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Spock, sat crossed legged on the carpeted floor, eyes closed, as he attempted to clear his mind from the minute shame he could feel simmering in his core.
Be logical. Be calm.
There was no point in wallowing in the embarrassment of how he ended up in this situation, in the unVulcan-ness of it. Indeed, having his spirit separate from his physical body due to the pressure of an upcoming project and the, in general, not-wanting-to-do-it-ness was undignified, but drowning in shame as his thoughts went back to it from time to time was foolishly human and unproductive.
He took in a deep bodiless breath. Clear your mind.
In an attempt to thwart the stress caused by his academics, he had meditated to such advanced levels of spirit and body equilibrium, that his physical form dematerialised. It was said that ancient high priestesses on Vulcan were able to achieve the spirit-body state just before their deaths and could therefore continue to live as immortal souls. However, this is considered a legend as many Vulcans throughout history have been unsuccessful in reaching this state. With no further knowledge on the technique, Spock could only assume that he would have to reach the same level of concentration in order to reinstate his physical form.
If he failed, he risked not having a corporeal form forever.
Failure was not an option.
Clear your mind, Spock.
THUD
Clear your mind
THUD
Clear-
THUD
What-
“Damnit, Jim, I’m a med student not your personal moving man!” a voice called out, disrupting the silence.
Two human men came crashing into the room, one directing what Spock estimated to be a fond smirk at the other. The second man was carrying three large boxes perilously stacked on top of each other, and all that was visible of him was his arms struggling to hold them together.
“Chillax Bones, besides in space, even doctors need to be fit.”
Spock blinked once to reign back his bewilderment.
“Apologies for interrupting, but may I ask who you are and what you are doing in my room?” Spock inquired. But the two humans simply continued to loudly bicker as they settled into the room.
“Can you hear me?” Spock tried asking more loudly, however with no success. It seemed that as a spirit, he was both invisible and inaudible.
..
Giving up trying to communicate with the humans, Spock decided to observe them in order to figure out why they were there. He watched as they left the boxes on the counter and began to haphazardly unpack their contents.
The human called “Bones” surveyed the room, while the one called “Jim” continued to shove assorted items into open cupboards.
“Of course you chose this ridiculously retro styled room, is that an actual microwave? I know our dorms don’t have food synthesisers but this has a kitchenette. Can’t picture a lazy bastard like you actually using it,” muttered the medical student, patting the microwave oven instrument for emphasis.
“I’m a man of many hidden charms, old school cooking is just one of them,” retorted ‘Jim’, with an easy grin.
‘Bones’ rolled his eyes. “In a pig’s eye.”
It seemed that during the time that Spock had become a spirit, he had been assigned a roommate. A loud, messy, human one at that, together with an equally illogical companion that were both currently disturbing his carefully constructed tranquillity.
Spock took a moment to suppress a nervous feeling that began to stir at the thought of the possible implications this situation may have on his meditation mission.
The two men continued to chat idly while unpacking his roommate’s personal items, turning Spock’s neatly and minimalistically organised apartment into chaotic dishevelment.
He watched on with one eyebrow raised, when to his alarm, a rectangular paper wrapped bar of contraband caught his eye. He quickly snatched the item while the two students were looking elsewhere and hid it in his locked bedroom. Spock could not confidently predict what this would lead to, but for now, subtly discouraging his new roommate’s reckless plans of intoxication before the semester had even begun, was the only logical thing to do.
As Spock placed the contraband into one of his cupboards, he heard one of the humans approaching his room door and attempting to open it.
“Huh, I guess this room is locked. Maybe the admin didn’t register my biometrics for the second bedroom.”
“Oh hey isn’t the chess club giving out free donuts for orientation? We should head down there before they’re all gone,” the blond student said to the other, dusting his hands together with the completion of their task.
“Sure but we better not have to dance the macarena for these donuts like last time, Jim.”
The humans exited the dorm room, in the same loud manner as they had entered it, this time arguing about the merits of free confectionery goods versus public humiliation.
The room was finally quiet again but the disarray of clothes and personal trinkets scattered around the room and in half opened cupboards sneered back at Spock. He silently mourned the loss of his own space, but it was insignificant compared to what he was at risk of losing.
He decided to retreat to his bedroom and stay there until he had figured out how to recover his corporeal form.
-----
Kirk and Mccoy entered the cafeteria and walked to where the first years were gathered, eyes sparkling at the yearly popup donut stall.
There were many different clubs scattered throughout the large, sleek eating area, each with their own temporary stalls with differing varieties of free snacks or other student-helpful items.
They were all trying their hardest to lure in the freshmen, naive and curious, but naturally the chess club’s stall was the most popular. It had nothing to do with the club itself but everything to do with the actually decent donuts they offered, but still it was effective.
