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Xiao knew that Lumine was a traveler and what that meant. He knew that from the moment they met, there would always be a farewell. He knew that so he kept at her an arms length, built a wall around himself so that he could protect not only her but himself. But she easily slipped in and stuck by his side, and he, like a fool, allowed it.
Perhaps it was because he had grown accustomed to people leaving him that he believed that he was immune to this feeling. That he would be okay, because he was used to being alone, he was used to this feeling. That even if they parted, it would be okay because it would be a familiar pain.
And enduring pain was something he had been doing for centuries. Pain was something he believed he had become accustomed to. Something he knew how to handle, something he knew how to solve.
But this felt different.
It began as an emptiness, more of an annoyance than anything else as he noticed how much of his life was now filled with her presence.
There was a lack of morning greetings when she was not in Liyue. Of finding her waiting for him on the balcony and asking him if he slept well as the morning set made her eyes sparkle brightly. He would make an off comment that he did not need sleep and she'd just tilt her head with a raised brow and a knowing smile.
When she was in Liyue she would ask for his help on a few commissions. Even if they were small, she asked--and when he asked if she really needed his help, she would smile and say that she simply wanted to spend more time with him. It was a strange concept at first, for someone to willingly want to be around him. To seek him out in a crowd and stay by his side despite the karmic sins that must have lingered on him.
"Do..I...Does it not bother you?" He asked carefully as they finished clearing out a camp of treasure hoarders.
"Hmn?"
"You must feel it--the unsettling aura that surrounds me..." The centuries of blood that he spilled as demons cursed his name. The way it lurked inside of him, the growing pain of restraining the karmic sins that accumulated within him. "...I am not exactly easy to be around."
"Is that so? I never really noticed."
His brows knitted in confusion. She approached him slowly before wiping the blood from his cheek. Her gentle touch left a lingering warmth that he wanted to lean towards. The soft touch made the ache in his shoulders vanish and he felt a relief rush through his body. A moment of peace, a moment of serenity, a moment that she gave him every time they were together.
"I like that I could depend on you even if I'm not from this world...I like that I can call out your name and you will keep your promise and come to me. I like spending time with you whether it's picking out some flowers or defeating some beasts. I like eating with you and making you new dishes to try. I like being around you, Xiao." Lumine smiled shyly as her thumb rubbed his cheek. "Do you... Do you like being around me?"
Her question seemed more like an outreached hand. She was offering to stay by his side for as long as he wanted it. She was giving him the choice of continuing whatever this was. This indescribable relationship that he did not know that he desired until now. Her gaze was warm and kind as she looked at him, and yet it held a sense of nervousness. Was she nervous that he would say yes? For would that not be a burden on her? Or was she nervous because he might say no?
Did she also crave his company as he did hers?
"I think you already know my answer," Xiao said gently. She must know that if he tried, he would not be here. If he so desired it, he could have easily avoided her, telling her that he was too busy to help her or to entertain her whims. He could have easily lied to her and told her that he preferred to be alone like he did with everyone else.
But she would see right through him, wouldn't she?
"I'd still like to hear it."
He looked at her flushed cheeks, pink from the battle they had just fought. He looked at the warm gaze that she always gave him, making him feel vulnerable and seen. He looked at the way her lips curved into a small smile, a patient smile. She knew his answer and yet wanted to hear it.
"How long have you been waiting for my answer?"
"Quite a while but I do not mind waiting for you."
His lips parted slightly before he let out a sigh and put a hand over the hand that was still on his cheek. "I...do not think like...is the right word for what I feel."
"Oh? Then what is it?" There was a lift in her voice, a playfulness that made his heart beat a bit faster.
"I don't...quite know yet."
"Then I can wait a bit longer until you find that word....but can I assume that you also like being around me."
He nodded slowly, almost afraid that it wasn't enough even though she said that she said it was. He did not want to lose whatever this was. It had become something precious, that much he was sure of.
"Then shall we go have dinner?" She dropped her hand from his cheek and he wished she didn't. But soon felt the warmth return as she took his hand in her and gave it a small squeeze. "There's a new dish at Chef Mao's I'd like that try."
His lips lifted in a small smile before motioning for her to lead the way. "I'd like that."
And as the days approached when she would leave for Sumeru, he felt a heavy weight on his chest. He dreaded the sunsets that he would share with her because that meant another day was over and that soon she would say goodbye again. It left a dull ache in the middle of his chest.
He stared out the window of his room, staring at the view of Dihua Marsh. A view that he had become familiar with, watching as the plains moved and merged the mountains. As the cranes perched themselves near the water before spreading its wings to fly back home.
It was a view that he was familiar with and yet--it felt incomplete without her.
The realization came slowly but maybe he finally found the word to describe how he felt.
That when she was not around, he became acutely aware of her lack of presence. That there would be no one to greet him in the morning and ask if he had breakfast and if he didn't, if he wanted to join her. When she was away from Liyue, he could not hear her voice call out his name as clearly as he did when she was in his domain.
It made him anxious and afraid that she'd call out his name and he couldn't reach her in time. Or worse, that he would be unable to hear her and break his promise. Even when he fought alongside her, watching from the corner of his eyes to make sure she was safe and sound--he still felt nervous.
