Chapter Text
Moments happen in life. A life wouldn't be a life without moments. They are what form it, each one a small piece of one's own puzzle. Some moments are good. Some are bad. Some are boring. Some are great. Some are terrible. Some are world shattering. But all moments make you, you.
There was one moment in Remus’s life that made him… different. It changed him. And to this day he is trying to put a descriptive word to that moment.
Because he does not know what kind of moment it was.
Because it had caused so many things.
Pain.
Joy.
Anger.
Sadness.
Love.
It was both the greatest moment and the worst.
But he could not change the past. He would have to live with it.
He would have to live as…
Spiderman.
*
|BEFORE THE MOMENT|
REMUS POV
In biology that day I killed someone. Well, something.
The lab was larger than the average classroom, being able to hold thirty to forty students maximum. It was mainly used for after school clubs or extracurricular activities, though occasionally a regular class would use it, usually the higher achieving ones. This was so everyone had their own space to experiment without risking others who had no idea what they were working on, and yet at least one student would get hurt or freak out about something every lesson.
To my immense pleasure, I sat at the back. It was much less likely students would be able to throw things at my head and I could concentrate on my own work for once. I wasn’t a quiet person around friends, in fact according to them I could be quite funny and loud at times, but in general? I just found noise drew too much attention, and attention brought trouble.
That’s why I like to wear old sweaters. They were colourful, yet muted, allowing me to ‘express myself’ or whatever that means, but not be looked at. But this only applied out of school, when I would go on walks or go round Peters. Mid Town High didn’t allow students to wear their own clothes. The uniform was a white shirt, black trousers or skirt, a black blazer that was so ugly only half the school bothered wearing it, and a tie depending on your school house, that they used for sports day and other events. Since Mid Town High seemed to just not have any sort of heating it wasn’t always nice to wear just a shirt, but it was all you could do without either looking ugly or breaking the rules. I liked being warm, but I found it was nice to have a different atmosphere in school. It made it feel separate. Two completely different worlds.
I was testing myself on a test, a biochemistry practical I had found in one of fathers old school books. It was challenging, with very carefully worded questions, but to a concentrated eye it was really quite simple, in my opinion. I was already half way through it and it was only 20 minutes into the lesson. Not bad. There was no date on the paper, but I assumed it was from when my father was the same age as me, perhaps even younger.
The class was quiet, everyone was concentrating hard, even Severus Snape, who usually lazily stood there and tried to create new ways to kill things whilst insulting others' work. Secretly, I admired him slightly, for it was clear Snape was clever, but unfortunately put his talents towards his… more violent tendencies. Because of this he was bullied by many, using pathetic insults to stand up for himself. In a way this was rather curious, for Snape was more than capable of hurting others. In fact it was easy to tell he very much wanted to hurt certain individuals. And yet he didn’t. Strange, yet somewhat admirable. That feels so wrong to say. Do not quote me on that ever.
Unlike the majority of the class I was not concentrating. My mind was somewhere else entirely. I was thinking about the trip tomorrow, to The Potter Industries headquarters, Potter Tower. I was very much looking forward to it; it was the trip of the year. The Potters were the leading science company of the century, being years ahead, particularly in the areas of chemistry, genetics and military technology. They have had more scientific breakthroughs in the last year than all the breakthroughs made by other companies put together in the last 5 years.
What they were doing was incredible and I desperately wanted to see and learn as much as I could from the trip, up close, and if I was lucky enough, talk to a member of staff about getting a job, or at least about how I might aim to get one in the future. It was a huge opportunity that I could not and would not miss.
“GET IT OFF ME!”
The high pitched scream broke my thoughts suddenly, and I quickly looked around to find the source of the person in trouble. I finally found her, Lily Evans, right at the front of the class, standing so still I thought she might be paralyzed. Rushing over, pushing students out of the way, I ignored their dirty looks and carried on through, desperate to try to help her. Lily may be my fiercest competition, but she was still a friend.
“What's wrong?” I asked, finally reaching her, finding her staring at something on her right black, shiny school shoe. It was… a spider.
I put my hands on my hips in exasperation, wondering why I even try to help people these days. It was just a spider and Lily was acting if it was going to murder her on the spot. And I had thought she was intelligent. Honestly.
“Remus get it off!” She shouted pointing at it like one would point at an alien or devil.
I sighed.
“Fine.”
Bending down and picking the spider up carefully, I examined it, naturally curious of its species. It looked like a small daddy longlegs, perhaps a Pholcus Phalangioides, its head a distinctive skull shape. It didn’t even bother to move around as it was carried over to the window.
“Thanks Remus,” said Lily, smiling at me. I had known Lily since infant school. She was the cleverest person I knew
Just as I was reaching the window someone put their foot out and I tripped, falling straight onto my face. I got up quickly, not wanting anyone to take a picture or record me in my state. I was fine of course, but the spider, not so much. It had become a black spot on the plaster floor.
It’s just a spider, I thought to myself. Just a spider. And yet, no matter how many times I repeated those words over in my head, I still couldn’t look at it. Even though it was just a spider. I had never been a squeamish person, I’d watched many medical dramas and even seen someone give birth. But death? The idea that someone, something, anything, was dead in front of me made me feel sick. The idea that they would never move again, never do anything again, never see anyone again… it was terrifying. It was my deepest fear. Death.
I noticed that everyone was sniggering and snapped out of my fearful trance. I turned and faced the person, who, just as I had thought, was Severus, making sure not to even glance at the squashed insect.
