catch the meaning behind the phrase if it was paired with her noted absence to group activities.
Penny frowned, leaning a bit more against the small balcony’s railing - a few minutes passed of a comfortable silence, both of the girls thinking about one another whilst staying completely unaware of what was to come.
“You’ve been ignoring me, haven’t you?” Penny asked, her voice clear.
“What do you mean? I… I’ve just been busy,” Ocean replied a little too fast as she felt her heart rate spike.
A second later, Penny chuckled before standing to her full height, looking down at Ocean with a soft expression.
“You don’t need to lie with me Ocean - I just need you to be honest about your reasons,” She paused to take a small inhale of the cold night air. “After that… I promise I’ll leave you alone.”
The final part of the sentence had caused Ocean’s eyes to widen with worry, her mind thinking of anything she could have done wrong. Why would Penny even mention such a horrible prospect with such a stable, understanding tone?
“Penny - why would I want that, you’re my friend,” Ocean exclaimed, nudging closer as she looked into those green eyes she’s grown to adore. Freezing from both the cold and Penny’s presence, Ocean held her breath as the girl raised her right hand to cup her freckled cheek - the small bit of intimate contact releasing butterflies in her stomach, causing her hands to shake slightly.
Penny had been quiet as she took Ocean in, her eyebrows furrowed. “That’s the problem.”
“Wait, what?”
“…The majority of courtships in the animal Kingdom end as soon as the recipient of the advances shows signs of discomfort and disinterest.” Penny muttered, her eyes downcast.
Ocean couldn’t believe her ears - surely, she wasn’t overthinking again? This had to mean something. Before overbearing thoughts prevented her from asking, she took the plunge, her voice shaking.
“You’re interested in dating me?”
Penny let out a small laugh. “Was it not obvious?”
Ocean didn’t reply, she couldn’t - no matter how hard she tried, she appeared to be silent, something which Noel would surely describe as only short of a miracle, but in this moment, it was a tragedy waiting to happen if she couldn’t get her act together.
Penny’s smile dimmed, watching Ocean’s reaction and forming the meaning behind them on her own, taking her hand back, leaving Ocean’s cheek subject to the winters frost of near midnight.
“…I shouldn’t have assumed you would be okay with me liking you and for that… I’m sorry - I never meant to make you uncomfortable,”
And with that final sentence, Penny had turned her back in order to go inside to join their friends for a New Years countdown, only to be stopped by a small hand snatching hers. “…Ocean?”
“I haven’t been avoiding you because of the reasons you stated,” It came out rushed but she had stopped beating round the bush for the first time after she met Penny. “It’s actually the opposite-… I’ve been avoiding you because I feel the same way.”
It was Penny’s turn to be silent in shock now as Ocean started pacing back and forth, getting more and more frantic as she kept spilling on truths - as, of course the moments of unspoken words from the past had built up to slap Ocean in the face the moment she let one hidden phrase slip past her lips. She couldn’t help it, as the one clear thing in her brain had been the basic understanding that Penny liked her too, allowing the rest of her opinions to be unleashed.
“I mean, I didn’t understand it at first. I actually had never even considered that I was… Into girls,” She started, running her hand through messy locks of hair. “I was expecting for everything to go with my plan in life, I’d get out of this stupid town and have my success story somewhere else, there, that’s when I expected to encounter romance for the first time. But then you show up, and I’ve never been so confused about my own feelings before in my entire life.” Ocean ranted, now wrapping her arms round her waist as she looked away from Penny’s all consuming stare.
“But I know now, and it’s daunting to say the least… But Penny, I never wanted distance from you - I kept a distance in belief I could reverse what is set in stone. But I can’t, because it has become very apparent after my realisation that I am head over heels in lo-“
And at that, Ocean’s words were stopped by Penny - the taller girl gently taking ahold of Ocean’s wrists and leaning down to softly brush her lips against Ocean’s.
It was sweet - everything in Ocean’s life had been powered by a strong fire, kindled with determination and endless spirit - but it’s different with Penny. Penny was the girl who had brought a gentle breeze that influenced the over-thinking mind of Ocean, the girl that even after all those moments of panic, had installed a much needed rest into Ocean’s life. She is a reminder that Ocean can slow down and appreciate the present instead of waiting to take the reigns on her future.
So, when she pulls back, unsure of what comes next - Ocean cups Penny’s cheek and brings her closer again with the feeling of honey in her veins and a different kind of blaze set alight in her heart, calming her like no other sensation could.
“Tell me this is real - That we won’t go on pretending like we aren’t aware of what we are to each other. Promise it,” Penny had whispered, desperate to get the final confirmation, as if her actions weren’t enough of a guarantee. But Ocean doesn’t mind, she smiles as she looks into Penny’s eyes - a window to the girls soul that allows Ocean to see right through her, just like how Penny see’s past all the defences Ocean had put up in her life. Both of the girls effortlessly ignored the fireworks that had risen into the night sky, and the shout of ‘Happy New Year!’ muffled by their friends inside - they were too wrapped up in each others presence. And with that, Ocean doesn’t hesitate, she doesn’t second guess herself - she has never been more sure of something in her life as she whispers, “I promise.”