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Things aren’t looking great.
The rain pours ceaselessly as Tighnari witnesses men blown to shreds from lightning strikes stronger than any he’d seen before. The thunder hurts his sensitive ears, but he presses on, firing arrows in rapid succession at the surviving Fatui.
Dehya approaches him, claymore in hand, and instead of her usual stoic demeanor, Tighnari sees fear in the way she bites her lower lip.
“This doesn’t look good,” she says. “We need to get out of here.”
Tighnari opens his mouth to agree, but–
His vision goes white. Heat and searing pain consume him and he opens his mouth to scream, but no sound comes out. His ears ring. Time seems to slow to a crawl–the cacophony of the storm is replaced with unnerving silence, and Tighnari can’t feel anything other than the burning sensation everywhere.
It’s so quiet.
He can’t move.
He thinks this might be what dying feels like, and his stomach drops.
All at once, his senses come flooding back–the sound of rain and the frigidity of his drenched clothes. Before he can move an inch, his body locks up completely and his knees buckle. He feels hands catch him right before he hits the ground and carefully lower him down. Dehya. He hears her talking with panic and desperation in her tone, but he can’t make out the words – the sound is muffled by the ringing in his ears. His chest is tight and breathing hurts. He’s dying for sure, he realizes.
He can’t help but wish to see Cyno one last time. To kiss his lips fervently and say “I love you” one last time. He’ll never have said it enough. He could say it a million times and it still wouldn’t be enough.
Tears form in his eyes–he’s painfully overstimulated as his body burns and he feels the remaining electricity coarse through him.
The muffled sounds of rain and talking fade along with his sight. Blackness. It’s almost a relief.
Tighnari is enshrouded by a vast darkness unlike anything he’d ever seen. There’s no up, down, left, or right. Just an all-consuming void that swallows him whole. He’s numb here, but maybe that’s better than the sensation of lightning burns.
For him, this is the end of everything, and there’s nothing.
He wants to go home. Gandharva Ville. Cyno, Collei, Karkata. His little family. He prays to any god that’ll listen— please let me see them again. He’d do anything to see them again.
He’s not sure if the gods hear him. The nothingness remains.
It feels almost as if a year had passed when Tighnari is roused by birds chirping and wind rustling through leaves. His ears twitch. The scent of herbs. Home.
Then, he then feels the pain return. He knows for sure, then—somehow, inexplicably, he’s alive.
He’s safe in his bed when he pries his eyes open. He realizes he can hear the normal bustle of people working—his hearing has returned, thank fuck. That’s one good thing, at least.
He makes an effort to sit up, and his head swims immediately. Familiar hands catch him immediately and gently push him back down.
Cyno. Of course he’s here. And if Tighnari’s being honest, he’s really, really reassured to see him, especially in his state of disorientation.
“Hey, easy,” Cyno says. “You really need to stay still right now, okay?”
There’s a million questions Tighnari could ask, but he’s already zeroed in on the concern etched deep in between Cyno’s eyebrows. Upon seeing it, Tighnari’s heart hurts immeasurably, rivaling even the pain that still radiates throughout his body.
“How are you feeling?” Cyno asks.
“Fine.” His voice comes out croaky despite his best efforts. Damn it. “It’s really not that bad, general.”
It’s a lie, and a terrible one at that, Tighnari realizes as he sees the incredulous look Cyno gives him. Tighnari’s hopes of comforting him are crushed. He’s far too much of an empath and a worrywart, because he wants so badly to fix it, to see his smile again so he’ll know things will be okay. Even when Tighnari is struggling himself, he’s known to push through it and put on a brave face for the ones he loves. It’s the only way he knows how to survive.
“Do you know what happened to you?” Cyno asks.
Tighnari pauses. “Lightning... I think.” His skull still pounds, and words don’t come easy to him. He’s lucky Cyno is always so patient with him.
“Yes,” Cyno says, then swiftly looks away. He looks like he intended to say more, but he’s holding back for some reason.
Tighnari takes Cyno’s hand and squeezes it, unable to handle seeing his lover look so sad. His ears droop, his tail swishing with anxiety. “What’s wrong? Please tell me.”
Cyno squeezes back, sighing, but stays silent. Tighnari knows him well enough to know that he just needs a moment to collect his thoughts. He runs his thumb over Cyno’s knuckles and waits patiently.
Cyno clears his throat, sucks in a big breath, and finally speaks. “Tighnari. After the lightning hit you, you died.” His voice wavers and Tighnari can feel his hand trembling. “You wouldn’t be here right now if Dehya hadn’t done CPR.”
“Oh,” Tighnari says, because it’s all he knows how to say in response to such information. What can he even say to reassure Cyno that he’s alright now? His brain stalls.
