Work Text:
na jaemin is a dirty slut who deserves to die
jaemin has left the group chat.
jeno has added jaemin to the group chat.
donghyuck: wah just thinking about na jaemin this early in the morning is making my breakfast do backflips in my stomach ㅠㅠ [sent at 8:50 am]
jeno: you should chew your food correctly. are u an elementary schooler? ㅋㅋㅋ [sent at 8:50 am]
donghyuck: shut the fuck up jeno. don't make me drop kick you as soon as I see you at the school gates [sent at 8:50 am]
jeno: you're not gonna do shit ㅋㅋ [sent at 8:50 am]
chenle: wow, fighting this early in the morning? u two are seriously like two peas in a pod ㅋㅋㅋㅋ [sent at 8:51 am]
donghyuck: zhong chenle, i dare you to say that again [sent at 8:51 am]
jeno: yuck, don't make me puke. i wouldn't even want to share the same pod as donghyuck =_= [sent at 8:51 am]
jeno: i'd rather share with jaemin ㅋㅋ [sent at 8:51 am]
donghyuck: and catch something? [sent at 8:52 am]
donghyuck: who knows where that bitch has been [sent at 8:52 am]
chenle: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ [sent at 8:52 am]
jeno: apparently a senior saw one of his classmates groping jaemin [sent at 8:52 am]
donghyuck: he seriously can't contain his sluttyness, can he? [sent at 8:53 am]
donghyuck: even trying to make a move on mark
knowing that i like him? [sent at 8:53 am]
donghyuck: i could fucking kill him [sent at 8:53 am]
donghyuck: yo, na jaemin if ur reading this. listen up. if i or my friends see u near mark again, i'll fucking beat the shit out of u. got it, bitch? [sent at 8:54 am]
chenle: so harsh ㅋㅋㅋㅋ [sent at 8:54 am]
jeno: damn donghyuck ㅋㅋ [sent at 8:54 am]
jaemin miserably stares at the flashes of texts from the cruel group chat the three people, that tormented him the most at school, added him in illuminating—his phone screen. he anxiously gnaws on his bottom lip, heartbeat racing and hands clammy against the cool touch of the back of his phone. jaemin digs his fingers into the edge of his mattress, fingers growing numb and knuckles white at how tight his grip is.
constantly being reminded of how alone he is at school—donghyuck, jeno, and chenle do everything in their power to make sure that jaemin never forgets how utterly worthless he is compared to everyone else. hiding his p.e clothes. throwing his school bag and notes out the window. shoving him against the walls. physically harassing him in the bathroom. making crude and mean comments at the back of the classroom. tripping him up whenever they come across each other. spreading nasty rumors about him.
jaemin didn't know how much longer he could take of this torment.
his parents were clueless about him being bullied at school. their hopeful smiles when jaemin returns from school—walking through the front door. the thought of him shattering the belief they have of him having a lot of friends at school and being liked is enough for jaemin to bury the pain and agony inside of him—if it means that his parents are happy.
with a heavy heart and burning throat, he walks down the stairs and into the entryway of his house. at the shoe rack, he distractedly slips on his school shoes. unaware of his mom peaking half of her body out of the kitchen to tentatively watch him. her warm brown eyes full of fondness and love. love that jaemin doesn't deserve. love that jaemin isn't worthy of being the recipient of.
"leaving so soon?" her gaze wanders to the white clock ticking on the wall, trailing back over to jaemin. eyeing him with an undescribable curiosity. "you're not going to eat breakfast like you usually do?"
jaemin swallows, fixing the falling straps of his plain black backpack onto his shoulders. an overwhelming sensation of guilt overcomes him. he evades his gaze. "yeah, i don't-i don't really feel hungry this morning," he distractedly rubs the side of his head, body reflexively tensing at another vibrating notification from his phone engulfed in the pocket of his coat. "i'll probably just eat something quick from the vending machine."
