Chapter Text
Zach knows something has changed.
It’s not his parents who still bicker relentlessly, although the letters from opposing lawyers are no longer in their mailbox.
It’s not Gray who continues to achieve the highest grade point average and who still carries on about dinosaurs despite a near death experience.
It’s Zach who has changed, and not in any one discernible way. He feels a difference, see’s it more than he comprehends it.
Zach Knows letting Gray sleep in his bed on occasion is one of those differences; knows that a nagging voice in the back of his mind tells him to knock it off. That voice is easily subdued, especially when Gray’s soft snores render the room into a sense of safety.
There are more differences, small and varied. Zach wonders what it will all mean in time.
When their parents celebrate their 18th wedding anniversary a small party is held at the house. Aunt Claire made promises to attend but is not present. For once Zach understands, she has a heaping pile of bad press to climb her way out of since the events of the theme park. Only their parent’s coworkers and friends are there, milling about the house, sipping wine and listening to dated music. Zach and Gray lock eyes in the kitchen, the dining table with their parents cake sits between them and it feels like a sham, like they’re on borrowed time.
Zach inclines his head to the bottles of beer on the counter. Gray looks at the beer and then at Zach with uncertainty. A smirk forms on Zach’s face before he stealthily swipes up the three beers and gestures for Gray to follow him. They manage to make it upstairs unbeknownst to their parents or their guests.
“We shouldn’t be doing this.” Gray states, following Zach into his bedroom.
Guilt prickles at the back of Zach’s neck. The memory of Gray warning “we shouldn’t be here” before all hell broke loose at the park comes unbidden. Zach squashes the feeling. A few beers are not reckless endangerment after all.
“Two for me and one for you.” Zach says, opening the beers and setting them on his desk, “You don’t have to drink it though.” You have options, he wants to say, you don’t have to trust me. The words he really wants to say often fail him.
Zach grabs one of the amber ales and chugs it. Gray watches curiously before reaching out for the Hefeweizen. Gray takes a sip and immediately sets it back down, his brows furrowed.
“It’s gross.”
“It’s more for the affect not the taste you know.” Zach informs, sitting on his bed with his second beer in hand.
Gray joins him on the bed, sitting with legs crossed and their knees brushing.
“I thought Kelly was coming.” Gray asks looking steadily at Zach.
Once more, something akin to guilt rushes through Zach’s stomach. He looks away.
“She had to be with her family tonight. I’m seeing her this weekend though.” When he looks back up something flickers across Gray’s features but is gone in an instant. A roar of laughter fills the downstairs.
“Why don’t you try this?” Zach asks, extending the offer of a dark porter.
Gray reaches for it and gives it a swig. Gray considers the taste before quickly chugging half the bottle.
“Whoa whoa.” Zach says, reaching for the beer, “Careful.”
Gray smiles and hands it back.
“That one’s better but it’s still gross.”
The sound of someone ascending the stairs is heard. Wide-eyed Gray grabs Zach’s arm.
“Zach” He whispers, looking at the door.
Quickly Zach grabs the empty bottles and stows them behind some books. Just as Zach is setting the nearly full Hef on the floor and out of sight their mom opens the bedroom door.
“Boys what are you doing up here?”
Zach stands up right. Gray is still on the bed.
“We were feeling a little anxious around everyone so we wanted a breather.” Zach lies coolly.
Zach sees the back of his brothers head nod in agreement.
A look of sympathy passes over their moms face.
“Of course, I understand. When we cut the cake in about a half hour you should come back down if you’re feeling up to it. I’ll make sure I save you each a slice in case you don’t.” She smiles brightly.
They thank her in unison and watch as she heads back down, leaving the door open. Zach quickly walks around the bed and shuts it.
Zach’s head is feeling fuzzy when he leans against the door.
“That was close.” He says, looking over at Gray. When Gray nods a peculiar sense of déjà vu envelops him.
They don’t go back downstairs for cake until all the guests have left. The sweetness of the dessert doesn’t sit well on Zach’s stomach.
On Saturday Zach bids his family goodbye before heading over to his girlfriends. He catches Gray’s eye on his way out the door and wishes he hadn’t.
Zach gets home an hour later than promised. Mom and dad are not happy; he gets a lecture from them both at once. Gray is sitting on the loveseat, he seems unperturbed by Zach’s lateness. When he’s given all the apologies he can his parents finally relent. Gray offers a small shrug before turning his attention back to the tv.
Zach suddenly feels very alone.
Instead of joining his family he heads upstairs without a second look back.
He feels anger rolling though him, directed in a million different ways. Zach shuts himself in the bathroom and cranks the shower to high heat. Zach had been unsuccessful in going all the way with Kelly. He wouldn’t mind getting home late and being chewed out if it had been for a good cause. But it hadn’t. He was late because they’d discussed waiting for the right time. Zach wasn’t sure he knew when that was. Maybe it was for the best.
Under the spray he tips his head back and trails a hand down his chest and to his groin. Slowly he begins to jerk himself under the scalding spray.
Two small knocks sound on the bathroom door. Zach can’t believe his luck.
“Yeah?” He calls out.
“Are you in the shower?” Gray asks.
“Yes, dude.” Zach replies irritated, not bothering to stop masturbating. He’ll be damned if he doesn’t get off today.
“Can I come in?”
“No.” Zach says firmly, eyes closing under his ministrations, “I’ll be out in a minute.”
Five minutes later he’s washing come off his hand and feeling less satisfied than when he stepped into the shower. He towel dries his hair and throws on his boxers and T-shirt before heading to his room.
