Chapter Text
Jasper Whitlock had had a harsh life.
Both as a human and then as a vampire.
The darkness hovered over his shoulders weighing him down and down until there was nothing but loneliness and coldness for him to bathe in.
For a long time he had thought that that's all he would ever get.
And then he met her.
That bright angel whose love and happiness had felt like a tsunami since the moment she laid her gaze upon him. She who grabbed his hand and pulled him out from the darkness that he had lived in for so long. Her light bathing him with an emotion he hadn't felt not even once in his life. Bright and warm and so overwhelmingly refreshing.
Hope .
She gave him the greatest gift he could have ever been given. She gave him her true and deafening love. Her careless happiness and her astonishing trust. Compassion. Kindness. Affection. Understanding. Forgiveness.
Things he could have never imagined someone would give to him. Much less with such easiness.
She had made him hope for a better future and a better life.
One where he wouldn't have to be drowning under his horrible past and actions.
His Alice.
His beautiful and bright Alice who taught him how he didn't need to harm others in order to survive. Had told him about the family of vampires they would one day belong into.
The Cullens.
Never did he expect that that light she had brought into his life would extinguish so soon. That he would be the one to let it slip between his fingers.
While traveling towards where her visions told her the Cullens were at the moment a wildfire had caught them. Fast. Too big. Impossible to escape .
Running hadn't helped.
Jumping had been their golden chance at escaping.
But Alice didn't manage to jump as far as she should have.
And he failed at the one thing he shouldn't have failed at.
Catching her hand.
She fell.
Fell right into the fire.
And there was nothing he could do to stop it.
If he had thought that Maria's punishments were pain incarnated that's because he hadn't gotten to feel what it meant to lose half of his heart and existence.
He had felt as if all hope she had ever brought with her had vanished. His soul stolen as the darkness took back his mind and crushed him into utter loneliness and despair. Chest sliced open for his heart to be forever ripped out.
The wish to die had been huge. Still was.
Because he had failed her. The one person who he was suppose to protect the most and he had failed.
Yet .
In her name he kept up searching for the Cullens which became twice as hard without nothing to aid him in his quest.
But he was nothing if not persistent.
Looking for them turned into a burning obsession that obliterated his entire sense of self. He lived for nothing but to look for them. The Cullens. Alice's precious Cullens.
He had to find them.
He doesn't know how long he spends walking without an actual destination. Doesn't know how long he spends looking for the same vampires he so much disliked once upon a time.
All he knows is that he needs to find them.
And when he starts to doubt his mission he bites his arms until the venom is flooding out with such might he passes out.
He won't give up.
He refused to give up.
He had to do this. For Alice.
And then he found them.
In Canada.
He.
Found them.
He found them.
The vampires Alice had loved with each atom in her being and had been so excited to meet. Same vampires he had thought she had imagined. Made up to comfort herself.
He had found them.
And now that he had found he didn't knew what to do.
He had been so sure about this.
But he couldn't do this without Alice. His beautiful Alice.
He drops on his knees for the first time in a long time. Chest tight and throat burning.
Because he couldn't do this. This was as far as he went and God Alice would be so disappointed in him. He couldn't save her and now he couldn't even fullfil her greatest wish.
He was useless. Pathetic.
His forehead pressed against the dirt as he took in a deep breath. The pain in his chest becoming as explosive and overwhelming as when he first realized what he had done. What he hadn't done .
His fingers curled into fists, crushing dirt between them as he did so. Jaw tight as a sob caught in his throat. No . He bit down the rising feelings that threatened to torment him. Crush him. Destroy him.
He couldn't let himself collapse now. Not now not ever. For Alice.
Even if it felt like nothing mattered in the world. Even if there was nothing worth fighting for.
He couldn't collapse.
She was gone but the Cullens weren't.
He had to protect them. For her.
Had to protect what was left of her. This coven she loved and cared about. Her coven.
He had to protect them with his life and collapsing wouldn't aid him at all with this task.
Thus taking one last breath he stood up. He couldn't let himself fall. For Alice. For them.
He wouldn't let himself fall.
He had to make them keep him which was the reason he had worked so hard on making his appearance as harmless as possible. Made sure to take the right direction for them to catch his scent. Made sure his footsteps were as loud as possible.
He wasn't sure if this would work. He wasn't someone who gave a harmless air no matter how hard he tried and while he had gone great lengths to hide his scars both with gloves and Alice's scarf his eyes were still an issue.
Not red of course but not quite as gold as he knew they should be.
He hoped orange was enough to catch Carlisle's attention.
~
The sudden scent of a vampire is what gets the Cullens standing at the porch.
Nomads weren't an unusual occurrence.
And while them approaching the house wasn't unusual either it was quite rare.
