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Bepo tries not to worry.
Captain’s orders.
But he simply can’t stop his ears from drooping and fur bristling anytime he catches a rare glimpse of Law throughout the days. If he gets to see him. The man has been holed up god knows where in the submarine, blurred images of black feathers and tan skin to his crewmate’s eyes whenever he resurfaces. Bepo has learnt to not hope Law will stay in the open. He’s learnt that Law’s rare appearances are thanks to the need to change hiding spots.
Bepo doesn’t know why Law chooses to walk to his hide-outs.
If his goal is to hide from his crew─ well, it’s working, but it’d work out even better if he shambled his way around.
Bepo blinks, scratching at his fuzzy cheek. Why is he mentally giving Law advice on how to close himself off better?
Law has always been a reserved person, Bepo figures it’s something he learnt young. Say enough to avoid suspicion, hide enough to avoid being memorable. He’s always laid low, planning things─ he has backups for his backups for his backups, it makes Bepo dizzy -and following them to a T. He makes sure his crew follows perfectly as well. He lives in silence, and acts in silence. Anything done by the Heart Pirates is kept under wraps, and they manage to live a majorly stress-free life. They get to travel calm seas and enjoy luxuries other high-bounty sought-out pirates can’t.
(Law’s bounty should be much, much higher.
‘White Hunter-ya’ congratulates him for his impressive secrecy.)
Bepo grumbles, tugging at the collar of his boiler suit. They’ve been underwater for days, hence the stuffiness. It only bothers him, really, being a polar bear mink and all. He has half a mind to shuck it off but his captain insists on terrorizing him; telling him the heat of the submarine will cause his thick, white fur to fall off.
He knows it’s teasing because Law always says it with a mean smile.
(But what if?)
He keeps the suit on.
—
“You seen Law today?”
Bepo’s ear twitches, turns to his side, and frowns.
“No, I’m not sure where he’s skittered off to for today. Can’t even smell him anywhere. Think he showered with that weird scent-blocking soap again.”
Penguin chews on his spoon, loudly exhaling through his nose before rolling his eyes, “If he showered.”
Shachi snorted beside him, adding onto the mean comment, “Haven’t seen him in the showers lately, that’s for sure.”
Bepo bristles, “He has his own shower at his private q─”
“He didn’t show up for lunch either.” A crewmate in front of him points out, it’s completely off topic and irrelevant and─
Yes, it’s true.
And he hates it.
Law hasn’t shown up at meal times, opting to swap a plate of food with a syringe or a scalpel or razors or any other medical supplies and it’s getting on Bepo’s nerves. Not only does he feel unwanted (he misses the way Law slightly leans on him when they eat), but it also scares everyone when they’re reaching for a freshly served plate of food and nearly grab a small pile of razors. Bepo grumbles again, gaining him a pat on his back from Penguin. A screech makes him look up from his soup─ Bepo sees the floating scalpel fall on the table with a clatter. A spoon disappearing right after that, a roll of bandages plopping in its place.
“Fuck you, Law!” Ikkaku shouts into the air, walking past the scalpel that was her dinner seconds ago and swats some other plate off the table.
—
They’re on the sea now.
On it, he stresses. Not in it.
He finds it delightful.
The second he can see clear sunlight from the round windows— not muddied and blurry by the water typically submerging them —he’s staggering out of the submarine. He slips on the dekc's wet wooden boards and falls with a grunt, but the cool salty air of the sea makes him feel like he can breathe again.
“Alright Bepo it isn't that stuffy in the sub,” Penguin calls from inside between chuckles, hearing the commotion.
“Yes it was.” He shouts back.
“I believe you’re greatly exaggerating, Bepo.”
And Law’s towering over him despite being around a foot shorter, all mean smile and tired, shaded eyes.
(His eyes look more tired than usual and are red rimmed, maybe from tears or exhaustion or both, but Bepo’s excitement easily overlooks it.)
He shoots up, now towering over Law, spreading his arms wide as he leans forward, “Captain!”
Law side steps, bored expression on his face as Bepo face-plants on the damp wood once again.
Bepo turns his head to the side, only really seeing Law’s heeled boots from the ground, and raises a brow at the other trying to regain his footing. Tripping wasn’t like Law. He raises his head, now able to look at Law properly. He isn’t as bored as he tried to come off, his eyes twitch and his jaw clenches as he crosses his arms. The surgeon takes a good two steps back, visually easing up at the distance.
Sitting up, Bepo frowns.
Law’s dressed for cold weather.
“Law,” He says, whiny, “it’s too hot to be in a coat.”
“I dress how I want.”
Stubborn as always.
Bepo’s convinced Law’s steaming himself inside that thick black coat. Under those leather lined gloves. Under those skinny jeans he insists on wearing. And Bepo’s right, he can see the sweat on Law’s throat trail under his coat. His hair’s disheveled, and he looks uncomfortable all of a sudden. Bepo realizes he’s stared for too long. He doesn’t know what to say. It’s been silent for too long.
