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Open eyes stare into the darkness of the room. You remained stationary on your bed as the absence of light takes you nowhere. Though not in complete silence, even the muffled sounds from the common room in the ghouls' wing of the abbey sounded distant than it should.
Low light seeped though the gap below the door, only seeming like a glowing line in the dark. It did not matter whether you kept your eyes closed or open, nothing could lull you to sleep on this night. Things have gotten heavy for you lately, and rather than being a burden to the others you opted to excuse yourself most of the time.
Shifting your head to the side to meet with the soft line of light beneath the door, you figured that if there was no way to fall into slumber, then you might as well join in on whatever shenanigans your packmates were up to. Even if it meant having them look at you with bewildered eyes. You still weren't yourself, but you can't even sleep on your own even when you had kept insisting on it.
Lazily, you pushed yourself up; Your body felt heavy with fatigue after a long day. Tired, mentally and physically altogether. Band practice, and an unpleasant memory trying to break through.
Your head winces at the thought of recalling said events, despite the murkiness that was seemingly shielding you from seeing it. You blindly reached out to the lamp on the bedside table, fumbling slightly due to tiredness but managed to click the switch, illuminating the room in a warm light. A hand immediately covered your eyes, rubbing them as you let out an irritated hiss. “Fuck.. I should have left my eyes closed when I turned on the lights.”
Quickly forgetting about that, you stood to approach the door, but not before you were met with the large mirror that came with the room. Your silver eyes examining the now ghoulish form you've attained; Grey skin that was littered with violet light, pointed ears and horns, and a leathery tail that ended with a spade.
Despite living in this new skin for months, it still feels odd. Recalling the time papa and the others had summoned you had caused the familiar ache to resurface. The stinging sensation was too much to forget, remembering how badly you wanted to claw at your skin that felt far more than just excruciating to live with.
Taking in a deep breath, you decided to think back to when your packmates would always join and form a huddle around and aid your healing, to get through the transformation.
“You're still not used to it,” It's Mountain, standing at the doorway. However he's able to do that a lot of the time is beyond you. His eyes gazing down to your clenched fist that dripped sanguine fluid. You hadn't even realised that your claws had broke skin. “Zephyr.” His voice stern, yet held concern.
“Sorry, I'm just..” You attempted to think of something, but ultimately just told the truth. “Yeah, I'm not.” Lying to Mountain, or anyone else, would be useless considering the connection the ghouls have with one another.
You can sense the taller ghoul looking into your mind, searching for any sort of lie, but found nothing. “I've told you before, I'm still trying my best with this new life. It's... still very different.” You explained, sounding smaller, voice softening with admission.
Mountain enters as he closes the door behind him, quickly tending to your wound inflicted by your claws; Planting gentle kisses upon your palms, sealing them before silently cleaning off the blood with a nearby towel.
You watched with a puzzled gaze as you were being cared for before feeling the guilt rise. All of them had been so caring, especially Mountain and Aether. Rain would be another, but he often watched from a distance, shyness still apparent even if the two of you had done tasks together given by papa. Everyone had been caring for you these past few months, yet you still don't feel like it's deserved. As if they were only doing so because papa ordered them to. You grimaced at the thought as every other doubt started to pile over one another again.
Don't be silly with those doubts. Mountain telepathed. Papa wouldn't have to order us to do such things we had already considered doing ourselves. You were pulled back to reality by his voice in your head. You looked up at Mountain who, while still stared down stoically, held concern in his emerald eyes. Lucifer, you felt like you could stare into them forever.
Setting the towel aside, the earth ghoul held your hands in his own, “We are a family, and we love each other. This includes you, Zephyr.” His voice was gentle, as it would ever get when he speaks with Rain. “Do not for one second doubt our word, my word, for anything else.”
Mountain traced the lilac scars that held a blurred past, sensing the anguish that they held; That were carried with the rebirthed you that stood before him. “We all struggle at the beginning of our newfound life here. Even after our transformation.” Mountain continued to trace along the scars on your arm, gently grazing his claws across them.
You remained silent, gazing upon the earth ghoul as he continued, “I know that I may have been absent or distant during your awakening at the podium, as with our time on the road...” Mountain stops his fingers at a large scratch which was a result of you trying to rid of the uncomfortable feeling of your skin. “..But please know that I did not intended to make you feel unwelcomed. In fact, I just didn't know how to approach.”
You knew this, Aether had briefly mentioned that it was due to not having any newcomers in such a long time. Years, decades even. You figured this would make enough sense, vaguely feeling the same as how it used to in a past life, albeit a distant one.