"do you need some money-"
"no, i'm okay thanks," jaemin hastily cuts her off, noticing the subtle movement of her eyes slightly widening at the abrupt interruption but she chooses not to comment on it. instead just staying silent and examining him. "i've got to go otherwise i'll be late. bye mom," and before he can hear his mom's response—he's out of the house in a blink of an eye.
the cold and crisp breeze of the winter air fans his skin, his fingers reaching to tighten his wool scarf around his neck. hesitantly, he fishes into his coat pocket and retrieves his phone, his finger shakily hovering to open the recent message from the group chat lingering in his notifications.
na jaemin is a dirty slut who deserves to die
donghyuck: aish, why isn't he fucking reading our messages [sent at 9:05 am]
chenle: maybe he's eating breakfast, duh [sent at 9:05 am]
donghyuck: ew, freaks eat? [sent at 9:05 am]
donghyuck: i'd rather he starve [sent at 9:06 am]
jeno: we should ask him what his sweet little mommy cooked for him for breakfast ㅋㅋ [sent at 9:06 am]
jaemin: don't talk about my mom like that [sent at 9:07 am]
donghyuck: trash can finally speak up now? [sent at 9:07 am]
jeno: watch who you're speaking to jaemin. i'm not scared of you [sent at 9:08 am]
jaemin: fuck all of you. stop adding me to this group chat. donghyuck fuck you and your fucking followers [sent at 9:09 am]
jaemin has left the group chat.
jaemin ignores the cluster of students in friendship groups loudly conversing with each other piling their way into the school building. following the sole focus of keeping his head down and avoiding everyone's eyes, he's just about to turn the corner when he feels a yank on his scalp—his body stumbling back and a wounded sound forced out of him. other students, that are still lingering near the entrance of the school building, watch in shock at the violent exchange.
"nothing to see here," donghyuck cheerily preens, his cheerful disposition contrasting his firm grip on the back of jaemin's hair. "please ignore what's going on and kindly go about your day."
jeno notices a male student skeptically staring at them with fear, appearing as though he wants to intervene until jeno sizes him up and threateningly glares at him. pupils dilated and eyes wide. "what? you got something to say?"
the male student trembles at the intensity of jeno's glare and nearly trips over his own two feet trying to walk away. upon seeing this, other students that had been quiet onlookers, uneasily leave to head to their own classrooms—occasionally throwing timid glances back at them.
jaemin isn't even given a second to breathe or say anything. he's being dragged forcefully into the nearest bathroom and once he's inside, donghyuck shoves him away. jaemin has to catch himself—nearly falling over.
"chenle, guard the door," donghyuck lowly commands, dark gaze not leaving jaemin's face. chenle pouts in disappointment, arms folded against his chest and head slightly thrown back. donghyuck rolls his neck, menacingly side-eyeing chenle who flinches. "now, idiot."
chenle awkwardly laughs, immediately spinning on his heels to hurry out of the bathroom and stand right outside the door. jaemin stands back up straight, dark wisps of his hair falling into his eyes and fingers nervously fidgeting against the rough interior of his falling bag strap. jeno sourly stares at him, hopping onto the bathroom counter, hands resting behind him.
"what was that about me being donghyuck's follower?"
jaemin stays silent, eyes dully blinking at the tiled floor of the bathroom. apart from the persistent drip of a faulty tap, the bathroom basks in an eery and uncanny silence that has chills crawling up jaemin's spine. all he wants is to just get out of here. he wants to go to class and attend school like a normal student. why is this happening to him? he's never asked for anything or been selfish. jaemin has always always tried to mind his own business and keep his head down. yet, why is this happening?
"fucking say something, you fucking bitch!" donghyuck screams, his shrill voice echoing throughout the bathroom walls. "what, want me to fuck you up, right here and now?" he storms over to jaemin and grabs a fistful of school jumper. those dark dark eyes glowering at him like he's nothing but gum stuck under the sole of his expensive school shoes.
"apologize, jaemin," jeno boredly drawls, aimlessly scrolling through his phone. back to the dirty mirror. "or else we're all gonna be late."