Even more so because this one wasn't even attempting to hide the fact that he was approaching.
It was a lone male. The footsteps and scent told them so.
-You are not, by any means, to start a fight.- Carlisle warned Emmett for the second time. If it was possible he wanted to keep violence out of the equation. One never knew what to expect from nomads and the last thing he wanted was for his family to get hurt.
Most nomads were nothing but curious when approaching them. Yes.
But some others were aggressive or carried with them ill intentions.
Lone male ones were 90% of the time the most problematic ones for half of the time the females were what caught their absolute attention.
Emmett huffed at his words but didn't protest.
Soon enough the nomad made his apparition.
The state he was in was rather... unsettling.
In fact.
As relaxed and near harmless as he looked there was something in how straight he walked and his body language in general that screamed danger.
He was barefoot and while his clothes looked quite worn out and in poor condition the dark scarf wrapped around his neck looked as if it had been kept under obsessive care for it looked almost brand new.
Even if he looked like he had years worth of dried blood and dirt all over him. Which did nothing but make the scarf look way too out of place.
He came to a halt right at the bottom of the stairs. Hands behind his back almost in a soldier stance.
And then he looks up.
Were Carlisle human that single act would have made his heart skip a beat as shock and disbelief obliterated him.
Because orange.
His eyes.were. orange .
And even if he couldn't see half of his face he looked so close to his sons' ages. So alone.
But how were his eyes orange? How did he come here? It couldn't be a coincidence right? And the Denali had certainly not been the ones to send him here for Eleazar would have called him.
So how?
-Hello, my name is Carlisle and this is my family. May I help you?- Carlisle tried to keep his voice kind and his posture relaxed despite how anxious and apprehensive he felt. Who was this vampire and what was his reason to have come here?
The nomad didn't seem that sure about this situation either.
Jasper for his side felt nauseous for a moment as he heard the name. Carlisle . The coven leader.
Alice's father.
But he fought against it. He could feel Rosalie's disgust. Their wariness in general. And he fights for it to not let it bother him. He must be strong. It was what Alice would have wanted.
-My name's Jasper Whitlock, sir. I know this may sound weird and that you've no reason whatsoever to trust me but... I met someone who told me 'bout this diet and about your family.
-The Denali?- Carlisle questions. He tries to not let the nomad's light southern accent bother him.
-No. Not the Denali. Someone else.- Jasper refuses to say her name.
Because if he speaks her name he knows he will break.
And he can't break.
He must be strong. For her. This is the least he can do.
-Thing is. I've been searchin' for you for a while. 'cause I was told that if there was someone who could help me that would be Carlisle Cullen; you.- He told making sure to send a wave of sympathy towards them, he knew Alice wouldn't approve but right now his main goal was to get them to let him stay.
And since he couldn't come and straight up tell them he needed to be in their coven for that could come up as invasive or even suspicious, sounding as pitiful as possible was the best option.
-Help you...?
-Yeah, you see, I've this... cursed gift that doesn't mix well with humans when I kill 'em. Animals as I've found out don't cause the same effect. But I'm not good 'round humans and therefore I keep slippin' which doesn't help much.
He sounded so miserable that Carlisle felt the wariness towards him wearing off as sympathy took its place. The idea that he had been looking for them for God knows how long for the simple fact that he was told Carlisle could help him left clear that he at least was truly trying.
And he had a gift.
One that for the looks of it didn't help him much. Still .
-What's your gift if I may know?
-... I can feel people's emotions.
Those words got a mortified little gasp out of Esme.
Now it made sense his want for the vegetarian diet.
Esme couldn't imagine how horrible and haunting could it be to feel one's victim's emotions. Their horror. Pain. Fear. Panic. God how could someone even live like that?
-You are an empath?- Carlisle felt rather amazed at that. Empaths never made it past the newborn stage for the single fact that feeling people's emotions eventually drove them insane.
The idea that he had one right infront of him was rather mind blowing.
He couldn't imagine how horrible it must had been for him before he was told about a less painful diet.
-Yes, sir.
-So what? You can't seriously be thinking about letting him stay. Look at him, how can you know this isn't some kind of elaborated trap?- Rosalie's voice was accusing as she glared at Jasper.
-A trap for what? I've no intentions on hurtin' any of you.- Jasper told keeping his voice neutral. He knew Rosalie would be the trickiest Cullen for Alice had warned him once about it. She didn't trust strangers. Even more so if said strangers were vampires and men.
-Your accent, you are from the South aren't you? There are nothing but assassins in that place.- Rosalie snapped bitterly.
Jasper couldn't help but wince at that and bite back a glare. He couldn't be aggressive. Hostile. He had to be civil and as harmless as possible for Alice wasn't here to speak on his behalf.
Without her his chance at belonging here could slip through his fingers.
