Archive of Our Own

Cassandra was sleeping soundly, as she had been for the past three days now. Rapunzel sat by her bedside in her old room, where they had moved her when she had nearly collapsed sometime shortly after her revival. Initially after . . . after coming back, she had seemed fine, if perhaps a bit subdued, but that hadn’t lasted long.
Though there was significant damage to one side of Cassandra’s room, the majority of it was mostly untouched, and the bed was fine, so that had seemed the most logical place to situate her.
When it had become clear that Cass was very unwell, at Rapunzel’s direction, Eugene had half guided, half carried Cass there to the sound of her occasional, weak protest, her graying second skin cracking as they went. It seemed without the presence of the Moonstone on Earth any longer, the black rock had lost it’s power and indestructibility, and by the time they had made it to her room, there were chunks of it falling off of her. It had turned out she was quite naked underneath, which wasn’t all that surprising in hindsight, but it had made for a tricky situation.
Cass could hardly sit upright on her own at that point, so while Eugene rummaged around in an attempt to come up with some pajamas, Rapunzel had worked quickly to encourage the rest of the rock to fall off, grabbing at it’s rough edges and pulling, which resulted almost every time in crumbling and dust, as the chunks that had now become rigid and brittle fell to the ground beside the bed. Rapunzel did her very best not to have to look at anything indecent, very aware of the fact that; though as her lady in waiting, Cass may have seen her naked a million times, Rapunzel had never seen Cass fully nude before. It had made her incredibly nervous, which was really quite silly, and she was quite relieved when Eugene had come over with the pajamas, and together, they had managed to wrangle her into them. Rapunzel felt even more silly for her nerves when she saw the redness of Eugene’s face and realized how much more awkward this must be for him, but both their embarrassment was short lived. As soon as they had finished clothing Cass, she had made a weak attempt to mutter something, her eyes lidded and head beginning to loll, and then she had completely tipped backward. It was a very scary thing to see. Eugene had caught her, and maneuvered her to the correct position on the bed, with her head on a pillow, and Rapunzel had tucked her in, and she had remained there like that ever since.

Over the course of the next few days, servants had swept away the remainder of her rock husk, and did their best to clean up and repair the mess on the far side of the room, all while Cass slept. It was a sleep like death, from which nothing woke her, but her vitals remained normal, that Rapunzel made sure of; as she watched her near constantly.
She did leave her side occasionally to check on her other friends and family, and help where she was needed, but aside from that, she remained with Cass, as she was with her now.

It was late afternoon, and Rapunzel watched as the dust motes played above Cassandra’s head in the glow of the warm light falling on her from the room's single window. Rapunzel occupied herself in here sometimes; reading, painting, writing, or even playing board games with Pascal, but sometimes, she just sat in silence thinking, or watching her sleep, as she was at the moment. Sometimes, she even spoke to her, or, if she was feeling really brave, held her hand.
Rapunzel wasn’t sure what had caused Cass’s coma, as she didn’t recall Eugene suffering anything like this after his death experience. So she had to assume then that it had something to do with the Moonstone, but the lack of clarity about the situation was frustrating and concerning. She couldn’t help Cass now, no one could. But Cass was strong. She had to believe she’d pull through.

Rapunzel sighed and leaned forward until she could fold her arms over the edge of the bed and lay her head down upon them. Down on Cass’s level now, she watched the line of her chest rise and fall as she breathed. She could hear her too, just barely, in the silence. It was comforting, and part of her wanted to go lay her head on Cass’s chest, but Cass had always been particular about her personal space, and especially now, after everything, that seemed like a line she shouldn’t cross.
Rapunzel wished that Cass would take a deeper breath, or twitch, or grumble, or something to show she was dreaming and her mind was still alive in there too, instead of being this sleeping statue.
Just then, Owl, one of her most frequent visitors, flew in through the open window. He landed on Cassandra’s belly, a dead mouse clutched in his talons, and tilted his head, eyeing her, then hooted softly. Rapunzel pushed herself up.

“Oh Owl, we’ve talked about this, remember? Cass can’t eat that. Even if she was awake, she wouldn’t want it.”

Owl ignored her, and after a moment of staring at Cass expectantly, he settled down into a small, round poof where he was, his eyes now lidded, and simply sat there quietly.
Rapunzel frowned and settled back down as well.
This was the third time he had brought Cass some small, dead prey item. Rapunzel knew that Owl didn’t usually do that; he knew Cass didn’t eat that stuff. But he was also a bird, and didn’t have any other way of helping her and he knew she wasn’t well.
Owl didn’t show much emotion, but this clearly had him distressed. It had been heartbreaking watching him try and interact with Cass over the last few days.

“I know Owl.”

Rapunzel murmured.

“I don’t know what to do either. I want her to wake up too.”