"s-" jaemin halts, hands balling into fists by his sides and eyes looking down on donghyuck who scoffs. "why do i have to apologize? you've all been tormenting and ridiculing me every single day," his voice tearfully cracks, lips trembling. "but i have to apologize?"
"you-i-ah...you seriously don't get it, do you?" donghyuck viciously laughs, quirking an eyebrow at jaemin. eventually, his strained smile slowly disappears, replaced with repulsion. "i fucking hate you and want you to die," he leans in closer to jaemin's distraught face. "even if it takes months or even years. i want every part of your worthless little body to slowly die until you've finally had enough and call it quits."
"i give it a few more months," jeno hollowly chuckles, tapping the rim of his phone against his lips. crescent moon eyes distastefully peering at him. black hair sinfully flopping into his eyes at the shaky movement of his laughter. "until he calls it quits."
face slack with desolation and heavy-lidded eyes emptily staring at donghyuck, his mouth slowly opens to grit. "fuck you."
"oh?" donghyuck raises his eyebrows in surprise, eyes still darkly staring back at jaemin. he shoves jaemin again and again until his back hits the wall with a thud. jaemin, emotionlessly, blinks at him—his lack of reaction enraging donghyuck even further. donghyuck slaps jaemin across the face twice. the harsh sound of skin smacking against skin resonating throughout the bathroom walls. from the corner of his eyes, he notices jeno's phone raised recording every movement and jaemin feels the bile rise in his throat.
donghyuck grabs a fistful of jaemin's hair and throws his body to the ground like he's nothing but a lifeless ragdoll—ironic because jaemin does feel lifeless. the red-haired boy plunges kicks at jaemin's stomach and jaemin chokes in pain. his body withering around on the floor trying to grab at donghyuck's shoes to stop him but it only angers the boy even more, his kicks growing harder until jaemin's vomit splurts out—like lava erupting—all over the tiled floor.
"ew, ew, so gross," donghyuck dry heaves, his features scrunching in disgust at the sight. he backs away, hand to his mouth. "you're fucking gross. don't ever touch me with your dirty hands."
"i totally got that on video," jeno triumphantly mutters to himself, coldly unbothered by jaemin vomiting and clutching at his stomach in pain. he tilts his head to the side, grimacing. "i feel so sorry for whoever has to walk into that."
jeno hops off the counter, stands a few feet away, and spits on jaemin, his saliva landing on jaemin's pale and flushed cheek. "all you are is good-for-nothing trash. why don't you all just do us a favour and save us the fun by dying? no one would miss you. not like you have any friends at this school anyways," he turns to look in the mirror, fixing black strands of his hair and tucking a few behind his ear before eagerly glancing at jaemin through the mirror. "oh, right, do your parents even really care about you? they might just be waiting for the day that you turn 20 to kick you out. i mean, i would rather die than have a child like you," he faintly giggles, innocently smiling. "donghyuck would probably give you up for adoption."
"in hopes that i wouldn't kill you myself," donghyuck clears his throat, trying not to stare at the sight of jaemin's vomit. lips curling in a sneer. "come on, jeno. let's go. we don't want trash to make us late."
jeno bites his lip, pleased with the way his hair looks, and skips over to donghyuck—enthusiastically wrapping an arm around him. "from now on, your going to be referred to as trash. it suits you so well, don't you think," his gaze darkens, tone lowering to a dangerous lilt. "trash?"
"ugh, whatever, the smell of vomit is even making me, the lee donghyuck, want to hurl. let's dip," donghyuck irritatedly grunts, trying to cover his nose with a pinch of his fingers and turning his head towards the bathroom door. "hurry up or i'm locking the door and leaving you behind with trash and his disgusting vomit."
"no, don't you dare," jeno theatrically gasps, clinging onto donghyuck. the two boys open the door and slightly push chenle away to step out before the bathroom door is slammed shut leaving jaemin in silence, his fingers twitching against the cold tiled floor and eyes glassy with tears. the strong scent of bile leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.
Ⅱ.
