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Language:
English
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Published:
2023-01-15
Updated:
2023-01-15
Words:
1,238
Chapters:
2/?
Comments:
28
Kudos:
42
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276

Lust’s Radio Show

Summary:

“Greetings, ladies, gentlemen, and everyone who identifies as something else! My name is Lust, welcome to my Radio Show! Here, I’ll answer relationship questions, test your partners, and even read out confessions, sent out from humans, monsters, and chimeras across the multiverse! This’ll be fun.”
———
Or:
Lust runs a radio show. Stuff happens. Lust is either really happy or traumatized in some way. Repeat cycle.
———
Inspired by Spoopy_Noodle’s headcanon! You can find it somewhere in their Sans AU Headcanons Part 2 book! Will update completely randomly, it just depends on my mood.

Notes:

Chapter 1: Confession Confusion

Chapter Text

“Welcome, everyone, to my Multiversal Radio Show!” Lust twirled around in his swivel chair. This will be absolutely amazing, he’s sure of it.

“My name is Lust and I’ll be entertaining you for as long as this first episode goes! Tonight, we have confessions from people from the Omega Timeline— completely anonymous, of course! I’d like to spare everyone the embarrassment. I put out a box 2 weeks ago for anybody to read and submit to, and thankfully, we have tons of submissions! Let’s see here…”

Lust slammed the box down on the table, accidentally knocking the microphone aside. “Whoops.” Lust readjusted it just right, so it was pointed at him. He peered down in the box and picked out a slip of paper at random. He unfolded it and…

“This one here says… ‘I once accidentally kicked my dog and I felt really bad about it. I couldn’t handle the guilt and chose to confess here.’” Lust smiled sympathetically, not that anybody could see.

“Oh, don’t worry! You felt bad about it, you’re fine! I once accidentally stepped on my friend’s cat’s tails— yes, plural— and I kept apologizing because I felt horrible. I say that as long as you never do it on purpose, you’ll be fine, darling. Pet your dog for me, okay?”

Lust fished another slip of paper out of the cardboard box. “‘Dear anybody-reading-this, I don’t think I love my partner anymore. I still like them, but not the way I did before. I want to tell them, but I don’t know how.’ Hmm…” Lust frowned.

“Well, this is more of a relationship problem than a confession, but I can still try to help. Just try your best to tell them, ask if you can still be friends. It may be awkward, but everyone deserves the truth.”

Lust desperately hoped that they’re not about to end a relationship with their advice. I hope this is the right advice for this situation at all, she thought. 

”Good luck, darling! Let’s see what this next person has to say. ‘I once watched my parents doing…’ Um. …Well, I think you can guess. Well, uhh… I guess- um- I- you- UH…”

Lust helplessly glanced off to the side, where Sci was playing background music. Sci shrugged. Okay, no help there. Lust spotted Ccino, recording, and Ccino’s eyelights darted this way and that, anywhere but Lust. No advice from them either. 

”Well, it’s not your fault, you didn’t choose to watch them! …Right?” Lust asked and paused, realizing that the submitter never said “accidentally caught” or something like that.

“ANYways, one person submitted a confession with some very nice stationary! Where do I buy this, lovely? I need this in my life! ‘It’s not my confession but I seriously need to vent right now because I don’t think I can take this.’ Ooh, that’s… ominous. If it’s something serious, please, get some help! My friend has a therapy license, they could help you.”

Lust scanned the rest of the confession and froze. Ho-ly sh!t. “‘M-my cousins are getting married… to eachother…’” Lust tried silently getting advice from Sci or Ccino again. Nope. They were still off to the side, looking horrified. “…At least it’s not you?” Lust tried.

My sanity will be at 0 by the time Episode 3 comes, Lust thought. “Well, would you look at that! I just got a text from my grandma, I have something to do right now.”

That was a lie, Lust’s grandma was probably dead and dusted by now, Lust had no clue if they even had a grandma.

“Episode 2 will come the night after tomorrow, hopefully! I’ll see you next time, my lovelies!”

Recording Stop?

[Yes]  No

Recording Ended.

”Why did I do this too myseeellllff,” Lust groaned, slumping down in her seat. Ccino patted them on the shoulder silently. “This’ll be interesting for sure,” they said. 

It definitely will be.

Chapter 2: Pink Quills and Cafés

Chapter Text

“Greetings, my lovelies! Lust here, back at it again!” Lust twirled around in her chair. That was becoming a habit very quickly, and she loved it. “This time, I have my friend with me here! Say hello, darling!” “Um, hi!”

Ccino waved, for literally no reason. Nobody could see it. “Introduce yourself, if you don’t mind? If anyone listening somehow doesn’t know who you are.”

“Uh, sure! My name is Ccino and I run a cat cafe in Fluffytale. I also have a therapy license, and judging by what I heard last episode, I think I’ll need to put that license to use.”

Lust giggled. “Yes, you will need to. Now, today, let’s start with some gossip, shall we?” “Alright.”

“So, everyone listening knows about the famous Dream and Nightmare, right? The Guardians of Emotions, the Spirits whose SOULS are the last of the Sacred Apples— yes, like in the fairytale— the Demigods themselves! Everyone who’s ever seen a recording of a battle in the ongoing war can probably see that Dream and Nightmare have some shared past.”

“Once, both of them stopped in my cafe and began arguing in Thai, something about their childhoods, it didn’t sound very pleasant,” Ccino added.

“Ooh, you didn’t tell me that! That adds even more mystery to this. The latest theory is that they were once the same person or something. Multiple accounts have stated that they sometimes speak in unison, by accident,” Lust reported.

“I don’t really believe this one… Sure, in some worlds, stuff like that happens, but it doesn’t feel right.” Ccino shrugged. “Well, we’ll figure it out eventually. The truth always comes out.” Lust dragged a medium-sized red-pink box, decorated with cat stickers and hearts, between the two. “…Confessions?” Ccino guessed. “Yep!” Lust smirked. “Let’s see what twisted things people have done.”

Ccino and Lust both reached in, hesitating at the same moment, as neither of them thought that the other would also reach it. “You go first.” Lust invited Ccino to get a slip of paper. Ccino did.

“‘My sister gets… high on sharpies,’ one person said.” Lust blinked and stared, concerned. “…Well then. That’s an… interesting start. Um.” “This person also said that they steal books from… Wait, that’s my cafe!” Ccino sat up, angry. “O-oh my…” Lust blinked.

There sure was a lot of drama already. “What the hell?! Give those books back right now or I’ll—” “Whoa, Ccino, no need to send Panther after anyone. (I thought you were supposed to be the calm one!)”

Lust pat them on the back and quickly mute the microphone. “Set up cameras or something, okay?” Ccino took a deep breath and signed. “What. The hell. Is wrong with them.” “I don’t know, people are weird. Wanna continue?” “…Maybe one more, yeah.”

Lust unmuted the microphone. “Uh- Sorry for the silence, we just had to… do something. One last confession and we’ll move on to Relationship Advice!” 

Ccino unrolled a scrap of paper. “‘I live with wanted criminals who threaten to kill me.’” Lust paused for a moment before scoffing and rolling his eyelights. “Nice try, Killer. Don’t think I don’t recognize this. And frankly, I can see why Dust and Horror planned to smuggle porcupines into your room. Did you notice anything about them, Killer? I painted their quills.”

“You- you what?” Ccino asked. “I did,” Lust confirmed. “It was amazing. Now, let’s help some people with their relatio— HOLY FK, KILLER, I’M SORRY—” “SHUT UP! أكل القرف!”

Recording Paused

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