But as soon as the words were out of her mouth, her stomach clenched and she knew it was only a half truth. No, maybe ‘half truth’ wasn’t the right phrase. It was the truth; Rapunzel desperately wanted Cass to wake up, more than anything but . . . at the same time, somehow, she wasn’t ready.
What would it be like to look into her friend’s eyes again? Eyes of gray-green instead of electric blue? Eyes she knew? Would the Cass that woke be the same as the Cass Rapunzel had lost? Or would she somehow be someone new? What would Rapunzel say to her? She couldn’t remember the last conversation she had initiated that hadn’t somehow revolved around asking Cass to give up the moonstone and come home. Well, now she had, so, now what?
When Cass had still had the moonstone, all Rapunzel had wanted was for her to come back and be her best friend again, her lady in waiting, who was loyal and would never leave her side. She wanted everything to go back to normal. But now, a part of her, a horrible part of her she wished she could ignore, knew that that wasn’t possible. That things could never go back to the way they were. And that scared her, it terrified her. And so she was caught between a rock and a hard place; scared and worried because Cass wasn’t waking up, and afraid to face the reality of when she did. It wasn’t fair, none of this was fair.

A breeze blew through the window and rustled Cass’s hair. At least she looked peaceful. Rapunzel hadn’t seen Cass look so peaceful in a long time.

- - -

Cassandra woke slowly. The first thing she became aware of was the sensation of air moving over her face. It smelled fresh. She sucked in a deep breath, then grit her teeth, immediately regretting the action, as it felt as though her ribs hadn’t really expanded in days. Her eyes fluttered open, adjusting to the light gradually, everything blurry at first, and she tried to keep her breathing shallow.
The light was rather dim, but as everything came into focus, it looked like she was in her old room. This brought about a wave of confusion as she tried to recall . . . well, anything really. How she’d gotten here, when she’d gotten here, when she’d fallen asleep, how long she’d been asleep, what was even happening before she got here.
She was pulled from the jumble in her mind by movement on her chest, and then Owl was nibbling on her nose. It was something he hadn’t done since he was much younger.

“Hey Owl.”

She whispered. She hadn’t intended to whisper, but that’s all that came out. Her throat was dry; she needed water. She also needed to relieve herself, but the thought of getting up right then seemed like too much. So instead, she just lifted a hand and gently ruffled the feathers on top of Owl’s head.

“I missed you buddy.”

She whispered, then tried clearing her throat. He twittered at her and head butted her chin. She grinned. It felt like she hadn’t seen him in ages.
After giving Owl a bit more attention, she mustered the resolve to sit up. She pushed herself up onto her elbows, grunting, just as the sound of footsteps reached her ears, and her door opened.
Eugene stepped into her room with a sigh, pushing his hand through his hair. Pascal, seated on his shoulder, let out a squeak, his eyes wide, and Eugene looked up and froze.

“Cass! Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh, you’re awake.”

He said, then rushed towards her bed.
Then he stopped in his tracks, his expression conflicted. He abruptly turned on his heel and marched back towards the door. He halted again before reaching it.

“I really should go right away and . . .”

He turned back around, leaving the sentence hanging and walked towards the bed again, this time reaching his destination.

“Are you ok?”

He asked, genuine concern in his eyes.
Cass wasn’t sure why he was acting so strange, and she also wasn’t sure how to answer that. Was she ok? She wrapped her arms around herself and cleared her throat.

“I . . . think so?”

She said, managing a normal volume, though her voice came out rough and scratchy.

“Right. Good. ok.”

He was nodding, and then he just looked at her for a moment, and they stared awkwardly at each other in silence. Cass looked away, fidgeting with the bedspread nervously, and he spoke again.

“Uh, is there anything you need right away? Right now? Like, immediately? Anything that you can’t possibly wait like ten - “

“Yeah, I get it, Fitzherbert.”

She cut in, feeling a headache coming on. She looked around her room briefly and discovered that there was actually water, in a pitcher on her nightstand, as well as a glass.

“Hm. No um, I . . . guess not.”

She replied.

“Great, ok. Because I should really go get Rapunzel.”

Without waiting for any further response, he turned and swiftly walked out the door, leaving it open and calling over his shoulder as he left, “I’ll be right back!”

Then, she could tell by his footsteps, he broke into a run.
She must have been out a while.
The moment his footsteps faded from ear shot, her attention returned to the water. With some effort, she poured herself a glass and drank it with gusto, then poured herself another, and sipped at it slowly, staring out the open window at the golden landscape outside, bathed in the rays of the setting sun.