"hey, honey, how was school?"
jaemin dully blinks at his mom, his gaze far away and distant. instinctually, he pulls his scarf up to cover half his face. "yeah, it was good thanks, mom," opaquely smiling, he toes off his school shoes and fixes them onto the shoe rack—ignoring the way his mom's eyes concernedly trace his movement, as if waiting for him to slip up and break at any moment now.
but, jaemin keeps on smiling. "what's for dinner?" he asks, trying to appear normal.
his mom's mouth opens and closes like she wants to say more about his strange behavior. instead, she seamlessly follows the flow of the conversation and genially returns his smile. "your favorite of course," she saunters back into the kitchen. the homely scent of her cooking filling his nostrils. "you used to love it all the time as a child," her expression nostalgically sombers for a split second. "now, you hardly eat it anymore."
jaemin keeps on smiling, even if his heart is shattering into tiny pieces at her words. "i just grew up, mom. children grow up. it's normal."
"i know," jaemin's mom sniffles, wiping away a tear with the back of her hand. she turns to gently place a hand on jaemin's head, fingers softly threading through dark shiny strands. "i just wish you didn't have to grow up soon."
his phone vibrates and jaemin's smile stiffens. "sorry mom, but i have a lot of homework to complete," he pulls away from his mom's touch and hastily walks out of the kitchen, oblivious to his mom's watchful and sorrowful gaze.
he hurries up the stairs and barges into his own room, clumsily shutting the door. with trembling hands, he digs out his phone from his coat pocket and weakly holds it closer to his chest for a few seconds then swipes to open the text notification leading to the group chat.
trash is a dirty slut who deserves to die
jeno changes the group chat name to trash is a dirty slut who deserves to die
jeno: *attached MOV_5432* [sent at 4:25 pm]
jeno: should i send it to our classmates ㅋㅋㅋㅋ [sent at 4:25 pm]
jeno: the vomit was the best part ㅋㅋㅋㅋ [sent at 4:25 pm]
chenle: wtf why didn't u warn me that there would be vomit at the end of the video? [sent at 4:26 pm]
chenle: ugh i feel sick now and i just ate dinner dude [sent at 4:26 pm]
donghyuck: seriously i'm never gonna watch the video to the end [sent at 4:27 pm]
donghyuck: i can still smell trash's vomit [sent at 4:27 pm]
donghyuck: and idiot, if u send it to our classmates someone's gonna try and rat us out again [sent at 4:27 pm]
donghyuck: i'm already on thin ice with my dad after someone reported us before, fucking rat [sent at 4:27 pm]
chenle: i wonder who it was [sent at 4:28 pm]
jeno: maybe your precious mark hyung, perhaps? ^^ [sent at 4:28 pm]
donghyuck: shut the fuck up, he doesn't know anything [sent at 4:29 pm]
jaemin falls asleep in his school uniform that day—forgetting all about dinner, eyelids burning with salty tears, and vibrating phone clutched tightly to his chest.
Ⅲ.
"whoa, did you hear about mark lee from class 3-c?"
"yes, i mean how couldn't anyone! it's spreading like wildfire all around the school."
"but isn't it...strange? he doesn't seem like the type of person to sexually assault anyone. let alone hurt a fly. i mean think about it. he's good-looking, popular, smart, kind, helps out in the library, and does volunteering during the weekends."
"crazy, right? it just goes to show that you really can't trust anyone. people are seriously two-faced, it's terrifying."
arms folded on his desk and head buried in his folded arms, jaemin's eyes slowly flutter open. horrifyingly intrigued by the conversation of the two students in front of him. mark lee? sexual assault? it's shocking to even think about, to say the least. jaemin didn't know mark personally but they spoke briefly before when jaemin used to spend his time hiding in the library away from donghyuck, jeno, and chenle. mark would cheer him up, despite not knowing his full situation in detail, and tell him the lamest dad jokes.
one time donghyuck had seen mark and jaemin together. after that, things completely escalated and his torment grew worse to the extent that jaemin stopped acknowledging mark's presence. since then, they didn't speak again. here and there, they would run into each other in the hallway by chance—but other than that, their interaction is kept to a bare minimum. nonexistent, even.
