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Chapter Text

The summer sun sparkled on the water like something out of one of his mother’s favorite romantic movies; it danced and undulated as though it were welcoming Luo Qingyang ( Mianman, he reminded himself) and her suitor to a particularly glamorous party. And, well, judging from the look on Wei Wuxian’s face, being ferried down a river in a gondola steered by their hapless PA while he and Mianmian sipped cocktails under a parasol that was being held aloft by their least objectionable intern might actually be the most glamorous he had ever felt. 

“We made the right call choosing him to go on the boat date,” Jin Guangyao murmured. 

When no reply from his fellow producer was forthcoming, he glanced over to see Wang Lingjiao staring at her face in a makeup compact mirror. She appeared to be comparing the shading on her eyebrows, which was uneven, as Jin Guangyao could have told her, because her microblading was uneven and no amount of expensive tinted brow gel would conceal that. It didn’t stop her from trying though. He cleared his throat once and then again louder when she didn’t respond the first time. Finally, she snapped the compact shut viciously enough that he wasn’t sure the mirror would actually survive it and barked, “What?”

He bit back a sigh. She‘d been handpicked by Wen Ruohan to fill the open producer role while he’d spent years interning at JinTertainment and later working as a PA on several shows for its parent company, Wen Reality. This season’s Bachelorette theme, Bachelorette: Family Feud had been his idea; he’d sold it to the executive producers (his father and his father’s rich friends) as a way they could get some exposure for their marriageable offspring, most of whom were trying to be Instagram influencers, models, or “funtrepreneurs.” 

In practice, it was his one shot to prove his value as a producer, something Wang Lingjiao and her contemporaries would never understand. He pasted on a sugary sweet smile and said, "The date looks like it's going well so far, don't you think?"

She made a sound that was halfway between a scoff and a growl and went back to doing her makeup. Meng Yao put his headphones back on and waited for the date conversation to get interesting, which it did. Just…not in the way that he’d hoped. 

“Wen Ning, do they pay you extra for doing stuff like this? Surely steering a gondola is outside of normal PA duties.” Wei Wuxian lifted his glass as though toasting Wen Ning, who looked frozen in between his direction to keep the bachelorette and her suitors happy at all costs and Wen Ruohan’s scathing, invective-laden speech to the production staff that they that “should be invisible” and he “doesn’t pay editors to crop you idiots out of shots.” 

Fortunately, Mianmian seemed to find his cheerful determination to engage with the help charming as opposed to twee. She also lifted her glass and clinked it with Wei Wuxian’s. “Indeed! To Wen Ning and A-Qing. Thank you for making such a lovely afternoon possible.” 

Well, fuck. That was actually pretty cute. Maybe he’d have some usable footage after all. Even A-Qing, who was sweating under her sunglasses and wide-brimmed hat, looked a little touched. 

Wei Wuxian dangled his hand in the river, for a moment looking like he was thinking about playfully splashing Mianmian. Then his smirk faded into a softer smile that Jin Guangyao thought might even look sad with the right lighting. They had the right lighting.

“This reminds me a little bit of where A-Cheng and I grew up,” referencing his adoptive brother who was also in the competition. He was one week younger than Wei Wuxian and volatile, but in an unfiltered sort of way that Jin Guangyao expected would make him quite appealing to viewers. He’d already started preparing a pitch for making him the next Bachelor. 

Jin Guangyao snapped back to attention. While his mind had been wandering into next season, Wei Wuxian’s story had wandered from cute tales about swimming lessons into childhood tragedy territory. 

“I don’t know what would have happened to me if Uncle Jiang hadn’t found me. I’ll always be grateful to him and the Jiang family. I’m grateful for that time on the street too though; I don’t have a lot of memories of my parents, but I remember that they were kind and they were generous. Even in hard times, my mom was always doing her best and my dad was always making her smile. 

“I think, if I hadn’t had to struggle a little bit, I might not have held on so tightly to those memories and I’m glad I did. I hope they’d be proud of the person I’ve become.” 

Mianmian looked close to tears by the time he was finished, although Wei Wuxian himself still had that soft, sad smile. Jin Guangyao, meanwhile, was trying to wrap his head around someone describing being younger than six and living on the streets as “a little bit” of struggle. Out loud, he asked Wang Lingjiao, “Do you really think Wei Wuxian should be introducing his tragic backstory this early in the season?” 

She huffed, “Who cares?” Jin Guangyao had to bite his tongue to keep from reminding her, you should. Wei Wuxian is your candidate. If Wang Lingjiao wanted to play favorites with her assigned suitors instead of backing the ones that might actually win, that wasn’t really his problem. 

Inexplicably, Wang Lingjiao kept talking. “Wei Wuxian is dead to me ever since he showed up ChaoChao at that dumb archery thing.” 