-Yes. I'm from the South. But I left that life a long time ago.
-How long ago?- Carlisle asked. He had to be careful for as much as he was starting to open up to the idea of taking him in... a vampire from the South could end up putting his family in more danger than it was worth it.
He had heard about the southern wars and the violent vampires that resided there. Armies of newborns and endless fights over territories. The Volturi had had to intervene a few times when things got too out of control.
The knowledge that he had one of those vampires standing right infront of him was quite alarming.
-1940.
That made Carlisle raise an eyebrow.
-When were you turned?
-1863.
That got a whistle from Emmett. Because damn was he older than Edward himself or even Esme.
And that was both an amusing and disturbing thought in Emmett's opinion.
-How old were you when you were turned?- Esme couldn't help but ask. Even if he was older than her for what she could see of his face he looked way too young.
-19, ma'am.
Esme and Carlisle shared a look. So close to their children's age.
Esme wanted to keep him. He looked so alone and miserable. Like he needed a friend.
It broke her heart.
And he sounded so polite. So soft talking.
She couldn't help but feel sad for him and she wasn't even sure of the reason.
-What about your creator?- Carlisle questioned, vampires rarely left the coven they were created in. He didn't miss how the question made Jasper flinch.
-...She's... We weren't in good terms when I left. Not that we ever were in good terms to begin with. Either way, if you agree to help me, you won't have to worry about her, I promise.
-Why weren't you in good terms with her? Wasn't she your creator?- Rosalie asked with a raised eyebrow. She refused to let him stay.
-Rosalie.- Carlisle warned. Disapproval clear in his voice.
-She was. But she was never the greatest person to be 'round. Things just got worse after I went against her orders and she began plottin' my death.
-Your creator wanted to kill you?- Esme sounded as horrified as Carlisle felt. Jasper shrugged. As if that wasn't the worst thing ever.
-Well, there must had been a fair reason for that.- Rosalie stated matter of fact giving him a glare. She didn't want him here. He was no one to be allowed here. Why would Carlisle go and risk taking in some stranger who had been alive for a long time and therefore gathered God knows what kind of antics?
Jasper for his side bit back the urge to snap at her. He did nothing wrong! He allowed the one person he had cared about in his life at the time to leave that hellhole of a place.
And he would do it again. And again. And again.
Even if he knew the consequences that that would bring for he would rather be torn to pieces than let Peter get killed.
-She wanted to kill me 'cause I let someone escape. I don't regret it and I wouldn't hesitate to do it again. But I do guess it was a fair reason. You can't keep people you can't trust around.
Carlisle raised an eyebrow at that, the way he spoke...
-Were you in one of those armies?- He couldn't help but ask.
-I was.
-See? You want to let him stay? You don't even know how many people he killed. He isn't even showing us his face. How can you trust him?- Rosalie said.
-Our past doesn't define who we are. Everyone deserves a second chance to start anew.- Carlisle told as a statement of fact.
Still .
He had to admit she did had a point.
The fact that he was hiding his face...
-I don't usually hide my face, I did it 'cause... it would make it easier for both of us to have a more civil conversation, or a conversation at all.
-What is that suppose to mean?- Carlisle questioned in confusion. Why would hiding his face help at all? It didn't make sense.
-I've been told I'm not easy on the eye, it sort of makes people try to kill me or straight up run away in fear, I didn't want things to go wrong so I covered myself up.- Jasper told as a statement of fact. Once upon a time he wouldn't have cared to hide his scars but as stated before.
Alice wasn't here.
No one was here to speak on his behalf.
He had to be harmless. Vulnerable. Pitiful.
Those were the weaknesses that would make compassionate Carlisle and kind hearted Esme want to take him in if Alice's information about them was something to go for.
He had to appeal to their soft hearts.
-I'm sure it can't be that bad.- Esme said softly, she couldn't see anything wrong with his face so far. He looked quite handsome in her opinion.
-Look, I'm no one to force people into doing anything, but if I'm to take someone in, I would feel more at ease by seeing the face of the stranger I'm allowing into my home and near my family.
Jasper bit his tongue at that. Carlisle was right and it wasn't as if he was hiding because he was self-conscious. He could care less about who saw his scars.
He was doing it for the Cullen's comfort.
But he also needed Carlisle to take him in.
And thus with a defeated sigh he grabbed one of his gloves and removed it. His hands weren't as scarred as his face or even body in general, but they certainly held quite a few scars.
He felt the shock and surprise hit him like a wave crashing into a cliff. Pity. Sympathy. Alarm. Fear .
He removed his other glove not caring about Esme's horrified little gasp nor Rosalie's growing fear hiding behind an overwhelming wall of rage, disgust and hatred.
And then he pulled the scarf off.