It was Starfleet Academy tradition to start your first year signing up for too many classes and far too many extracurriculars, but after a few months Jim knew the reality would come crashing down on them, and they’d realise that they wouldn’t even have enough time to dedicate to their minimum requirement modules, let alone three dimensional board games.
Kirk could already feel the upcoming semester’s exhaustion work its way behind his eyes.
They grabbed their donuts, Kirk showing his thanks with a smile and wink at the cute girl who was manning the stall, and made their way to the familiar corner of the cafeteria, spotting the distant shapes of their motley crew.
Pavel beamed up at Kirk who was still trying to pull out a chair while balancing his 3 donuts - how had Bones managed it - when the younger boy asked him,
“So, have you finished moving into your new room yet? I can’t believe you’re gonna be just across from us! This is going to be so exciting! I’m so glad they let you move outta block B. Are you sharing it with anyone? At least now you don’t have to live with your last year’s roommate, wasn’t that guy like super creepy, what was his name again? Mudd I think. But also aren’t you worried about the workload for-.”
“Woah calm down there Chekov, yes I’ve moved in and yes it’s gonna be really fun being neighbours. Judging by how neat and empty the place was, it seems like no one else moved in. But the second bedroom seems to be locked for now. If it turns out I’ll be having a single room to relax in, it’ll be a nice change. And no, I’m not stressed about the WL, this semester is gonna be a breeze,” Jim said, unable to keep the endeared amusement out of his voice.
Uhura and Bones both scoffed at the same time, either at Chekov’s unfocused starry eyes or at Kirk’s cheesy finger-guns at the word “breeze”, as everyone knew that as soon as classes started, he’d be holed up in his room, overworking and undersleeping.
-----
At sunrise, Spock thought back to his night of unsuccessful meditation due to a series of specific events. Much like the universe, it started with a bang.
The human announced his arrival to the dorm by kicking the door open and tossing his bag carelessly straight through him.
The human then went on to research on his computer in the lounge, which would have been commendable had it not been “Early 21st Century Cooking for Dummies” that he was fervently highlighting.
The questionable research was accompanied by loud intermittent chewing of individual rings of artificially coloured sucrose-drenched whole grain. What made it all the more infuriating was that it came from a cardboard box with a childishly depicted toucan and a gross misspelling.
Spock knew that the combination of sighing, crunching, and stretching from the human and occasional beeps from his unanswered communication device were loud enough to reach his bedroom. He therefore gave up on any meditation plans for the night.
After a particularly long yawn, the human proceeded to lie down on the couch for approximately 127 seconds before he let out a frustrated huff and abruptly got up. Then to Spock’s utter disbelief, he instructed the computer to play grating classical Earth music and proceeded to do a workout consisting of pushups, squats, abdominal crunches and planks.
Spock closed his eyes and took a deep breath of relief after witnessing the human fall asleep on the floor after 17 sets. He retreated to his bedroom.
Peace at last.
But alas, Spock’s serenity was shattered by wall shakingly loud snores and unconscious mutterings. Even in sleep, the human continued to disturb the peaceful environment that Spock required. He did not think this was something he could handle as an everyday occurrence.
He would need to do something, perhaps scare the human out of the apartment.
He was basically considered a ghost after all, it was only logical.
--
The bright chirping of tiny birds awakened the golden haired man from his far too short slumber. The sunlight that streamed into the room did no favours to the softly pounding headache that was forming.
He stumbled slowly, like a drunk man, towards the kitchenette, and brewed a pot of coffee from the container he had in the cupboard. He downed his coffee and opened his half-closed eyes just a bit more.
With no thoughts, head empty, Kirk got ready for breakfast and dragged himself out of the room, with only the cafeteria's particular brand of coffee as his goal.
--
Bones looked up from his rye toasted bread, eggs, and faithful cup o' joe, watching wearily as Jim slumped into his seat. It was always a sight to behold every morning. His normally painstakingly "natural" bed hair had not yet been artfully tousled, his eyes drooping closed and his collar rumpled.
He was clutching what Bones knew to be his second and definitely not final mug of coffee. Bones wondered if it was worth attempting to communicate with the academy's resident insomniac.
“Morning Jim.”
"Nrghhh."
“You know the semester hasn't even started yet, how can you be this tired already?”
"Mmghfggh.”
“What were you even doing last night? Don't tell me it was cat videos again.”
"Ghnnnfmmggh"
"Why are you this way?"
Bones’ only reply was the thud of his friend's head hitting the white table. Their one-sided conversation was interrupted by Sulu and Chekhov approaching.
“I see Jim's eager for the semester to begin,” came Sulu's amused voice as they sat down with their breakfasts in hand.