Ah, yes. That would do it. The previous week’s group date had been an archery paintball match and Wei Wuxian had thrown himself in front of MianMian after one of Wen Chao’s shots went wide and almost got paint all over her dress. The editing team was having a field day with it. 

Fortunately, Wang Lingjiao didn’t seem to expect him to respond, so he turned his eyes back to the monitor and watched as Wen Ning steered the gondola to the dock the production team had set up. It was adorned with flowers and fairy lights, plus a small table for two where MianMian and Wei Wuxian would eat a light dinner before they went back to the resort. 

As Wei Wuxian helped her out of the boat, MianMian took the opportunity to slip a rose into his hand. He rewarded her with a beaming grin and Jin Guangyao made a note to make sure they got a close up on the moment. Wei Wuxian might be blowing his candidates out of the water, but he was also making good TV. 

Week 4 - Rose Ceremony

The lights dropped low in the luxurious entry hall at the resort as MianMian descended the stairs illuminated by a single diffused spotlight. She’d changed into a peach-toned floor length gown reminiscent in style to the sundress she’d worn on her date with Wei Wuxian. 

He stood at the edge of the group of hopefuls, his date rose woven neatly into his braided hair alongside his trademark red ribbon. 

Slowly, MianMian began to distribute roses. 

“Lan Wangji” 

“Jin Zixuan”

“Nie Mingjue” 

“Nie Huaisang” 

The two brothers exchanged a grin.

“Xiao Xingchen”

“Li Jinghui” 

“Wen Xu”

There was a long pause as Qin Su, the show’s host for the last couple of seasons, indicated that there was only one rose left.

“And…Wen Chao” 

Shocked murmurs began to rumble from the group of suitors and Wen Chao pumped his fist (the one holding the rose) in celebration and the three suitors that didn’t receive roses began to say their goodbyes. 

Well, two of the three. Su She⏤a distant cousin of the Lan brothers⏤tore off his lapel mic and threw it to the ground before stomping out the front entrance and down the long drive of the resort. 

Intimate Interviews

Wei Wuxian, 24
Software Engineer

I guess I'm surprised she didn't keep Lan Xichen longer? I mean, he's certainly handsome and very kind. 

I'm not surprised at all that Lan Zhan is still here though. He's definitely the most attractive guy, plus he's crazy smart and hilarious. I wouldn't be surprised if he wins the whole thing. 

[Cut to footage of Lan Wangji solemnly shaking hands with his brother as they say their goodbyes. For a moment, it looks like Lan Xichen will go in for a hug, but then he thinks better of it.]

I can’t say that I’m sorry to still be here. I had a wonderful time with MianMian. Who wouldn’t? She’s gorgeous and funny. I am sorry that she sent A-Cheng home though. I’ll miss him and I would have liked to see them give each other more of a chance. He’s going to make a great husband for someone one day.

[Cut to a montage of Jiang Cheng moments: him yelling at Wei Wuxian, him shaking off a hug from Wei Wuxian, him tackling Wei Wuxian into the pool at the resort, and fade out on slow-motion footage of Jiang Cheng covered in paint from head to toe and bellowing at someone off-camera - presumably Wei Wuxian.]

Next week on Bachelorette: Family Feud - the Bachelorette and her suitors hit the road, or rather, the skies! Will the guys be able to keep their cool on the hot hot sands of Santorini? 

Chapter Text

Wen Qing was going to kill someone. She hadn’t decided yet if it was going to be one of her cousins, one of the producers, or Wei Wuxian. 

“If you wait long enough, Wei Wuxian might get himself killed, so that’s one off your list.” She had made the mistake of voicing the thought out loud and the annoying intern they’d assigned to help carry her medical supplies had apparently decided that was an invitation to converse. She didn’t deign to respond, except with a glare, which just made Xue Yang grin at her. 

The thing was, he wasn’t entirely wrong. Ever since they’d found out that the Santorini daytime group date was going to be a beach hike with optional cliff diving, Wei Wuxian wouldn’t shut up about how he’d competed in the Red Bull World Series twice and it would have been three times if he hadn’t broken three ribs and partially dislocated his pelvis a couple of months before the previous year’s competition. It was making some of the crew and a couple of candidates nauseated and most of the other candidates were taking it as some sort of dick-measuring challenge. 

“Jiggy was a little worried that Wei Wuxian was playing his tragedy card too early, but it kinda seems like he’s a goldmine of tragedy.” Xue Yang was still talking and Wen Qing couldn’t tell him to shut up, because he was carrying several thousand dollars of medical supplies up a fucking mountain. 

She sighed and gave in. “Does Jin Guangyao know that you call him Jiggy?” 

