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“I’ve a theory,” Harry Potter announced to the table. Some groaned in response, others rolled their eyes, but most leaned in with giant grins on their faces. As the group of friends learned early on, Harry often spouted theories after a few pints, and not all of them made sense.
There was the one about tiny house elves finding a way inside Muggle toasters in Magical houses - after all, electricity wasn’t a thing for them - and why wasn’t it, he’d asked everyone - so how else did bread get nice and toasty?
He theorized that the bunnies Luna was breeding were also being trained to take over the world. It hadn’t helped that Luna nodded sagely and offered one to him for understanding.
And then there was the time he accused Hermione of being a magical faerie, able to flit inside everyone’s minds, and that’s how she was so smart.
So it wasn’t really a surprise when Hermione was the first to lean in, curiosity in her eyes. “Oh? Do tell.”
Harry, who was in the middle of chugging half his beer, paused. He set the drink down and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He stared at Hermione before moving his gaze to Draco next to her, who merely raised his eyebrows.
“Draco is here,” Harry announced.
The man in question scoffed before drawling, “How astute of you, Potter.”
“That’s your theory, mate?” Ron butted into the conversation as he handed Draco another firewhiskey. He’d lost a bet earlier that night with the wanker.
“No, no.” Harry pointed at his once-enemy-now-friend. “Draco is here. But Theo is not. ”
Ginny tilted her head, the words merging in her head. “Yes, Theo is a Nott,” she agreed, before looking up at Blaise. “Right?”
“No.” Harry huffed. “I mean, yes, he is a Nott, but he is not here.”
Everyone stared at him, waiting for more. Because there was always more.
“Have any of you ever noticed,” he began and he wondered if his words were slurring in real life as much as they were in his brain. “That Draco and Theo look alike?”
“Uh –”
“And have you also noticed that they’re like... Never in the same room?”
Draco gave him a look. “Potter, we’re always in the same room.”
“We literally went to classes with both of them in the same room,” Ron mumbled.
“That was then!” Harry raised his arms in some sort of victory. “But not now! Like Friday, when Draco wasn’t at dinner –”
“Because he was sick,” Hermione pointed out.
“Was he, though, Herminininy?”
“Gods, he’s turned into Viktor already,” Ginny whispered as Blaise tried not to laugh. Ginny raised her voice. “Harry –”
“And last week, Theo wasn’t at Game Night –”
“Wasn’t he in Japan for business?”
“The point here is that we haven’t seen the two of them in the same room in over a month!”
Silence fell over their table. Hermione nudged her boyfriend in the ribs, making him sigh before he asked, “And what do you think that means, Potter?”
Harry finished his drink and slammed his glass onto the table. “That you and Theo are the same person!” When no one said anything, he continued. “I mean, their facial structure is identitical! And okay, Theo’s eyes are a little darker, like storms... over an ocean... and Draco’s well, whatever.”
Hermione leaned into Draco’s arm. “‘S okay. I think your eyes are very pretty, like winter icicles.”
“Merlin help me,” Draco said under his breath, but drew her into a hug in thanks.
“... their hair is different but that’s ‘cause magic .”
“Or hair dye,” Ginny suggested with a snicker.
“Must you encourage him?”
“Shush, Draco.” Hermione leaned in closer to Harry. “Harry...”
“Yes?” Harry leaned in too, pressing his forehead against hers.
“If I’m with Draco,” she said conspiratorially. “And you’re with Theo.”
“Yes, correct.”
“Then does that mean there’s only one of them and we’re being cheated on?”
“Oh, Salazar in a snakepit,” Draco mumbled. He tugged at Hermione’s curls in consternation.
Harry’s eyes widened. “Oh my god, Mioninenen. You’re right! You’re so right! This is terrible. TERRIBLE! I need another drink.”
“I’ll get you one,” she managed to say between giggles. She was gone and back in seconds with another question. “If we were to all have sex, Harry, would it be a threesome or a foursome?”
“Hermione,” Draco admonished before pausing. “Oh bloody hell, I want to know this answer.”
“Ugh, Malfoy,” Ron groaned. “Why?”
Harry cleared his throat, opened his mouth, and said nothing. All his friends waited, but he remained silent.
“Harry?” Blaise asked. Using a single finger, he pushed the full glass toward Harry. “Alright there, mate?”
“I don’t know,” Harry whispered. His eyes widened behind glasses slightly more fashionable than the ones from their Hogwarts years . “I don’t know what it would be. Theo and Darko are the same, so threesome? But what if –”
“Who the hell is Darko?”
“I’ll let you watch the movie sometime,” Hermione promised Draco.
“Sorry I’m late!” Someone interrupted. As one, the group turned to see Theo with a tumbler of whiskey already in his hand. He froze at the intense stares. “Uh. Hi, everyone.”
“Shit.” Hermione was the first to speak. Her eyes darted between her boyfriend and her best friend’s boyfriend. “Fuck me on a Quidditch hoop, they do look alike.”
“That’s a new one,” Blaise murmured. Ron nodded in agreement, a proud look on his face.
Meanwhile, Hermione raised a hand to Theo’s face, doing the same to Draco with her other hand. She met Harry’s gaze as she patted both of their cheeks. “Harry. Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
He nodded solemnly. “Do they kiss the same?”
“Excuse me?” Theo sputtered.
“Let’s find out!”
“Potter, what are you, no, I will not kiss you!”
“It’s for science!”
“Hermione, why are you –”
“Hermione Granger, you get away from Theo this instant! Potter, no.”
“Well, this wasn’t what I expected,” Blaise mused.
Ginny cheered. “Best. Night. Ever!”