"You know Jim, ever the morning person," answered Bones sarcastically.
“Ahh mornings, this reminds me of the Russian folk tale where a little girl named Vasilisa had a doll that helped her wake up each morning. Wouldn’t it be nice for Jim to have something like that,” Chekov exclaimed cheerfully as his hands slowly crept closer to Kirk's lukewarm coffee.
Bones’ sharp eyes caught the gesture and was quick to respond.
“That's great kid, but where do you think your right hand is going? You know that firstly, Jim would eviscerate you if you so much as breathed on his coffee, and secondly you don't want the incident of Tuesday the 17th o '53 to happen again. The next time I'm letting you near a drop of caffeine in shape or form is when you're 18."
Pavel gave a sheepish grin just as Kirk abruptly jolted upright. The three of them watched as he chugged down the rest of the coffee and said "Ughhhh I may as well start my term project. Catch you guys later, Kirk out ;)"
“Hold on a hot minute Jim, you better not think of leaving to seclude yourself in your room like a hermit before getting a good breakfast," Bones said with an unrelenting stare.
The two friends glared fiercely at each other until Kirk folded.
“Fine mum, I'll go,” was the reluctant reply from Kirk as he tried to scheme a way away from Bones.
Kirk stood up and headed to the section of food synthesisers. As he debated the various breakfast options, his eyes caught his favourite childhood meal.
Bones said he had to eat breakfast, but he never said a
healthy
breakfast.
--
After the human Kirk had left, Spock decided to start thinking of ways to get the annoyance out of his apartment. Spock was not too sure about where to start, even though this would have technically been his 2nd year of living on the planet Earth. But of course it's not like he had previously studied human's fears. He refused to attend those so-called “Hallowed Ween” parties the student body seemed to enjoy every year.
His eyes scanned the room until they landed on the main computer console and the inkling of an idea started to form. Spock started up the computer, paused for a moment and inputted into the search engine: “How to scare a human”.
Spock neutralised the frustration he could feel almost bubbling up as he clicked site after site that provided him with one piece of unhelpful material after the other.
Ghouls? Vampires? Taxes? Were these the things humans were genuinely afraid of? Half of it was bizarre fiction and the other half was normal societal functionalities.
Fear itself was already an illogical emotion, one he planned to use against this golden trespasser, but it seemed that the sources of fear to these humans were confusing and hard to implement in order to scare one.
He paused at a site that seemed surprisingly relevant to his situation.
“How to Haunt Your Roommate” published on wikihow.com.
Does your loud, messy roommate not respect your personal space? Tired of feeling voiceless when you try to speak up to them? Do you feel your roommate looks right through you when you attempt conflict resolution?
Sometimes the only way to get rid of your unwanted co-inhabitor is through spooky pranks and hijinks. Here's a seasonal halloween guide:
The enumerated steps showed a clear path to Spock’s ultimate goal: “getting rid of your annoying roommate”.
Step One: Leave creepy symbols in unexpected places.
Some people are easily frightened by symbols relating to the occult such as pentagrams,
triquet-
Spock was interrupted by the sound of unnecessarily loud footsteps, no doubt from the unwanted inhabitant of this room.
Kirk walked in just as Spock turned off the computer. The last image he saw before the screen had faded away remained at the forefront of his mind. Despite having not read the first step to completion, he felt informed enough to attempt it.
The human looked happy with a plate of confectionary flat-bread in hand. He looked through his cupboards, letting out a small yey as he found what appeared to be a bottle of flavoured syrup. He placed both on the counter before turning to his coffee-making machine.
Spock decided this was the opportunity to strike. What could be more of an unexpected place than the meal you are about to consume.
As the human busied himself, Spock focused on making his hand tangible so that he could take hold of the syrup bottle. He hastily drew out a pentagram on the flat-breads. He placed the bottle down in time just as Kirk pivoted back towards his plate.
He watched the human’s face keenly, awaiting his fearful response.
--
Kirk’s hand paused its reach for the golden syrup as he took in the state of his pancakes. He blinked uncomprehendingly at the syrup pattern already drawn.
He was pretty sure he hadn’t already poured on syrup, not at the cafeteria and definitely not now. He came to a realisation as he processed the specific design that the syrup made.
Kirk sighed in disbelief as he read his friends’ comments.
This flower was clearly meant to cheer him up, and judging from his friends' responses, Bones was definitely the culprit. There was no one else he knew who was subtly caring enough to do such an action but so adamantly unwilling to admit it.
Yeah, he wasn’t fooling anyone with that double commenting.
“Ah Bones, such a tsundere.”
Spock looked on in confusion at the unexpected reaction. The human’s face was supposed to go pale in fear but instead lit up with amusement. This must have been his own fault, foolishly not reading the entire article before executing his plan. He would have to prepare adequately before his next attempt.