“How’s he going to stop me?” Xue Yang giggled and Wen Qing tried not to flinch. He wasn’t the worst intern they’d ever had, but he was definitely the most unsettling to be around. Still, she’d take competent and creepy over polished and stupid any day of the week. 

An incongruity stuck in her mind and before she thought better of it, she asked, “Isn’t Wei Wuxian one of Wang Lingjiao’s candidates? Why would Jin Guangyao care about his progress?” 

“Jiggy cares about everything that could make him look bad. Or make him look good, I suppose. Wang Lingjiao only cares about getting rich and getting knocked up.” 

Wen Qing despaired at the slowly dawning realization that she was going to have to give Xue Yang a positive performance review. They needed more staff that actually noticed what was going on around them and they really needed staff that weren’t scared shitless of the producers. 

If the producers got used to people other than her telling them ‘no’ every once in a while, maybe they would hire an actual psychologist instead of making her play double duty. No amount of “I’m an internal medicine physician applying to surgical fellowships” would convince her uncle or any of his lackeys that she couldn’t cover all of the bases health-wise for the cast and crew. 

If she was being honest, it usually wasn’t too bad. The candidates tended to treat their “intimate interviews” like therapy sessions, which relieved her of the responsibility of listening to their problems and trying to recommend coping strategies that they were going to ignore. There was always at least one Wei Wuxian per season, the daredevil that put himself in as many improbable and perilous situations as the production could provide. About half the time, that person would end up too injured to continue and half the time they’d be completely fine. Still, after a couple of years working on the show to save up money for Granny and A-Yuan, she was pretty sure there wasn’t much they could throw at her that she couldn’t handle. 

And, of course, as soon as that thought crossed her mind, her second-worst cousin tried to push Lan Wangji off of a fucking ledge. 

He covered it by saying, "Careful, it's slick there," and pretending that he was trying to keep Lan Wangji from slipping instead of shoving him toward the edge. Lan Wangji skidded and dropped to his knees, but managed to gain enough traction to stop before he hit the edge of the path and the steep drop into the ocean below. Crisis averted. 

Except that Wei Wuxian had launched himself forward to haul him away from the cliff ledge, which he did , but the momentum he generated pulling Lan Wangji to safety meant that he slid straight off the edge himself. 

“Wei Ying!” 

Lan Wangji grabbed him by forearm just in time to prevent him from becoming a Wei-Wuxian-colored smear on the rocks below and Wen Qing filed away the question of Lan Wangji using his personal name for a day when she didn’t have to worry about saving his idiot life. 

“Aha, Lan Zhan, be careful! Don’t worry about me. You can just let me go and I’ll kick off and dive into the water.” 

“DO NOT LET HIM GO, LAN WANGJI!” Wen Qing wasn’t sure what her face was doing, but whatever it was made Xue Yang go pale and scurry off to find a place to set up their supplies. Fortunately, by this point, some of the other candidates had noticed that there was a situation and wandered over to make themselves useful. Nie Mingjue and Zin Zixuan helped Lan Wangji pull Wei Wuxian up and then helpfully marched them right over to the triage area that Xue Yang and A-Ning had set up. 

A quick glance over her shoulder confirmed that Camera Guy With Mullet (as opposed to Camera Guy With Frosted Tips and Camera Guy Who Owes Wen Ruohan Money) had captured the entire ordeal and was also preparing to film the first aid. That was annoying, but ultimately fine since her contract included a requirement that her face be blurred if she was ever on camera. It was also inevitable, since Mianmian was a trained EMT; in true Bachelorette fashion, she came running up in her sports bra/tank top combo and athletic skort and insisted she be allowed to help. 

Because she was a “team player,” Wen Qing texted Jin Guangyao and asked, Mianmian’s going to get to showcase her EMT skills on LWJ or WWX. Which one do I throw at her? 

The response came so quickly, she wondered if he’d already been preparing to text her himself. LWJ obvs. Fan fav, frontrunner, and he’s mine.  

Wen Qing rolled her eyes, but sent back a singular K in acknowledgement. Assuming the conversation was over, she was a little startled when her phone buzzed again.

Your brother went to film school, yes? For two years before his health took a turn?

It was an innocuous enough question given that this was publicly available information. Except nothing with Jin Guangyao was innocuous. She couldn’t think of a way to avoid answering and she had two bleeding, self-sacrificing idiots to take care of before she talked to Mianmian about how to kick her cousin off the show without pissing off her uncle, so she just answered  yes - why?  

The answer she got back wasn’t exactly comforting ⏤ Don’t worry about it ⏤ but Xue Yang picked that moment to come up and ask, “Do you think there’s any way we can get one of the guys to bleed a little on Mianmian’s skort? We’ve got a product placement thing going on.” 