With a little water in her system, some clarity seemed to return to her, and memories began trickling back.
Right.
Her armor had gone with the moonstone; the rock crumbling away as Eugene and Rapunzel had helped her to her room, after she had been revived from . . . well . . . death.
Initially when she woke, all she had wanted was to help. All the destruction around them, even that caused by Zhan Tiri, was her mess, her responsibility, and likewise, it was hers to clean up. But then, the exhaustion had swept over her, and though she had tried, there was really nothing she could do to fight it. It had been as strong as any force of nature.
Specifics - details, evaded her. It seemed that between her revival and now, everything was a bit of a blur. She had died, and she hadn’t even had time to process it. In fact, she didn’t even really remember that. It had happened so fast, she honestly wasn’t even sure what had killed her. She remembered the two stones coming together and a blast of sound and light . . . and then nothing.
Was it the shockwave that had done it? Was she more damaged by it than the others somehow because she was, at the time, still encased in the black rock which was connected directly to the moonstone during it’s demise? She had no idea. Maybe she had simply been hit by a large chunk of falling debris. She would probably never know.
To think that a person - that she - could die like that; so sudden, no warning, in the blink of an eye, snuffed out with no preamble and no ceremony, no chance to even know the end was coming. And maybe after all the greatness she’d tried to achieve at the expense of others, that’s just what she deserved.

“I’m not even sure I should be here, Owl. Maybe I was meant to die. Maybe I should have stayed dead.”

She said darkly.
Owl glared at her, and she couldn’t help the slight smirk that came to her lips in response, but even the chastisement of her oldest friend wasn’t enough to ease the knot that had formed in her stomach.
She took another sip of water, then set the glass down and returned her hands to her lap, drumming her fingers on her thigh with nervous energy.
Her life was a mess, she was a mess, and she had ruined any shot she had ever had at anything and everything she had ever wanted for herself; ever held dear. On top of that, she was beat down and exhausted and had no idea how to fix any of it, most of which she probably couldn’t even fix anyway, like, at all.

She hadn’t needed to sleep, or drink, or eat while she’d had the moonstone, but that had clearly taken a horrible toll on her body. It hadn’t been good for her at all. In fact, not just that part; none of it had. All she had really done while she had it was sit around and be angry and devise horrible plans and then . . . execute them. It had been awful.
Why had she thought she liked it, why had she wanted that? But even as she asked herself the question, she remembered the high it had given her to use the moonstone’s power, the pure exhilaration, and perhaps most importantly, the numbness it had granted her to everything else.
The anger was the only thing that broke through mostly, and it had felt better to an extent, to be angry about everything, rather than sad and frustrated and hopeless. But all in all, it had been a miserable existence.
Cassandra buried her head in her hands. She wanted to cry. She was filled with shame and regret and a million other emotions she couldn’t name. Why had Rapunzel brought her back? It seemed like there was nothing in this life for her but failure and suffering.
But, then again, perhaps it was only right she face the mess she’d made. But, on the other hand, she’d been led to make that mess in the first place due to the injustice of her life.
It wasn’t fair, none of it was.

Maybe for once in her life, Rapunzel could have left well enough alone, instead of once again trying to decide everything for her and control her fate.

Cassandra heard the sound of bare feet racing down the hall and her head snapped up. She took a deep breath, the action less painful than before, and tried to compose herself.
No sooner had she managed than the Princess lurched into her room and skidded to a halt. Their eyes met, and every single thought Cassandra had been having simply left her head.

“Cass!”

Rapunzel cried breathlessly, and ran forward, diving onto the bed, and then all at once, Cassandra was wrapped up in her arms.
Eugene trotted around the corner, clearly winded, and grinned as he took in the scene. Owl was flying around the room doing loopty loops, and Pascal, who had been on Rapunzel, was now on Cassandra’s knee staring at her, and it was all so much, so she just closed her eyes tight to shut it all out, and brought her arms up hesitantly to return the hug. Rapunzel’s grip on her tightened ever so slightly and Cassandra responded, almost involuntarily, and then before she knew it, she was holding on for dear life. She was hugging Raps like she’d never let her go, she was breathing in her scent and choking back a sob, because miraculously, after everything, she had her best friend back in her arms again.
She wished this moment could last forever. She wished she’d never have to open her eyes and face reality again. She wished she could stay here like this, just love and feel loved in return, forgiven, and like everything would be ok.
But the moment couldn’t last forever, Cassandra knew that, and so eventually, she let go.

Rapunzel leaned back and took Cassandra gently by the shoulders, looking her in the eye with a concerned expression.

“Cass, you’ve been out for three days . . . well, almost four now actually. Are you ok?”

Cassandra grimaced, but she wasn’t all that shocked. Based on Eugene and Pascal’s initial reaction, even Owl’s, she had suspected something of the sort.

“Three days huh? Yeah um . . . I feel kinda rough, but overall I think I’m alright.”

Rapunzel was still looking into her eyes as if she were trying to see into her soul, and though part of Cassandra wanted to get lost in that gaze, it was starting to make her nervous.
Rapunzel slid her hands down Cassandra’s arms and then picked up her hands, holding them gently.

“Is there anything specific that hurts or doesn’t feel right?”

The action and the question combined somehow made Cassandra feel vulnerable, and once again, she found herself somewhat divided. A part of her found it pleasant, and that part almost wanted to lean into it, to bare herself a little to Raps and let her hold her, metaphorically anyway . . . and maybe literally too.
But a larger part of her found it unpleasant. She swallowed and broke eye contact, looking away to hide her discomfort. Her eyes darted around as she considered the question, fighting the urge to pull her hands back.

