Chapter Text
Whistler’s breathing was erratic.
Lucy wished she could just wake her up, ask her quietly about what frightened her, comfort her. She wished.
Wished. She knows she can’t. They don’t know each other that well, and it most definitely would come off as creepy.
She briefly wondered when did this kind of wishful thinking spark inside of her. She’s been wanting to be closer lately. Talk more, hear more of Kate — and could she be faulted, really? Kate Whistler was as interesting as one could be. By the glimpses of what her and her friends called ‘off-duty Whistler’, Kate was tough just as much as she was sweet; stern just as much as she was kind. She was cool.
Lucy wondered more than once if they were friends. Well, they were most definitely past the line of acquaintances so, they technically were, indeed, friends. Close friends? No, definitely not. Yet, here she is, sitting on her couch with an asleep Kate Whistler resting her head on her shoulder.
They had decided that Lucy would be the host of this month’s game night. She accepted in a heartbeat (not that she had a choice in the first place). They all had a nice night, full of laughs, and bickering, and “you’re cheating”s. They quickly got tired of the board games and, somehow, by midnight they were all either sitting on or by the couch, too entertained with a random movie they chose.
(“Oh… This one is definitely bad,” Kai said, standing up as he held the controller.
“Put it on! Let’s judge it,” Jesse answered.
“I love bad movies. It’s a beautiful art form and it needs to be appreciated,” Ernie added.
They did not judge it. They cried. A lot.)
Eventually, everyone went home. At the end of the day, they were all adults. Everyone had work in the morning, kids to take care of.
Everyone went home, but Whistler. While they were all probably already sleeping peacefully in the comfort of their own homes, Kate was still in Lucy’s house. Sleeping? Sure. Peacefully? Definitely not.
Wake her up? Don’t wake her up?
At some point near the end of the movie, Kate drifted off into sleep, her head falling with a faint thud on Lucy’s left shoulder
She was breathing heavily, restless. Lucy could almost hear Kate’s heart pounding — and it broke her heart to see her like this. Not only because she absolutely hated the knowledge that Kate was probably having a nightmare, but also because she felt like she was somehow invading Kate’s space, trespassing into her life. She wasn’t meant to see this, she wasn’t supposed to acknowledge this side of Kate.
Wake her up? Don’t wake her up?
She wondered what was the source of Whistler’s restlessness, but quickly shut down the thought. She had no right to just go on wondering that kind of stuff. How dare she?
She felt Kate shudder, and was suddenly filled with guilt. It’ll be better if I just wake her up, she thought. Just as Lucy lifted her hand to wake her up, a voice stopped her.
“Lucy?”, she heard, soft and confused. Kate was awake.
Slowly, Kate lifted her head, moving a little further away from Lucy. In contrast to her usual assertive behaviour, she was shy, moving away.
Vulnerable.
“Hey,” she answered, just as softly, a gentle smile displayed on her lips.
Whistler looked around, still confused, her mind a little fuzzy with sleepiness. “I- Where is everybody?”
Lucy thought she looked cute. “They all went home about an hour ago. You crashed on my couch and I didn’t have the heart to wake you up.”
Kate gaped, then hid her own face behind her hands, embarrassed. “Ugh. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to pass out like that–” Her voice was muffled, frustrated.
Lucy stopped her immediately, reaching out gently and pushing her hands out of her face. “Hey, hey, stop. No need to apologise. I’m glad you got some rest,” she argued, earnest, and Kate smiled. “Really.”
Kate shifted on her seat, slowly relaxing her shoulders, and some slightly awkward variation of a comfortable silence fell over them. It wasn’t exactly comfortable. There was some awkwardness in the air. The awkwardness that was inevitably present between two people who barely know each other, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. They didn’t feel any urge to say something. It was soothing in its own way.
Time seemed to stand still as Kate stared at a random spot. Lucy tried not to look at her too much, which was, admittedly, very hard.
Finally, she broke the silence. “So…” Whistler jolted slightly, like she forgot Lucy was there at all. “Penny for your thoughts?”
Kate smiled sadly, then sighed. “I don’t wanna depress you.”
Lucy frowned. She hated seeing people sad. The people pleaser inside her died a little every time she saw someone sad. “You won’t,” she reassured, scooting a little closer. “Try me.”
She appreciated Lucy’s interest, really, but she just couldn’t do it. If she was honest with herself, she doesn’t think she’ll ever be able to talk about it. It’s too much, too personal. Not even her parents know much about it. Lucy is a great person, but they barely know each other. “Nothing much. Nightmare.”