to hear that mark sexually assaulted a girl at one of jaehyun's, a popular third-year and a part of mark's popular clique, parties doesn't seem like something mark would do. during the few interactions, he shared with mark, he came to notice how shy and clumsy he is. even struggling to make eye contact with jaemin when they spoke. in those few months that they stopped speaking to each other—did mark change that much?
slowly lifting his head up, his eyes squinting at the bright daylight dawning through the windows right next to jaemin's desk. his gaze flickers over to the two students and meekly intervenes in their conversation to their surprise.
"where is mark sunbae now?"
carefully, the female student, haerin, warily surveyed the classroom and deemed it safe, turning her head back to jaemin and leaning in close for him to hear her. the other female student, minji, who sits in front of him slightly swivels her body around too, hands curled on the rim of her desk chair.
"they say he's currently being suspended and the situation is being further investigated," haerin discreetly whispers, she hesitates. "but, they say it's going to be difficult for mark sunbae to get out of this situation even if he's in the clear."
"right," minji sadly nods, sighing. "unlike most students that go to this school. his parents are middle class, he isn't rich and his parents don't have any influence. it could permanently be on his record and he'll lose the college basketball scholarship they gave him for next year."
haerin's gaze lingers on jaemin, worriedly eyeing him. "jaemin, i've always wanted to ask but i've been afraid because of donghyuck and jeno," she guiltily rubs her arms, "is there anything," she shares a brief glance with minji who mirrors her guilty expression, "we can do to-"
"there isn't anything," jaemin interrupts her, primly smiling. "you don't have to worry about me," he quietly mutters. "you guys are lucky to have each other. don't ruin it by getting involved in my mess," he notices the way the two of them gape at him, flabbergasted, and buries his head back into the comfort of his own arms. "thanks for talking to me," he softly says.
if he feels a gentle hand on his arm, he doesn't say anything and convinces himself that it's just his messed-up imagination.
Ⅳ.
jaemin tip-toes over to the shoe rack, pulls on his grey converses, and zips up his coat, bundling the scarf snugly around his neck. he hushedly unlocks the front door and steps out, shutting it quietly as possible behind him. stuffing his hands in his pockets—the absence of his vibrating phone blissfully calming his anxiousness. he buries his chin deeper into his scarf, eyes curiously wandering around him—the streetlamps illuminating the deserted and peaceful streets.
he walks alongside the road—a few cars with bright headlights passing by him now and then—and eventually finds himself in front of a luminously lit convenience store. pushing the door to the convenience open, he politely greets the owner of the store and peculiarly eyes the aisles of different selections of food, snacks, and drinks. he grabs a few packets of crisps, ice cream, chocolate, and sprite.
dropping them on the counter in front of the owner of the convenience store, a middle-aged man with kind eyes and greying hair, he expectantly waits to hear the total price.
the man lifts an eyebrow, questioningly eyeing his items. "a young boy such as you eating all of that this late at night? my, don't your parents feed you, young one?"
jaemin just curtly smiles, shrugging. his fingernails lightly scratch at his card. "i just thought it wouldn't matter. it doesn't really matter what goes into this body. after all, i'm still alive, aren't i?" he bitterly chuckles.
the older man empathetically hums, starting to scan the items and gather them in a plastic bag. "our bodies are the temples for our soul. if you damage your body internally and physically, you're wearing away at your soul. without a body, a soul cannot solely survive on its own. which is why we should treasure our poor bodies that work hard to pump oxygen into our blood, digest our food, use our brains, and live knowing that our bodies are working hard for us to be alive," he finishes pouring the items into the plastic bag, slowly pushing it towards jaemin. "treasure your body, young boy. and your body and soul will become one."
jaemin, disoriented by the older man's wise insight, silently pays for his items and grabs the plastic shopping bag, wanting to hurry away from the man's prying and kind eyes. kind eyes that can see through him. he takes one last look behind him and the man tenderly smiles.
jaemin flees the convenience store, the handle of his shopping bag curled around his fingers and his heart pounding against his chest. he blankly stares at his reflection in a small puddle between the tires of a parked car against the road.