Mulciber stood next to him with his basketball in hand. I didn't think I had ever seen the unpleasant boy without some sort of ball on his person. Sports ball that is. One of his favourite past times was screaming at me in PE, because… well lets just say football and rugby is not, and probably never will be, my thing.
“What the hell was that for?” I asked Snape, sounding harsh to him rather than empathetic toward the spider. Snape laughed loudly, standing straight, getting my personal space. I stepped back slightly, hating when people got too close.
“Scared, Lupin? Maybe try speaking normally and I’ll be able to actually understand you” He taunted, making Mulciber and everyone laugh louder. It was an ugly sound, not the sound of sweetness or happiness, but of hate and fear.
He was talking about two things. Having grown up in Wales, Merthyr Tydfil to be exact, I had a thick welsh accent that sometimes meant, especially when I was angry or annoyed, people couldn’t understand or properly hear what I was saying. It was bloody annoying and meant that I was constantly mocked. The other part was that I also had a stutter. It just made things worse. It happened very rarely, only during my manic episodes or when one was coming , but ever since Snape had heard it accidentally in passing the first aid room, he just had to tell the entire school. He really was a dick. A smart dick. But a dick.
This is why I hated getting involved. But I couldn't help it. There was a part of me that felt I always had to help, no matter the consequences. I loved that part of me, it helped people, but I also hated it because things like this happened so easily. Something horrible could so easily come out of a good act, and it was unfair.
“Piss off Snivellus. And you Mulciber.”
This sentence did not come out of my own mouth. But I knew who it was. I didn’t even bother to turn and look to check if I was correct. Because I was correct.
I stalked back over to my desk, pushing one girl out of the way uncaringly, carrying on with my work like nothing had happened. I found that when it came to my always late lab partner it was best to treat him like a puppy. Ignore them until they get so annoying you just have to give them something they like and then ignore them again.
“You alright Remus?” He asked, having followed me. Well less followed me more went to his own desk. But that was also my desk so… never mind.
“Yes Sirius I’m fine,” I answered bluntly, still not looking at him.
“You look sad Remus,” Sirius replied, elongating the word sad. It was just the way he talked really, but I hated it. It made me feel like a small child.
“I said I’m fine,” I repeated, finally turning and being met with… what on earth was he wearing?!
The black leather jacket that hung off Sirius was adorned with studs and silver zips, shining in the day light streaming through the window. The leather was weathered and clearly worn down quite considerably, but the details were new, making the jacket seem new and old at the same time. It went over his untucked yet perfectly ironed white school shirt, fitting just right. It was as if it had been tailored to Sirius, much like the rest of his smarter clothes, but I could imagine that this outfit of choice had most likely been bought in a charity shop or specific punk shop. His red and gold tie, matching my own, contrasted from the other monotone colours well. You would think an added bonus of specially tailored black trousers would ruin the look, with too much clashing of styles but I had to painfully admit… he looked… good.
Sirius chuckled and I realised I’d been staring for quite some time.
“Like it?” He asked, sounding honest. Sirius was a very arrogant person, and yet he was always… I didn’t know that word. Sirius could be caring, he could be harsh, he could be weird, he could be funny and so much more. He was like a rainbow. So many colours mashed together that created a beautiful thing.
I took several steps back, pretending to analyse the outfit carefully. Sirius laughed and posed with his smooth carefully pedicured hands on his slim hips. Ugh he was so perfect. It was infuriating.
“Hm I think the jacket kinda ruins it…”
“What?!”
“Yes, I think the rest is all fine, but the jacket… a definite no…”
I stared at him blankly, obviously being sarcastic. But Sirius really couldn't tell if I was joking or not. I couldn't blame him; I had always been pretty hard to read.
“Sirius I'm joking you daft dimbo,” I said after several seconds of Sirius trying to work it out. He chuckled slightly, ceasing his posing. I stepped back in front of my desk and he nudged me playfully.
“Just cause you wanna see me without anything on doesn't mean you have to hate my clothes..”
I felt my cheeks go hot. I turned to him, giving him a pointed look.
“And whatever gave you that idea Black? I like your clothes just where they are, thank you very much.”
“Ah ha! So you do like the jacket!?”
I smiled, flicking over to the next page on my test. He looked at me like a small child would look up at an older mentor, desperate for praise.
“Yes Siri, your jacket is great. Very 70s.”
He beamed, pulling out his own school book from his tattered black bag.
“Thanks Remu!”
“No problem Sirius. Now will you please do your work?”
He looked at me with a very serious face. Get it? Serious, Sirius? No? Ok…
“Remus you have known me for… about 4 months. When have I ever done work when you have instructed me too?”
“Sirius,” I said looking straight into his silver, grey eyes.
“Yes oh wonderful Remu?” he answered, his pupils going strangely wide.
“Do your work.”
“Yes oh great and powerful Remu,” he said in a mock soldier voice, sitting down and actually starting to write in his book. He always listened to me.
I sighed, turning to my own work. Sirius had been my lab partner since the start of Sixth Form, and I had to admit he was nice company, but he couldn't help being ever so childish. Especially around James, his best friend since birth, apparently. I was grateful to him, he never asked about my disorder, or anything I didn't want to talk about. He was just there, his annoying presence ready to cheer me up. Slightly. Only slightly.
For as much as I liked Sirius Black I would never admit I did. To anyone that asked, Sirius Black was simply an acquaintance, being my lab partner . That is all. Not friends. Not best buds. Just a person in my life that I knew.
And we were going to stay that way.