Work Text:
Shang Qinghua had a problem.
That problem was called Shen Qingqiu.
Shen Qingqiu was a character in his novel. He was an irredeemable villain, human scum, absolute filth.
The issue was, he originally was supposed to be a redeemable villain. No, an antihero. Actually, the main character of his novel!
You see, the story began with Luo Binghe’s perspective. Like any novice author, he wanted to be clever. He wanted to set himself apart from all those cliched face-slapping, level-stomping, overpowered stallion novels. So he created the character called Luo Binghe to be the most face-slapping, most level-stomping, most overpowered protagonist of all time. He was an eight-pack totting and ten inch baton wielding hunk that couldn’t walk more than ten steps without coming across a naked woman or twenty-thousand year spiritual ginseng root.
The only stone he ever tripped over in his life was the vicious, scheming Shen Qingqiu. If Luo Binghe was the sun, then Shen Qingqiu was the moon. Whatever came easily to Luo Binghe, Shen Qingqiu had to trick and fight and steal to obtain. Luo Binghe had a red carpet laid out in front of him, while Shen Qingqiu had to claw his way up. Luo Binghe was the inheritor of both heavenly and demonic bloodlines, while Shen Qingqiu was the slave who quite literally stabbed the former Heavenly Demon king in the back to sit on a stolen throne. Luo Binghe was destined to reclaim his throne by wielding Xinmo, the ultimate control stick of the world. As an illegitimate usurper of the throne without either of the demonic or heavenly bloodlines, Shen Qingqiu would physically combust if he ever unsheathed the weapon.
But if his outline was to be read, his readers would discover that the protagonist was actually Shen Qingqiu, not the face-slapping Luo Binghe. In fact, Luo Binghe was designed to be the final boss. This was actually a world built for Shen Qingqiu.
Then twenty chapters into his webnovel, something unexpected happened. His novel actually hit the top ten rankings list and his bank account gained two zeroes. Not that it was that impressive given his bank account started out with two zeroes. But this was a big deal for him! And well, his supposed parody actually became the most outrageous stallion novel of all time. It wasn't long after that the epic rug-pulling reveal he intended was wiped from existence.
When he one day saw a hate comment on his novel under the name Xiuyaupthebutt, he was stunned, but he didn’t overthink things.
However he kept seeing this ID on every chapter, religiously following his story. Then things became even weirder. He mentioned something that had only taken place in his outlines.
Xiuyaupthebutt was Shen Qingqiu. Not crazy fan role-playing the character Shen Qingqiu, but the fourth-wall breaking character of his novel. And the most terrifying hero cum villain, cunning strategist, vicious grudge bearing protagonist had somehow discovered his fate at the end of his life. Who then would he bear a grudge against most other than the cowardly author of this tragedy he lived in. And this villain was after him.
He didn’t have time to even question just how he managed to get a hold of the novel or cross borders between worlds. His QQ was a 200IQ genius and well, because Shang Qinghua was a fly by the seat of his pants author, he never got to outlining just what made him a 200IQ genius. This was the story of how he became stuck in indentured servitude and forced to write out exactly what Shen Qingqiu wanted. Which meant he needed to write two 20k word chapters, one for his audience and one special side story for his VVIP reader Shen Qingqiu, before tomorrow morning while somehow preparing for his midterm exams.
Shen Qingqiu wanted to change his fate through the hand of Shang Qinghua. In theory, Shang Qinghua had no need to obey to his demands. Unfortunately, without anticipating his golden finger could be used as a threat in this fashion, Shang Qinghua had unwisely given Shen Qingqiu the equivalent of a nuclear bomb, which meant he could instantly delete half the world and end the story with a bang at a moment’s notice.
His top earning story, the pinnacle of his career thus far could end with a single sentence chapter:
Chapter 232.
Then Shen Qingqiu unleashed Xinmo, allowing the heavenly and demonic forces to uncontrollably clash within his unstable constitution and destroy the entire cultivation realm, killing everyone including Luo Binghe—the end.
Right in the middle of wife #42 plot! Luo Binghe would be in the middle of papapa-ing a fox demon when heavenly tribulation fire burned them both to a crisp.
FUCK! What kind of ending would that be!
He’d be forced to sheepishly pretend he was tired of writing and wanted to end it there, blue-balling his readers forever.
His premium subscribers would curse him to the high heavens! The spit from their curses alone would be enough to fill the Atlantic Ocean and drown him thrice over. They would doxx, stalk, and murder him! His negative karma from being cursed at too much would collect and he’d be reincarnated to a grasshopper in the next life. If he was lucky.
And now that tyrant was blackmailing him into retconning his dog blood story to the whims of its evil protagonist. Caught between acceding to the demands of a terrorist or an explosive ending to his series…he may or may not have tried writing Shen Qingqiu out of the story.
Except Shen Qingqiu, the genius of course, anticipated this outcome. He actually prepared a plant body for himself so that when a rift of the Endless Abyss spontaneously opened beneath Shen Qingqiu’s bedroom without warning, he had a backup body. He even took advantage of it to order Shang Qinghua to fake kill him so he could escape the curse that shackled him to the throne and prevented him from ascending. He then had Shang Qinghua help him clear his bottlenecks to bypass six cultivation levels directly to the heavenly realm. In a single day.
Ah! A cheat! A huge cheat!
Shen Qingqiu's first condition thereafter was that Shang Qinghua no longer specify his actions, allowing him full freedom over his life. His second, was to trap Luo Binghe in the mortal realm forever, never to ascend.
Shang Qinghua rubbed and rubbed and rubbed the area between his brows until his forehead was two shades lighter than the rest of his face. In the end, however, he met the demands and considered the matter settled.