“You look thinner,” Is what he decides on. It’s a bit stupid, because what happened to ‘Hello’ and ‘How are you?’. Because Law’s only closed himself off for around a week and the most he’s lost are maybe three or four pounds.
Even so, gold eyes narrow defensively as Law straightens his back.
He’s trying so hard to keep an air of calm. If Bepo didn’t know him better, he’d fall for it.
Law’s an exceptional liar.
“What’s wrong?” Bepo stands up, starting to walk towards Law, but freezes before he even takes a step when Law instantly backs up further.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” The surgeon replies, tone sharp and clipped, “I told you not to worry.”
Damn the captain’s orders, because Bepo’s worrying.
Because, what if Law’s having another one of his episodes? The ones where he retreats from everyone and insists on not being touched because he's sick and he’ll get everyone infected and they have to get out of the fucking submarine now, now, no ─
“Why are you here, Law?”
“Can I not be on my own submarine?”
Bepo leans on the railing and crosses his arms. They stare at each other for some seconds, and Law’s sighing irritatedly when Bepo droops his ears, amping it up by frowning.
“Stop acting cute.” He snaps, breaking eye contact and snapping his head to the side, “I just needed to see a familiar face.”
“Oh. Are you feeling okay? Where’s your hat?”
Law shakes his head, brows furrowing minutely as his jaw clenches again and his lips wobble, voice tight, “Couldn’t bear to look at it. The spots reminded me of my skin. They reminded me of─ of him. ”
Bepo has no idea what he’s talking about. He doesn’t know who he is but Law looked about ready to implode when he said that. His captain makes a sound at the back of his throat, processing whatever he said before glancing at Bepo with redder wide eyes.
Bepo sees in Law’s teary eyes when he decides he’s said too much, but the surgeon shambles off the deck before he’s questioned further, a familiar spotted hat falling in his place.
—
Bepo has a pretty good idea of where his captain’s at.
The hat’s soft under his fuzzy paws as he keeps nervously playing with it, twisting his way through monotonous gray hallways towards the captain’s private quarters. What’ll he open the door to? What if Law’s making himself throw up again because he insists that he won’t keep the food down anyway because he’s sick, sick, sicksicksick─ What if Law’s playing another dumb game of ‘how many days can I go without sleeping before I pass out in front of my crew?’
Law gives him a brief explanation once. It’s the most he’s opened up to Bepo, even if it barely was anything. Law tells him the tall blond man won’t leave his dreams. His sweet, comforting words won’t leave his head and his warm arms around his past self are imprinted on his skin and all it does is feed the guilt and grief in the surgeon’s heart as livid revenge and regret steadily drips into his bloodstream. Law never gave him a name, he said he had long forgotten the man’s name.
(Bepo knew Law remembered, he could tell by the way his breaths stuttered and his throat bobbed.
He could tell Law simply couldn’t say the name without breaking down.
“I miss him dearly.”
Law tells Bepo he loves the tall, blond man; even if he can’t bear the memories anymore.
He tells Bepo he wishes he’d said it back.)
Bepo opens the door to the captain’s quarters, and Law’s─
He’s sleeping.
His room’s relatively clean in Bepo’s eyes, the only thing actually messy being his desk; books, papers, pens, syringes, and scalpels splayed all across the wooden surface. The room smells slightly of vomit, and Bepo’s nose twitches in distaste. His stomach twists. Law’s on his side, back facing the door and his chest rising steadily before dropping with his breaths. He’s still in those damn winter clothes and Bepo’s suffocating from just seeing him.
He steps into the room, carefully closing the door behind him.
Law’s an extremely light sleeper, has always been ever since Bepo met him. Again, it must be something he picked up when young. Bepo sets the hat on the messy desk, making his way into the bed without waking Law up. Law’s zipped his coat down to his chest, certainly searching for some cool relief before snoozing. Despite the sweat pooled on his collarbones or shining on his chest, he snuggles into Bepo almost immediately.
Bepo hugs Law’s back, pulling him close, and stops trying to figure out if it’s tears or sweat on the surgeon’s blotchy red cheeks.
─
He wakes up to panicked words and flailing limbs.
Law’s technically under him, patting─ nearly slapping ─his hands on Bepo’s back to get him off. So Bepo sits up quickly and tries to ignore the dizziness of such a sudden movement right after waking up. He yawns, big jaws revealing white sharp teeth and a pink tongue. Law beside him is busy chucking his coat off, gasping for air and lying back down face up, chest heaving.
As soon as his breathing has evened out, his panic picks up again tenfold, barely managing panicked words through a tight throat. Bepo drapes himself on Law’s back, and he can feel the aggressive full-body shiver the other gives.
“Bepo─,” Law gasps, “Get off me. I’m serious, get off me. There may be time to─”
A heave of his chest cuts him off, and Law opts to pressing his hands to his face and using his powers to get off the bed. Bepo barely swerves back to dodge a thick book nearly falling right on his snout. Law, however, is too busy pressing his back against the cool metal of the door with shaking legs and sweaty hands.
“Law,” Bepo tries, scooting to sit on the edge of the bed.
