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Patton looked over at the plushies of his fellow sides or the ones that had plushies. Not that he was completely opposed to having plushies of the dark sides or the others. But he was already feeling uncertain about whether it was okay to summon the ones he had. Let alone create new ones that weren’t being sold yet. He wasn’t sure if Roman would feel the summoning of new objects in the mind palace. Since that was usually a creativity thing. And Patton wasn’t sure about how the other would feel about Patton’s current uncertainty. His worry about it didn’t seem very characteristic of himself. That was more of a Virgil thing.
He already had the Patton plushy from when he used it in the latest Sanders Sides video, about plushies. But looking at that plushy before he went to bed just made him want the whole set. So now he was staring at the five plushies, the core sides, and Thomas. He found himself wondering if it was okay to seek comfort from these plushy forms. Given the current tensions in the mind palace since right after the wedding.
Logan, who he had almost always admired, would be his go-to for seeking a hug first. But, well Patton hadn’t been the best with him lately had he? Pressing skip all when he had been a bit overwhelmed by Putting Others First. And then letting Deceit parade around as Logan for a bit. Even if that did end up being better for Thomas and helping Patton to realize what he was doing wrong. That didn’t take away from how Logan was upset at the end of the video. Patton didn’t think he did a good job of reassuring the other after Logan pretty much voiced his upset. And they knew Logan would not likely admit to something emotional anyways.
He hadn’t seen a sign that anything had gone better. Plus, would Logan want Patton to seek comfort from a plushy version of himself? After all that. Not to mention Logan didn’t want to seem soft or ‘uwu’ as the kids say. They’re probably lucky the logical side even agreed to sell a plushy version of himself. So he wouldn’t approve.
Then there was Roman, whom Patton used to be buds with. They could get excited about things together. But, well Roman wasn’t too happy with Patton since Putting Others First either. Patton wasn’t sure how to go about fixing that. He didn’t think he’d done any good with trying to reassure the other. Even after deciding the princely side was wrong this time.
As for Virgil, well, they had been best friends. But lately, that hadn’t seemed to be the case. Virgil wouldn’t want to seem even cuter by Patton when he didn’t like the cutesy nicknames like kiddo. Never mind that Virgil agreed to have a plushy as well. That didn’t mean he’d want Patton to hug a Virgil plushy. That might offend him. Like it was weird to hug a plushy of someone who didn’t like you all that much right now.
With Thomas, well Patton was the Father figure side here, nevermind he was not the greatest at it. Thomas should be getting comfort from Patton, not the other way around. Although, Patton hadn’t been doing good with that lately. So maybe he should review that. So using plushy Thomas as a night time plush companion probably wasn’t right either. Even if side/human physical limitations could be inconsistent.
Janus would be another one he would want to seek comfort from. But again he didn’t have a plushy yet and Patton wasn’t sure yet if it was ok to try and summon one. Their friendship was relatively new. And Janus wasn’t a soft side either. Who knew if they’d ever agree to have plushies when they want to look tough? It wasn’t right to get one without their permission anyways.
Not that Patton disliked Remus, but he wouldn’t want to seek comfort from the other. They weren’t there yet. But if Patton had a plushy of every side except Remus, then it would seem like he was leaving the other out.
Patton sighed. He looked down at his own plushy of himself. He stroked the soft hair on the top. Wasn’t it kind of conceited to seek comfort from yourself like this? Who cared if Roman did from his own plushy, creativity was allowed to. Patton was supposed to be selfless, as part of his function. What would that say if he seeked out something selfish for comfort? Patton wilted. This seemed like too much overthinking. For something as simple as seeking out a plushy friend to go to sleep with too.
“Whoa,”
Patton eeked and leapt back against the headboard. Virgil was looking around with his brows furrowed in confusion.
“Uh K-Virgil!”
Patton felt a twinge of panic at how the plushies were between him and where Virgil now was. It would be hard to keep Virgil from seeing them. And then Patton felt bad about wanting to hide something from one of them.
“ What are you doing here? Not that you’re not allowed, I just didn’t expect-“
Virgil looked at him and sighed.
“I was summoned.”
Patton tilted his head. “I didn’t summon you. I wouldn’t do that at this hour.”