Week 5 - Rose Ceremony

Mianmian stood on the beach with the very cliff Wei Wuxian almost fell from silhouetted in the background. She was framed in such a way that it was almost believable for the decorative candles spread out around her to be providing the halo of light surrounding her. Her gown this evening was a satiny gray with sequined floral designs. It had been chosen to be reminiscent of the color of the skort she’d worn earlier in the day, before that skort had gotten mud and a little bit of blood on it. 

Mianmian gave the assembled candidates a tremulous smile. “Thank you all for coming on this journey with me. I know you all know by now that I didn’t give out a group date rose due to all the chaos earlier today. I want those of you that stepped up to know that your efforts have not gone unacknowledged. 

“For some of you, your journey ends here tonight, but know that I am forever grateful for the time we spent together.” 

The first flower went to Lan Wangji, followed by Wei Wuxian, Nie Mingjue, Jin Zixuan, Li Jinghui, Xiao Xingchen, and Wen Chao, going last for the second week in a row. 

Mianmian approached Wen Xu and gave him a hug. “I know accidents happen, but I’m looking for a partner that will be careful with my heart and with my future children.” 

He nodded in understanding as she stepped away. Jin Zixun stepped forward, presumably for his own hug, but Mianmian sidestepped him with a little nod and said, “Have a safe trip home.” 

Intimate Interviews

Wen Xu, 27
Crossfit Enthusiast 

If you can’t take the heat, you can’t take the heat. 

[Cut to footage of Wen Xu putting the other candidates through a grueling crossfit workout. Nie Huaisang hovers in the background, hiding behind a potted tree and sipping a mimosa.]

Plus she said that thing about future children. Bi- uh, women who are baby crazy aren’t really my thing. 

Nie Huaisang, 24
Avian Rehabilitation Specialist

[Nie Huaisang twirls his one-on-one date rose between his fingers, seemingly lost in thought]

Oh, I had a lovely time on the wine tasting tour with Mianmian. I’m very glad I’m still here. I’m a little sorry to have missed all the excitement on the group date though. 

[Cut to a shot of Mianmian in her outfit from the group date standing on the cliffside with the wind blowing her hair back. Her skort ruffles in the breeze and we see it’s smeared with mud and a little bit of blood from when she leaned in close to bandage Lan Wangji and Xue Yang bumped into her] 

Do I think anyone had malicious intent? Well I wasn’t there, so I don’t know. 

[Cut to a shot of Wen Xu staring straight at the camera] 

I really don’t know. 

[Cut to footage of security escorting Jin Zixun from the premises. Fade out on footage from the group date of Jin Zixun kicking Wei Wuxian’s backpack off the cliff while the other guys are helping him up] 

Next week on Bachelorette: Family Feud - the Bachelorette and her suitors head to Mainland Greece for a traditional wrestling group date with a twist! But that’s not the BIGGEST twist coming up. 

Chapter Text

Personally, Xue Yang thought they should have let Wei Wuxian try to dive off the cliff. If he makes it? Good TV. If he doesn’t? Great TV. 

He might be a little more pissed about the whole thing, but Doctor Wen let him take his break early so he could jump in the ocean to try to catch a shark, so he’d let her have this one. 

Plus, he was about to make great TV anyway. He sidled up to Wang Lingjiao and whispered, “You should do it now.” 

Her fake-ass eyebrows shot sky high. “Jin Guangyao said to wait until the next rose ceremony.”

Jin Guangyao also knew that she was really unlikely to follow directions and he’d promised Xue Yang a sick bonus if he could pull this off. “Yeah, but his brother’s here now and you can get more screen time if they’re both here. Plus, tomorrow’s group date is oil wrestling. Do you really want him rolling around getting all sticky in oil with a bunch of gross dudes?”  

They weren’t that gross. Xue Yang was actually pretty excited for the oil wrestling date. He’d be even more excited if Wen Chao wasn’t there. 

He watched Wang Lingjiao watch Mianmian hand Wen Chao the last flower and then hug Wen Xu goodbye. She muttered, “Fuck, no. I’m doing it now.” 

Xue Yang grinned. “That’s the spirit. Fuck what Jing Guangyao says.” 

If anything, that seemed to make her more certain. Her eyes narrowed and she returned his grin. “Fuck Jin Guangyao.” She squeezed Xue Yang’s arm, a little tighter than he would have preferred, but he grit his teeth and kept smiling. If this worked, he’d never have to see her again. “Okay, Yangyang. Make sure they keep rolling. I need thirty seconds to change.” 

He looked her up and down. Yeah, she probably didn’t want to make her television debut in booty shorts and a tied up shirt that definitely belonged to Wen Chao. She was probably going to swipe one of the gowns that Mianmian had vetoed for that night’s rose ceremony. Whatever. Not his problem. 