"treasure my body, huh? i wish it were that easy," he painfully utters.
moving to aimlessly stroll down the streets whilst searching for his chocolate ice cream, peeling it open and chomping down on a small piece. he cringes at the cold sensation, gently throwing his head back to stop himself from getting brain freeze. walking alongside the bridge barring the river underneath, he lowers his head to see a familiar figure dressed in a hoodie under a puffer jacket, grey jogging bottoms, socks, slippers, and a snapback covering his head full of dark hair, standing in front of the bridge—arms resting on top of the wall and eyes staring into the river.
the name of one person comes into his head. mark lee.
it seems that mark has also spotted him, his doe eyes widening in recognition. cheeks and the tip of his nose flushed pink from the cold once jaemin slowly edges closer towards mark like a deer caught in headlights.
"jaemin-ah?" mark gapes, his mouth breathing out cold air. "what are you doing here?"
clearing his throat and trying not to appear taken aback by their sudden meeting, he gestures to the shopping bag hanging on his arm and gently shakes it. "i was hungry so i went to buy some snacks."
mark relaxes, eyes softening and lips twitching up into an amused smile. "ice cream in this weather?" he fondly shakes his head. "you're insane, na jaemin."
"that i am," he lamely responds, unintentionally pulling the mood down by the way mark regretfully stares at him. "what? it's true."
"don't say that. i was only kidding," mark delicately mumbles and that's the one thing that jaemin's always disliked about mark. his ability to be kind to people no matter what. he's always envied that about mark. despite his difficult background, the pureness that mark radiates makes you forget even your own wrongdoings. but jaemin—he's already tainted black. he's already damaged goods. he ruins everything he touches and makes people hate him. he's nothing like mark.
"join me?" mark hopefully peers at him, gesturing to the empty standing space next to him. "don't worry. it's just us two here. no one will know that you're hanging around a sexual predator," mark wryly jokes, and jaemin tenses, widely blinking at mark in astonishment at his bluntness. "it's okay. we don't have to ignore the huge elephant."
"mark. look, i," jaemin slowly starts to say, hesitantly walking to stand next to mark by the bridge, "-no, we don't have to talk about it if you're not comfortable. i mean, it's not really any of my business what's happening to yo-"
"i didn't do it," mark quietly interrupts him, his hands clasped together and head slightly bowed. he deeply exhales behind gritted teeth. "i-i just don't get why she would go to the extent to lie about something as serious as sexual assault knowing the fact that i can go to prison, be written on the sex offender list and have my basketball college scholarship ripped away from me? it's like she didn't even care anymore."
"i know," jaemin nods, softly speaking. "i know you didn't do it. and there are quite a lot of people who believe in you too," he meekly stares at mark. "well, from what i've heard so far."
mark slowly meets his gaze, warmly staring back at him. "thank you jaemin. it really means a lot to me that you're saying this," he looks away, eyes trailing back to the moonlit night sky. "you know we haven't spoken in a while," he awkwardly chuckles. "frankly, i thought you hated me or you thought my advances were too corny."
jaemin's breath hitches, whipping his head over to stare at mark's side profile. "advances?" he confusedly reiterates. "you mean, like, flirting?"
mark genuinely laughs, intrigued by jaemin's innocence. "yeah, like, flirting."
either jaemin's completely dense about romance and flirting or he's been too deeply immersed in his own self-pity and apathy that he couldn't even notice that the one person he's enjoyed interacting with had been flirting with him the whole time. he'll take the second pick.
"wait, you liked me?" jaemin is still stunned, tilting his head to the side—perplexed that anyone could ever see anything good in him. that anyone could even consider him as a romantic interest. let alone mark lee, the most popular boy at their school. everyone loved mark lee. but, no one but his parents cared about jaemin. maybe, his parents cared a little too much about a good-for-nothing son like him. just as jeno said, they should have put him up for adoption and forgotten about his existence.
mark clears his throat, cheeks growing pinker. "like."