“It’s like . . . it’s like the feeling you have after being really sick, once your symptoms are mostly gone. I just feel . . . worn out, sore, kinda generally crappy.”

It was the best way she could describe it.

“Then I suppose there’s nothing we can do but keep you well rested and fed and wait for your body to recover. Though, maybe we should have a physician look at you just in case.”

The only thing that kept Cassandra from immediately vetoing the doctor thing was the fact that Rapunzel’s words had come out rather distantly, and she wasn’t looking at Cassandra’s face anymore. She was looking at her hand. Her bad hand. The withered one.
With all the other aches and pains in her body and everything on her mind, she hadn’t really paid attention to it. But now she did. And it was clear that with the moonstone gone, many of the ill effects of the injury had returned, albeit not as severely, it would seem.
Now she did pull her hands away.
She folded her arms, tucking the withered hand beneath one as she did so. She didn't want Rapunzel touching, or even looking at that hand.
Rapunzel closed her now empty hands into fists and held them close to her body.
She looked . . . ill.

“Cass, I’m . . . sorry.”

Cassandra knew that. She knew she hadn't meant for it to happen. It almost didn’t matter. It was about so much more than what had happened in the Great Tree that day, and even concerning those events and Cassanrda’s hand; it was less about what had happened, and more about how it had happened. The proof in the pudding of the inconsistencies between what Rapunzel said about their relationship and the reality of it.
But Cassandra had gotten back at her now, hadn’t she? Now they were more than even, so she needed to let it go.
Bitterness welled up inside of her, at herself as well as Raps, as she questioned whether she even had a right to feel upset about it anymore after everything she’d done.

“I don’t know why the incantation didn’t heal it when I revived you.”

Rapunzel said, frustration in her voice.

“There are some things that just can’t be fixed once they are broken, Raps.”

Cassandra said quietly.
Though she had been speaking of her hand, her mind had also been on everything she had broken once she took the moonstone. But Rapunzel’s expression made it clear that she had taken the meaning of those words differently. Cassandra understood why. The truth was, they had both broken things that couldn’t be fixed, but Cassandra had broken more, and she didn’t want to fight anymore, and she hadn't meant for her words to be scathing or antagonistic or hurtful. Only truthful.
Maybe for once, she should just come out and speak the whole truth - the deeper truth; face the discomfort of it.

“Look Raps, I started a war. I let my rage and frustration and bitterness consume me, and I committed to it. I broke things that can’t be fixed too, and then I was defeated. And then, for some reason, you chose to forgive me. And now, I’m not fool enough to turn my nose up at that second chance. I don’t want to fight with you anymore, in any way. I’m tired and confused and I’ve been through a lot, and I might be a little bitter here and there, but please believe me when I say that I want nothing but peace between us now, forever and always.
As for my hand; it may never fully heal. In fact, it probably won't. But, it’s not like the incantation did nothing. As far as I can tell, it stopped the spread and ended the decay . . . actively festering, or whatever it was doing. The pain is less, it’s just . . . crippled to a degree I suppose. But it is better than it was. And for that I . . . I’m grateful.”

Had she said too much? Had she been too transparent? She felt like she had just spewed word vomit and emptied her guts, and she suddenly had a violent urge to take it all back somehow.
But perhaps it had been worth it, because it seemed to have mended the hurt in Rapunzel’s eyes.

“I want that too Cass. Peace between us that is. And I’m glad you're safe, and I was able to do something for your hand at least. And I . . . I’m glad it’s over.”

They simply looked at each other in silence a moment.
Though it was calm and comfortable, Cassandra could feel the distinct absence of the closeness they once had, of the undercurrent they used to share in these looks. The; ‘Even though we’re puzzle pieces that don’t quite fit, I’m with you through and through, because I choose it, and neither of us would have it any other way’.
Because she hadn’t been there through and through, in the end. Perhaps of all the things that had been broken, that had been the worst. The thing beneath the surface, the thing never spoken, the thing they had thought nothing and no one could ever take away.
Cassandra felt it’s loss deeply in that moment. And it hurt.

“I should really go and get the royal physician.”

Raps said.
Cassandra had hoped that the whole doctor thing had been forgotten.

“No Raps, that’s really not necessary, I’m fine. Well, mostly fine. A doctor isn’t going to be able to help anyway.”

Raps began to climb off the bed.

“You don’t know that for sure Cass, it won’t hurt to try. Maybe there is something he can do, even just something to help with the aches, you never know!”

Cassandra sighed. After everything she had just said about wanting peace, she really didn’t want to start an argument, even about her own wellbeing, though that is exactly what she would have done in the past. She needed to make an effort here though. But she also really didn’t want to be poked and prodded and examined.

“Raps, I appreciate your concern and optimism, but I would really rather you didn’t get him.”

Rapunzel scooped up Pascal and began walking to the door.

“I’ll tell him to make it quick Cass; in and out.”

Cassandra’s shoulders sagged, and she resigned herself to her fate.