----
The sun’s sharp glare filtered through the windows of the eleventh floor of the library, casting a harsh light over the two friends attempting to work. As hard as it was to focus on their computer screens with the intense sunlight, it was nothing compared to the sweltering mid-summer heat.
Kirk groaned as he struggled to get any further on his calculations. He had planned to start working on a field equation for reverse gravity effects at warp speed this morning, but after two hours, all he had was a blank screen to show for it.
Next to him, Uhura seemed to have made similar progress with her translation of an ancient Caitian text.
“Ughh I can’t do this anymore,” Kirk whined miserably.
Uhura, with her head face down on the table, gave a grumbled agreement.
After a beat of suffering silence, Uhura turned her head towards Kirk, as if sensing his growing pout. “Should we just try again tonight? Say 21 hundred hours?”
“Too. Hot. Can’t. Think.”
“Okay I’ll just make the decision for us, let’s just go home. We’ll try again tomorrow when the weather is less god-awful,” Uhura said, getting up.
Kirk forced himself up with a grimace. “Yeah, I think this heat is giving me a headache.”
The two of them slowly moved towards the exit. They passed groups of students all looking similarly defeated by the hot weather.
“They really chose the worst day to do air conditioning maintenance. It’s only going to be worse back at our rooms,” Uhura muttered, frustration clear in her voice.
“I suggest just sleeping it off. That’s what I’ll be doing,” Kirk finger gunned weakly.
They finally reached the sliding doors.
As the library doors opened, they were hit with the simmering air outside. Kirk squinted at the student residence, much too far in the distance.
“We’re totally gonna die.”
--
Step Two : Create cold spots by repeatedly adjusting the thermostat.
In many myths and legends, cold spots are frequently associated with ghost hauntings. By creating your own artificial cold spots, your irritant housemate is sure to start suspecting something supernatural. Fluctuating the temperatures in different rooms, via the thermostat, will create the illusion of cold spots, and is bound to run a chill down your roommate’s spine.
Spock stared doubtfully at the roommate removal instruction manual.
Surely these cold spots are not indicative of the presence of ghosts. But I have noticed that I am currently at a temperature lower than room temperature. Maybe if I focus, I can reduce the temperature of the whole room, and take advantage of this myth.
--
Kirk collapsed on his couch when he finally reached his room. He rested for a few minutes before he realised something odd. The temperature of his room was actually quite pleasant. He looked towards the aircon vent curiously, but it was still turned off.
Getting off the couch, he headed back out the door of his room to check if the weather had somehow cooled down unexpectedly. The temperature of the hallway was still scorching.
He decided to check next-door with Sulu and Chekov, to see if they were experiencing anything similar. He punched in the four digit code and as the doors opened, he took in the scene before him.
His two friends were submerged in a mini-inflatable pool in the middle of their living room, languidly playing Space-Jenga. If this wasn’t indicative enough of their room not being cooled like his own, the still present intensely heated air was.
Smiling at the result of a plan clearly suggested by Chekov, he turned back to further investigate his room.
---
Spock watched as the human returned to the apartment, eagerly awaiting his reaction. Kirk darted between the living room and the other rooms with an increasingly bemused expression, before stopping still in front of the couch.
His thoughtful pause only lasted a few seconds before he shrugged and flopped down onto the cushions. Spock watched flabbergasted as the relaxed human closed his eyes and began humming another classical earth ballad, an unintentional soundtrack to Spock’s failure.
The serene expression on Kirk’s face was not something Spock expected, much less wanted.
Kirk seemed to also be immune to this method of eviction.
--
Two weeks later, and Spock had still not made any progress in successfully scaring away his roommate.
He had implemented several more steps from the manual but each ended up somehow only adding to the human’s obnoxiously relentless positivity. His faith in the effectiveness of the wikihow.com was dwindling, but he decided he could give it one last chance.
Looking at step six, he decided that if it was unable to produce an adverse reaction from his roommate, he would abandon the guide, and look for other ways to frighten him out.
Step Six : Write a spooky message on the bathroom mirror.
Another classic horror film inspired idea. Sneak into the bathroom the next time your annoying roommate is having a shower. Take advantage of the fogged up mirror surface and write a frightening note. Anyone would be alarmed at the appearance of a chilling message while they are at their most vulnerable. Especially if it seemingly came out of nowhere. Just be careful not to get caught!
--
Pain. There are many forms but perhaps the most intense is the mental torture of trying to derive an quantum field theory formulation for specific anti-relativistic effects at warp speed.
Kirk has been working almost nonstop entirely on this calculation, but with little success. The most frustrating thing is that he knows he’s nearly got it to work, but his progress had been stagnant for the past few days.
