Work Text:
Sometimes you gotta bleed to know
that you’re alive and have a soul
But it takes someone to come around
to show you how
- tear in my heart, twenty-one pilots
-
As Kel and Sunny start spending more time together, Kel quickly learns that Sunny falls asleep easily.
After years of an abnormal sleep pattern and a limited routine, Sunny grows exhausted at odd points in the day, meaning he’ll fall asleep instantly in the right climate.
And he’s a deep sleeper.
Kel first learned this while hanging out at Sunny’s apartment one May afternoon. Sunny had just returned from class, and Kel briefly left his apartment to pick up takeout for their dinner. He was gone for thirty minutes when he returned to Sunny sprawled on his couch.
He remembers Sunny’s awkward position, with his chin slanted downwards and his arms spread awkwardly over his midsection as if he were cold. (Kel also learns that Sunny easily gets cold.) Kel wondered how one could sleep in such an uncomfortable state.
When Kel called his name to wake him, Sunny didn’t stir. It wasn’t until Kel shook his shoulder that he startled awake. His cheeks immediately flushed with embarrassment and Kel reassured him before a rushed apology could leave Sunny’s mouth. He recalls being worried, but the concern quickly melted away as they opened their takeout boxes.
He hadn’t thought anything of it until it became a frequent problem.
For instance, whenever the two watch a movie together, whether in Kel’s living room or on Sunny’s couch, it’s a given that Sunny will fall asleep halfway through. Kel is a talker when watching a movie; he points out funky background characters, annoyingly questions the plot, and gasps at every twist. Sunny answers his observations in good nature with a small comment or a huff of laughter.
Kel knows Sunny has fallen asleep when he stops responding or when he feels Sunny's head fall onto his shoulder.
He remembers the first time Sunny’s head accidentally rested on his shoulder. The other boy had awoken immediately and apologized profusely, promising to never do it again. Kel’s heart ached because a) he found Sunny adorable and b) Sunny’s neverending guilt plagued him everywhere.
Kel assured him he didn’t mind, even wrapping an arm around Sunny’s shoulder to pull him close until the two were essentially cuddling. Kel ignored his racing heart in favor of Sunny’s comfort, and the sacrifice was worth it if it meant Sunny was fast asleep two minutes later.
Now, Kel never dares to move Sunny from his shoulder whenever he dozes off onto it.
Once, after taking an exam for a Pre-calc class, Sunny fell asleep on Kel’s dining room table while visiting for the weekend. Kel had been helping his mom with dinner, and when he called Sunny to help him set up the table, he received no response. He entered the dining table to find Sunny with his head in his arms, shoulders rising and falling.
Sometimes, Sunny falls asleep on the bus. Whenever the two travel downtown in Sunny’s city, Sunny will sleep in the uncomfortable bus seat - commotion and all. Even if the bus is packed to the brim and people talk loudly around them, Sunny won’t stir. Kel will have to shake him awake whenever they reach their stop, and like always, Sunny startles awake.
When Kel first brought up his concern, Sunny explained to him that he was still adjusting to a normal routine. He spent most of his days sleeping for four years, and combined with general malnutrition, Sunny grew tired easily. A long day of classes was enough to wipe him out. Sometimes, he found it difficult to sleep at night with the new stressors in his life. His body was used to sleeping all day, a normal routine proved overwhelming, and it had only been a year since he’d first left the house.
As Sunny liked to put it, he was experiencing a transitionary phase, and the conversation they had was brief - signaling to Kel that Sunny would either bring it up another time or never talk about it again.
Kel was worried nonetheless. He wondered if Sunny’s mom ever woke him up, reminding him to eat and drink water. He knows that she’s out of the apartment a lot, leaving Sunny home alone for hours at a time. Could Sunny’s body wake him up naturally? What if there was an emergency? What if Sunny was riding on the bus and fell asleep before he reached his stop?
He wouldn’t ask Sunny all these questions, though. They were also still adjusting to one another and had only shared a handful of deep conversations in the months they’ve been spending together. Kel hesitated in pushing Sunny to open up, given how he was still adjusting - preferring to wait for Sunny to approach him first. He had to be tactful and patient.
Moreover, Sunny had been surviving fine. He was passing his classes and he seemed to be gaining weight steadily. He was smiling more and it wasn’t like he was knocking out on every comfortable surface. He just tended to fall asleep whenever the two hung out.
So all should be fine in theory, and Kel forces himself to stop worrying.