Virgil ran a hand through his hair. “No, I mean, I get summoned to a side when they are experiencing anxiousness as well. You know, as part of my function.”
Patton gaped.
“O-oh. Well, I-”
Patton wanted to deny it, but he knew Virgil didn’t like to be lied to.
“I’m uh sorry you got summoned here, but really I’m just being silly. You don’t have to worry about anything.”
Virgil just stared at him and raised an eyebrow.
“…okay, poor choice of words. But uh, it’s not something you really need to do anything about. I won’t keep Thomas from doing anything he needs to. Really, I should just get to sleep. I’m not trying to take your job or anything,” Patton then forced out a laugh, but he was pretty sure it sounded awkward. Virgil was quiet for a moment before he sighed again.
“Look Patton, I know I haven’t seemed too thrilled with you lately. We haven't solved everything, but that doesn’t mean I won’t still be there for you. Especially if you need help with something. I know you try your best, for all of us. And I’m not always the best at receiving it, because yeah you do mess that up at times.”
Patton couldn’t help his wince at that. Virgil continued,
“But we’re still like family or something I guess. Ugh, I hate this mushy stuff. I hope you know what I mean.”
Patton thought he did. He knew what he wanted it to mean. But he was afraid of being too much.
“How about you tell me what you’re worrying about?” Virgil asked.
Patton sighed, “It’s silly.”
“Would you tell me it’s silly if I said I was worried about something?”
Well, when he put it that way. “No, of course not.”
“Okay, so maybe try telling me anyways? I won’t judge. Goodness knows you know some of the wild stuff I’ve gotten anxious about.”
Patton’s lips twitch into a brief smile. He found himself looking down at the plushies. Virgil then looked at them as well and then back to Patton.
“I uh, wanted to comfort myself with these plushies, but I wasn’t sure if it was okay to.”
“You weren’t sure if it was okay to?”
“Yeah, like if the other sides would approve of me seeking comfort from their plushy selves.”
Virgil hmmed.
“Well, for what it’s worth, I don’t have a problem with you cuddling with the plushy of myself.”
Patton looked up. “Really?”
Virgil shrugged, “Sure. We have them for a reason. And it’s not like I don’t know you. It’s a pretty innocent thing to want to be honest. I know how you are.”
Patton was honestly a bit surprised at how chill he was about it.
“Why is that so surprising to you?” Virgil asked.
Patton shrugged, “Like you said, you’re not like super thrilled with me right now.”
“Patton, do we take down pictures of loved ones after an argument?”
“Well, we don’t.”
“I’m not gonna ban you from plushy privileges just because I don’t agree with every decision you make. And I don’t have that authority over you anyways.”
“But-“
“If it was a plushy of a real person, I’d have more anxieties about it. But we all agreed to have plushies of ourselves. We knew there was always a chance someone we may not like could get a plushy of us. Not that I’m saying I don’t like you anymore! I was just making my point,” Virgil said
Patton nodded.
“You’re not just saying this to make me feel better right? Or because you think you’re supposed to be fine with it? Because I genuinely care about your comfort with it.”
Virgil looked a bit exasperated, “Yes Patton, I promise I am okay with it.”
Patton smiled hesitantly as he reached for the Virgil plushy. He pulled it over and stroked the side of plushy Virgil’s jacket some. Patton still felt a bit self-conscious about it with Virgil still being there. He felt a bit silly.
“Did that help?” Virgil asked.
Patton nodded.
“Okay, good. Now, come with me,” He reached his hands out, “I have another idea.”
Patton furrowed his brows and clasped Virgil’s hands. Virgil sunk them out into the living room of the mind palace. Then he pulled slightly with the hands he let go with. Logan and Roman both rose up into the room. Roman was in his pajamas. Logan immediately shifted back into his regular outfit.
“Why did you call us here, Virgil?” Logan asked. “This is an unusual hour to summon us all to the living room.”
Roman scoffed, “I’ll say. I have a very important hair and face routine I simply must attend to before seeing anyone.”
Logan sighed, “Roman, we are all part of the same person. We all know what you look like regardless of that.”
Roman huffed and opened his mouth as though to argue. Virgil put his hands up.