"what?"
"i never stopped liking you," mark explains, nervously evading jaemin's intense gaze. "which is why i was hurt when you suddenly stopped speaking to me. i really thought i did something wrong and then i ended up going back out with my ex. but, i told her that i wasn't into her and that i liked guys more than girls. she didn't take it too well which is what led to this shitty mess."
"she accused you of sexual assault because you told her you were into boys?" jaemin swiftly changes the subject, furrowing his eyebrows. ignoring how his heart is still skipping at mark's casual confession. he doesn't deserve it. he's not allowed to deserve it. "that's a really shit thing to do."
"i know," mark tiredly sighs and suddenly jaemin notices the deep eyebags weighing down mark's eyes. "i just don't know what to do anymore. basketball was my escape. my parents were excited about me being offered a scholarship. and now, it's all gone."
"life's just not fair, is it?" jaemin sympathetically says, staring out into the river. the hushed sound of ripples of the waves distracting him. he turns his head again to stare at mark who appears deep in thought—forehead wrinkled, eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed. jaemin reaches into his shopping bag and takes out another packet of his chocolate ice cream, holding it out in front of mark. "ice cream?"
mark slowly takes it, staring down at the packet with a grateful smile.
"thanks, jaemin, you're really kind."
no, i'm not, mark.
Ⅴ.
jaemin slides the door to his classroom open and instantly he's met with judgemental and heated gazes from all of his classmates. the once rowdy classroom falling silent at his appearance. his heart drops, throat burning, and hands clammy against the straps of his backpack. his breathing grows shallow and he struggles to swallow from the intensity of their gazes. did he do something wrong again? he's been trying his best to keep out of trouble and not piss donghyuck off. so why is it once again that he finds himself under everyone's gazes full of hatred and contempt? is his existence that pitiful?
"hey trash," donghyuck's menacing voice breaks the icy silence, confidently walking through the path that their other classmates have left him—hastily moving out of the way to let him, jeno, and chenle pass through. "you seriously must be missing a brain cell if you can't read the room?"
"wh-what?" jaemin uncomfortably stammers, fidgeting with the fraying hem of his scarf wrapped around his neck.
"oh?" jeno scoffs, arms folded across his chest and eyes blinking wide, turning to the rest of his classmates who look visibly apprehensive. "trash is acting innocent?" he slowly walks to stand in front of jaemin, their gazes connecting. jeno's gaze is full of aversion. "stop fucking playing around, trash, and own up to what you've done."
"what...did i do? i really don't know what you're talking about," jaemin shakily says, voice cracking on the last syllable of his sentence. "i honestly i don't know. i swear-"
chenle pulls his phone out and holds his screen close to jaemin's face. jaemin flinches, squinting his eyes to adjust them to the bright screen to see a blurry picture of him and mark talking side by side on the bridge. "if you would check our group chat, you would already know not to show your face at this school anymore, trash."
jaemin didn't think anyone else would be around to see him and mark talking. he's been too loose. too playful—allowing himself a moment of freedom by letting mark dazzle him back into his life again. now, he's messed everything up and he's going to take the brunt of the hatred. it's always been this way. he's stupid to think that he'd ever be able to escape being seen as nothing but a worthless good-for-nothing waste of space. everyone else seems to think so when they look at him with those eyes. those eyes that scream hatred. those eyes that question his existence.
"casually chatting it up with a sex offender?" donghyuck darkly smirks, both hands in his pockets whilst sitting on the edge of a desk at the front. "you really have no shame, trash. i thought we taught you better. seems you haven't learned your lesson."