Utterly tired of recalculating the same equation over and over again, he decided a shower would be the perfect refreshing break to clear his mind.
Feeling infinitely better, he stepped out of the shower and moved towards the sink, motivated enough to take up his nightly skin care regimen again.
He looked up and froze at the unexpected letters cutting through the thin layer of condensation on the mirror’s surface. As he took in the words, he let out a shaky gasp.
--
Bones wasn’t the type to believe in miracles, but the sight that greeted him at breakfast could just about change that. He considered himself an early riser, even beating Chekov and his boundless energy.
Once in a while, he could expect one of his friends to surprise him by being first to the cafeteria table. If he had to rank them according to who is most likely, Jim would be right at the very bottom of his list.
Filled with disbelief, he approached the lone figure of his friend who was sitting at their table. As he sat down, he noticed that Kirk had even more shockingly chosen to consume something that wasn't just caffeine.
Instead of the usual large mug of coffee, Kirk was eating waffles and scrambled eggs paired with what looked like a milkshake.
Kirk looked up from the tablet he was reading when he noticed Bones’ staring.
“Good morning Bones,, it’s a beautiful day :D ”
“What in tarnation is going on?”
“Breakfast, obviously. Want some eggs?
“Is that… tell me I’m not going crazy, that’s a coffee milkshake at least, right?”
“Nope. It's rooibos. Great for the mind, good for the soul.”
Kirk punctuated his self-help book sounding statement with a large slurp of his rooibos milkshake.
“Jim, the last time I saw you, you were literally crying over your equation work. You were barely lucid, and I didn’t even want to try to estimate how many cups of coffee you had. Why do you look so…”
“So what?”
“Happy. Relaxed. Overall, more healthy.”
Kirk’s eyes lit up, “Haven’t you been keeping up with my InStarGram? I have a guardian angel.”
“Surely you can’t be serious.”
“Firstly, my name is Jim not Shirley.”
“I will stab you.”
“And secondly, all these random, inexplicable, good things have been happening to me lately. Just checking, but you really didn’t draw that syrup flower right? Because I think it started that day.”
“You’re telling me you didn’t draw that yourself?”
“Scout’s honour. And then, do you remember that heat wave we had? That coincided with the day they did the air conditioning maintenance across the whole campus?”
“Sure.”
“Uhura and I almost died trying to study that day. We gave up and went back to our rooms, but get this,” Kirk said leaning forward, Bones subconsciously mirroring him. “My living room was perfectly cool. And I think it was the only room in the entire dorm that was. I even checked Sulu and Chekov’s place.”
“Why the hell didn’t you call me if your aircon was working? I had to volunteer to deep clean the med lab cold room just to escape the heat,” Bones grumbled.
“You’re kind of missing the point here. Anyway I nearly overslept the day I had to present that seminar, but I woke up in time because I swear I could hear someone calling my name. It was a little distorted but no one was there. I was in too much of a hurry to really think it over at the time.”
“I don’t think all of this is proof of a guardian angel Jim, though I am starting to get more concerned.”
“Wait till you hear about the wall scratching ASMR.”
“...”
Bones stares at him incredulously.
“Okay fine, I’ll tell you about what really convinced me yesterday.
So you know I’ve been struggling with that anti-gravity equation for a while now. Well as you know, the writing I found on my mirror after I got out of the shower, actually helped me solve that problem. And I swear I didn’t write it myself. It was the solution! It was so simple but it evaded me for so long! Be one! If I let the warp permittivity constant equal one it greatly simplifies the rest. My guardian angel left that for me Bones. They helped me find it”
“Okay seriously, if you’re not joking, and you haven’t done those things yourself, I think someone is just playing a prank on you. That or you’ve finally cracked. All those sleepless nights and caffeine binges were going to come back to you eventually.”
“I know it’s not the most convincing evidence so I’ll drop it for now. But you don’t have to worry about me, this is the most relaxed and well-rested I’ve been in a long time. ”
Bone sighs. “At least you’re eating better now.”
--
Spock, thankfully alone in the apartment for once, was struggling to successfully meditate against the intrusive thoughts of his numerous failed attempts at banishing his resident human. He had thought that a short session would help him focus his mind to come up with a better plan to remove Kirk, as the wikihow guide proved to be utterly useless.
But every time he tried to clear his mind, he couldn’t help but see the soft smile the human made after each attempted scare instead.
Foolish.
The sound of the neighbour’s door opening was a welcome distraction to Spock’s wandering thoughts. The two humans were having a loud conversation and with nothing better to do, Spock focused on their words.
“Well Pavel, with flowers you can’t go wrong, especially if you go to a florist.”
“Ah but you see, I was thinking of picking them myself. I think it adds to the romance.”