The room fell silent for a moment, the other ghouls' laughters being the only thing sounding in the background from beyond the door. You could sense the taller ghoul's guilt, making him seem slightly smaller. Your hand reached out to hold the his that rested on the lilac mark. “Mountain.. It's okay, I don't resent you for that. I knew you meant well, and..”
“Aether told you.” His voice remained gentle, finishing the sentence as he looked to you with eyes wandering your features. “I know, you were thinking about it.” A soft smile found its way to the tall ghoul's lips, something neither of the ghouls had seen a lot.
Heat rose to the apples of your cheeks, forgetting for a moment that he could do that, “Right.. Yes, he told me.” Clearing your throat and regaining your composure you looked to him again, “But please know that I forgive you, I can't really hate you for anything.” Actually, you can't hate any of them for anything. They were always by your side, had you needed them or when you thought you didn't.
They've helped you through so much during your transformation, and you still wish that you could stop feeling guilty over it. You were helpless in that moment, but you push back your guilt, reminding yourself of what Aether and Mountain kept telling you; That this was a family that was dead set on looking out for one another.
Your eyes observed Mountain's, hoping he'd read your mind like any open book. His smile was wonderful, and you wished so much that it could stay forever. For you, for everybody else. But as quickly as it appeared, it was gone.
“After all that, I was sure you'd dislike me most out of us all for it, which is why I am constantly checking in on you these days.” Mountain squeezed your hand and arm lightly. “...I'm thankful to know that you don't resent me over it, Zephyr.” You smile at him, content that your message got across.
You hadn't realised you were slowly getting tired until a yawn broke the conversation, earning a small smile from the tall ghoul. Mountain lets go of your arm, only holding one hand to lead both him and you to the bed.
The earth ghoul laid you down, before sitting next to you by the side of the mattress, your hand still in his. You looked at him, confused for a moment, “I can tell you wanted company the moment I sensed you close to the door.” The taller ghoul explained. “And while Aether is rather... busy, with Dew, I figured I would stop by instead.”
Before you could respond, Mountain was quick to continue, “And I do not think that being involved with the others' shenanigans out there would be wise in your current condition either, Zephyr.” He gave you a scratch behind your ear that earned a purr in response. You had always liked the scratches, especially when the ghoulettes would do them to calm you from whatever chaos Dew and Swiss would start.
“Mm... Okay, that's fair.” You purred with bliss at his touch, the earthly scent of Mountain making you feel dizzy. The earth ghoul would scoot closer as he continued to scratch gently, his claws gliding over your skin.
“Mountain? Can you lay with me?” He only nods in agreement, climbing onto the soft mattress to lay by your side. You turn to your side, being the smaller spoon as Mountain held you from behind; His arm wrapped around your small torso with his tail coiled around yours. This wasn't anything the two of you hadn't done before, especially when the nights had been plagued with night terrors.
You snuggle against him comfortably, “Do you want me to stay a little while longer after you've slept?” Mountain could feel you nod slowly against his chest. “Alright.” Pulling the blanket over the both of them, the both of you stayed like that in silence.
Mountain stopped for a moment, “Pardon me, but I would also like to remind you to be more careful with your claws. Dew will almost always act upon the scent of blood, should he catch a whiff of it.” You could only hum and yawn in response, far too tired to utter a word.
Minutes pass and you were fast asleep, small form tucked against the earth ghoul comfortably as he gently played with your hair. Mountain stops for a moment, sensing someone nearing the room before the door flung open. Swiss was holding Dew up by the collar like he was a feline. A grumpy one at that. Seems like the two had a roughhouse after Dew's own reservation with Aether.
“Moun-!” The multi ghoul was quickly hushed with Mountain's glare. Unless it is something far important that our dear Zephyr's rest, I suggest you keep it for later. They've had a long enough week. The earth ghoul telepathed to them.
Swiss slowly lowered Dew to let him stand, earning a growl from the fire ghoul as he dusted himself. The multi ghoul sees the situation and sensed that you've only been able to sleep well enough tonight. Can we join? Swiss asked in hopes to help you sleep better with more company, Dew turning to Mountain as well, both waiting for approval; In which the earth ghoul agreed with a nod, too tired himself to say anything.
Both ghouls joined in the cuddle with Swiss behind Mountain, and Dew the smallest spoon in front of you; Who shifted slightly from the dip and warmth of he fire ghoul. You purred, snuggling closer to Dew, taking in his scent that further calmed your senses.
Even if it wasn't everyone in this pile tonight, this was already enough for you to rid your mind of any wandering thoughts and let your exhausted body sink into the bed, accompanied by the warmth of the three other ghouls; Finally earning the comfort you've wanted all these nights.