“Roman, nobody cares what you look like right now. And I had a reason to summon you both here and not wait.”
Roman huffed and crossed his arms. Then raised an eyebrow as though for him to continue.
“I was summoned to Patton’s room because he worried that it would not be okay to cuddle with plushy versions of us.”
Logan sighed. “Really? This is what seemed to be of importance? I have much more to be handling, and need sufficient rest-“
“Logan,” Virgil got out. He leveled Logan with a look.
“It-it’s okay, really,” Patton said, “Goodness knows I wouldn’t have wanted to disturb you all over something so silly.”
Virgil leveled Patton with a look as well.
“How you feel isn’t silly, Patton. Gosh, I sure struggle with that as well. And Logan, you are well aware that Patton is the emotional side. And how emotions can impact Thomas’ well-being and productivity. I’m not saying every moment of discontent he needs to be coddled, but it is worth addressing. This may not be a big deal to you, but for such an emotional side it has significance. Please do not dismiss his feelings, Logan.”
Logan sighed and bowed his head some. “You are right, Virgil. I apologize Patton.”
Patton wasn’t sure what to say. He hadn’t really gotten past how Virgil just told them what Patton was concerned about. He looked to Logan and then to Virgil. He gave Virgil wide eyes.
Virgil continued, “Just trust me, okay? As Logan would say, if we have the ability to seek an answer to a quandary right away, we should get to it. Of course, he’d say it more eloquently but I hope I made my point. Roman, Logan, how do you feel about Patton going to bed with plushy versions of yourself?”
Logan furrowed his brows. “Why would I care either way? It does not personally affect me. I am well aware of the positive benefits of having a plush companion, as you all showed me in our latest video. We all agreed to the marketing of plushies of ourselves. I may not understand the personal need as I do not experience it myself. Yet, I do not have a problem with a plushy of myself being used for its intended purpose. It is only logical, in that case. “
Patton blinked.
“Oh, really?”
“Yes, Patton. That is what I just said,” Logan said.
“It wouldn’t be weird?” Patton asked
“Weird is a descriptor that seems to be relative to one’s perception. I am well aware you like stuffed animals and plushies. It would be er weirder to me if you didn’t have such toys or plush companions on your bed. As I know how you are,” Logan said.
“No I mean, uh well. Never mind,” Patton said.
Logan raised an eyebrow at that.
Patton continued,
“Just, well, like how Virgil would wonder if it’s weird to hold onto and use something from a former friend. When we are no longer friends with them.”
“The plushies did not belong to anyone before this. In fact, these imaginary manifestations of the ones Thomas is selling are his merch,” Logan said.
“Patton,” Virgil started. Although he was frowning now. “Are you meaning more as in still hanging up a drawing with you and a former friend when you are no longer speaking? That kind of thing?”
Patton wavered but hesitantly nodded. Logan still seemed confused.
“He thinks it might be wrong if you’re upset with him,” Virgil said.
“Ah,” Logan said. “No, my prior statement is still accurate. I did not expect to be giving someone permission to use a plushy of myself when I thought that was implicit. But I suppose reassurance is needed. These plushies are not significant in my priorities. Not enough to continuously change my approval of your use of them that is. So no, my answer is not dependent on whether we are getting along. We bud heads as is natural in our natures for what we represent for Thomas.
“Not to mention, when it is an object given to someone else, I do not think that is a common expectation anyways. If it were a gift, I believe some social rules would vary, but I would presume you summoned the plushy yourself. So you do not need to answer to anyone about what you do with it. I suppose part of me should be pleased you wanted my permission, but to be honest, I’m mostly exasperated,” Logan said.
“Logan,” Virgil said with a glare. Logan shrugged.
“I am a blunt and honest side. You are all aware of this. Sometimes in these cases being straightforward can be better anyways.”
Patton sighed and nodded. He hesitantly looked over to Roman, who was avoiding looking at him.
“Roman?” Virgil asked. Roman sighed and flung his hands out.
“Patton can go to bed with a plushy of me. I understand the appeal, I have one of myself as well.”
Virgil gave him a ‘really’ look.
“What? I do! Sometimes we need plushy companions, we just spent a video talking about this. Of course I’m not going to discourage such a thing.”
“But what about-“ Patton started.
