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The sound of breaking glass in the bedroom next to his is what first caught his attention.
It was past midnight and the Dagger Squad’s shared house off-base was almost empty. While most of their crew was hanging out at the Hard Deck celebrating another successful mission, Bob had stayed in this time, choosing to pick up a book that he had been meaning to read for a while. As far as he knew, only he and Halo were in the house. The latter was keeping busy in the kitchen if the clattering sound of baking trays and the scent of cinnamon wafting throughout the house were anything to go by.
He had just finished a chapter and decided it would be the perfect time to head downstairs and steal one of Halo’s famous cinnamon rolls while they were still warm when he heard it. A sound that can only be that of shattering glass coming from the room next to his that was supposed to be empty. Spark’s room. All earlier thoughts of cinnamon rolls had disappeared, and a frown formed on his face. Bob thought back to when he last saw Spark at dinner time. The entire squad had been in a great mood as they had just finished another successful mission and were ready to celebrate that night.
But did he see her leave with the others earlier that night? He couldn’t remember.
His knocks on Spark’s door went unanswered, only adding to the anxious feeling building in his chest. He had only known the newest and youngest member of the Dagger Squad for a few weeks, but he had instantly clicked with her and they had grown quite close in that short period. And now, without being certain that she wasn’t home, he couldn’t shake the feeling that something wrong was going on behind the closed bedroom door in front of him.
“Spark? If you’re in there, could you please answer?” He knocked again, louder this time.
Still no answer.
“Spark? I’m coming in, okay?”
Bob twisted the doorknob and slowly pushed the door open, not knowing what he would find behind it. There were no lights on inside the room, but the light streaming in from the hallway showed a figure standing right next to Spark’s bed, standing stock-still and with their face turned towards him. It wasn’t until he flipped the light switch next to the door that he saw it was Spark, and his heart immediately sank when he noticed the way she was looking at him. Her eyes were big and filled with terror and, even from where he was standing in the doorway, he could see how her entire body seemed to tremble. Something terrified her, but he could not spot any immediate threats or reasons for this as he scanned the room.
“Spark? What happened?”
She remained still, except for the shaking, which seemed to get worse. She was still looking at him in fear, and he wanted nothing more at that moment than to wrap her up in his arms and shield her from anything or anyone who might have caused her to be so afraid.
Bob took a few slow steps towards the young woman, wanting to close the distance between them, hoping of providing some comfort. He knew she struggled with anxiety and had seen both Ice and Mav comfort their niece in the past when things became too overwhelming. He was trying to remember the exact things that Ice always said to Spark to calm her down when he noticed she had started to move. She seemed to take a step back for every step he took forward, her breathing increasing and becoming shallow.
He could hear a crushing sound as she moved away from him and, as he looked down towards her feet, he could see the source of the sound he had heard minutes before while he was reading. She seemed to have knocked down the glass of water on her nightstand and was walking right through the shards that remained of it. Her face, however, showed no pain as the carpet below her feet turned a sickening crimson with every step she took.
His heart was pounding in his chest as he picked up his pace towards her, arms out to grab hers and pull her close to him once he could close the distance between them.
“No, I didn’t mean to. Please don’t hurt me. Please.”
Bob froze. He would have missed the woman’s whispers if he hadn’t been looking at her face and hadn’t seen her mouth move. Spark was still moving backwards, even though he had ceased moving. She moved until her back hit the bedroom wall, sinking down and hugging her knees close to her body. Bob could see the wetness of tears staining her cheeks while he was still trying to process the words she had just spoken.
They made little sense to him. She seemed convinced that she had upset him and that whatever it was would lead to him hurting her. He realised something had happened in her past to make her react this way, but he was at a loss for how to help her get through what was appearing to be a flashback of some sort.
He moved his hands up to hold them out in front of him, trying to convey to Spark that he would not hurt her, and started moving back towards the door.
“I do not know how I can help you right now, even though I wish I could, because it breaks my heart to see you like this. But I’m going to get help, okay? I’ll be gone for just a minute, but I’m right here in the hallway.” He turned and started moving down the hall as soon as his feet crossed the threshold of the room, calling for Halo before he even reached the stairs.
“Halo! I need you up here now! Bring your phone!”