“Sunshine, I do agree that Cass should be seen by a doctor. But why don’t we hold off on it for now? She’s been through a lot, and you know how Cass is about people. Why don’t we just get her some food and give her some space?”

Rapunzel stared at him a moment.

“Alright.”

She responded quietly. She sounded very small.
Cassandra was sure she had never been more grateful to Eugene in her life. She caught his gaze and she hoped her gratitude showed through her eyes. His look was one of warmth and understanding before he looked back to Rapunzel.
Cassandra followed his direction and when she did, she saw a helplessness on Rapunzel’s face, and she understood.

“Hey Raps, I know you're trying to help, but you already have helped me. You saved my life, Raps. The only one who can help me now is time.
Though . . . if you really wanna help me out, you could help me get to my washroom. I’ve really gotta go, ya know?”

Rapunzel smiled and giggled and it was like a breath of fresh air.

“Yeah. I think I can do that.”

“Cool. And Eugene? If you're up for it, I think you're right, I probably should eat. Something light?”

Eugene nodded and snapped his fingers.

“I think I’ve got just the thing. I’ll just nip down to the kitchens.”

Once Cassandra was settled again and Eugene had returned with a bowl full of fruits and nuts, he, Rapunzel and Pascal bid her goodnight, with Rapunzel promising to return every few hours to check up on her in case she needed anything. Cassandra really thought that should be a servant's job, or she could have even said that she’d have Owl find her if she needed her, but she let it be. She would take her victory with the doctor situation.
Once they had left, she ate her nuts and berries and watched Owl preen on her sil. As she watched him, she recalled when she and Raps had been birds, and how free and simple and easy that had felt. And she wished she could just be a bird again.
Instead, she was heavy and troubled and . . . Lost.

- - -

Time wore on, days turned into weeks, weeks into months. Cassandra was slow to heal.
The first several days after she woke, she mostly just ate and slept, she was too tired to do much else, and staying up for too long with nothing to do just meant her mind would fill with dark thoughts.
Thankfully, it didn’t take too terribly long before she could reasonably get around on her own again, but the exhaustion lingered, and any amount of exercise wore her down quickly. Part of her problem was that she couldn’t eat much. She had gone so long without doing it that her stomach could barely handle anything. Her muscles had atrophied too.
It wasn’t as though she hadn’t kept active while she possessed the moonstone, but anytime she had done anything physically demanding it was like nothing to her, she felt no exertion at all because the power of the moonstone coursing through her veins was really what was doing it, not her own strength. And especially when she fought, she mostly used her powers, which was only mental exercise.
Cassandra had been strong ever since she was a child, so this weakness and constant drowsiness was something that made her feel trapped . . . and frightened. She hated it.
She tried to take walks twice a day; get out under the sun in the fresh air, but that was about all she could manage. But she wasn’t quite tired enough to sleep all the time anymore either, and that left her with too much time to dwell on her predicament. It wasn’t good.

She hadn’t really heard anything from the King or Queen, directly or indirectly, which surprised her. She had rather expected some form of punishment - probably a rather severe one - at least from Fredrick, even if Ariana wasn’t involved. Despite them seeming to ignore her so far, the perceived threat hung over her like a dark cloud.
Even if they somehow granted her a full pardon (which if it did happen, would most definitely be for Rapunzel’s sake), it’s not as though she would be able to find any type of employment anymore that she would be remotely interested in. And if one thing was for certain, it was that Cassandra was done doing things she had no passion for or even despised, because it was what was expected of her, or what she had to settle for. She couldn’t live like that anymore, she just couldn’t.
She didn’t know what she would do. She had no plan anymore, no goals, no path to follow, she was just drifting.

And then there was her situation with Rapunzel. And to some extent, the other friends she had as well, namely Varian, Lance and Eugene. There was a distinct awkwardness most of the time, and she wasn’t sure how much they actually forgave her - not that she blamed them - but it was tricky water to navigate. Varian, for his part, on the two occasions they’d talked, seemed to empathize with what she’d went through, but there was also uncertainty and sadness in his voice and his looks that Cassandra didn’t miss.
Despite whatever concerns, hurt, or reservations he harbored however, he did apparently want to discuss their now shared turn to darkness, but she didn’t let him; wouldn’t engage. Oh, she understood his need, but she simply couldn’t bring herself to do it. She had no desire to, the mere thought of such conversations exhausted her. She wasn’t in the place to do it, nor did she think she would ever be.
Out of all of them, Lance seemed to empathize with her the least. He still made an effort to be friendly, but she got the feeling that he saw her as unstable; that he feared her on some level still.

Eugene was . . . oddly hard to pin down. Usually what made him tick was so obvious to Cassandra, but these days, not so much. For the most part, their interactions had gone back to normal. As much as they could that is, what with her being so out of commission. But yet, he was always somehow more subdued than he used to be. There was something just behind his eyes every time he looked at her, and she could never place what it was. It was driving her mad.