Gray is on his bed, listening to music with Zach’s headphones.
When Gray see’s Zach he slides the headphones off.
“Sorry mom and dad were mean. I think they were just worried.”
“Were you worried?” The question is out of Zach’s mouth too fast, it lingers between them, ugly and transparent. He wants to kick himself.
“I always worry when I’m not with you.” Gray admits quietly.
The sentence is too honest; it twinges like an open blister. Zach wasn’t prepared to hear it nor was he prepared to relate so heavily to it.
In this moment he recognizes what’s changed. It’s not just him like he had previously thought. It’s Gray too. They’re both dependant on each other, in ways they hadn’t been before. He sees now, as Gray looks quietly up at him, that his brother is the only living individual that really knows him and what he’s been through.
He feels like he’s going to cry.
“I worry about you too.” Zach admits tightly, fearing he may lose his composure if he says much more. Gently he sits next to Gray, slings an arm around his neck and pulls him in for a hug. Gray leans into it and wraps both arms around Zach’s torso.
---
A week later Zach breaks up with Kelly. He knows its bad timing; they had just been discussing taking things to the next level. She’s very upset and for good reason. Zach feels guilty, but there is no mistaking the lightness he feels once it’s all said and done.
A few days later the family is having lunch at Applebee’s. Zach and Gray sit on one side of the booth with their parents across from them. The waitress is young and flirts with Zach, in turn he flirts back. When Gray accidentally spills some water on the table their waitress is quick to bring them more napkins. It gives Zach an opportunity to thank her and exchange more words. His parents are amused but Gray is exasperated.
“Sorry I spilt water on everything.”
“I don’t mind, besides you got that cute girl to talk to us more.” Zach says grinning.
“Anyways.” Gray says loudly, which gets a laugh out of their mom and dad.
When lunch is through Zach hangs back at the table to jot his number down on a napkin without his family seeing. Only Gray looks back and see’s the satisfied look on Zach’s face.
“You just broke up with your girlfriend and now you’re trying to get a new one?” Gray scolds out of earshot of their parents.
“Dude chill out, it’s just a number.” Zach retorts. Gray goes unusually quiet on their way back to the house. Zach feels apprehensive when Gray won’t look over at him in the backseat of the car; it reminds him too much of the way things were before Jurassic World. But back then he was the sibling doing a spectacular job of ignoring his brother. The guilt floats on.
When evening comes around Zach still senses a tension. Gray has gone up to his room and Zach is bored. He decides on a whim to make brownies. He follows the directions on the box and has them whipped up in 30 minutes. He tops them off with vanilla ice cream and mounds of chocolate syrup. He informs his parents of the dessert and then makes his way up to Gray’s room with an offering.
Gray is looking through the books on his shelves when Zach comes in.
“Thought you might want some of this killer dessert.” Zach says holding out the bowl.
Gray momentarily looks like he wants to decline, but he smiles and takes the treat.
“Thanks!”
Zach settles himself on Grays bed and starts to eat the brownie he brought up for himself. Gray joins him.
“This is so good I love it.” Gray groans, impressed.
“I can tell.” Zach smiles. Gray has chocolate syrup in the corner of his mouth and falling down his chin. Zach leans over and swipes his thumb along Gray’s chin and the right corner of his mouth. Gray looks slightly embarrassed and takes caution to eat his food more slowly
---
It’s a Wednesday evening and Zach is lying on his bed, arms behind his head listening to his headphones to drown out the arguing of his parents. Gray comes into his room with tears in his eyes. Zach sits up, swinging his legs over the edge and removing his headphones.
“What is it?” Zach asks concerned.
“I hate the yelling,” Gray sniffs, “I told them I hate it and dad turned and yelled at me.”
Fresh tears fall from Gray’s eyes.
“What did mom do?”
“She yelled at dad about it.”
Zach sighs and wipes his hands down his face.
“I’m sorry that happened. It’s usually why I don’t get involved.”
Gray is looking at the ground now, his lips quivering.
Suddenly their mom is pushing into Zach’s room.
“Oh honey I’m sorry about that.” She says looking mournful.
Gray latches onto her and she hugs him back. Zach watches with irritation from his bed.
“Dad’s going for a drive to cool off and then I promise you he will have an apology for his awful behavior.”
When Gray lets her go, Zach stands up and put’s his hand on Gray’s shoulder.
“Gray and I were just picking out a movie to watch. We’ll see you in the morning.”
There was no doubt his mom caught his dismissive tone but she does not comment on it.
“Okay, good night boys. I’ll make us waffles tomorrow.”
When the door closes Gray looks up at Zach.
“Are we going to watch a movie?” There’s hope in his voice.
Zach smiles, “Of course! How about Rush Hour?”
Gray nods and heads to the bed.
Zach busies himself with uploading the film to his laptop. He sets it up on the desk and angles the screen so they can watch it comfortably from the bed.
“Here.” Zach says handing over the Keebler cookies he keeps in his drawer. Gray’s still quiet and Zach doesn’t like that.
Gray eats a few cookies then lies on his side when Zach presses play. Turning off his overhead light Zach crawls onto the bed behind Gray. Zach is propped up on one arm and he can’t see Grays expression.
“Are you okay?” He asks looking at the back of his brothers’ head.
“Yeah I guess.”
Zach uses his free arm to sling it over Grays chest and to pull his brother against him. Zach squeezes tightly for a moment, as if to apologize again for how the evening has turned out. Gray squeezes Zach’s arm in return.
They fall asleep like that, but not before getting a few good laughs from the film.