He nodded and shook her off to go talk to Frosty, which was the group's moniker for the cameraman with the frosted tips who shot most of their night stuff. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her whisper something to Wen Chao and then disappear into a production trailer. 

“Hey.” When Frosty didn’t acknowledge him, he kicked him in the shin. “I said ‘Hey.” 

Frosty eyes got wide, but he didn’t move, probably worried about fucking up the shot. “Ow, you dick. What was that for?” 

Xue Yang pointed to the beach, where the group was getting ready to disperse. “Get a little closer and keep shooting. You don’t want to miss this.” Frosty was still looking a little butthurt about his leg, so Xue Yang said, “If you don’t fuck this up, I’ll tell Jiggy you helped and get you a bonus.” 

Frosty kept glaring, but he moved his shit closer to the rose podium and kept the camera on. “How did a little freak like you even get this internship?” 

Xue Yang stuck his tongue out. “Maybe my application was just that good and I’m the next Scorsese or some shit. Maybe I’m Jin Guangshan’s coke dealer. Who can say?” 

His application probably would have been good, if they’d made him fill one out. 

He caught movement out of the corner of his eye that he was pretty sure was Wang Lingjiao waving a scarf in the air. Nice subtle signal. Wouldn’t want to leave any question about who wears the pants in that relationship after all. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He didn't want to miss anything. 

Whipped as he was, Wen Chao didn’t waste a single second. He loudly cleared his throat and proclaimed, “Mianmian, I’m sorry, but I cannot accept this rose.” 

Because he was a team player (and because he had seen at least one reality show before), Wei Wuxian gasped dramatically and put his hand on Lan Wangji’s arm. Nie Huaisang had produced a fan from somewhere and was waving it in front of his face like he was trying to stave off the vapours. 

Mianmian, also a team player, widened her eyes in shock that mostly passed for real and let her jaw drop. You would have had to be looking really closely to see that she did it because the corners of her mouth kept trying to turn up. They could edit around that though. She reached out and took his hand, guiding him back in front of the podium. “What’s going on?” 

Wen Chao took a deep breath and puffed out his chest. “I can’t accept this rose from you, because the truth is that I’ve fallen in love with someone else.” He looked behind him and extended his arm straight toward Frosty. “Jiaojiao, could you please come out here?” 

Wang Lingjiao sauntered past the camera and out under the several dozen lights that were set up, narrowly avoiding catching the hem of her dress on one of the candles that didn’t do shit except look romantic. Xue Yang could see immediately why Mianmian didn’t wear the dress; it probably wasn’t even one of the top three options. It was black with one long sleeve and some drapey satin fabric that looked classy as fuck. The drapey fabric was only half the dress though; the other half was literally underwear, or whatever word they used for underwear when it was trying to be classy. Lingerie? That sounded right. 

Wen Chao’s eyes bugged out a little bit, but he didn't skip a beat. As soon as “Jiaojiao” reached his side, he wrapped his arm around her waist (making sure his hand landed on the underwear side) and said, “Mianmian, I would like to formally introduce you to Wang Lingjiao. She’s a former producer on this show and she’s my future wife.” 

Xue Yang had no idea how they were going to edit this. It was totes a villain moment, but Wen Chao probably wouldn’t get a villain edit because his dad was the big boss. Then again, a villain edit would be tough anyway because the whole cast was being really supportive - they were all clapping and cheering and even Mianmian looked moved. 

They were probably just glad to finally be rid of Wen Chao and Wang Lingjiao, but they were really selling it. 

It took another twenty minutes or so for everything to die down and then about an hour to pack up their equipment and head back to the hotel. Wang Linjiao and Wen Chao disappeared as soon as there was manual labor to be done, but most of the other guys stuck around and helped at least a little bit. 

Xue Yang volunteered himself to break down the medical tent alongside Xiao Xingchen. Wen Qing gave him a look that said she knew exactly what he was doing, but she steered her brother and A-Qing over to talk to Jin Guangyao, ostensibly about Wen Ning’s new responsibilities now that Wang Lingjiao was leaving. Out of gratitude, Xue Yang actually did pack up her equipment while Xiao Xingchen folded the table and chairs. 

His phone buzzed. You’ve MAYBE got five minutes. Do not do anything stupid enough to get caught. 

He grinned and looked over his shoulder at Xiao Xingchen, who had taken off his suit jacket and rolled up his shirtsleeves. He texted back, no promises. sayin ud miss me jiejie? 

The response was immediate. I believe the response you were looking for is “Thank you, DOCTOR WEN.” 

He laughed. Too easy. Thx boss. 🩺👑🥰

“What’s got you so gleeful?” Xiao Xingchen had noticed him looking at his phone and had come over to where he was standing⏤ the back corner of the tent, helpfully out of view from anyone who happened to glance in from the outside. 