With Raps, the main problem was whiplash. Their time together was fairly normal, if a bit strained now and then. They didn’t really talk much about what had happened, which surprised Cassandra. All Raps could ever say when Cassandra had the moonstone was how much she wanted to do just that; talk about it, work it out.
Cassandra supposed that now that she didn’t have the moonstone anymore, now that she was back on Rapunzel’s side again, meant that Raps no longer felt the need to talk through anything. She had what she wanted now so the issue could be dropped.
And despite the fact that that was fine because Cassandra didn’t want to talk about it anyway, that reasoning frustrated her, angered her even. And therein lay the whiplash. Salty and sweet, turmoil and peace, happiness and bitterness.

When she was with Raps, they mostly talked about the goings on of the kingdom, problem solved issues it was facing, or occasionally spoke of completely random things, and also strategize the best, most efficient ways to build Cassandra’s strength back up to where it used to be.
It was calm and friendly, and being back in Rapunzel’s presence again this way felt like summer after a harsh winter, just enjoying her company and having a semblance of their old camaraderie back. She had tried to pretend otherwise, but Cassandra had missed her so, so much.

But when she wasn’t with Rapunzel, her anger and frustration at her simmered. It was muted and resigned now, but it was still there.
It was unfortunately clear that Rapunzel wanted Cassandra to be her lady in waiting again. She hadn’t said it outright, and Cassandra was fairly certain she wouldn't because she knew it wasn’t going to happen. But she still wanted it to, and that bothered Cassandra. A lot.
Thankfully, despite her apparent desire, Rapunzel didn’t treat her like a servant these days, but Cassandra couldn’t help but wonder if that was really because she wasn’t well. If she was back to her old strength and fully capable again, she wasn’t so sure that Raps wouldn’t start expecting certain things of her, even if just out of habit. Raps had always said that they were friends, and they were friends, but true friends were equals, and she wasn’t sure Raps could ever fully treat her as one.

And then there was something else that had never troubled her before, but that she was becoming much more aware of these days, and that was that; she and Rapunzel shared very few interests. Sure, they had always shared a love of adventure, freedom, and a rebellious nature, and she supposed, horses and riding them. But with Cassandra’s weakened state, they couldn’t really engage in any of that, and most of what they ended up talking about were things that Raps was into, and Casandra often struggled to stay engaged.

All these things, all of her problems, ate at her during her time alone, and the more they troubled her, and the more she pondered them, and the more time wore on, the more she was drawn to the only conclusion that seemed to be realistic.
Cassandra was going to have to leave Corona. Probably for good.
If she wanted any kind of a life, she was going to have to start over somewhere new, there just wasn’t any other way.
At first, though there was some excitement at the thought, more than anything else, it made her sick to her stomach with anxiety for a great number of reasons. But after sitting with the idea for perhaps a week, she came to fully accept the decision, and finally, much of her inner turmoil began to fade. Not just over the decision, but over . . . everything.
She no longer had to right an impossible wrong to right, she no longer had to worry about how on earth she would make a life here. She no longer had to try to mend trust that was probably irreparably broken, and she no longer had to live with the crushing weight of other people’s expectations.
For the first time since Cassandra woke, she was grateful, truly grateful, that Raps had saved her life and given her a second chance. And she began to accept, without resentment, the way Rapunzel was.
All her naivety and the lessons she never seemed to learn, her stubborn headstrong nature and the way she always seemed to think she knew best. Her inability, Cassandra realized, to be what Cassandra needed in a friend.
Soon, none of that would affect her anymore. And with that perspective, it gave her an almost completely different view of the Princess. Suddenly, things that had always been personal affronts to Cassandra simply became traits that Raps possessed, that were sometimes good, often unfortunate, but never came from a place of ill will.
Suddenly, Cassandra understood Raps in a way her emotions had never quite let her before. She was able to make connections to the way Raps was, and the way she was raised, and for once, be truly compassionate to her faults, now that they weren’t things that were going to cause her pain and suffering anymore.
It was as though she had come full circle. From someone who had false opinions of a Princess she didn’t yet know, to a close companion who saw everything from the inside out, to someone who once again could look from the outside in, but this time with all the knowledge and experience her first self didn’t have.
And by and by, there was nothing left but fondness, and wounds Cassandra knew would finally heal.
But Cassandra knew that this tenuous balance she had managed to achieve within herself would fall apart if she lost her resolve and went back on her decision. And so, a little over four months after the defeat of Zhan Tiri, Cassandra decided it was time to tell Raps that her time in Corona was coming to an end.

- - -

It was late morning and Cassandra was in the stables with Raps, tacking up Fidella while Raps did the same for Max. The horses had been out to pasture in a rare moment of off duty for Max, and had clearly been rolling, so the girls had given them a good rub-down first.
Cassandra wondered how Max would do with Fidella gone, but she didn’t allow herself to dwell on it much.
Once everything was strapped and buckled into place, she took Fidella by the reins and called Owl down from the rafters.

“You ready Raps?”

She said in a jovial tone.

“Sure am!”