“Mmh,” she acknowledged. “I thought so. You were kind of… restless. While you were sleeping.”
It was Kate’s turn to frown. “Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Ugh,” she said, resting her head on her hand, then rubbing her face. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”
“Don’t be. That’s okay.” She smiled, and, as if sensing Kate’s slight discomfort with the subject, switched the topic. “I’m gonna get you some comfier clothes. It’s too late for you to go home.”
“I– What? No!” She tried to protest, but Lucy was already standing up and walking to her closet. “Lucy, there’s no need, I’m serious. I can just call an Uber.”
“Nope. Too late,” she said, loudly, as she walked from the closet to the couch. “You’ve lost your going home rights. Stuck in here until further notice.” She offered Kate a plain blue t-shirt and matching blue shorts.
Kate couldn’t help but chuckle. “Has anyone ever told you you’re very stubborn?”
“Every day.” She sat next to Kate again. “Please make yourself home. You can use whatever you want, no need to even ask. There’s some pizza from today left in the fridge, so just warm it in the microwave if you feel hungry. Or, you know, if you’re a chef you can cook yourself something. I don’t mind. Just leave some for me,” she said, playfully, and Kate giggled.
“Well then you’ll starve because I am the worst cooker.”
Lucy gasped. “Criminal! Guess I’ll just have to give you some lessons,” she replied before standing up again. “You can get the bed.”
“Huh?”
“My bed. You can sleep on it.”
Kate went silent for five seconds, then couldn’t hold a little chuckle from leaving her throat. “Well, first of all, I won’t be sleeping anytime soon, and secondly, even if I was about to sleep, I would not take the bed.”
“Yes you will take the bed.”
“Lucy, please, there’s no need. You’ll make me feel bad.”
“I don’t wanna hear it! I’m not gonna sleep on it anyway. But if you sleep on the bed, I’ll sleep on the couch, and if you refuse to sleep on the bed, I’ll sleep on the floor,” she threatened. Kate never felt so betrayed. “Are you gonna make me sleep on the floor, Whistler? How unflattering of you! I offer you my house, my home! And all I get back is ingratitude!” She continued, playfully.
“That’s unfair!”
“I never said it was gonna be fair. Now go, chop-chop. Out of my bed. Go change,” she said, shooing Kate away with her hands. Kate couldn’t believe the audacity.
She went to the bathroom with a smile on her lips.
She felt a lot lighter.
They just quietened a bit after that. Kate used the bathroom, then Lucy lazily did her night routine. When the clock bordered on 2 AM, Lucy felt tired. She had been feeling tired ever since her friends went home, if she was completely honest. But when she left the bathroom she saw Kate sitting on the couch, her gaze fixed on a random point, like earlier, seemingly wide awake. She couldn’t just leave Kate with her own thoughts and go to sleep.
She sat back down on the couch, where Kate stayed still, thinking. Lucy doesn’t mind her privateness. “Sleepy?” She asked, softly, slurring her words a little.
Kate blinked, then looked at her. “Sorry?”
“I said,” she got a little closer. “Sleepy?”
She chuckled. “No, no. I’m not gonna sleep anytime soon, as I said. That’s actually one of the reasons you should–”
“Shh. I won’t take the bed. Give up, Whistler.” She poked her friend, her voice quiet. “You’re annoying. I never knew you were this annoying.”
Kate giggled. “I’m annoying, you’re stubborn, we make a great duo,” she commented, smiling, and Lucy looked at her with narrowed eyes, playfully judging her comment. “And, well, I do work at the FBI. How do you think I got that? By asking nicely? Uh-uh!” She held her finger up. “I annoyed them into hiring me,” she joked.
“That’s almost like… Bullying,” Lucy replied, an entertained smile on her lips.
“Well, what can I say, guess I’m just a little bad.”
They giggled, then quietened again.
They both found themselves enjoying each other’s quiet presence more than they expected.
Then:
“Is this about the dream? You not being able to sleep?” She blurted out, and was met with silence and a gaping Kate. She shook her head, moving her hands in denial, immediately regretting saying it. “Forget it, I’m sorry, that’s none of my business. I didn’t mean to be invasive–”
“No, no, that’s okay. I just didn’t expect you to care, I guess,” Kate replied, a reassuring smile displayed on her lips. “I appreciate the concern. Really.”