Cyno wipes his eyes, and Tighnari realizes they’re filled with tears. Tighnari tenses, internally panicking. No, this is bad. He can’t stand to see Cyno like this. “Cyno?” he says in a small voice. “Are you okay? Please talk to me.”
“Fuck, ‘Nari,” Cyno sobs. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if I had lost you.” He puts his head in his hands. “Just. Fuck. I love you so much.”
“I love you so much, too,” Tighnari whispers. He opens his arms, beckoning Cyno to come closer. “Please c’mere.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t, I promise. Just do it, you asshole,” he says affectionately, punching Cyno’s arm lightly.
Cyno relents and does as he’s told. Tighnari lifts his blanket to cover Cyno as well, then guides his head to rest on his chest – the side that’s not covered in bandages.
“That’s better,” Tighnari mumbles as he runs his hands through Cyno’s soft, messy hair. Tighnari’s shirt becomes wet with tears, but it doesn’t matter – Cyno’s comfort is all that matters. “Can you hear my heartbeat?”
“Yes.”
“That means I’m still alive, doesn’t it? Don’t think I would’ve just tapped out that easily.”
“I didn’t–”
“Hush. I’m speaking,” Tighnari says. “I’m gonna be okay. I’m resilient – you know that more than anybody.” He rests his chin on the top of Cyno’s head, breathes in the comforting smell of his hair–desert flowers and sand.
Cyno lets himself be held and cries harder than Tighnari has ever seen him. This scares Tighnari, but he doesn’t show it; he has to be strong for him. He has to. Even if there are tears in his eyes too.
Tighnari doesn’t know what to say, and realizes maybe there isn’t anything to say at all. Some things can’t be fixed so easily, despite how hard he tries. Maybe all he can do is hold Cyno, stroking his lover’s hair, occasionally planting a kiss to the top of his head.
“Are you staying the night?” Tighnari asks once Cyno’s crying abates.
“Yes. But I have to go tomorrow. The plan,” Cyno says, squeezing Tighnari gently. I want to stay with you instead, Cyno doesn’t say, but Tighnari can tell it’s on his mind. Cyno would stay by his side forever if he could.
“Good. Let’s sleep for now, then. Things will feel better when we wake up.” It’s a reminder for himself as well – he’s speaking it into action. As much as Tighnari wishes he could wake up next to his lover again, responsibility comes before anything. Besides, his injury would’ve been for nothing if they didn’t still carry out the plan. “You’ll need your rest for tomorrow.”
Cyno holds him protectively that night, and Tighnari allows the warmth to dilute the pain. He feels safe, comforted. He knows if it was up to Cyno, nothing would ever hurt him. His dumb, selfless protector who he trusts with his life.
A few days come and go, and with them, Tighnari’s strength returns, bit by bit.
Tighnari and Cyno are out for a walk through the forest when it first happens. They’re holding hands, swinging them, enjoying each other’s company. Even though they’re going at a leisurely pace, Tighnari can’t seem to catch his breath.
“Hey,” Cyno says. “You look like you need to rest for a minute. Let’s sit.”
They find a comfortable patch of grass and sit. Tighnari is all but panting at this point. He tries and fails to regulate his breathing. Sweat gathers on his forehead and his heart races painfully. His head pounds. Cyno is quiet for a bit, but Tighnari can feel the worry radiating off of him in waves.
“You usually don’t get this tired from walking. Are you okay?”
“Think so,” Tighnari says. “Think I just need a minute.”
A minute comes and goes. And then a few more. But Tighnari’s exhaustion does not lessen.
“Hey,” Cyno says. “I’m starting to really get worried about you.”
I’m fine, Tighnari is compelled to say, but he’s not so convinced himself.
“My heart is racing,” Tighnari finally admits.
Cyno presses two fingers to Tighnari’s neck, feeling his fluttering pulse — way faster than what should be normal. Tighnari sees the panic in his eyes.
“I think you really need to lie down,” Cyno says. Tighnari obeys, allowing Cyno to cradle his head in his lap. He scratches behind Tighnari’s ears comfortingly, but Tighnari can feel Cyno’s hands tremble.
“What is going on? What do we do?” Cyno asks–Tighnari is the one with medical expertise, after all. Cyno grabs his hand, squeezing it.
“I don’t know. We wait for it to pass,” Tighnari pants. That’s all we can do.”
Cyno’s grips Tighnari’s hand tighter. “Fuck. There’s gotta be something we can do. Something.” Tighnari’s eyes are glossy and half-lidded. What does he do? Damn it, his head hurts and he can’t think.
“Please, Nari, please stay awake,” Cyno says. Tighnari squeezes Cyno’s hand weakly, managing a sad smile.
“Calm down; I’m not dying,” Tighnari reassures. I know what that feels like, he thinks, but doesn’t say. He can’t add to Cyno’s stress. Cyno’s eyes glisten like he might cry, and damn, Tighnari hates seeing that look on his face so much recently.