“I just like this job. Bosses don’t suck. Doing something different every day.” He rested his hand on Xiao Xingchen’s back and lightly scratched his nails down the expensive fabric of his shirt. Xiao Xingchen shivered in response. “Plus, it comes with some pretty sweet perks.” 

“It does?” Xiao Xingchen kind of sucked at flirting, but he was getting better. The little lilt to his voice was cute. 

“Yeah, it does. For example, tomorrow, I get to watch a bunch of hot nerds roll around on the ground covered in olive oil and wearing nothing but leather pants. Don’t worry, yours are vegan.” 

He knew that Jin Guangyao was actually planning to film a couple of segments using the vegan leather as a plot point. If nothing else, it made the show look good to make a big deal out of respecting candidates’ moral stances on shit like eating animals. 

Xiao Xingchen hummed, a little higher pitched than normal. “Hm. That’s a relief. I must say, I’m a little nervous for the wrestling aspect of the date. I don’t have much experience in that area.” 

Was this flirting? If it was, it was next level. Xue Yang let his hand slip down Xiao Xingchen’s back until it was resting on his belt. “Is that so? Well, it just so happens that I was a wrestler in high school. I could show you some moves if you’d like.” 

Xiao Xingchen’s eyes went a little wide. Maybe he hadn’t been flirting? Or maybe he was having buyer's remorse. “Is that fair to the other contestants?” 

He didn’t sound like he was opposed, so much as he sounded like he was curious. 

Xue Yang shrugged, using the small movement to pull Xiao Xingchen a little closer. “Nothing about this show is fair.” He laughed softly. “Kind of like life.” 

“Well, in that case⏤” Xiao Xingchen delicately rested his hand on Xue Yang’s hip, one fingertip brushing the sliver of exposed skin where his t-shirt had ridden up. “I would appreciate any wisdom you have to offer.” 

Okay, Xiao Xingchen might have game. Xue Yang swallowed down any bitterness in the back of his throat at the idea of him using it on that Mianmian chick. If he wanted to get married and settle down with a white picket fence and 2.5 kids, that was none of Xue Yang’s business. He smirked and murmured, “I’ll see you in your room twenty minutes after curfew.” 

Xiao Xingchen’s breath hitched and he leaned closer to Xue Yang, who met him halfway. Their noses brushed; Xiao Xingchen’s breath tickled his cheek; then Xue Yang’s fucking phone buzzed and they sprang apart. 

Xue Yang mouthed “tonight” at Xiao Xingchen, grabbed his phone, and slipped out of the tent. A quick glance at his screen confirmed it was Doctor Wen, who was glaring at him from about twenty yards away. I cannot believe I’m even doing this, but get out of there. JGY is on the move. 

He winked at her, then texted, gonna steal u a worlds best boss mug.  

Technically, Jiggy was his boss, but Jiggy couldn’t give him orders if he couldn’t find him, and Xue Yang was willing to bet that he wasn’t going to be looking in Xiao Xingchen’s hotel room.  

Intimate Interviews

Wei Wuxian, 24
Software Engineer

I’m happy for them, of course. It was pretty romantic actually. Plus, it’s good that they came clean to Mianmian as soon as they knew it was serious. 

[Inaudible question]

Oh, I haven’t heard much about them pitching their own spinoff show. I thought it was just a rumor. If it’s a real thing, I’d watch it for sure. 

Lan Wangji, 24
Musician 

Their display was…in poor taste. 

[Cut to Wang Lingjiao leaping into Wen Chao’s arms and kicking over some candles in the process. Wen Chao picks her up caveman-style, runs down the beach and throws her into the water. Fade out on a bedraggled Wang Lingjiao standing in the surf and shouting, with subtitles that read “I wasn’t even on fire!”]

Title Card: Jiaojiao Loves Chaochao - coming this fall!

Chapter Text

Huaisang couldn’t decide if he was more grateful that he got the solo date during their stint in Greece and thus got to skip out on the hiking (ew), cliff diving (double ew), bloodshed (triple, quadruple, quintuple eww), and oil wrestling (hmm) or if he was more grateful that he was still allowed to attend the oil wrestling as a spectator. 

There had been some debate about whether or not he was allowed to sit in the stands with Mianmian or whether that would constitute another date. She obviously didn’t want to sit by herself, but her options were a bit limited. In the end, newly minted producer Wen Ning made his first strategic contribution when he suggested that Huaisang could watch with the production staff and Mianmian could sit in the stands with some girlfriends. If they’d had more time in the shooting schedule, it sounded like they would actually have flown some of her friends out for the group date (they certainly had the money for it), but since they were on a tight schedule, the girlfriends in question were Doctor Wen and the snarky intern. 