“Bepo,” Law replies, slowly sliding the cold door. He gives another awful shiver, whimpering at the cold unforgiving metal against his bare back.
“Bepo. I’m sick.”
“What? You look pretty healthy to me.”
“No, no. I’m sick , Bepo. Fatally. Can’t you see it?”
Bepo twists his head, he tilts it to the sides, feeling his ears flop with the movements. With a sigh and a shrug, he says, “I don’t see none.”
Law’s breath stutters, and his breaths go from labored to slightly labored. Bepo pats himself on the back for the achievement, even if it was completely accidental.
Wide eyes stare at him. Bepo doesn’t mention the tears slipping from Law’s eyes, “Really?”
“Yes, really.” Bepo confirms.
“Bepo,” Law stutters out, suddenly stripping and kicking off his two-inch-heeled boots, followed by the drag of thick denim over his scrawny hips, “Bepo, give me─ give me a check-up.”
“Wh─”
“Give me a check-up!” Law repeats, angry eyebrows furrowed as if he wasn’t looking like a lunatic. If standing in front of a polar bear mink clad only in black briefs and shivering from panic and cold metal walls is anything to go off of.
“What do you mean?”
“Look─ look at me.” He raises his arms, turning around a couple seconds later, “Do you see anything?”
“Uh,” Bepo squints, and all he sees is lithe muscle adorned by slightly discolored splotches on Law’s torso, but those have been there for as long as he’s known Law, “no, I don’t see anything, Cap. What am I looking for, again?”
“The spots!” Law stresses, fresh tears coming into view when he turns back around to face Bepo.
“Law, you always mention these spots but I don’t know what they are. You’re not sick, Law.” He walks up to Law, pulls a shirt on his head and manhandles the surgeon’s arms through the sleeves because god knows Law shouldn’t be inspecting this body a second longer, “You’re not sick.”
“You don’t─”
“Listen to me, Law.” And Bepo sees when Law shuts down, tears cut short and replaced by occasional sniffles, “I’ll repeat as many times as I have to. You aren’t sick. You’re healthy and the best doctor out in these seas.”
Law stands there.
Processes the words.
And promptly drags Bepo to the ground with him.
Bepo lies down, and Law quickly follows, resting against the side of Bepo’s stomach. He’s quiet, but in an unusual way that Bepo understands as ‘I don’t know what to do with myself’. So, with a heavy paw he pets Law’s hair. He ignored the violent flinch from the other, and also ignored how sweaty and greasy his hair is. Law’s eyes flutter, the heavy petting grounding.
“Sorry,” he mumbles.
“‘S okay,” Bepo pushes on Law’s chest a bit until he’s lying on Bepo’s stomach, “you’re too in your head.”
Law hums, closing his eyes.
They burn terribly.
“I’ve been thinking.”
Bepo eggs him on, “Yeah?”
He doesn’t mean it teasingly, but Law takes it that way. He rolls his eyes as he sulks further, “...But you won’t like it. It’s not remotely healthy nor sane. Though it isn’t insane. At least I wouldn’t think so. These are mundane thoughts to me.”
His poorly-hidden concern causes him to rumble at the back of his throat, the sound vibrating through his body, prompting another shudder from Law. as harmless as it’s meant to be, it also comes off as a warning. Law doesn’t even bother with trying to lie.
“I’ve been thinking of hurting myself.”
The confession barely makes it through tight lips, and it leaves Law looking green. Bepo doesn’t blame him. His stomach also twists unpleasantly at the words.
“Is that why you keep swapping things for sharp medical supplies?” He ponders, adding, "And haven't used you devil fruit?"
“Ah. I guessed you’d catch on eventually.” Law pauses, grimacing, “But, yes. I’d rather not fall back into old habits. Having luring things out of my sight helps, but the ever-present thought of my ‘scalpel’ ability refuses to leave me alone.”
Bepo whines. Law’s an awfully open book today, for his secretive standards. Bepo wishes he’d elaborate on all these grim things he’s saying. So he opens his mouth to press on these matter, but closes it when he sees Law cross his arms firmly and rest his head further back. The familiar gesture means Law’s done talking.
With years of understanding, Bepo knows that anything he says will end up in a frustrating back and forth with his captain that’ll lead to nothing.
He stays quiet. Unbearably so.
“Bepo,” Law whispers, turning his body to face him with an unreadable expression, “I’d like to tell you of him.”
“Who?”
Law’s throat bobs, and Bepo really thinks he’ll just back out and stay quiet, but Law opens his mouth to mutter, “Cora-san.”
“Who?” He repeats dumbly, and a smile breaks out on Law’s face.
He counts it as another win, giving himself another pay in the back because Law’s newly watery eyes seem to dry up at that.
The surgeon snorts, raising a hand to rub at the thick fur of Bepo’s stomach.
“The tall, blond man I told you about.”
“Oh! Should I call Shachi and Penguin? Can they listen too?”
Law shakes his head, far too comfortable to be disturbed. He’ll tell them some other time.
“It’s alright. Besides, I’d like to start now,” His eyes close, wobbly lips smiling fondly, “it’s quite a long story."