He was back in the door opening to Spark’s room seconds later, his knuckles turning white from the tight grip he had on the doorpost. He could feel himself grow more frustrated by the second from not knowing how to help someone he loved. It pained him to see her looking so small, nothing like the confident and bright naval aviator that he knew her as.
Spark was still on the floor, rocking back and forth. He could see her lips moving, but couldn’t hear what she was saying from where he was standing.
Bob could hear hurried footsteps racing up the stairs and down the hall not long after. He moved towards Halo, not wanting Spark to see another person standing in the doorway when that might frighten her more.
“What’s going on? Who do I need to call?” A worried look was visible on Halo’s face as she came to a stop in front of Bob.
“We need to get Ice or Mav here as quickly as possible. Something’s wrong with Spark.”
Bob explained what had happened since he had found Spark. A brief look of concern passed over Halo’s face before it changed to one of focus as she sprung into action, unlocking her phone and dialling a number before pacing up and down the hall. Bob made his way back over to Spark’s room, looking into the room at his friend, whose features were still panic-stricken. The rapid rise and fall of her chest indicated that she was borderline hyperventilating, yet her face showed no sign of this, her eyes still glued to where he was standing on the threshold.
It looked as if her body and mind had disconnected from each other and that while the effects of her panic were catching up with her body, her mind was not aware of this at all. Her mind seemed too caught up with whatever had caused this and everything else came second to that.
He was so focused on Spark and his thoughts on what could have caused this state, that he nearly jumped when Halo spoke again. He hadn’t even noticed her ending the call and walking back to him.
“The others are on their way. I told them what you told me, and Mav said it sounded like a flashback and that she’d had those before. He sounded worried, though. Rooster’s driving, so they’ll be here soon. Knowing him, he’ll probably be speeding all the way here.”
“Spark is like a sister to him. They grew up together. I’d want to get to her as quickly as possible too if I were in his position.”
I know I would have if I had been at the Hard Deck tonight because she means the world to me even if I have been too afraid to admit it to myself before, is what he wanted to add, but he stopped himself before he could say it out loud. His feelings towards his friend and fellow aviator were not important right now. They wouldn’t be helpful in their current situation.
Bob and Halo kept an eye on Spark while waiting for the rest of their squad to return home, hearing the front door open and rushing footsteps heading in their direction after about 10 minutes. Ice, Mav and Rooster appeared on top of the stairs and things happened quickly after that.
Bob feels Rooster’s hands on his arms, trying to usher him and Halo towards the stairs, but his body doesn’t seem to remember how to move. He sees Ice and Mav rush past him, with Ice kneeling down and softly speaking to his niece as soon as he’s crossed the threshold. He can hear Maverick whisper to his husband that he’s going to get the first aid kit from their bathroom, pointing to the blood pooling around Spark’s feet. Ice only nods before returning his attention to the young woman across the room.
Oh. Bob thinks to himself. How did I forget about the glass?
The next thing he’s consciously aware of is that a steaming mug of tea is pushed into his hands and that he somehow made it downstairs. He’s sitting on one of the large couches in the living room and Phoenix is sitting on the coffee table right in front of him, reaching out to wipe something wet off his cheek. He hadn’t even noticed he was crying.
“I will not ask if you’re okay, because I know you aren’t. Halo told us what happened and I can’t imagine what you must be feeling right now. But I’m here if you want to talk about it. Whenever you’re ready, okay?”
He nods and takes a sip of the tea. It’s warm and made just the way he liked it, grounding him and slowing down the constant stream of thoughts rushing through his head. There’s one that still jumps out, though, and he knows it will haunt him for a long time.
“There’s something she said when I just found her,” he starts. He closes his eyes for a moment, hearing someone enter the room and feeling them sit down on the other side of the couch. When he opens his eyes again, he finds both Phoenix and Rooster looking at him. “She said that she didn’t mean to and asked me not to hurt her. She pleaded. I will never forget the look of utter terror on her face as she did.”
“This isn’t the first time this has happened and you have to know that it wasn’t you she was afraid of, Bob. There’s something that she’s gone through in the past that she sometimes experiences flashbacks to and you happened to be there. In her head, she saw you as the person who used to hurt her. You’re not to blame for any of this, and I need you to know that.” Rooster put a comforting hand on Bob’s arm before he continued.