Snarky intern was reveling in every second of the group date. Since she was technically an audience member for this, the other intern was serving cocktails and she was blasting through hers and snapping her fingers at him for more. The cocktail serving intern was the one that Huaisang had nicknamed Jailbait in his head (both because he was rather young, and because his conduct all but guaranteed that he was literally bait for any jail in need of convicts to fill it). Normally, Huaisang would have been a little worried about him acting out, maybe dumping his tray of drinks on Snarky Intern or something equally chaotic, but at the moment, he seemed a little too interested in Xiao Xingchen’s shirtless, oil-covered chest and the veins standing out on his biceps to really react to much else. A quick glance at Snarky Intern told Huaisang that she saw it too. 

Shame. Xiao Xingchen was definitely going to the top four; he would have maybe even been a frontrunner for top two, but that would never happen now. Judging from the look on Jailbait’s face as Xiao Xingchen slipped out of Da-ge’s attempt to pin him, whatever they had going on, it wasn’t ending anytime soon.

Huaisang nudged Wen Ning with his shoulder. “Your sister cleans up nice.” Someone on the production staff had gotten her into a red sundress with little white flowers on it for the approximately 90 minutes it was going to take to film all of the oil wrestling. She’d put the fear of god (or at least the fear of her) into all of the wrestlers before it started and they’d all solemnly promised to avoid any injuries that would necessitate medical intervention. Her concern wasn’t so much the integrity of the sundress as it was the knowledge that Meng Yao and Xue Yang would love to get footage of her wading into the mud and oil in her dress like some sort of battlefield angel.  

At Huaisang’s comment, Wen Ning’s face had taken on the appearance of a deer in headlights, probably frozen between agreeing because he loved his sister and being grossed out because ew, that’s his sister. Huaisang liked Wen Ning, so he threw him a bone. “And the snarky intern is really milking it. I think she’s made Jailbait run up and down the steps six or seven times.” 

Wen Ning hummed an agreement at at. “Hopefully he’ll be too tired to cause trouble tonight.” He didn’t sound all that hopeful. 

Huaisang thought about it for a moment and then decided, fuck it. Wen Ning’s job was hard enough. He deserved whatever intel he could get. “Actually, I think if he’s tired, it just means he’ll make Xiao Xingchen do all the work.” 

Wen Ning grimaced. “I was really hoping I was imagining that.” 

“Yeah, not so much. I’m pretty sure there’s a hickey next to Xiao Xingchen’s left nipple and when Jailbait was setting down the camera bags earlier, his shirt rode up just enough that I saw some scratches.” If he was being honest, Huaisang was impressed, and a little jealous.

“At least we don’t have to worry about him starting something with A-Qing. She’s still in school and he’s already a bad influence just as her coworker.” Wen Ning kept his eyes on the wrestling and his voice down, though Huaisang saw him glance at Jin Guangyao a couple of times. 

Good. He’d been paying attention then. If by some miracle, Jin Guangyao hadn’t already figured out that one of the contestants was banging an intern, they weren’t going to be the ones to tip him off. 

“I have a feeling that if he were going to go for one of the ladies, it would be your sister. His taste seems like it skews older.” 

Wen Ning looked fairly queasy at the suggestion, but he nodded. “Ugh, you’re right and I guess it’s one more reason to be grateful for Xiao Xingchen.” He chewed his lip for a moment, then said, “It seems like they work well together though. Do you think he looks up to her or am I just wishful thinking?” 

“Well, you’re not seeing something that isn’t there. She’s maybe the only person on set who can handle him. Well, except for⏤” He smirked and Wen Ning rolled his eyes. “But that’s an altogether different kind of handling.” 

Wen Ning squeezed his eyes shut for half a second, then opened them again and said, “I think there’s probably some sort of workplace ethics reason to stop talking about our intern’s personal life, but since I can’t articulate it right now, I’ll just level with you that I desperately need to change the subject or there won’t be enough brian bleach in the world to save me.” 

Huaisang laughed, maybe harder than he had the entire time he’d been on the show so far. Everyone that thought of Wen Ning as a meek, little underling that got lucky had clearly not been paying attention. Huaisang pitied them; they sure were missing out. “Okay, Wen-xiong, fair enough. So, who’s your frontrunner?”

Counting himself, Wen Ning actually had more contestants left standing, but Huaisang wasn’t counting himself, so right now he and Jin Guangyao were neck and neck. He knew that Dage was Jin Guangyao’s frontrunner, which was unfortunate for both of them, since he and Mianmian seemed to have next-to-no chemistry. 

Wen Ning sighed. “I’m really not supposed to be discussing this with a cast member.” 

Huaisang scoffed. “Oh, please. We both know that I’m not anywhere near the front.” 