“In that case, I’d say just avoid picking the butterfly milkweeds outside the quad. They have a negative meaning in floriography , essentially saying ‘please leave me’. Not the best message to give to the astrobotanist major, that you’re trying to woo.”
“Thanks for the flower advice Sulu, I knew you’d be-”
The chipper voice faded as the pair walked along, out of Spock’s hearing range. But that was inconsequential. Spock had received all the information he required. He would order the ‘butterfly milkweed’ to be delivered to the apartment.
---
It was a fairly calm day in the apartment. The human Kirk was preparing for the upcoming captaincy candidate evaluation, a fact that Spock discovered against his will, as the blond man had chosen to do so out loud.
He had been diligently refining and practising his presentation for the past week. It was perhaps the period of time that Spock had, despite himself, most enjoyed the human’s presence.
The focused human had little time for his usual annoying habits and to Spock’s surprise, his unorthodox outlook on command protocols were, in fact, thought-provoking.
The buzzing of the doorbell broke the relative calm in the apartment. Spock watched as the human curiously jerked his head up at the sound.
Kirk slowly got up from his desk and stretched his back muscles with a tired sigh. With each step the human took towards the door, Spock could feel the low thrum of anticipation rising.
This would be it.
Even someone as illogical as Kirk would read the message of the flowers loud and clear. Spock would finally know peace again, and would be able to meditate back into corporeal form.
The human opened the door and let out a soft, surprised noise.
Spock avidly observed Kirk’s face as he picked up the bouquet wrapped in brown paper. A soft red bloomed across the light haired man’s cheeks and a gentle smile pulled at his lips. The sight before him evoked a strong, dangerous emotion deep in his stomach.
No. How could he have failed yet again?
--
Surely Spock was feeling anger. Why else would the sight of the human’s contentment make his heart thud so loudly in his ears. Why else does the human’s smile jumble up his thoughts, leaving him disorientated.
This distressing co-inhabitor, his unwanted roommate, pulled the figurative rug from under him every time he tried to send the simple message of “LEAVE”.
Spock’s emotions were a discordant mess. Living with such a chaotic human was taking a toll on his sanity, and he needed to take drastic measures before it got any worse.
The human was now in the middle of a conversation with his close associate, Bones. As Spock watched, Kirk looked up from his communicator and smiled when he saw his new flowers.
The Vulcan swallowed back an emotion he disconcertingly couldn't quite categorise and willed sharp irritation to take its place.
“Oh hey, I’ll meet you outside in like ten minutes, lemme go change and make a coffee to go. Ahhhhhh, I can’t wait for the evals to be finally over. I’ve been daydreaming about Scotty’s infamous Pan-Galactic Mars-garitas the past week.”
With the human already packing up to leave, Spock saw his chance to make the departure permanent. If the human was anticipating to lose himself to frivolous alcohol fueled delirium, why not make it happen sooner?
Maybe whatever disciplinary repercussions that come from the human arriving at the evaluation inebriated would result in him being kicked out of the dorm room.
As he saw the human head towards his bedroom, Spock moved quickly to retrieve the intoxicating substances that he confiscated from him when he had first arrived. With a brief glance into his cupboard, looking over the ever-growing collection of confiscated products, he chose one that would be easy to crumble into small pieces, resembling coffee granules.
Spock took the aerated bar with him to the kitchen, opened the counter cupboard and grabbed the coffee container. He paused, hesitating slightly, before crushing a delineated 3 piece portion of the inebriant into the container.
Hearing the human’s footsteps approaching, he hurriedly shook the mixture until it looked homogenous, closed the lid and returned the container to the cupboard.
Watching the human prepare his coffee, Spock felt an unease creep up on him, a slow regret and uncertainty towards his impulsive actions forming.
Kirk, with his drink in hand, headed towards the door when a sudden spike of panic caused Spock to open his mouth. Any belated warning was too late, as the blond man dashed out, the door sliding shut behind him.
The loud sound startled Spock into clarity, and he suddenly became hyper aware of the potential ramifications of his poorly thought out actions.
The human Kirk could lose everything because of him. His entire career was jeopardised before it had even started. It would be a great loss, not just to the human, but to Starfleet itself.
The human was a little loud yes, but the undeniable traits of dedication and kindness were not hidden by his chaotic presence. His insomnia was a symptom of how hardworking he was, and his absurdities were just displays of how unique and unconventional his thought processes were.
From these past unwanted months together, Spock could not deny that Jim Kirk had the potential to be one of the finest captains to command a vessel.
How ironic, that the clearest his mind had been these past months, was from when he had committed such a grave deed.