It would bother him and stick in the back of his mind as he patrolled through Liyue. He would wonder if she had was resting well or if she still had nightmares in Inazuma and the Chasm. He would wonder if she ate and if so, what. He would wonder if she thought of him as much as he did.
The only relief he'd find for this strange pain were her letters. He wondered if she knew how special they were to him. How the Madam of the Inn would smile as she held out the envelope with a familiar handwriting and a pressed flower. How he carefully would hold it so as to not stain it with any blood or dirt before opening it up. That he could almost hear her voice from the pages, and it didn't matter if the contents were boring such as what sort of commissions this new nation gave her--it still relieved the gnawing emptiness that wouldn't go away until she came back.
You've changed. Shenhe said once when he met her on his visit to Cloud Retainer's abode. And at first, he did not understand what she meant by that. But he had come to realize what she meant by those words--it wasn't just that he changed but that he now had something to look forward to. That he had someone fill in the emptiness he had thought was normal. He found someone that was special and someone he missed even when she was right beside him.
Whether it was a few days or a few months--he would miss her.
He would miss the sight of her golden eyes as they lifted to look at him and reflected the colors of the sunrise. He would miss the warmth he felt as she looked at him with a gentle smile. He would miss the way her hand fit in his. He would miss the soft way she called out his name only to laugh and say she just wanted to say his name.
And maybe it was even more than simply missing her. He would yearn for the days when they could spend doing nothing and how that would be more than enough. He would long for her because when he was around her, the pain he felt for centuries would quiet and he felt like he finally found some peace in his life.
"It's getting harder to leave Liyue...But...I guess it'll only be for a few weeks...a month at most." Lumine said as she stared at the path that would lead to Sumeru. Ever since their time in the Chasm, there seemed to be something that changed between them.
"Hmnn." He hummed as he stood quietly next to the statue and watched as she paced back and forth nervously. "I hope you'll be more careful this time than you were in Inazuma."
"Well I didn't really expect--" She turned around and stopped her words when she caught his stern gaze. A smile appeared on her lips before she took his hands in hers. "Okay...I'll try not to get into too much trouble this time. I wouldn't want to worry you." She looked at him with a reassuring smile, her thumb rubbing against his hand. “Don’t be too lonely without me.”
"The moment you leave Liyue...." He paused as he looked away bashfully. "I'll worry."
The smile on Lumine's lips grew as she leaned in and turned her head to meet his eyes. "What was that?"
"Don't pretend that you didn't hear it."
"Mmn but I really didn't." She laughed and gave his hand a squeeze. "Are you saying that the great Yaksha worries about me?"
A beat of silence.
"Xiao?" She wondered if she pushed him too far. If he would bring back up the wall she tried so hard to break down.
"I worry about you. I'll be lonely because you're not around. " He said quietly before he turned to look at her, pulling her hand to bring her closer to him. Lowering his head slightly, he pressed his forehead against hers and sighed at the feeling of warmth spreading throughout his body. "I like being around you...but I don't think I can stand being without you...So please don't take too long...for my sake."
Her eyes widened before she nodded slowly."I'll be back soon." She said as she rubbed her nose against his. "I promise...I'll...come back to you."
"I'll be waiting." His lips curved into a small smile as his eyes softly gazed into her eyes.
She wrote that she would be back before the Lantern Rite Festival and that he was obligated to spend the entire time with her. He couldn't help but smile as he read the letter. His chin propped up against his hand as he lightly touched her signature. To be able to share another year with her, to watch the lanterns rise and glitter above them.
Xiao wondered what sort of wish she would make this time around. Knowing her, she would also be running around Liyue helping out wherever she could. Maybe he should steal her away and tell her that she was just as obligated to spend time with him. That it has been well over the month that she promised it would take. She would probably argue that she did come back for short visits and he would have to tell her that wasn't enough.
But would that even stop her from helping anyone who asked? He would just have to follow behind and help when he could.
Knock. Knock.
His head lifted to look out the window and his eyes widened. There on the branch outside his window was Lumine, sitting with a smile on her lips as she waved her hand. "Xiao." She whispered his name with a playful glint in her eyes.
He quickly moved across the room to open the window, the breeze was warm as he looked at her with a confused expression. "Lumine? What are you doing here? Why did you not use the stairs? You could have just come through the door."
"I wanted to surprise you." She said with a giggle and tilted her head. "And I think I succeeded because that is a look that I never thought I'd get to see."
"Do you find teasing me amusing?"
"Very much so."
"Your letter said that you would be coming tomorrow. I was going to meet you at the gates."
“Were you planning on greeting me with a bundle of flowe—“ It was then she noticed the flowers in the vase behind him and she couldn’t help but laugh.
He bashfully looked away, muttering the usual line that she had no respect for the adepti.
“I wanted to come home.” She said softly, the smile on her lips soft and sweet. “I missed you...and even a day was too long when all I wanted was to be with you.” She swung her legs before she pushed herself off the branch. Quickly catching her in his arms, his eyes widened before they softened when he heard her soft laugh.
Her eyes twinkled as she looked at him before she tilted her head and gave him a short peck on the lips. “I’m home, Xiao.” She whispered into his ear, soft, gentle, words that were meant just for him. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer and he buried his face into the nook of her neck. His heart thumped rapidly against his chest as he breathed in the sweet floral scent that always lingered on her.
“Welcome home, Lumine.”