“I don’t know. You might have a decent shot at third or fourth place.” Wen Ning gave him a little Mona Lisa half-smile and Hauisang didn’t even try to mask his horror. 

The next Bachelor was almost always the third runner-up. If that wasn’t Dage, then Huaisang absolutely wasn’t sticking around to see if it was going to be himself (or worse, if he would win ). “Don’t you dare wish that on me, Wen-xiong.” 

Wen Ning chuckled. “Fine. My frontrunner right now is Wei Wuxian. He and Mianmian get along really well and their one-on-one date was the most cinematic, even with Wang Lingjiao producing it.” 

“Interesting. You’re not worried about the Lan Wangji of it all?” Lan Wangji was a certified smokeshow and he seemed to vibe with everyone and no one all at the same time. 

Of course, of all the ‘no one’ he was vibing with. Wei Wuxian was the most ‘no one’ of them all. Huaisang was having a really good time on the sidelines. 

Wen Ning’s lips quirked. “I want nothing but the best for Lan Wangji. I was lucky to get him as one of my contestants. That said, I don’t know how happy he’d be if he actually won and had to deal with all the press and attention. Actually, the only thing I can imagine him wanting less is to not win and end up the next Bachelor.” 

“Real shame, since he’s a shoo-in. You know, if you swapped him and Wei Wuxian, it might work out a little better for both of them.” 

Wen Ning nodded, his eyes going a little distant as he thought about the idea. “Wei-xiong would actually make an excellent Bachelor.” 

Huaisang tactfully refrained from pointing out that he’d gone from ‘Wei Wuxian’ to ‘Wei-xiong,’ in a matter of sentences. 

Week 6 - Rose Ceremony

Mianmian shone in the low light, her rose gold dress giving the impression that she could actually be glowing. Holding the platter of roses, Qin Su stood next to her wearing a pink dress that was a few shades brighter and looking a little nervous. 

Miamian raised her chin and smiled, projecting enough confidence for both of them. “This first rose is going to someone that showed us, not only quick-thinking and heroism, but empathy and kindness. Lan Wangji, will you accept this rose?” 

Lan Wangji bowed his head in acknowledgement, then strode forward to accept the flower. In the background, Wei Wuxian beamed. 

He beamed even more when he was offered the next rose. 

Li Jinghui, looking faintly surprised and more than a little intimidated, accepted the third rose and Nie Huaisang took the fourth.

Finally, Mianmian looked over each of the three remaining suitors and addressed them one-by-one. 

“Jin Zixuan, it’s no secret that we’ve known each other since we were children. With that being said, I would like to invite you to continue on this journey with me, not as my future husband, but as my friend.” 

Jin Zixuan’s face was a mixture of excitement and relief as he enthusiastically agreed and stepped to the side without a rose. 

Mianmian looked at Xiao Xingchen and Nie Mingjue. “You both acquitted yourselves well in the challenge today and I’m grateful to have been given the time to get to know you. I only have one rose left and I’m going to offer it to the person with whom I feel a stronger connection. 

“Xiao Xingchen, will you accept this rose?” 

Intimate Interviews

Nie Mingjue, 32
Personal Trainer

To be honest, I’m a little relieved not to be going to Hometowns week. My family is just me and my brother, so there wouldn’t have been much to do in the way of show-and-tell unless she wanted to come to the gym and meet some of my clients. 

Huaisang definitely didn’t need to be so dramatic.

[Cut to footage of the rose ceremony immediately after Xiao Xingchen accepts the last rose. Huaisang takes off his lapel mic, throws it to the ground, thrusts his rose into his brother’s hand, and storms out with a swish of his jacket]

Wei Wuxian, 24
Software Engineer

Am I excited for Hometowns? Of course! I can’t wait to go back to Lotus Pier and show Mianmian around. 

I just wish we were all going on the hometown trips. I’d love to see Xiao Xingchen’s organic farm and meet Li Jinghui’s crazy grandmother. And obviously I’d love to see where Lan Zhan grew up and meet his uncle. It kind of sounds like we wouldn’t get along since he’s pretty strict and old-fashioned, but I think anyone who raised Lan Zhan must be pretty great.

Lan Wangji, 24
Musician

Wei Ying said that? 

[Cut to footage of Wei Wuxian excitedly running up to Lan Wangji and comparing roses with him, completely oblivious to Nie Huaisang throwing a tantrum several yards away] 

Well, he is correct. He and my uncle would not mesh well. 

[Cut to footage of Wei Wuxian and Nie Huaisang playing an elaborate game of Slapjack where the loser in each round has to take a shot of tequila or do ten pushups]  

Still, it would be nice to see Lotus Pier one day. Wei Ying says it is beautiful. 

[Fade out on Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji sitting by the resort pool watching the sun set] 

Next Week - hometowns!