For the first time, Spock allowed his human emotions to take over, the overwhelming guilt and anxiety as a penance for his crime, though it was not nearly enough. He could feel himself tremble slightly with the full force of all the emotions churning inside him.
There was nothing Spock could do now but to wait and see.
--
The walk back from the exam hall was uncharacteristically quiet. Bones smiled as he glanced at his best friend who looked lost in his thoughts, staring off at something in the sky as they walked.
“How do you feel being one of the few candidates to ace the evaluation, not to mention with the highest points? I never thought I’d see Vice Admiral Kips smile before.”
Kirk’s eyes lit up as they met Bones’. “I can’t lie man, I’m feeling pretty supermegafoxyhot ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ”
“I hate you”.
“No, but seriously. I feel amazing. I’m so much closer to my goals. And I know it’s thanks to my good luck charm.”
“Do I even want to ask?”
“I left my room with a perfectly normal cup of coffee -I would know, it was delicately brewed by yours truly- but when I took a sip, lo and behold, the magical blend of sweet chocolate and bitter coffee blessed my senses. I think my guardian angel knew I needed a little boost today and mochafied my drink!”
Bones would have said something about Kirk needing to be more alarmed by spiked drinks, but a sudden suspicion formed, holding him back.
Surely Jim isn’t actually
that
insane. There must be some kind of reason for all the mysterious, objectively nice things happening to him. There’s one possibility he can look into.
As they neared Kirk’s dorm building entrance, he stopped his friend by the shoulder.
“Just give me a second, I just want to check something with the residence admin, I’ll meet you up in your room.”
“Erm okay?” Kirk blinked at the random request. As he headed towards the elevators, passing the reception area, he turned and yelled “Hey, you know there’s no alcohol in the vending machines, right?”
Bones scoffed and turned to the amused attendant at the front desk.
“Sorry, don’t mind him.”
“Don’t worry about it, I’m quite used to his usual shenanigans,'' smiled the cheerful attendant, despite the late hour. “Can I help with anything?”
“Yes, it’s actually to do with our friend Kirk. I was wondering if Kirk’s room is the only double with one room free? I’ve only heard rumours about some strict Vulcan prodigy having one. ”
If the attendant was confused about why he would ask something like this, they didn’t show it.
“Hmmm, I don’t think there’s any free rooms at all this year, but let me check.”
--
Kirk punched-in his room code and stepped inside. He couldn't wait to get out of the very uncomfortable uniform they had to wear for the evaluation. He was about to head straight to his bedroom, but the sight of a tall figure materialising in front of him stopped him in his tracks.
“... God?” Kirk tentatively asked in a small voice.
“...No. I am Spock.”
“Spock..?” he asked in an even smaller voice, staring bewildered at what appeared to be a Vulcan.
Kirk would have been less confused if it were an actual deity before him.
--
“Wait, you’re saying Kirk is sharing his room?”
“Yes, with the aforementioned Vulcan prodigy no less.”
This utter fool. I know Jim can be oblivious when he’s working, but missing a whole other person living with him? That's just another level of dumbass.
“Thanks so much for the help, I need to go have some words with the idiot half of the residents in room 15.”
--
Kirk pointed his index finger aggressively at the somehow equally shocked stranger .
“How. What. Who are y-”
“You can see m-?”
The sound of the front door abruptly sliding open stopped the two of them as they both turned to look at the intruder.
Kirk saw the thankfully familiar sight of Bones in the doorway. He could see his friend taking in the scene before him, before turning to him.
“How could you be both so oblivious AND blind that you didn’t notice you had a whole goddamn roommate? You had time to dream up ghosts and angels but not to open your eyes enough to see another person living in the same room as you?! And someone who has been nothing but kind and supportive too -” he turns and addresses a stunned Spock, “thank you by the way, for not only putting up with this ungrateful fool, but taking care of him as well.”
He looked back to a stupefied Kirk, took a deep breath before continuing his rant, “I hope you stop living in your fantasies, come back to reality and start treating him better.”
Kirk’s mind was flashing between too many thoughts and none at all. It seemed like his ‘roommate’ Spock was at a similar loss for words.
An awkward silence persisted for the few minutes Bones critically watched them.
“You know what...I can see that you two are in dire need of a conversation. I’m just going to leave..”
Glaring specifically at Kirk as he walked back out, “You better give a nice apology, Jim.”
The door closed. They stared at each other. Kirk had never before seen a Vulcan look so shocked.
“You’ve really been here this WHOLE time. There’s no way I didn’t notice you, right? Is Bones correct, am I really losing it?”
Kirk, shaken, sat down on the couch with his head in his hands.
“Do not be afraid, Human.”
He heard the low voice of the stranger gently fall on him. Kirk looked up.
“There is a logical explanation for this, although I suppose both of our actions were not governed by logic. Firstly I must inquire, did you consume the drink you left with this morning?”