-
The worry returns when Sunny falls asleep in his car in Faraway Plaza’s parking lot.
It’s an August afternoon. Sunny is visiting for the weekend before their schedules become chaotic with school, and the two had just left their hangout spot at the lake. Kel quickly stopped by Gino’s to pick up pizza for his family, suggesting Sunny stay in the car since it’d be a brief stop.
Five minutes later, he returns to Sunny curled up in the passenger seat. His face is turned towards the window with his cheek pressed against his seat belt, and his neck is poised at a visibly straining angle. He doesn’t wake up as Kel reaches behind him to place the pizza in the backseat, doesn’t stir when Kel closes his car door.
One thing about Sunny is that he never snores. He’s a silent sleeper. He’ll twitch, he’ll toss and turn - kick bedsheets off his legs. He will gasp when being awakened, but his face remains stoic, even in sleep. He looks peaceful, pretty even, and Kel has to force his gaze away from Sunny’s dark eyelashes and rosy cheeks to turn his car’s engine on.
Usually, he blasts music on his drives, but he drives in silence and shoots glances at Sunny with each turn he takes. He curses Faraway Town for not filling up the holes on the street that cause his entire car to jump, being careful to avoid them, but even when he can’t - Sunny doesn’t stir. After they pull up in his driveway and Kel successfully parks his car, he gently places a hand on Sunny’s shoulder - squeezes it once, twice.
Sunny slowly blinks his eye open, and he sends a groggy look to Kel as he sits up in his seat. He adjusts his eye patch - which has ridden up from being pressed against the seat belt - before looking around confusedly. His hair is somehow mussed from the ten approximate minutes he napped and Kel tries not to think too much when Sunny’s dark eye peers into his own. He doesn’t realize his hand is still resting on Sunny’s shoulder until Sunny’s gaze lands on it, and he pulls his hand away as if he’s been scalded - a flush rising to his cheeks.
“We’re home?” Sunny asks, exhaustion evident in his voice.
“Yeah,” Kel says, and he watches Sunny undo his seat belt. Sunny is nearly pushing his car door open when he blurts the next part out, hands gripping the steering wheel.
“Is something going on?”
Sunny’s head whips back to stare at him in confusion, “What?”
“Have you been sleeping alright?”
Sunny is silent for a second before he responds. “...Yes.”
Kel squints his eyes at him.
Sunny blinks and rests his hand on the back of his neck, a sign of nervousness Kel has picked up on.
“You’ve just been sleeping a lot lately, like, whenever we hang out.”
“Oh,” Sunny says. He turns his face away from Kel’s and continues to play with the hair at the back of his head.
“I’m just curious, that’s all.”
“School has been a lot,” Sunny shrugs.
“Oh,” Kel responds. He chews on his lip. “You’ve just been doing it more, that’s all. It’s barely the start of your semester too, right? You have that much work already?”
Sunny is quiet.
Kel continues: “I’m just concerned! I want to know if you’re struggling, y’know? I’m your friend and want to support you.”
Kel doesn’t know what to expect, but he doesn’t expect Sunny’s response in his usual monotonous tone: “I just feel safe with you.”
His heart nearly stops in his chest. “What?”
Sunny turns to face Kel now, a shy smile on his face. “I feel comfortable, I don’t know.”
“Like, it makes you want to sleep?”
“I guess.”
“Or you find me boring?” Kel asks with a laugh and doesn’t miss how Sunny’s smile widens.
“No.” He bites his lip as if weighing his options before continuing: “I feel safe around you. I find it hard to sleep at night. I feel restless from everything that’s going on, I guess, but with you - I feel calm. And it makes me want to sleep. Does that make sense?”
Kel wants to die in his seat but instead chooses to smile reassuringly. “Yeah, it does.”
Sunny’s smile is wide now, and Kel thinks he’ll never get tired of seeing him smile, wonders when exactly he started to view Sunny this way. He can’t place a finger on when his heart started to expand in Sunny’s presence - the past few months overlapping in messy hues - but he could chase days with him forever.
Sunny turns around and notices the pizza in the backseat. “The pizza is going to get cold. We should get down.”
“Oh,” Kel remembers. He doesn’t comment on the conversation change. “Yeah, let’s take it inside.”
The two clamor out the car and begin to walk towards the front door. Kel walks slowly behind Sunny and watches the back of his head, traces the relaxed line of his shoulders.
He promises himself to always be a safe person for Sunny.