Lucy smiled back. “You don’t need to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
“That’s okay.” She breathed deeply, a heavy sigh leaving her lungs as if it was hard for Kate to breathe correctly. Her problem wasn't with saying she had nightmares, after all, but with talking about the… content of said nightmares. “I just… have those bad dreams sometimes. I can never predict them. Sometimes they come after I had a bad day, sometimes after I have a great day. It alters slightly from time to time but…” She stared longingly into a random spot of the room, her eyes becoming sad, all of a sudden. “Generally it goes the same way every time. But me knowing what’s gonna happen doesn’t make it feel any less real or frightening, I guess.”
Kate looked absolutely crushed. She seemed so sad, resenting, and Lucy would give anything to have the right answers at that moment. Something that would be comforting, that would quieten Kate’s brain.
But she didn’t. And it saddened her. She swore that, for a split second, she felt Whistler’s pain.
“I’m sorry you have to go through this. It sucks. A lot,” she said, mindlessly reaching out for her arm, stroking it gently in an attempt to comfort. She smiled weakly, and received another smile back. She felt a spark of happiness inside of her as she realised Kate’s smile looked genuine. “Is there anything I can do for you? Maybe distract you? Or, you know, if you’d like to talk about it, I’m here for you.”
Kate is unable to remember the last time she heard an “I’m here for you” as earnest as Lucy’s. “It’s fine, really, I don’t wanna keep you awake–”
“So there is something I can do.” Busted. “I won’t sleep, Whistler. Talk. Now.”
She chuckled weakly, sighing in defeat. “I guess I could use a distraction.”
Immediately, Lucy started to ramble about a movie she’d watched. Kate found herself unable to hide how surprised she was at both how fast Lucy snapped into action and how quickly she could jump from topic to topic, and she wondered how many times Lucy had kept someone entertained like this to prevent them from thinking things they didn’t want to.
She was a good friend. A great friend.
Whistler was quick to follow her lead, picking up her pace. In no time, she was nodding, and smiling, and making comments on what Lucy said but, mostly, Lucy did all the talking. She went from movies, to music, to tv shows, to work. At some point, Lucy suggested that they went from the couch to her bed, seeing as the bed was bigger and “provided more space for her to gesture when talking,” according to her. It was a terrible excuse, and Kate knew she was trying to make them switch places because then if she accidentally slept, it would be on the bed, not the couch, but she let Lucy take her with her anyway. She was too tired to argue with her right now.
As Lucy kept talking, Kate realised: there was something about Lucy’s voice. Something calming, soothing.
It was like the night breeze. Like looking at the stars when it’s past midnight. Like soft rain tapping on your window. Kate wondered how could she have never realised that ever before. She also wondered multiple times whether or not it would be weird to suggest that Lucy took a voice acting job or something like that. She just wanted Lucy to record an audiobook, make a podcast, so she could hear her voice for hours. She could be saying the stupidest things, and Kate would still listen to it with a happy smile. It was therapeutic, really.
When they laid on the bed, Kate on her side with a hand beneath a pillow, and Lucy with her head on the opposite side of the bed, laying on her stomach and hugging another pillow, Kate felt tired and heavy. And as Lucy continued talking, now about this page she found that was made purely to post pictures of cute animals, her voice soft and her eyes twinkling, Kate slowly drifted off into sleep.
Lucy watched with a happy smile as an asleep Kate moved unconsciously on her bed, curling up, hugging her own legs sleepily.
She cautiously got up, fumbling with the blankets on her wardrobe. With even more care, she tiptoed to the bed, blanket in hands, until she was right next to Kate.
She draped the blanket carefully around Kate’s body and left the room.
Evidence one: Lucy is actually pretty cool.
As it turns out, Lucy was truly delightful to be around. She was funny, and caring, and her presence was so worryingly comforting that Kate wondered if she should keep her guards up for longer.
Everything felt easier with Lucy around.
She was amazing.
Evidence two: Lucy liked Kate’s companion (And Kate liked her’s).
After the night she spent at Lucy’s, they started to get a bit closer. At first only because of Lucy’s initiatives.
The first afternoon immediately after that night, Lucy bumped into Kate at work. “Hey, you.”
Kate looked back at her, clearly just now realising it was Lucy. “Oh, Lucy! Hey! How are you?”
Lucy huffed. “Tired. Too much paperwork. It’s a pain.” Kate chuckled at Lucy’s hatred for paperwork, and Lucy gave herself an imaginary fist bump. “How are you? Did you get any sleep last night?”
Kate hesitated, taken aback by the question. “Uh– yeah! Yes, I did, thanks for asking. Your rambling was very calming.”
Lucy smiled brightly. “Well, I’m glad to be of service. See ya?”
