Work Text:
All night, Dew tossed and turned and at some point, after his second nightmare, he gave up on sleep. Pulling his knees to his chest, resting his chin atop them, watching as Rain slept. Rain was always at peace, always calm. Mostly, it keeps Dew stable, but tonight he can’t help but be frustrated by it.
Tonight, it only reminds him of his original element, water, like Rain. He used to be at peace with himself, he wasn’t as turbulent or unpredictable. It was a time when he didn’t struggle with keeping his emotions in check. Now, though? He’ll fly off the handle at anything.
Dew sighs, shaky and wheezing, as he puts his headphones in, still gazing at Rain. He loves him, obviously. More than anyone could ever know. Sometimes he feels like he’s drowning in it. But he also finds himself hating him, in moments like these, where Rain is calm and he isn’t. Or when Rain says something in a certain tone, and Dew spirals with the absurd idea that Rain suddenly and greatly despises him.
He knows Rain loves him too. He tells Dew every single day, many times, and he means it, but when Rain hits him with that exasperated tone or, Satan-forbid, he’s angry for once, Dew falls into pieces. He’s scared for when Rain wakes, scared for when he asks why are you awake? and Dew has to answer honestly because he just can’t lie to his Rain.
Only Rain knows his worst, has seen him and held him at those points, ever gentle and tender and loving, but he still can’t stand it. Dew is paranoid that Rain is just lying. He’s always been paranoid, in spite of how carefree he acts, he worries. He puts up his walls and keeps them there, but Rain broke them down just enough to weasel himself in and Dew never had the heart to repair them. They’ve been crumbling steadily ever since and Dew is terrified.
His playlist is intentionally painful. Riddled with lyrics that make his chest feel tight and have him holding back sobs. It’s cathartic, music always has been for him. That’s why he was so eager to join the Ghost project, why he practiced bass and guitar even before he did end up joining. He never realized he’d end up paying for that choice.
It’s far too soon when Rain’s eyes open and the smile he usually greets Dew with in the morning falters. Dew can see the cogs turning in his head, see how he’s trying to wake up faster.
“Hey,” he murmurs. His hand is already reaching for Dew’s and he makes no effort to pull away, “what’s wrong?”
Dew shakes his head, forces his muscles to untense and takes in an unsteady breath, “Nightmares.” He whispers. It’s difficult to get even that out of his mouth and he knows Rain will ask for more.
Rain sits up and pulls Dew into his lap. He doesn’t resist melting into Rain’s comfort despite his internal turmoil. “That’s not all,” he says, “talk to me. You know I’ll try to help you.”
He whines, a small, instinctual noise in the back of his throat that he can’t stop from coming out. The words die on his tongue and a bolt of fear shoots through him as he realizes he’s going to cry, he knows Rain smells it on him. Gasoline and charred flesh and brimstone and horror.
Rain’s arms squeeze him tighter. “You don’t have to tell me. But if you need to cry, cry,” and all Dew can do is let it happen. His little body shakes with every sob and he wheezes when he sucks in a breath, feeling like everything is closing in on him. Like he’s being crushed under the pressure of trying to pretend he’s okay. “It’s okay.” Rain says into his ear. He shifts their positions, Dew straddling his lap, nose buried in his scent gland to calm him down. Feeling Rain’s hands running up and down his back, even as he shakes, is soothing, and it’s working as intended. He feels pathetic, yes, but loved. So very loved. He sobs hard and Rain squeezes him as close as he can.
“I love you, you know that? I love everything about you.” Rain presses at his consciousness, something he doesn’t allow often, and Dew whimpers as he lets down his walls and lets Rain in. “Oh, sweetheart,” he coos softly, “I know it’s scary. I know, I’m sorry. You’re doing so good, letting me in. Letting all of us in.”
Dew didn’t realize how badly he needed to hear it, so he lets Rain continue.
“I’m sorry it’s so hard for you, and whoever made you this scared to be vulnerable is… nevermind. I’m so proud of you,” Rain’s hand is in his hair now, tangling at the nape of his neck and scratching gently at his scalp, “You don’t need to be so guarded. I’m never leaving you.”
He breaks, at that, lets the words roll over him while a sob wracks through his little body and he whines like a dying animal. Rain pulls a blanket over him as he leans back to the headboard, and Dew’s ear finds his heartbeat, steady and soothing.
He cries for a while, much longer than he’d like to admit to. Rain’s calming words fill his ears and he starts to come down from it all. “Thank you,” he mumbles into Rain’s chest, not really sure what else he can possibly say. “You’re so good to me.”
Rain hums softly, “You deserve it.”