Raps replied, her voice vibrant with excitement.

“Then let's hit the road.”

Cassandra replied, and strode forward, leading the party across the stable’s threshold and out into the sunlight, accompanied by the rhythmic sound of clomping hooves.

“This is going to be a great day Pascal, I mean, can you believe it? I think this is the first time we’ve been on a picnic in . . . well, like, forever!”

Pascal squeaked in exuberance, and Cassandra grinned, wholeheartedly ignoring the task she had set for herself upon reaching their destination. For now, she was enjoying being in the moment, and what a moment it was.
The sky was a vivid, clear blue, a few fluffy clouds drifting here and there, and the air was warm and dry, the breeze fresh and cool.
As of the last few days Cassandra was finally feeling back to her old strength, now fully recovered from her time with the moonstone, and this would be her first proper ride since she woke. She felt more than ready.

As they mounted up and trotted out onto the streets of Corona, Cassandra realized that this was also the first time since she woke that she had even been outside the castle grounds. And, as they navigated the hustle and bustle of the city, she noticed she was getting more than a few dirty looks. She didn’t let it dampen her mood though; only reinforce her resolve.
Raps must have noticed the looks too, because she quickly dragged Cassandra into a conversation about a new weapons merchant that had apparently arrived in town just the day before, which wasn’t something the Princess would normally talk about or have much interest in.
While Cassandra could clearly see what was going on, she jumped into the conversation anyway because she was genuinely curious, and it did admittedly end up being a very good distraction tactic. She made a metal note to be sure to visit the merchant’s stall before he . . . or Cassandra herself, left Corona.

Once they had crossed over the bridge to the mainland, Raps looked at Cassandra with a twinkle in her eye.

“Race you to the picnic spot?”

She asked.
Cassandra wasn’t entirely sure she was up to such a thing just yet, but perhaps it wouldn’t be a bad way to test her condition, or Fidella’s for that matter . . . and it may also be the last chance she ever got to race Raps; something which had always been one of their favorite past times.

“You’re on!”

She said confidently, a determined grin on her face, and just like that, Max was off, and she urged Fidella to keep up.
Part of her wanted to win their final race together, but a bigger part of her didn’t really care; it wasn’t about winning this time.
And so, she simply reveled in the wind in her face, the pounding of hooves, and being in the saddle again. Owl and Pascal, as well as the horses for their parts, seemed to be enjoying it quite a bit as well.
To Cassandra’s surprise, she and Fidella came shoulder to shoulder with Max and Raps rather quickly.

“How are you feeling Cass?!”

Raps shouted over the wind and hooves.

“I feel great!”

Cassandra yelled back.

“Terrific! Then I’m sure you can handle it if we go a little faster!”

Cassandra laughed.

“You know I wouldn’t take a win you just handed to me!”

“Right!”

Raps yelled, her grin wider than ever and brows lowered in determination. Max pulled ahead and it wasn’t long before Cassandra and Fidella fell far enough behind that it was clear they wouldn’t win. She could at least try to make it a close call, But Cassandra was tiring fast, and pushing herself now wasn’t worth it. She needed to save her strength for the road.

She had Fidella at a walk when they reached their picnic sight, having slowed her a ways back to give her a chance to cool down. Rapunzel was seated proudly on their picnic blanket, and upon their arrival, Max struck a pose and whinnied. Fidella merely shook her mane and snorted in annoyance.

“It’s alright girl, Max may be just a hair faster, but you’re much stronger than he’ll ever be.”

Cassandra said smugly as she dismounted.
Max made a disgruntled noise as his head shot straight up, and Fidella nickered in appreciation, holding still for Cassandra as she retrieved their lunch from the saddle bag. Then, she trotted past Max, flicking her tail in his face as she did so, and he turned to follow her, ears back and a sour expression on his face.
Cassandra joined Raps on the blanket and spread the food out between them.

“Cass?”

Raps seemed oddly hesitant, and Cassandra looked at her expectantly.

“Today is the first time I really feel like I’ve gotten my friend back. Is . . . is that weird?”

Conflicting feelings welled up in Cassandra’s chest and she heaved a sigh, gazing at her Princess with nevertheless, a deep fondness overlaying it all. This was it, this was the crux of the issue, the thing that would tear down this peace she had found if she stayed.
She supposed it was time.

“Raps, there’s something I have to tell you.”

Rapunzel seemed to freeze and hold her breath at those words. But Cassandra wasn’t one for much preamble, so she didn’t keep her Princess on the hook.

“I’m leaving Corona.”

There was no exclamation, no shock, no confusion. Raps just slowly released her breath in a long, almost inaudible sigh, her whole self seeming to deflate as it went.

“When?”

Was her only question, her look soft and resigned.
Cassandra had imagined many, mostly difficult scenarios when telling Raps her decision. This was not one of them.

“One week from today actually.”

She answered quietly. Then asked

“You knew, didn’t you? How?”

Raps looked in her eyes a moment, as if searching for something, then turned her gaze to the horses some distance away, grazing.