A shy smile took over Whistler’s lips without her consent. “Yeah. See ya.”
A week later, they coincidentally met at a line, waiting for coffee.
Kate was looking worriedly at her wristwatch when a hand touched her shoulder.
“Whistler!” She heard the voice first, the giddy tone with which her name was called reaching her senses before she could turn to see the person’s face.
(She already knew who it was without even looking.)
She smiled, turning to the person. “Lucy. I thought that was you.”
“You thought right! Waiting for some coffee?” She said, getting a little closer to Kate, essentially cutting in line.
Whistler tsk’d Lucy. “You think you’re smooth, Special Agent,” she said, playfully, shaking her head. “You’re lucky I owe you one. And yes I am. Clearly.”
“Rude,” Lucy replied, looking at her with narrow eyes. “I forgive you, though.”
Kate furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. “I didn’t apo–”
“Buhbuhbuh! You’re welcome. I know, I am too good. So, coffee date?”
Kate smiled, amused at Lucy’s cockiness, and rolled her eyes halfheartedly. “You’re annoying.”
With time, Kate started to make some moves, too. She had become increasingly afraid that Lucy would think their friendship (friendship?) was one-sided and stop asking her to do stuff together.
That said, two weeks after the night, on a morning where Kate was at Lucy’s department to help with a case, Kate casually held up a box of donuts. “Brunch?”
Lucy gaped, smiling, then stood up and got a donut, seeming happier than ever. “You’re the light of my life, Whistler!”
Evidence three: Lucy’s presence did wonders to Kate.
She probably could listen to Lucy talk for hours. She would seriously pay a crazy amount of money for a 10-hour podcast of Lucy just speaking nonstop. It was good. It was soothing. It was calming.
With the passing of the weeks, Kate slowly started to notice some of Lucy’s mannerisms. How Lucy would bite her lip whenever she smiled too big. How Lucy liked to touch the people she cared for constantly. How warm she was all the time.
Most importantly (and most concerningly), evidence four: Lucy was the only thing that made Kate sleep whenever she was nervous.
Exactly thirty-four days after the night, Lucy received a call late at night, while she was watching a movie. She checked her clock: 3AM. She picked her phone, humming in surprise when she saw the caller: ‘Whistler’. She picked up. “Hey! What’s up?”
She heard a sniff and fast short breaths on the other side of the line. “Hi, Lucy,” she heard, broken and sad. “I’m sorry for bothering you so late at night I–” She stopped momentarily, recollecting her thoughts. “I didn’t have anyone else to call. I don’t know who else to call. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay! It’s okay. It’s completely fine, really.” She tried to make sure Kate understood that she should never feel guilty for this. “Don’t apologise. I’m here for you, you’re not bothering me. You never will. Whenever you’re feeling bad, you can call me, okay?”
Silence, then a sniff, followed by a broken “okay.”
“Okay,” she echoed, in an attempt of comforting. “What’s wrong? How can I help?”
Kate breathed in before answering. “Nightmares,” she said, softly, like saying it any louder would make it worse. “It’s worse today.” They stayed silent for some seconds, maybe a minute. Lucy, even though she’d never admit it, felt scared. Scared because Kate trusted her enough to call her in a moment of fragility. Scared that she’d say something wrong and accidentally break Kate.
With the time they spent together, Lucy realised more and more that no one is really that fearless and stern. Everyone wears masks. When the show is done, everyone has their fears and insecurities. Kate was only human..
Then Kate spoke. “Can you just talk to me? Like you did the other day?”
Lucy was rendered speechless. “Of course. Of course! Yeah, if that helps.”
“It does,” Whistler confirmed. “Which is very surprising considering how annoyed I am by you,” she added, halfheartedly, a hint of playfulness in her tone.
Lucy smiled. “Aww, you love me too much, you’re gonna make me cry.”
“Goal achieved, then. Not by the means I wished for, but it’s great anyways.” Her voice was becoming increasingly less muffled, less tense.
Half an hour later, Lucy was met with silence when she asked Kate if she wanted to have brunch and talk tomorrow.
“Whistler?” She asked, softly, afraid she’d wake Kate up if she fell asleep. “Still with me?”
The silence told Lucy that no, Kate wasn’t still with her.
Lucy smiled to herself, amused by the idea of an asleep Kate with a phone in her hands. “Sleep well, Whistler,” she whispered, then hung up.
Lucy woke up the next day to a photo of Kate with an iPhone shaped mark on her right cheek.
Whistler: 📎 Photo.
Whistler: I guess my face didn’t enjoy our talk as much as I did.