“There is … possibly one thing that might work,” Tighnari says. “Please … use your Electro on me.”
“Are you fucking insane?” Cyno runs a hand through his own hair in exasperation. He laughs humorlessly, filled with anxiety. “You got struck by lightning and now you’re asking me to shock you.”
“Yes. That’s right.”
“You’re out of your goddamn mind, then. I’m not hurting you.” Cyno takes a steadying breath. “I can’t.”
“Listen,” Tighnari pants. “Please trust me. I’ve heard of this working. It’ll hurt for a second, but then it’s over, and this episode is behind us.”
He feels like shit for asking something like this of him–it’s hardly fair. He knows he’d crumble if he was in the same position.
Tighnari smiles weakly. “Please, Cyno.”
Cyno sucks in a big breath, then exhales loudly. Tighnari rubs the back of Cyno’s hand with his thumb. It’s not an easy request–Tighnari begins to wonder if he never should’ve asked at all.
“Okay,” Cyno says after a moment. “But only because I trust you.” Tighnari gives him a small smile.
Cyno tentatively holds Tighnari close to his chest. He makes eye contact and hesitates. Cyno can beat people up all day without second thought, but when it comes to hurting Tighnari in the slightest, he can hardly stand the idea. Tighnari knows this well, so he's quiet and patient as Cyno works himself up to it. Tighnari thinks about how pretty his boyfriend looks, even in a stressful situation like this, and kisses his furrowed brow. There's nobody else he'd rather have a tachycardia episode in the forest with.
"Ready?" Cyno finally asks.
"Yes."
Tighnari involuntarily winces when he feels the tiny shock and curses himself for doing so. Cyno whispers frantic apologies to him, kissing his forehead delicately, smoothing out his hair.
Cyno begins to pry himself from Tighnari to give him space, but Tighnari immediately grabs his wrist. His ears are downturned, his tail flicking weakly. There’s desperation in his eyes, as if being close to Cyno is the only thing that’ll help him.
Cyno relents, holding Tighnari closely again. He can feel the rapid thrumming of Tighnari’s heart like this, but notices that it’s gradually stabilizing, slowing down to a more normal rhythm. Cyno gently rubs circles in his back through it, whispering in his ear that he’s doing well, that he’s going to be okay.
Even after he’s recovered, Tighnari is barely awake in Cyno’s arms. He nuzzles closer to Cyno’s chest, wrapping his tail around Cyno’s leg like he always does when they sleep together.
“Feel better?” Cyno asks.
“Mmhmm,” Tighnari mumbles. Cyno scratches behind his ears, and the familiar sensation chases away whatever’s left of his anxiety. It’s all Tighnari needs to let himself drift off. They’ll worry about getting home later.
Things after the lightning weren’t easy, despite how much Tighnari wishes they could be.
His body doesn’t work the same way as before, and that’s the hardest pill to swallow. Beyond all better judgment, he pretends he’s invincible. It always comes back to bite him, usually with him passed out somewhere in the forest while on patrol or splayed out on the floor of his hut while there’s still something cooking on the stovetop, Collei hovering over him nervously. And maybe, If he’s lucky, Cyno is there to catch his fall, to hold him gently and administer their makeshift treatment method. It always goes away quicker that way.
Not every time it happens is the same. Sometimes Tighnari loses consciousness, sometimes he remains awake. But it’s always better when Cyno is there, and not just because he can help in a practical way. It’s also because he gets to see Cyno’s face, feeling him brush his bangs back from where they’re gathering sweat, holding his hand.
And then there’s the scar. And how much he hates it. Pink branches extend from his right shoulder, across his chest and all the way down to his leg. He stares endlessly at the markings, willing for them to disappear. He feels fortunate to have clothes that cover most of his body, because he doesn’t know what he would do if the villagers saw this part of him. He’s a medic himself — he can’t let patients know that he hurts too.
Nobody is allowed to see his scars. He can’t bear for anyone to.
Nobody except for Cyno.
They’ll lay in bed together, skin-to-skin. Safe in Cyno’s arms, Tighnari will let himself break — just for a little bit — to stop repressing the stress he holds so tightly in his body throughout the day. Cyno thumbs away his tears, kisses his hair and his ears. He gently runs his fingers across Tighnari’s scars, then kisses him there as well. Tighnari trembles, and in spite of all the pain and frustration he feels, his heart feels warm.
“You’re gorgeous,” Cyno whispers in between kisses, and Tighnari knows how hard he means it.
Eventually Tighnari runs out of tears to shed and, exhausted, lets himself succumb to sleep. He’s reassured to feel Cyno’s warmth and to hear his soft breathing, to know that he won’t wake up alone. If Cyno’s there, he can do this. He can.