“Padre, do you really think I’m petty enough to not want you to seek comfort from something?” Roman asked, finally looking at Patton. Patton was relieved to hear that nickname from the creative side. More than he realized he would have been.
“E-even if-“ Patton tried again.
“Like I said,” Roman posed dramatically, “I would understand wanting another me. Even if yours truly can’t be replaced.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t want to do that,” Patton said.
“I know, Patton. I was just saying. But I can see how another plush of myself would be more accommodating,” Roman said.
“What do you mean by more accommodating, Roman?” Patton asked. He didn’t like the sound of that.
Roman waved, “Oh you know, less likely to argue back and make you feel bad because you did something wrong to him. Goodness knows a plushy can’t get his feelings hurt,”
“Roman,” Virgil warned. Patton felt his heart tearing.
“What?” Roman said. “I’m just saying.”
Patton continued, “I-I don’t want to use it if you’re going to think I’m wanting to replace you.” Oh dear, Patton was close to tears now.
“Roman now is not the time to get into something like this. If you had a problem you should have just said something,” Virgil said.
“Oh, but could I have though?” Roman asked. “I am Thomas’s hopes, dreams, ambitions. If his heart wants to go to bed with a plushy of myself, who am I to say no.”
“B-because I genuinely care about what you think,” Patton said. Oh, his voice was wobbling.
Then Logan said, “Are we still talking about plushies here? This conversation got more emotional than I expected it to.”
Roman waved him off, “Oh feel free to leave now. You gave him your answer. I know you don’t care about feelings stuff.”
“Roman,” Virgil said.
“Am I wrong?” Roman asked.
Logan hmmed, “That is true, feelings are not my area. Yet, I find myself uncertain about if I should go given the state of you all now.”
Roman scoffed, “Oh, would you all calm down? I’m not saying he can’t have one, and what I say shouldn’t matter about that anyways.”
Before anyone could say anything else, Janus faded in. He was dressed as elegantly as he always was.
“Okay, this seems like a good time to step in.”
Roman threw his head back for a moment and groaned, “Oh, of course, you’re here! I really don’t know why yall are turning this into a whole thing. I am just saying what I know you all are thinking about me now anyways. Patton how I feel about you or myself does not change whether it is okay for you to cuddle a plushy of me. It is not my business. And I am saying for the record, it is okay with me. Snake face doesn’t need to be here. Nobody else needs to worry about this.”
The tension in the room was uncomfortable. Patton had mostly gotten what Virgil had been trying to get for him. The confirmation to soothe his worries about whether it was okay to cuddle plushies of the sides. But clearly, this didn’t solve everything, if Roman’s responses said anything. Patton swallowed and nodded.
“O-okay. Thank you all for letting me know, you certainly didn’t have to.”
“It’s fine,” Virgil said. Logan nodded.
“Yeah, whatever,” Roman said before sinking out. Everything did not feel okay.
“Well, I don’t think that solved itself the way he was acting like it did,” Janus said. “But perhaps we should continue that another day.”
Virgil sighed. “I’ll go, uh check on him.” Virgil looked to Patton though. “Are you going to be okay?”
With Janus there, Patton didn’t want to lie. Although he supposed he shouldn’t be feeling that way anyways.
“I uh, I think so. Yeah, go check on him. We’ll probably need to talk at some point.”
Virgil seemed unsure, but he nodded anyways and sunk out.
Logan cleared his throat. “Well, Patton. I am fairly certain that the conversation got to a very different point than what Virgil had in mind.
But as always, I am sure we will get through it.”
Patton smiled a little at that, “Thanks, Logan.”
“Of course,” Logan said before pausing. “Also, I know as I said we may not always see eye to eye. But along with Thomas’, I do care about your well-being. I may not always understand what it is like in your role. Not to mention I can experience frustration when it seems to conflict with my own. Yet. I would like you to please know that you can come to me as well. When you need to.”
Patton blinked at him, “Wait, really?”
Logan’s face softened, “Yes, of course.” Logan started to open his arms.
“I am not the most physically affectionate. But I know you have longings for such physical affection from friends and dear ones. So, I am offering a hug to you.”