“Errr...yes? Should I not have? Oh my god was that actually yours!? I’m so so-”
“I must apologise profoundly, for I have committed a great crime against you, cadet Kirk. I abused the misfortune of my dematerialised state to play with both your mind and your career. A few months prior, just before the start of the academic year, I was attempting a more difficult level of Vulcan meditation wherein my mind and body would temporarily separate. I erroneously however, dematerialised my physical form instead. I then attempted to spend all the time I could to meditate back into corporeal form, while being bound to this room. In order to do this, I thought I needed a peaceful environment, something which your entrance into this apartment immediately disturbed. I tried and failed numerous times to meditate in your presence, and I was unable to succeed. This drove me to such a foolish, illogical plan, that I am near mortified to admit it out loud. I could not communicate with you verbally, and so thought that as I was living as a ghost, I would frighten you as one, so that you would vacate the room. I realise that was cruel and selfish, something that should be below Vulcans."
"So…all this time,,,, you weren't flirting with me?"
"Pardon?"
"I just thought, well come on man, the flowers, the chocolates, that's classic romance stuff."
"I regret that I was simply trying to expel you from the building, not woo you. But my inadequate attempts coupled with your ..unique way of thinking seems to have led to a misunderstanding," Spock tried to calmly explain, though he could not control the greenish blush on the tips of his ears.
However, seeing the start of dejection forming on Kirk's face, Spock quickly remedied, "I must admit, I am not well versed in human customs. Though I have been here for a while, I have been strictly occupied with my work. I had realised I was not meeting the cultural exchange objective when transfering here from the Vulcan academy, and planned to change that this semester. However before that could even commence, I overachieved in my meditation ritual. The most human interaction I've had in the last few months, has solely been by observing you."
There was a slight pause as Jim took in everything the surprisingly abashed looking Vulcan explained.
"... well if you still want a human guide, I would not mind continuing. That is, if it's now okay that I'm staying here. Do you still want me to leave?"
Spock paled slightly at the human’s words, "Certainly not, I see no reason why you should leave your rightful residence when I have been the one continuously harassing you."
"Aw well I wouldn't call it that, honestly you've been making my life better if anything. It was nice. Felt like I had a guardian angel looking after me."
"I see…" Spock said, raising his eyebrow.
"Anyways," Kirk coughed awkwardly. "How about this, let's start from the beginning. Hi there Spock. I'm Jim Kirk, your new roommate. I'd be happy to show you around, and help you navigate the complexities of human culture."
"That would be..acceptable. I am pleased to make your acquaintance, Jim Kirk. I do not think I will regret it.”
Jim flashes Spock a bright smile.
"Let me tell you how your mocha surprise saved my captaincy evals today."
__________
Epilogue
There are a few reasons why the annual San Francisco fun fair is the last place on earth Bones wants to be at.
The sweet sticky scent of melted ice cream and cotton candy that assault Bone's senses. The high pitched yelling, crying and shouting of numerous young children and even some childish adults, constantly ringing in the background. The hazy dust, from the rising sand that kicked up from the people crowding the area, obscuring his vision.
Chekov making heart eyes at his upperclassman crush that shared the manning of the astrobotanical garden wonders booth with Sulu.
Uhura and Scotty dragging him to life threatening roller coasters, with their laughter becoming more and more manic the more near death experience roller coaster plunges they miraculously survived.
The accessory stall that had people, mostly couples and young children, walking around with faux animal ear headbands, including Kirk and his newly discovered roommate, both sporting bunny ears.
The numerous junk food stations providing the sugar highs required for such a place, such as the one milkshake stall he was sat at watching his two bunny eared friends share a single strawberry milkshake. Jim was showing the dark haired Vulcan the supposed human tradition of dipping French fries in the cream while Spock proclaimed that he very much enjoyed the taste of the mini marshmellons decorating the sugary drink.
His eyes twitched at the sight before him. It truly pains Bones that he was the reason these two fools met. Spock was able to cause the same level of headaches only Kirk was capable of, with his Vulcan stubborness. Definitely suited for each other.
“What should we do next, how about checking out the haunted house 😏.”
“Perhaps not, considering our history with supernatural misunderstandings”.
“I guess you’re right. Let’s head over to the ferris wheel then. In the Fun Fair chapter of Jim Kirk’s Human Cultural Experiences 101, it is a classic . Ah, but it looks a little crowded on the way there, we should probably hold hands so we don’t get lost.”
“...That seems logical, let us go.”
However, the absolute worst thing about this whole cursed day was the fact that the only human traditions Kirk had been showing Spock this past year were sappy, clichéd dates. These two idiots were dating and they didn't have a damn clue.