“I’m not entirely sure. Something about you changed not too long ago. Somehow you seem a bit more nan chelant, and a bit more distant. And this . . . this foreboding came over me, this sense of grasping something too slippery to hold. And I just knew.
And I feel like that realization should have shook me somehow, but it didn’t. And honestly, after really looking back at everything, I think I know why. I almost lost you like this, way in the beginning. But somehow, some way, I managed to keep you then, and hang onto you for nearly three more years.”

Raps closed her eyes a moment. Cassandra had rarely seen her look so dejected.

“Maybe, I figured out you were leaving now because deep, deep down somewhere, I always knew this was inevitable.”

For what felt like a very long moment, all Cassandra could do was stare. For the first time since she had begun to see all the issues between them, she felt like Rapunzel was looking at the real her. Her truest self, not just a version of her. And with that feeling came the hope that a part of Raps, however small, had always seen that person, even if it was only subconsciously.

“You know Raps, every now and then, you still surprise me. Honestly, you probably came to realize it long before me, but you're right and I have also come to realize; this was inevitable. Though, I really thought you were gonna try and stop me.”

Raps smiled and shook her head.

“I’m glad you know that I’d really like you to stay, but if I somehow managed to convince you, it would only be a delay.”

She met Cassandra’s gaze hesitantly then.

“Do you ever regret not accepting that invitation to Ingvarr?”

She asked.

“No, you know, despite everything, I didn’t then, and I still don’t now. You and I are opposites in so many ways, and we’ve always clashed now and then. And . . . I’ve really never been satisfied with my life here in Corona.
But despite all the bad that happened in the end, I got to do and see some pretty amazing things as your Lady In Waiting. And I think I learned some pretty valuable lessons too.
And . . .”

Cassandra struggled a moment with what she needed to say next. She had always been uncomfortable with sappy stuff, and not very good at it to boot. But she could, and would, do this now. For Raps. So she turned her head away and let the feeling crawl up into her chest and continued.

“And I got to be your best friend. And Raps, no matter what, I could never regret that. You are, and probably alway will be, the best friend I have ever had and you mean the world to me. And I’m so sorry for all the horrible things I said and did while I had the moonstone, even when I first took it. I was angry, but I never intended to become what I became. I can’t say I didn’t mean any of it because at the time . . . I did. But none of it was coming from a pure or genuine place . . . if that makes any sense.”

Raps nodded.

“I know.”

She said so quietly it was almost a whisper.

“And thank you Cass. For . . . for saying all that. Just . . . thank you.”

After a bit of awkwardness, they moved on to talking of other things and ate their picnic, still managing to enjoy their afternoon. But, after several hours, as their latest conversation naturally came to a close and Cassandra became sore from sitting on the ground for too long, it was definitely time to pack up and head back, but she noticed Raps was lingering. Cassandra hinted several times, standing up and beginning to go through the motions, and eventually, Raps did join her in rounding up the horses and loading their things back into the saddle bags, after several failed attempts at stalling.

“Alright Raps, you ready to go?”

Cassandra asked, patting fidella after checking her girth. She received no immediate reply, so she turned around to look at Rapunzel, and found her several paces away, holding the stem of a plucked dandelion between her thumb and forefinger, it’s head full of seeds.
Cassandra watched quietly as Rapunzel tilted her head towards the sky and blew all the fluff into the wind, following it with her gaze as it flew away into the distance.

“Cass, I’m really going to miss you when you're gone.”

She said at length.

“I know Raps, I’ll miss you too, but you know, we’ve still got a whole week together . . .”

Cassandra trailed off. There were tears tracking down Rapunzel’s cheeks.
The Princess rarely cried. It was always hard for Cassandra when she did, so for a moment, all she did was look away.

“Raps . . .”

She murmured. Rapunzel hung her head, but said nothing.
Cassandra sighed and slowly made her way over to her. Then, just as slowly, she pulled Raps towards her, wrapped her up in her arms and held her close.
Raps buried her face in the crook of her neck and clung to her, her whole body shaking with silent sobs, the only sound being her sniffs here and there as she fought for breath.
Cassandra rested her cheek on Rapunzel’s head, and closed her eyes, and she cried too. For her, it was only tears that came, sedate and controlled, but the pain she felt was just as real, and just as deep.
And there, in that moment, with her heart bared not only to her Princess, but also to herself, with the end in sight and their paths so soon to part ways, she was at last fully able to admit to herself something that she had known now for a long time.
She was in love with this woman.
She had perhaps always known it, with a kind of certainty, deep in her bones, but now she knew it with clarity and conviction too.
Just as she knew with the same certainty, the same clarity and conviction, that she would leave her, and nothing in the world could keep her here.
The decision to leave Corona had been the hardest one she had ever made, but it wasn’t just a decision, it was the only decision. And Cassandra knew it was what was best for both of them in the end.

And as Raps quieted and Cassandra let go and looked into the eyes of the strongest woman she had ever known, she also knew that they would both be alright.
In time.