Patton smiled. He reigned himself in from immediately jumping into the hug, like he had the urge to do. As Patton noticed the stiffness in how Logan held his arms out, Patton felt a gentler approach may be better. Patton walked forward and returned the hug. This was just as nice. Logan relaxed into the hug a bit more. When they pulled away Patton gave Logan a smile.
“Thanks, Logan.”
“You are welcome, Patton. Now, if the matter at hand has been resolved, I shall go back to my room. I need to at least attempt to get significant sleep for Thomas’s sake. Have a good night, Patton.”
“Good night, Logan.”
Logan sunk out.
Patton turned to go to his room.
“Patton?” Janus asked.
Patton was surprised the deceptive side was still there.
“Yes?”
“If I may ask, I overheard some of the conversation. You wanted to know if it was okay to go to bed with plushies of the other core sides?” Janus asked.
Patton sighed.
“Yeah.”
Janus pursed his lips for a moment. “Not that I care either way, but were you wanting to have plushies of all of us? Even those who don’t have official marketable ones yet?”
Patton’s eyes widened at that.
“It’s fine if you do. I figured as much, knowing you if you were already wanting the plushies that already exist.”
Janus waved a hand in a circle and a Janus plushy in a similar style to the other YouTooz plushies appeared in his hand.
“Remus had already designed a couple for us. Don’t worry, I altered this one so it’s safe,” Janus held it out to Patton, “Here you go if you want.”
Patton stared at the Janus plushy, awed. He tentatively started to reach for it.
“Are you sure?” Patton asked.
Janus nodded, “Yes, but you can’t tell the others about this.”
Patton frowned at that. Janus sighed.
“Sorry, I know you are not fond of secrets. You are the only one I can picture wanting one, anyways,” Janus said.
“Really?” Patton asked. Janus nodded.
“Is that really such a surprise?”
Patton wasn’t sure now, so he just nodded.
Janus waved his other hand and another Patton plushy appeared. Patton smiled at that.
“Just so you know, it’s okay to seek comfort from a plush of yourself,” Janus said.
Patton shifted in place.
“Really, it is. I can’t speak for you concerning morality. But if we are trying to be better at looking at our own needs to take care of ourselves, I think it’s fine. I have a plush of myself too you know.”
Janus brought another arm with a Janus plush. The unexpected appendage surprised a laugh out of Patton. Janus winked.
“Think of it as a way to practice being nice to yourself. You give the plushy hugs like the ones you want. You practice talking nicer to it. Of course, you don’t have to do these things. I’m just showing you examples of how using a plushy of yourself doesn’t have to seem bad. You can’t use this one though,” Janus said, pulling the Patton plush to his chest.
“This one is mine.”
That made Patton giggle again, which Patton is pretty sure was his goal.
“Keep that in mind with the Thomas plushy as well. You would want to hug Thomas? It’s fine to hug his plushy. You don’t need to worry about Fatherly roles and who gets comfort from whom. You are just getting to sleep for the night after all.
“Also, I know I’m not the softest side or whatever. But I am also willing to help you if you need it. Even for a gosh-forsaken hug. Oh, I am joking about that. I don’t actually have a problem with hugs. Just be sure to ask first.”
Patton nodded, “Of course.”
“Also,”
Janus brought out another extra appendage. Patton blinked at the Remus plushy in Janus’ fourth arm. Patton had a hard time picturing a Remus plushy before. It just hadn’t seemed like a form Patton could picture for the other.
“I’m not saying you have to have one, social obligations be damned. But I thought I’d at least show you. Remus shouldn’t mind. He doesn’t have to seem so bad.”
Part of Patton knew that. For some reason, seeing him like this…
“I uh, I may try.”
Janus smiled a bit as Patton held the Remus plushy, now having both dark side ones.
“Sleep well, Patton.”
Patton nodded. “You too.”
Patton made his way to his room. He still had uncertainties. That should be expected when not everything is solved though. He now had seven sanders sides plushies he could cuddle with as he went to bed. It took some adjusting to figure out everyone’s bed arrangement. His arms were only so big to hug whom he could at once. So some he clung to in his arms, and others laid against him on the sides. It was nice. Patton let himself smile.
“Goodnight, everyone,” he whispered before closing his eyes to go to sleep.