One day, he said something strange.
Xiuyaupthebutt: What have you done to Liu Qingge?
airplaneshootingtowardsthesky: huh
Xiuyaupthebutt: Don’t play dumb.
airplaneshootingtowardsthesky: This writer is stupid, so um, can you explain just what I’ve done?
Shang Qinghua cursed in his heart, knowing that Shen Qingqiu loved it the most when he was deprecating himself.
Xiuyaupthebutt: Liu Qingge. What’s wrong with him?
airplaneshootingtowardsthesky: dunno? what do you thinkswrong with him
Xiuyaupthebutt: He’s following me around everywhere with a dumb look in his eyes. Ever since I kicked him out of the way of a hydra-headed whale boa python so he wouldn’t keep multiplying them and accidentally prolonged his dog life, he keeps trying to give me lost fans. I mark all my fans with an invisible sigil between the third and fourth folds near the guard. He’s lying. None of the ones he found are mine.
…Of course he did. Then again, Shang Qinghua did write him to be paranoid. Might have something to do with the fact he grew up as the only human in a court of heavenly demons.
The difference between the two characters was thus. If Shen Qingqiu used a bolt fashioned from a sunstone to kill it in one strategic strike, Liu Qingge once killed a hydra-headed whale boa python by chopping its heads off so many times its circulatory system couldn’t support the needs of those newly spawned six hundred and fifty two heads anymore. Since the blood wouldn’t circulate fast enough, it died from asphyxiation. It should be mentioned that Liu Qingge discovered this method by accident. It should also be mentioned that in his favor, hitting something until it died pretty much always worked for him.
As for the fans? Shang Qinghua had no explanation.
airplaneshootingtowardsthesky: maybe after seeing a familiar face post-ascension gave him a bit of nostalgia and he wanted to revisit the good old days????
Xiuyaupthebutt: We had no good days. So you still think you can delete me from the novel. What did you have him put on those fans? That idiot isn’t smart enough to poison them himself. You must have done something.
The next day.
Xiuyaupthebutt: Did you really think you could kill me? I thought we were past this.
He really thought so too.
Xiuyaupthebutt: Liu Qingge. He gave me spirit-sucking star-hyacinths and called them roses. Soul-bonding roses. They aren’t even the same color.
airplaneshootingtowardsthesky: so....where did he get them from
Xiuyaupthebutt: Madame Meiyin that shrew. She must have wanted to bind my soul to Liu Qingge’s so she could kill him and override the protections I placed on myself. Just know that even if you tie his life to mine and have him killed, I have ways of reflecting the damage onto someone else. Sadly for her, this Liu Qingge was too much of an idiot and found the wrong flowers.
A week later.
Xiuyaupthebutt: Was this the best you could do?
Shang Qinghua was exhausted. He couldn’t keep up with these events at all. Rather than uselessly insist on his innocence only to be scolded by Shen Qingqiu for four hours straight, he dully accepted this injustice. Really, why was Shen Qingqiu more naggy than his great-aunt at holiday reunion? He spiritlessly and emotionlessly typed in his DMs.
airplaneshootingtowardsthesky: I was wrong.
Xiuyaupthebutt: A vacation with Liu Qingge to the demonic beaver birthing grounds to go fight monsters together? Such an unconvincing excuse to plot my demise. At least your attitude is improving.
After one month.
Xiuyaupthebutt: This idiot would get himself killed in an instant without me. It must be by your illogical hand that he’s still alive. Bonding his soul to mine was the best way to keep an eye on him. Keep him safe. It’ll inconvenience me if the damage gets reflected onto me.
Two months later.
Xiuyaupthebutt: At least he’s useful for playing fetch with.
…
Xiuyaupthebutt: Sleeping in the same room together so he can ambush me? How could you be so foolish, Shang Qinghua? That’s exactly how I stabbed the Demon King in the back and killed him. How could the same trick work on me? Let him sleep on the same bed if he wants. Just see if he dares stab me.
…
Xiuyaupthebutt: Having Liu Qingge gift me a demon beaver from the birthing grounds? That’s actually smart Shang Qinghua. If I grow comfortable with its presence, I might let down my guard enough for it to strike. You’ve improved.
Then, he was silent for a long time, giving Shang Qinghua the time to focus on building Luo Binghe’s harem in the demon realm. He was papapa-ing his way through the demon ladies and kakaka-ing the heads of the demon lords. He had just arrived in Mobei-jun’s territory and they were on wife number six hundred. None of his readers seemed to have noticed that the villain Shen Qingqiu disappeared from the paper thin plot.
Six months later.
Xiuyaupthebutt: A wedding. The most extravagant, auspicious wedding you can possibly imagine. You know what I want. You have three days.
Forehead six shades lighter and fingers worked to the bone, Shang Qinghua sighed, looked at his six digit bank account to strengthen his heart, and got to work.
One year later.
Xiuyaupthebutt: Give me a chil—
Shang Qinghua slammed the laptop shut and rolled over in his bed. But he couldn’t suppress his curiosity and peeked again.
Xiuyaupthebutt: Of course, Liu Qingge will be the one carr—
Slam! The morning. He would write it in the morning. In the end, he was too scared not to. There was…nothing shameful about admitting that. He rolled over into bed again and drifted off to sleep. And so, he missed the rare bit of goodwill from the stingy Shen Qingqiu, who was in an abnormally good mood post-year long honeymoon to various monster birthing grounds. After all, one way or another, the murderous hack author was their matchmaker, or so he believed. Too bad Shang Qinghua never finished reading the postscript. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have been so surprised when he woke to the chill of icy air and a low voice.
“Are you the so-called god of this world?”