“I know that it’s not my place to tell you about this, but you must understand why she reacted the way she did tonight. Spark’s last ex-boyfriend was abusive. He isolated her from her family and friends and used to take out his anger on her. We didn’t notice something was wrong until months later when she had shown up on base with a black eye and her captain at the time reported it. Ice and Mav got her out of that situation, but a lot of damage had already been done by that point.” Rooster sighed, a sad look gracing his features.
“I didn’t even know she stayed home. I thought she was at the Hard Deck with you guys,” Bob said after a moment.
“She told me she could feel a headache coming on after dinner and that she would stay home. You know how bad her headaches can get. She just wanted to sleep it off,” Phoenix told him.
Maverick entered the living room not long after, his gaze falling upon the three aviators present there. He could tell that Phoenix’s WSO was still shaken by what had happened, his fingers clutching onto the mug in his hand like a lifeline, keeping him grounded.
“She’s okay,” he starts, sitting down on the coffee table next to Phoenix before he continues. “I suppose okay is maybe the wrong word, because she isn’t right now, but she will be. Ice brought her back and managed to show her it was a flashback. That she is safe now. She’s exhausted, though, so Ice is staying with her until she falls asleep. She also asked for you, Bob.” A puzzling look crept onto the WSO’s face, prompting a further explanation from Maverick.
“Ice told her what happened, and that you found her. She’s upset that you saw that side of her, afraid she’s upset you and scared you away. With the way she was talking about it, it was clear how important you are to her. If you’re up for it, please go up and see her. I think it would be good for both of you.” Maverick looked at Bob with a soft smile, hoping the younger man would take his advice.
He had stood in the doorway the entire time Ice had been talking to Spark and witnessed up close what sort of effect the events of that night had on his niece. Spark hadn’t even seemed too upset about the flashback itself once Ice got her grounded again, even though it terrified her and she had still been shaking at that point, her body not yet having wound down from the adrenaline high. She was more upset and worried about her friendship with the tall aviator who was sitting opposite Maverick right now and how he might look at her from here on forward. She was afraid that he wouldn’t look at her the same way. That any sort of feelings he had towards her would vanish in an instant after witnessing what he just did.
Bob, putting his mug down on the table, shook Maverick out of his thoughts, and his eyes followed the younger man as he stood up and made his way out of the room and towards the stairs. He turned to Rooster and Phoenix.
“The others are still out on the porch, right? Let’s tell them what’s happened.”
—————————————————————————————————————————
Bob took a moment to collect himself when he stood just outside Spark’s room, not wanting to upset her by showing how much the night’s events affected him. He would push away his feelings if it meant that she would feel better.
Ice waved him in once he finally set foot on the threshold. He was seated on the edge of Spark’s bed, running a wet washcloth over her face while she lay in bed with her eyes closed.
“She complained of a headache,” he whispered. “It happens often after a flashback. She just needs to rest now.”
Ice’s whispers seemed to alert Spark to the fact that it wasn’t just the two of them in her room anymore, and she slowly opened her eyes. She appreciated that someone had turned off the ceiling light at some point; the soft glow of the small lamp on her nightstand was not too harsh on her eyes as she tried not to focus on the pounding feeling behind them. Her eyes moved to the person standing behind her uncle, a mix of anxiety and warmth flooding her system once she recognised them.
“Bob, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” She was pushing herself up into a sitting position while she said it, wanting to look Bob in the eyes as she apologised.
“You don’t have to apologise, Spark. You did nothing wrong. I just wish I could’ve helped you. I felt so helpless.”
Bob looked down at the carpet. He had never been good at voicing his feelings, but the overwhelming sense of helplessness he had felt earlier that night was something that he had never felt so strongly before.
He could hear whispers next to him, and Ice stood up before putting a hand on Bob’s shoulder.
“You did everything right, kid. You didn’t know. But you do now and you’re still here. That means a lot.” Ice gave him a small smile and pulled him in for a hug, something that Bob didn’t realise he needed so much until now. He returned the hug and eventually let go of Ice again, watching how the admiral bowed down to whisper something to Spark before making his way out of the room, leaving the two youngest members of the Dagger Squad on their own.
Spark was the first to break the silence.
“Sit with me?” She held out her hand to him, hoping that he would still take it after everything that had happened. He closed the distance between them and softly took her hand in his, stroking his thumb up and down in a soothing manner as he sat down on the edge of her bed.
“Always.”