"but you're always going on and on about how much you like mark," jaemin snaps, fingernails digging into the palms of his hands. "you always talk about how you want mark all to yourself and now you're suddenly believing the rumors of him sexually assaulting that girl? shouldn't you be standing by his side and supporting him? weren't the both of you friends?"
everyone holds their breath—gazes restlessly lingering on donghyuck, an ominous silence hanging over the classroom and jaemin sees the way donghyuck's expression completely explodes into raw anger. his expression a mix of humiliation and fury. and, as fast as jaemin can blink, donghyuck's hands are wrapped around his neck causing the classroom to burst out into horrified screams when his head is slammed against the whiteboard twice.
jaemin cries in pain, his vision growing blurry and his face slackening in excruciating pain—the pain heavily pounding against his head—his brain squeezing. "hurts-stop-hurts," he tries to shout but his words pour out slurred and incomprehensible.
"i'll fucking kill you! you had no right! you had no right to speak about my business in front of everyone, you fucking piece of trash! i'll fucking end your life right here and make sure that no bone in your body ever ends up working," donghyuck screams, dragging jaemin's body through the teacher's desk and another chorus of horrified screams echo throughout the classroom but jaemin can't focus on anything but the white noise drumming in his ears and the black dots crowding his vision. his body feeling numb.
there's blood. blood on the desk. on the whiteboard. jaemin wonders where it's coming from. his head? his nose? it hurts too much to even think right now. everything hurts. jaemin just wants it all to end. how can he treasure his body when people are constantly trying to destroy it no matter what he does? he's never been given a chance.
students are piling out of the classroom, screaming for a teacher for help, and then teachers eventually do end up coming. they rush over to break donghyuck away from jaemin's bloody and disfigured body.
but it's too late.
Ⅵ.
jaemin meets up with mark again at the bridge under another moonlight night sky. just like before, they stand side by side—eating jaemin's chocolate ice cream bought from the convenience store. but this time, there's something different about mark. he's more tense and quiet, a spooked expression on his face when he glances at jaemin now and then—like he wants to ask. he doesn't ask, though. he keeps pretending not to know.
"hey, mark," jaemin softly calls out, the breeze slightly blowing strands of his dark brown hair away from his pretty face. long lashes fluttering and an exhausted smile on his lips, his chin buried under his wool scarf. "i'm sorry about no one believing you and you having to drop out of school."
"it's not your fault, jaemin-ah," mark says, gaze sorrowful and distant. "i've lost my friends, my scholarship, my education, and people constantly look at me like i'm a freak. i mean, what's the point of living, right?"
"i guess we have more things in common than i thought," jaemin inexpressively chuckles, dropping his head onto mark's warm shoulder. he's quiet for a moment before he opens his mouth to somberly say, "i wanna go to the beach. i've never been. you know how you go with your friends during summer and hang out at the beach. i was never able to go but now i can," he slowly lifts his head up to meet mark's empty gaze. "with you."
giving up to jaemin's eyes shining with hopeless tears, the corners lift up to form a wistful smile. "yeah, let's go to the beach, jaemin. if that's what you want. we'll go to the beach."
so they go. they take the first train there and jaemin's head never leaves mark's shoulder throughout the long train journey. even when they get off, jaemin's fingers are curled around mark's hand. they stroll quietly to the beach together. the waves noisily lapping together under the fluorescent grey moon illuminating the dark sea. jaemin's eyes sparkle with adoration, gently smiling, and mark just stares at how beautiful jaemin looks under the dim light.
"i wanna feel the sand under my feet!" jaemin excitedly breathes, letting go of mark's hand to bend down and untie his converses before slipping them off, dropping his bare feet back into the gritty golden sand. he rushes further down the beach and mark is scared—he doesn't want to let jaemin out of his sight.
"jaemin, wait for me! hold on," mark hastily pants, hurrying to slip off his own socks and slippers before catching up to jaemin and he fearfully comes to a halt to see jaemin walking deeper into the sea, half of his legs buried under the water.
then, he turns around and invitingly smiles at mark—holding his hand out. "let's swim together?"
entranced and in a lovestruck daze, mark slowly takes jaemin's cold hand and follows him deeper into the sea.
trash is a dirty slut who deserves to die
jaemin: it would have been nice to go to the sea with everyone [sent at 6:66 pm]
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